Slashdot Mirror
SCO Says 'Linux Doesn't Exist'
4A6F656C writes "In an article on LinuxWorld.com.au, Kieren O'Shaughnessy, director of SCO Australia and New Zealand, details SCO's plans for Australia, stating that they have 'prepared a hit list' and "would approach Australian Linux users to ensure they had an IP licence." In closing, he adds 'Linux doesn't exist. Everyone knows Linux is an unlicensed version of Unix'." UnknowingFool writes "IBM's lawyers have been busy the last few days. Groklaw has reported a number of different filings. On the heels of last week's motions (1) and (2) for summary judgement, they have filed more documents. First, IBM wants large portions of SCO's testimonies striken (removed) on multiple grounds. Deep in the motion, they call out SCO to produce the 'experts' that did the code comparison analysis. If IBM wins on most of these points, SCO will have very little left in the way of legal evidence. SCO answers on IBMs 10th counterclaim. IANAL but from I understand SCO says this copyright infringment that SCO has allegedly committed on one of IBM's patents is irrelevant to the case and the court doesn't need to decide on it. So SCO is saying that they can sue IBM for infringing on their Unix copyrights and patents but IBM can't counter sue on a specific patent. IBM also filed another memo to support summary judgement. As a matter of law, SCO has to produce evidence to backup its claims. This mountain of evidence SCO has claimed all this time: If they don't produce it, the court has to rule in IBM's favor."
SCO must figure if we can't own them or buy them then they must not exist!
...ever downwards.
The Army reading list
"SCO doesn't exist"!
I've been thinking this same thing. It's all relative, really. Just coneceptual ideals and data floating around in the aether, aspiring to the ideal form of Unix.
And for that matter, you guys don't exist when I close my eyes! Neener neener neener!
Dragging people kicking and screaming into reality since 1996.
What in the world have I been running over the last few years. Was the penguin just a figment of my imagination? Slashdot doesn't actually exist either? And Google?
They should have gone with denial before, not after hate.
Nothing to see here, move along
Edit: they fixed the link. Nevermind. ... like the body or the subject!)
Edit: No they didn't, I'm still getting weird errors
Cat got your tongue? (something important seems to be missing from your comment
Snickersnee3: Build your own 3-watt Luxeon Star headlamp from scratch
SCO: Do not try and use Linux. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth.
IBM: What truth?
SCO: There is no Linux.
IBM: There is no Linux?
SCO: Then you'll see that it is not Linux that you're using, it is only SCO Unix Openserver v. 5. And that will be $699 per CPU please or else you'll be hearing from our lawyers.
IANAL but from I understand SCO
You don't appear to be a writer either.
Hell, he did wonderful things for saddam ;-)
Iraqi Information Minister
[move
Is that why my computer wouldn't boot this morning?
That O'Shaughnessy bloke sure is one heck of a solipsist.
I hear there's rumors on the Slashdots
After saying that Linux doesn't exist, O'Shaughnessy then ran around the room with his fingers in his ears, yelling "lalalalalalalalalalalala... I can't hear you!"
Afterwards, he went on to discuss SCO's legal strategy of, "I am rubber, you are glue, what bounces off me sticks to you".
Stop by my site where I write about ERP systems & more
Well the real surprise will hit SCO when they find out australia doesn't exist.
this is the most important sig ever! In your face 446154!
If Linux doesn't exist, then Darl shouldn't object to the shoving of the aforementioned inexistent printed source code up his ass, right?
-- It's always darker before it goes pitch black.
There is no Linux!
It's GNU/Liunx!!!!!!!
When will you people learn?
Regards,
RS
Is this the forecasted meltdown of the Internet. Tell all the world that Linux doesn't exist, and whamo, no more Internet?
This is not the software you are looking for.
We can go about our business.
Move along.
There you have it. Linux doesn't exist. No need for a law suit then, right?
I think, therefore I am.
Linux computes, therefore it is.
But if SCO falls in a forest of futile legal filings, did it really make a sound or was that just wind breaking?
TLR
A man no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company
SCO (to everyone): "La La La La...I can't hear you, I can't hear you!"
Linux (to SCO): "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"
SCO (to AT&T): "Mom, Linux is poking me! Make him stop! Make him stop!"
They certainly would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids
Me neither.
Can... not... resist... Must... corrupt... HHGTTG quote...
"I refuse that Linux exists," says SCO, "for Linux denies Copyrights, and without Copyrights I am nothing."
"But," says Torvalds, "Open Source copyrights are a dead giveaway, aren't they? They could not have evolved by chance. In Linux they exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says SCO, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Torvalds, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.
Most leading software developers claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, 'Well That About Wraps It Up for SCO.'
+1 Insightful, -1 Troll. What can I say, I'm an Insightful Troll.
quote: "...almost an enterprise-class operating system."
Almost? In the same way that I'm "almost" alive? It's surely more 'almost' than some of the stuff being produced by the merchents more usually known as Microsoft.
Wow, this is almost a post.
Linux doesn't exist. Everyone knows Linux is an unlicensed version of Unix
-1 Troll
Small correction: It's GNU/Linux. And GNU's Not Unix.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
-- Pablo Picasso
Actually that was 6 month graph, stupid.
