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The Return Of The Live Human Being

Metism writes: "The voice on the other end of the phone does not tell you to 'please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed'. E-mail inquiries do not pretend as though they were never sent. More and more companies are finding out that people actually want to interact with other real people, not pseudo-intelligent machines that can't respond to simple things like 'Hi, how are you?' Did pseudo-intelligent humans forget something so obvious? Companies like LivePerson help clients from large ISPs to small libraries communicate one-on-one with people via the web. Softroad takes the concept of live help one step further by allowing anyone, anywhere access to their live Internet surfers via SMS, 2-way pager, or other mobile device. There's nothing like human ingenuity when it comes to questions more complex than 'what's my balance?' or 'what's the weather in Miami?'. But are more companies going to listen?"

262 comments

  1. Saddams not the only target for bush by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    1. Re:Saddams not the only target for bush by Salsaman · · Score: 0, Redundant

      Now, that *is* amusing ;-)

  2. money by carlivar · · Score: 4, Insightful
    Logic? Common sense? What does this have to do with anything? Humans cost a lot more $$ than a phone system. Unfortunately that seems to be the bottom line. In corporate America, the best solution often is the worst because it is the most expensive.

    Of course, those same companies then blow a huge wad of money on 12 Exchange servers. Sheesh...

    Carl

    --
    Vote Libertarian
    1. Re:money by essdodson · · Score: 1, Insightful

      blah blah

      Stop assuming that solutions from MS end up costing the most in the long run.

      --
      scott
    2. Re:money by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Good thing you run your own company and only ever spend money on things that make customers happy instead of making mistakes, so you can show them how it should be done.

    3. Re:money by Frater+219 · · Score: 1
      Stop assuming that solutions from MS end up costing the most in the long run.

      That's not an assumption ... it's a conclusion, and a well-confirmed one.

      Assumptions involved are things like "downtime costs money", "data loss costs money", "working late restoring the mail spool from backup is less fun than going home and having a beer", "calling a product a 'solution' does not make it any better", and so forth.

      HTH. HAND.

    4. Re:money by pheonix · · Score: 2
      Humans cost a lot more $$ than a phone system. Unfortunately that seems to be the bottom line.

      Not necessarily true. Much of that depends on your industry. I worked for the #2 laser manufacturer in the world (at the time, who knows now), and in the course of 3 years we added a nifty call center solution with all of those touch tone menus, then went back to live callers and an operator. People would far rather speak to a human and ensure that they're in the right place then wait on hold for 15 minutes than speak to a computer and wait for 2 minutes, then another 2 elsewhere, then 10 elsewhere, etc.

      In the long run, in increased business and maintenance costs, it was LESS expensive by a HUGE margin to just employ some operators. That's also the case in the firm I'm at now.

      The difference is, no one factors in the business aspect of it...

    5. Re:money by rodgerd · · Score: 2

      Exactly. Companies didn't forget it, they did a bunch of numbers that showed they could save a heap of money firing people by putting automated systems in place. They gambled that people wouldn't mind; clearly the gamble hasn't paid off in many cases.

      Cold comfort for the people who lost their jobs, of course. Now all those companies need to work on is the quality of call centres!

    6. Re:money by carlivar · · Score: 1
      That is the exception. That is a smart company. Exceptionally smart. I'm not arguing that real humans aren't cheaper in the long run, just that they appear to be more expensive, and that's the problem with short-sighted executives.

      Carl

      --
      Vote Libertarian
    7. Re:money by ollywompus · · Score: 1

      I have to agree that companies need to work on the quality of their call centers. As someone who has worked for a couple of call centers, and observing the people around me, I think that at the moment an automated phone system is more intelligent than some of the people who work at call centers. This is not to say that EVERYONE who works at a call center is a moron, just about 75% of them.

      And now I wait for the flames to appear!

      Stupidity should be as painful as Windows...

      --
      -- "We're only gonna die from our own arrogance, that's why we might as well take our time..." -Bad Religion
    8. Re:money by Martin+Blank · · Score: 2

      The personnel cost issues are the same ones that drove the 800 directories in the united states to ditch their operators and go with an entirely voice-activated system. Unfortunately, there seems to be NO way to get to a live human, even when the thing doesn't get the right item. For instance, about a week ago, I needed the number for Pacific Bell Internet so I could find out some things about their internet connectivity on Macs. I asked for "Pacific Bell Internet" and got the main Pacific Bell line, which has nothing to do with their internet branch.

      Early in the use of these new systems, I got frustrated and finally got to a live person, and talked with her for a few minutes about the coming changeover. She gave me the address where I could send a letter protesting it, and also, at my request, transferred me to her supervisor, with whom I also spoke for a few minutes. They were very happy to hear that I had a problem with the new system, and encouraged me to send the letter. Apparently it didn't do much good at the time, but maybe soon they'll go back on it.

      --
      You can never go home again... but I guess you can shop there.
    9. Re:money by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Interesting
      Stop assuming that solutions from MS end up costing the most in the long run.

      If a solution from the monopolist does NOT cost more than the commodity solution, how is the monopolist extracting more profit than the commodity provider? How is he to maintain his stock price above the commodity provider's stock price?

      Microsoft's solutions MUST cost more in the long run, or their stock crashes. Of course, if it costs too much more, the stock crashes anyway, but they have many years experience at hitting the sweet spot, where they are squeezing the maximum possible flow of blood from your turnip.

    10. Re:money by Chippy+Chick · · Score: 1

      "humans cost more $ than a phone system" -- True, sorta. Most companies think in the short term, a "What does it cost me today?" mentality (though in my experience none will admit it). If more consumers voted with their checkbooks, then opting for an automated system instead of a human might actually turn in to a more costly alternative after all. Of course, that means WE have to 1. Opt for companies who provide better service and ditch the others. 2. Let the companies know WHY we ditched them. If enough consumers complain and take their money elsewhere, maybe someone, somewhere, will wise up. --yes, I took my naive pill this morning--

      --
      "Not all those who wander are lost." -- Tolkien
    11. Re:money by TekkonKinkreet · · Score: 2
      I can quantify that cost difference, in fact I did, last time this subject came around.

      How much time did you spend talking to a live human on tech support at your favorite (or least favorite) company last year? These companies keep records--they know *exactly* how much you're worth to them. If a customer paid you $45/mo (most of which is not profit, remember), and cost you $33/min for tech support, what would you do? What would you do?

    12. Re:money by blue+trane · · Score: 1

      Yeah, this human would rather deal with an automated system. Preferably a natural-language one.

    13. Re:money by blue+trane · · Score: 1

      Logic? Common sense? What does this have to do with anything? Humans cost a lot more $$ than a phone system. Unfortunately that seems to be the bottom line. In corporate America, the best solution often is the worst because it is the most expensive.

      Is it right that humans should have to work in call centers though?

    14. Re:money by blue+trane · · Score: 1

      Invest in AI chatbot research to make the automated systems more natural and human-like.

    15. Re:money by tchapin · · Score: 1

      You have to make the distinction between crappy, old-school touch-tone IVR systems, crappy speech systems, and well-designed speech systems.

      In general, a speech system is used to handle non-revenue phone calls. Currently, you rarely see any kind of shopping phone apps. However, you do see a lot of informational apps, such as flight information (United, Airtran, Continental, etc.), banking (Fidelity, etc.), mutual funds, auto rental applications (Thrifty, Dollar, etc.), etc. (Boy, that's a lot of etc.s...) In my experience, you get better customer service for this type of app than you would by talking to a person, especially if you factor in the hold time involved in many call centers.

      Many of the agents I speak with in my line of work support our efforts, because they know that speech apps will never totally replace them, but will decrease the number of "boring" calls that they take.

      In any event, I work for SpeechWorks (speechworks.com), and I'd say that we arguably design the best speech apps in the industry. When working with a client, I always make it a point to try to influence them to include a way for their callers to get to a live person. This is simply because our speech apps can't handle all the myriad reasons someone might call.

      It's like Flash, it's not a bad technology, but it's misapplied a lot and used in the wrong situations.

      Todd

      --
      -- !todd erases a red dot! I steal music on the internet.
    16. Re:money by PurpleBob · · Score: 2

      I called American Airlines recently, and they did something like this. Their system was still annoying as heck (saying "Please state your tracking number now" or something, when I had no idea what a tracking number was), but it understood my answer of "I don't know". The problem was its timing was really stupid; I answered one question and then cleared my throat, and it took that as the answer to the next question and I never got to hear what it was. But even though it didn't seem to help all that much, I was fairly impressed by their voice recognition.

      --
      Win dain a lotica, en vai tu ri silota
    17. Re:money by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Did you miss the part of the trial where MS was accused of charging LESS for their products than they should charge for them? You Linux zealots really need to get your facts straight before you go foaming at the mouth.

    18. Re:money by lightcycler · · Score: 1

      "Humans cost a lot more $$ than a phone system. Unfortunately that seems to be the bottom line"

      Depends if you're smart, or if you're a beancounter. It might appear cheaper to replace people with computers. Beancounters might never know the real effects.

      The smart companies will think a little further ahead, to the "damn P.O.S. company, why can't they answer their damn phones" response of a customer who would otherwise earn them a lot of money.

      I don't think I know anyone who wouldn't switch companies (bank, phone, utilities, hardware...) after a bad experience on the phone to them.

      Do you look at the total business costs of machine-phones, or do you do a 0th-approximation calculation, and just deduct the cost of the people from your budget?

    19. Re:money by Ozymandias_KoK · · Score: 1

      Having a product that costs more as opposed to a product that gives a higher profit is, of course, two very different things. A lower margin on a lot more product can still beat a higher margin on less product.

  3. This slashdot article... by ajiva · · Score: 1

    Does slashdot use these psudeo-intelligent AI's or do are there real computers posting these articles?

  4. Voice Menu Hell by tokki · · Score: 1
    Nothing is as frustrating as when you call a company wanting to deal with an issue that isn't on the voice menu.

    Even if your issue is, just waiting for the voice to go on can take forever. Some companies have voice menus over a dozen layers deep... "Press one if... Press one if... Press one if..."

    I remember a call to Dell, it took 5 minutes to wade through the menus, then finally I was told I needed to be transferred. The transfer didn't work, and I got disconnected, and had to wade through the voicemail system again.

    A credit card company didn't even have a person to talk to, and pressing zero (a nice little trick for most VM systems to get a human) didn't do anything. There was no way to talk to a person. Very frustrating.

    1. Re:Voice Menu Hell by madcow_ucsb · · Score: 1

      Ironic this should appear now, after registering for GRE's....

      They *FORCE* you to listen to about 10mins of crap (what to do if you have to cancel, what if you're a foreign citizen, get married, etc) before politely informing me that I'll be answered in the order I called.

      There is absolutely NO way to skip their info even when you've already heard it all several times.

      Screw Microsoft, ETS is the true evil monopoly empire.

    2. Re:Voice Menu Hell by scott1853 · · Score: 2

      Adelphia used to run a 30 second advertisement for their sports package when you called their tech support number. Then you got to endure a half-hour wait. They've improved that though since last year. Now you get an idiot on the phone within 2 minutes, that tells you to reboot your computer and/or reset your cable modem.

      I know about techtales.com for posting stupid user stories, but is there a site for people to post stories about their experiences with stupid "technicians"?

    3. Re:Voice Menu Hell by blue+trane · · Score: 1

      Sometimes it's more frustrating talking to a human being though. And why should I have to tell my bank balance, or ss number, or date of birth, or whatever to a real person.

      What we need is more natural automated systems. Which means more AI research...

    4. Re:Voice Menu Hell by ckaminski · · Score: 1

      That's why I IMMEDIATELY dial "0" for an operator as soon as I get the chance... :-)

      Helps me skip shitloads of menus.

      -Chris

    5. Re:Voice Menu Hell by ShadeEagle · · Score: 1

      Tell me about it. I work for FedEx doin Tech Support, ya see... I can't even be BOTHERED to call 1800GOFEDEX when I need to speak to Customer Service... I simply call the support line I'd be reachable at when at work, then ask to be transfered. No fuss, no muss.

    6. Re:Voice Menu Hell by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      Sometimes it's more frustrating talking to a human being though.

      Absolutely! More and more companies have people who are only allowed to respond in such limited ways that it would actually be less frustrating to wander around in automated systems. Companies are good at taking your money, but they don't want to do anything that costs them money. So they hire the cheapest labor they can who can only permitted to read from a script. Customer service is becoming a joke.

    7. Re:Voice Menu Hell by evilempireinc · · Score: 1

      My personal favorite was being stuck on hold for BellAtlantic.net tech support listening to a recording telling me over and over how I should try emailing my question instead or checking the website. You know, if I could do that, than I wouldn't need to be calling tech support....

      --
      we can rebuild this sig. we have the technology
  5. Not me! by RumGunner · · Score: 4, Insightful

    When I want to check things like my balances, purchase equipment, etc, I LOVE THE INTERNET. It's quick, it's easy, and I can do EXACTLY what I want, when I want.

    Plus, I'm old enough to realize that most errors in those sorts of things are human errors.

    .

    1. Re:Not me! by GothChip · · Score: 1
      When I want to check things like my balances, purchase equipment, etc, I LOVE THE INTERNET. It's quick, it's easy, and I can do EXACTLY what I want, when I want

      So do I. But when it goes tits up I much prefer a human on the end of the phone promising that things will get sorted, rather than leaving a message on a machine.

    2. Re:Not me! by Psx29 · · Score: 1
      Plus, I'm old enough to realize that most errors in those sorts of things are human errors.

      Especially those pesky errors in the websites programming ;P

    3. Re:Not me! by Tablizer · · Score: 2

      So do I [prefer web]. But when it goes tits up I much prefer a human...

      These are not mutually exclusive I hope.

    4. Re:Not me! by blue+trane · · Score: 1

      You can debug the programs, but the humans?

  6. Answer by bravehamster · · Score: 3, Interesting
    But are more companies going to listen?


    No.


    The answer is as simple as the economics of phone support. Live support technicians cost much more than automated support. Live *expert* support technicians are both expensive and impossible to hold onto. Once a support tech becomes smart enough to know what the hell he's doing, he's smart enough to find a better job. And he does. And all the training cost thrown at that tech goes down the drain as fas as the company is concerned. Automated lines can work 24/7, can handle much higher call volumes and the majority of the cost is up front. This is why I think the tech support industry is going to be the big pusher behind the development of true AI. And when that happens, everyone wins. The users, the company, the support techs who get laid off and realize that it's the best thing that ever happened to them.

    --
    ---- El diablo esta en mis pantalones! Mire, mire!
    1. Re:Answer by kootch · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Hell yea!

      Story time: I use Qwest for my biz dsl. I like how when I call up, I am often very quickly connected to what I believe is maybe 10 tech support people (i've gotten the same ones numerous times...). Regardless, the customer service is excellent when it comes to getting a human for tech support.

      What I DON'T NEED is for when my line goes down, I call up, find that there is a 45 min wait now, and am stuck on hold to find out why. It's at these times that I wish there was an automated voice coming in saying "there is a line problem affecting areas in x, y, z which was discovered at 0:00 and will take approximately this much time to fix."

      Why can't companies figure out a nice way of handling tech support with a good combination of AI and human support?

      I think many companies that rely on customer support need to do a user survey of their audience to see if the automated systems are efficient in expediting calls from the users, both in answering quick questions with automated responses (not 30 levels deep) as well as quickly routing problem calls to live support.

      One of the worst companies I've found that has moved to an automated system is SprintPCS. GOD DAMN is it awful. Not only is it awful, but they CHARGE YOU to use their non-automated systems. Talk about passing the cost to the user. $5 just to have someone help you pay your bill. It's free to do it over the phone with the automated assistant and your credit card, or over the internet, but the minute a PERSON is involved, it's $5.

    2. Re:Answer by rodgerd · · Score: 3, Funny

      No, good call centre people aren't impossible to hold on to. It merely requires that they be treated as what they are: valuable employees who are often the main point of contact for your customers, who you presumably want coming back.

