Junkie Loves His Spam

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Posted by CmdrTaco on Tuesday March 16, 2004 @04:35AM from the ruining-the-internet-for-the-rest-of-us dept.

VicPylon writes "Here is the reason we have to spend time and money on spam filters. This character actually responds to and buys from spam. I wonder if he is aware that he is supporting digital pollution?" I guess this proves that there really is something for everyone online.

67 of 667 comments (clear)

Whats his email? by brejc8 · 2004-03-16 04:36 · Score: 5, Funny

Interesting they didn't give out his email address.

--
Mouse powered Chips, Open source Processors and Lego
1. Re:Whats his email? by ackthpt · 2004-03-16 04:46 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Interesting they didn't give out his email address.
  Hey, the guy only makes 40K a year and lives in Manhattan, he can only afford to send so many dollars to "Happy Guy"
  
  --
  
  A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
2. Re:Whats his email? by SmackCrackandPot · 2004-03-16 04:49 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Of course not. He doesn't want to be spammed with real messages. He's probably even got an E-mail filter that removes everything but spam.
3. Re:Whats his email? by Archwyrm · 2004-03-16 04:49 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  If only they had given his email address. Then I could send him a message thanking him for supporting something that makes even having an email address a pain in the neck. I remember the days when you could give out your email address on the web (like on your own website!) and you would only get meaningful email. *sigh*
  
  --
  Fascism should more properly be called corporatism because it is the merger of state and corporate power. -- Mussolini
4. Re:Whats his email? by gewalker · 2004-03-16 05:05 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  I would be glad to send him my spam. I sure don't need or want it.
5. Re:Whats his email? by jorlando · 2004-03-16 05:17 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  how insensitive of you!
  
  If I had that good man email I could offer him a very special deal in nigeria, where he could get rich just trasfering some financial funds for the family of the late dictator mobutu sese seko that will be used to build an airport to take refugee kids from an orphanage in serbia... or something like this...
6. Re:Whats his email? by c1ay · 2004-03-16 05:21 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Interesting they didn't give out his email address.
  Yeah, I was kinda disappointed too. I guess I'll just have to /. Darl's email again. Why don't you all write Darl and ask him if he likes spam as much as Mr.Soto.
  
  --
7. Re:Whats his email? by nycsubway · 2004-03-16 05:26 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  I get about 30 junk mails a day that I would love to send him.
  
  Seriously, maybe these junk mail companies could send their crap to just HIM and the other nuts like him?
  
  --
  http://github.com/gbook/nidb
8. Re:Whats his email? by Psmylie · 2004-03-16 05:36 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I remember the days when you could give out your email address on the web (like on your own website!) and you would only get meaningful email
  
  Yeah, that was a good week.
  
  --
  
  psmylie's dictionary: Godzillion (noun) Any number large enough to destroy Tokyo
9. Re:Whats his email? by RLW · 2004-03-16 06:58 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  He can either spend his money on spam pitches or he can get mugged. I bet the muggers get pretty peeved though when they demand cash and all he has to offer is vitamins, penis enlargement pills and blurbs about time shares.
  
  After Federal income tax, State income tax, City income tax and sales tax, most of that 40k got mugged by his elected officials anyway.
  
  In any case as much as we hate spam at least its better for us that he does this than him doing hard drugs.
10. Re:Whats his email? by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 07:44 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Jackass
  Is that any way to sign your messages?
11. Re:Whats his email? by fpp · 2004-03-16 08:09 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Having a child at 20 years of age is not good judgement. The fact that you don't recognize this proves the poster's point.
12. Re:Whats his email? by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 08:17 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  He's probably even got an E-mail filter that removes everything but spam.
  
  So do I... it's called "Hotmail"
13. Re:Whats his email? by Alarion · 2004-03-16 08:18 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  Dear Cynical Moose,
  How would you like to try some MUN V!4gra!!??
  
  The flightgear potency of this product is c++ amazing!!! You will be bio hard for hours, if not days!!
  
  cl!c| here to buy v1agr4!
  
  sorry, I couldn't resist ;)
14. Re:Whats his email? by David+Gould · 2004-03-16 10:32 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  He treats spam as a store that comes to you in your inbox, and sells some stuff online
  
  Translation: He's not satisfied with the size of his penis.
  
