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What's the Worst Job Posting You've Seen?
Kickstart70 asks: "Recently myself and a number of friends of mine who work or worked in IT jobs have been remarking on absolutely horrible job postings for low-level IT jobs paying small change. It seems the headhunters and employers are still wanting knowledge in everything, at least one degree but preferably two, and want to keep employees on minimal wages (in the job listing linked, the wage is in Canadian dollars). Is this common everywhere? What's the worst job posting you have seen?"
> WINNT is nice to have.
Don't do it! The organization is clearly run by crazies.
My favorite part:
Software List: Some or all would be preferred.
I mean, damn, $17-$19 is pretty good for Help Desk, even if it is bilingual, but anyone who is familiar with all of the items on that list should make more than God himself. Of course, the poster of this probably works for Kelly Services anyway.
The worst I've seen?
The job posting to find the person who will replace me.
Poopsmith
I count 163 things (well, wc -l counted it) on that list of things they want prospects to know. Obviously that job involves too much work and would interfere with reading
Anyone that applies is obviously beyond geekdom and is to be pitied.
Trolling is a art,
The worst ones I've seen are ones that require you to have gone back in time in order to have enough experience with the software they want you to use:
"Requirements: 5 years experience with Windows 2000..."
Dear Friends,
We have an immidiate requirement for Sr. Software Engineer for our MNC
client from Banglore, INDIA.
Exp: 5 - 8 Years
Qual: B.E/B.Tech OR M.E/M.Tech
The person must have a knowledge of the following key skills.
- C and RISC programming
- Software Arch. and Design Experience
- Chip Debugging
- VxWorks
- pSoS
-Device Drivers
-ATM
-DSL
-System Debugging
Please forword your Latest Resume as word document attachment.
Thanks
Uday.
uday@eexcelsolutions.com
visit: www.eexcelsolutions.com
Please do convey your friends and pals who are looking for a better
opportunity in in INDIA.
I'm not Seth.
In 1997!
I'm being nitpicky about your commment I know. But you're lack of understanding into the space time continium and the 4th dimension requires it.
"Requirements: 5 years experience with Windows 2000..."
Ok if one wanted 5 years of experience with win2k, they would need to go forward in time, to say 2005. Not backwards, because win2k was not created yet.
Again my apologies for being a nitpick.
The Canadian dollar is up around 77 cents US these days.
Oh shit, that does suck.
That's less than US$29K. While one of the job requirements may be unique, it would be amusing to see how long a heterosexual male would last working there.
...$0.37 American these days, right? You can do better than that making shoes in Thailand.
-Looking for a job as a materials chemist or multivariat
In the Seattle Times summer 2002;
Use your UNIX administration and Secretarial skills in our modern, fast-paced office.
Our law office needs a part-time secretary and unix administrator. Excellent Benefits and a generous $10 per hour! Don't miss this one!
Really, I swear! The ad ran for 5 weeks before they either gave up or got a clue.
I saw a posting for mail room personnel at CNet that said "must have 2 years previous corporate mail room experience". And it wasn't for managing the thing, it was just a nomal clerk position.
Would you want to hire someone who was either a) so uncapable that working the mail room is the peak of their abilities or b) so ambition-free that they had multiple years of mailroom experience without advancing?
It was real posting to a real job list, which I thought was very funny, but the poster got banned from the list for their sense of humor.
Professional Wild-Eyed Visionary
I once saw one that said "No Mullets, please."
when come back bring pie
Looking at that job posting, you could almost play a game of Bullshit Bingo with it...
I planned on inserting something witty here but never got around to it.
That's true, but I'm so used to heaping shit on the Canadian currency after *years* of it tanking that it's like a reflex now. ;)
US is still up a bit over the last 10 years tho.
Only thing about a weak dollar is it makes good German beer more expensive. Fucking Greenspan.
-Looking for a job as a materials chemist or multivariat
It was bad enough that they wanted MSCE certification in addition, but wanting fifteen years experience with Linux?! ROFL!
I'm not even entirely sure whether they had a version of VS .NET which would compile(as in the program not stuff it created) in the spring of 1998. Ahh well, such is lunacy.
...they spell it SEQUEL instead of SQL. And you know the hiring authority didn't review the job posting.
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
Can I complain about bad interviews to? I submitted a story about bad interviews but its been pending in the que for *6 weeks* (what does that mean?). I had an interview for qualcomm for a 1 month temp position, and the interviewer asked a bunch of jack-ass quesitons, but this one sent me over the edge "where do you see yourself in 5 years?". To this I replied, "Not working at qualcom for 4 years and 11 months!"
Religion is a gateway psychosis. -- Dave Foley
On a big billboard outside of McDonalds:
Now hiring losers!!!
be grateful for what you have (Score:3, Insightful)
by egomaniac (105476) on 1:09 Saturday 15 November 2003 (#7478131)
(http://slashdot.org/)
I work at a dot-com company. One you've heard of, trust me.
Don't you mean dot-org?
Those that irked me the most were the ones with explicit version requirements, like:
3 years with Java V1.31a7c
2 years Swing V2.93xL
Must have this experience on a Sun station running Solaris 5.839.
The above is an exaggeration, but only slightly.
CmdrTaco does the worst job posting...
Benefits Package: none, contract basis, terminatable at any time without severance package
Pay: $14 Canadian/hour
Wait a minute... what am I doing? Is anyone looking for a developer (or hardware engineer for that matter)?
Hardware, software, and blinking lights!
Worst I've ever seen was something like:
...
Linux Kernel Engineer
Please submit resume in MS Word format.
I have over 5 years part-time experience of Windows 2000.
I've used it 20 hours a week from 2000 to 2003, and 20 other hours a week from 2000 to 2003.
