Slashdot Mirror
"Time-Traveler" Busted For Insider Trading
Chester sent in a story that has been making the rounds for a bit, but if you haven't bumped into it, "Yahoo! TV came up with this weird story about a guy who caught police's attention by gaining $350 million from mere $800 in two weeks. The twisted part is that he justifies his knowledge about stocks by saying he is a time-traveler from year 2256!"
This is an interesting story, and there are several things we
should note about it. First of all, it's posted in the
"Entertainment News & Gossip" section of Yahoo! TV. That should
be a fairly big give away. Second this guy allegedly got
arrested January 28th, yet no major news outlet has picked the
story up.
With those pieces of information let's look at the story. The
story claims this guy made $350 million dollars in two weeks
with only an $800 dollar investment by making 126 high-risk
trades. It also alleges that he came out a winner every time.
The article then leads you to believe the SEC thinks it's
insider trading and that his story about being from the future
is obviously false. Yet any person with reasonable intelligence
will realize that even with insider information, there is no way
someone could make 126 "high-risk" trades and come out on top
every time. To have a record that perfect someone would need
foreknowledge.
The article appears to be trying to persuade us that the man had
insider knowledge, yet when you evaluate the story at face
value you walk away thinking "no way, insider information isn't
*that* good. He *must* be from the future".
The major problems with this story though lie in the basic
facts:
1. There is no Andrew Carlssin being investigated by the SEC
2. The SEC does not have police powers and cannot arrest people
3. The alleged high risk trades didn't take place
4. There is in fact no record of *any* of the events mentioned
I could go on and on, however there is absolutely no solid
factual information to back this story up. I saw this article a
few days before April 1st, so I thought it was some type of
elaborate April fools day joke, but I wanted to put it to rest
once and for all, so I called the SEC Public Relations office.
They said the article is completely made up and has no basis in
fact. It's not even based on an actual investigation.
Of course we knew all this because this story is posted in the
"Gossip" section though.
Doug Tolton
"The destruction of a value which is, will not bring value to that which isn't." -John Galt
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,630-627115 ,00.html
"The SEC has never heard of Carlssin, and several "facts" are plainly untrue. "
The Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
While very high in entertainment value, if you start posting stories from Weekly World News we're in for a ride. These are the people that are also reporting that Saddam made a gay porn film in 1968 in which his "acting" almost moved the reviewer to tears.
My favorite was the sex, liquor and drugs diet I saw about this time last year in WWN.
The best way to do is to be.
I can't think of anything that typifies Slashdot better than posting a four-week old article from the Weekly World News.
If it ain't broke, you need more software.
Even if he wasn't lying, even if this wasn't the Weekly World News...
He should still be busted. Stock gains through timetravel would be unethical for the same reason insider trading is illegal.
Maybe it's because you had to set back your clock in order to get Office to work again? ;)
I want the fire back.
A) This is old news.
B) It's a Weekly World News story.
C) You missed April Fool's by over two weeks.
D) You're stupid.
Alright, this is obviously a hoax, because he would have *known* that he was going to get caught! Not only that, if we've learned anything about time travel from hitchiker's guide to the galaxy, we've learned that you don't need to make high-risk trades...just put a couple of pennies in your favorite bank back in 1860 and then live off the interest in 2356 or whatever year. Sheesh...this guy had no class whatsoever. He has *no* clue where his towel is.
The anti-salmon
sigh
At any rate, here you go. No truth - just cuz it's on Yahoo, don't ignore that fact that it was written by the GODDAM WORLD WEEKLY NEWS. Christ on a crutch...
I knew this was fictional before all of you, because, I am in fact, from next Wednesday! I traveled back in time several days just to get the first post here telling you all it's false.
But alas, my internet connection was too slow and I couldn't get FP!
If you read carefully you see that the source is the "Weekly World News." You know that trashy tabloid newspaper at the grocery store right next to the National Enquirer? If you saw this story on the front cover of the tabloid while picking up some Doritos, you would chuckle and move on. But in the world of the Internet, it's posted on Yahoo and looks just like every other Yahoo news article, except for the fact that it's on tv.yahoo.com instead of news.yahoo.com. Even Slashdot picks it up (in jest, right guys?) and it looks even more legit.