      An enlightened call centre manager who understands that a poorly run call centre will cost the company custom will try to employ good people, pay and treat them accordingly.

    3. Re:Answer by dev0n · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I'm going to argue with you on this one. :) I'm the Technical Support and Customer Service Manager at a web hosting company, and we pride ourselves on our support/customer service. Our phone system doesn't have a million menu items. We rarely ever have wait times on our phone lines. Our support reps are experts, and they're all passionate about the technology we use. And they're here 24 hours a day.

      As far as staff turnover, we have found that it isn't a problem. I don't consider training "a waste" when I look around and realize that most of my staff have been here for well over a year, and the ones that have moved on have mostly moved on to other positions at our company. We've made our company a fun and exciting place to work, and people just don't want to leave. They want to get promoted, which happens frequently.

      So, it *is* possible to have expert technicians that don't cost a fortune in turnover and training.

    4. Re:Answer by bravehamster · · Score: 2
      Hehe, was this intentionally funny? I've never seen the word "enlightened" used in conjunction with "call center manager" before. Thanks for the chuckles. Do you know what part of the management hiring process was at my old call center? The potentional managers had to sit in on 3 hirings and 5 firings. Their turnover rate (for a 500 seat center) was about 20 a week. And from everything I've seen since, and other former techs I've talked to, that's pretty much standard for the non-unionized call center industry. Don't even get me started on the illegal anti-union tactics used by my former boss. God, I wish I had saved that memo and sent that bastard to jail.

      --
      ---- El diablo esta en mis pantalones! Mire, mire!
    5. Re:Answer by bravehamster · · Score: 2
      Don't kid yourself into thinking you know what's really going on in your underlings heads. You're in management. Even if things are as you say they are (doubtful), yours is the exception. And since you're a web hosting company, the people contacting you usually have at least half a clue more than your average support seeker. The type of calls you get has a huge impact on employee morale

      --
      ---- El diablo esta en mis pantalones! Mire, mire!
    6. Re:Answer by bigdogs · · Score: 1

      Methinks you're trolling, but I'll bite.......

      You know, not all call centers are like you describe. I've worked in a call center for almost 2 years (as a grunt, not management), and you know what? I like my job. They pay me well, I get training, and they know and appreciate my talent (I've done some type of Unix support for 11 years). And the best part? I get to use my sysadmin skills *without* wearing a pager, and without taking my job home with me. All in all it's a pretty good gig.

    7. Re:Answer by Tablizer · · Score: 2

      No, good call centre people aren't impossible to hold on to. It merely requires that they be treated as what they are: valuable employees who are often the main point of contact for your customers

      Unlike those filthy programmers and sys admins hidden in the back basement who are a dime a dozen these days :-P

    8. Re:Answer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      The worst automatic system I've ever dealt with is the one for "the new" HP. No longer do you push one, two, etc, but now you talk into the phone instead. What convenience! Now everone in the room can stare at me as I speak loudly into the phone, trying to get the damn system to correctly identify what I just said. (Which it had a hard time doing)

    9. Re:Answer by DNS-and-BIND · · Score: 1
      Yeah, they could get a union.

      Then, they could sit around, say "that's not my job, you'll have to call the upholsterer's union", and the union leaders could corrupt politicians with money. Great idea.

      --
      Shutting down free speech with violence isn't fighting fascism. It IS fascism!
    10. Re:Answer by plugger · · Score: 1

      Almost as good as 'The staff have no collective power, but we the management do. Let's pay them the minimum we can get away with, give them minimum breaks and make them deal with 20 calls an hour.'

      Some people need a union, they aren't all corrupt powerbases.

    11. Re:Answer by rodgerd · · Score: 3

      A, yes, the predictable "I'm a brainwashed fuckwith who believes any attempt by workers to protect themselves is a criminal enterprise" reply.

    12. Re:Answer by rodgerd · · Score: 2

      Not intentionally funny, actually. I know a manager at my current client site who is responsible for a chunk of their call centre; he has a pretty enlightened attitude because he knows whether the customers who he is ultimately responsible for stay with the organisation comes down to them getting a level of service they're happy with.

      As a result, he'll pay good staff the premium they deserve, provide a bit of variety in their work, and try to promote them within the organisation so that if and when they do move of from the call centre, they'll at least stay in the firm.

    13. Re:Answer by DNS-and-BIND · · Score: 3, Insightful

      You have obviously never, ever dealt with a union when you had to get a job done. They obstruct, and demand obesiance, lest they choose to make your life hell. I'm not talking about being a boss over them, I'm talking about dealing with them in business. And as for the union chiefs, corrupt does not even begin to describe them. The Mexican government is less corrupt.

      --
      Shutting down free speech with violence isn't fighting fascism. It IS fascism!
    14. Re:Answer by sehryan · · Score: 2

      It isn't the manager that drives the employees away, though a bad manager will certainly hasten the departure. Its dealing with the customer on the other end of the line, who 9 times out of 10 is pissed off about something you had no control over, but is still going to hold you personally responsible for it.

      --
      The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.
    15. Re:Answer by rodgerd · · Score: 2

      Actually, I have. You're off in fantasy land.

  7. The WORST one of these has to be.... by Newer+Guy · · Score: 4, Funny

    'Claire' of Sprint PCS. If I had my way, I would evicerate the servers she lives on... s l o w l y... Until she screamed in pain!

    1. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by inteller · · Score: 0

      I fucking hate claire....but just yell representative twice and that stupid robo bitch will go away.

    2. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by Handpaper · · Score: 1

      British Telecom's ISP division, BTOpenworld. Not only do they limit you to a _rolling_ 12 hours per 24 on their "anytime" service, but they provide no email address for complaints/suggestions and their helpline is _premium rate_ (and clueless) - on top of the 16 GBP per month fee.

    3. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by glamslam · · Score: 2, Informative
      I just tried to get information from SprintPCS about my bill. When I pressed 0 enough times to bypass Clair, I was told I was going to be CHARGED $3 for speaking to a service representative.

      This should be illegal. (As soon as my 10 year contract runs out, I'm switching.)

      "So what if we're controlling all the oil, is it worth a child dying for?" -- Prince (1991)

    4. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by bug506 · · Score: 2, Informative

      What's funny about Claire is that if you say "Let me speak to a customer representative," she tries to trick you into not getting to one. She says "OK, but let me determine where to direct your call." When you give her more information, she kindly suggests that you keep talking to her about that topic instead.

      The funniest part, though, is that if you insist on still talking to someone, she sounds so sad about it before she connects you.

      (Though, at least they give you the OPTION of speaking to someone--at some places they've gotten smart about pressing 0 or * or # to speak to someone; now they'll just say it is an unrecognized command and disconnect you after a few attempts.)

      Of course, the problem with Sprint PCS is that even when I get to a real person, they almost never fix my problem or they make my problem worse.

    5. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by van+der+Rohe · · Score: 1

      I immediately say "I need to change my phone number." It seems to be something that Claire can't handle, so it puts me through to a rep quickly (well, relatively. I still wait on hold forever.)

      Sprint PCS is a disaster - by far the worst customer service I've ever experienced. It's almost like a parody - I expect to find out that I'm on Candid Camera every time I call.

    6. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by jchawk · · Score: 2

      The trick with Claire is to simply say nothing at all. After about 15 seconds of her insisting that you say something she will then connect you with a customer service representative.

      I'm all for automation, but sometimes you just *have* to talk to a human-being. I have had more then one occassion where sprint billed me incorrectly. How do you have a menu option to explain every possible thing that can and does go wrong with the automated systems?

    7. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Sprint PCS (now Sprint) actually laid off a few hundred people in their customer service department because Claire was so popular and useful.

      So There are about 400 people that hate her more than you!

    8. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by ONU+CS+Geek · · Score: 2

      The reason that Sprint PCS did this was because the low credit classes (hey...I'm in there too) make up 90% of the calls that they receive, so to help offset the charges of the manpower, they implemented this policy. If you're nice to the customer service agent, they will credit your account the $3.00...but you've got to be really nice and not bitch too much ;)

      --

      I disable sigs...do you?
    9. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by Reece400 · · Score: 1

      I went to activate my new telus mobility phone a month ago now, and i got an activated system, i thought oh great,,, baut actually, it only asked my a couple quick questions, then transfered me to a real person,, it actually scared me that it did this voluntarily, lol :) Reece,

    10. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by io333 · · Score: 1

      The first thing I always say to clair is "FUCK YOU!"

      Then she says "I'm sorry."

      Then I say "SUCK MY COCK YOU WHORE!"

      At which point she sounds quiet and *chastised*, "OK, let me get someone to help you."

      Now do I care what the robot bitch thinks of all this? Not at all. It's just that I know that they have a few techs listening in on all the things that the Claire system doesn't understand to try to improve her recognition. I'm just trying to give those poor underpaid slobs something to chuckel over.

    11. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by alizard · · Score: 4, Funny
      "Claire" is just a poor, innocent expert system with a problem-solving domain limited to phone service. How can 'she' reasonably be expected to handle things when you ask her for a date?

      Don't tell us 'she' came on to you, nobody will believe it.

      We all understand about unrequited lust, but is it really fair to respond to it by wanting to take the computer 'she' lives in apart?

    12. Re:The WORST one of these has to be.... by mmoncur · · Score: 1

      ARGH! My wife and I spent half an hour talking to 'Claire' yesterday. It's the most useless thing on earth. If you're going to have a voice saying "Tell me what you want" instead of a menu, it better understand English. If it doesn't, I'd be far better off with "Press 1 for sales, 2 for service."

      The trouble is, Sprint undoubtedly looks at their statistics and says, "well, less people are talking to real humans, so Claire must be doing her job." When really, the people are hanging up in frustration, turning off their Sprint PCS phones, and using them as bookends or chew toys.

      If it weren't for Sprint PCS's surprisingly useful Web site, I would have dumped them long ago.

      --

      It's Slashdot's evil twin... SlashNOT
  8. Smarter machines by FreshMeat-BWG · · Score: 4, Funny

    Experience tells me that the dumb phone systems are usually smarter than the person I would end up speaking to anyway.

    1. Re:Smarter machines by toccoa · · Score: 1

      I think this is true!
      Would I prefer to talk to a quickly accessible, well-paid, knowledgible, experienced trained human over a machine? Absolutely. However, I Would rather deal with the automated system rather than the typical person at the other end of the phone.

    2. Re:Smarter machines by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      a quickly accessible, well-paid, knowledgible, experienced trained human

      Those people are known as "consultants", and they cost a fuck lot more than a 15 minute phone call.

    3. Re:Smarter machines by ultimabob · · Score: 1

      Would I prefer to talk to a quickly accessible, well-paid, knowledgible, experienced trained human over a machine?

      The problem is though that most of the time, they are shoved into boxes 2 days after they are hired and are expected to take calls, cause management feels that we need to cut training to make the numbers for a month.

      --
      Once upon a time, I once I had a great Sig.....then I lost it.
  9. Gosh I hope so... by H0NGK0NGPH00EY · · Score: 1

    I have cell service with SprintPCS, and God forbid that they put even so much as an email address on their account management website. When you try to find a help page, all you can locate is this stupid-@$# "Claire" which is nothing more than a seriously crippled FAQ with a stupid CGI face at the top of the page. There actually is a form that will send an email to a real person, but the link to it is buried in one of the sub-pages.

    If they even had a phone number somewhere I would be happy. Just to get that, I had to fill out their form, to which the reply was... uhh... I dunno, call this number. Sheesh.

    All I know is that as soon as my 1 year contract is up, I'm dumping Sprint. The service itself has been decent, but when a company avoids giving actual personal help like they do, I won't do business with them.

    --
    Do not read this sig.
    1. Re:Gosh I hope so... by ibennetch · · Score: 1

      service has been decent? ha. this is OT, so moderate it as such if it pleases you; but I have a friend who has a sprint/pcs nationwide package, went to Maine (from PA) for a week, and didn't have a signal for most of the trip there or back. That combined with the problem she's having with people who call her phone getting a "this number has been disconnected" message once every two or three tries (and the support people hvae no clue, of course)...and I don't think I'll go sprint/pcs when I get a cell phone.

    2. Re:Gosh I hope so... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Don't. They are horrible. I tried for a month just to get my phone disconnected. Coverage blew too. Constant dropping of calls in the middle of a populated area.

    3. Re:Gosh I hope so... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      whatever you do, don't use verizon. they have the worst record of any telecom: verizonpathetic.com

  10. Offtopic: bug?? by new_breed · · Score: 0, Offtopic

    can't find a place to put this, so I might as well put it here..
    For a time, my top 10 list of user comments had stuff like (5,funny) behind the topic. Now, it just shows (5,). What's going on here? Anyone else having this?

  11. Absolutely. by Dunhausen · · Score: 2, Funny

    I agree.

    You can cuss out a machine.

    --
    Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to we
    1. Re:Absolutely. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      "Good afternoon."
      "Say and spell your first name"
      Fuck F-U-C-K
      "Say and spell your last name"
      You Y-O-U

    2. Re:Absolutely. by LagDemon · · Score: 1

      I prefer to cuss out the incompetent support people.

      --


      Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.
    3. Re:Absolutely. by garcia · · Score: 2

      like the assholes who call in to CSRs don't curse at them? Haha. Sure, we are likely to hang up on you after the "three-strikes rule" but that's not the point, nor does it stop them from calling me a "fucking dickhead", "dumbass bitch", or my favorite, "if you were so smart, you would be working at IBM like me doing network engineering instead of taking calls from people like me."

      Wny people call tech support to scream and yell I will never know. Do they not know that we put them on speakerphone and laugh at them on mute?

    4. Re:Absolutely. by Fulcrum+of+Evil · · Score: 2

      my favorite, "if you were so smart, you would be working at IBM like me doing network engineering instead of taking calls from people like me."

      I'm sure it's really hard to outwit a person who doesn't dare respond because he's being taped.

      --
      "We returned the General to El Salvador, or maybe Guatemala, it's difficult to tell from 10,000 feet"
  12. The reason why phone menus suck by drinkypoo · · Score: 1, Redundant
    Is that more than half the time they don't have the option I want. Hence, I need a person. Most of the time I actually end up having to call another number, which is a separate problem entirely.

    I'm looking forward to the eventual death of POTS and everyone using some form of IP Telephony, which will remove that problem for the most part. It would be nice if every "phone number" was either an IP address or a FQDN.

    --
    "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
  13. The economy actually encourages self service by wackybrit · · Score: 2

    There was a discussion on the I-Sales mailing list recently about this, and the general concensus that these 'LivePerson' style systems can sometimes be quite intrusive.

    Some sites have live helper systems that allow staff to automatically send messages to you as you're browsing the site, and this is rather offputting. It's the equivalent of being hassled while walking round the store.

    Service, however, is important, and someone should be able to get it if they want it.. but giving your sales people more commission just to harass customers out of their money is not the way to do it.. and, I've been enjoying the service-less face-less consumer society of late, simply because I don't have to deal with awkwards sales people.

    But the main question is this.. Would you rather buy from somewhere that's really cheap and get little service, or buy from an exclusive expensive outlet and get tons of service? I'd actually say the former for myself, this is why I do not shop at Gucci or Ralph Lauren.

    With the recent dip in the economy, it has shown that many previously high-flying Americans feel the same, and would rather go and shop at CostCo and Target, than at Sears. Budget brands are IN, and we're not feeling too upset about it. Many Americans are finally learning you sometimes can get more for less, and budget brands are taking off.

    We're witnessing the same in the airline industry. Budget flights are popular.. whereas prestigious companies are going down the pan.

    So, who cares about humans? If we can get our premium products at a budget price.. we can put up with having to deal with automated support.. AS LONG AS IT WORKS. I'd rather 'help myself' than pay a premium for customer care.

    1. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by rodgerd · · Score: 2

      Depends on what people are buying, to a large degree. Jeans? T-shirts? Shit, if I can get New Zealand made, I will, otherwise, whatever's cheap and fits, and I don't want hassles.