  --
  David Gould
  main(i){putchar(340056100>>(i-1)*5&31|!!(i<6)<< 6)&&main(++i);}
Really... by hookedup · 2004-03-16 04:36 · Score: 5, Funny

There is only so much male enhancement products a man can buy.

They seem to be the only spam i've been getting lately. Maybe my wife is feeding them my email addresses...
1. Re:Really... by Jotaigna · 2004-03-16 04:38 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  that guy will need BIC-TCP.
  
  --
  "The quality of life is inversely proportional to the number of keys on your keyring."
2. Re:Really... by brejc8 · 2004-03-16 04:40 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Reminds me of a spoof spam male enhancement pyramid scheme.
  You divide your penis into one inch parts and send them off to the people on the list and forward the email on.
  Within a week you will receive 20feet of penis.
  
  --
  Mouse powered Chips, Open source Processors and Lego
3. Re:Really... by _Sharp'r_ · 2004-03-16 04:40 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  Yeah, it's like many RPG games, you can only have two gloves, two bracers, 10 rings, one headgear, etc... because that's all that will fit on your appendage.
  
  I'll leave the reader to apply that logic to the parent post.
  
  --
  The party of stupid and the party of evil get together and do something both stupid and evil, then call it bipartisan.
4. Re:Really... by ackthpt · 2004-03-16 04:44 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  There is only so much male enhancement products a man can buy.
  He prbably doesn't need a belt.
  I can't help but wonder how many worms and virii are on his computer, not to mention spyware.
  
  --
  
  A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
5. Re:Really... by phutureboy · 2004-03-16 05:04 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I've thought it would be funny to buy and use each and every penis enlargement product pitched to me via spam for one year, and document the results on a weblog. At the end of that year, I bet my schlong would be enormous.
6. Re:Really... by Cruciform · 2004-03-16 05:11 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  It will be great when spammers finally start seeing jail time.
  
  They'll be receiving unlimited penis!
7. Re:Really... by Cruciform · 2004-03-16 05:13 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  From bruising and swelling maybe.
8. Re:Really... by thelasttemptation · 2004-03-16 05:37 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  Eleven rings, thank you very much... :P
9. Re:Really... by chimpo13 · 2004-03-16 05:37 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  I get them all the time for my PO Box, but the interest rates are so low how can I pass them up?
  
  --
  riding round the world on an old motorcycle
Maybe it's true by Gzip+Christ · 2004-03-16 04:37 · Score: 5, Funny

Ah, I get it now. Those "enlarge your penis" spams really do work - if you respond to them, you're nothing but a big dick.
That Number Again.. by ackthpt · 2004-03-16 04:37 · Score: 3, Funny

I've got some old junk around the house I could probably dress up in an ad. I should mail him, "Do not miss out on this opportunity! xcxzxczx"

--

A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
oh boy... by Drunken_Jackass · 2004-03-16 04:38 · Score: 3, Funny

This guy needs a better hobby than answering spam. Maybe he can practice dodging oncoming traffic.

--
There are 01 types of people in this world. Those that understand binary, and me.
1. Re:oh boy... by IthnkImParanoid · 2004-03-16 05:27 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  As the article mentions, he is unfortunately a 45-year old grandfather. Not only has he reproduced already, but his spawn is reproducing quickly. It's too late, the world is doomed.
  
  --
  It's nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.
2. Re:oh boy... by SEWilco · 2004-03-16 05:53 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Consumers who already reproduced before they began participating in spam are irrelevant in studying the revelance of spam to evolution. Spam can be deadly and not be relevant if it begins after a consumer is no longer part of the gene pool.
  The relevance of spam and reproduction should be studied in a group from birth until death. The email addresses of that group are...
18 inches by now? by mao+che+minh · 2004-03-16 04:39 · Score: 2, Funny

That is a hell of lot of enlargement going on.
Imagine the size of his... by VMaN · 2004-03-16 04:39 · Score: 2, Funny

Imagine the size of his p*n*is... All new herbal med*icine*, add 6!!In*ches
To: Mr. Soto by 0x41 · 2004-03-16 04:39 · Score: 2, Funny

Dear Mr. Soto,
I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.
Mortgage rates by st0rmshadow · 2004-03-16 04:40 · Score: 4, Funny

He must have the lowest mortgage rate ever.
Sheeeeesh! by trp642 · 2004-03-16 04:40 · Score: 5, Funny
How much can one actually love spam? Its not like there is a huge selection of products. Mr. Soto can now claim the following:
- He has the world's largest penis, that is never flacid.
- He makes $10k working at home in his spare time.
- He's seen Paris Hilton nekkid more than anyone.
- His wife's breasts are larger.
- He has the lowest mortgage rate in the world.
Did I miss anything? I mean damn, how many different ways can you spell V!@G.RA???!
1. Re:Sheeeeesh! by grub · 2004-03-16 04:49 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  His wife's breasts are larger.
  
