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How To Make Friends on the Telephone
Dan writes "What a wonderful find--it seems since the internet, we've forgotten the correct way to communicate with people. So here is a book to teach us the proper etiquette, as well as how to handle complex modern communications devices."
talking over the phone, via e-mail is not as clear cut as body language
as well as how to handle complex modern communications devices
/. , if people here don't already know how to handle these things, who knows?
Dude, this is
The IT section color scheme sucks.
Looks like we will have to phone the webmaster and tell him he will soon been /.ed.
Whats the proper way to do that?
Nice article there - it was to look over the pamphlet and retrospect about how far we've come communication-wise in the past few decades. We can communicate more effectively, work more productively, and get information faster.
But I cannot say the same for the improvement in social life that technology has brought about. Sure, we have IM now, I can videoconference with my folks back home halfway across the world without paying a penny, but has it really *improved* my social life? I don't think so.
IMHO, we communicate better with people we need to (at work) and family/friends, but we don't really end up making more friends (I won't go so far as to credit Orkut groups/etc as friends). If anything, we're spending more time in front of our screens sending and accessing messages (communicating) at the cost of social interaction.
Maybe it's just me, but I have a feeling it's true for a lot of folks especially those around here.
An Indian-American Hindu committed to non-violent thought/speech/action alarmed by the global explosion of radical Islam
prank calls are pretty much all I use a phone for nowdays. Anything important gets logged via email or some propritary messaging service the company gives out so theres no claiming you never saw/heard it or any ambigutiy in the wording. The only real use phones have is long distance talking to significant others where you want to try to get some personal touch in via voice but nowdays a webcam and voice over ip is the way to go. I don't even have long distance phone service at my house, for the few long distance calls I do make long distance I just use one of the 10-10+code series of deals.
What's a "telephone"? Is it like VoIP
Aside from the prevalence of automated attendants, I've noticed that many human operators don't seem to know how to answer with a warm greeting, ask for information, put people on hold correctly, or bridge a call to the right person.
I've become better at handling phones simply by listening to what these people are doing wrong, and using that as a basis for improving my own phone skills.
But on the other end as a caller, I've found it helpful to announce myself at the beginning of the call, instead of having them ask me for my name. And also to have as much information ready as possible, and present it before I'm asked, IE account numbers, customer numbers, MAC address of cable modems, etc.
Just wondering.
What makes you think this isn't exactly what's going on? Story placement is a *big* part of any PR department's job...
I learned my phone skills in the military. But telemarketers who ignore the do-not-call list have forced me into a corner. Now, I simply hang up on them rather than waste more than 10 seconds on trying to be polite. I feel for the person on the other end who is often just some low wage person trying to make a living, but that's not my problem.
"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!" - Glen Beck
People from other offices at work call and the first words out of their mouth are "Who is this?". I was taught that you identify yourself, then ask for person you want to talk to.
The hardest thing about a phone conversation is trying to figure out how to pronounce "pwn3d!"
Setec Astronomy
So you're telling me I shouldn't answer the phone by saying:
WTF do you want?
Here's an archive.org snapshot of the first page:
http://web.archive.org/web/20030602171945/http://
I've been working with sales people for a long time, and I've learned a few things about voice mail etiquette:
leave your name, phone number, and a very brief description of what you want FIRST, then go on to any details
leave your return number SLOW ENOUGH THAT SOMEONE CAN WRITE IT DOWN. I can't tell you how many people actually SPEED UP TO AUCTION CALLER SPEEDS when leaving their number. If I have to play your number back five times to get it, I'm not going to bother. A good tip is to write your number down on scrap paper as you say it.
if your name is hard to spell, SPELL IT. Or at least say it SLOWLY.
Also, what's with people making phone calls from the public toilet? When I was at WWDC this year, I saw tons of people doing this, usually they were european. (No pun intended, but it's tempting.) Is this a cultural thing that I as an american don't understand? Seems to me the sound of background flushing would be a bit off-putting to a co-worker or potential customer.
