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The Buttocks Have It
An anonymous reader writes "From this ZDNET article: Future hijackers may find that their
buttocks betray them, if UK defense firm Qinetiq has its way. The company has developed a smart chair stashed with a thicket of seat sensors, according to New
Scientist magazine this week. The same seats could also be used to warn cabin staff of illness among the passengers, potentially alleviating the risk of deep vein thrombosis or DVT."
...are belong to us!
Guess it'll get a lot harder to blame it on the guy next to you...
Hopefully this technology will allow me to find that inconsiderate bastard that keeps farting near me on international flights.
...to not make an ass of yourself after you've had a few too many in first class...
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
[1] Except United in "economy plus" and most American planes, though AA is reducing room again on some flights. Fuckers.
sulli
RTFJ.
The battle against terrorism has taken a new turn, exploting the Nervous AsS Syndrom (a.k.a. NASS).
My buttocks will betray me? Who would have thought?
use a liberal dose of PreperationH before that next flight. Wouldn't want to 'cause an armed pilot to get nervous over little ol' me.
"Excuse me sir, the computer is telling me you might need a hemorrhoid cushion?"
-j
the mos ASSinine thing I have ever heard.
:p
Ok, so I can;t spel.
used to warn cabin staff of illness among the passengers
What I'd like to know is how in the world will they be able to differentiate true illness from mere consequences of eating airline food)?
does this mean they can finally get rid of those damned cavity searches?
"Excuse me, sir, our in-seat rectal analizers have found that you are ill. Would you like some asistance?"
I wonder what would happen when I'm on a flight and decide in need to call my grandmother to see how her day was at the community center?
Will this system throw off false alarms that I've shit myself to the sexy cabin chicks?
Even if it doesn't suffer from interfereance I dont want the cabin girls to know I've farted!!!!
There is no god
Sensors which detect seat movement. Now that's definitely a solution looking desperately for a problem.
So if I'm not in that normal range, say I have a hemeroid, or my ass is sore from biking, or any number of other reasons, am I going to be red flagged? Hauled off in chains? Pestered by flight attendants asking "leading" questions?
The MPAA should put these in theaters that are used for sneak previews.
Had a friend who rated movies by the butt scale. Basically it was how long it took until he noticed his but was hurting from sitting in an uncomfortable theater seat. For a good, engaging film, he never noticed. When his wife dragged him to a chick flick, it was about 20 minutes.
Seems like the movie studios could tell a lot about the success of a movie by using these in previews.
They may as well add in some massage coils and heat strips to the seats when they upgrade. No fair being partison to the terrorists and not giving the honest flyers something at the same time.
This is just more of their unconstitutional rectal profiling!
What is their privacy policy? How do I know they won't sell the info to Jenny Craig?
So what are they going to do when they suspect DVT in a passenger? Bump them to first class?
Guess who's gonna be fidgeting nonstop on my next flight...
-j
Should I be concerned that I find that term highly erotic?
You can always count on the airline industry! Just in case first-time fliers weren't scared enough, they now need to be worried about being jumped because they're acting scared.
"The seat monitors the way the incumbent shifts their weight, producing an indication of whether the occupier is asleep, jumpy or otherwise not conforming to expected normal lower-torso motions."
Won't this be thwarted by the first half-decent poker player?
Sigs are like bumper stickers.
I'm sure those cunning terrorists can come up with a devious method of sitting still, or something similar. This technology would only work if nobody knew about it.
The freedom fighters got to come up with something better to protect our way of life. I'm sure TIA will take care of it all.
How small a thought it takes to fill a whole life
and you thought upskirt pr0n was invasive... "ooo look her ass is getting warm..mmmm"
And now the flight crew has no excuse for not knowing about Lil' Timmy and every other brat that bounces up and down and screws for 4 straight hours. Not that I think they'll care any more or less. Just maybe they'll eject one or two as "suspected terrorists" every now and then.
It makes me wonder: we have regular airlines offering flights in cramped seats for regular prices, and cheap-ass no-frills airlines like Sleazyjet offering the same cramped seats sans in-flight meals or drinks, for less than half the regular rates.
So which airline is going to offer flights at the regular rates, but substituting the frills, meals and drinks for more leg room? I'd fly them, no doubt about it.
If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
At some point all this craziness will have to end.
A simpler solution would be to have the airlines gas us to sleep, restrain us, and place us in those doggie cages in the freight section. This may be the only way to maintain the proper level of safety against terrorism that we deserve.
Now I can't point fingers anymore when I fart.
With these in play, we will soon have more unemployed butt-sniffing dogs. Man, imagine having to break it to Spike or Fido that they're not needed by the company anymore.
Well shoot, I was hoping this was going to be some sophisticated butt-scanning technology to prevent terrorism. Going way beyong retina scans, thumbprints, and even this this that watches how you walk, airline passengers will now have their ass-prints stored in a new FAA database.
This technology could expose all us mutants and aliens, and butt surgery as a countermeasure doesn't sound too pleasant.
True genius is grasping a situation like a peice of fruit, and peircing it just right so that it drains dry.
Don't believe me? Go watch "Remo Williams: the Adventure Begins" some time. (an entertaining book series, but a mildly cheezy movie, and a WORSE TV series.)
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0089901
Wi l ford Brimley's character states, in the beginning "I could find out the temperature of your butt on that chair, if I wanted to badly enough." (or something like that)
Progress is the act of making yesterday's innovations obsolete.e
What is the difference between a small revolutionary change and a large evolutionary change?