  I could have saved him some money. She should have just rubbed her breasts with toilet paper, it worked on my ex-wife's ass.
  
  --
  Trolling is a art,
2. Re:Sheeeeesh! by gosand · 2004-03-16 05:07 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I think you mean...
  He has the woOrld's la.rG_est Pae.n.is, that is nev@r fflAccid.
  He makes $10k woarKING @t homme in his sp.a.re ti_me.
  He's seen P.a r is Hi+ltoon nek&kid more than anyone.
  His wife's br*ea=sts are la%rg"er.
  He has the lowest M.0rt6a6e Re.ate in the w0r1D.
  
  --
  
  My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
3. Re:Sheeeeesh! by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 06:49 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Did I miss anything?
  
  He's made a ton helping out a distressed Nigerian.
  
  He's got a handful of no-limit platinum credit cards.
  
  He's met his soulmate
  
  Saddly, I'm sure there are plenty of others.
Re:Just Goes To Show... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 04:42 · Score: 2, Funny

So which day were you?
it's a sad day by Triumph+The+Insult+C · 2004-03-16 04:42 · Score: 3, Funny

i'm a christian, and the only feeling i have towards him is not compassion, but wanting to beat some ever-living sense into him. sorry jc

--
vodka, straight up, thank you!
Re:My guess. by eln · 2004-03-16 04:44 · Score: 3, Funny

I assume the reason they have what looks like a courtroom sketch of the guy accompanying the story rather than a photograph is because his enormous penis keeps blocking the camera.
You did miss something by ktulu1115 · 2004-03-16 04:44 · Score: 3, Funny

Well this is somewhat related to the second, but I bet his Nigerian friend helped him bring in a few extra thousand a month.

--
# fuser -v /dev/attention | grep work
#
We should encourage spam buying by pyser · 2004-03-16 04:47 · Score: 5, Funny

According to the article it takes one buyer out of 15,000 e-mails sent in order to break even. If more people would buy from spam, they'd have to send out fewer e-mails to break even, right?
waitaminit... by nomoreself · 2004-03-16 04:50 · Score: 2, Funny

"It offered Newports -- his brand -- for $2.85 a pack, about a third of what he pays at a corner store near his home."

The man is paying $8.50 for a pack of Newports. I think that pretty much sums it up.
Easy solution... by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 04:50 · Score: 1, Funny

Please, someone introduce this guy to ebay.

Apprarently it's his substitute for "rummage sales" which he no longer goes to after injuring his back. I'm sure there are better online alternatives.
he's my role model by GillBates0 · 2004-03-16 04:51 · Score: 2, Funny

i strive to follow in the footsteps of Orlando Soto. he's my role model. i can only hope that someday i will be as wise and giving as Him. he understands people and gives his most to benefit mankind.
i'm growing a pony tail now, and trying to imitate his ways. and i would urge everybody else to do the same. maybe some day we will all be as great as He is.
thank you.

--
An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
The email by Gzip+Christ · 2004-03-16 04:53 · Score: 4, Funny

I believe the parent is referring to the "Make Penis Fast!" email, for those that haven't read it yet.
Re:Really... (Male Enhancement) by adamgreenfield · 2004-03-16 04:59 · Score: 2, Funny

I don't care how much spam he responds to.... it's still cheaper than a Ferrari

--
-Adam C. Greenfield
Rats by Rick+Zeman · 2004-03-16 05:00 · Score: 4, Funny

Unfortunately, since it said he's a grandfather, that means he's already reproduced and passed on his stupidity genes. :-(
Re:People fall for crap TV ads by MrBlue+VT · 2004-03-16 05:01 · Score: 3, Funny

Yeah, I almost bought one of these great swords. They're so high quality!
Re:Just Goes To Show... by LotsaCaffeine · 2004-03-16 05:02 · Score: 2, Funny

Sunday
Re:Sounds fishy by vorwerk · 2004-03-16 05:02 · Score: 4, Funny

How does a guy earning $40k per year have a 2 bedroom apartment in Midtown Manhattan?

