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Is "Marketingspeak" Killing Technology?

An anonymous reader writes "In this essay titled, inevitably, "SUNset?" an analogy is drawn between the car industry in Detroit, which failed in the 70s because the execs looked out their windows and saw nothing but American cars and so missed completely the threat from Japanese companies, and Sun Microsystems. "Sun is going to fail in this decade if it does nothing but send out surveys to customers asking them to validate marketing phrases of Sun's creation," says the author. He adds: "If you are someone who never gets tired of hearing 'proven,' 'best-of-breed,' 'cost-effective,' or 'taking the surprise out of business solutions,' then contact Sun and demand as much of their current marketing material as they can muster." But it isn't just Sun, surely. This is a failing of technology marketeers in general. Hmm, doubtless we can all come up with our own examples far equally awful as these from Sun. Who can come up with worse?"

126 of 487 comments (clear)

  1. fuk yeah. by torpor · · Score: 4, Interesting


    the creation of incoherent language was the first technology. its been downhill since then.

    --
    ; -- the corruption of government starts with its secrets. a truly free people keep no secrets. --
    1. Re:fuk yeah. by logic+hack · · Score: 4, Funny

      lol, wtf? stfu noob! rofl ^_^

    2. Re:fuk yeah. by ackthpt · · Score: 4, Funny
      the creation of incoherent language was the first technology. its been downhill since then.

      Sounds like they need Language Solutions

      --

      A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
    3. Re:fuk yeah. by gfody · · Score: 3, Funny

      Globally
      |
      Unified
      Network
      Integration
      Techno logies

      Professional
      Innovative
      Marketing
      Pro grams

      Solutions
      Targeting
      Your
      Loyalty
      Ente rprises

      --

      bite my glorious golden ass.
    4. Re:fuk yeah. by FLEB · · Score: 2, Funny

      Ahh, just call it Fire-somethin-or-other.

      --
      Information wants to be free.
      Entertainment wants to be paid.
      You just want to be cheap.
    5. Re:fuk yeah. by Deraj+DeZine · · Score: 2, Funny

      This article highlights the need for a change in marketing language and I think that an industry-wide switch to ebonics is just what the market doctor ordered. Software developers could immediately begin to start selling overpriced software to the lucrative "wigger" segment; they obviously have more money than they should ever rightfully need.

      --
      True story.
    6. Re:fuk yeah. by jonadab · · Score: 2, Funny

      As one of the premier innovators of language solutions worldwide, I would like
      to offer them this one-time opportunity to re-invent themselves in a new,
      total-quality paradigm, by securing my first-tier services. My language
      solutions include the following unparalleled services:
      * Utilize esoteric language units in unprecedented ways.
      * Promote agglutinative team dynamics in your workforce to promote a robust
      bottom-up holistic synergy and a fault-tolerant expectations paradigm.
      * Leave your audience bemused and transfixed as they inefficaciously undertake
      to apprehend your loquacious linquistic excursions.
      * Redefine the use of language solutions in your industry and raise the
      bar for language solutions among your competitors.
      * Impart inappreciable quanta of enlightenment.

      --
      Cut that out, or I will ship you to Norilsk in a box.
  2. Worse? by savagedome · · Score: 4, Funny

    Who can come up with worse?

    This thread is quickly going to be "That's nothing. This one time..."

    1. Re:Worse? by DrEldarion · · Score: 5, Funny

      ... at band camp?

    2. Re:Worse? by generic-man · · Score: 5, Funny

      That's nothing. This one time, I saw a well-known web site use the phrase "far equally awful as these" in an article. I'm not sure what they meant by that.

      --
      For more information, click here.
    3. Re:Worse? by bhima · · Score: 4, Funny

      ... with a flute!

      --
      Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
    4. Re:Worse? by ackthpt · · Score: 5, Funny
      This thread is quickly going to be "That's nothing. This one time..."

      One time??? One?!?!?