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
Applicants must have 10 Years Windows 2000 experience or 10 Years Solaris 9 experience.
I posted this a while back, and some people thought it was too true to be funny. Others saw the humor.
How to decode an Oracle DBA Want-Ad
Oracle and unix guy.
I remember looking for intern/co-op positions through my school's placement center.
One year, a major computer hardware company came to campus looking ONLY for Ph.D students willing to do 3 month intern positions at minimum wage. Uh.... Turns out their HR department was a bit overzealous.
Another firm was an IT contracting company. They came to campus looking for new grads with a bachelors in computer science or engineering, and 5 years IT experience... After the representative told the several people that they were wasting his time because they didn't have enough experience, he was escorted off campus and told never to return.
I also recall a major financial institution wanted to hire CS students with 3 years of programming experience for the summer to - and I'm not making this up - *STAND INSIDE THE WALLS TO MAKE SURE THE NETWORK CABLES DIDN"T COME LOOSE OR BREAK*. The job was located in New York City, paid $5/hr, no assisted living, and you were *required* to live within 10 miles of the office. Oh yes, and you were also required to wear a suit at all times (though I have no idea how you were supposed to keep it clean standing inside crawlspaces all day long...)
This company, too, was kicked off campus and told never to return.
Well, i just got myself a job. As a graduate of a 4 year university, costing 23 tho' a year, i was jumping for joy when graduation came around. Started looking for a job..... well 8 months later, i finally found SOMETHING. In all that free time i've had, ive gotten 5 certifications:
Net+, I-net, a+, Linux, Cisco CCNA.
Well thankfully i finally recieved a call for an interview. Well a couple of interviews later i got the job. I'm officially called an "on the road technician." I get paid a pathetic 9 dolars an hour, because thats "as much as i can pay you."
Well all i have to do tho is: Unix and linux administration, T1 instalation and troubleshooting, Linux router development and VPN. And i get paid 9 dolars an hour. Nice, i spend 70 thousand dolars in school expenses, to make less than 18 tho a year. My friend who barely passed High school just found a job driving armoured trucks and makes 800 dolars a week.... So, Where do i get my refund?
How about dogs years?
Karma Whore :)
Plus, why all the <br> tags? And didn't your mommy teach you to use xhtml? Use <br /> instead.
The worst job I saw was about 3 years ago.. The job required a MCSE in a pure unix shop. I called up and asked how many windows machines were in the environment, and there were none. When asked why does it require an MCSE, the statement was that they were best qualified to operate the servers. Go figure..
was a tech support job for the forest service. The duties were typical hardware/software support, and it had the usual list of of skills - Windows, Novell, Office, virus removal, hardware troubleshooting and repair, ect. Until you got to the last one, which was something like "knowledge and experience with tree husbandry"
Yes, I know it was the forest service, but the duties didn't mention anything tree-related, and one would imagine you could fix the computer of someone in the forest service without forestry skills. I kind of wondered if they had someone in mind they wanted to promote who had worked there, and that was their way of eliminating outsiders.
I have blog like everyone else
The worst I saw was from a second-tier aerospace company that expected you to basically have a PhD in databases, on in Computer Science, and a third in the new acronyms that've popped up in the last two years (e.g. 14 years experience in Mod_Perl). After two pages of acronyms and the ability to design and fabricate CPU's in your home as well as write MacOs X in Assembler without taking notes, the position requires up to 75% travel. You should be able to pick your own jobs and own a mansion at that level; but the position won't let you see your mansion for 9 months out of the year! Finally the sentance that nobody on Earth could live up to: "Only those applicants having ALL of the listed qualifications will be considered". I almost emailed the company and asked to meet the successful applicant. -Trogdor the Burninator for President
Now we know how you became a CTO.
Regards,
~Joshua Norton
I'm a tier 1 tech support guy and it only took me three tries to figure out how to answer the phone! cut us some slack!
(This is true, btw. The phones here are completely counter-intuitive on how you answer them in headset mode)
We're I-bought-cheesy-puffs-on-the-interweb.com, a startup Fortune 23,500,000 company with a fantastic new idea! We're going to sell home-delivered cheese puffs over the interweb!
Project Requirements
We'd need the sun, the moon, and the stars, as well as your first born child and a hand job. All source code must be provided, and you must assign all copyrights to us. We need this project completed within the next three hours. Contractor will be required to provide lifetime support for code base, even if we let the neighbor kid muck about in the source code (Janice says that he's a web developer, so he must be qualified. Besides, he's in the 10th grade now, we're sure he knows what he's doing).
Contractor Requirements
Compensation
We offer a generous compensation package that includes free soda (Wednesdays only) and all the pretzels you can eat! Yay!
We'll also give you a title! Yes, you'll be the Supervisory Director of Internet Architectural Engineering (Junior)! That's the kind if title that you can almost pay a mortgage with! Almost.
Unfortunately, we can't offer compensation in the form of pay or benefits right now. When the interweb cheese puffs delivery service takes off, though, we'll pay you really, really well. Promise!
Translation: Our computer system is a complete mess. We don't even know exactly what software we are running. We're lucky if Windows even boots without errors. We need someone to take care of all of our computer needs, and to help the boys in the lumberyard when things get busy. As a bonus, the candidate would be able to communicate better than our high school dropout foreman, who wrote this job ad. Be sure to include salary history so we know who is desperate enough to work for the minimum wage that we would like to offer. And please, apply now. We can't even send out invoices until those nasty DLL conflicts are resolved.
looking for a change?
Design for the Lord!
Time Travel Testing
V.P. Ops Afghanistan
i once saw, and have a screen shot of, a job ad asking for, and im not making this up "1137 A01" skills, this was for a level 1 support specialist in san diego. i stil wonder if it was a joke or not.
Everybody denies I am a genius--but nobody ever called me one!