He replied to one of the "Earn $10k a week, at home, in your spare time" spams :)
Re:Just Goes To Show... by garcia · 2004-03-16 05:05 · Score: 2, Funny

nah. No matter how hard we try to make something idiot proof the universe is always able to create a better idiot.
Re:Sounds fishy by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 05:08 · Score: 3, Funny

>>How does a guy earning $40k per year have a 2 bedroom apartment in Midtown Manhattan?

Easy. His wife makes $160k being one of those Meet Horny and Bored Wives in Your Area.
Too bad he was accessing the wrong folder by StandardCell · 2004-03-16 05:17 · Score: 2, Funny

He probably deletes his Inbox on a regular basis.
No, but we do have the author's address. by iamacat · 2004-03-16 05:18 · Score: 4, Funny

"Write to Mylene Mangalindan at mylene.mangalindan@wsj.com". Shall we?
nigerian scam by Roadmaster · 2004-03-16 05:34 · Score: 1, Funny

just wait till this guy gets into a nigerian scam and loses everything.. i bet the wife will be thrilled.
Some choice quotes from the article by smellystudent · 2004-03-16 05:35 · Score: 3, Funny

He buys [snip] pharmaceuticals for himself.
I wonder what kind...

Mr. Soto says he also has bought some adult DVDs and videos via spam, but never got around to marketing them.
cUmc0\/ered h%0t dvdz!!! on1y u5ed 1nce!!! 51ightly 5t1cky.

--
Predictive text is shiv!
Re:Don't be so hard on this man by chmod000 · 2004-03-16 05:37 · Score: 2, Funny

I bet you'd settle for just seeing his credit card. Imagine hiding all YOUR purchases in amongst his! He'd never spot them!

--
Aptal soru yoktur; sadece merakli aptallar vardir.
Re:Flea Markets, Rummage Sales, 4H by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 05:52 · Score: 3, Funny

I have no objection to anyone going to an on-line rummage/yard sale, I just don't want the rummage/yard sale coming to me.
Re:Just Goes To Show... by r2vf · 2004-03-16 05:58 · Score: 5, Funny

no the guy is not an idiot...

he's a spammer.

*throat clearing noise*
Re:Sounds fishy by fermion · 2004-03-16 06:35 · Score: 3, Funny

Haven't you been watching tv for the past 10 years. Anyone can get a wonderful apartment in Manhattan, with bedrooms and large kitchens, and never have to work! All you need are acquantances.

--
"She's a scientist and a lesbian. She's not going to let it slide." Orphan Black
ADV: Cure for Hording by Tatarize · 2004-03-16 07:01 · Score: 2, Funny

"Act now! Supplies are limitied, guranteed cure for hording! xyzyzzYz"

"For $19.99 you too can get this amazing cure..."

"OCD medication is useless to combat this problem."

"But, our solusion! 398293 is sure to work."

"Act, now and get abillity to throw your trash out too..."

--

It is no longer uncommon to be uncommon.
Different degrees of compulsion. by khasim · 2004-03-16 07:37 · Score: 2, Funny

You're thinking of the extreme degree. This guy can resist sales pitches. But he feels better if he finds something that he can buy. He's tried to sell some of the stuff before, but he doesn't manage to find the time or energy to do so.
From the article: Good spam, he says, leaves him feeling blessed and telling himself, "I can't believe this really came."
That's psychological. The guy paid $150 for a METAL DETECTOR and he has a bad back.
It's dead, Jim. by Anonymous Coward · 2004-03-16 07:38 · Score: 1, Funny

Tripod link is dead already.
He may be lying, then... by Dimensio · 2004-03-16 08:00 · Score: 4, Funny

If he is a spammer, by his own admission, then anything that he said with regards to "loving spam" is instantly suspect. Rule #1: Spammers LIE.

Of course, there is rule #3: Spammers are STOOPID.

--
STOP MISUSING APOSTROPHES, YOU MORONS!!!
Re:Heres his PHONE NUMBER!!!!!!!!! by herdingcats · 2004-03-16 12:12 · Score: 2, Funny

Hell's Kitchen. Figures.