I had hoped it would be American, but their bean-counters seem to have concluded that people only buy based on price and not based on comfort. It's too bad, as I usually fly AA or UA, precisely because I don't like being smashed into a tiny pulp by the guy in front of me (leaning back) and the kid behind me (kicking my seat). At least UA seems to be keeping Economy Plus.
sulli
RTFJ.
1. Potential Terrorists could throw off this system immeasurably by just sitting in the wrong seat. "Hi.. i am sorry to bother you, but do you mind if i switch seats with you? I have been given a window seat, and that really scares me. Thank you. I am in D17.." Two days later as a result the American Airlines computer erroneously identifies the person Mr. Terrorist switches seats with as being an alias for Mr. Terrorist. The hapless victim is now on the check-baggage-manually-every-time list forever.
2. I don't know how this technology works, but would it at all affect the floatability of the seats?
No link this time!
Future additions may include temperature and moisture sensors to increase the accuracy of remote diagnosis of problems, and as part of a drive to make the aircraft's environment react intelligently to the needs of the passenger.
Considering some of the flights that I've been on, I could just imagine what would happen with these "future additions" in case the plane hits an air pocket & drops a few hundred feet...
"Oh my gosh! According to the seat sensors, we have about 50 terrorists on board!"
"Nah...they just all pissed their pants after that last air pocket. Grab some TP and follow me..."
Here is some more info.. The part about DVT occurences in movie theatres scares me. Seems movies are getting longer every year, not to mention 20 minutes + of movie previews.
Damn airlines [1] do everything they can to avoid the simple fact that their seats are too small, and too close together. What will it take, a class action lawsuit? Just give passengers enough room (36" pitch is reasonable, not the appalling 30" on some flights) and people will not feel the need to get up in the middle of the flight, hijack the plane and crash it into a building to relieve the stress.
[1] Except United in "economy plus" and most American planes, though AA is reducing room again on some flights. If only the 9-11 attackers had paid for decent seats.
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
3 reason I hate flying and will drive when ever possable:
1) schedule: you are opperating on some one elses schedule and they could care less about you...to them you are cattle needeing to be hurded
2)seating: it sucks
3) to damn expensive: my parents flew us out to see them when my youngest son was a baby (a big PITA to fly with a baby) now he will need his own seat so 4 seats will cost about 2 grand as appossed to the $800 it will cost to drive to them...about 2 days...but 2 low stress days of wide open interstate highways in the great plane and SW states..
I am the Alpha and the Omega-3
SENSOR OFFSCALE In Seat 7A!
That's no moon!
Subject says it all.
Future additions may include odor sensors to increase the accuracy of remote diagnosis of problems, and will be able to detect previous meals.
If the system detects that pork has not been recently eaten, then we're dealing with terrorists for sure.
It'll be able to detect flatulence. Farting inside an airplane, is also a despicable terrorist act.
I saw this story om Google News early this morning and contemplated submitting it to Slashdot but, the thought of all the ass jokes made me decide against the submission. Seems I was right.
But, the story did make me think. It made me think that with technology and terrorist parranoia, we have now past into a positively sureal world. A world where we will be watched by machines that will decide if we are "too fidgety" and act against us. A sureal world where we either try to convince ourselves that this is a good thing or we make a joke out of it. Really, it should be a joke but, it is no joke. It is a new reality, no matter how sureal it seems.
I'd hate to have my plane land gracefully in the Atlantic Ocean, the passengers exit the plane in an orderly manner via the designated exit rows, and then be pulled to the bottom by the electronics in my seat cushen.
Wouldn't you hate that?
Sig:Why copyright isn't a fundamental human right
the end of the mile high club
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
Actually...you guys have it _really_ bad in the U.S. I have flown internationally quite a bit...and usually I go QANTUS or Air NewZealand or something like that. The economy class of those two is actually pretty good...two seats on either side, three in the middle...it's not as good a business class, but it's quite comfortable...even on a 13 hr flight. However, a couple of years ago I had the misfortune of flying United Airways...I flew first in Business, then economy on the way back (they only had one business seat left and I was travelling with the CEO of the company...hmmmmm, wonder who got it? ;) )...Business class was about as comfortable as QANTAS/Air NZ economy...except you got a little tv (yeah, thanks for that...I can watch seinfeld while I'm writhing in agony)...and economy class...I couldn't believe it...I fully did a double take when I walked in...it was like 10 seats across or something..people were nearly sitting on top of each other, and there was absolutely no room in the isles. Luck I was sitting up the back, in the only 2 seat section, next to a particularly beautiful canadian woman which made the flight 'semi' bearable. If that is what you guys consider good (note your above comment on united)...then you guys really have to fly different airlines. I will _never_ fly united again. And the stewardess was a b*tch...like I was sub human because I was in economy. United is the only U.S. airline I have flown...perhaps someone would like to comment...are the U.S. airlines like this?
J-Loâ(TM)s booty causes offscale high reading forcing an emergency landing at Newark international
There's a tasteless "racial profiling" joke in there somewhere, but I don't have the chutzpah to make it.
Why the hell is this flamebait?
I'm sure all the airline owners that read Slashdot are going to be well riled up over that comment!
"Proudly Posting Without Reading The Article"
"Gracefully" land in the ocean.
no one has seen *that* before
Great. In those old sci-fi flicks, they used to kill the guy, pull the eye out of his socket, and use it to bypass the retinal scanners. Now, it's:
"This is Agent 003. The president is dead. I repeat, the president is dead, and they've taken his buttocks. Get the security system changed. Now."
"We can't do it, sir! A virus is blocking our entry into the system!"
"Goddammit, I want every man on the streets looking for that ass!"
Libertarians somehow believe that private businesses should be stronger than governments but weaker than individuals.
My name is Admiral Akbar and I'm here to say
I'm a virgin and I'm gay
I'm looking for some fish pussy if you give me some
If you don't mind making out with Calamari scum
Call the Star Cruiser on the Screen
I may look like a fish, but in bed I'm mean
I think somebody needs to go on a diet.
quite an Assinine idea
__________
Love conquers all... except CANCER
Well, Continental is about the best I've found in the US, at least recently. But yes, they are all like that. For short trips (inside the continent) I'd rather go by ground.
Worst I've ever had was Northwest, across the Atlantic. Every time the cart came down the isle: *Bump* "Sir, could you move your legs?" "No. They don't fit anywhere else." Eight hours. (I know, not really a long flight, but...)
Ah, well. A couple more steps on the 'anti-terrorist' measures and I won't be able to get on a plane anyway.
'Sensible' is a curse word.
Air Canada seems to be "getting it."
I'm a pretty big guy (187cm, 100kg) and lately Air Canada has been giving me two seats for the price of one. They're very subtle and polite about it, which I like.
Here's the scenario:
Last year, I was travelling from my home in Halifax to Toronto and back with a co-worker. On both legs of our trip, when we asked to be seated together, they informed us that the flight was booked and placed us in separate rows. However, both times, the seat next to me was vacant. It was very nice to actually have enough shoulder room on the plane and I'm more than grateful to Air Canada for being so nice and polite.
Hopefully, in the future more airlines will "get it" and they'll have customers as happy as I.
Suspect? It's one of the easily misdiagnosed conditions, even by physicians. But if they actually do suspect you have a DVT,by then it's too late. The thrombus has already lodged. So you suffer with some shortness of breath and chest pain if it's a small clot, or they have to figure out where to stash your corpse if it's a reall big clot. ;)
what kind of diet can reduce the size of your leg bones and the width of your shoulders?
So what happens if they catch someone whose body language triggers the sensors, and then find he has something on him that could be used to hijack a plane? The airline and the US Government would be liable for damages to him.
By the time the US legal system got done with him, it would be proven that his civil rights were violated, he carried a weapon for protection from religious persecution, and that the use of the seat was unconstitutional search and seizure.
How about if the same passenger died of DVT sitting in one of those seats (with no weapons, of course)? Then that same airline would be sued for not detecting it and not preventing his death.
Which side of that coin (if either) is good for anyone other than the lawyers and plaintants?
Man, I am getting cynical!
i had a connecting flight on my way to spain once. i flew lufthansa (out of detroit metro) to frankfurt, then frankfurt to madrid. i flew economy class and i found it impossible to fall asleep because i had no leg room. every german flight attendant was very hot, by the way. as i was saying... i am 6"3 and i had no leg room whatsoever. i felt cramped the whole eight hour flight. then we flew iberia from frankfurt into madrid, by then i was so tired and exhausted from no sleep and the jet lag i barely had a clue as to what was going on. on my way home i flew iberia from sevilla to madrid, then spanair from madrid to frankfurt. this is where the secret lies. on spanair (madrid to frankfurt) i got the seat in the emergency row. that was absolutely wonderful! the key is to buy a third class ticket and get an emerency row seat. you have the leg room of a first class seat. too bad that was only a two hour flight. then i flew lufthansa home and was back to being cramped and this old lady in front of me kept on trying to push her seat back.
Yes, can you direct me to your iLoo?
Planes are bad enough but when is the last time you went Greyhound? Damn sit in that cramped a space for 36 hours and you'll hurt for days afterwards. If you did it often I'd imagine you'd see longterm damage. I'd love to find an affordable method of travel where I had enough leg room and didn't bang my head constantly. I espeically hate when the fucker in front of me is sleeping and leans their seat back smashing my legs (even after being asked not to). For short people planes and buses might be okay but if you're very tall (I'm 6'6) you're better off driving or even walking if the distance isn't to great. Maybe if these companies treated their customers better they wouldn't be bankrupt all the damn time.
At what price learning? At what cost wisdom? The price is a man's peace of mind, and the cost is his life.
"Huh... The sensors are showing a shift in load distribution from seat 32A to 32B.
"Wasn't that the gentleman who just asked for a blanket?
"I think so. And now the reading is oscillating at around 0.5 Hz. Odd....
187 cm, 100kg? can someone please convert this for me. i really don't feel like doing it myself.
...because I'm wearing tin foil underwear. Looks who's laughing now!
Outdoor digital photography, mostly in New Engl
You mean you have a problem identifying the goatse guy?
Boy, I bet now his feelings are hurt, too.
C|N>K
That has a potential to misidentify waaaay too many people, and the system would end up getting ignored.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
So they would be watching the first time fliers while the calm, cool, collected hijackers relax and think about who they are going to kill first?
What makes them think that terrorists are jumpy? I'd think a guy who is on his flight to 1000 virgin wifes in Heaven would be nice and relaxed. Why don't you try looking for the guys buying viagra just before getting on the plane?
At what price learning? At what cost wisdom? The price is a man's peace of mind, and the cost is his life.
stick in some forcefeedback hydraulics (like the ones in force feedback joysticks), and viola! AutoPr0nSeats available on Business Class seats for $499.95!
Man, I may fly business class if I can have them seats massage my buttocks for the 24 hour flights I have to take to get home....
Mode (3) smart-aleck mode. Press * to return to main menu.
six feet and three inches. sorry. i don't feel like waiting for a meticulous brat to make a comment on that.
Sounds to me like Air Canada has lazy employees... I'm always moved if I ask, when I fly in the States. My experince flying European airlines, on the other hand, has been more spotty. More than once I was told by one Spanish Iberia airlines emplyee that the flight was booked and there's nothing she could do, while another one just one terminal down would move me to sit next to my companion. I always write if off as American "Customer is always right" attitude, versus seemingly European, "I'm just doing my job, move along."
So if I'm say, a nervous first time flyer and I can't sit still in my seat, does this mean I might be pulled aside and questioned or searched?
"People should be allowed to keep midgets as pets."
- Gov. Jesse Ventura
This reminds me all too-much of the way modern farmers deal with chickens. Having them all running around just isn't terribly effecient, so they stick them all into small crates, just bigger than the body of the chicken.
There was one problem though... The chickens were so miserable by the crampped conditions that they would actually peck themselves to death. Of course, to the farmers, the answer was obvious... Cut off their beaks, so no matter how miserable they are, they can't do anything about it.
Disturbingly similar I'd say.
Slashdot gets worse every day... Pipedot: News for nerds, without the corporate slant
The seat itself will not make a fundamental assessment of the mental or physical state of its load but will merely point out the discrepancies, leaving it to the cabin staff to work out whether 45B is jumpy because they're scared of flying or because they're planning to take over the plane.
So basically if they are a young male of middle-eastern appearance. You dont need a computer to help you be more racist.
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
I don't like the idea of every fart of mine being stored in a CIA database.
Table-ized A.I.
Most if not all of the 9-11 hijackers paid cash for first-class seats. They took advantage of the curtains separating the cabins to subdue the first class flight attendants. It's why the curtains are no longer used.
sulli
RTFJ.
If a bad guy pulls out a carbon fiber box cutter, I assume we can just piss our pants to call for help?
Technology promoting technology.
"Hemorrhoid cushions Seat 4A!"
"Depends Seat 9B!"
"Ex-Lax Seat 3F!"
And if I had my way,
"Icepick lobotomies all seats except this guy!"
The coolest voice ever.
-- Thou hast strayed far from the path of the Avatar.
Do not buy the solution from Qinetiq. Here at Wilson we have our new and improved model, the NutSaq ready. With this model we can measure the size of the persons balls. Yes that's right, besides from detecting the terrorist, we can also make a qualified guess if the terrorist has the balls it takes to carry out his evil plans!
So, don't delay, order today!
First 1000 orders will get the Reqtum addon for free for detecting who's the biggest asshole on the plane! (all
Even more reason not to eat baked beans.
All these half-baked anti-terrorist inventions are just not going to work. The only way to deal with the problem is to build somesort of time-machine so that after the terrorist attack, the government could send some agent back say.. 7 days, then they could give an advanced warning and name the culprits before they actually commit the crime. Failing that, you could find some people who could see into the future and predict who was going to commit a terrorist attack before it happened. Or you could have cameras _everywhere_ whatching everyones every move all the time so that anyone even discussing a terrorist attack would be found out instantly...
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
I echo your sentiment about the legroom... though that in itself might not prevent DVT. In fact, I could see it increasing your risk (more comfortable seat = you stay in it longer = more venous stasis). The way help avoid a DVT is to unbuckle your seatbelt, and move about the cabin... You have to walk a bit, maybe do some knee bends (pretend you're looking for something under your seat if you're concerned about other passengers looking at you funny). I would even consider taking an asprin before a long trip. That single asprin (avg dose 325mg) will "thin" your blood by inhibiting your platelets... irreversibly, I might add. Don't worry... you'll replace those platelets with normal ones over time, assuming you take no more asprin, but it will take you a week or so. Ever wonder why surgeons ask you to stop taking asprin for two weeks before any elective surgery? That's why.
DVTs come from a couple of factors; venous stasis (blood pooling in your veins) is only one. The others are injury (getting kicked in the leg), and any sort of hypercoagulable state... ie. your blood clots more readily than normal. This last category is large, and includes pregnancy, birth control pills, smoking, cancer, genetic problems, etc, etc.
I took one trip that lasted almost 30 hours (20 hours+ of pure flying time)... inbetween sleeping and eating, I got up and walked the length of the airplane any number of times. Not only does it let you get the kinks out and stretch, but it also helps prevent DVTs, and their lethal sequela, the feared pulmonary embolus (PE).
A big PE (so-called "saddle embolus") will turn you out like a light. A large enough clot blocks your blood flow to the lungs, effectively dropping your cardiac output to zero. That, as you might imagine, is rapidly fatal... so rapidly fatal in fact that I've had people have huge PE's right in front of me and die, right there... nothing we could do for them (diagnosis made on autopsy). PEs are one of the major contributors in sudden death cases, though that's gotten a bit better with proper diagnosis and treatment.
While PEs are a problem, they used to be a bigger problem. Years ago, if you broke a hip, you were on bedrest for 6-8 weeks until it healed (these days, whenever possible, aggressive surgical repair and early ambulation are the rule). In retrospect, the bed rest was a bad idea; those folks were dying left and right of pulmonary emboli... thank god for medical progress.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
That's the point.
AA sucked financially because people won't pay for a better service.
Fly business if you want better room... yeah it is expensive, no? But that is more like the 'real' price of your flight - the economy passengers pay the marginal cost of their seat, but the business class pay quite close to the average cost... so quit complaining and pay more, or does it come down to price and not comfort.
Note: Total cost = fixed cost + marginal cost (cost for an additional unit, or in this case, passenger)
Average cost = total cost / passengers
Economy pay marginal cost or marginal + very very little fixed cost, so they're worth to treat badly. Business class subsidise the average cost for the economy passengers.
Hopefully it won't give away to the stewardess that I hav a deep vein throbosses from watching here walk up and down the aisle.
The last 4 flights I was on the headphone jack and/or the channel/volume selecter was broken.
I wonder how long it will be before these things break. Or even better, when they develop an intermittent short like the headphone jack did the last time. Seat 42 is a terrorist! oh maybe not... oh he is! oh maybe not...
How about a low tech solution? Put a f*cking steel door up between the pilots and the passangers and stop harrassing the 99.999999999999% of passangers who are law-abiding.
Sorry... I fly a lot and it keeps getting worse and worse.
Come play free flash games on Kongregate!
Excuse me sir can you come with me? Our computer tells me your ass committed an illegal operation.
And I forgot to mention that NO intercontinental airline is around at the moment that didn't and still don't get some substantial government subsidy (be it purchase of planes, assistance in maintenance etc).
The best thing would be to for the government to let American go under... we have a serious overcapacity at the moment, but no, Mr G Dubya (hell, Bill C would probably have done the same) will subsidise and bail out AA all it needs vainly hoping another intercontinental carrier will go under, while their governments do the same subsidy hoping AA or some other will do just that.
So the subsidies continue, so money that could be spent on 3rd world development, or even hell, sensible tax breaks (not the short sighted rubbish at the moment) so we could have more money in our pocket so we could spend more on our seats, if we really wanted them, in the first place.
-Don
Take a look and feel free: http://www.PieMenu.com
Gee, thanks for doubling your .sig every fucking time you post, jackass. I guess people who have .sigs turned off really need to know that "progress is the act of making yesterday's innovations obsolete," don't they? Hey, nobody's ever thought of that before! You should make it the subject line every time you post, too, just in case somebody missed out on your infinite wisdom contained in one blandly obvious sentence!
And when you're done with that, maybe you should start your own site, using slashcode, called "http://progressistheactofmakingyesterdaysinnovati onsobsolete.com" and then you can make every story you post something about how progress is the act of making yesterday's innovations obsolete! All the comments could be about it too, and then you'd finally be sure that your message on progress is reaching the world, and you could fucking die already!
Seriously. I want you to die. Slowly, painfully, perhaps with a bunch of Linux fags reaming your ass simultaneously. That'd make your mother proud.
Not all of them are quite as bad as United. Flying packed into a UA cattle car qualifies as some of my worst travel experience. If you have *any* choice do not fly United.
Some of the regional U.S. airlines are not bad. I'm sure that any of those that become sucessful are taken over by money men and drop the service levels to those of United.
[Set Cain on fire and steal his lute.]
The average movie is still about 90 minutes, give or take.
Ever hear of the 10 commandments? thatwas what, 5 hours long?
Movies just seem longer because people's attention spans are shorter.
One of the first uses will probably be to help in targeted marketing to determine which passengers should be referred to, say, this airline, or this one. Of course, the privacy implications are staggering.
No, they are not all like that. I have flown American Airlines a few times on international trips in business class and that is a very comfortable trip. Seats recline (not flat, but pretty far back), footrest come up, can't even touch the seat in front of me when buckled in (I'm 6', btw). Lots of arm & shoulder room. Decent food and, sometimes, a personal video player. I think international business class is better than domestic first class. I got to fly international first class once. It was certainly very comfortable, but business class is actually pretty close to it. Main difference is in first class, the seats reclined all the way flat -- made it pretty easy to sleep.
(raises pinky to pursed lips) On the hole (sic), I'd say this sounds pretty good...
Anybody want a peanut?
Hopefully this will help catch the kid^h^h^hterrorist who keeps kicking the back of my seat.
And if they could make it sensitive enough, it will also catch people who drum on their tray table too...
Yeah, US airlines tend to cram people into economy. (Unless you buy "full price economy", which is actually just first class but named otherwise so businesses will comp it.) On 747s it's usually 3-4-3 in economy, and 3-3 on most of the medium jets. It's a matter of price. Most Americans just won't pay what it costs jfor more room. It's uncomfortable, but it's cheaper.
As to service, maybe I'm just used to it but I rarely have anything to complain about. The flight attendants at least pretend to be friendly, and they're actually less classist than most non-Americans airlines I've flown. (BA is a great example of an airline that does have a class system on board.) What you have to realize is that on American airlines, the expectations of service are lower. They usually hire just enough staff to take care of the planned routine of flight--serving drinks and maybe food. If you ask for an extra glass of water they'll oblige, but if you keep making requests they'll start to see you as a pest. (Not that if you have a real need for lots of drinks they won't be happy to help you, but if you just didn't bother to get liquids with your breakfast they won't be too pleased.)
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
Obviously the seats are too small and close together; this expensive waste of technology is not actually designed to prevent hijacking. If they really cared to prevent hijackers, they'd have bullet-proof lockable doors between pilot and passengers, and armed undercover guards onboard every flight. In other words, they'd do exactly what El-Al does. Notice that no El-Al planes have been hijacked since 1968.
I'm impressed by your knowledge and experience. Are you a physician, physician's assistant, nurse, or paramedic? I notice you mentioned being in an emergency room in another post, so I'm guessing you're one of the above. Not too many people have seen others drop dead in front of them.
next to a particularly beautiful canadian woman which made the flight 'semi' bearable
:)
Hey the-build-chicken,
that beautiful canadian woman was in fact my wife. She told me all about you going on and on about how the RIAA screwed you over with overpriced CDs, how AOTC sucked compared to TESB, the time you compiled USB support in your kernel, etc, etc...
Man, you read slashdot too much!
http://www.club977.com/ - The 80's Channel!
Your source for commercial free 80's music!
Jesus man... what do you do that you have all these people dying in front of you all the time?
maybe you should brush your teeth or something??
I'm sensing a trend if "I've had people have huge PE's right in front of me and die, right there..." maybe there's something with you and not them.
moo.
AA made money on More Room for the first year or so. The thing that changed was that low-fare airlines like JetBlue have been pulling down both the average fare and the last-minute fare. Sadly, more people buy tickets based on that than comfort.
Maybe United has it right - Economy Plus with 5" more room, but only for loyal customers. It's very rare that I won't get a seat with enough space on United, and so I'm more likely to fly them than (say) Northwest, with severely bad room. At least until the health department forces them all to add room, that's what we're stuck with.
sulli
RTFJ.
This is a revolting privacy violation. Talk about the government crawling up your ass.
tell me about it. when i fly, i'm always getting jumped because of my ...
nevermind
(Excerpts from the prosecution testimony submitted to the court by Northwest Airlines Smart Seat #423aY9)
Lightning fast calculations conducted by my WinCE Special Edition Ass Patriot software came up showing POSITIVE in multiple categories for a BGI (Butt Guilt Indicator) value of .00457, or a full .00257 above the standard benchmarks for PI (Posterior Innocence).
Without hesitation I silently activated the vibra-alert pager of Senior Chief Air Attendant Kitty M., who, according to protocol, approached the owner of the buttocks in a nonchalant, oblique manner with the offer of a bag of complimentary Freedom Nuts (unsalted).
The peanuts were accepted and, judging from my continuous real-time nether feed, consumed in two large gulps. At 13:59h, rumbling ensued. At 14:01h, I registered a seismic event that I would rather not discuss. By 14:02h, airline security had been alerted and at 14:06h three agents boarded the plane cleverly disguised as a troupe of disgraced former Citigroup executives. Slyly, they engaged in covert-ops conversation, as follows:
Agent #1: Beautiful part is, I'm spending more time with Gale and the kids.
Agent #2: Golden. Mind if I run with that tip?
Agent #3: Ha ha ha. The best tips are the ones that help society to be more productive and honest!
At 14:10h, the suspect was seized, hooded, cuffed, pinned, tagged, numbered, bagged, and escorted from the plane in accordance with the Zero Tolerance for Terrorist Tushes Act passed last term by Congress.
It is the considered opinion of this chair that the buttocks in question presented a substantial and credible threat to the safety of the passengers and crew, and should be dealt with in the harshest fashion, up to and including electrocution. Nor is this chair displeased to report that the On Call passenger who claimed the terrorist's seat turned out to be a 22-year old aerobics instructor from Cincinnati who spent the flight reading fellatio tips in the latest Cosmopolitan. And squirming ever so nicely. Ain't freedom sweet?
So you're a doctor, eh? Now that's handy. See, I have this problem with...ERK!!! ... pahhhhhhhhhh... (thud)
My observation has been that this less-leg-space problem occurs mostly in airlines where they have that attached flight-screens for every seat. I usually tend to avoid that kind of airlines (which, in a Europe-Asia context, would be Cathay, Singapore Airlines, Swiss, BA (?) etc) Personally, I see no reason to watch movies or play games off a teeny weeny screen when you can download them off Kazaa (or, if you want to play legit, watch them with full effects in a cinema)
Or may be it's just that the older airlines (Malaysia, Silk Air, Air India, Turkish etc) haven't "upgraded" their seats as yet.
More than mere navel gazing.
Or it could be that you got lucky and there was a no-show on your flight! ;-)
More than mere navel gazing.
Clippy: Hi, our sensors show you are trying to detonate a bomb in your shoe. Would you like some help?
"If God created us in his own image we have more than reciprocated." - Voltaire
I'm not sure I'm convinced this technology will prevent hijacking, but if you really want to put technology into seats, perhaps they could do something to monitor passengers' body temperatures. If a certain passenger's body temperature is above a certain value for some period, then the passenger could be asked to shift to a quarantine within the flight. Inflight SARS-infections are, I believe, rare, but should be a good idea to quarantine SARS-suspects at least.
Now, many people might not like such intrusive and constant monitoring, so the technology could be opt-in, that is, if you don't like the idea, you'll be given a non-monitored seat (which could be close to, or within, the quarantine zone)
Of course, I guess the bigger problem would be space within the flight; as others have pointed out already, even legspace is at a premium, so allocating inflight space for a quarantined zone might be challenging.
I don't know, just a thought.
More than mere navel gazing.
As I recall back in the 19th century (before fingerprints) Scotland yard was using an 'identification' scheme in which they measured all of these esoteric face measurements under the auspices that no 2 people had the exact same set. Well they did and someone got caught and turned out he didn't commit the crime. And that scheme was shot down.
I'm a physician... my training and board-certification are in emergency medicine, hence my experience with critically-ill people. Everyone dies sometime, and to be perfectly honest with you, I'm not sure that we have as much to say about it as we think we do...
/. (Davak UID#526912 is an internal medicine specialist)... there's also a smattering of paramedics and EMTs who also post here from time to time.
But anyway, I'm not the only doc who posts on
That's one of the things I love about slashdot, penis birds and goatse.cx trolls aside.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
Yep. A real free market would solve the problems, as with most everything else. But the longer the government props up ailing companies, the more difficult it gets to pull the plug later. The collateral damage risk to the economy just keeps growing.
I think it's already too late though. The loss of jobs would probably be enough to drive the market back down again. But then, most of the things that are better in the long term are completely unacceptable to a majority of voters. Which is why I cringe whenever someone talks about moving us even further along toward Democracy.
Good. I'm pleasantly surprised to hear from someone of your training and experience. It gives me hope that Slashdotters aren't just a bunch immature computer weenies. I'm one of those, hopefully without the immature part.
Thanks... but you know what's funny? I feel the same way about most other slashdot posters (referring to training and experience).
I should point out that I have no formal computer science training, apart from being a self-taught computer geek since the TRS-80 days, so I often find myself in awe of the coding/hacking/mathematical skills of many slashgeeks. This is one forum where I very seldom find myself able to speak authoritatively about the issues at hand... so I end up lurking instead of posting. When I can, however, I try to lend something to the discussion.
Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
"Oh my gosh sir, the system says we've got a potential terrorist in seat B12!"
"Nope, check out those moisture readings and the movement pattern of the guy next to her."
"No way am I picking up that blanket!"
SO
I would have a hard time flying an airlines that would be so stupid to install such devices in the belief that security is being enhanced. If people think this technology produces false positives then monitoring the twitching of someone's ass will be a nightmare. What? One twitch of the ass too many and a jet on a cross country flight is diverted to the nearest airport under F16 escort. Yeah, right. There are so many holes in the logic behind this story as it relates to airline security that I don't even know where to begin.
Once an armed hijacker is on board a plane the game is essentially over. I would much rather have the money that would be wasted on this type of crap and have it be spent on better screening equipment and personnel at the gate before the flight takes off.
As someone commented earlier, this is one of the worst examples of a solution looking for a problem that I have ever seen. Anyone know what company is pushing this junk to cash in on post 9/11 hysteria? I want to short their stock.
... get this seat to stop grabbing my ass!
Now it will not only be necessary to wear a tinfoil hat while on aircraft (especially necessary because you are closer to the orbital mind control lasers!) but now also tinfoil pants. Perhaps you could just have a tinfoil butt-flap like on the footie underwear you wore as a kid.
"You're right," Fisheye says. "I should have set it on 'whip' or 'chop.'"
First of all, in the United States the FAA has recently made airplanes adjust their weight estimates per passenger up. An overloaded plane was the suspected cause of a recent crash, and it's important, for safety reasons if nothing else, to know how much load your airplane is attempting to bear. If every seat had sensors like these, they wouldn't have to estimate; they could know with reasonable precision whether they could safely take off.
Second of all, the more difficult to implement idea of 'buttmetrics' to make the pilot's seat safer is amusing, but likely FUD. At the same time, now that the terrorists will be afraid to sit down ("Comrade! It is a buttmetric seat! Do not sit!") it will be easier to storm the cabin. Hooray.
We recently had heard in the office over one of the Yellow Machine that's made by Anthology Solutions.
"He's got a seat cushion! Drop him!"
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
No, some are worse. Try a Southwest cattle call sometime. :) OK, maybe the flight attendants are not so bad, but those seats cause me serious pain.
So, I wonder how long it'll take to hear the first news report of a plane being grounded early because someone didn't wipe their butt early enough and was a bit *itchy* down there?
Jory
maybe he is a doctor you idiot
That's about 5'4" and 450lb. He must look like an oversized bowling ball.
The airlines get hit with a slew of lawsuits for arresting nervous passengers. And does anyone else see privacy invasion problems here? I'll be damned if I want them analyzing my ass movements! I've got a fast metabolism, and I'd prefer not to be arrested for being a twitchy type of person...
Way to go British people!
Does anyone else find it annoying that slashdot just rips off the first paragraph of the article as their summary? Is there a reason the submitter / editor can't write their own summary, but has to plagiarize it instead? (In my book it's plaigarized because they don't give credit). Come on people, it takes 30 seconds and a bare minimum of creative thought... it really isn't that hard to do it right.
... after all, I spend the whole flight studying the movements of the stewardesses' asses, so why shouldn't they study mine?
Although the pursuit of knowledge is an admirable goal, I seriously wonder about why these kinds of projects are authorized. Surely there must be far more important research to be done at Qinetiq. Maybe like developing face recognition technology that can defeat disguises, better scanners and detectors for people and luggage. Just my personal opinion.
Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
It's moments like these that make drinking and Slashdotting fun.
Use ISO 8601 dates [YYYY-MM-DD]
Hi my name is Stephen Hawking. I am the most brilliant physicist of the 20th century but my body is as dead as CmdrTaco's brain. I have to hire a cheap whore to wank my otherwise inanimate penis, and nobody bothered to change my diaper since the sixties.
...It's a bum rap!
"Step aside, ma'am, the system is down again, we need to perform manual check-up"
MY PHYSIOLOGICAL FUNCTIONS ARE MY OWN, THEY WILL NOT CONSTANTLY BE MONITORED, especially if that information will eventually be sold to advertisers.
"You're farting too much, get off the plane. Planes have expensive air recirculation systems because of people like you! I'm banning you from this airline!".
A caveman dreams of being us, the incalculable power and riches. We dream of being Q, then what?
Fly MidWest. All the seats on all their planes are "first class", leather, roomy.
Course it's twice the price sometimes.... but no better way to go if you are travelling for pleasure.
Fly at night. Next best thing to teleportation.
My last flight between texas and washington arived at 12pm, and everyone on the flight had a whole row to them selves. So it was grab a pillow, strech your legs out, and fall asleep.
Problem solved.
There is no sanctuary. There is no sanctuary. SHUT UP! There is no shut up. There is no shut up.
I saw a story about this on tv, they showed the seat working connected to a laptop. AFAIK its designed mainly for DVT warnings, and they said they were 'looking into' it being used as an anti-terrorist device, yes people being scared of flying was mentioned. They also quoted some prices, i think it was something like £8000 for econ and maybe 3 times that for 1st class!! Airlines have to be very careful about what they put on planes, every bit of weight can potentially cost them a ton in fuel. I really dont see how this can be justified in terms of cost, weight and usefullness - surely DVT can be prevented in other ways? and as for terrorists, thats got to be a joke. Even if the computer said that 45b was moving around in an dodgy way and you look over and sitting there is your standard american idea of a hollywood terrorist, koran and all! what are you gonna do? theres probably 5 more that you havnt seen, they are gonna jump you and you've got a problem. This is the most useless peice of technology ever! this is even worse than face recognition!
Oh btw i think i saw it on Channel 5.. enough said.
This comment does not represent the views or opinions of the user.
thats 1,87m and 0.1 tons
bickerdyke
Scanned this article pretty quickly, and first up I read it as "future hackers may find that their buttocks betray them".
Led to some fascinating speculations before I realised this was something I'd already read in New Scientist.
Twice in a row?
Muslims are required to pray at five different times during the day. As a Muslim who prays in my seat during long flights, I hope that this isn't what it sounds like.
What's next? A smart-ass?
Just what we need: more reasons to suspect people, detain them, interrogate them, and to finally fine and prosecute them.
I know of a friend who was raided by a police team in Allentown PA on the basis of the smell of cat piss and a chronically overzealous prosecutor. It happens, but it never should.
How much longer are we going to tolerate the use of any old physical indicator to assault the common citizen? How many more grandmothers have to be jacked up at an airport before people understand that that has nothing to do with finding that stolen Angolan 727 (which could be winging its way towards an American embassy as we speak)? What will "seat squirm" indicate to us, when all you can do is look at the person and then proceed to bother them with accusatory questions based upon an entirely false confidence in technology?
The next thing that the FBI can come up with is a magic marker (just like finding a bad $20 bill) that you swipe across a person's skin; if the wrong color comes up, he's a fscking terrorist!
[You have a stable society when some nut guns down a schoolyard and the law doesn't change.]
The last flight I was on was in January 2001 and I still have nightmares about it. I was flying from Minneapolis to Hawaii on Sun Country. Sun Country is an economy regional air carrier. At any rate I am 6'6" and my thighs are just long enough and the distance between the seats just short enough that when I was sitting as far back as I could sit in the chair my knees hit the next seat. Never mind that it was difficult to fit my feet anywhere. It was eight hours of pure agony. At least if I ever fly Sun Country again I will end up on one of their new planes, they got rid of all of the planes like the one I flew in. At least on the flight back I was in an exit row seat.
Impersonating Tycho from Penny Arcade since before there was a PA.
Air Canada is sure going to "get it". They're pretty much insolvent with their stock price plummeting from $20.00 Cdn in mid-2000 to a close of $0.69 Cdn on Friday.
Of course, their woes are more than just because of cheap seat prices, although that's part of it. It's also greedy, clueless unions, SARS and focusing too hard on the competition instead of the customers.
shouldn't assume it won't be used.
How long did the western world think the earth was flat because of ONE influential ignorant Greek? How many people were turned into gyros by the Catholic church?
How many people have been killed because some towel-headed camel-molester believed in some "Invisible Guy In The Sky" and felt he was justified in killing the towel-headed camel-molester one village over because they believed in some other "Invisible Guy In The Sky".
Never underestimate human stupidity.
MSBPodcast.com The opinions expressed here are my own. If you don't like 'em... Think up your own stuff.
Have we set a record here yet?
Good security is based upon reality and common sense. Common sense is a function of having common knowledge.
Do you honestly think an airline is going to deliberately give you two seats and not even explicitly tell you about it?
You think a company is going to stealthily give you an additional $200-400 value on your ticket?
Come on, seriously. If they had a policy of "give big guys an extra seat" you can be sure whenever they did it they would tell you so you'd think "wow, this airline rules."
Furthermore, considering how many "equal rights for fat people" (*roll eyes*) organizations are constantly (and unsuccessfully) berating the airlines for extra room/seats, I highly doubt any airlines would just start randomly giving away extra seats for free.
Furthermore, 100kg (220lbs) is not that big compared to the size of the people in these fat organizations.
-Michael
Threshold RPG
figiting gets you marked as a terrorist
not moving gets you marked as DVT
I used to have a cool sig, back when I cared
4) You get treated like a fucking criminal at the security checkpoints.
Don't mean to nitpick, but Qinetiq isn't really a "firm". They're a government department. Used to be called DERA (Defense Evaluation Research Agency if my memory is correct), and are the UK equivalent of the US DARPA.
But, that's so...so...OBVIOUS, isn't it?