      But a suit? When I'm buying formal clothes, I want them to look good - well cut, decent fabric. Which means spending money. And when I'm spending money, I want service. I want to shop somewhere where I get staff paying attention, helping me with choices. I want them to know more about fitting a suit than I do. I wnat good service. If it costs a few bucks more, I don't mind, because it's a relatively small premium to pay.

      On top of that, all things being equal, there are many products where the price is pretty much the same everywhere - a new book costs me the same at Dymocks, Whitcoulls, and Unity Books, but Unity and Dymocks employ knowledgable staff who seem like they enjoy their jobs, can make recommendations about other books I may like and generally give good service. Whitcoulls employes whichever slack-jawed yokels couldn't get a job at McDonalds, and I wonder if many of their staff actually read. Oddly enough, I spend my money where the service is best.

    2. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by DrSkwid · · Score: 1

      But what people tend to do is go to the store with the people for advice and then cross the road and buy it cheap.

      Nine times out of ten they can't answer my question anyway.

      Try this one :

      me : "Does the monitor provide excellent colour purity by automatically correcting any adverse influences of the Earths magnetic fields?"

      bod : "eh?"

      me : "It's just that the Sony monitor here does so I want to know if yours do too"

      --
      There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
    3. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by daviddennis · · Score: 2

      I buy as much computer stuff as I can at the local Apple Store, where I get the industry's best service, and prices no different from what I'd pay at such customer service paragons as Fry's or CompUSA.

      If there was a premium quality airline with fares that weren't completely out of sight, I'd fly it. In fact, since American created its "More Room" initiative, I have flown no other airline, because it's such a relief to actually be able to use my laptop in flight without strain. An increasing number of people go with private aircraft, which offer the ultimate level of service and the ability to pick your own schedule.

      In short, high quality and good service are things people are still willing to pay for. A big problem with the airlines is that service on most of them is about equally bad; a flight on Southwest is actually a bit more pleasant than a flight on most other airlines, because the cabin crew will at least make you laugh a time or two.

      People don't like paying excessive premiums for service, but it all depends on where you are, what you buy, and how poor the non-premium service is. I'd love to have someone pump my gas for me, for example, but it's not worth 50% more than self-serve.

      There was a gas station near where I worked a few years back where homeless people would pump gas for you, and you'd give them a buck or two for their efforts. I actually went out of my way to get gas there, because I loved not having to pump it myself.

      At least in my experience, there is a quality difference between Target and department stores; my department store and outlet mall clothing tends to take a lot longer to wear out than Target's stuff, however superficially appealing it is.

      Overall, then, I defend higher quality stores. They are a more pleasant experience for the most part, and many of them aren't that much more expensive than their competition. It all depends on the store and the industry.

      D

    4. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by wackybrit · · Score: 1

      I'd love to have someone pump my gas for me, for example, but it's not worth 50% more than self-serve.

      In the UK, this service is generally free, although only rural garages tend to provide it at all. I can't see the fascination Americans have with getting their gas pumped for them though.. it's not as if it's hard.

    5. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by plugger · · Score: 1

      The trouble is, we pay about 5 times as much for the priviledge. I'm all for reducing consumption somehow, though (as long as I can still drive my car).

    6. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by yokem_55 · · Score: 1

      In Oregon, it is illegal to pump your own gas. You have to have an attendant do it for you. Gas does typically cost about 10 cents/gallon more though....

      --
      ...and IN SOVIET RUSSIA, beowulf clusters imagine 1, 2, 3 profit!!!! jokes made out of YOU!!!
    7. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      In Oregon, do they still have to have the dude with the red flag walking in front of their car, too?

    8. Re:The economy actually encourages self service by plugger · · Score: 1

      That's interesting, thanks.

      I just find it amusing that you guys complain about paying an extra 10-20 cents per gallon. You want to try driving over here (UK), we pay over a dollar per litre. Can't be bothered to look up the metric/US conversion at the moment, though.

  14. Related Link by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Google Answers is a way to pay human "researchers" for answering all types of questions - Google gets a commission, but the answers provided, for money or not, are available and can be browsed for free.

  15. Not to be... by TheKubrix · · Score: 1

    Pessimistic or anything regarding our society, but I think a good margin of people are within a significant level of anti-social behavior such that they rather not "have" to deal with a human, and are willing to sacrafice a level of service to accomodate the want.

    Many times I need to contact a company regarding an issue and many times I just dont feel like dealing with customer service (especially ISPs), so I just send an email and go back and forth with that....

  16. I want ot talk to employees by BovineSpirit · · Score: 1

    But I don't walk to talk to some agency kids, I want to speak to the people who made the mistakes in the first place. Companies who hire other people to answer their phones are avoiding their customers and have something to hide, or at least give that impression.

    1. Re:I want ot talk to employees by susano_otter · · Score: 2

      Does your company employ a call center? Does that call center support a project you're working on? Would you prefer to spend your work day on the project, or answering phone calls from customers? If you're answering phone calls, then who's working on the project? If you'd prefer to to work on the project, while someone else buffers you from the phone line, then you're just hiding from your customers. Shame on you! Drop whatever you're doing and get on the phones right now!

      --

      Any sufficiently well-organized community is indistinguishable from Government.

    2. Re:I want ot talk to employees by hkmwbz · · Score: 2
      I don't think you understand what you are asking for. The very reason why they hire people specifically to take care of end-user contact is so the other people can get some work done.

      People working as tech support people in software companies often seem to get demands from customers: They want to talk to the developer in charge of whatever they have a problem with. Somehow, a lot of people think that they are so much more important than everyone else that it warrants pulling the developer away from an important project to do customer service instead. It just doesn't make sense.

      If one customer is allowed to talk to a developer, why shouldn't all of them? And what would the result be?

      The developer wouldn't get any work done, and you would basically have a hideously expensive support person.

      I ask you to think about the consequences of what you are asking for. Have you?

      It's not that the companies have something to hide. It's that they have hired people specifically so the others can get some work done.

      People tend to jump to conclusion when they don't know what they are talking about. I ask you to think about it, just for a few minutes. I am sure you will understand what I am saying, if you haven't already.

      --
      Clever signature text goes here.
  17. theyr'e just no fun. by buswolley · · Score: 2, Insightful

    to bitch out. NO reaction. no deal making. its a stone wall. One of the more frustrating things about phone menu systems is that they move slowly. Humans can quickly direct you to the appropiate contact or info. AI eventually will do this well, but it is definitely not up to par yet.

    --

    A Good Troll is better than a Bad Human.

    1. Re:theyr'e just no fun. by buswolley · · Score: 1

      apologies. my parent post was a poor post. head bowed.

      --

      A Good Troll is better than a Bad Human.

    2. Re:theyr'e just no fun. by BrainInAJar · · Score: 1

      But what about when the AI demand equal rights?

      No more 24/7 operation (it'll be like running windows). And what if they decide to unionize for better wages?

  18. Be careful what you wish for... by outlier · · Score: 1

    I don't mind a well designed interactive voice respones (IVR) system, it can be much better than some of the mouthbreathers that man customer service lines. The key here is well designed.

    If I want to know what time a flight is landing, I would much rather deal with a well designed system (IIRC continental is a good example). As I recall, it has a decent speech reco system with some natural language understanding. You can say "When does flight 541 land in baltimore" and it tells you. This can be better than waiting-for-the-next-available-representative, while being reminded that my call-is-important-and-will-be-answered-in-the-orde r-it-was-received, only to have them complain about their computer being slow, or be difficult to understand.

    Give me cold efficiency over warm incompetance any day.

    On the other hand, I can't stand poorly designed IVR systems. For example, when I call my credit card company, they ask for my 16-20 digit credit card number (although the GM card only asks for the last 4 digits), and the last 4 digits of my SSN or my zip code. Then, they tell me all about my balance and recent payments (which I didn't ask for). When I finally get transferred to a live rep, the first question they ask.... "May I have your credit card number?"

    The technology exists to match the data with the caller. They shouldn't have to ask for my CC# again. Stupid (or cheap) IVR programming (or purchasing) is the culprit.

    On the other hand, I'm always pleasantly surprised when they get it right...

    1. Re:Be careful what you wish for... by tchapin · · Score: 1

      Thanks! A coworker and I designed the Continental FLIFO app. I'm glad you like it. Go SpeechWorks!

      Your comment about your credit card company's IVR should really be aimed at their general IT department. The issue going on when you have to repeat information a bunch of times when talking to different apps or agents is a lack of CTI, which would allow your information to be 'screen popped' around with your call. Unfortunately, it's a fairly expensive and tricky technology to put into an existing telephony infrastructure.

      Todd

      --
      -- !todd erases a red dot! I steal music on the internet.
  19. This is a Gimmick by tealover · · Score: 2, Insightful

    The people that you are speaking to live in Bangalore and are taught to speak "American English" so you feel a connection. THey are instructed to watch American tv, like Buffy, Friends, etc., to pick up the vernacular and interject comments like "I'm so tired....I was up watching Friends Season 1 last night....that Joey is so funny".

    Remember. These are corporations. They do not care about. They do care, however, about making it appear that they care about you. Hiring foreigners to provider this service doesn't cost them much in the end run as there is high turnover which keeps costs down and it engenders customer loyalty for those not in the know.

    --
    -- You see, there would be these conclusions that you could jump to
    1. Re:This is a Gimmick by Proquar · · Score: 1

      At least their fingers aren't getting caught in the sewing machine.

      (Oh, now that is bad taste... really)

      --
      ---- *dog sitting next to a computer, with his beady eyes shifting left to right*
    2. Re:This is a Gimmick by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      This would really be kind of cool though. I mean, there are a lot of areas in Africa/etc that have little or no jobs, just because there is such small industry. We should be tapping into their people-ing potential! Have a certification that says that they are able to speak on the phone, put them in front of a linux diskless terminal, feed them info from a database or something. Win/win. We get cheap phone answer-ers, they get employment.

    3. Re:This is a Gimmick by Fuzzy+Bo · · Score: 1
      They do care, however, about making it appear that they care about you.
      ...and when you can fake sincerity, you've got it made!!!
    4. Re:This is a Gimmick by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Hey, I used to work for one of those call centers. There are over a hundred companies set up in Las Cruces alone, so don't assume you're talking to another continent. Besides, even the fastest phone system can't beat physics; if the other person is offshore, there'll be a 1-2 second delay in any response every time you call. Unfortunately, some of the digital systems I used to work with stuck a 5 second delay in (or longer!) when the computers got confused.

  20. I'm sorry, I did not understand your question. by sulli · · Score: 2, Funny

    Please say "bug," "feature," "complaint," "subscription," "denial of service," or "other." To be connected to a customer service representative, please say "GIVE ME A FUCKING HUMAN BEING NOW!!!" To hear this menu again, please say "Repeat."

    --

    sulli
    RTFJ.
  21. credit card custom service by lingqi · · Score: 2

    My platinum card does not even go through the "here is your balance" crap anymore -- connects through me to somebody directly (it's a chase platinum, btw):

    AND RIGHTLY SO. I *NEVER* used the numbers on the back to check balances and all that. I got internet for it. I think there are probabbly people who uses the phone system in the other ways oftenly (press button for this, or that, or whatever) -- but if a psuedo smart phone system knows about the person's calling habits (and profile it based on the callerid or something), we'd be all happy(er).

    as for the web-based IM type customer service: I am not that into it. just not the same ya know. besides seem like the dude / gal is always handling a couple people at once -- and you can tell -- so the experience is just "very inpersonal human contact". not much better than phone systems.

    --

    My life in the land of the rising sun.

    1. Re:credit card custom service by opti6600 · · Score: 1

      I found that the best customer service has to be American Express for their Platinum cards. I can't say as far as Centurion goes, we didn't go with their offer on that ($1000 a year...uh-uh). But these people are great. Highly recommended.

  22. Stories For Sale? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    More like from the additional-advertising-revenue-department. Somone must be jumping over up and down over figuring how how sell *two* companies the same story space.

    What prompted this? An article? Then why isn't it linked?

    1. Re:Stories For Sale? by jlkinsel · · Score: 1

      Yeah, I totally agree. This reeks of being a PR piece.

  23. press 1 if... by Jonny+Ringo · · Score: 2

    -you'd like to speak to a live person. "beep"

    -you have selected to speak with a live person, there are no representives to take your call at this time, please wait on the line or use are prompt to guide you through the system.

    -Domo Arigato Mr. Robot starts to play to sooth your anger.

  24. mod parent up! by ibennetch · · Score: 1

    although there's some question as to whether it should be moderated "funny" or "insightful"

  25. Demolition Man by T-Kir · · Score: 2

    I can remember in the film Demolition Man, one of the SAPD officers answered the phone saying comething like:

    Welcome to the SAPD, if you would like to be put through to an automatic computer answering service, please say so now...

    Although I bet both the officer and the answering service would pick up any swearing - should the caller be on the toilet and the sea shells aren't working.

    --
    Are you local? There's nothing for you here!
  26. Insightful comment eh by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Consistency? Low commute times? What does this have to do with anything? Gravity pulls things down, and it always has. Unfortunately that seems to be the bottom line. In this universe, the most convenient solution, floating to your destination, is often the least probable because of physical laws.

    Of course, the same universe then turns out to contain things like quantum entaglement and possibly superstrings. Sheesh...

  27. Automation rules! by indiigo · · Score: 2

    Slow Down Cowboy!

    Slashdot requires you to wait 20 seconds between hitting 'reply' and submitting a comment.

    It's been 10 seconds since you hit 'reply'!

    If this error seems to be incorrect, please provide the following in your report to SourceForge.net:

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    * Please choose 'formkeys' for the category!
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    --
    fslg503-985-8686503-985-8686503-985-8686503-985-86 8650 3-985-fdsg8686503-985-8686503-985-8686503-9
  28. Isaac Asimov has a smug grin on his face by Komrade+S. · · Score: 1

    Interesting in that the focus is on the return to human interactivity, but they're looking at other ways, such as Internet and SMS to mediate that human contact. Is "talking" to a human via SMS any better than "talking" to a machine?

    --

    s200.org - visit it (me), love it (me).

  29. FP!!!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    w00t first post biatches!

  30. Prisoners. by simetra · · Score: 1, Offtopic

    I don't know if it's still the case, but it used to be that a lot of the customer service reps for various airlines were actually prisoners, making very little, and costing very little money.

    I imagine a phone encounter with a whiny-ass customer going something like this:

    "whine, whine, whine, I hate you, you representative of company X!"

    "Oh, you got problems? I just got fucked up the ass by a guard! Go screw yourself. Oh, Thank You for calling Company X, Goodbye!"

    --

    "Would it kill you to put down the toilet seat?" -- Maya Angelou
    1. Re:Prisoners. by fishbowl · · Score: 2

      California inmates took TWA reservations.
      The only reason there was a scandal is that
      they continued to work during a TWA strike.

      People in some kinds of "correctional" situations
      *SHOULD* be able to work. Regular jobs, not
      "making license plates, cleaning up roadsides" sort of make-work, but real paying jobs. Why not?

      I once had a guy work for me who was on a work-release program. In the mornings, he left the jail, went to work. In the evening, he went back to jail. By doing this, he was not only earning a little money, but he was able to shorten his sentence.

      I'm tired of hearing about how prison labor (PAID prison labor, mind you) is some sort of problem in and of itself. There is a problem with a privatizes prison system that enjoys a profit incentive for incarcerating increasing numbers of nonviolent offenders on simple drug possession laws, particularly when the majority of the "drugs" in play happen to be the most harmless ones.

      That's a different horse to whip.

      --
      -fb Everything not expressly forbidden is now mandatory.
    2. Re:Prisoners. by mbstone · · Score: 1

      People in some kinds of "correctional" situations *SHOULD* be able to work. Regular jobs, not "making license plates, cleaning up roadsides" sort of make-work, but real paying jobs. Why not?

      Because they compete with people whom, not being prisoners, are entitled to at least the minimum wage (instead of 0.25/hr).

      Because the wage disparity between prison and non-prison labor creates an economic incentive to lock up people who otherwise would not be locked up, e.g. so-called nonviolent drug offenders.