So it just goes to show you that on the Internet, you need to check the source of news a little more carefully since tabloid news can have the same exact "look" as the real news.
This has to be a hoax for no other reason than it would be pretty much impossible to turn $800 into $350 million in a short period of time, no matter what you knew. Even Hillary Clinton only turned $1000 into $100,000 and that took a year.
Maybe's he actually a time-zone traveller who travelled 2256 miles (and 4 time zones) from the west coast. The whole thing sures smells of the wacky tobacy....
Why do I h8 apple?
I don't see what the big deal is... I bet I could go from $800 to $350 in less time. Heck, I bet I could go from $800,000,000 to $350 in just a little bit longer. Especially with the current market conditions.
Norris/Palin 2012
Fact: We deserve leaders who can kick your ass and field dress your carcass.
The rest of the Yahoo web site is also funny, though. I did not know about it.
Time travel into the future of programming: http://mozart-dev.sf.net
-- Did you try Tao3D? http://tao3d.sourceforge.net
Can we *please* have an interview with this guy ? Since he seems to have a clue we could once and for all settle the question whether Linux succeeds on th e desktop or not.
Snopes debunk this story here
;-)
Its always worth checking with Snopes. That and checking for dupes I guess
wot no sig
Relative to him the knowledge of the stock's going through the roof is common knowledge so is it still insider trading? Did he break any laws in obtaining the knowledge? NO! I say let the man have is 350 million dollars :) Food for thought....
Thanks to who ever submitted this story cause it made me laugh right before I left work. It's a funny piece.
"I believe in everything in moderation. Including moderation." -Dean DeLeo, Stone Temple Pilots
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/2854189.stm
Hey good idea for a slashdot poll,
What would you like to find out from the future?
When I will die?
Should I invest in RedHat and OSDN?
Will JLo's marraige last?
Do you know Cowboy Neal?
Will they ever make Survivor Redmond?
Everyone knows the world will end Dec. 18th 2062 when Halley's Comet strikes into the earth... people are so easily manipulated
Regardless of the fictional aspect of this story, it made me think of an interesting question:
If a person devises a time machine, how can they both (1) travel back in time and (2) account for the displacement of the Solar System and its planets in that time?
For example, if he traveled back 200 years but remained in the same position, he would have appeared not in Wall Street but in space to quickly die in a vaccuum. The comfort of Earth would literally be billions of miles away.
Healthcare article at Kuro5hin
Take a look at:
The Osama Bin Laden Suicide Bomber Dating Service
Terry Brooks to rewrite The Lord of the Rings
Baen Books Announces Product Placement Deal with Microsoft
Each and every one of these stories is as true as the parent, and most are funnier...
Lawrence Person (lawrencepersonh@gmailh.com (remove all "h"s to mail)
http://www.lawrenceperson.com/
Isn't this about the time the events in the StarTrek universe takes place?
GrimReality
2003-04-17 19:06:47 UTC (2003-04-17 15:06:47-0400)
To find out if he is really from the future, simply ask him how many times this story will be reposted on Slashdot.
I knew when we came in 2002, Andrew would be the one to screw it up.
... really this guy should have gone back to 1986 and invest in a little upstart called
Gullibility of
Fark
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick
Puh-leease....
As a current tourist in your quaint era, I can assure you that time-able persons such as myself amuse ourselves by participating in Slashdot forums, downloading p0rn, and watching that gem of two-dimensional entertainment - Saved By The Bell. We do NOT participate in "insider trading" since your credit cards are paltry to imitate using some peanut brittle, gum, and the inner workings of a common saucer part.
I didn't realize that stuff from the World Weekly News was /. worthy...
A new feature is just a bug waiting to happen. And vice versa.
Look again - this was posted in Slashdot's humor section. See the foot icon.
You do know this was posted under the HUMOR section, right?
/course/ it's fake. We all know that. But it's still damn funny!
