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Microsoft Tries a "Switch" Campaign
Twirlip of the Mists writes "There's a new page on Microsoft's web site that tells the first-person story of an unnamed 'freelance writer' who made the switch from the Mac to Windows XP. The author of the page -- who never identifies herself, and who could very easily be fictional or a composite sketch -- says 'Windows XP gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through Microsoft Office, Internet Explorer, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course. Maybe somebody should email Microsoft and let them know that the Mac has had all of these things for years now ... nah. It'd just embarrass them. Anyway, it's an entertaining read that's good for a laugh." Update: 10/14 21:12 GMT by P : Apparently, Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google has it.
If you can't beat'em, copy'em.
Yes®, it's® true®. I® like® the® Microsoft® Windows® XP® operating® system® enough® to® change® my® whole® computing® world® around®.
{Stuff deleted}
© 2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
"Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus."
Hey! She's not funny looking! Can't those twits at MicroSoft do anything right?
Boobies never hurt anyone. - Sherry Glaser.
Their users are much better looking that the Apple ones.
Choices: You can select which security flaw to patch first.
Flexibility: Your choice of anti-virus program.
Height: 38U, Weight: 0 Newtons, Eyes: #0000FF, OS: Gray Matter 1.0 (Alpha)
Don't you figure that he/she might just be the freelance writer ... that Microsoft hired to write this advertising copy?
I love it!
Breakfast served all day!
It must suck to be a "freelance writer" and to not even get a credit on your "submission" to Microsoft's site...
Nanoox
Will all MS employees trolling here today please (virtually) stand up and identify yourselves so that we can mod your posts down to -1: Troll
Thank you for your cooperation.
LongTail SSH Brute Force analysis tool is here!
my story about how Microsoft Lindows has made my life easier after switching from Windows 2000. That oughta make someone explode at M$.
XD
--j
Linux gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through OpenOffice, Mozilla, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course.
Nero-burning ROM for Linux!
AppleWorks (previously called ClarisWorks) pales in comparison to Microsoft Office XP. There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work. I wouldn't know how to function without the Track Changes and Comments features of Word. I adore the Office Clipboard, which copies multiple elements from one file and pastes them into another.
Nooo! Not the hidey menu thingy! That thing drove me insane! And here it's listed as a plus? I'm sorry, what?
All the Mac hardware--including my printer, broadband cable, Zip drive, and Palm handheld--works perfectly with my Windows-based PC.
Really? You don't say? What about your internal hard drive? And your old applications?
Well, really. From a company with a huge marketing budget, I expect something that isn't (1) a cheap copy of your competitor's and (2) can't be picked into little bits in 15.32 seconds.
Everything is mainstream now.
Part of her "testimony" is this classic line:
My recommendation is to go straight to Windows XP Professional; the extra features for mobile users are worth it. See Which Edition is Right for You? for more information.
Hilarious... like an actual customer would go hunt down links to recommend people buy the most expensive workstation OS they sell. God Microsoft, keep 'em coming, soon you'll be as funny as the Onion!
People shape laws. Not the other way around.
This makes Ellen Feiss and baby jesus cry.
Real people don't say things like:
I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.
That just wreaks of marketing monkey dung.
"Innovation"....
...at least that seems to be their trend-- copying what someone else has been doing, then claiming that their version is "innovative".
<shrug>Whatever, Microsoft. Whatever.
When politicians are involved, everyone loses.
Don't forget that Microsoft was first in brain-washing their customers to actually enjoy being raped daily.
Healthcare article at Kuro5hin
Hey now, i'm using IntelliSpeed(TM) technology.
Seperate accounts for each user? Didn't Unix had that since the late '60s?
Its odd and eerie, like they are twins who are 180 degrees different, almost a mirror image...
Hey, Mekka, ever heard of the rotate tool?
Oh, uhm, never mind.
In the future, I would want to not be isolated from my friends in the Space Station.
That's a very detailed set of procedures that she kindly provided -- I wonder how many times she had to install the OS to get all that info straight?
HEY! Thats the same chick I met on IRC last night!