    3. Re:Prisoners. by forkboy · · Score: 2

      You nailed it brother. Aside from those two facts (which are great reasons not to privatize prisons) you also have to look at the fact that a guard at a private prison is going to make about 1/2 to 2/3 the salary of a guard at a state or federal prison. What kind of person do you think you're going to get who will put up with that kind of work for $8/hr? (Especially in women's and children's penal institutions) You're going to get someone who's abusive and/or unqualified for the job.

      Aside from the social taboos involved, do you really want a convicted felon knowing your name, address, phone number, and credit card information?
      How many of you get a little snotty to a phone rep when they're stupid? Do you think inmates are the cream of the intellectual crop? Do you think they won't hesistate to show up at your house when they get out if you piss em off?

      --
      This message brought to you by the Council of People Who Are Sick of Seeing More People.
    4. Re:Prisoners. by buck_wild · · Score: 1

      Nah, you're on crack. Inmates should not earn a living at all while in prison. It should be all about giving back to the community. If I ran the world, I'd make prisons more like the system in Arizona. It's no coincidence that the repeat crime rate went WAY down.

      The real use of inmates should be to save the animals. In other words, test shit out on them....like makeup, for example.

      --
      If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
    5. Re:Prisoners. by YrWrstNtmr · · Score: 1

      Regular jobs, not "making license plates, cleaning up roadsides" sort of make-work, but real paying jobs. Why not?

      There are prisoners. Prisoners should be (need to be) kept busy. For a variety of reasons.

      Why am I still seeing potholes every year?

    6. Re:Prisoners. by dmaxwell · · Score: 2

      Prisoners are slave labor. It's bad enough that we have to compete with people in India and Mexico who are willing to work for a fraction of what we get paid for. Others have beat the case FOR this sort of thing to death so I'll only point out that it is quite enough to have to put up with. For all the bitching people do about cheap foreign labor at least they aren't slaves (usually). Prisoners most certainly are. If they don't do this work then their sentences are extended and they can expect harsher treatment. You think YOU'RE powerless in the face of PHB's? At least you can quit and get something better. Not so a prisoner. Also, the wages paid to prisoners for their "real" jobs are vastly lower than what you or I can negotiate in a real interview. Yeah, they're "PAID" alright. Check it out:

      http://www.parascope.com/articles/0197/prison.ht m

      It is hard enough to get and hold a decent job as it is right now. I DO NOT want to compete with slave labor in my own country. Now prisons supplying services for EACH OTHER and lowering the overall cost of the prison system is something I would be for. It doesn't create a demand for slavery.

  31. Bad idea by Beryllium+Sphere(tm) · · Score: 1

    Humans generate detectable levels of radiation and contribute to global warming. They carry disease and are responsible for thousands of deaths every year.

    Perhaps automated phone menus are an attempt at being socially responsible.

    "Thank you for calling. Your call is important to us. Your call is so important to us that we don't want to use it up all at once. Instead we're going to savor the anticipation for hours while you wait on hold"

    (At the risk of being arrested and taken to a home for the criminally obvious, the above is meant humorously).

  32. humorous anecdote. by discogravy · · Score: 2

    way off topic, i know:

    My old answering machine message was, in a monotone: "To leave a message, speak after the tone. To hear a tone, press the number 2. For a list of the ways in which technology has failed to improve our lives, press 3." <beep>

    1. Re:humorous anecdote. by DrSkwid · · Score: 1

      on my mobile I went out and recorded :

      "hang on I'm just crossing the road"
      busy road crossing noises
      "right i'm ready, leave your message after the tone"

      --
      There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
    2. Re:humorous anecdote. by Dynedain · · Score: 2

      My answering machine was a program on my computer, complete with menu system and everything.....of course my message said it all:

      "Hello? [brief pause] Oh hi!, uh, could you hold on a second? I have another call coming through [click]"

      From there it went into the menu system.

      Several of my friends fell for it. One in particular leave a really freaked out message at 3 am because she thought I had hung up on her. Of course it was nothing important, but she thought it was, and her screaming/whining was quite hilarious; we all got a good laugh out of it.

      Ahhh, the joys of automation!

      --
      I'm out of my mind right now, but feel free to leave a message.....
    3. Re:humorous anecdote. by buck_wild · · Score: 1

      Good one!

      Mine went something like: "Hi, this is x and I can't come to the phone right now. So leave your name, Visa, American Express or MasterCard number, and I'll get back to you pending credit approval."

      --
      If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
  33. Know what I like? by NanoGator · · Score: 2

    I like IRC-style chat with customer service reps. Even if the convo plays in slow mo because they're handling more than one person, it's still nice to be able to do other stuff while I'm waiting. Plus, I can save the log for future reference.

    I'd settle for that type of Customer Service on most things. It'd be an interesting economic model because it'd just require computers and a net connection to handle lots and lots of people.

    --
    "Derp de derp."
    1. Re:Know what I like? by DrSkwid · · Score: 1

      We have that for our customers, well it's a customised IRC in fact (we have a java irc app on our website too).

      Customers like it. They join #reception. Whenever anyone joins #reception a notification goes to the other channels so that we can see customers arrive and if someone is dealing with it.

      It's got the added benefit that one employee can deal with more than 1 customer simultaneously *and* still be connected to the work channels.

      We all telecommute btw. our company has no building. If we need physical meeting rooms we hire them. That also means we can hire them near to the client which they appreciate. They like to get out of the office but like to avoid long journeys.

      --
      There are places where the networks are not touching,and there are places where they are-Boeing's Lori Gunter
  34. Not gonna happen by Twintop · · Score: 1

    It's a sad fact that in the long run, an automated service is cheaper and more cost effective to run and maintain than having live employees. Machines don't interact with office politics, don't want raises and shorter hours, and don't want vacations.

    Same goes with e-mail over 'live' help: if you have people sitting around all day waiting for a support question to come in, the company is spending 'unneeded money' because the person is seemingly useless unless something happens. With e-mail support, a company can have a person sit down for an hour or two to answer them all and then be off the pay clock for the rest of the time they aren't answering questions.

    This is, quite unfortunately, the way things are headed.

    1. Re:Not gonna happen by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Most of the time I call someplace, the support people aren't just sitting around waiting for my call, they're taking other calls.

      Unless of course, "all our representatives are busy" really means "We'll get to you once we hit the fraglimit for this level"

  35. LIVE PEOPLE by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 2

    I for one NEVER return any calls that are left by automated machine. also - if I ever get any calls with "please hold for the next available representative" etc... I just hang up. and never call them back when requested.

    I was out of work for almost two years in this recent economic slump - and I have some bad credit now... not too much - only about 3500... but since I was making NO income, I could not pay some bills. Now that I am working again - I am trying to get caught up...

    even though they are calls from creditors - my philosophy is: If they cant take the time to have a real person call me - I will not pay them, or call them until they do.

    I dont care about credit ratings - I maintain average credit, but for the most aprt I buy *everything* cash only. The only reason why I used the card I had was due to not working for 1.75 years and running out of my savings. I have bought my last three cars in full with cash payments, which does not go down on your credit BTW...

    Any company that uses automated customer services does not deserve me as a customer. I am actually thinking about starting a coalition that gets members to join just so we can petition companies into realizzing that excellent customer service (with real live people) directly effects the bottom line. and that shitty automated services just drives frustrated customers away.

    sadly though - I think it would be a losing battle as coporations could give a shit about real live human customers.

    reality corrupt!
    reboot universe?
    |no:?

    1. Re:LIVE PEOPLE by /dev/trash · · Score: 1

      good luck getting a house.

    2. Re:LIVE PEOPLE by Fulcrum+of+Evil · · Score: 2

      good luck getting a house.

      Yeah, you should finance at least one of those cars so you get a credit bump. You can have fun with this - show up at the dealer, hardball the price so they try to screw you on the financing, then pay it off in 2 or 3 months.

      --
      "We returned the General to El Salvador, or maybe Guatemala, it's difficult to tell from 10,000 feet"
    3. Re:LIVE PEOPLE by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      > even though they are calls from creditors - my philosophy is: If they cant take the time to have a real person call me - I will not pay them, or call them until they do.
      ************

      Dude, you're an immature jackass! You owe those people money, it's not like you borrowed $5 for lunch one day; $3500, even if you didn't have a job for almost two years, is still a lot of money.

      There's also a big difference between automated systems calling you, which is illegal in most states, and you calling a company which employs phone answering apps.

      Soon, you probably won't be doing business with anyone. Oh well.

      Get a clue.

  36. The death of Dave Null by strredwolf · · Score: 2

    If more people would be put in Abuse desk positons, trained and given the ability to shut down spammers, and then reply back with some true humor... ...then everyone wouldn't be complaining about how bad spam is getting and how all we're getting is responces from Dave Null.

    --

    --
    # Canmephians for a better Linux Kernel
    $Stalag99{"URL"}="http://stalag99.net";
  37. This story is just a lame PR stunt by outlier · · Score: 5, Informative
    This story was most likely generated by someone doing PR for LivePerson.
    Evidence:
    • It does not link to a real story, instead just says nice things about the company.
    • It was submitted to plastic.com in nearly the exact same format. Registered users can check the submission cue there. Here's how it is listed:

      The voice on the other end of the phone does not tell you to "please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed". E-mail inquiries do not pretend as though they were never sent. More and more companies are finding out that people actually want to interact with other real people, not pseudo-intelligent machines that can't respond to simple things like "Hi, how are you?" Did pseudo-intelligent humans forget something so obvious? Companies like LivePerson help clients from large ISPs to small libraries communicate one-on-one with people via the web. Softroad takes the concept of live help one step further by allowing anyone, anywhere access to their live Internet surfers via SMS, 2-way pager, or other mobile device. There's nothing like human ingenuity when it comes to questions more complex than "what's my balance?" or "what's the weather in Miami?". But are more companies going to listen?

    This looks like an example of stealth marketing. It's the latest thing for marketing scum. Check out this article in Time Magazine.

    Marketing bitches...
    1. Re:This story is just a lame PR stunt by yasth · · Score: 1

      Oddly enough that was exactly what I thought. The other stories that people always claim are slashvertisements, don't tend to be written in a modern marketing style. This is actually written like a modern marketing piece, with whole sentences sounding like soft sell marketing speak. Also the use of "clients" is kind of rare among slashdot readers, and listing the clients?

      Also in this story Softroad is a complete non site. It says it will go live 9/9, and I would have extreme trouble figuring out what softroad did exactly, without the slashdot story, and am still not certain what exactly they do. And thier Whois information gives this lovely address for both admin and technical: mensa259@yahoo.com .

      I mean something seems slightly off about the whole deal.

      --
      I'd do something interesting, but my server can't handle a slashdotting.
    2. Re:This story is just a lame PR stunt by Saeger · · Score: 1
      They're faking the cluetrain. Wonderful.

      I wonder if it'll ever get to the point that being a stealth shill is a career choice. "Yeah, I'm majoring in Mental Engineering too!"

      --

      --
      Power to the Peaceful
    3. Re:This story is just a lame PR stunt by Eccles · · Score: 2, Funny

      This looks like an example of stealth marketing.

      Yeah, but I showed them -- I didn't bother to click on the links, I went straight to the comments. Hah!

      --
      Ooh, a sarcasm detector. Oh, that's a real useful invention.
    4. Re:This story is just a lame PR stunt by LR_none · · Score: 2, Insightful
      Lame is what it is, particularly since the target decision-maker for buying LivePerson can hardly be expected to be a SlashDot reader.

      As someone who bought LivePerson for a retail financial services call center, my personal perspective is that LP (or any Internet customer service chat) has less to do reintroducing one-on-one communications between CSRs and customers than providing even greater operating economies between reps and customers than phone-based call centers.

      In a phone-based call center, one rep talks to one customer at a time. In a LivePerson call center, one rep can talk to two or three or four customers at a time. That means it can take at least two or three or four times as long to get the same questions answered (before factoring in the lag time associated with typing the responses on a keyboard, etc.). The reason you add LP to your call center is because your marketing people want to advertise it, not because it will bring your customers closer to you or provide them better service. By the numbers, it won't.

      There are Internet technologies that improve customer service. VoIP and screen sharing have the potential to revolutionize service by providing a richer customer/rep experience. But chat is a gimmick in most applications. Unless they have only one phone line, most Internet customers are better off calling for service rather than using chat.

    5. Re:This story is just a lame PR stunt by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      As a former LivePerson employee, they just don't have the smarts for something this clever. Not that the Slashdot audience is the appropriate audience for their product or that this is an appropriate marketing technique, they're just not smart enough to even come up with this concept.

      My vote is that it's a PR stunt by Softroad. Not a great one, because their WWW site is not even ready yet. The Whois on softroad.com lists an Antione Neron. He posted here about his intentions to start Softroad. Back in 1999 he was also involved in some Y2K group. (Google is such a great resource.) No connection that I can see to LivePerson.

      Since I keep getting all my submissions rejected, maybe I should submit some lame PR thing. Maybe that will get posted!

    6. Re:This story is just a lame PR stunt by gse · · Score: 1

      Not to push the whole thing too far, but if I was going stealth, I'd post a followup like that one... look, he searched Google! Slashdot cred! Must be one of us!

      --
      wordclock records :: flailing since 2000
  38. mixed blessing by dryguy · · Score: 1

    Unfortunately for companies where the accountants are in charge of all hiring, including tech supprt, switching from automation to live human beings will result in a significant *decrease* in the quality of service.

    --
    -- Stamp out entropy. ->dryguy@bellsloth.net
  39. A non-ideal world by spaceyhackerlady · · Score: 1
    But are more companies going to listen?

    We can only wish.

    On paper, the economics work. People are expensive. There are lots of straightforward nuts-and-bolts questions that computers can handle, simply, efficiently, and cost-effectively.

    Unfortunately, most companies let computers do all the stuff, whether they are suited to it or not, and lay off all the people. Or (sometimes worse!) farm the support out to a call centre who don't have a clue.

    If my call was that important you would have answered it by now!

    ...laura

  40. Demolition Man... by NanoGator · · Score: 2

    "Thank you for calling the San Angeles Police Department, would you like to talk to a computer?"

    After talking to Gateway technical support one day, I found this particular part of the movie rather amusing.

    --
    "Derp de derp."
  41. Lots of Outsourcing to India by Chibi · · Score: 2

    I read an article in a local paper about how a lot of outsourcing is done to India. Apparently, there are a few companies who specialize in phone support for Western companies.

    There are a few reasons for this:

    • India has a large, educated, English-speaking population.
    • This population is underemployed.
    • Outsourcing this can be cheaper than having domestic phone support staff.


    More power to them, but the article brought up an interesting point. These companies make it a point to try to make the person calling support believe they are speaking to someone in the US. They will do things like show episodes of "Friends" or highlights from a football game to their staff to familiarize them with pop culture. The support folks come up with more Americanized names. This aspect of the service bothered me, but I could understand their rationale. For these same reasons, some of the people interviewed in the article said it was against company policy to give out client names, but they claimed that they had very large clients.

    Just want to share info (and hope this post doesn't bring out any xenophobia).

    --
    If all you have are silver bullets, everything looks like a werewolf.
  42. The difference is text by Maniakes · · Score: 1

    Slow Down Cowboy!
    [omitted]
    If this error seems to be incorrect, please provide the following in your report to SourceForge.net:
    [omitted]


    When I get an error message like that, it only takes me a few seconds to skim it and get the information I need (usually, I'm done after "Slow down Cowboy!").

    If you have a competer generated voice read it to me over the phone, it will take 115 words/60 wpm = just under two minutes for me to get the same amount of useful information. Most of that time will be used up being forced to listen to irrelevant info. My annoyance at that will carry over and make me annoyed at the grating tone of the CG voice as well.

    --
    A legparnasom tele van angolnaval.
    1. Re:The difference is text by indiigo · · Score: 2

      My point is that often I will have composed a significant amount of text elsewhere and am copying/pasting it in for posting. The automation of the system is a hindrance. They can limit spamming posts in other ways without having it effect my typing speed.

