Slashdot Mirror
Preventing/Resolving Interoffice Conflict?
An anonymous reader asks: "I have an extremely unpleasant person to whom I directly report. I have no desire to leave my company until I've accomplished certain personal (read: financial) goals, but that will probably be, at the least, 12-30 months. In the meantime, I'd like to start resolving the personality clashes that me and this individual seem to constantly find ourselves in, with the hopes of perhaps extending my stay. Unfortunately, it's beyond my current mediating skills. Have you found any particular books, articles, texts, outlooks, or strategies which they have found valuable with respect to resolving personality conflicts in the workplace, or in a larger sense, mediating, arbitrating, or resolving disagreements?"
Have a look at this:
:-) Great fun reading and you might get some sneaky ideas from it ... hehe
BOFH - the original More BOFH
You wouldn't happen to be reporting directly to Steve Jobs, would you?
I haven't read it myself, but I've heard good things about Nonviolent Communication (Marshall B. Rosenberg). Including from someone who does conflict mediation for a living.
http://www.advertisementave.com/tv/ad.asp?adid=526
What it says is a bit common sense and I am breaking one of the rules by telling you about it, but /. has given so much to me, I really have to give back.
The Rules of Work
I have read it three times and have found it invaluable in more than just work.
flinging poop since 1969
When you do find any good documents, please be sure to forward them off to all the governments around the world ;)
I find that beer is a great leveler.
Beer breaks down barriers. Buying beers for others breaks down even more.
Having a beer bought for you is cool - especialy so if the beer is too.
For problems, seek only the simplest solution, complexity brings with it more problems.
Might want to watch this: http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail37.html.
It's bad enough when you have to work in the same department with someone like this, but to report directly to them?
I worked for a huge corporation for 8 years, and when one person was hired and decided I was a threat to his position and proceeded to repeatedly sabotage my work and reputation... it got ugly.
This person buddied up to management (literally, taking them golfing and out on his boat, etc.) and with little nagging here and there, eventually convinced them that I was the problem, not him.
I got out in time... I left that company and got a ~50% raise in the process.
Upon submitting my 2 week notice, I posted this outside my cubicle... no-one took it down.
Almost immediately after I left, I ended up hearing that he targetted another in the group (since I was no longer there to be the scapegoat for his mistakes). Unfortunately for him, this guy had a phenomenal reputation in the company that spanned many levels (so it finally backfired).
The "moral of the story" is basically... you're in a "no-win situation". This person is not only going to have a negative effect on your psyche over that period of time, but he's going to have a negative effect on your reputation, making it more difficult to get another job anyways.
This is, of course, if he doesn't fire you first... which will make it even more difficult to find another job.
My recommendation is to polish your resume and post it immediately... it only gets worse.
- Preferences: Solaris 10 (servers), Ubuntu (desktops), Solaris 11 (personal servers) -
Agree with them 100% of the time. Then do whatever you were going to do anyway. If you're always in agreement it's not a "personality clash", it's something else less easy to whack a label on and blame you for.
Surely there are enough conflict management books out there?
Basicly the things I remembered from them
1 Don't make the problem personal. Don't say you're an asshole, but something like "that can be done better".
If the problem is personal, be direct about it.
2 There are 5 ways to go about a conflict
a) Fight: beware don't fight with someone stronger then you and think of the aftermath
b) Run: beware that you don't become a pushover, but for some occasions it's good not to escalate and come back later
c) Compromise: good for the moment but you both loose
d) Win-win: this is the one you normally should go for
e) Both loose: don't go for this one
For example see http://ianrpubs.unl.edu/family/heg181.htm
"Personality clashes" - that covers a fair whack of ground. You can't possibly expect useful advice (if there even is such an animal) without a lot more information about you, and the other person, preferably from an unbiased third party... one or both of you might need psychoanalysis, or just a weekend on a fishing boat together, or (for all I know) a lobotomy, but what you *don't* need is suggestions from the Slashdot crowd based on an extremely vague question.