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
- Windows XP gives me more choices and
- flexibility, and better compatibility with the rest of the technology world.
...
Mobile computing? Versatility? I could swear she was the free-lance writer who wrote the mission statements of a dozen busted dot-coms. No wonder she's looking for cheaper hardware!I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.
There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work.
I wonder if the switch helps her utilize her verticle portals too!
-- Ken Kinder ken@_nospam_kenkinder.com http://kenkinder.com/
Godfather Bill: What's this I hear about one of our freelance writers using a Mac? Make her an offer she can't refuse.
Scene 2: Anonymous writer's bedroom.
(The anonymous writer tosses and turns in bed, and rolls over, waking up. She notices something in the bed next to her and pulls back the sheet to reveal the severed LCD screen from her beloved iMac.)
Anonymous Writer: Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! OK, I'll switch!
Of course there's better virus protection for Windows.
They've got way more practice writing and updating signatures.
See, the great part is that Microsoft tried doing A and B *together*! Now that's novelty.
Right on! In point of fact, there are TONS of things their computers don't do. Just the other day I opened up the case of a friend's Mac, put in a roll of undeveloped film, and waited ... but nothing happened. I mean, isn't it marketed like it's supposed to make digital photography easier?
I'm sure that if I had shelled out the bucks for Windows XP, I would have had 5x7 prints spitting out of that little slot thingy in the front in no time!
(Or better yet, as the unknown author suggests, Windows XP Pro... I really didn't need that extra $110 anyway. Knowing me, I'd only spend it on hookers and booze.)
And yet you read this far, to reply to my comment? Man, if this is boring to you, then the rest of your life must suck.
Flame note, this is intended to be humor. I haven't gotten a chance to play with OS X, but it looks pretty cool.
Top 10 reasons Apple is a bit like Communism
10) Lots of cool intellectuals and artsy types seem to like it.
9) Fun to stick it to "Evil Abusive Capitalistic Monopolies".
8) Ton of zealots constantly proclaiming the beauty of the new revolution.
7) Everything seems to work together easily. However, you have to give up some choice.
6) Stores on the other side always seem better stocked and have better selections.
5) Goal is to make life as easy and fair as possible.
4) Hides much of the inner workings of the system so the people don't have to worry about them.
3) Although they do not admit it, most of their competitors have used at least some of their ideas.
2) While it looks like they were beaten in the 80's, may just be making a comeback.
1) Given history of past practices for the "greater good", scared to death of what the world would look like if they actually took over.
Even better...On what seems to be the remnants of Caroline Woodham's (photographer's name just below picture):
www.svidaho.net/~cw/index/ GIF's/Apple%20Logo.gif
"Designed and Maintained on a Mac!"
Wow, that's quite an innovation. I wonder how they thought of that. I get a little tired of having to use this "root" account that came with my Linux package. It's kind of a stupid name and I wish I could change it to my name. Maybe someday Linux will have separate accounts for each user.
Best. Comment. Ever. Enjoy!
I was up and running in less than one day, Girl Scout's honor.
* Insert warm fuzzy feeling here *
Confucious says: Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
// jeku.com
Joe, an IT specialist
Ever since we've made the switch to Windows XP, boxes have been crashing left and right and now I'm busier than I ever have been. When we were running Unix boxes, I rarely had anything to do, and that looked bad to upper management.
Selma, a tech support team member
You know, ever since we've replaced our Macs, we've been bombarded with user interface questions and how to get rid of that annoying Clippy. Upper management has been noticing how busy we've been lately and now we're getting more money for our department. Sweet!
she can only enter a mcdonalds in disguise.
What would that be, a fat suit?
Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape
- The woman in the picture looks like she's in the middle of a commercial for a yeast-infection or genital-herpes remedy. "With Windows, I don't have to be afraid to tell people what operating system I use. And that's a weight off my shoulders, so I can spend more time enjoying life."
- "It's about more and better." Wow. That's substantial and profound. I thought she said she was a "professional writer."
- Most of the page is devoted to explaining how to use wizards. If you need to explain how to use your wizards, your need to fire your usability team.