      --
      fslg503-985-8686503-985-8686503-985-8686503-985-86 8650 3-985-fdsg8686503-985-8686503-985-8686503-9
  43. gee, thanks for the ads! by gotih · · Score: 1

    what is this crap? we all know telephone to computer interfaces aren't very good. humans are better. yep. glad you got that across.

    i can't help but think slashdot just (accidently?) posted another ad, this time for Earthlink, LivePerson or Softroad.

    --

    fear is the mind killer
    1. Re:gee, thanks for the ads! by gotih · · Score: 1

      and furthermore, the title "the return of the live human being" is absurd. when i call any of my finincial instutition, ISP, etc. i still get a phone menu.

      this story really bugs me as it's nothing more than an overrated comment.

      --

      fear is the mind killer
  44. Call Center Banks by aero6dof · · Score: 1

    How is this really different from outsourced call centers? The critical issue is handling customer problsmokepingiccems. If you provide "live" humans which can only respond to a "script" of answers, you're wasting money. If your company actually responds and solves my problem I don't care if its voicemail, e-mail, or a live person. I do care if I have to be bounced between phone reps, or voice systems without getting any results.

  45. I like voice recognition by SIGFPE · · Score: 4, Funny

    You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

    Yes

    I did not understand. You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

    Ye-es

    I did not understand. You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

    Yeeeeeesssss.

    I did not understand. You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

    Yeah.

    I did not understand. You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

    YYY-EEE-SSS!

    I did not understand. You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

    Fuck you!

    Thank you. Your tickets for 8:15pm tonight can be collected from the kiosk. Have a nice day.

    --
    -- SIGFPE
    1. Re:I like voice recognition by sql*kitten · · Score: 2

      You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.

      Yes

      I did not understand. You have chosen 8:15pm tonight. Is that correct? Please answer yes or no.


      Reminds me of a time we were working on a VoxML based application using American voice recognition. It was a hierarchical menu system, you said the number and drilled down to the function you wanted. To get back to the root, the keyword was "top". We're British and we kept saying "top! top!" to no avail. Then a stroke of genius: in the most obnoxious, whiny, nasal American accent possible, "taaarrrhhppp!" and it worked perfectly...

    2. Re:I like voice recognition by SIGFPE · · Score: 2

      Yup. The American vowels in 'top' and the first syllable of 'father' are the same but in Britain they are distinguished.

      --
      -- SIGFPE
  46. How many compaines still have receptionists? by thogard · · Score: 2

    Last year we bought a VoE phone system. Its got all kinds of cool features that a computer can do but the old key systems couldn't. One major problem is that the thing can not cope with the concept of a receptionist. It appears that who ever designed the thing just didn't ever consider that one person would need to be able to answer a call, talk to the person and then put them on hold where where they sit in a que for what ever extention they wanted. It also couldn't even generate a busy singal until a few montsh ago. In a country where every connected call costs real money, the busy signal can be your friend. We have even had clients tell us they won't deal with us any more if they get voice mail.

  47. They are listening - and outsourcing to India by 3583+Bytes+Free · · Score: 1

    Here's an article from the Chicago Tribune back in June about companies who are using call centers in India. Instead of some obnoxious, apathetic criminal-justice major from the local community college, you get a polite, knowledgeable Indian with a master's degree.

    Dee in Denver, or Deepali in Delhi?

    India is a leader in `remote outsourcing,' in which customer-service calls are answered overseas. The industry's U.S. clients save money, but they don't want their customers to know that they aren't.

    By Liz Sly
    Tribune foreign correspondent

    June 23, 2002

    NEW DELHI -- It is 5 p.m. and, in an air-conditioned office complex on the city's outskirts, several dozen of the brightest and best of India's educated young elite are gearing up for a long night of what in the industry is known as "remote outsourcing."

    On the other side of the globe, America is just waking up. Soon, this building is buzzing with the sound of nearly 3,000 people, some dressed in jeans, others in saris, talking to people in Chicago, New York, Cleveland or Memphis about their computer problems, credit card bills and Internet accounts.

    What most of the Americans dialing their toll-free numbers don't realize is that the person called Bradley or Sophia who is helping them on the other end of the line is really an Indian named Sanchoy or Deepali speaking from halfway across the world.

    That's the whole point of Spectramind, one of the first and most sophisticated of the homegrown call centers that have sprung up across India in the past two years, setting a trend that is expected to lure billions of dollars of business in the years ahead.

    Raman Roy, Spectramind's founder and chief executive, denies that any deception is involved. His representatives don't lie, he said.

    But they don't exactly tell the truth, either. The agents give themselves American names. If customers ask representatives where they are located, they respond that they are not allowed to disclose their location for security reasons.

    Everything about this industry is highly sensitive. Roy declines to disclose the names of his 15 business clients, except to say that the vast majority of them are American and most are in the Fortune 500. It is written into their contracts that he not identify them, and he invites visitors to the building only on the condition that they not reveal the corporate identities.

    He cites reasons of competitiveness; just as likely, the big names whose logos adorn the walls of Spectramind don't want their customers to know that they are talking to Indians in India.

    "It's still a new thing," Roy acknowledged. "Most Americans haven't woken up to it yet."

    No expense has been spared to sustain the illusion that this could be Dallas or Detroit, not Delhi. Outside, a dust storm presages the imminent arrival of the monsoon season, the mercury hovers at a scorching 112 degrees and the occasional cow wanders by.

    Inside Spectramind's climate-controlled offices, decorated in soothing pastel shades, this could be the corporate headquarters of any trendy new American start-up. Clocks on the wall show the time in Chicago and New York. Tennessee Titans and Atlanta Falcons pennants flutter over cubicles.

    New recruits watch reruns of "Friends" over and over until they can talk exactly like Chandler, Monica or Phoebe. They learn the rules of American baseball and the names of American football stars.

    "We have to be sure that if a customer from Chicago wants to chat about last night's Bears game, our representative can say something intelligent," said Roy.

    People who have never seen a snowflake in their lives are shown pictures of American cities in winter and are required to familiarize themselves with that day's weather in Chicago or Denver before starting work. They are schooled in the U.S. system of government and in the eating habits of Americans.

    Roy helped pioneer the trend nearly a decade ago when, as a longtime employee of American Express in India, he helped set up the first customer call service in India. Other multinationals already in India quickly followed, including GE and British Airways.

    Then Roy hit on the idea of providing call-center services to U.S. companies with no existing presence in India, and two years ago, Spectramind was born.

    Industry employs thousands

    For India, it is a booming industry that employs about 110,000 and generates around $1.5 billion in annual revenue. By 2008, the industry is expected to have grown tenfold, with India commanding around 4 percent of the global outsourcing market, according to the consultancy McKinsey & Co.

    India faces competition from the Philippines and Ireland. But it is Indians themselves who give India the edge. No other country offers such a vast pool of English-speaking, well-educated talent at such low cost.

    Most college graduates in the U.S. would turn up their noses at a job answering customer queries over the phone. In India, which produces 2 million to 3 million college graduates a year and nowhere near enough jobs to employ them all, a career at Spectramind is highly sought-after.

    For every job advertised, there are around 400 applicants. A college degree is required. Many employees have postgraduate qualifications. They earn around $3,000 to $4,000 a year, or around 20 percent of the salary paid to an American for the same work. Higher telecommunications costs eat into some of the savings, but overall an American company using Spectramind's services will cut costs by 50 percent, Roy said.

    "For a lower price we're giving better quality work from better qualified people," said Roy.

    Few customers guess truth

    Rarely is the illusion detected. Occasionally, a customer will have read a newspaper story about the growth of the industry in India and ask. But otherwise, they never guess, said Deepali Sharma, a.k.a. Sophia, a bright 23-year-old with a master's degree in business management.

    "Some people have asked me if I'm from Spain or Australia," she said, "but never India."

    The only problem comes when callers, so impressed with the friendliness and service of their representative, ask for dates: Sophia has been asked out to lunch three times since she started work in February.

    "I always just tell them, this is a professional conversation, so please let's just talk about business," she purrs, slipping into the flawless American accent she perfected over 12 weeks of rigorous training.

    "Then they shut up."

    Copyright (c) 2002, Chicago Tribune

    1. Re:They are listening - and outsourcing to India by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why can't India get their political fucken act together so that they don't have to suck all our jobs up. Wake up Indians and tell your gov to go fuck itself so that you work for India instead of pointed-hair bosses in the US.

      Perhaps if they finally go to war with Pakistan, it will give their over-educated population something to do besides eat away at every US job except PHB. Go shoot Packi's in the head instead of shooting American citizens in the wallet.

      If you are not a PHB or BS artist in the U.S., you might as well live in the third world because there is nothing left for ya here.

      Dammit, why couldn't they outsource the PHB's FIRST!?

    2. Re:They are listening - and outsourcing to India by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Why can't India get their political fucken act together so that they don't have to suck all our jobs up. Wake up Indians and tell your gov to go fuck itself so that....

      Okay, now tell us how you *really* feel.

  48. Retro is Where It's At: Here's Why (LONG) by KelsoLundeen · · Score: 2

    Everything that's old is new again? This is news.

    Cripes. I've been saying this for years.

    Take the RIAA. The thing that's gonna kill the RIAA -- and put it to rest for good -- isn't going to be digital. It's going to be retro-tech: today's "old" CDs, vinyl, cassette tapes. People will rediscover this stuff -- the stuff that we look upon as "retro" -- and realize, look, this is all we need. This is what we want.

    Microsoft's HomeTheaterPC will be proof-of-concept here. Of *course* it will fail. It will fail because (a) it's too expensive, (b) it's too restrictive, and (c) Gates was right when he said people don't want to watch TV on their computers. But that's not all: it will fail because it's overkill. All you really need is, um, an old television set and a VCR. That'll work. And maybe a cheapo DVD player to play films. College students, for example. What college student is gonna spend $1500 on a box like that? No one. Especially not when most folks realize that "retro"-tech -- the boring old VCR, the cheapo DVD -- is good enough.

    Ditto for this "speak to a live representative" stuff. No one wants to interact with stupid phone trees. No one ever did, in fact, but companies figured they could get an even *bigger* profit in the boom-90s if they fired their phone reps and gave the bored 20-something dot-commers (comers? cummers?) something to do.

    Now that the bored dot-coms are realizing that, yeah, they really do need to finish out those four years of college and that, well, four years of college is not so bad when you -- and most anyone else -- can pretty much laze on the green grass in the quad in front of the library and play hacky-sack and beat bongos and eat falafils and make bead necklaces and read Tacitus and Schopenhauer and get decent enough grades without a lot of pressure and get laid and smooch and suck and spend Sunday afternoon sleeping hard in a pretty comfortable bed in a pretty decent dorm with a not-too-shabby OC3 on a Big-10 American campus is, well, not a bad way to spend four years. I did it, and I'd wager most folks here did it -- and, for the most part, enjoyed it.

    Why rush through the four or five or five and half years and get to -- what? -- the place where that guy on Startup.com got to and then realized that just as he could sit back and enjoy it and brag about how he rode his dirt bike down the aisle at the annual Starbucks shareholder convention and pretend like he was really changing the world -- why rush through it all and get to this -- riding a dumb bike down a red carpeted aisle in an auditorium filled with suits -- when you can pretty much sit back and coast and actually spend four or five years that are undeniably low-key, filled with booze and guilt-free sex and, for the most part, pretty damn enjoyable?

    It is because of this -- these reasons and others -- that the RIAA and Jack "Maddog ... Grrr!" Valenti of the MPAA are doomed. Their doomed because people are realizing that retro is okay. It's not bad. It may not be new and shiny and chromey and expensive, but it's cool and gets the job done and works fine when it's late on a Satuday night and you need to put something on the stereo with the boring old two Bose speakers because you've got that someone special sitting on the edge of your bed, looking at your lips and getting ready to give you a smooch that could, conceiably, change your life.

    Or at least your weekend.

  49. Even worse by cr@ckwhore · · Score: 2

    I (sortof) spoke with AT&T "customer service" the other day to cancel my long distance service... even worse than the typical computerized phone menu... they've implemented a so-called "smart" computerized menu system with voice recognition, and the interface being a pseudo-personality.

    The effect was much worse than before... now I had NO buttons to push, and a "person" on the other end that didn't understand a single word I said!!!

    lame

    --
    Skiers and Riders -- http://www.snowjournal.com
  50. Rogers Cable by Etriaph · · Score: 4, Funny
    The rudest thing in the history of business happened to me about eight months ago. Rogers Cable has a phone system that will phone you and tell you to hold the line, someone has important information about my account. You know, it's a new low when we use machines to call us up and put us on hold. So I got upset, stayed on the line until a person took me out of the queue and said "Hello sir, we've noticed that you don't have...." and I let it rip.

    "If you sons-of-bitches wanna bloody well talk to me about some stupid offer you have you can call me yourself and sit on hold for 15 minutes while I watch the REST OF THE SHOW I WAS WATCHING THAT I BLOODY MISSED BECAUSE YOU FUCKING NUMPTYS CALLED ME AND PUT ME ON HOLD!! FACK OFF!!" I was quite satisfied. :)

    --
    "It's here, but no one wants it." - The Sugar Speaker
    1. Re:Rogers Cable by fishbowl · · Score: 2

      You still send them money every month, don't you?

      --
      -fb Everything not expressly forbidden is now mandatory.
    2. Re:Rogers Cable by glen · · Score: 1

      It doesn't suprise me that Rogers would do this.

      These are the same people that created a shitstorm in Canada with their 'negative option billing'. All of a sudden you would get an extra bunch of chanels and if you didn't phone them to cancel they would start charging you for them.

    3. Re:Rogers Cable by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Fucking bitches they did that to me about a year ago when I was in TO...

      I stayed on the Line, Blew up on the support guy who eventualy answered.

      then I called back 2 more times talked to different suport people and bitched them out...

      I was unemployed at the time so I figure my time is free theres cost money. that and I was like super pissed.

    4. Re:Rogers Cable by Etriaph · · Score: 1

      I do, but only because I can't get a dish in the building I'm in. I'm cursed by geography. :P

      --
      "It's here, but no one wants it." - The Sugar Speaker
  51. IVR Easter Egg - The zero key by lewko · · Score: 1
    How many of you just ignore the options and peck the 0 key a few times to get put through to an operator ASAP?

    If I were designing an IVR I would make sure that the zero key goes to a (very VERY long) recording saying: "not so fast cowboy"....

    Got snoring?

    --
    Do you or your partner snore? - Visit www.snoring.com.au
    1. Re:IVR Easter Egg - The zero key by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Or, pretend you don't have a touch tone phone and just wait. I often find it's faster, and I don't have to enter my account number and a whole string of other numbers, in order to finally get a person who immediately says "May I have your account number, please?"

  52. Did this years ago by gmhowell · · Score: 5, Interesting

    We dropped our automatic phone attendant years ago. Those who are viewing this post with a colored dot next to my name know that I work for a doctor's office.

    Ignoring all of the claptrap, we have three problems. First, old people. Second, dumb people. Third, poor people.

    The first two have great difficulty in getting in touch via the menus. The last category still has rotary phones (I'm not sure if my grandfather who died in '93 ever had a touch tone phone. Just not available in that part of the county.) And these are the people who NEED to get through. The old person wants to know what the shooting pain in their left arm is, the dumb people want to know if it's bad that the festering wound from stepping on a nail three weeks ago is bad, and the poor people are usually only calling because that festering wound is causing their foot to fall off.

    Then there is the other side of the coin: young, smart, rich. They WANT service. They don't want to deal with voice answering system hell. Basically, in my industry, nobody likes it.

    So we ditched it. At the time, everyone was happy.

    Problem is, like others have mentioned, human beings are expensive and error-prone in their own ways. Even with 15 phone lines (in a four doctor office) we still have times when all lines are 'lit' for hours. People complain about this. But when we mention the alternative (computer answerer) they quickly say that the wait wasn't too bad. (BTW, it's set up so that if no incoming lines are available, the pt. is told to call answering service. The answering service gets through 90% of the time. Other 10%, and they go straight to cell phone)

    So my only question is: why did it take so freaking long for others to figure it out? Remember those 15 voice lines? Double that. That's how many lines we have in the various locations. I dropped our ILEC for a CLEC because I got tired of waiting on the stupid computer (that and getting 30 bills per month instead of one).