      You cannot make this stuff up!

      --

      A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
    5. Re:Worse? by MarsDefenseMinister · · Score: 5, Funny

      I innovated a partnership paradigm with a flute!

      --
      No weapon in the arsenals of the world is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men.-Ronald Reagan
    6. Re:Worse? by NeoSkandranon · · Score: 3, Funny

      "one time, at band camp..." stories go alot better when people know you played tenor sax =P

      --
      If you can't see the value in jet powered ants you should turn in your nerd card. - Dunbal (464142)
    7. Re:Worse? by los+furtive · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Theocracy: A government ruled by or subject to religious authority.

      This statement is simply not true.

      I'll bite. First the parent's sig says that America is ...fast becoming a...theocracy, it ain't yet, but it's fast becoming one. Lets start with a few choice quotes from GWB, and we'll let the audience decide:

      • "God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did..." - GWB to Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas

      • "Our nation has been chosen by God and commissioned by history, to be a model of justice before the world."

      • "I believe God has called us into action. Our country has got a responsibility, we are a great nation, we are a wealthy nation, we have a responsibility to help a neighbour in need, a brother and sister in crisis." -GWB in July 2003 in Uganda

      Now, I'm not saying that what GWB is saying is bad (I'm certainly won't say it is good though), but if the USA is such a secular state, why is God's name brought up when it comes to Foreign Policy and Foreign Aid decisions? And don't give me that all encompassing "one God" crap, because although some religions believe in that, not all do, and some of us don't believe in a God at all. So if the USA is truly secular, why mention God?

      Oh, and I don't know where you get off thinking that the religion that gets given the hardest time is Christianity. The religion that lost all of its unfairly earned priviledges is Christianity (e.g. loss of prayer in school, loss of slavery (yes, slavery is something advocated by the bible), loss of homosexual persecution), but it is just recent propaganda to say it has had the hardest time when compared to all the other religions that are practiced in the USA.

      I'll agree with you that the USA is about the freedom of religion, but you are blind and ignorant if you deny that the current US government does not lean a certain amount of favour towards Christianity above and beyond what is acceptable in a secular state.

      --

      I'm a writer, a poet, a genius, I know it. I don't buy software, I grow it.

    8. Re:Worse? by shawb · · Score: 2, Funny

      I read that and assumed it was supposed to be a play on a line from Animal Farm: "All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others." But then again I had a roomate who, after shutting his finger in a cabinet door, shouted "triple plus ungood."

      --
      I'll never make that mistake again, reading the experts' opinions. - Feynman
  3. Mature industry by pradeepsekar · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Are these signs of a mature industry which is in need of a disruptive change in the market to shake it up?

    1. Re:Mature industry by dcphoenix · · Score: 5, Funny

      Only if we follow through by creating a whole new paradigm (sp?) in which employees are empowered to leverage their abilities and thus work smarter, not harder.

    2. Re:Mature industry by MCraigW · · Score: 2, Funny

      Yes, where I work, we're doing more with nothing.

    3. Re:Mature industry by infinite9 · · Score: 5, Funny

      I was given this by a coworker during a project being run by andersen consulting (now accenture). In my opinion, they are the masters of this kind of bullshit, the the following joke about chickens crossing the road. Appologies to the (unknown to me) author:

      Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Accenture, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.

      Accenture convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Accenture consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge management, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.
      Accenture helped the chicken change to become more successful.

      --
      Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.
    4. Re:Mature industry by jafomatic · · Score: 5, Funny
      This looks good, but change all uses of "helped," to "facilitated."

      Thanks, and make sure to carbon each VP and appropriate secretaries.

      --
      ::jafomatic
    5. Re:Mature industry by Eric+Sharkey · · Score: 2, Funny

      ...creating an impactful environment...

      I'd think the last thing you'd want when architecting a road crossing would be an impactful environment...

    6. Re:Mature industry by upside · · Score: 3, Funny

      Excellent. Also, swap "change" for "transition".

