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Steve Jobs Undergoes Cancer Surgery

Zycom writes "Reuters reports that doctors successfully removed a cancerous tumor from the pancreas of Apple CEO Steve Jobs. In an e-mail he sent out from his hospital bed after the surgery he explained the disease, saying, "I had a very rare form of pancreatic cancer called an islet cell neuroendocrine tumor, which represents about 1 percent of the total cases of pancreatic cancer diagnosed each year, and can be cured by surgical removal if diagnosed in time (mine was)." He will not need to have any chemotherapy or radiation therapy and has an excellent prognosis. While he is recuperating, Tim Cook, head of worldwide sales and operations, will run the company."

45 of 413 comments (clear)

  1. Alrighty then! by erick99 · · Score: 5, Funny
    Jobs was informed, prior to surgery, that there were no user serviceable parts within his pancreas but he could have his pancreas refurbished/rebuilt for a reasonable fee.

    Cheers!

    Erick

    --
    http://www.busyweather.com/
    1. Re:Alrighty then! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      That's Apple alright. He couldn't go with the standard pancreatic cancer, instead opting for the proprietary form.

    2. Re:Alrighty then! by EverDense · · Score: 5, Funny

      I have a prediction:

      Bill Gates will get cancer in about 10 years time.
      He will then file a slew of patents, like he was
      the first head of a major computing corporation
      to ever have it.

      All the Apple-ites will then point out that Steve
      Jobs had cancer, 10 years before Bill Gates.

      The more historical pedantic will then point out
      that the head of Xerox had cancer back in the 70s.

      --
      http://jesus.everdense.com/
    3. Re:Alrighty then! by ericdano · · Score: 2, Funny
      --
      It's either on the beat or off the beat, it's that easy.
      I moderate therefore I rule!
      --
    4. Re:Alrighty then! by dnahelix · · Score: 1, Funny

      I've always thought those Xerox machines made a funny smell...

      --
      Slashdot Eds Link Anonymous Posts With Logged Posts
      They Are Vermin Feeding On Each Other's Feces.
      I Hate \.
    5. Re:Alrighty then! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Steve has announced generation five of his pancreas, and is also announcing his Pancreas Mini. The best thing is, he can have his pancreas in funky colors now.

    6. Re:Alrighty then! by danamania · · Score: 3, Funny

      ...and couldn't resist putting a bit of a spin on it.

    7. Re:Alrighty then! by kdogg73 · · Score: 3, Funny

      I understand that Microsoft is flipping for the bill on Steve's treatment. Spare no expense for their ongoing idea source.

      --
      Let's face it, most of us are scoffers. But moments before zero hour, it does not pay to take chances.
  2. now watch Gates copy him by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    and remove his anus

    1. Re:now watch Gates copy him by squidinkcalligraphy · · Score: 4, Funny

      Then where would Microsoft pull its software from?

      --
      "I think it would be a good idea" Gandhi, on Western Civilisation
  3. Virex 7.2 caught it. by SYFer · · Score: 5, Funny

    Your virus definitions (DAT files) were last updated June 09, 2004, and may be out of date. Please download and install new ones as soon as possible.

    Your virus definitions were last updated on July 21, 2004, and appear to be up to date.

    Cleaning Scan started at 2004-08-01 20:04:43 -0700Scanning /Users/steve/pancreas/*
    Scanning file /Users/steve/pancreas/cells.org...

    Summary report on /Users/steve/pancreas/*
    File(s)
    Total files: ... 50
    Clean: ... 49
    Not scanned: ... 0
    Cleaned: ... 1

    Congratulations, Steve jobs! Huzzah! LiveSTRONG!

    --
    "...all the labours of the ages, all the devotion, all the inspiration, all the noonday brightness..." yada yada
  4. Nothing like cancer... by nmoog · · Score: 5, Funny

    To keep the "funny" posts away.

  5. Correction by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    It was iSurgery for an iCancerous iTumor.

  6. If I were the surgeon... by TiMac · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...I don't think I'd be able to resist the temptation to say "By the way, I'm a hardcore Windows fan" right as he went under anesthesia. Then tell him the truth when he came back around.

    --

  7. RDF by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    I guess too much RDF causes cancer....

  8. Apple is Doomed! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Obligatory Apple is Doomed Comment.

  9. I Wonder... by Op7imus_Prim3 · · Score: 4, Funny

    was the operation covered under Applecare?

  10. New Study shows by Cyberglich · · Score: 3, Funny

    That droping acid to design new computer poducts causes cancer.

  11. What!? by xpurple · · Score: 5, Funny

    You mean he's not immortal!?

    --
    http://www.xpurple.com
    1. Re:What!? by Shky · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well quite clearly he is.