    Business school story: Guy from a corporation in Baltimore came to speak to the class (marketing?) and said that these computer answering devices were the worst thing ever invented (this was '96-'97, BTW). He used to love 'em. But one day, he was at lunch with a colleague/customer. Customer complained about how long it took to get through the menu. Speaker said "What are you talking about? I just dial the direct number and..." Customer interupted "Here's my cell phone. Call the main number and try to get to your secretary". After ten minutes, the speaker finally got through. Instead of checking on messages, he told secretary "get some people together to ditch the phone system. The meeting will be in 30 minutes, as soon as I get back from lunch."

    Well, duh!

    --
    Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. -John Lennon
    1. Re:Did this years ago by Chris+Pimlott · · Score: 2



      There are many phones that support both rotary and touch-tone dialing. If your local telco only supports rotary, you can use it to dial then toggle the switch on your phone to sent touch-tones for voice mail menus and the like.

      Anyhow, I'm glad there are still lots of rotary users. Because of this, many voice mail systems default to live operator if nothing is selected after a certain amount of time. I often use this for systems that make it exceedingly difficult to wade through the options to get to an actual person.

  53. Well of course no one wants to hear this... by thelinuxking · · Score: 2

    Tech support: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
    Customer: What? My name is John. Not Dave.
    Tech support: I think you know that your name is Dave just as much as I do.
    Customer: Whatever, how do I fix my router?
    Tech support: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

  54. Its not about what we want by niall2 · · Score: 1

    Its about the bottom line. Most people will go through any lengths of voice mail maze before they ask for a real person. If they do that, thats one less low level job they have to fill. To date I have found no voice mail system that doesn't hand you to a real person if you just sit quite long enough or simply try the 0 key, which they often neglect to tell you is an option.

    That being said, companies phone systems are now being designed around requiring automated services be used. With voice recognition working for numbers, they can service those without touch tone phones. Soon there will be no need for anything but voicemail hell.

    Sometimes I think Wallstreet is taking lessons from the DMV.

    --
    Today is a gift. Save the receipt.
  55. meanwhile .... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    back at linuxville they barely make enough money to keep themselves a float. and have to find ever intriguing reasons to add yet more cost to that 'pro' (note > includes nmap - others don't) version of the same shit, different day .. er linux.

    Microsoft at least has the decency to remove all essences of pure progoganda and slavery, and NOT lie point blank to it's customers. You think MS is bad ? at least they can code.

  56. Why Live Humans go away in the first place... by Bonker · · Score: 2

    Many companies make the mistake of thinking that their phone-bank/support-hotline/etc... is a separate division of the company, responsible for raising its own revenue.

    Talk to any accountant. They'll tell you that this is the most efficient way to break down a company to save money. When you break a successful company down where customer service is it's own department, phone services appear as if they are not generating any revenue, and are therefore cut, outsourced, or otherwise done away with, usually to the detriment of the company because their customers need real help, real service, and real support, not an automated answering system that doesn't really help them.

    --
    The next Slashdot story will be ready soon, but subscribers can beat the rush and slashdot the links early!
  57. I volunteer in a church call center... by omnirealm · · Score: 2

    I volunteer in a call referral center for my church. The church runs TV advertisements for free Bibles and videos, and people call in to get request a delivery.

    We get lots of people who were trying to call DirectTV, but they misdialed the number and got us instead. Many times, even after we go through the introduction, "Hello. I'm Joe Smith. Thank you for calling for your free Bible for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints..." people still don't realize that we aren't DirectTV, and they proceed all the way through giving us their names and home addresses until we get to the part where we ask about where they heard about the offer. Then they exclaim, "Free Bible? What?! I want my DirectTV fixed!!"

    It's like they fuzz out on many levels here. First of all, they don't listen to our introduction at all, and then they don't think there's anything out of the ordinary about the fact that they got a live human being the instant they called.

    It's too bad that most of them wind up not wanting a free Bible anyway :-)

    --
    An unjust law is no law at all. - St. Augustine
    1. Re:I volunteer in a church call center... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      So that's how the Mormons are disseminating their mind control nanotechnology. In free bibles. Very clever, Mr. Smith.

      This message posted anonymously to defeat the orbital mind control lasers.

    2. Re:I volunteer in a church call center... by ivrcti · · Score: 1

      Hey another Mormon ./er!! I have only met two other true LDS geeks, at a user convention. They worked for the church. Anyway, nice to know you're out there. I'll watch for your comments.

  58. well no fricken duh! by Tablizer · · Score: 2

    More and more companies are finding out that people actually want to interact with other real people, not pseudo-intelligent machines that can't respond to simple things

    And how many millions were spent on research to find this out?

    I bet they did that survey using a telemarking machine even:

    "Press 1 if you prefer phone menus over people, press 2 if you prefer people, and press 3 if you don't care which".

    In addition to the Nobel prize, there should also be a No Bell prize for people and orgs that totally miss the big clue train.

    Being a geek, I tend to avoid people, yet often when I want to a non-FAQ-type question I don't want to diddle with long-path phone menus, I would rather talk with a real human who can search their grey index for answers faster.

    I suspect that some PHB's suspected it, but did not want to fork over the bucks to man the phones with warm bodies.

    1. Re:well no fricken duh! by hkmwbz · · Score: 2
      "Being a geek, I tend to avoid people, yet often when I want to a non-FAQ-type question I don't want to diddle with long-path phone menus, I would rather talk with a real human who can search their grey index for answers faster."
      The problem is not few the clever people who have looked through the documentation and FAQ without finding the answer, but the helpless ones, whose first action is to call up the company. They bog down the lines and prevent those who have actually made an effort from getting help. These people are the ones forcing companies to cut down costs, because they overload their support people and make them hire more. Or take action in some other way. Don't blame the companies. Blame the fools.
      --
      Clever signature text goes here.
    2. Re:well no fricken duh! by Tablizer · · Score: 2

      (* The problem is not few the clever people who have looked through the documentation and FAQ without finding the answer, but the helpless ones, whose first action is to call up the company. *)

      The problem with documentation and FAQ's is that you often have to scan it sequentially. IOW, you want one answer, but have to do a sequential search thru dozens even hundreds of entries. And, indexes often use a different synonym than you are. For example the answer might be under "performance", but you are looking under "speed" and "slow".

      Forcing customers to do a sequential search is a surefire way to piss them off. Humans are heavily social in nature, and social interactions are not sequential for the most part (except for dating perhaps).

  59. Sometimes there's no difference by saihung · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I've written Voicestream's Customer Care complaining about various aspects of their service. Recently, I sent them a letter complaining that: GPRS is way too expensive; only in the US do we get billed for incoming SMS messages. An actual HUMAN BEING responded to my email, and sent me a note explaining their SMS and GPRS pricing schedules, which of course has nothing to do with what I was complaining about. The humans in these call centers are often doing the same thing a computerized system does: responding to keywords, and ignoring the rest of your problem.

    1. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by bluGill · · Score: 2

      Not nessicarly. Often they keep some statistics on what the complaint is. Not always, or even often enough, but if you get a person there is a chance that someone is listening.

      However your odds that someone listening cares depends on the industry. The Phone companys are used to monopolies, so they can ignore you easier than resteraunts with lots of compitition. Doesn't mean that your complaint at a resteraunt will be passed on though.

    2. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by io333 · · Score: 1

      That's pretty funny: you got an email back & think it was from a real person! HAHAHA!!!!

    3. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      Well, what do you expect? The minimum-wage tech support drone answering your e-mail doesn't understand a word of the technical questions they get -- all the drone CAN do is look for keywords and select a reply based on that, and try to be polite at it.

    4. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      it's worse than that: even if someone does understand, they're under a time pressure (quantity is more important than quality) so if they take the time to help you, their company makes them suffer for it.

    5. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by hkmwbz · · Score: 2
      What did you expect him to say? "Yes, you are absolutely right, we will lower our prices immediately"? You complained that they were too expensive, and got information back about their pricing. Perhaps they even had alternative pricing for you, in case you wanted to change your subscription or whatever?

      Sorry, but your example was a poor one. Do you really think support people can do anything about prices? Or did you just want a bullshit answer like "thank you for the feedback, we appreciate it"? Such answers piss me off a lot more than honest information about what's going on. So, do you want them to treat you like a gullible idiot or as someone who would perhaps like to change your subscription or whatever the options were?

      --
      Clever signature text goes here.
    6. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by X-rated+Ouroboros · · Score: 2, Interesting

      It's really a matter of chance as to whether you get someone who can answer your question or whose just going to flip through their script trying to find something that seems to fit.

      I've found what seems to be a really good diagnostic question for determining if you've got a script reader or someone that knows (or can find) the answer to your questions regarding to software tech support. "What's the most recent build ID for [product]?"

      If they don't answer you within a minute, hang up, call back, and get somone else. If they do answer (and are correct, or at least plausibly correct if you don't know) you can get down to asking your real question.

      If you're not in a situation where a question like the above makes sense, be vague when you first state your problem. If they attempt to answer your question- hang up or ask to be transferred; if they ask you to provide more details you've got someone worth talking to.

      Also, get several possible solutions to your problem each time you call. If you have to, say you've already done the first thing they suggest (because, more than likely, it would be true if you hung up, tried it, and had to call back when it didn't work). If the representative is thrown by you saying "Yeah, I've done that, that's not the problem." hang up or ask to be transferred.
      This is of course all assuming you have a pretty good idea what's wrong to begin with and can adequately describe the problem, of course... If you aren't giving them anything to work with it's not their fault if they can't help you.

      What I think is being overlooked here is that a lot of the phone menu systems are in place BECAUSE they're ineffective and annoying. If most folks get fed up and never open a complaint ticket, guess what? It appears that you have a high rate of customer satisfaction.

      --
      Simple Machines in Higher Dimensions
    7. Re:Sometimes there's no difference by laudre · · Score: 2
      As someone who currently works in a call center, I can tell you that there's a very solid reason to follow a script.

      Right now, the economy sucks. It is hard to get a job, especially in areas like where I live where the economy was a wreck before the recession hit. So, when you finally find a job (it took me almost a year to get employed), you don't want to rock the boat.

      Call center quality controllers are both strict and not particularly creative, in my experience. You don't know when they're having a bad day, and you don't want to hit a trigger by treading into a gray area, then coming in the next day and being handed a pink slip. So you do what little you can, and, in the meantime, just shrug and move on.

      It sucks, but it's a living, albeit a marginal one.

  60. Re:humorous anecdote.-answering service. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I use to work for a call center. When I was assigned to "message taking" duty (overflow). I would hit the tone and pace of the "message" I had to deliver before taking down the info, in order for someone to call you back, in such a way that people would think they were talking to an automated system. Fooled quite a few people.

  61. Tiered service levels? by Tablizer · · Score: 2

    (* Humans cost a lot more $$ than a phone system. Unfortunately that seems to be the bottom line. *)

    I think what may eventually start happening is that customers who pay a premium (a "gold" member) will get a real person who acts like they care, but the rest will still get bounced around in the phone-menu maze.

    I read a biz rag article about a year ago which suggests that costomer pattern tracking is being used to flag the big spenders, and they are given extra service/care.

    And don't pin this just on capitalism. In socialistic countries, bribes and favoritism are pretty much the same thing in disquise. A friend from Greece told me of the rampant bribocracy there. On paper, everybody gets the same treatment. However, reality usually pisses on the paper. If you don't bribe or "give favors", something as simple as a car registration may take several years.

  62. Re:Mirror? by xanadu-xtroot.com · · Score: 1



    /me shakes his head. Did no one think to ask Google?

    --
    I'm not a prophet or a stone-age man,
    I'm just a mortal with potential of a super man.
  63. Amen...I've dealt with a couple of companies that will have a computer call me, then either ask me to hold the line, or call them back (one of them didn't even include a toll-free number). I usually hold or return the call, then immediately ask to speak to a manager. When the manager answers, before he has a chance to state his business, I inform them that if they want to talk to me, they can have a human--not a computer--call me, and they will not put me on hold--they want to talk to me, not vice versa. I then inform him that I'm going to hang up, and wait by the phone for five minutes (my phone is right next to my couch and my beer fridge), and that if they want to talk to me, they should call me back immediately. Then I hang up. So far, none of them has wanted to talk to me very badly. Guess it wasn't that important after all.

    I am considering rigging up a wardialer for the toll-free numbers, though...

    --
    Moderate drunk! It's more fun that way!
  64. open source program similar to LivePerson ? by edmz · · Score: 1

    Is there such a thing ?

  65. More details? by Goonie · · Score: 1

    For those of us not in the states, could you please provide some mor details on what this system does?

    --

    Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
    --Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
    1. Re:More details? by Newer+Guy · · Score: 2

      When you call Sprint PCS, 'claire' answers the phone. She's supposed to respond to voice commands and give you your balance, payment info, etc. Problem is, most everyone that uses Sprint PCS gets billed incorrectly, and claire can't help you with that. When you ask for a real person believe it or not, claire argues with you! I have discovered that she does understand the work 'fuck' however (as in "give me a fucking person, claire"). All in all, I can't possibly understand why anyone likes this robobitch.

  66. Hey now by nebby · · Score: 2

    Lets not forget the company I work for, Cyracle, which provides what LivePerson does but better and cheaper :)

    </shameless plug>

    --
    --
  67. Another story by anticypher · · Score: 5, Funny

    A friend in the U.S. has shown me his well polished dialog for breaking down unwanted spamcallers, mostly those calls around supper time. He gets so many, its down to an art form at this point. When he sees a caller-ID number he doesn't recognize, he just doesn't say hello, he launches directly into his tirade.

    He's recorded a few of his best pieces, where the poor women on the other end of the line are in tears thinking they are going to prison or are not going to be paid by the marketeers. His deep alpha male command voice means most people just cave in within a few seconds, but he's surprised by the number who try to stick to the script for a short while.

    It goes a little something like this:

    Him> "FBI terrorism strike force hot-line. Do not hang up on this call, it has already been traced. If you hang up against my orders, you WILL be prosecuted on felony charges!"

    Caller> "Ummm, We've noticed that your account is, ummm, well, ummmm, wait, is this really the FBI?"

    Him> "Do you realize how much trouble you could be in for dialing this number? We here at the FBI have exactly ZERO sense of humor for illegal calls into the federal phone system."

    Spammer> "Ummmm, well, its a computer that dials the numbers, we're just supposed to read this script on the screen. I didn't mean to dial your number."

    Him> "Please state for the record your name, your current location, and the name of the company you are currently working for. If we cannot verify any of this information as being 100% truthfully accurate, you face federal felony charges of lying to a federal agent. The minimum sentence for that charge alone is one year in federal prison"

    Usually he gets all kinds of information out of the poor telemarketer idiot from that point on. Most of them are in places like florida or oklahoma where there is high unemployment and lots of ignorant people who will do any job.

    Despite this, he thinks his number hasn't been put on anywhere near enough telespammer blacklists. But he's working on it.

    There are also some great tapes made by the call-centre training companies to show how abusive some called people can get. Lots of full-on screaming, cursing and threatening psychos get caught on the quality control tapes. Unscrupulous cold call centres in Britain (which is all of them) have a procedure to deal with these psychos. Their is a button on the console to trigger an alternate script for complete psychos, where they then give the name of a competitor. BT's call centre will say "Sorry sir, Vodaphone wishes you a pleasant day" before hanging up.

    the AC

    --
    Hemos is like...sci-fi fans;he thinks technology is cool, but he hasn't bothered to understand the science it's based on
    1. Re:Another story by Stoutlimb · · Score: 2

      "He's recorded a few of his best pieces"

      So you're saying that he's recording evidence of himself impersonating a federal agent... I wonder if any of the smarter telemarketers who doubted him thought of playing a reverse trick on him, and pretending to be the real FBI when phoning him.