- She finishes her pitch by talking about installing drivers and finding more programs to convert her Mac documents every day: "I discover more treats daily. For example, Word Converters are helping me transfer old document files, Microsoft Works files, and even AppleWorks files. It will be an ongoing process, but I'm thrilled so far." In other words, she still hasn't been able to convert all her documents, and she expects it to be a long, ongoing process... and this is why Windows is "better?"
Personally, I don't think Microsoft wrote this. I think someone from Saturday Night Live broke into the MS server room and uploaded this.How low can you get? Does anyone really BELIEVE this story? I sure hope not.
But at the end of the article, there are forms in PDF and Word (natch) where you can send in YOUR experiences with Windows. Come on Slashdotters, fill them out and send them in! PDF and Word
Here is the text of the document. It gets better...
Show Off Your Skills
Are you a whiz at using a Microsoft product at home or in the office? Are you the one everyone comes to when they need to know how to do something? If so, we'd love to see what you can do.
A whiz? ha ahaha I think they mean wiz. Oh brother.
We're collecting ideas for articles on the Microsoft Insider Web site. Some of your work or submissions may be included in a gallery on the site, featured in press releases, or developed into how-to articles.
This just in: Microsoft invents user-friendly HOWTO documents.
Note: We will not feature any of your work without first receiving your permission.
And having you sign away the rights to any experience you may have, or have had in the past to the sole ownership of Microsoft.
To participate, please send us:
Your first and last name
Name of your company or organization (if applicable)
Brief description of your company or organization, including industry and size
Brief description of which Microsoft product you use and how you use it
Personal contact information, including address, phone number and e-mail address
Samples of your work--either hard copies of your marketing materials or a Web site address where we can view your work. Please be sure to include any user names or passwords that might be needed.
WTF???
You can submit your sample(s) one of two ways:
1. For online materials, send an e-mail message with the subject line Microsoft Publisher Customer Stories to insider@microsoft.com. (Note: Please do not send any attachments over 1 megabyte in size.)
Or with any malicious VBscripts attached
2. For printed materials, send hard copies to:
Microsoft Insider Customer Stories Microsoft Corporation 9931 Willows Road Redmond, WA 98052 Microsoft will not share the information you provide with third parties without your permission except where necessary to complete the services or transactions you have requested, or as required by law.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Yes, there is. It's very much like Office XP, but without the pee that comes with with the Windows version...
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
I wrote her, expressed my sympathies at her unfortunate un-feminine name, and congratulated her on the apparent success of her modeling career. I hope she writes back...I'd like to enhance her user experience even more...
Importing Messages. I upgraded to Outlook when I installed Office XP. I chose Yes when Outlook asked whether I wanted to import messages from Outlook Express. Later, I had to uninstall and reinstall Outlook, but all was not lost.
Hmmm. In the way she writes her excitement on using this piece of crap, it looks she is another outlooker that says yes, Yes, YES to every Klez juicy flavour and every LOVE YOU letter... Probably the new, fresh and exciting BugBears will make her dreams sweet... I imagine the ride of joy she'll have when some Barby/Trojan will salute her in one more of these exciting [censured] M$ gifts...
Don't you think there are people as similarily pleased with Linux that would appear in ads if given half a chance?
Would seeing CowboyNeal on your tv make you want to switch?
People shape laws. Not the other way around.
Here's what I submitted as my XP switch story. :-)
P G? x=x&dasite=GETTYIMAGES&dareq=1A0C1F181E05 D2337394D32324055454243585F414E
You can use my personal photo from this web page:
http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/AA046139.J
8031402
My name is Linda Lee and here's my story!
"WindowsXP is great!"
OKay, I admit it! I've been a Linux user for years! You know, one of
those communists who thinks that everything should be free and forgets
to use deoderant. Recently, I was reading a totally unbiased
technical article in a magazine that informed me that the competition
just cannot stand up to Microsoft's (r) Windows (r) XP operating
system.
