Slashdot Mirror
Microsoft: We Make Hackers Obsolete
bahamat writes "This article explains how Microsoft was forced to yank a magazine ad by the Advertising Standards Authority. In the ad MS claims that they'll make the hacker extinct. The tagline reads "Microsoft software is carefully designed to keep your company's valuable information in, and unauthorised people and viruses out. Which means that your data couldn't really be safer, even if you kept it in a safe. Which is great news for the survival of your company. But tragic news for hackers." Does MS really think that people are too stupid to remember what happened less than 2 months ago? My favorite quote from the article is "Clarke described Microsoft's claim as "laughable". "
I wonder if they used stock photography again this time?
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin
So where is their product that makes hackers extinct! I havent heard of the release yet! This is great new! Does someone have a link to it?
Instead of the ad showing the greasy hacker it should show the hacker with huge muscles and maybe like laser beams shooting from its eyes as it thrives in the microsoft environment. I bet then they'd run the ad.
-Eod
Maybe they've finaly refined their product to the point where you simply can't boot it anymore. Put your safe inside your computer and feel as safe as ever.
Computing in Hell:
The security of Windows, the ease of use of Linux, and a Macintosh mouse!
"Those who have never entered upon scientific pursuits know not a tithe of the poetry by which they are surrounded."
It IS hacker proof - we don't have access to the source, how are we supposed to hack on the code?
*rim shot*
Because it doesn't require a hacker to break into Microsoft products, any average user can do it.
I can't believe it; someone LYING in an ADVERTISEMENT?! This threatens the integrity of the entire advertising field!
Windows 2000 Server:
3 vulnerabilities in 7 yea--- days!
/^[A-Z0-9._%+-]+@[A-Z0-9.-]+\.[A-Z]{2,4}$/i
The product is called "Microsoft Offswitch"
Microsoft's typical strategy at this point is to sue the ASA.
Jason
ProfQuotes
" In the ad MS claims that they'll make the hacker extinct. "
I don't see what the problem is. It's true! Why be a hacker when you can do it all as a script kiddie?
From the Jargon Dictionary link in the article:
hacker n. [originally, someone who makes furniture with an axe]
Why would Microsoft even care about some crude pre-modern furniture makers? I am beginning to think there was more than one reason the advertisement got yanked.
http://phunny.drghetto.com/switchlinux3.swf
much more creative.
YOU SUCK BALLS!
Are you some kind of robot? If yes, what powers do you have? Do you use them for good or for awesome?
Which is great news for the survival of your company. But tragic news for hackers.
Even if it were true that Microsoft platforms were secure and immune to outside vulnerbilities, their advertisement implies that hackers would become extinct using their platforms.
This should lead us to believe that anyone who cares to code or develop applications on a computer, or any company that wants to have or just use any applications post-Microsoft platform era, should no longer use their platforms as they make hackers extinct? It is rather a catch-22 situation for Microsoft is it not, that their platform will prevent anyone from developing it further once hackers are obsolete (although with a perfectly performing system why would they need to develop it further?)
But thanks for the warning Microsoft, we should not develop for their platforms and must move to other platforms if we want to hack away at the system to create applications. How nice of them to advertise this fact.
... I guess
Thriving? More like stagnating. There's not really much of a challenge. Just look at all the script kiddies going around these days. Maybe they mean "our software is so riddled with holes, real hackers need not apply".
Who needs hackers when the Windows can exploit itself over and over again...
I believe it's called self-abuse... for the more techie, it's known as digital-masturbation.
Welley Corporation - SLM Scammers
Holden: Yeah.
Banky: Good. Over here, we have a publicly accessible, secure, and intelligently maintained Windows server. Down here, we have a self-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter Solaris admin. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The self-hating admin.
Banky: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0118842
"My God, this must be a truly remarkable corn chip, to be so widely and confidently touted."
Strong Bad is so awesome!
-- derby
My daily commute to/from work near Silicon Valley takes me on highway 101 in the Redwood City area. There are tons of billboards around but one always stands out, because it is the only billboard that is electronic. It is brighter than all the others, and it changes what it shows every five seconds or so.
One of the most commonly seen ads on this electronic billboard is Oracle's "Unbreakable" farce.
Last week a fellow cohort of mine was driving in at 6:30am and happened to glance at the billboard. It was showing the Blue Screen of Death.
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then ???, then profit.
How many slashes would a slashdot dot, if a slashdot could dot slashes?
Evil l337 h4x0r: Mwah ha ha! I am going to break into this system, cause it to become slow and unreliable, trash lots of files, turn the security framework into pure unmanageable chaos, and make it send out IP packets violating several RFCs!"
(Typing...)
Elh: Ah, crap, it's already running Windows.
When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a skull.
Microsoft Disclaimer: Please uplug all Cat-5 and/or modem cables from your system and do not connect to any networks, especially the internet in order to take full advantage of our "Hacker Exterminator" Technology. Wireless networking is included in this disclaimer. Thank you for choosing Microsoft.
The two oldmen from Muppet Show:
-- I believe this ad is true?
-- Huh?
-- They'll be secure in a billion years and we'll be all extinct!
I think you meant shut it down.
You may have stumbled on to Microsoft's secret security strategy here.
- Release insecure software for over a generation.
- Watch 'real' hacker skills atrophy with time.