Of
Some people take life too seriously.
Colin
Colin Davis
Although this comes from the WWN, it was also noted that in the year 2256 the Chicago Cubs still haven't won a World Series and Dick Clark is still alive.
Those two items give the story some credence.
If someone was *really* from 250 years in the future, would it be obvious just by talking to them? Would it be easy to distinguish between a real time traveller and some delusional person who thinks they are from the future or a deliberate fake?
On one hand they probably speak very strangely, using words, grammar and ideas that have not been developed yet but are consistent. They would also have a very detailed and consistent knowledge of a future world way past the ability of the average person to make up. They probably would also have knowledge of future technologies and so forth and be able to describe them in the detail. But none of this would be verifiable, and most of it would probably sound outlandish. If you were zapped back to 1750 you'd probably be able to tell people about aeroplanes, tungsten light bulbs, telephones, computers etc. but you would be hard to build any of them from scratch. Would anyone believe you?
The skit was on snl after the 80s stock market crash. Future man with his perfect stock picking record refuses to tell if or when a recovery happens despite the pleas of analysts.
When one of the analyst does himself in, they ask future man if they knew that would happen.
"yes"
" then why didn't you stop him"
"I never liked him"
You know, sometimes they actually print things that are true. When I was in high school in the 80's, someone at my school got really drunk at a party and was dropped off at 2 a.m. by his "friends" in a snowbank near his house. He nearly froze to death - his body temperature got well below the level where normally you would die. His feet and hands were ice chunks, but he miraculously survived. The Weekly World News picked up the story, and reported it very accurately.
All is Number -Pythagoras.
But how does Bat Boy tie into this?
When punk rock is outlawed, only outlaws will have punk rock.
Man, when Fark makes fun of you for being gullible, that's bottom of the barrel.
Hell, that's about as embarrasing as appointing someone from DoubleClick as head of your national privacy adminis....D'oh!
What were you expecting?
Dear Friends,
My name is Andrew Carlssin. In September 2256 my car was reposessed and the bill collectors were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was
laid off and my unemployment checks had run out. The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was my time machine and some stock ymbols. I longed to turn my advocation into my vocation. This December 2002 I went on a four month time-jump. I bought and sold a couple of stocks for BIG MONEY in April 2003.
I'm currently under investigation by the SEC for insider trading, but all I need to do is get back to my time machine and return to 2256. I will never have to work again.
Today I am rich! I have earned over $350,000,000.00 (Three Hundred and Fifty Million Dollars)) to date and will become a billionaire within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This money making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or post office.
In October 2255, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could earn $50,000 dollars or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the console of my time machine. It's funny though, when you are desperate, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by getting into my time machine and going back to hang out with Jesus. I proofread a rough draft of what would become the Bible and than glanced at the letter on the console. All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams. I realized that with the power of the time machine I could expand and enhance this money making formula into the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created. Most of the hard work is speedily done via self-serve online brokerage houses throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams will come true.
Sincerely yours,
Andrew Carlssin
INSTRUCTIONS
1) Buy a time machine.
2) Capture all of the open and close prices with the largest up or down changes for the past couple of months. Double-check all the numbers; you wouldn't want to lose all your money on a typo.
3) Go back in time to the start of the prices that you've recorded.
4) Start trading like nobody's business. Try to make some intentional mistakes to try and cover up your tracks -- don't be like me and lead the SEC auditors straight to your portfolio!
Dossy's Blog
I submitted a PCWorld story on the 10th and 11th about AOL applying to the FCC for release from the requirement to make AOL Instant Messener interoperable with other provider's services.
t k,dn040703X,00.asp
The story that was posted on the 12th was about tests of Video Messaging.
http://www.pcworld.com/news/article/0,aid,110158,
would they even have current financial records in 2256, I mean wouldn't the great robot wars have wiped most of that stuff out?
and doesn't it make more sense to only go back 2 weeks? that way you can set up your other self to take the fall while you get plastic surgery and mosey off with the cash.