      --
      I'm sorry if I haven't offended anyone
    7. Re:Mature industry by VendettaMF · · Score: 5, Interesting

      *waves*
      Current Accenture code drone here. Just for the record, any employee of Accenture who includes the name "Andersen" (or even "Anderson") interchangeably in any communication internally or externally like you just did ("...Andersen helped the chicken use...") can expect a visit from the internal newspeak police at best, and (far more commonly) hideous termination (refer to tome IV of the employee contract for details) on surprisingly short notice...

      --
      kartune85 : Incapable of reason, observation or learning. A kind of dim, drab, flightless parrot.
    8. Re:Mature industry by jafomatic · · Score: 2, Funny
      Concur. Consider a substitution of "dialogue," for every instance of "meeting."

      --
      ::jafomatic
    9. Re:Mature industry by jonadab · · Score: 4, Funny

      So basically you're saying that we need to follow up our action opportunity
      by revisiting our objectives and re-orienting our goals according to an
      open-source mindset so that we can pro-actively leverage agglutinative team
      dynamics and team-building best practices to create bottom-up holistic synergy
      through the empowerment and integration of key team players on the front lines
      of our sales and production demographics into our prioritized mind share, so
      as to focus everyone on the same page going forward in a fault-tolerant,
      results-driven, and robust expectations paradigm that will initiate strategic
      core competencies in our interpersonal assets management, foster win-win
      outside-the-box thinking in our targeted skill-set networking and group-to-group
      issues collaboration ecosystem, set us on a critical path to achieve total
      quality in our quality-driven, services-oriented resources management game
      plan, monetize the reusability of our top-down multitasking approach, and
      up-sell the competition in the new economy.

      --
      Cut that out, or I will ship you to Norilsk in a box.
    10. Re:Mature industry by Mateito · · Score: 2, Informative
      I can't lay me hand on the reference, but recently I came across some "team communication facilitations expert" who went about redefining "dialogue" as (paraphrased) "different from conversation in that dialogue activity includes all team members in the dicussion".

      No, wombat. Dialogue. Dia. Two. As in diametric, diagonal, diarrhea.

      If you want a word to describe an all-inclusive discourse, this aint it. Go back to wanking 101.

      If you don't understand basic word construction, I'm not going to trust your take in expanding that to whole sentences, let alone interraction.

    11. Re:Mature industry by legojenn · · Score: 2, Funny

      Wow, I don't know if you're joking or not with thispagraph, but I'm going to print it out and have it in my notebook thingy I use for meetings. If I ever get caught sleeping (again), I will just read what I see first. Thanks!

      --
      I make a reasonable middle-class wage by going to work and not spamming blogs with scams.
    12. Re:Mature industry by Hyperhaplo · · Score: 2, Insightful

      You forgot:

      The project was of course delivered on time (ie: 3 years after the completion date) and Accenture's three project managers received due bonus payments (read: Extortion money to leave and never come back) over the course of the project after each successful milestone (read: as the initial estimate blows out by 400% in terms of time and money required to finish the project) was reached.

      We picked the low hanging fruit in the adverse conditions of our client moving the goalposts constantly. We believe that we have increased the visibility of this goal orientated project in line with the expectations of our key stakeholders.

      We planned to under promise and over deliver and have come out on top effectively achiving the results in the Big Picture utilitizing the available skill sets of the frontline troops at the coal face.

      This is a win-win outcome for us due to our proactive, not reactive, project management using our unique client focus thinking outside the box with goal oriented strategic plan.

      This is full compliance with the Cane Toad Mentality (ie: We came, we saw, we ate the local wildlife, we used up all the resources, we left - leaving just enough of us behind to leech what is left forever).

      --
      You have a sick, twisted mind. Please subscribe me to your newsletter.
  4. Marketing by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Will never understand Technology.