- Implement all the code fixes they have been secretly stockpiling in Bill's underground lair.
- MS systems become inpenetrable.
Maybe this is the real reason MS wants Linux eliminated, because it keeps hackers sharp.
"The words of the prophets are written on the Slashdot walls."
Actually, to make this true you would really just need to revise the End User Licensing Agreement:
By clicking "I agree" below, the user warrants that:
1. 'carefully designed' means 'cobbled together from papers we found in a dumpster at Xerox Parc in 1981 and have been trying to figure out ever since.'
----
2. 'Your company's valuable information' excludes any material represented on fixed or removable storage media, in any volatile or non-volatile memory, or intercepted network communications.
----
3. Microsoft warrants that the operating system will keep viruses from damaging the system. For the purposes of this agreement, 'virus' shall be defined as any file ending in '.txt' or '.jpg'
----
3. Microsoft warrants that the operating system will keep 'unauthorized people out.' For a person to be recognized as 'unauthorized' for the purposes of this agreement, they must be registered in a handwritten book at the corporate headquarters of Microsoft's Solomon Islands subsidiary. Names may be added to this book in person, between the hours of 8:00am and 8:10am on the eleventh of every month beginning with "F." By appointment only.
-------
Believe me, I'm as surprised by my comment as you are.
"The 1974 Ford Pinto: Featuring a non-exploding gas tank!"
"Amtrak: No more deadly derailments, we promise!"
"Slashdot: Never a duplicate story!"
bring in the script kiddies!
Does MS really think that people are too stupid to remember what happened less than 2 months ago?
They don't just think it... They count on it.
For example, just pulled from the Microsoft outlook home page:
If you have Outlook version 2002, you already have industry-leading technologies helping to protect your data.
Evidently, Security Bulletin MS03-003 is some of that industry-leading technology.
It says so in the license!
"Orthodoxy is unconsciousness" - Orwell
Alternative Title/Article
Microsoft: We Make Our Programmers Obsolete.
The article really reads: "Microsoft software is carefully designed to keep your company's valuable information open source at Microsoft, and unauthorised people and virii/worms in."
Which means your data couldn't be safer (unless you migrate to an open source operating system/applications or re-install Windows 3.11), even if you keep it in a Microsoft (TM) built safe (made of paper and duct tape). This is great news for the survival of our company (Microsoft). But tragic news for the uninformed suckers who purchase our products.
All that is required is the acceptance of our standard waiver of liability for installing Microsoft software, and the affirmation that your hardware & software belong to Microsoft... you just rent it.
When we (read: hackers/business users) find security holes in our software (read: spyware) we release download patches, amouting to about 10MB per week, and several reboots. This augers well with 56 K modem users who use Linux to dial their ISP (requiring MS-CHAP), when chap.secrets wont work. Don't concern yourself with patches to increase performance and reliability, we only release 'security' (cough) patches.
And to top it off, each new version of our software grows exponentially in size. The next version of Windows will require 2GB of hard disk space and 1024 MB of RAM to work as fast as it would have with Windows 98 and 64 MB of RAM. Never mind that you are doing exactly the same tasks, and the MS Office file format is ideantical in XP, 2000 and 97.
Microsoft programmers are first rate. They all get their qualifications with toys in breakfast cereal packets.
Prepare to be assimilated! Resistance is futile!
[In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. All hail Tux, commander of the USS Starship Future!]
That's because Microsoft has nothing to do with crackers. It's Frito-Lay that has made crackers obsolete. Tortilla chips have gained so much market share in recent years that crackers just don't have a chance.
To give them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they meant an open safe, with a big arrow pointed towards it and the words "FREE STUFF!" spray painted on the wall. ;-)
"When you get to the point where the postman. bankers and marketing droids notice you suck and lie about it, man, it's over."
It's worse than that. My 70 year old *mom* has noticed it, and she's willing to believe we were put here by a confederation of space aliens and fairies.
KFG
I guess you guys didn't read the extra fine print. It says that the user must... 1. Use a hardware firewall with both incoming and outgoing ports blocks.
2. Use Mozilla instead of IE and Outlook Express.
3. Have two anti-virus programs that checks for updates every five minutes.
4. Sanitize all floppy disks with magnets before use.
5. Check for and download Windows updates daily, unless the updates undoes the previous fix (e.g. Slammer) or breaks the Windows. Consumers should buy a second system and a second copy of Windows.
6. Leave the system off. If you must use your computer, try your local library computer lab. If you must use your home computer, turn it on just long enough to do your business and turn it off when finished. Note that acorrding to EULA, by merely turning on the system, you are acting against the recommandation of MS and therefore, MS is not liable for any damages.
7. Upgrade to the new version of Windows as soon as it is released. Delete your old partition and do a clean install as the new and improved Windows magically wipes away your past problems.
8. If you get hacked with the latest version of Windows, that probably means that you are a pirate.
9. If you are not a pirate, that means that you must have violated one of the clauses above and MS shall not be held liable.
10. If you followed all the clauses above, by EULA, you must submit the problem to us, so that we can put a clause excluding your error in the future EULA (to be installed with the next patch) so that MS MS shall not be held liable. If you do not submit your error, you are in violation of EULA and MS shall not be held liable.
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
They never said anything about locking the safe.
Always read the fine print... even if it isn't there.
OS Software is like love: The best way to make it grow is to give it away.