      --
      CC Licensed Serialized Story and Podcast: Ingenioustries
  12. cancerous tumor? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Reuters reports that doctors successfully removed a cancerous tumor from the pancreas of Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

    They called it Microsoft.

    Yeah, yeah, cancer isn't funny. But karma whoring overcomes all.

  13. c'mon by giampy · · Score: 2, Funny

    there must have been some pieces of APPLE somewhere there !!!

    --
    We learn from history that we learn nothing from history - Tom Veneziano
  14. Double-take by mikeophile · · Score: 5, Funny

    While he is recuperating, Tim Cook, head of worldwide sales and operations, will run the company.

    Am I the only one who read the word "run" as "ruin" on first read?

  15. Seriously, folks by justin_saunders · · Score: 4, Funny

    This is a good time to reflect on our own mortality.

    For all the whining, posing, Microsoft/Apple/Linux bashing we do; for all the work related stress we put up with and all the missed opportunities to spend time with loved ones; we only have a limited time on Earth.

    The most important thing is....
    ..eh who cares. I JUST WANNA PLAY DOOM 3.

    And get well Steve. Take the time off to think about how great a colour iPod with bluetooth would be.

    cheers,
    Justin.

    --

    "My cat's breath smells like cat food." - The Tao of Ralph Wiggum.
  16. Oh, and one more thing... by tm2b · · Score: 4, Funny

    I find it interesting the way it was all handled, outside of stock trading hours.

    I wonder if his doctor had a dark enough sense of humor to say something like,
    "Well, we got your test results back. Your liver is fine, your heart is great, and your pulmonary health is excellent.
    Oh, and one more thing..."

    Great to hear he'll be fine.

    --
    "It is our blasphemy which has made us great, and will sustain us, and which the gods secretly admire in us." - Zelazny
  17. Well You Know What They Say.... by Snagle · · Score: 5, Funny

    An apple a day keeps the cancer away.....oh....guess not.

    Get well soon steve

  18. Ah-ha! by iamdrscience · · Score: 2, Funny

    If an apple a day truly kept the doctor away then this never would have happened. I knew that saying was just marketing hype.

  19. Whaaa!! by krel · · Score: 1, Funny

    Holy shit! My heart nearly stopped when I read the headline! STEVE is the glue that holds the world together; if He were to (somehow?) die, everything man ever created, everything that has ever been important to the entirety of the human race would be instantly, violently destroyed!
    STEVE is much more than a feeble that He is. STEVE is literally everything, and thus everything is STEVE. If STEVE were to be undone, so would all of creation.
    Which ever doctor banished that satanic tumor deserves an annual day of celebration.

    --
    karma: ouch!
  20. rumor sites by SuperBanana · · Score: 4, Funny
    Reuters reports that doctors successfully removed a cancerous tumor from the pancreas of Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

    Thus dispelling rumors circulating for days (on MacOSRumors et al) that Steve was:

    • Getting his penis enlarged
    • undergoing liposuction
    • having a gender-change operation (both sexes, for compatibility)
    • having breast implants installed

    ....and of course, various other unsubstantiated rumors not worth mentioning (everyone figured out the bionic legs were bogus right away).

  21. Re:Steve is now a Type-1 Diabetic :-( by Performaman · · Score: 0, Funny

    I guess he'll introduce an Apple Insulin pump now. But it will only take proprietary, Apple-approved GRM (Genetic Rights Management) insulin, which you can buy for 99 cents per injection, or pay $9.99 for an entire day's worth.

    --

    I have gas, but my car uses petrol.
  22. Jobs used the wrong hospital by green+pizza · · Score: 4, Funny

    Jobs should have had these folks work on his pancreas, he would have saved a bundle!

    http://www.ipodbattery.com/

  23. Re:A link to his letter by daviddennis · · Score: 4, Funny

    I wish Steve all the best, but I had to laugh at this line at the end of his letter:

    PS: I'm sending this from my hospital bed using my 17-inch PowerBook and an Airport Express.

    That's our Steve, always promoting his products!

    Of course that doesn't mean they're not great, and he doesn't have every right to do so, because they is and he does. But somehow I had to laugh, perhaps at his resiliance more than anything else. Life goes on, right?

    D

  24. haha what? by vena · · Score: 4, Funny

    PS: I'm sending this from my hospital bed using my 17-inch PowerBook and an Airport Express.

    dude's in the hospital and still manages a plug. bravo, mate.

    1. Re:haha what? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Airport Express has been found to cause cancer if kept too close.

  25. An Apple a day.... by DigiShaman · · Score: 3, Funny

    ...keeps the doctor away. Opps.. maybe he stood to close to the Windows®

    --
    Life is not for the lazy.
  26. Jobs' Dirty Secret by OrthodonticJake · · Score: 5, Funny

    Jobs' Unreplaceable Pancreas Lasts Only 588 Months!!