Today SCO on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one conciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as Linux, life is only dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather
SCO concluded by saying the "moon doesn't even exist", "everybody knows it is just an unlicenced copy of the Earth" which SCO claim was stolen when a large Mars sized body crashed into Earth some years ago.
He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.
This guy spent thirty seconds writing "What chair?" ?
God: Nietzsche is dead
SCO: Linux is dead.
..a bit later:
Linux: SCO is dead.
I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and dial again.
to who? SCO Australia Ltd?
"Piter, too, is dead."
And the letter after the 'd' is 'u'. It is most defninitely not an 'i'. Although, if he were misquoted and it was SUPPOSED to be an 'i', it would make more sense considering the state of their legal case at the moment.
"The legitimate powers of government extend only to such acts as are injurious to others." Thomas Jefferson.
"Linux doesn't exist." --Sco
Does anyone find this last quote vaguely reminiscent of the writings of the atheist philosopher Nietzsche? This reminds me alot of the popular quote made by him that goes, "God is dead."
"God is dead." --Nietzsche.
"Nietzsche is dead." -- God
Likewise:
"Linux doesn't exist. Everyone knows Linux is an unlicensed version of Unix. " --Sco
"Sco doesn't exist. Everyone knows OpenServer is an unlicensed version of Unix." --Tux
"It took us 25 years to build our business and it took [IBM] four years simply by stealing code and then giving it away free."
Wow. IBM, a company that stretched back 108 years, only built a business in this last 4 years?
Perhaps if SCO had studied under Pai Mei they wouldn't be in this situation.
Coherant is one. I have the software and the book for this non-existant OS that I bought in the early 90s. Minix is another but has been used to "prove" that the first Linux kernel couldn't have been written by one person. So perhaps Minix exists after all.
Then there is Xenix. SCO sold that for years after Microsoft sent it their way. Bill Gates hasn't mentioned Xenix in a long time so it must not exist either.
But if Linux doesn't exist, what was Caldera selling all those years (before it became SCO)?
No one ever had to evacuate a city because the solar panels broke!
Not to be outdone by SCO, IBM quickly came back with
I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.
SCO lawyers:
Yeah, well you're all stupid.
IBM lawyers:
I know you are... but what am I.
SCO laywers(amongst themselves):
Damn, that was good one. Do we have anything else? (shuffle through papers) How 'bout "Our dads can beat up your dads"? No. Try this.
SCO laywers(to IBM):
You're mom!
Slashdot Syndrome: the sudden, extreme urge to correct someone in order to validate one's self.
...SCO executives announce that, "There is no spoon."
ME:
SCO:
ME: You can go about you're business...
SCO: You can go about you're business...
ME: Move along...
SCO: Move along, move along...
Gosh, I was wondering where the Iraqi Information Minister went...
"There is no Linux here!! It is LIES, from the mouth of the evil Stallman!! It is all a Zionist conspiracy against the brave people of Utah! The people are united undet the benevolent and loving rule of Darl McBride, who shall lead us to glorious victory against the heathen penguins!! The infidels shall commit suicide against the walls of our bullshit!!
Every man and boy in Utah is ready to resist the invading horde of penguins with his life! We have held them off, and are slaughtering them like sheep on the shores of our Greeat Salt Lake! There are no Linuxes within Salt Lake City, as we defeat the avian aggressors and drive them from their homes! Our lawyers are mercilessly cutting them down as we speak, any reports of Novell or IBM winning are lies! LIES!!!
SCO is great! Praise be to SCO! There is no UNIX but SCO!!"
I think Darl read too much in Linus' announcement, a while ago, that Santa Claus invented Linux...
If Santa Claus does not exist, he cannot have possibly invented Linux! I can't wait to submit this new evidence in court!
A need for more than 640k
a Windows Monopoly
HTTP 404 errors
The Darl: - Humph. /root, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
Tux: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.
I believe it's a cricket reference.
Is our lingo outsourced these days too?
# ping linux.org
linux.org is alive
# ping sco.com
I'll let you know when I get the answer -- if I ever!
"Linux does not exist" --SCO
"SCO's case does not exist" --IBM
Coming soon...
"SCO does not exist" --Wall Street
--GrouchoMarx
Card-carrying member of the EFF, FSF, and ACLU. Are you?
It's a tribute. TSG're stuck at the physical level, we've been virtual for some time now, so far transcendent above mere hardware that it's as if we don't exist. (-:
I wrote IDG a nastygram about the article. A copy of it's on the GrokLaw page.
Got time? Spend some of it coding or testing
but I just can't shove my head up my butt that far.
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
If they tell themselves 12 times a day:
"Linux doesn't exist. Linux doesn't exist...."
It's bound to come true.
Everybody knows it's the evil mini-me version of a bigger evil company.
So now let's sue IBM for..... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!