If you mod me down the terrorists will have won
If it is true we should take the deal he offered, Give us Osama, Cure AIDS, and let him walk.
Now if it is really true the guy would be an idiotic PHB. After all, He could claim the $25 million reward from the FBI, use the money to develop a cure for AIDS and make billions selling the drugs he developed. No one would ever know he is from the future or arrest him for insider trading.
Looking for a job?
Want your resume written professionally?
DON'T USE TUNAREZ!!!
But everyone knows April 17th is "Eastern Orthodox April Fools Day."
My user name was a mistake. Input wasn't restricted, my bad.
If I were coming back from the future in a time machine to score a little cash off of the stock market, 2003 is not the time I'd come back. I'd come back in 1998 or so, start buying like crazy on the leading edge of the bubble, then dump everything in March 2000. And follow it up by a bunch of short trades. Or, without enough appropriately dated seed money, just skip the bubble's rise and go straight for the short trades.
--
"Open source is good." - Steve Jobs
"Open source is evil." - Microsoft
If he picked Syracuse to win the tournament...then we know he's from the future.
-516
For those of you who haven't bothered to read the article, (or those of you who took it seriously) I just have to point out the funniest line in the whole thing has to be where the arrested time traveller claims that, "...I just got caught in the moment."
*_s_l_a_s_d_o_t_s_u_c_k_s_*_s_l_a_s_h_d_o_t_s_u_x_ _
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l|___I___|_____________\__________|______|______l
a|__LOVE_`.__Call_1-800-SUCKTACO__|_______:_____a
s`___M____|_____________|________\|_______|_____s
h_\__I____|_/_______/__\\\___--___\\_______:____h
d__\__C___\/____--~~__________~--__|_\_____|____d
o___\__H___\_-~____________________~-_\____|____o
t____\__A____\_________.--------.______\|__|____t
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s_____|___(____C_____)\_HERE_/__//__C_/_____\___s
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Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page)
Trust me.
BTW, do you know where I can find a Sarah Connor?
If he's from the 23rd century and he's this stupid then he must be a dropout from Star Fleet Academy.
Eternity: will that be smoking, or non-smoking? I Corinthians 6:9-10
"D'you think maybe we should start checking Urban Legends before approving stories?"
Big Daddy, Johnny, Burp, Aunt Zelda, Scott, Slurp, Big Momma
Pregnant man gives birth....That's a fact!
Please don't mix presentation style with semantic markup. Your sentence is not the content of an accent, but should simply be presented on aural browsers using a particular accent. A simplistic example of the correct way to mark up your data would be:
<span style="accent: scottish">I'll have you know it's the eigthth most widely circulated paper.</span>
However following the standards set by the working drafts for XHTML2 you should instead give the span entity a unique id and set its style using an ID-selector in a page-wide stylesheet. You also may wish to provide alternative accents if the "scottish" one is not available on the user's system.
This explains it.
Four weeks ago, he called. He could not believe he got ahold of me. He just about passed out when I said hello. I asked him why he was treating me like a god. He replied that my contributions to the world had many great effects on civilization. He only wondered what I could have done if I wasn't so poor while I was young. Unfortunately, the SEC locked his accounts before he could give me the money.
Can anyone explain to me how this story got so big? I've had a few people send me links, and I've seen it on a few sites... Now slashdot even has it! I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?
It's the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, people!
(Yes, the tabliod refered to as "The Paper" in So I Married An Axe Murderer)
Now that yahoo is syndicating them, there are lots of bullshit stories filled into the yahoo news templates. What makes this one so special that it gets on slashdot? And how many people forwarding it don't actually realize it's from the WWN? I mean, this is the publication that brought us Bat Boy , and the Clinton's Alien Baby stories. And now some crap about a time traveler makes slashdot?
It makes no sense.
__
Choose mnemonic identifiers. If you can't remember what mnemonic means, you've got a problem. - Larry Wall
http://www.ufodigest.com/aprilfool.html
... this is the same rag that brought you "Bat Boy" and "The Amazing 10,000 lbs Lady".
Not only that, the source is quoted as the "Weekly World News"