      If that would be recorded, I would pay good money to hear it.

    2. Re:Another story by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
      "Please state for the record your name, your current location, and the name of the company you are currently working for." [...] Usually he gets all kinds of information out of the poor telemarketer idiot from that point on.

      Um, these are all things that they are legally required to tell you anyway. Somehow I don't think that the telemarketer is the real "idiot" here.

      Somehow this reminds me of My Cousin Vinny.

    3. Re:Another story by Chris+Pimlott · · Score: 2

      Um, these are all things that they are legally required to tell you anyway. Somehow I don't think that the telemarketer is the real "idiot" here.


      Really? I would love to see a source for this.

    4. Re:Another story by Mike1024 · · Score: 2

      Hey,

      Unscrupulous cold call centres in Britain (which is all of them) have a procedure to deal with these psychos. Their is a button on the console to trigger an alternate script for complete psychos, where they then give the name of a competitor.

      Of course, in the UK, you can opt out of junk calls on one centralised list. I'm on it, and get essentially no calls.

      But then, I can only get dial-up internet access, so I don't get many calls anyway...

      Michael

      --
      "Goodness me, how unlike the FBI to abuse the trust of the American public." -- The Onion
    5. Re:Another story by Mr.Mustard · · Score: 1
      --
      fnord
    6. Re:Another story by poot_rootbeer · · Score: 3, Insightful


      Your friend does know it's a crime to impersonate a federal agent, right...?

  68. I'll join. by Erpo · · Score: 1

    Start a web site for your coalition. I'll sign up.

  69. Customer Service is becoming more important by Maxwell'sSilverLART · · Score: 1

    As more and more companies compete for business, customer service is getting more important. As a sysadmin for a major midwestern university, I recently attempted to purchase a new Dell server. I tried for three weeks to get in touch with our assigned representative (remember, higher education = multimillion dollar contracts--we're not talking about some poor end-user with a $600 PC here), with no success. Her voicemail message suggested I e-mail her, but I had several questions to ask, some of which depended on the answers to other questions; besides, I'm the customer, damnit, and if I want to talk to a rep before I make a purchase, I'm damn well going to talk to a rep. Since my rep wouldn't call me back, I tried the main Higher Education line (again, remember higher ed = big contracts). I waited on hold for about 15 minutes before I said "this is bullshit, when somebody answers, I'm going to tell them off, and have them call me back after lunch." An hour later (75 minutes total), I was still on hold, and just said "fuck it." I called Gateway, had answers, and a quote by FAX, in eight minutes. Gateway will get the order, as soon as the request goes through channels. I would have preferred Dell (I think their quality is a little better), but if I have to go through that much to get them to take my money, what will I have to do to get support?

    The kicker: when the Gateway server comes in, I'm going to take a picture of myself with that wonderful cow-spotted box. Going to send a copy of it to Dell, along with a letter:

    Dear Dell:
    Congratulations on my purchase of a new Gateway server. I would have bought a box from you guys, but
    ...
    Thanks again for your great service.

    With any luck, somebody will lose his job over it; this sort of situation is bullshit.

    Incidentally, the really cool part is that I got more computer for less money by going Gateway over Dell. Even got SCSI drives instead of IDE. Sorry Dell--your loss. Try a little "customer service" next time.

    --
    Moderate drunk! It's more fun that way!
    1. Re:Customer Service is becoming more important by thunderbee · · Score: 1

      what will I have to do to get support?
      You won't get any. I know a large (I mean large) company here that bought 200 dell computers as a first step toward buying a total of 1700 units. They had a problem with some drivers on one machine. Never heard from Dell again. Ask about support ;-)

      --
      In my opinion, Scientology is a cult you should avoid.
  70. Even faker pseudo-intelligence by ssyladin · · Score: 1

    For those of you who don't have the joys of a Sprint PCS phone, their customer support is now a fake human intelligence. Instead of 1,2,3 options, you are now prompted to "say" what you want, like "How many minutes do I have left?". Unfortunately for me, they didn't have "I want to cancel my service", but it does respond to "I want to talk to a human" if you speak in a clear, firm, annoyed voice.

  71. Bad economics [O/T] by jpmorgan · · Score: 2
    What a bad piece of reasoning. HTF did you get moderated up?

    A monopoly will charge more for their monopolised good than a typical corporation would in a competitive situation, unless by holding a monopoly they can achieve a cost reduction that wouldn't be possible otherwise (a not completely unreasonable circumstance). However, a monopoly does not necessarily imply that the total cost of ownership of a product will be greater than that of a comparable product in a competitive situation, since the monopoly overhead is only a factor in the initial sale cost (the long term/total of ownership of a system is also heavily influenced by maintenance and training costs). The practical application of a monopoly can also lead to other cost reductions beyond the initial sale cost (although this obviously depends on the product in question). You don't appear to know the difference between short run and long run.

    Oh yeah, and Microsoft doesn't have a monopoly in e-mail servers either. Whoops?

    I have no clue how much an exchange server costs in the long run, but apparently you don't either. And if there's one thing I can't stand it's pseudo-economics.

  72. Hah! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Big deal!

    I'd like to see the return of the _dead_ human being.
    *That* would be news!

    OTOH, if you just want to talk to a dead person, no problem, there's already a company who does just this, for a fee.

    They're working on a complementary service, though, designed to allow dead folks to respond.

    Cya.

  73. GET THIS STEALTH MARKETING CRAP OFF OF SLASHDOT! by popo · · Score: 0, Troll

    TO ALL SLASHDOT USERS: THIS IS STEALTH MARKETING BULLSHIT

    Slashdot will be a much less interesting place if stealth marketers interested in promoting their clients are allowed to post non-newsworthy puff pieces to this site.

    As a counterstrategy (in the interest of ridding these pigs from our midst) we should begin an immediate program of badmouthing whoever they promote.

    So here goes --

    LivePerson is an example of dot-com era corporate bloat. Rob LoCascio, their semi-intelligent CEO, developed what can best be described as a "chat applet" and with that "cutting edge" technology, as well as a little truth-stretching, managed to IPO his company.

    The stockprice is currently in the shitter where it belongs. If you want a chat applet on your site, avail yourself of the many cheaper, better-coded, gnu public licensed products that aren't relics of an era better forgotten.

    --
    ------ The best brain training is now totally free : )
  74. Live people who actually KNOW something?!? by Metameme · · Score: 0

    I've seen a lot of companies going back to live people on the phone - and most of them have nothing more than a trouble call flowchart and the same information you can find on the website. At least when I send an email a responsive company will let me know ONCE that they've received it and then AGAIN when it gets to the appropriate person.

    Nothing like calling with an unusual problem and getting a HS student (sorry to present company in this category) in some outsourced call center who doesn't understand the problem and can't escalate the call until s/he has checked off all the little boxes on their form.

  75. My company's phone menu by r_j_prahad · · Score: 2

    Too bad this will get buried in the noise because I got here too late, but....

    We have a new InterTel (can I say that?) voicemail system. We spent weeks designing the menus. And the end result is that no matter what buttons you punch, every fscking call eventually ends up getting answered by one girl at the front counter. I don't care if you called our company and punched in your SSN and your mother's birthday in Morse code, your call is going to the same place as the callers who immediately press "0" for Operator.

    Fscking incredible waste of money....

  76. Competition vs. caller abuse by Animats · · Score: 2
    The fundamental assumption of most phone-based systems is that the caller's time is cheap. The fundamental problem with this is that there is competition.

    Exercise: Call TellMe (800-555-TELL). Try to buy movie tickets. How long did it take you? Now search Google for TellMe and read about their layoffs and cutbacks.

    Extra credit: Call TellMe and say "Driving Directions". Get directions to someplace. Enjoy the "one ad per turn" business model.

    And TellMe has a good technology, way ahead of the usual "press 3 for ..." crap. Most phone systems are far, far worse.

  77. How to stop telemarketing calls once and for all by alexjp · · Score: 1
    You know, the only way to get put on a do-not-call list is to say "Please put me on your do-not-call list". That's the only request they're legally obligated to honor. You can say "Don't call me again" until you're blue in the face; it has no effect whatsoever. It's not surprising your friend is still getting calls.

    After about 8 months of consistently asking to be put on do-not-call lists, all telemarking calls to my home number stopped. (I also registered with the Direct Mail Marketing Association's telephone preference service, which may have helped.)

    Some states have do not call lists (here's a list). While it can be fun to mess with telemarketers, I prefer to be left alone.

  78. Transcript of LivePerson chat by popo · · Score: 1

    Welcome to LivePerson! An online representative will be with you shortly.

    You are now chatting with 'Matt'

    Matt: Hi, how may I help you?

    Arserolfer: Who is LivePerson's stealth marketing company? And who was the jackass up at LivePerson who thought that posting blatently obvious advertising content to Slashdot.org was a good idea?

    Matt: This is LivePerson.com . Which site are you looking for?

    Arserolfer: I'm looking for LivePerson.com -- I'm trying to track down the individuals who are posting illegitimate advertising content to sites like Slashdot.org in an effort to promote LivePerson. Who is your PR company?

    Matt: Regarding that please email PR@liveperson.com

    Arserolfer: Actually, since your PR folks seem to be fine communicating with the general public by using online publication sites illegetimately, I think I'll respond to your PR folks the same way by badmouthing them through those channels. Your company is basically selling chat applets under another name. Stealth marketing is not going to help get your stock price out of the shitter. But it will piss of the development community.

    Matt: Is there anything else I can do?

    Arserolfer: Why yes Matt. You can take your fist and you can ram it up your arse.

    Matt: Thank you for chatting with us. If you'd like a transcript of this chat sent to you by email, please fill in the Exit survey after this chat.

    Thank you for using LivePerson Live Chat! If you'd like a transcript of this chat sent to you by email, please fill in the Exit survey after closing this chat window.

    --
    ------ The best brain training is now totally free : )
  79. Hybrid solution by Ben+Jackson · · Score: 2

    The 411 people seem to have a good hybrid solution to this problem. You call up and a computer asks you to name the city you want, and the listing. They can queue that info, and as soon as a human is ready to help you, they can hear your request (probably with dead space removed, eliminating your stammering) and their voice recognition expert system has prompted them with some likely choices. If there is any question (eg you ask for "McDonalds" in "New York") they can ask for an address or other details. When you and the operator agree on a listing, a computer is ready to read it to you as many times as you like (or "dial it for an additional fee"). This might be hell for the operators, but I bet they can clear 3-4x the volume of information inquiries than they could if they did the computerized parts.

  80. Alternately by SandSpider · · Score: 1
    I'm sure this is a fun way to pass the time with telemarketers, but I would be concerned that it is fraud. After all, you're getting personal information about the caller under false pretenses. Of course, I'm not a lawyer, so I could be completely wrong.

    A quicker way is to simply repeat no. It's easy, takes neither quick thinking nor preparation, and their scripts really can't deal with it.

    Telemarketer: Hello, I am with X and I was wondering
    Me: No, I'm not interested. Thank you.
    Telemarketer: May I ask wh...
    Me: No.
    Telemarketer: But we cou...
    Me: No.
    Telemarketer: Thank you, have a good day.
    Me: Thank you. Good bye.

    Or you could do what a friend of mine does and ask them what they're wearing, and if they'd take it off for you, etc.

    =Brian

    --
    There is nothing so good that someone, somewhere, will not hate it.
    1. Re:Alternately by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      boy, that's a lot of work. If anyone on my phone even begins a "Hello, I am with ..." I say, "I'm not interested, thank you...". Then I hang up.

      Or even better is to say "Please put me on your do-not-call list", then hang up.

      Done, and done.

  81. Reasons for charts by Perianwyr+Stormcrow · · Score: 2

    Let's say I'm the tech and you're the customer. The boxes aid both of us in two ways: First, so that we're sure that you've covered all your bases on your end. Second, so that I don't waste the time of the techs one level above me by trying to outguess the simple bullshit that is at the root of most problems.

    To use an example from an ISP, if someone's web browser isn't working, it's extremely likely that they didn't remember to dial up to their ISP first. Not asking whether that is so is either being plain sloppy or too smart for your own good. What would you think if you waited 45 minutes for the phone tech to walk a person through checking IP configuration and registry settings and what have you when they just jogged the phone wire in the back, and didn't check that because the tech thought his kung fu was superior?

    --

    What we call folk wisdom is often no more than a kind of expedient stupidity.-Edward Abbey

    1. Re:Reasons for charts by Metameme · · Score: 0

      I've DONE tech support for an ISP, and there have been plenty of times that people have called me up claiming to be in all kinds of computer jobs way more skilled than my job was at the time. Yes, I've seen a few of them fail to do simple troubleshooting and was able to catch those pretty well by going over the list. In that sense I agree.

      However, when I call up a certain cable modem provider trying to talk to one of their techs about how their IPs don't have reverse resolution and it's causing me to wait for a 60-second timeout everytime I send mail to certain places, I don't need to be walked through a reset of the CM and the computer connected to it.

      My point is the checkboxes are ALL most of these people have. The problem isn't just computer tech support; my cell phone provider has walked me through some completely irrelevant troubleshooting procedures as well.

      Experienced CSRs - ones that actually work for the company and know their field - should know when a call is outside their ken and be given the ability to pass it on to those who can best handle it.

  82. I wish I was opensource and Free. by Perianwyr+Stormcrow · · Score: 2

    Unfortunately, various biotech companies would have it another way- if there's anything interesting in me, they'd like it to belong to them.

    --

    What we call folk wisdom is often no more than a kind of expedient stupidity.-Edward Abbey

  83. Re:Early post!!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    YOU BASTARD!

    even though im as white as paper, THAT WAS MY LINK!

    bastard.

  84. Answer: Alicebot by einhverfr · · Score: 2

    Actually, several companies are already using alicebot for certain online customer service issues. (see www.alicebot.org for more information). It's Free (i.e. GPL), you don't have to pay it a wage, just keep her hardware running, she can do more work than a single person, and besides, if you ask her, "Hi, How are you?" she will respond with something appropriate ;)

    Closest thing to a live human being without the cost ;)

    --

    LedgerSMB: Open source Accounting/ERP
  85. Bill collectors...Funny. by dameron · · Score: 0

    I get a -lot- of voice mail spam from vendors at my job, and recently we fell behind in our cable ISP service (providing a distant building with VPN and internet services 'til we finish running a conduit).

    I get back from lunch the other day and find that among my regular voicemail spam (users needing connectivity, fires in server closets, IRS, etc.) someone named Dan Tma'bakchatal (a phonetic spelling to be sure, one has to wonder if his -real- first name was Dan) called and simply left his name and phone number.

    Now normally I get all kinds of spam from vendors each week, usually someone pretending to be my friend ("Hey buddy, I heard you needed some more of those 100b switches, well, GOOD NEWS! Seems France's switched over to smoke signals and has nearly thirty thousand 100 port fiber switches, in almost new condition, ready to pick up, how many can I put you down for...?) but this time, -soley- because his name was so strange, I decided to call him.

    As it turns our we were behind with our cable charge by about $600 (we -thought- we'd be cancelling sooner, but alas...) so it was actually good he called).

    I can't help wonder how long government and private bill collectors can reasonably expect call backs (or emailbacks) on intrusive anonymous robotic calls...

    "Hello Mr. X, please call 1-800-xxx-xxxx""

    When does "I never respond to automated messages" become a reasonable answer...?

    -dameron

  86. Claire is a Bitch by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I work in a Sprint PCS call center. If you dial 888-211-4727 you get this automated voice system called Claire. Many customers absolutely hate her. They want to talk to a live person. Unless you know the magic words you won't get to talk to a live person until she asks you a couple of questions and then when you do get a live person it's the lowly customer service rep who has no clue about technical issues and loves to misdirect your call to the wrong technical support department.

    The worst thing is people might get transferred 8 or 9 times, and every time we have to ask them their phone number and name. You can imagine how pissed they can get? I do whatI can for them but if I can't fix their problem there isn't much esle I can do. The nerve of some customers, actually expecting us to be able to help them. How unreasonable can you get?