Privacy is terrorism.
root@honningsvag root # uname -a
an unlicensed version of Unix honningsvag 2.6.7-gentoo-r7 #1 Mon Jul 12 18:45:05 CEST 2004 i686 Intel(R) Pentium(R) 4 Mobile CPU 1.80GHz GenuineIntel GNU/an unlicensed version of Unix
SCO: If we pester the blue behemoth in court, and thus bring their stock price down, they will offer to buy us, and we can use this Linux thing to inflate our stock price.
IBM: SCO is trying to inflate their stock price while while we deal with their legal issues. Lets use our resources to tie them up in court until Nasdaq kicks them off the exchange, then we can buy up the remains of the company. Oh, and collect a group of people infront of the office. We'll send Daryl a picture of us flipping the bird at him.
I'm going to go back in my box and will think within the limits of my box: MS Sucks Linux Good I read too much Slashdot.
You know they're done when their last option is the Jedi Mind Trick.
br
Irony delimiter?
"When I grow up, I want to be a weirdo"
Because Linux Is Not UNIX. and GNU is Not UNIX either.
Linux does not exist.
In the universe, there may be an infinite number of stars which may yield an infinite number of galaxies which may yield an infinite number of solar systems which may yield an infinite number of planets which may yield an infinite number of planets with an infinite number of life-forms.
Since infinity does not exist [in the context of a number system], then we do not exist.
Since we do not exist then Unix was never invented.
Since Humans invented Unix and humans do not exist, Unix was never invented and Linux was never invented.
Therefore, Linux does not exist, as was to be shown.
If you do what you always did, you get what you always got.
Gee life is a bunch of disappointments. First I found out Santa was really daddy and now SCO tells me Linux doesn't exist!
I think I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me when this is over.
Darl would have called Pai Mei a "Foolish old man" and had his eyeball plucked out.
I'm trying to teach myself to set people on fire with my mind... Is it hot in here?
SCO won't exist.
LK
"Hi. This is my friend, Jack Shit, and you don't know him." - Lord Kano
SCO has yet to hire Fran Tarkenton as spokesperson. That should give them one last spike in perceived value.
There are plenty of kernels. Very few Linus Torvalds.
Let me guess - he doesn't exist either?
---
"I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything that I thought it could be."
What grade did an answer of "Why Not?" get?
The only reason we have the rights we have is that people just like us died to gain those rights. -- Cheerio Boy
ObHHG Passage:
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.
Rule #1 -- Politics always trumps technology.
Hell, as stupid as he is, Darl would have done it twice.
And in other news, SCO, today, claimed the world was indeed flat.
From a thread on the Yahoo SCOX board where the challenge is to come up with the best joke that starts with "Darl, Chris and Blake walk into a bar. . ."
Darl, Chris and Blake walk into a bar.
The waitress says, "Darl, you have a telegram waiting, its the quarter-end results." Darl happily takes the telegram and tosses it on to the bar's grill, where it bursts into flames.
The waitress comes back and says, "Darl, you have a phone call. Its an industry analyst." Darls walks over to the phone, and while talking, he pivots in a circle until the call is complete, then returns.
Finally, the waitress announces, Darl, you have a fax coming in. Darl gets up, and backs slowly toward the machine, rips off the page, and returns to the booth.
Blake looks at Chris and says, "I understand the part where Darl habitually cooks the numbers and spins a tale, but what was that last thing?" Chris says, "Oh that? He'll never ever face the fax."
(:) 2004, the Tubby Nuisance Network.
"All wrongs preserved."
Good one SCO! I haven't laughed that much since you declared the GPL invalid. XD
The Iraqi Information Minister will be handling all of SCO's public relations from now on.
just have to say that the agnostic was probably just as apalled at a slashdotter's inability to recognize the lack of logic in that joke.
Now these are funny:
A scientist was riding around with his wife in a steamer trunk when he stops at a police roadblock. The policeman comes over and explains to the scientist that they are searching all buggies because of a recent theft. The policeman asks him if he would mind opening the trunk. the scientist complies and immediately the policeman draws his weapon and screams, "Sir, you have a dead woman in your trunk!" Schrodinger replies back, "Well, *now* she is."
------
and in juxtaposition to the Nieztsche joke:
What do you call a man chewing on his palms?
Jesus biting his nails.
(it's better done visually)
- if this doesn't get posted I ask why is it ok to make fun of atheists or agnostics (Nietzsche joke) and not to make fun of christians?
answer: because christians kill people over jokes.
woo hoo that was funny.
Looks like he was on to something!
We know from the FSF that Linux = GNU/Linux
Multiplying both terms by Linux: Linux x Linux = Linux * GNU/Linux
Simplifying: Linux^2 = GNU
Since Linux is a kernel, it stands to reason: (Linux Kernel)^2 = GNU Kernel
or: Linux Kernel = SQRT(GNU Kernel)
Since the GNU Kernel is vaporware, the Linux Kernel cannot exist!
I'm Erwin Schrodinger and I approve of this message, and I do not approve of this message!
One final tip that may save you lawyer fees: I don't think you can claim any IP over the process of deep fat frying or cooking ground beef.
Those guys need to read up on different methods of ritual suicide so they can decide which one they prefer once they lose their collective asses in the court systems.
Steve's Computer Service, Hobbs, NM