Let me tell you how lost I have been all these years, using free,
open-source software! What a waste of my life! As soon as I read
about all the great features, I threw some clothes on (shoes too!) and
ran out to my nearest CompUSA to buy a copy of Microsoft (r) Windows
(r) XP Professional for about 400$US. I got home, ripped the
shrink-wrap off, read over the draconian EULA (I don't mind giving up
some freedoms, Windows (r) is just too great), and immediately got to
installing.
After installation, I was unable to activate my copy of Microsoft (r)
Windows (r) XP. Sure, there was a little hic-up here, but after all,
you sometimes have to make sacrifices for quality! After about a
month of not being able to use my computer, customer support finally
just said I could use a "back-door" activation code. How wonderful
that Microsoft are helping me out at their own peril!
It only took me about three months to get me up and running! Girl
Scout's honor!
More Crashes, Less Work
Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP lets me relax more through my busy work
day. With continuous crashes and reboots, I can spend more time
sipping coffee than doing my job! Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP also
ensures that the work I do manage to get done is of the highest
possible quality. I demand that I be empowered to rewrite a document
I lost four times so I can be certain that it is very refined.
More Software Flexibility
Previously, I had access to hundreds of thousands of free software
products. But they were free, and we all know that anything that's
free is worth nothing! Now I can go out and spend anywhere from 50$US
to 5000$US dollars on a box with a CD-ROM disc in it! With a cost
like that, it ought to be some really good software!
Final Comments
If it wasn't for Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP, I wouldn't bathe, use
deoderant, or wear clothes all day. I would just sit around and
stink, rotting in my house, getting fat! Thanks to my switch to
Windows (r), I'm healthy and have a great life! Thanks Microsoft (r)!
Why bother.
I should add that not only is she a guy .... but also he has obviously managed to make it through the Girl Scouts .... obviously his teenage years were either a lot of fun .... or seriously confused .... I'm just waiting for the GSA suit against M$ for either misusing their trademark .... or sneaking a boy into a troop
The fact that Don made it all the way through the Girl Scouts with his 'honor' intact is pretty amazing ....
The fact that every component in a mac laptop except the CPU is superior to my windows laptop, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact that the networking makes Windows XP look like it's from the 80's DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact that apple has had a connection faster than USB2.0 for the past three years, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the LCD is clearly better, and the fonts on a mac are arguably better, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the OS seamlessly supports every component on the laptop with no quirks, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the laptops are silent except for the hard drive, DOES NOT MATTER!
When will you apple dorks realize the only important possession a man has is the MHZ of his CPU. Everything else comes second, even when the CPU speed causes me to sacrafice something from every other component on the system.
CPU MHZ IS GOD!!!!~~~~
I live in a giant bucket.
"resistance is futile" campaign?
~ now you know
I saw an ad on TV last night for some PC maker who's got some sort of PC with a long neck and a flat panel, just like an Apple and comparing the two.
The funny thing was, they never showed the PC turned on. I guess they had to do something to keep it from crashing during the filming of the ad.
The thing about things we don't know is we often don't know we don't know them.
Also, in response to the posters above who remarked that she is so much better looking than the women in the Mac ads: I'll bet the picture shown is not the writer of the article.
I'll second that bet. Here at Comcast, we've got all sorts of pictures on our intranet sites of people, who seem to look like models trying to look like regular employees. It's funny though, that I've never seen one of these people in person.
So the other day I was walking on the ground floor of the building, and I could see inside of the First Union bank we've got here also. What do I see but some random FU ad, showing the same old bitch I keep seeing on the entrance to our intranet site!
These lazy companies can't even get original clip art.
She never claimed to be an EDITOR.
"And like that
that's weird...
Who wants the honor of letting Photodisc know about this alleged copyright violation... If only there were some hardware protection to keep such (alleged) things from happening...
Yes indeed!! XP is more interesting too! You get to use software that cannot be deleted, no matter how hard you try! That's an advantage if you have mean little kids who like to delete stuff. And you get to use soft that you would never see on a secure system, like snortin' Norton Anti-creepy-crawlies, and McLaughee laughware. You get to download patches every week too! What fun, especially on a 56K connection. And the best of all is that you get to contribute to a monopoly owned by a megalomanic wimp and presided over by a balding red-neck, lying, rather Ballmy type who loves to dance on stage and lie about Open Source, spread FUD and crush the competition illegally! Yes indeed, M$ is more fun.