    I find in every place I've worked that Marketing and Technology NEVER can agree on anything, so why should Sun be any different?

    1. Re:Marketing by jimfulton · · Score: 5, Insightful

      [Marketing] Will never understand Technology.

      Only for poor marketers and poor technologists.


      Good technology marketers often start out as as engineers who find they have a passion for evangelizing their creations. Similarly, the best technologists make the biggest impact on the world often because they are able to get people to immediately understand the value of what they create.


      The "field of dreams" approach usually ends up giving you a pile of dirt covered with weeds.

    2. Re:Marketing by Waffle+Iron · · Score: 4, Interesting
      A tiny minority of marketing people do understand technology. Over the decades, I've been involved with or close to just a couple of wildly successful projects. Each of these had highly talented marketing people who thoroughly understood both the market and how the products themselves worked in detail. Many of these people were ex-engineers themselves. (Usually they weren't "natural" engineers, but they were smart enough to get an engineering degree from a decent school, after which they realized that suitdom was their true calling in life).

      One of the keys to a successful engineering career is finding companies and projects with to-notch marketing and management teams. This is very difficult because of the extreme rarity of such situations. When you're doing job interviews or looking for new projects within a company, one of the best skills you can have is judging who is truly a talented product manager or marketeer, and who is just a bullshitter.

      Like it or not, you have to form a symbiotic relationship with marketing, management and production people to make an impact in engineering. If any part of the whole is below par, the whole effort is likely to fail. However, once in a while all of the contributors are competent, and those are the cases where you'll probably find the most success.

  5. I will reply shortly by Timesprout · · Score: 5, Funny

    Currently I am proactively generating a synergistic environment where I can bring to fruition a new paradigm in answering questions of this nature.

    --
    Do not try to read the dupe, thats impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth
    What truth?
    There is no dupe
    1. Re:I will reply shortly by tekiegreg · · Score: 4, Funny

      Let me translate this, as I'm a certified marketing to geek translator:

      "I'm re-decorating my cubicle with some new gadgets in order to pretend to myself that a cooler looking cube will make myself more productive and capable of answering technology related questions."

      --
      ...in bed
    2. Re:I will reply shortly by roman_mir · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yes, but that sentence actually makes sence. Here is what you should have said:

      I am proactively exploiting efficient paradigms that will allow to e-enable value-added infomediaries scalable to customized models to syndicate transparent mindshare, which in its turn disintermediates turn-key functionalities in order to reinvent extensible deliverables in answering the foreamentioned questions in a synergistic environment.

    3. Re:I will reply shortly by maxpublic · · Score: 2, Funny

      Funny, I translated this as:

      "I'm currently jacking off to porn in my cubicle. Once I'm done I'll waste some time on slashdot, write up something ignorant, and hope that people even dumber than I am mod me up as 'insightful'."

      Max

      --
      My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
    4. Re:I will reply shortly by Idarubicin · · Score: 4, Funny
      ...to e-enable value-added...

      That's not marketing jargon; that's a stutter.

      --
      ~Idarubicin
    5. Re:I will reply shortly by mrak+and+swepe · · Score: 2, Insightful

      It's good, but you missed out my favorite (in the sense of not-at-all-favorite) words:

      Envision - A nice catch-all which replaces 'see', 'visualize', 'envisage', 'imagine', etc.

      Leveraging - 'Leverage' is a noun in my book ('Collins Concise English Dictionary', since you ask). The verb is 'to lever', so presumably for 'leveraging', I should read 'levering', which usually doesn't make any sense at all.

      Utilize - What's wrong with 'use', for fuck's sake?!!

      Off of - Musn't really complain about this. I've learnt from /. that this is standard American usage, so to criticize would be flamebait.

  6. Those words mean what you think they mean by staaarship · · Score: 5, Funny
    "far equally awful"?


    That's unpossible!

  7. All I Know by The-Bus · · Score: 5, Insightful

    is that this is the only time I want to see the word "synchronicity" being used.