- "When you want something with all your heart, the entire universe conspires to give it to you" -Paulo Coelho
I'm using the phone more, not less. For example:
.JPG images and a Word Document. They're not pr0n, they're not viruses, and they're not malware from some cretin in China who wants to turn you into a zombie.
.JPG images and a Word document? I want to make sure they're not pr0n, viruses, or malware from some cretin in China who wants to turn me into a zombie.
1) Hey, I'm about to e-mail you three
2) Hi there. I need to fax you the final proposal. I'm not trying to get you to re-finance your mortgage.
3) Did you, by chance, e-mail me three
See? The telephone isn't obsolete at all.
DUCT TAPE: The Election Supervisors' Secret Weapon
If you so much as claim to like a TeeVee show someone else doen't like, that other person will tell you how your taste is all in your feet, your brain cells suffer from some degenerating disease of the mind, you should do disgusting and incetuous things with your mother and/or father and/or unlce, and you are, somehow, the moral equivalent of Hitler, Stalin and Caligula combined.
Although not in so many words. It's usually "Yu fvkin suuk dood!" But the meaning is clearly implied.
People tell me it's the result of free speech and free expression and the tossing of old ways, but that doesn't do much to mitigate the fact that we live immersed in an endless legion of assholes.
--- Ban humanity.
I've always replied to anyone who wanted to communicate over the telephone that I'm lost without a modem hooked up to the phone line. "You mean that's not just for hooking up a modem to?"
:)
In a related story, I forget what the program was -- something that you can pop AT commands to directly...but a long time ago, my sister refused to relinquish the line so I did ATA while she was on. Kept the beeeeeeeeep on long enough for her to hang up. And thus began the great phone wars.
As far as real phone manners go, there should be a true syn-ack handshake for it. syn-> phone rings. "Hello, my name is..." terminating with the fin "um...I'm sorry, so in so does not live here anymore" [No Carrier]
Anyone that doesn't follow the protocol shouldn't be allowed to communicate.
No? How about just plain "WHAT!" or "FUCK YOU" and a nice healthy SLAM! Or "DUDE! I'm, like, in the MIDDLE of some serious SHIT. Call back." But not "Hello"? How about "Hi, how are you, I have gas"? I mean, a suggestion as to why "hello" is so bad, or some alternatives might be nice.
Seriously, "Hello" followed by perhaps your name or department is JUST FINE.
"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!" - Glen Beck
... smoking.
You see it in '40/'50 movies a lot, but that doesn't mean it's in vogue today.
The correct way to respond to that is to tell them you do not want to receive anymore calls so could they please remove your number from their list. In most states they have to by law.
SMOKE... are ya smokin yet?
hmm friends? telephone? How can I give a HIGH-FIVE thru the telephone?!!
Puddy: High-Five!
First day, didn't know everybody's name. Phone rings, German geezer answers the phone and simply says "tits"!!
Different phone rings, another geezer answers, says what sounded "fuck"!
Me starts to think this is the Stuttgart office of the Tourette's society. Later learn that their names were "Titze" and "Foerch".
Oh, how we laughed.
Ha ha.
next time they call to sell you something, tell them you're out of town and won't be back till next week. See what they do with that.
[Fuck Beta]
o0t!
A better approach is to let them go through their whole pitch, then say something like: "Hold on, let me get my credit card." Then put them on hold, and ignore them. If they think they've made a sale, they WILL NOT hang up, and will stay on the line for as long as it takes (a friend of mine claims he once strung one of them along for five hours.) And while they're waiting for you, they won't be able to harass other people. Of course, you have to be willing to give up a phone line for the duration of your little game.
This idea's kind of an anachronism, but it held very true not 25 years ago.
Ma Bell used to charge per phone in the house, so most households had only one phone and one phone line (the rest would disable the ringers on any newer phones so the CO would only see one phone).
At any rate, when you were calling someone, they may have been at the other end of the house or even outside when you called, hence the one minute "rule", to give them time to get to the phone.
What next, "Sexy swirls: an introduction to smoke signals"?