    --
    I regularly report MSN spam to the Hotmail admins.
  27. Words Steve didn't want to hear as he went under. by nlinecomputers · · Score: 4, Funny

    Damn. It blue screened AGAIN?

    --
    Slashdot, home of supporters of free software, free music, and free speech.Except for Moderators that disagree with you.
  28. Nah, he'll never get rid of Ballmer. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    I couldn't resist. It was futile.

  29. Windows Kills by M51DPS · · Score: 2, Funny

    In other news, Steve Jobs dies an untimely death Monday morning when one of the hospitals computers, running Microsoft Windows, suffers a minor "glitch" and prescribes an overdose of medication. Investigations are still underway.

  30. Re:A Wake Up Call? by phrasebook · · Score: 5, Funny

    Live your life as if you are going to be dead tomorrow.

    Okay that makes sense. Here is my plan for every day of the rest of my life:

    7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
    8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
    afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
    night: go look at the stars, or something

    7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
    8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
    afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
    night: go look at the stars, or something

    7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
    8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
    afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
    night: go look at the stars, or something

    7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
    8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
    afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
    night: go look at the stars, or something

    7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
    8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
    afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
    night: go look at the stars, or something

    7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
    8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
    afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
    night: go look at the stars, or something ...

  31. Taking up a PayPal collection... by cabra771 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Ok everybody, let's get together and buy Steve an iPod to cheer him up a little.

    --

    -my other sig is your mom
  32. Poor Tim by victor_the_cleaner · · Score: 4, Funny

    So how many times do you think Steve is going to be checking in on Tim? I say he gets about 5-10 calls per day, then of course Steve will show up for un-announced visits.

    I certainly hope there is not a single slip-up when Steve is gone, otherwise Tim is out the door in September.

  33. Re:I like Apple products by hkb · · Score: 2, Funny

    Actually, they're brushed metal, like Iron Man.

    --
    /* Moderating all non-anonymous trolls up since 2004 */
  34. Rumors by peteMG · · Score: 5, Funny
    Perhaps the next big thing coming up is:
    • Apple announces they'll be at some big medical conference
    • It's found out that Steve is giving the keynote
    • He talks about Apple's work in biotech and other scientific applications..
    • one more thing...
    • "We've developed a new piece of software. We call it 'Doctor'. Together with some beautiful new hardware, it can really do amazing things.. and I'd like to show it to you now."
    • cue video of a PowerBook
    • performing the cancer surgery
    • on steve
    • by itself
    • conference center thrown into chaos; Steve escapes by helicopter
    • international frenzy ensues. Apple stock rises 339948290580% (profit)

    Best wishes for luck and a speedy recovery.
  35. Something to Pass the Time by not_hylas(+) · · Score: 2, Funny

    Dear Steve,
    Here are a few things to help you pass the time (yes, we know you read Slashdot).
    You are for all intents and purposes "on mandatory holiday", make the most of it.
    We assume you have a Powerbook on your roll over table and some kind of mouse, so shoo everyone away and have 'em close the door.

    First update your OS, go to ...err, nevermind.

    Hmmmm, to get started, let's smack some penguins.

    http://henriluoma.net/pingu/

    If anyone comes in, go here on a tab in Safari, CLICK! lalalala-I'm doing business.

    http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8& pr ev=/search%3Fq%3DAAPL%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF -8%26sa%3DG&q=stocks:AAPL+

    OK, that's enough excitement, chill for a bit, this is a girl I used to know - made a few records back in the day, you might like it.

    http://www.universalrecords.com/quicktime/ediebr ic kell/

    OK, awake? Let's have some real fun, First, get a throw away email account.

    http://mail.yahoo.com/?.intl=us

    You know get a screen account name like "ByteMe!@yahoo.com"

    Set?
    So, ask yourself what have you wanted to say to some of these jokers on certain sites that you couldn't because, well, you haven't had the time?

    Go crazy. the Hospitals IP number IS temporary, right?

    (practice your maniacal laugh) It helps if you give the morphine drip a couple of sqeezes. :-) Having fun yet?

    Take a break, more music.

    http://corinnesmusic.com/

    (yeah, I like her)

    Back?

    What to do, what to do ... (tap, tap, tap).
    These guys are always fun:

    http://www.appleturns.com/

    Don't split a stitch Steve-o.

    Alrighty then, since your're pretty much left to your own devices here, I think the Army still has that free shoot 'em up on their site:

    http://www.americasarmy.com/

    I know you got the hang of it, so I'll be wishing you the best, get well, you know we love you.
    (Never mind the Bullocks ...)

    P.S. Ask for the ICE CREAM - they have it you know.

    --
    ~hylas