But on a more constructive note, I've been there myself, more than once. So you've asked a vague question and you'll get a vague answer: in my case, back in the old days, in retrospect, most of the time, frankly it was my fault. Then I got a bit older and a bit wiser, and now I find myself flexible enough to deal with or avoid almost any unpleasant situation. So try waiting a few years until one or both of you grows up a bit. (Note that in most cases, time alone doesn't help people, so this probably won't work - but neither will the books and classes recommended to you by others)
Perfectly Normal Industries
Not sure if this will help but.... You have two kinds of people in an office. Confrontational people - they fight and bully etc. Submissive people - the ones the Confrontational people bully etc. Funnilly the Confrontational people think that they are being Assertive. They are not. That is what the Submissive person must learn to do. How to be Assertive in three steps? 1. Be honest about what relevant - don't call the other guy an asshole - it is not relevant and makes you Confrontational. 2. Pick you bottom line and stick to it - What is the minimum you need from this situation? Decide that and stick to wanting this. Keep saying what you want again and again and again and again...... it sounds stupid, but the other person breaks down after a while. If you don't do this then you are Submissive. 3. Treat the other person like a human being - simple as that. It shows respect and you should get it back. Thanks Jay
Except that he's an "unpleasant person", you give no examples, no further information that could tell us what the problem is like.
So I can only give the default answer, which is to behave like a grown up, tell him that you have these problems, and that you want to talk them out because work is affected. That's usually the only way to actually have a chance at solving them anyway, I believe.
Or perhaps you already tried that, or you know he actively wants these problems, or there's some other reason why that certainly won't work, or whatever, but you didn't tell us that.
I believe posters are recognized by their sig. So I made one.
Well i wish I had more info about your particular situation, sadly I do not so the best I can do is share a technique I've used. Admit you're wrong about something. Even if you're not. (Although, if you're like me, I'm sure the opportunity where you really are wrong will materialize.) Admit fault, and apologize. If you have to swallow your pride and do it, give it a shot.
:P) I blamed IBM for a problem on another coworker's machine. She, having been a long time employee before working at this partciular company, knew full well that IBM has a very strong engineering sense and wouldn't possibly make a product that would inconvenience people. I knew full well that something they had pre-installed was causing severe lag in the machine preventing the engineer from working. Obviously I was in the right, so when she told me in front of everybody else I didn't know what I was talking about, I was righteous in blowing up at her in private.
.. uh.. exchange and I said "I've made one too many cracks at IBM's expense, haven't I?" The anger in her eyes almost immediately melted away. I was right. I was in the wrong. IBM had been the butt of my jokes for like a year, and she quietly let them go by. But they never really went anywhere, they just built up somewhere. And when I publically blasted IBM in a meeting, she had finally had enough.
I'll share an example with you: I got into it with my former boss once. (Note: Former long after this incident, so spare me the obvious Trump line.
Here's the thing, though. We were(are) good friends. We never had a problem like this before. So when we sat face to face eyes ablaze with anger ready to have a dueling of words, I realized this was not a situation we should ever be in. I mean, she is one of the most rational people I have ever met, and to wind her up like that... well there had to be something more to it. Then it dawned on me. I paused the
When I pointed out my contribution to the problem, it immediately defused the situation. Suddenly we were our old selves again and we both figured out what it'd take to prevent that type of thing from happening again. I'm happy to say that by the time our chat was over, there was no discomfort at the office. There was no "ugh that was an ugly moment." It was settled, we were both cool.
If I had been more of an asshole, I could have pursued it. I could have attempted to drill her into the ground. (Although I will say that she's far brighter than I am, I could have easily gone down in flames. hehe.) Instead, quite by accident, I discovered how to get us back onto a pleasant discussion level. Kind of embarrasing on my part, though. heh.
I don't know if this helps you at all. But it might be worth trying. Admit (or claim) a problem was your fault. Maybe you won't seem so threatening to him when he realizes you're not Mr. Perfect.
"Derp de derp."
Quit trying so hard. Seriously.
"...Unfortunately, it's beyond my current mediating skills. Have you found any particular books, articles, texts, outlooks, or strategies..."
If you're going this far, it's not going to work. You're the type of person that feels they've got to be friends with everyone and when you don't get along you have to do something to "fix" it. Anything you try from a book or strategy guide is just going to come across as forced and false and will probably piss off the other person even more.
Best advice: You're in a crappy working situation. If you're planning on making a career out of this job, try and get transferred to another department/building where there's a different manager. If that's not possible, you need to figure out how your boss's boss responds to complaints. If the boss's boss won't listen, or there's nobody that's higher up, find another job or just deal with it until you can leave.
When i first started at my job, somebody decided he didn't like my attitude. He complained about me rather frequently. Dumb ass complained so much he ended up getting himself fired. You could always try giving him hard-to-prove reasons to not like you until his obsession overwhelms him. ;)
I am currently reading "How To Win Friends And Influence People" by Dale Carnegie (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/067 1723650/qid=1090314709/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-1519 721-9700949?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)
It's only 7.99 and will probably solve many more problems than just the one you have with your boss
-- My signature is my passport. Verify me.
I found the book: Coping with Difficult People by Robert M. Bramson very helpful in dealing with (as you say) an ''extremely unpleasant person''.
chongo (was here)
Stupid me! Here is the link:
How to Win Friends and Influence People
-- My signature is my passport. Verify me.
1. Patience, don't speak until they finish speaking to you.
2. Politeness, yes sir, no sir, i'm not sure, sir.
3. Directness, once they have their say, politely offer your own opinion, then HANDS OFF, let them decide.
Remember, its not your job to add to the company value, its YOUR job to do what they say.
00010111 always try everything twice
I would like to congratulate you on this special day, and I'm happy to say I've found the perfect gift for you this year (I'm really sorry about the awful ties last christmas)...
You Might Be Surprised, But It Actually Works.
Stop wasting your time. Your financial situation can be improved elsewhere, it is not worht your liver to deal with loony individuals.
IANAL but write like a drunk one.
there is but one solution to problems of this kind. Start your own business. Then you can be your own boss and have only yourself to hate.
"OH SHIT, THERE'S A HORSE IN THE HOSPITAL!"
1) Separating the people from the problem
2) Focusing on the interests, not positions
3) Inventing options for mutual gain
4) Insisting on using objective criteria
This can get you so far but the results can still be frustrating...so I'd keep in mind that as long as you see yourself with a future at this company, you're better off thinking that:
1) Anger, frustration do nothing to you except for make you feel crappy. Accept that he's a prick and move on.
2) Your manager is a great teacher of patience and tolerance. Once you can put up with him, you can conquer anything!
3) When he's being a jerk, just smile or be nice back to him. He's probably using his asshole-ness as a power play and he'll be confused as hell when you don't play his game. Hopefully others in the company will pick up on your competence+ability to deal with people and want you on their team.
When your supervisor acts in a seemingly unusual manner simply ask why and what is his/her motivation. If you seem sincere about your confusion, s/he should be willing to expound at length.
When that happens, listen. Keep listening. Seek to understand his/her position. Stephen Covey calls it "First Seek to Understand, then be understood".
Of course if after several sessions it appears your boss is just f*cking with you, it's time to CYA on every assignment, document the seemingly bad behavior, and update that resume. Spend the energy worrying about your job trying to find a new job.
It happened to me once and I got a better job, a new career path, and guess what?, my bad boss got fired, so I felt kinda vindicated.
My father is a blogger.
There is a book of essays by Arthur Schopenhauer, combined by Franco Volpi.
"Schopenhauer, Die Kunst Recht zu behalten" which translates to "Schopenhauer, the art of winning any argument" or "the art of being right"...
If you can't manage to be with said person, at least win every argument!
Either way, they will no longer rule your existance, because their behavior will not dictate your response - your own values will.
The way you phrased the problem indicates you're already on the right track. Good luck.
No text
A bad analogy is like a leaky screwdriver.
Dealing with People You Can't Stand is a light hearted book that provides a lot of good strategies.
I wrestled constantly with a surly woman in a previous job--she hated me, hated our department, and hated working with almost anybody.
I'm sitting in her cubicle as she rants about my department again and I notice she has some pictures of her dogs hanging on the walls. In a lull in the raving, I asked about the dogs and--like flipping a switch--she suddenly softened and then went on and on about them. It was the most boring conversation in the world, but afterwards, she cooperated with me much more and even praised my work after the project.
It's easy to get tangled in roles and forget people are human beings--however annoying ones sometimes. That one moment of talking about something she really cared about was just enough to make her realize we weren't gang members but human beings.
As weird as it sounds, try some diplomacy: learn about the person, ask some questions, feign (or, better yet, actually cultivate) interest...you'd be surprised how people suddenly turn around when their passions are revealed.
Books on the matter are good, but you'll generally find two overall pieces of advice in them:
- You can't change other people's behavior.
- You can change how you handle the situation.
Lastly, be aware that if you're the only person that seems to have a problem with this individual, the problem may be on your side.Be sure to be well rested. You'll be an easier person to work with and
will have an easier time handling conflict without getting upset by it.
If you follow this advice in addition to whatever else advice you decide
to accept, things will go smoother.
Good luck.
*sigh* back to work...
If you are of a religious bent, a true story is that she (the storyteller) had the "boss from hell" who would go on a major profane tirade on any little imaginary event. Eventually, whenever he blew up, she told him she was praying for him (she actually would being the type of person she was). That stopped him in his tracks.
There's only one way to solve this like mature adults.
Damien
Zen at Work covers meditation techniques to help you handle the stress and a crash course (with anecdotal examples) about empathy to help you understand what motivates people around you.
Some people have a way with words, and some people, um, thingy.
I used to be a conflict coward, having the exact same co-worker conflict problems. One day at B&N I found this *excellent* book, The Coward's Guide to Conflict.. it really helped me identify that *I* was really the cause of the problems, and help me work them out with my co-workers. Excellent excellent book.
-- Jinsaku
What kind of person is he/she?
In my experience the person falls into one of two categories.
1. Grumpy old Bastard/Bitch.
Grumpy old Bastard has a set way of doing things, likes some people, dislikes others, is possibly an idiot, possibly emotional etc.
How to deal with Grumpy Old Bastard/Bitch?
This person is the easiest to handle. Grumpy Old Bastard/Bitch above all else wants Respect with a capital R. When you can't do things the Grumpy Old Bastard/Bitch (tm) way, just tell them your rationale and wear the abuse. They'll feel better and you can get on with your job. GOB/B tends to be pissed off about so much other stuff this will likely be a minor transgression. Although this is a caricature, the main distinguishing feature of the GOB/B is the they are personality defects and are not dishonest or sneaky.
2. The Snake.
The Snake is dishonest, sneaky and sadistic. The snake rules his workplace kingdom through fear. The smart people loathe the snake while the stupid are his/her unwitting accomplices. The exception are level 9 snakes, who are so skilled in deception that their spots are hidden and only uncovered when unavoidable and Snake perceives a maximal gain from doing so.
The smart tend to wait for the stupider snakes to trip up, although they are pesky and rarely do, because snakes wouldn't be snakes if they tripped, now would they?
How to deal with the Snake?
The snake respects only one thing. STRENGTH. Document everything and if you are squeaky clean, you might just have a chance against Snake.
Don't show Snake your cards. Don't go up against snake with anything less than the nut flush. If Snake calls you, he should be punished severly, a slap on the wrist simply will not do.
Finally, one last peice of advice. Never, EVER bluff a Snake.
If it's not clear, in the case that your boss is a snake, your best off quitting. Choose your battles.
This may not be applicable to your situation, but here is my suggestion: Make everyone else love you, so you can find a way out.
It is essentially an extension of networking well. When people come to you for help, help them and help them well. Make sure that before you walk away, their problems are solved, and they are happy, regardless of your impending deadline. Becomming known as the guy that can help you will get you noticed among others in your group, and eventually this will filter up to other lead persons and managers, who will then want you on their project. If your boss is that bad, and thus has a reputation, another manager will most likely want to help you out.
The main problem with this is that these relationships and "karma points" take awhile to accumulate to a level where you can cash them in for a move, especially if people have already formulated contradictory opinions of you.
I work in a group that writes code that links several other systems, so I get to deal with lots of people, and thus have many opportunities to help people. Lots of developers are not given opportunities like this, so this may not apply.
I am presuming that the financial goals you are talking about are related to vesting options/401k/etc, so another tactic may be to apply for another position in your company.
