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Best Results From Bartering Computer Services?
silicon not in the v writes "Last night I was over at some friends' house. They had cable modem with no firewall and tons of spyware, etc. on their system. They complained about all the popups and how bad it was that they were afraid to let their kids on the computer, so I set them up with ZoneAlarm, Ad Aware, and Firefox to get it cleaned up. In return, the husband, who is a chiropractor, gave my wife and I a free adjustment. What other interesting services or benefits have people been able to get by bartering IT/programming services?"
I will fix your computer in return for one of these.
What other interesting services or benefits have people been able to get by bartering IT/programming services?
Beer. And lots of it.
--saint
Isn't this the story line for some cheap porno film??
I have no problems fixing lady's computers for a return "adjustment"
Well my comp sci teacher lied to me. Apparently, you can't barter computer skills for sex. Bastard!
This is my sig. There are many like it but this one is mine.
About all I've ever managed to get for helping my friends with their computer troubles is their recommendation to their friends to bug me to help them. A losing proposition all around.
Not more than you need, just more than you want
ChirQuacktor, eh?
Methinks you've been had.
...I have this friend who is a proctologist and he was having computer problems and...
This way to the egress...
"I'm here to fix the comptuer."
"It's in the bedroom."
"This is going to be a long, hard job."
"Maybe my roommate can help."
I fixed computers for hundreds of women. I think one of them later smiled at me. Sure she was nailing my jock roomate, but I still think I came close to losing my virginity...
maybe if you gave them linux you could've gotten the "happy ending"
You could just name this story "I am a geek and married".
Lisp is the Tengwar of programming languages.
What if you get sex for bartering computer skills? Would that be prostitution? Do you have to itemize? Can you deduct it? I'm intrigued.
I have this neighbor who works at the NSA. He isn't really the bartering type. He, instead, prefers ominous threats.
Anyway, one day he walked over to my house, knocked on the door, and demanded that I help him get all the crap off his computer. Since he's never too nice to me, I asked him why I should do this. He said if I didn't he'd make me an NSA test case for subdermal tracking devices. Empty threat, I thought to myself.
Well, I was wrong. Now I have the black vans that seem to track me at a distance. They do a good job of staying out of sight, but I know they are following me. I guess I'm comforted by the fact that someone, somewhere knows my neighbors IP and what web sites he visits.
And why in God's name did you refuse those, uhm, services?... Are you crazy? Do you realize you've just alienated 85% of the /. crowd?
These newbies..
Karma: Bad (but who really cares anyway?)
I fixed up my pastor's PC, and in return he has saved my eternal soul. :)
It's not /free/ if you had to fix her computer for it.
--Xandu
Same deal here. All my dental work for free.
Of course the other side of that deal is that I married his daughter. I think he got the cheaper end of the deal...
Yep you heard me.
Actually, I was going to get the sex anyways, the small perl script was just what I did to prolong the sex.
anyone wearing that shirt rightly deserves the social ostracization that will ensue.
Photos.
[woman in nightie]: ...but I don't have a hard drive...
*bow chica bow bow*
Hades, PoD: Official Advocate
[ex girlfriend] I'm having problems with my PC, I keep getting popups and it freezes all the time.
[me] That stinks...
[ex girlfriend] Would you come over and fix it for me?
[me] I'm kinda busy lately...
[ex girlfriend] I'll make it worth the trip
[me] Leaving now!!!
...and it was really gwood, too!
Last night I had some geek come over to my house who wanted to install some crap on my computer. I let him, and in return I got to fondel his wife. I called it "adjusting".
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
Along the same lines I've received snake oil, the Brooklyn Bridge, and all natural "enlargers." Plus I got these neat crystals that calm my aura... or something.
However, none of these compensations ever offered the possibility of a stroke. Are you sure the husband wasn't just trying to kill you because he thought you might have hit on his wife?
And did you pay taxes on that "free" service? Please remember, when you forget to pay Uncle Sam his cut, we all lose. :-)
OK, other way around really but the priest who erm, "runs"? my local church (he didn't actually perform either my wedding or child's christening due to illness, but his church nonetheless) has been getting free Excel support ever since.
It's getting to be a running joke that each week or two he'll turn up at the door with printouts in hand and an unquenchable need for tea.
So I guess he bartered christian services for MS Office development and support services.
cookies, and... My Little Pony stickers...
Dear Penthouse Letters,
....
I never thought I'd be writing to you, but
Get off my lawn.
Sometimes undying gratitude as well. That can go a long way. Oddly enough, a lot of time when the computer is totally hosed, I get better results. "Okay, the OS is hosed, the hard drive has 5 errors, you only have 16mb RAM on a Win98 machine, and the CD-ROM won't work. Not a lot I can do here." "Oh, I am so sorry to drag you all the way up here..."
Oh, and I have gotten a LOT of free stuff, like old computer hardware or stuff I find around the hardware.
God, I am such a geek...Actually, I wonder about letting an accountant who can't pay for a job do my taxes ;)
I set up a cd server at an auto mechanics shop once for a free brake job. I suppose I shouldn't talk. Once the IRS is through with you, you'll still be alive.
Sent from my Amiga 500
As for homeopathy, there have been no methodologically sound scientific studies to support the idea that it has any effect beyond a placebo.