Rien n'est plus beau que le creux du 0.
MS just pulled that ad, and it's not in the Google cache.
Anyone got a copy they can upload somewhere (or email it to me, i'll handle it)?
Why won't slashdot let me change my terrible username
If you say "I'm not homophobic" it doesn't magically make it true. Especially if you follow it up with harsh invectives like "fag(got)".
shuddup ya choad-smoking, butt-banging, cum-slurping fruitcake.
NEWSFLASH: Slashdot readers not persuaded by Microsoft advertising. In other news, pigs remain wingless.
"Linux isn't living up to any of the claims that MS or Apple are making."
LOL!!
I can see the Linux ads now:
"So.. like, I bought this Firewire Video camera, and I like shot some footage of my dog and stuff... and like when I plugged the camera into my Linux laptop.. uh.. well it didn't work. So first I went to find a firewire driver. And uh.. well I couldn't find one of those, but I find a kernel update that had firewire support. So I downloaded and recompiled and typed this in and that in and that kind of worked. Then.. then I had to find a free-app that'd do DV-capture and editing. After a few days of posting news groups, I eventually did find one that sort of worked. Of course, I had to fix a bug or two for it to be useful. But hey! It's free!! Isn't that the great thing about Open Source? Fixes happen like really really fast. Anyway, so I sort of got that running... and uh now I can get video from my camera to my laptop. It only took a few weeks! So like there's no way I'm going back to Windows now because I put all this damn effort into this and finally got it working.
My name is Ronald and I'm a Linux Zealot."
It's a joke, laugh.
I think the Apple switch campaign was the best advertising they could have gotten. Every time I see one of those smug, smarmy bastards talking about why they switched, it just makes me cling to my cvrappy Windows box more, out of spite. It's like those "The Truth" anti-smoking ads, that make you want to start going at a pack a day, just to shut the little punks up.
Look at the article 'she' shows an example of a file open box .... obviously her real name is 'Don Funk' and quick google search shows 'her' email address is 'donfu@microsoft.com'
/showmeta "cn=Don Dunk,ou=Marketing,dc=microsoft,dc=com" server1.microsoft.com
Even more interesting..."Don Funk" is used in microsoft examples(i.e. msdn code snippets). Here is one showing Microsoft's repadmin.exe(diagnoses replication problems between Windows 2000 domain controllers):
repadmin
Funny, isn't it? Make your own conclusions!
If that's the true definition of "capitalism", why is it kept so quiet that even bringing it up makes you sound like some sort of fringe nutjob?
Any sufficiently well-organized community is indistinguishable from Government.
> Update: 10/14 21:12 GMT by P: Apparently,
> Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google
> has it.
She must have switched back
Insert simplistic political, ideological, or personal proselytization here.
I realize M$ took the article down, but is the preferred method of submitting insider article ideas still via the following document links:
- or -
Would they prefer you just take over one of Micro$oft's IIS servers and replace the c:\wwwroot\ with your story content? Is there a code-redify wizard available to automate the process of taking 0wn3r5h1p of an IIS server, or does this have to be done manually? Thanks if someone knows...
www.dedserius.com
VB != VisualBasic
Here dad is helping figure out what "fatal error in krnl32.dll means". Say, isn't that a mac they're using?
Ha! It is indeed. It looks like an LC. The keyboard is an Apple Extended Keyboard. That's too funny... You'd think with a budget like Microsoft's, they could at least avoid promoting the competition in their ads...
STOP . AMERICA . NOW
Tale of two WAH!! I had that for a reading assignment, back in college
and I couldn't paraphrase a friken paragraph in it, so I red the Cliff Notes.
Yeah, and if all the bad press fails, we can always bring the Microsoft marketing machine to a complete standstill by slashdotting getty images.
The Borg are known for their perfection and adaptive systems! Depicting Gates as Borg is downright insulting to the Borg Collective.
-------- Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground.