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Hall Of Technical Documentation Weirdness
An anonymous reader submits: "Generally speaking, with the exception of Tina on Dilbert, technical writers aren't very funny. This is something of a rare and unintentional exception. This guy has assembled a bunch of examples of bizarre technical illustration. There's only about 15 at the moment, but he's collecting further examples."
To go with... McDonalds coffee: "May be hot." Ready meals: "Remove plastic before cooking" Nitol (sleep tablets) "May cause drowsyness" Laxitives "exessive consumption may produce laxitive effect." The list is endless.
I was oh so hoping there'd be something amusing waiting for me when I clicked through to this guys site. This guys sense of humor includes laughing at perfectly normal operation instructions because they contain "lots of arrows"? ...yawn... Did anyone really read this site before posting this lame-ass story?
Might contain traces of funny.
Extended Warranty? How can I lose!
There are 12 exhibits, they're even numbered if you can't count to 12 ...
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"There's only about 15 at the moment, but he's collecting further examples."
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Comment removed based on user account deletion
For example, in number "11", it's pretty clear it's not a fridge, but an A/V rack. (that being why it's included with a DVD player). And it's saying "Don't wheel the A/V rack towards you over uneven surfaces, or you'll end up underneath it writhing in pain".
Exhibit 9 is not that stupid - it's pretty clear it's not a cartoon speaking bubble, but rather intimating that somewhere on your computer is a USB port.
Exihibit 5: "I like it because it says 'insert trousers'" Huh? It's weird because it's correct English? Or it's weird because it's telling you what to do? Or it's weird because this guy doesn't know what "trousers" means? It's a pants press - how is it weird for it to tell you to insert your pants into the rack?
Move along folks, nothing to see here.
There is no sig, there is only Zuul.
On a Caterpillar trench digger, there was this funny picture of a NO sign around a chainsaw looking thing and a caption that said, "Engage crowd control before operating".
because-trench-diggers-control-crowds
"There are a dozen opinions on a matter until you know the truth. Then there is only one." - CS Lewis (paraprhase)
I don't know how many other people out there have experienced Japanese toilets, but let me tell you, you don't need an instruction manual, you need someone to come and show you how to use those things. You don't wanna be pressing the wrong button at the wrong time, I can assure you from personal experience, makes my eyes water just thinking about it.
...but now I'm not that sure any more...
... because the pieces he exhibits aren't funny or weird, they are just pathetic examples of badly written documentation, and those have existed since electronic devices have grown more complex than kitchen appliances, and their docs started to be written in japanglish.
And quite frankly, the "kind of dirty" ones wouldn't even be half-dirty for women in a covent.
The only interest of those technical docs is (1) to learn how to not write them like that, and (2) to witness the birth of early mangas.
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
I guess I expected something more like.
this
And
this
Mirror be gentle to my host plz ;-)
Seen on a packet of "Salted Peanuts" in a pub in the UK "May contain traces of nuts" You'd kinda hope so wouldn't you
Visit engrish.com! Hours of fun...
If construction was anything like programming, an incorrectly fitted lock would bring down the entire building...
Why Maddox is better than your kids
- Prythee no sport with stingy of play asperity game. Winding finger have got bloodstream not wallk. Throagh of peril. (bold my addition)
- Tad disport of time grown man tatelage.
- Till thge cowcomes home. Wield toys damage, burn-in prytheee wind to a close wield.
- Give attention to open/close toys, therefore take place peril.for instance slipup batteries wield result in the emission of heat rupture liquid.vent itself prythee pay attention.
- Play at sith to a certainty bolt up power supply fetch out batteries.
- Batteries no electification dissolution,plunge ioto aquaor fire.
- Not trust for tad batteries lest in advertent eat off. In the event of accident without loss of time plythee pillroller tuke order with.
I am not the best typist, but most of the weird spellings above are in the actual warnings. The original may be found here. I wonder if they will ever take the word "prythee" out of their translation dictionary.I know that this page should have been funny, but for some reason, I'm not laughing. And I'm even familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
.com web awards that are featured on his site. Hooray for Gerald!
I kind of expected something like "Engrish" or the often funny Airtoons (but it's probably only funny for those of us that fly a lot). Or even, the hasn't-been-updated-since-the-millennium Kibo and his amusing criticisms of font use or Gerald Holmes, which has outlived the silly
Insert simplistic political, ideological, or personal proselytization here.
When the zippotricks website was taken off the Net this week, they posted the amusing disclaimer, "A lighted lighter is hot and can start a fire or burn people."
When I am king, you will be first against the wall.
At least I thought this was rather funny, but perhaps I am just very childish.
Christian Engström, Former Member of the European Parliament 2009-2014 for The Pirate Party, Sweden
Anyone who laughs at "insert trousers" needs to readjust their sense of humour.
Now, in a club in Lagos Nigeria (the bar is called Towers, a nice place on Victoria Island), there is a sign above the urinals, which says:
"Employees must wash genitals before returning to work"
I just wish I'd had my camera with me, but you will have to take my word for it.
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Curb CO2 emissions: Kill yourself today!
Some friends and I came up with this. It's based on the signs that used to be available at ready.gov.
The group of fat people was thrown out of court because it lacked merit.
I hate liberals. If you are a liberal, do not reply.
For example:
- a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program
- Can't cast a void type to type void (because the ANSI spec. says so, that's why)
- can't go mucking with a 'void *'
Plenty more goodies! Somebody had some fun writing those error messages...PHEM - party like it's 1997-2003!
THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK
My first thought was "god, what a bunch of anal-retentive...." So I continued reading, and almost didn't notice that the next blank(or not blank) page was:
THIS PAGE ALSO INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK
I smirked a little, and read on. It kept getting better though:
YES, THIS PAGE -ALSO- INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK
THIS PAGE SHOULD NOT BE LEFT BLANK. OOPS, JUST KIDDING.
etc. etc...they obviously had some fun with that one, realizing just how stupid those messages are and poking fun at it.
It's almost as good as the Irix workstation which was donated to the HS...it would get increasingly cross if it found someone else was using its IP, and the logs would look something like this:
Computer with MAC Address 34:23:23... is using my IP address
Computer with MAC Address 34:23:23... is using my IP address
Computer with MAC Address 34:23:23... is still using my IP address
Computer with MAC Address 34:23:23... is STILL using my IP address
Computer with MAC Address 34:23:23... IS STILL USING MY IP ADDRESS GOD DAMMIT!
(I don't remember the exact wording, but yes, it would finally start cursing mildly).
Please help metamoderate.
I wish I still had the instruction manual that came with my girlfriend's old Dell mid tower (Pentium MMX model that came out in about 1997).
It had a screwless door that you could remove to add RAM and expansion cards. The instruction manual illustrated how to remove the door: one hand on each side to press the catches down, and one hand to push the door off. That's right, three hands to open your computer. And the illustration actually showed three hands!
I actually pinned the picture on my dorm bulletin board, and holding it up as an example of terrible industrial design...but maybe it was just 'bizarre' and deserves to be on that site.
(-1, Raw and Uncut is the only way to read)
When I read the first line of this post I instantly thought of the TeXbook. Knuth points out that most manuals are dull and boring, and goes on saying that this manual (the TeXbook, and similarly for the METAFONTbook) is different in that it contains jokes here and there. And in fact this is true, even though the jokes are very "technical". But is the really good technical fun, not the one that comes from misprints originated by typos or ignorance. After all, how many nongeeks would laugh for the average www.userfriendly.org strip?
"I'm never quite so stupid as when I'm being smart" (Linus van Pelt)
One time I helped put together a childrens jungle gym sorta deal. It came in a box about the size of a small Australian territory in about 367,894 seperate pieces. Being the men that we are and with the youngins watching in great awe we tossed the directions aside and dove in. After we finished we realized it looked like a scene from that movie "Labyrinth" and something was very very wrong. I picked up the directions finally and opened up to the first page and at the very top in really small print it said "Welcome back". Now I dont know if it was meant for another reason or it was the author being a smartass but it was damn funny at the time you had to be there I guess.
:)
--- if y cn rd ths y cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgmmng!
They didn't want customers calling them up complaining about missing pages. So, if every blank page had an acknowledgment of the fact that IBM really, truly meant to leave that page unfilled by black text, then the customer could be assured that it wasn't a printing error.
technical writers aren't very funny
I am not a technical writer, but in my experience, the technical writers are consistently the funniest and most diverse group in the company, and they often have some artistic hobby, and some are writing a novel on their spare time. Novelists are technical writers while they wait for publication. Stand up comedians tend to work in call centers.
-- Another senseless waste of fine bytes.
What d'ya mean technical writers aren't funny? We have great senses of humor. How else could we tolerate working with engineers?
Check out the back page of a Consumer Reports magazine. They have great examples of silly ads, bad technical documentation, and veiled attempts at what can only be explained as attempts to rip people off. They are far more entertaining and funny than this list, which is not very funny or entertaining.
I'd have a web link but Consumer Reports website is a subscription based site you have to pay to get into.
"All great wisdom is contained in .signature files"
Olin Shivers was one of my professors at Georgia Tech (and a great one at that), and he's also the author of the scheme shell. I always smile when I read the acknowledgements page.
http://www.talknerdy.org
For the life of me, I googled for it and I still can't find where I read this originally, but IIRC, the warning "May Contain Nuts" was on bags of peanuts because peanuts and nuts are two entirely different types of nuts, and some people have violent allergic reactions to nuts but NOT peanuts.
The explanation I remember went like this: Peanuts and nuts are harvested in the same fields and often use the same bags to dump them in when they're collected, and those bags sometimes get stray nuts stuck inside of them among all the peanuts. Hence, there is a possibility that nuts MAY be contained within the peanut package since there's really no feasible way to sort through every single individual peanut and try to find the nut, and that anyone that's allergic to nuts needs to be wary.
If anyone knows what I'm talking about and has a clearer recollection, or, even better, a link explaining this, speak up!
take a gander.
Dogs are faster in Greenland because the trees are farther apart.
Its been 30 years, and every schematic that I've drawn since, I've followed that lead and added that same note...
I could never figure out why, on the back of a credit card, it gives the number to call if your card is lost or stolen. If your card is lost or stolen, how can you check the back of the card for the number to call????
One time I asked for one of those hooks that snap onto the top of a cubicle wall, so I would have a place to hang my jacket. What they got me instead was a really nice padded coat hanger, like for a suit jacket, with a small clip-on hook to hang the coat-hanger on. It came in a special triangular box labelled "Garment Management System". So I cut the name off the box and stuck it on the wall next to the hanger. Just so people wouldn't mistake my Garment Management System for a mere coat hanger.
Here.
As mentioned in that story, my all-time favorite is from a Mackie (audio mixer) manual:
"The mating ritual of consenting adult banana plugs".
(anyone who's ever "mated" banana plugs knows exactly what the author was talking about. (-: )
S
I bought this stroller made by Graco for my daughter a few years ago, and, I kid you not, on the illustration for folding it up for storage was this warning: Remove infant from stoller before collapsing
> Their job isn't to humor us on how this toaster can kill you when soaked in water while plugged in - it's to be serious and prevent injury and death in many cases.
If The Boomer Bible taught me anything, it's that a funny cautionary message can often be more memorable than a "serious" one.
An anti-personnel landmine that reads simply "Front towards enemy."
Here is a link to a list of some product warning sites:
Dumb.Com - Product Warnings
Sign, Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ
"State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers"
On a Rowenta iron:
"Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!"
On a blanket from Taiwan -
"NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO."
I picked up this book yesterday for a writing class at SFSU and I agree, it's a gem. My favorite quote (so far):
Flammable - An oddity, chiefly useful in saving lives. The common word meaning "combustible" is inflammable. But some people are thrown off by the in- and think inflammable means "not combustible." For this reason, trucks carrying gasoline or explosives are now marked FLAMMABLE. Unless you are operating such a truck and hence are concerned with the safety of children and illiterates, use inflammable.
Priceless!
having warm water sprayed on my ass was the highlight of my overnight stay.
You must have not met a girl who does the thing with the string of beads.
Freedom: "I won't!"
The Feedback column in New Scientist has these every week. My favourite so far was the invoice for a locomotive purchased at auction, something like:
Item: Locomotive Quantity: 1 (approximately)
Xix.
"Everything is adjustable, provided you have the right tools"
Documentation of Cerwyn-Vega products tends to be (often intentionally, but sometimes not) quite amusing.
Caveat Emptor is not a business model.