One last idea (has worked for me, but only with a coworker, not superior). Get him good and happy drunk in a social non-work situation (non company sponsored happy hour, etc). Tell him he can be a real asshole sometimes. Depending on how bad your relationship is, he might laugh about it and say something like "know what, youre right." and that will break alot of the ice and tension in the office.
Those are my best suggestions...
kill him
I work with a Russian fellow who is new to Canada just a few years (he worked in the Soviet Military 25 years... talk about grumpy and political). He went through each person in the group and would basically be a nasty bastard to everyone. Then he would stick the knife in your back if you weren't around. A bunch of us finally got fed up with him, and we confronted his bad behaviour, one at a time, over the span of 3-4 months. I got my opportunity to tell him that he was way out of line with his attitude and that I wouldn't tollerate his immaturity. Surprisingly, it worked, he appologized, and now we get along better. He's still a stubborn bastard who tries to play up to the main boss and point fingers and avoid responsibility when he can, but he doesn't ever rage in fits anymore. Other people did the same with him, and he learned quickly.
The trick is to know what your tollerance level is, pick your battles, and be honest about how you expect to be treated. If someone is out of line and blatantly rude, do the unthinkable and call them on it. Say something like "I'm sorry to have to ask this, but did I somehow offend you in some way?" This makes them have to face their behaviour and try to justify it. Most assholes will backdown quickly.
There are a couple of slackers at my site who spend much of their days on Instant Messaging. I am not their manager but am the team lead so have some level of responsibility. It is quite obvious from the snickering and sometimes outright laughing that the IM is of a personal nature. I've pulled them up on it before but they swear that it is work. I don't know how to deal with this. Their work is a little slower than I expect but not enough to pull them up on that by itself. I would really appreciate some input from Slahdotters who have dealt with similar situations.
This is the point I was going to make (but I found it here before I got around to posting).
Zen. Take a breath. Then take another breath. Repeat. You don't need to solve this type of problem; you can simply stop having it by letting go of it.
I once worked as a liason to a company run by an amazing person. He jokingly refered to himself as "a type triple-A" personality. He got into a confrontation every five minutes or so, with anyone that was handy. I liked shouting matches.
His assistant was an even more amazing person; the calmest, sweetest person you'd ever care to meet. She was a buddhist. She just didn't engage with him; or rather, she engaged with him, instead of against him. It's hard to explain. It's not that she gave in, it's that she didn't fight. She was polite, reasonable, etc. and didn't mind him being however he wanted to be. It took all the wind out of his sails.
-- MarkusQ
...here all day.
then perhaps you should read some of George Hayduke's books.
We had a guy who spent half his day on some website checking his stocks. This was during the boom. We simply logged all outgoing web requests (the URL's) and the amount of traffic to the website and displayed them during a meeting when everybody was present. His website accounted for something like 40% of the traffic. We did not name names, but everyone knew he did this, and he knew it.
It stopped. He resigned after while, and the sad thing is he had made a boatload of money on the stock exchange!
Of course, this does not help when people are claiming that it is work. Then actually logging the content would be your only option which is at best intrusive and at worse illegal. Difficult case, but perhaps simply blocking the ports would help?
Who are the work-related people? Internal or external. If its internal there is no difference between this and colleagues who hang out in each other's cubicles all day.
The dangers of excessive individualism are nothing compared to the oppressiveness of excessive collectivism
'Dealing with Difficult People'
That is the name of a several hour long video seminar. When I worked at one company my department boss had us all watch it, it's quite good and can definitely help.
Also remember that in many companies Bosses' don't last more than 6 to 12 months before a reorg comes along and he's moved onto someplace else anyway.
Good Luck!
Throwing the Elephant - It's a great book on how to deal with management, and even on how to start to control your managers. It will also give you a few helpful hints on how to survive, and I'll give you the first one for free, give up hope of things ever getting any better, because they are only going to get worse.
How To Win Friends and Influence People - This book will give you a complete guide to being a very, very effective asskisser. Sometimes this is the only way, it will let you turn that arch-enemy of a boss into a friend. Hey, it might be the only way out.