    --

    Small potatoes make the steak look bigger.

    1. Re:All I Know by Bozdune · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Right, but one has to feel sorry for the marketing drone who has to interview a bunch of nerds and figure out what the hell they've built. I've seen a lot worse than "synchronicity."

      Part of the blame is ours. Oftimes we don't take the time to educate the marketing people properly, and then we're "surprised" at the nonsense they generate. And, how many times have we code-named the new product something silly and funny, and then the marketing people have to come up with the "real" name? Talk about pass the buck.

      The answer is to get the technoids closer to the customer, and the marketing drones closer to the technoids. It is possible to "dumb it down" for a non-technical person -- really, it is. And there's plenty of technical bs out there along with the marketing bs. If I have to read another technology white paper that begins and ends with "we use J2EE" I think I'll puke. Let's feed the marketing folks some legitimate material, and maybe they'll be able to produce something that makes sense.

  8. Bullshit Detectors, ACTIVATE by YetAnotherName · · Score: 2, Funny

    People might find handy the equation posted in this comment.

  9. Got edge? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    I've been reaching for the bleeding edge of technology for so long, my fingers really hurt now...

  10. Working at a Marketing company by HackHackBoom · · Score: 4, Interesting

    We have a finely tuned bullshitometer here: My wife. She is so synical and sick and tired of the horsedung put out by marketers nowadays that I'm pretty conifident if I can get past her.

    --


    "It's not stealing if you don't get caught!"

    1. Re:Working at a Marketing company by renehollan · · Score: 2, Interesting

      My wife, OTOH, buys into bull too easily. I had HD cAble installed (while I run the structured cabling for satellite), and the installer was arguing that there is no "burn in" danger with letterboxed material on 4:3 sets. I said, "If you are so sure, but a note to that effect on the work order you'll ask me to sign and leave me a copy." Of course, he didn't, but my wife complained that I was being "difficult".

      --
      You could've hired me.
    2. Re:Working at a Marketing company by renehollan · · Score: 2, Informative
      Any static display on a monitor will tend to "burn in" or weaken the phosphor. You'd think this would not be a problem for black areas, which aren't driven, but they remain more sensitive over time than the area that has been driven constantly, and thus will eventually appear brighter.

      Newer sets are less prone to this than older ones, unless driven with a high contrast, but it does remain a problem: Every manual I've seen for a direct view CRT notes this and recommends not driving the display with such material more than 15% of the viewing time.

      Some sets try to counteract this by displaying grey letterboxed material instead of black, but many people find that more objectionable.

      --
      You could've hired me.
  11. ColorStream by renehollan · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Several years ago, I went looking for a new television, which was HD Ready. At the time, this meant having analog component video inputs: YPbPr and capable of accepting 720P and/or 1080i signals. There was no DVI (with HDCP), yet.

    So, I go into this store, and I ask about such TVs, and all the sales droids yammer on about Sony with "ColorStream!"

    WTF is ColorStream? Does that mean component video inputs, i.e. YPbPr that support 720P and 1080i inputs? "No," sales droid says, "ColorStream" gives you a better picture.

    It was only by requesting the manual for the set in which I was interested, that I could verify that ColorStream meant YPbPr. And even then, I had do refer to the specification summary page.

    I'm sure that many lost sales happen because some sales doofus doesn't know that the product they're flogging actually meets the customer's needs perfectly!

    --
    You could've hired me.
    1. Re:ColorStream by Astadar · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I bet more sales are made because people are impressed by "Now, with ColorStream!"

      Now THERE's the root of the problem.

      --
      --Coming up with something clever... please wait...
    2. Re:ColorStream by lukewarmfusion · · Score: 4, Insightful

      "I'm sure that many lost sales happen because some sales doofus doesn't know that the product they're flogging actually meets the customer's needs perfectly!"