"5... 4... 3.. 1... OFFBLAST!"
Anyway, I'm a little surprised this on /. As far as I am concerned, phones suck. I use them because I have to. It's a more "instant" form of communication than email provided you manage to get the person you need to speak to on the phone. And it's the standard, as most everyone has either a landline or a cellphone but many (well, let's make that 'some') people still don't have email accounts and/or don't check them regularly.
That being said, I really dislike phones. As far as I am concerned, they're about the rudest form of communication, at least in a business environment. By chosing to make a call instead of emailing the person, you're chosing the easy way out. Basically you prioritize your time over their's. They have to talk to you even though they might be busy or doing something else. In a business environment, there are few people who can just ignore the phone.
By emailing me instead, I could have dealt with your problem on my own terms and allocated time based on my current schedule (that the caller's certainly not aware of), needs and priorities. Should I not see your email in time (which is unlikely since my mail server notifies me of some new emails (procmail is great, isn't it) via text message) you could still call.
That's why I have two cell phones. I use one during business hours, the number is on my business cards and if you call me on it during business hours I will answer, period. The other is my personal phone. It's small enough that I can easily take it everywhere, the number is not listed and only known to family, friends and customers who have expressed that they might need to reach me. Family and friends can call me anytime, no matter what. Same goes for customers, but they have to pay me (depends on the contract but usually I charge tripple) if they need me when I'm off. They're aware of that and don't bother me with trivial problems. If something important comes up, they know how to reach me though. Everybody's happy.
So generally, I do prefer email or text messaging to phone calls. That way, I get to choose who I talk to. As far as I am concerned, it's a lot more polite to email me than to call me at 9 in the morning when I might still be asleep.
The article is slashdotted and I don't see a pointer to a mirror, but based on other people's comments, it sounds like it is a rehash of '50s rules and ettiquette and if it isn't how does it respond to questions like:
1. If you have call display, is it polite to answer the phone with the caller's name? I couple of years ago, this freaked people out, now it's very common. Older people tend to think of this as an invasion of privacy; but these same people consider it acceptable to have a peephole on their door and only open it to people they know.
2. What about call answer? Should you take the incoming call and how long should you be on it before returning to the original call? What happens if you consider the second call to be more important than the first?
3. Is call screening using an answering machine polite?
4. I give telemarketers one chance to hang up before I slam the receiver down on them. Is this polite or should I listen to their pitch? Can I blow a Fox-40 whistle into the receiver?
5. What are cell phone rules? Is it acceptable to have a social call while in line at the supermarket? What about a heated business call?
I suspect that a lot of these answers are based on how old you are and what your workplace experience is.
Enquiring minds want to know!
myke
Mimetics Inc. Twitter
Sounds like a better title for this book would be "Social Engineering for Dummies."
The higher the technology, the sharper that two-edged sword.
Check out this bit from the Duchess of Ettiquette that explains why the invention of the telephone is rude in and of itself.
I think people were just more isolated, and ignorent of the legions of assholes out there. The 50's were also full of paranoia, too. Politicians like McCarthy fueled fears that Communists were plotting on every streetcorner to hijack America from within. It is only another extreme, that some remember, that the world was full of nice, polite people that would be friendly if only you could communicate with them! If the public had cell phones in the 50's they would run into the same attitudes.
The headline eerily reminded me of that one.
I never tell them who I am at work though. No-one would ever ask for me by name so it avoids them taking the opportunity to quiz me on the health of their relative and instead I can just pass the call on to someone else.
I have also mastered complete ignorance of the noise of the phone, so I can usually out-wait anyone within hearing distance so they answer it first.
This idea was invented by Shampoo.
Excerpt:
Another excerpt:
The shareholder is always right.
As a geek with a girlfriend, I can say the phone is critical. While IM is usefull for large numbers of people, the phone is better for personal conversations where voice inflection has more meaning.
And asking someone out on IM is just bad.
I call bullshit. Not on the fact that you have a girlfriend, hey, anything is possible... It may not be as romantic as using the telephone, but I know a lot of people that have successfully arranged dates through IM.