...I have some personal experience in this area having worked for a terrible boss (who eventually was let go as a result of me taking some steps): Here's the set of rules I operated by
1. First person communication. Avoid talking behind others backs (especially your boss), deal with problems as directly as possible. Note that this does not mean "deal with the problem with as much hostility as possible." If you have a problem, talk to the person about it. If they are the passive-agressive type that might backlash on you...
2. Do not allow ambiguity, or "unspoken statements", or joking about you to fly when it comes from your boss. For instance, if you get shot a dirty look, you are indirectly attacked or joked about as being lazy, confront it immediately. (Again, this doesn't mean attack, it means confront). Often for passive-agressive personalities, this makes it more difficult for them to "hide their feelings" towards you and can help you to get to the root of the problem...
3. Log, and track everything you do, all the time. This always seems like a horrible thing to go through, but when dealing with someone who is divisive, or who is intentionally attacking you, it's the only way you can fight back. Often these people will tell you they "told you to do something", that they didn't tell you to do. If you have a log of what tasked with, in detail, it makes it difficult for them to say that you didn't do the work. I used to carry a small notepad with me every day...date it at the top...and write down notes as I did work. It shaved an hour of time right out of my day, but that hour would have been spent explaining why I didn't do things that I wasn't asked to do. Also keep track of any time you were treated unfairly, be very specific in case you have to defend your job at some point.
4. Find someone within the organization (the manager of the individual, if applicable) with which you can align yourself. Even if it is simply a coworker, having someone that can back you up in difficult situations can really help. This is all assuming you are not the problem...
5. Get to the root of why you are being treated the way you are. Is everyone in the department having a difficult time with this individual? Are specific people (such as friends of the individual) not having problems? If you are being treated unfairly (which I'm sure we all have at some point), you need to confront it. In my case, the person in question was acting unethically and didn't like the fact that I wouldn't go along with his choices (or state my agreement with them).
6. Understand the rules of your company, and what options you have for dealing with employee/manager conflict. This is a last resort, since once you choose to go down this road, you really can't return unless that person gets fired. If you get to this point, and you've been taking notes, you'll have a very well documented case to give to whomever you report the problem to. If you do choose to take this route, make sure you let your boss know after you do it... The person you reported this to will be surprised when he finds out that you have also notified the target of your complaint, it will serve to make you appear to be acting with the best of intentions in a difficult situation. Anticipate any backlash based on what you know about the person you are complaining about.
The bottom line in all of this is that you must act transparently in this situation, everyone (including the boss with the bad attitude) should know where you stand with them and should be able to tell where you will stand on any issue you deal with. Nobody should be able to question your motives or intent...they should just know them. You should be "advertising" your value through your actions.
Also...recognize that the world isn't fair, and sometimes even when you do what you're supposed to, someone with a bad attitude or suffering from a power-trip is going to win occasionally. As an employee, for the most part, you really have only one power to hold above your boss...the power to find new employment.
In my case, my boss was let go.
"God is dead!" - Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead!" - God
It's simple, and it's worked for decades:
How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.
It will never go out of date because it works. It may have stories about businessmen from the depression era, but it works.
You can't change your boss. You may only have marginally more of a chance changing your position. But you can change yourself, and How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the best first steps on that path.
Jeremy
Looking for a Python IRC bot?
So offensive was she that our normally sweet and joyful receptionist said that she'd have flattened this person if the person wasn't pregnant. The person had never heard of our portion of the industry until her interview, was only hired because she knew the CFO, and was on a mission to steadily remove our products' use by our own employees in our own company because she didn't comprehend them. Her mission also was to fire/quit anyone who was insubmissive to her. She had a moustache.
So I got a book called "How to Deal With Difficult Bosses", a sequel of sorts to "How to Deal With Difficult People". I had all kinds of hope when I first saw it! There were a few profiles that *almost* fit her. It turns out that all corrective measures are based on understanding and taking advantage of the person's redeeming professional qualities, whereas SHE HAD NONE.
So I just resorted to keeping the book laid out prominently on my desk. I left the company pretty soon after that.
The article didn't imply that the problem employee worked at a different location or department, so perhaps the title would be more correctly put as "Preventing/Resolving Intraoffice Conflict". It would have been fine (and slightly less pretentious) to just call it office conflict also. Not a big deal.
Warning: the above link is a scientology web site.