Your personal testimony as to the effectiveness of these treatments is meaningless. Millions of Asians swear by rhinocerous horn and astrology. They are just as deluded and wrong as you.
I did a bunch of work on the Dali Lama's PC. Got rid of the spyware and got him a bunch of MP3s. The guy wears a big robe which doesn't have pockets so he doesn't carry cash.
Suffice it to say I was feeling pretty ripped off. But he told me that in return for my good work right before my death I'd have one moment of perfect clarity.
So I got that going for me.
I have no
It was supposed to be about love, but in the end it wasn't. C'est la vie.
At least she didn't give you a virus.
--You will rephrase your request for me to go to hell. Goto statements are not acceptable programming constructs
I think he means free as in speech.
Why do I keep typing pythong?
No kidding, a year or so back my mother's boyfriend asked me if I could come over to one of his friends house to fix a problem he was having with his computer. It was about 8 or 9 on a Sunday evening , my only day off I might add, but I said "sure". After hearing a description of the problem I determined it was Blaster so I loaded up my trusty pen drive with the removal tool and Ad-aware. After spending 45 minutes removing blaster, patching, removing around 300 bits of spyware (according to Ad-aware),and defragmenting I figured the guy was going to hand me a twenty or possibly even a fifty (he owned a used car dealership) for doing all that work and making it to where his computer was usable again. What was my grand reward for taking over an hour and a half (this includes driving time) of my time on a Sunday night? A yummy bottle of Yoo-Hoo chocolate drink. The sad part is that if I had killed him I would be considered the criminal.....
You should ask for this instead.
It just seems more appropriate.
This is not my sig.
A haircut.
Serveral massages.
Dinner (and she hit on me...)
"'Restricted level accesss' to some of her 'services'"
Note that these were all with different females.
Less look fast, more go fast.
Well, big deal...
After "fixing" a computer for the government I get my taxes for free.
Beat that...
Ps. In case you work for the FBI, disregard the statement above.
Beer
Free labor on replacement of my water heater.
Free server hosting
A kitchen faucet (a nice lifetime warranty Moen one, but not the kitchen sink to go with it)
Discounted closing on my home mortgage
I like how beer comes before Discounted closing on my home mortgage
How to get out of doing tech support for your family.
was this a girls dorm for college or a middle school?
Prove it.
Those are euphemisms, right?
The father of one of my friends needed Linux installed. When I was done, I found out that he was a lawyer who owned a liquor store. One cancels the other out, I guess. Anyway, I was amply rewarded.
'nuff said
Someone has to make the comment...
Are you sure you got a good barter out of that?
As a happily married guy myself, I say this with a lot of humor.
Dude turning down sex is like cheating on yourself....
Tech Support for the Family?
I did some work for an adult DVD company and thought it quite amusing when the proprietor said of payment when we were negotiating:
"Cash or product?"
'Thats they exact same thing a banana wrench monkey.'
Coulda at least tried for the 3-way since you already had a girlfriend. *shakes head*
"Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus Rex."
everything except that which i actually need. a job :(
They offered--they owned the truck, and a family friend of theirs owned the quarry. Net cost to them was pretty much just labor, same as with us.
:)
All I can say is: barter rocks.
What part of "shall not be infringed" is so hard to understand?
I work in a hospital and one of our senior doctors wanted me to do some work for him. He gave me 2 offers. I took the second one - cash. The first one was a free coloscopy...
I'll see your Constitution and raise you a Queen.
Thats what my girlfreind gave me for fixing her pc, does that count?
:)
Now if only her twin sister had the same problem
GPLv2: I want my rights, I want my phone call! DRM: What use is a phone call, if you are unable to speak?
I have had some annoying girls ask me to fix their computers. These are usually the friends of friends, who care only about themselves, basically the cast members of "mean girls." So instead of trying to get something out of it I usually ask them for something they won't ever end up giving me. An example, this one girl begged me multiple times to fix her computer. I told her I don't know how to cook and if I fixed her computer I simply want a dinner out of it. But I knew she was too selfish to ever do that in return. My real plan was to help her so she can't ask my help again. I cleaned the computer up, got it working great, 5 months later it is filled with spyware again and even though she has mentioned it to my brother he simply responds "he is still disappointed about you not holding up your end of the bargain."
I spent the hour not for the free dinner but because I knew I wouldn't get it and I could use that for leverage.
Give me a treat, and I'll give you Mozilla.
Give me a raging case of herpes, and I'll clean your PC of Spyware.
Use your teeth, and I reinstall windows.
That's hilarious. Your first thought is to stay under the table and masterbate instead of actually trying to talk to her or ask her out. DAMNIT MAN! SNAP OUT OF IT!!
Funny. I always get the "trust content from..." dialog whenever Windows wants to download a patch.
Maybe clicking "No" would help...
I once saw a
I should've got a screenshot.
So? They also eat things called "haggis" and "spotted dick." Please don't use the British as examples of sane behavior. ;)
News for Geeks in Austin, TX
A classic:
A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
"Where did you get the bike from?" his friends want to know.
"It's a `thank you' present", he explains, "from that freshman girl I've been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird..."
"Tell us!"
"Well", he starts, "yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'"
One of his friends remarks: "You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle."
"Yeah", another friend adds, "just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girl's clothes - and they wouldn't have fit you anyway!"