Here's a hint, it's not so much the medium you use as it is what you say. Sometimes people (especially us geeks) get so caught up in the technology behind the communications medium we forget what it's really for - exchanging thoughts and ideas.
If you're not able to talk to a girl in real life, talking via IM isn't going to suddenly turn you into an Internet Don Juan. Likewise, if you know how to talk to the opposite sex, it doesn't matter whether you're speaking on the phone, corresponding through snail-mail or using IM. It's what you say that matters, not the means of conveying the information.
---
DRM is like antifreeze, to the MPAA/RIAA it's sweet, to the consumers it's poison.
Of course, this is when I have a computer handy, and I'm not saying cellphones aren't useful for the road. But even then, I find it more convenient to text someone. Why? Simply because, when using text, via computer or cell, it doesn't require your immediate attention. When I'm on a computer, I can alt-tab and focus on other things, like webpages, games, pr0n, etc. With txtmessaging on cells, you can do the same thing, leave the msg in your inbox and view it later. Of course, there are times and places where audio data is better than visual data, but I still find I have a preference for texts.
And I'm not saying this because I have an aversion to people, I simply prefer to use text via IMs or cellphones or face to face, I hate the phone.
Buy Steampunk Clothing Online!
One good rule I wish people would follow is simply to know to whom you are speaking before you continue.
We have Direct Inward Dial at work - this means that in addtion to being able to dial the main number, then at the prompt enter an extension, it is also possible to dial a different number and get an extension directly - so if my extension was 123, you could dial ###-#123 where the #'s are a fixed prefix.
Now, for the sales guys this is great, but for me it sucks, since I generally don't need to talk to anybody directly, and I'd rather they have to dial the main number and my extension if they want to reach me - I have systems to design, code to write and debug, work to do!
So, when I answer the phone directly, it is simply "Engineering, this is (name)". If you really are trying to reach me, you will know you have the right number and can continue. Hopefully, if this is the WRONG number, you will clue into that and check - "Excuse me, but I was trying to read Edith's Toenail service, do I have the correct number?"
Thursday the phone rigs the "outside line" ring, and I answer it - I am having a bunch of work done on my house and it might have been one of the contractors. I give my usual answer, "Engineering, this is (name)".
And this gal starts in - "This is (name) and my son is (name) and he had his thing stolen at school and " and so on for a good 15 seconds at a mile a minute before I get a chance to break in. "Excuse me miss, but you have the wrong number." "This isn't XYZ school?" "No ma'am" "What number is this" (Now, I happen to feel this is improper ettiquette - IMHO she should have said "Is this ###-####" - she does not need to know what number this is, only if this is the number she was trying to dial) "No ma'am, this is %%%-%%%%" (the main number, not my D.I.D. number) "Oh, I have the wrong number (click)".
Beat.
Beat.
Ra-Ring.
(sigh)
"(Full company name) this is (name) can I help you?" "I have the wrong number again - is this ^^^-^^^^" "No, ma'am, this is ^^^-^^**" (Last 2 digits wrong) "Oh, I'm sorry (click)"
Now, the point of this story is that, upon first hearing something that was NOT "XYZ school", she SHOULD have said, "Excuse me, but I am trying to reach XYZ school, do I have the right number?" rather than launching into her life's story.
I'm sure she was upset by whatever was happening in her life, but she told me things that not only did I not CARE to hear, but were pretty damn personal - all because she did not confirm the identity of the person with whom she was speaking.
Of course, we live in a society that will blindly fill in whatever forms J.Random.URL asks - I should expect no different for the telephone.
www.eFax.com are spammers
we know how to use devices, how about teaching us how to communicate in person, and have the other person believe we're not weird without putting up a front.
maybe that's an oxymoron?
In the Detroit area, one of the suburban area codes (248-xxx-xxxx) is 248.
At Ford headquarters, one of the local city exchanges is 248. (xxx-248-xxxx).
Whenever anyone from downtown Detroit tries to call someone from the suburbs with a 248 area code, and doesn't dial a "1" to indicate a long distance call, they get some unhappy engineer at Ford.