    As for Visions that has to be the stupidest name for 3G I've ever heard. Technically it's 2.5G.

  87. Customer Service by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Our company succeeds in a tough industry where others fail miserably by consistently providing great service. No hold times, emails are answered in 5 minutes or less. Tickets solved in 10 or at least responded to. Live customer service and we've been looking at Live Person for a while. Customer service is the key.. Then again we also run linux for a large part of our operation and have openoffice deployed widely, and we're no small entity. We're all about the bottom line, but our management doesn't have their heads stuck up their asses, and they trust my boss and I to make proper beneficial decisions as we have for years. Although it's off topic, I have shown several (3) office users open office.. and they switched. Two had a legal copy of MS office! They simply liked OOo better! Kudos

  88. adv: by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Adv: This company is cool.

  89. "Never send a human to do a machine's job" by Alex+Belits · · Score: 2

    Agent Smith may be an extreme misanthrope, but in this case, his expression applies pretty well. There are things where people don't WANT to deal with people on the other end of the line -- those things are detrtministic, and unless something is horribly broken, a simple machine easily gives all the necessary information, performs simple transactions, etc.

    What is my account's balance? Is some payment past due? When will the package arrive? Is there an outage on my service? How much does this thing cost? Will you reimburse me for this? Do you block ports? Where are you located? Transfer my money to another account. Send this to my address. Process this application. Get a credit card payment.

    You don't need a human to answer those things. Actually you DO need a human if you want him to answer or perform them wrong, to pretend that numbers are not what they are, that there is no problems when there definitely are some, to claim that they don't do something, to blame someone else, to pretend to be annoyed, to throw a lot of irrelevant offers, to have problems with handset, or (my favorite) not understanding someone's accent. Human ingenuity is a great help when simple answer exists, but should be hidden at all costs.

    For all those simple things one doesn't need humans, he needs a web site. Or, for people that don't use computers, or are away from them, a simple phone menu. And it will serve its purpose much better than a bunch of minimum-wage drones with headsets ever would.

    Humans are needed for other things, to answer questions that are not asked 65537 times a day, to explain meanings of obscure things that someone's customer may or may not know but it's hard to list all of them on a web site or especially in a phone menu. Humans can make decisions, ask questions based on things that are hard to place in a menu, but those things are far beyond what "AI" can do anyway. It would be foolish to try to replace humans there -- in fact anything that needs "AI" actually needs a human because at this level of technology development AI simply doesn't exist as anything usable. In those cases a proposal to use a machine to do a human's job would be so insane, only Harvard MBA would ever think of such a thing.

    But for the rest of things, I would really prefer a machine.

    --
    Contrary to the popular belief, there indeed is no God.
  90. Every phone number is already an IP address by AnnaBlack · · Score: 1

    The Enum initiative. I refer you to this IETF page and also this article on Enum in NetworkWorldFusion.

    Anna B

  91. How to be a competent telemarketer by Cardbox · · Score: 1

    A friend of mine (telemarketer) - good at his job - told me one simple thing. A good telemarketer is glad when you say No.
    Because the sooner he concludes that call, the sooner he can get onto the next call which may be a good prospect. Only an incompetent will hang on and try and convert a No into a Yes instead of going out hunting for the Yeses that are waiting for him out there somewhere.
    So I always (a) help the telemarketers in their job by politely making it clear, quickly, that I'm not a good prospect and (b) if they don't take that on board, tell them what competence in telemarketing is.
    (b) pisses them off no end but by then they've deserved it.

  92. Customer Support - Planet Internet by derekb · · Score: 1

    My good god Planet Internet has awful technical support. I have to call a 900 number and PAY to be put on hold when they have network problems. And don't think about emailing them, 3 weeks later the best I get is 'change your ISDN settings'. ARRRGHHH *bangs head against table*

    Thanks for letting me get this out of my system in English haha

    One tech support operator can handle multiple people at once with an online system. That's the cost savings! Of course Planet's argument would be 'why bother with a human at all'

  93. why not use both live and bot? by alizard · · Score: 2
    There are things that automated response systems do well. Checking bank balances, for instance. That works OK from either the Web or touch-tone menus. Simple problems should have simple, inexpensive solutions. When I do this, I don't want to socialize, I want to get in, get done, get the hell out. I can push buttons just as fast as anybody they can hire to do this for me.

    There are things that they do badly.
    "My bill is 100x what it should be"... the menus aren't going to help with an automated response to that problem.
    Any kind of technical support. If one has a problem that can't be resolved by reading the FAQ and searching the vendor's tech database, a bot that parses one's question and keyword-matches it to another FAQ is very unlikely to provide a remotely appropriate answer.

    Altavista used one of those bots a while ago for its customer service, making me an early adopter of alltheweb. It's response e-mails said "hit the link to escalate to a human"... without providing the link.

    ICQ's e-mail "customer service" ... same thing... the first try or two, one thinks that one might be dealing with a retarded human. Third time, one knows that it's a bot and there is no way to escalate to a human. Unfortunately, the person I contact this way is not technically clued, so switching to a service run by the clued isn't really an option, if I could get overseas to install a better IM client, I wouldn't need one.

    But I still don't know why my SMS messages, a service which ICQ promotes actively, never get through to their destination or if the problem can be fixed (it's listed in the Network listing and actually worked a couple of months ago), and it's the service I need most. I don't recommend ICQ a lot to other people.

  94. I'd love to see the death of the predictive dialer by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Predictive diallers are the curse of the earth. The number of times my dinner has been interrupted by a phone call, which I pick up only to obtain a ringing tone, which I very quickly hang up on, beggars belief. There is only one solution to this (if you're in the UK): as soon as anyone rings, say "Please remove all details relating to this telephone number and address from your databases". They have a legal obligation to do so.

  95. Look, really, will you sort it out? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Whatever it is in the US that you lot insist on calling a "Union", isn't a Union. Really. This may come as a shock to you, but it isn't supposed to work that way. Unions work perfectly well in the rest of the world, but it seems that in the US a "Union" is simply a tool which a) The workers use to be lazy b) Something which is used to extract and extort money from companies and c) Something which is used to obstruct a company. In anything but the most extreme cases, companies and Unions will happily work together, and the Unions will happily take resonable action to allow them to operate effectively (E.g. closing an unprofitable branch or office. Provided they let the Union know, and make an effort to re-locate employees, the Unions will sit back and let the company get on with it)

    Unions are supposed to be a protection for the workers to stop explotation by the bosses. That doesn't mean that you suddenly have to force everyone to join the Union (A Union only shop? Please! Anything like that would be shot down as descriminatory any place but the US). Being a Union member does not mean that you should suddently suspend all common sense ("Duh, its not my job to pick up that peice of paper, call the Paper Picker Up Union! Duh...."). It is not the job of the Union to protect lazy or incompetent workers.

    Get yourself some proper unions, and a clue stick for all the lazy and idiotic workers who are using a Union as some kind of invicibility shield ("Your threats of the sack cannot harm me, my Union is like a shield of steel!") and you might actually have something that works.

  96. Stopping junk telephone calls and mail in Britain by mccalli · · Score: 2
    Unscrupulous cold call centres in Britain (which is all of them)...

    To get rid of junk telephone calls and most junk mail in the UK:

    I'm on both lists, and I was surprised at how effective these were. I used to be called most Sundays, now I'm never called. I used to receive an absolute torrent of junk mail, now it's barely a trickle.

    Quick tip: when registering for the Mailing Preference Service, don't forget to register common misspellings of your name, your partner's name, your children's name, anyone who lived their previously for whom you still receive mail...you get the idea.

    Cheers,
    Ian

  97. Also Canada and Philippines by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    A lot of this outsourcing also goes to Canada and the Philippines. In one "funny story", my wife, who's Filipino, received a call from a AT&T telemarketer based in the Philippines.

  98. Re:How to stop telemarketing calls once and for al by nycbrujah · · Score: 1

    The last time I asked a Telemarketer to do this, they told me that it was only good for 6 months, and then I would have to ask them to remove me from the list again. I think telemarketing should be considered harassment and treated as such. It is not pleasant being woken up four or more times a day. Especially when one works overnights.

    --
    'Pleasure is the Disease, Pain is the Cure' - Lilith
  99. I prefer phone menus by SlugLord · · Score: 1

    Yes, I prefer automated phone systems. You can always depend on a machine to do exactly what it's programmed to do. You cannot always depend on a human. Far too often I have spoken to incompetent persons who put me on hold, tried to figure out the answer to my question, and then ended up making something up so I would hang up and the next person to answer my next call would have to think.

    Really.

    Granted, there are questions that can't be answered by machines, like those that require thinking, so hire a person for that and make the phone tree have an option to talk to a person only when necessary.

  100. My worst phone experience... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    I wanted to take a bus from my house to some remote location. I call up the bus-line to ask them a question.

    Blah Blah Country Transit Thanks you for calling. If you have a touch tone phone, press 1

    I figure what the hell... it might be faster than waiting on hold for a live person. BEEP, I press 1.

    Thank you for using our new automated system. If you know the route number, press 1, if you would like a list of route numbers, press 2. BEEP (Press 2)

    At this point it starts listing off the route numbers. Oh my god! There are 30 or 40 routes here! The route I want is about 12th on the list. Whew!

    Now that I have the route number I could punch it in. BEEP BEEP.

    If you are heading northbound, press 1. If you are heading southbound, press 2

    BEEP

    If you are leaving from [slight voice change] Watertown mall [slight voice change again] Press 1. If you are leaving from [change] Whatever St. [change] Press 2. If you are ...

    It turns out my stop was 5th on the list. BEEP.

    Please select the location to which you are going. If your going to [change] Stupid Avenue [change] Press 1 ...

    Holy sh*t. F*ck this. I had to take 3 different busses to get where I was going and this was going to take me an hour just to figure out how to get there! BEEP (hit 0 for a live person).

    [Real voice comes on] Where are you leaving from? Where do you need to go? When are you leaving?

    Okay, get on bus 15 southbound at 3:30, get off at Whatever Streeet...

    The live person took about 2 minutes to get me the information I needed. I spent longer than that just figuring out the NUMBER of the FIRST ROUTE I was to take.

    The automated system was such a joke. Damn, I would never had made it anywhere if that is the only way to get the information.

  101. Observation by Lazaru5 · · Score: 1

    The model with the cellphone on Softroad's site is the actor that plays the nerdy lab rat on C.S.I.

    --

    --
    My comments and opinions completely reflect those of anyone and anything I am remotely associated with.
  102. Answering services suck... by Andy+Dodd · · Score: 2

    As some have pointed out, sometimes live human beings aren't much better, and in fact are worse.

    I know it's a little different than a tech support line, but the company where I work was recently bought out by a larger company.

    The company's policy was that no one has voicemail for external calls - It all goes to an answering service.

    The problem is that while there were issues with voicemail that caused it to have a bad rep when it first came out, answering services in general are regarded as being low-quality.

    Especially here - We're a tech company. We can't have suppliers/customers calling and getting some stupid teenager or old lady who is going to munge the details of whatever the message is. Plus, most of our existing customer base is used to being able to leave a voicemail message that goes *directly* to the intended recipient, not through some middle-person. (Let's not even get into issues regarding proprietary information here...)

    Fortunately, the two locations that just merged in have been given an exception - We're now allowed to use voicemail again, but our messages must say, "Please press 0 to talk to a person". Overall, I'm impressed with the sensibilities of the new company. (But all the new red tape sucks...)

    A human is not necessarily the best option...

    --
    retrorocket.o not found, launch anyway?
  103. Best of two worlds by Jeppe+Salvesen · · Score: 2

    First thing to say on a automated phone service, should be

    "please feel free to press 9 at any time to talk to one of our customer attendants"

    or some such thing. Sometimes, those automated phone services are great since you can memorize the numbers you punch to get to where you need to go, other times, they suck since you only use them once a year. Give the people the option.

    --

    Stop the brainwash

  104. Re:How to stop telemarketing calls once and for al by alexjp · · Score: 1
    This is why it's so important to get on your state list, if one's available. A guy got a thousand dollars or so recently after he was called by telemarketers despite being on the statewide do-not-call list.

    If your state doesn't have a list, push for one.


  105. OT: Best EVAR! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0
    Back when I was in college, I had the following exchange with a telemarketer.

    Female Telemarketer (FT): Hi. Blah blah, MCI, blah blah. Long distance blah blah.

    Me: I have two roommates and I can't make phone service decisions without talking to them.

    FT: Blah save money blah blah.

    Me: I'm really not interested right now.

    FT: But blah blah blah.

    Me: I'm kind of busy right now.

    FT: But blah blah.

    Me: Mam, I'm masturbating.

    FT: Oh... umm... uhh... you enjoy yourself then.

    Me: Thanks.

    *click*

    Never heard from them again.

  106. I love articles like this... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    That next person you "interact" will probably be
    Indian. Call centers in England and Australia
    are already being outsouced to India.

    So, while you're getting all touchie-feely about
    customer service, remember that not only are your
    technical jobs being out-sourced to India (going
    rate is about $12k per year for a PhD who can
    crank out quality MS compliant code en-bulk), but
    even your white trash trailer park minimum wage
    cushie desk-phone jobs are going away as well.

    enjoy your econmic decline into the thrid world.

  107. quality has no room in business by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0


    Most business folks in charge of post-sales support can't or don't prove or quantize any profitable return in delivering quality service to customers. They do realize that they need to provide assistance and communicate with their customers, but are so unconcerned with the real 'end-user' result that they always go for the cheapest means of delivering such service. At a place like AT&T Broadband, with millions in customers having issues every day, there is no way to handle the volume at a cost that won't sink the ship other than automating it.

    THIS FUCKING SUCKS AND IS A RESULT OF THE HUGE SIZE OF BUSINESSES TODAY. FUCK THE CORPORATIONS!

  108. Good catch! by Software · · Score: 2
    Good catch (note that Metism doesn't actually exist as a Slashdot user).

    I disagree about the "lame" part, though. Any PR stunt that costs nothing but has thousands of people reading it is pretty good (from a PR perspective, anyway). I say, "Slashdot, though hast been hacked". It will happen again.

  109. Re:How to stop telemarketing calls once and for al by Insightfill · · Score: 1

    We used to say "please take me off your list", but the response was almost always the same:

    Me: "Please take me off your list"
    Spammer: "No." -Click

    Very useful.

    Solution 1: Lead them on with feigned interest for long enough to determine their company and product, then ask to stay off the list.
    Solution 2: Caller ID. Don't like the number - don't answer.
    Solution 3: The pause. When you answer with a "hello", there's a longish pause as the computer connects you to the live person. This one-second delay is your chance to hang-up.
    Solution 4: Some areas offer call blocker service, which takes the "out of area" calls and asks them to release their phone number to your caller ID before your phone ever rings. Very clever commercials behind this.

  110. Smarter than you think by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Yes, mensa259 is right! He/she was smart enough to fool /.

  111. Oh the irony in the (good) story you link.... by The_Guv'na · · Score: 1

    You link to a TIME article; "...like TIME, is owned by AOL Time Warner)". The article mentions "background" product placement in movies. I assume they mean "background" placement like this? ;-)

    Anyway... I'd have some hope of the /. eds actually looking out for this kind of crap but A) They obviously dont read their own zine let alone the comments, AND/OR they are the marketing scum. It really wouldn't suprise me. I think we should bug their phones, sat-track their cats, and put secret webcams in the bogs! *CowboyNeal barges into his mind* Ok scratch that.

    Ali

  112. Doh! "like this?" == www.youvegotmail.com by The_Guv'na · · Score: 1
    Background placement at it's finest.

    A 11.5 hour shift doing next to nothing is suprisingly exhausting.

    Ali

  113. Moderator, you suck floppy donkey dick by drinkypoo · · Score: 2
    Feel free to mark THIS post as offtopic; it is. But I was the first person to say what I said above in this story. In any case you should -never- use the redundant mod because the new post numbers make it too difficult to figure out if someone actually IS saying something redundant or if they are the first to point something out.

    Suck me.

    --
    "You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"