It's got a lot of other writings by Simon Travaglia as well.
Clicky-clicky.
I want to drag this out as long as possible. Bring me my protractor.
So was IBM at fault?
Or were you wrong to blame them in the first place?
MOD THIS UP INSIGHTFUL!!!!
Seriously, though: The only reason any job exists is to maximize shareholder value.
If the business structure is other than "C-Corporation" or "S-Corporation," then you can make a suitable substitution for the word "shareholder," but it's the same idea.
PS [for the grandparent] - You said: [I]t's YOUR job to do what they say.
I say: What are you, somebody's slave? If Massuh says "Jump," do you say "How high?"
It shaved an hour of time right out of my day, but that hour would have been spent explaining why I didn't do things that I wasn't asked to do.
Let me guess: You worked for the goverment?
In Soviet Russia the insensitive clod is YOU!
It could take a couple of months, but in general a "particularly unpleasant person" is their own worst enemy.
I do not deploy Linux. Ever.
You know, there's this kid I work with... the first day he came on board and met all of us, we on QA Team were all about ready to kill him. He was obnoxious, insulting and constantly name-dropping about "friends" with different companies of high-standing.
:'(
I finally took the time to actually talk to him about his interests, and once he'd actually warmed up to me, he really settled down, seemed self-conscious about the same faults I had noticed. It was then that I realized he wasn't an asshole, just a nervous dork... kind of like me, except I'm more cynical.
The poor bastard was being such a jerk-off, because he wanted to be liked. He was just being desperate.
Now I know that even though this cat has more experience in QA than me and has worked in the industry longer than I have, he's actually more clueless and fucked up than I've been since my balls dropped.
I still think he's a jackass, but he's my friend the jackass.
Voodoo Girl is the bomb!
Time to start studying NLP:
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http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/072
I really believe that if the conflict can't be settled with a good pair of talks, with the all cards on the table, it will only get worst.
My advice is: play his game, be nice to him and meanwhile find another job. Quick. Yes, it's not fair but life isn't aways fair.
I've been on this situation twice and once I was able to settle everything down and in another the things became so nasty that I just gave up one morning and, even without another job in sight, I quit. It was just impossible to work another day.
Scientia est Potentia
If you work for a company that has an HR department, go directly there, and tell them that you want to resolve the issue. Any larger company will have a way to handle this.
If nothing else, this puts you on the record as wanting to resolve the issue, so that should things escallate, and you get fired by said person (as happened to me), HR has a record of the issue. I was informed later, as I had not complained through the proper chain, that I had nothing to support a claim of harrassment by my boss, etc, and being in DC, a 'right to work' area (which means 'right to fire', for the most part, they're allowed to fire people without cause, as they see fit.
Hell, at this point, depending on how severe it is, you might be better off going to a lawyer, and asking them. (you might look into some of the pre-paid legal offerings, which are similar to insurance for needing a lawyer.)
Build it, and they will come^Hplain.
This sort of thing is a common problem in small businesses.
Mea navis aericumbens anguillis abundat
Google Cache of the full text of Sun Tzu's The Art of War
Glonoinha the MebiByte Slayer
First of all - you make it sound like you are making enough money to be worth sticking around in a bad situation for 1 to 2.5 years. Unless you are talking six digits, it probably isn't. If you are worthy of having a submission approved on slashdot, you are probably technically adept enough to find another job.
... you are partially responsible. The interview process goes both ways and I have walked away from more than one position because of the lack of chemistry. You pick your boss just as much as your boss picks you. Same deal with a lateral within your company.
Second - unless you were in a peachy arrangement with the company and they assigned the new boss to run your group
Finally, if you think you are going to last 30 months under an abusive boss, you are sadly mistaken. If the boss is harsh on the entire group, he will be replaced. If you are the only one he doesn't get along with, you are being singled out for a reason (even if the reason is simply conflicting personalities.) If you have already had a face to face behind closed doors (regardless of who initiated it) to discuss the friction between the two of you and it didn't get resolved, then you are already being replaced behind the scenes. Get out now, whether you lateral to another position in the company or get hired on at another company. You will do a LOT better for yourself if you are still employed when you are looking for your next company.
Glonoinha the MebiByte Slayer