It usually goes something like this:
*ring* Ford employee notices local number on Caller ID they don't recognize...
"Ford Motor Co. this is xxxx"
*In very strong urban accent* "Is Tiniqua there?"
"Excuse me? This is For-"
"If you don't put Tiniqua on the phone, some shit is goin' down. Who the f*** are you, cracka?"
"This isn't who you tried to dial. This is For-"
"WHAT? You sayin' I stu-pid too? I can't dial no phone? I don't think so. That's it! I'm comin' down there to find out where tha hell she is!"
*click* *sigh*
*true story*
My own TiBook on cable. Be gentle.
I'll be sure to load the page as delicately and slowly as possible.
assuming there is a 7 year statute of limitations... I had in my office a mysterious phone socket, which didn't seem to generate a telelphone bill. This was long before caller id, so I had no way of finding out the number, so I used that one for outgoing calls and my own for incoming.
A side effect of this is that every incoming call on the mystery line was a wrong number. Following my high standards of telephone etiquette, I started off politely greeting callers with "Hello, this is the wrong number.", which (despite being factual, formal, polite and clear english) seemed to baffle the vast majority of callers.
Responses varied from polite confusion, through stubborn insistence that I must either BE the person the other party wanted to speak to or at least able but unwilling to put me though to them, all the way to someone who called 10 times in as many minutes asking for "Dave", getting more annoyed each time. On the 10th call I said "OK, you win this is Dave, what do you want?", at which point he hung up on me.
After a while I got bored with politeness and switched to making prank answers (like prank calls, but the other way round), the objective of which was to keep a straight face while cracking everyone else in the office up. The most successful of these was 'dial-a-duck', the premium rate porn service for duck fetishists, which involved answering the phone with "Hi, welcome to Dial-a-Duck", and then carring on the resulting conversation using only the word "quack", in as seductive a manner as possible.
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
Actually, putting the question mark after the word indicates that it's to be spoken with rising inflection, as opposed to the blandness of "Hello."
That said, the appropriate thing to say depends on where you work. On a shop floor, for example, you might opt for "Shop floor, this is Joe." In a technical office kind of environment, quickly state your organization and name, e.g., "Mergers and acquisitions, Floyd Smith." Perhaps your name is irrelevant, so you go with "Elton Electricians, how can I help you?" If you're your own boss, the name alone can suffice: "Jeff Smith."
The key thing is to answer the phone with a brief greeting that immediately lets the caller know if he's reached the place/person he was after. "Hello" with or without question mark fails to do so.
Learn to spell: nickel, missile, lose, solely, amendment, speech, kernel, probably, ridiculous, deity, hierarchy, versus
If -- as I was taught, for business contexts -- you answer the phone with some statement including your name, then they wouldn't have to ask.
Now, if you do that, and they simply ask for somebody else without identifying themselves, then hey, read 'em the riot act, because they're still rude.
You cannot apply a technological solution to a sociological problem. (Edwards' Law)
"Arranging dates" is one thing, but asking someone out or any kind of heavily emotional conversation is best done in person (or *maybe* over the phone).
And I disagree with your assertion that success with girls is all about what you say. In my experience, what I say is practically irrelevant. The most important aspect is body language: relax, look them in the eye, be attentive, have a non-threatening posture. If you master body language then it doesn't really matter what you say, because the mark will interpret what you say positively (subconsciously drawing context from your posture). This even carries a bit over the phone since your voice sounds slightly different depending on your posture and mood.
IM conversations are more tricky, because the person will fill in the missing context from the environment around them (Well, that assumes they already know you. If they don't know you at all [or are really desperate], they're more likely to be optimistic). This makes it rather difficult to predict the responses even with a lengthy calibration conversation.
Of course this is only true for the short term. The long term effects are more dependent on what you say (but that's outside of my area of expertise).
What's your username again?
*mumble*
>clickety click...< Now you have plenty of free disk space.
cpghost at Cordula's Web.