      That's only if the customer actually knows their needs. Half the time the customer doesn't know what they need and will rely on the salesperson to tell them what they need. The other half (almost) the customers thinks they know what they need and will let the salesperson convince them that what they sell is what they need.

      The thing is, almost every salesperson will approach it from the viewpoint that what they're selling is exactly what the customer should buy. That's why you see people walk out of Best Buy with the wrong thing for the wrong system, all at the wrong price.

    3. Re:ColorStream by Retric · · Score: 3, Insightful

      My problem with market speak is it get's dated vary quickly. I know what max rez 1600x1200@85hz is and what going to 1600x1200@100hz does but WTF dos XVGA mean and is it better or worse than SVGA?

      Is that geforce 4 MX better or worse than a geforece 3? (worse) How about Radion 9800 vs X800?

      Now with CPU's we got a simple number that has some meaning within a product line 3.0Ghz vs 3.2Ghz? But what do I do when I want to pick up a TV? I now have HD vs non HD, projection vs flat screen, analog vs Digital, 720P and or 1080i. And they want me to know that ColorStream means what now? Look TV's are boxes give me a size / shape, resolution(s), and then show me the picture quality tell me a price and leave me the fuck alone.

      PS: Don't fuck with the settings I am going to reset them to base anyway and doing so just annoys me.

    4. Re:ColorStream by Gyorg_Lavode · · Score: 4, Interesting

      I used to sell computers. Being knowledgable for a long time I tried to just inform the consumer about the computers and let them pick what fit them. I quickly found out that was way too much for them. So I went to offering them 2 computers based on what they told me. I'd say, "if you want your sun to be able to play games or you feel you may want to edit video and movies, I suggest you get this more expensive one. If you are only going to work on documents and surf the web, then you probably will be fine spending less money and getting this one". And you know what? 90% of customers would leave completely confused about what they should buy. They wanted someone to say, "buy this computer" w/o any reason to. Or maybe something like, "it's got colorstream for better quality picture!" but they couldn't give 2 shits about the technology they were actually getting or what it was truely capable of and suited for.

      --
      I do security
  12. Example by Monokeros · · Score: 5, Funny
    See the third line of this quote:
    Conveniently located in the heart of Palmyra Atoll, eProvisia LLC is the leading provider of reliable, robust, powerful and cost-efficient spam filtering solutions for world-class corporations and individual users.

    Privately funded in 1993, now with customers in 40 countries* and over $67 million** in cash reserves, the company experienced a phenomenal growth and continues to aggressively pursue new frontiers in order to meet or exceed the needs of most demanding customers by providing a scalable, seamless, comprehensive offering.

    Leveraging our paradigm-shifting product line with state of the art technology developed by a dedicated team of professionals, we offer a significant competitive advantage on the diversified but fragmented market of best of breed anti-spam solutions.
    * - Not all currently recognized by UN. ** - Palmyra Atoll dollars.


    --from earlier today.
    --
    The Statue of Liberty is America's lawn jockey.
  13. Deja vu? by sunderland56 · · Score: 4, Funny

    "Sun is going to fail in this decade if ...."

    Uh.... didn't Sun fail last decade??

    1. Re:Deja vu? by hab136 · · Score: 5, Funny
      "Sun is going to fail in this decade if ...."

      Uh.... didn't Sun fail last decade??

      Nope, I looked outside, and The Sun(tm) is working perfectly! In fact, I used too much of The Sun(tm) over the weekend and it seems to have given me a nasty burn.

      I hate The Sun(tm) now.

    2. Re:Deja vu? by Chris+Mattern · · Score: 2, Funny

      You should have used SunScreen. Or better, IP Filter.

      Chris Mattern

  14. outsource this ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Shouldn't marketing be commoditizied and outsourced live American workers were? I mean, what's so special about glossy brochures with models and focus groups?

  15. "marketingspeak" doesn't determine decisions by ViolentGreen · · Score: 2, Interesting

    It's jargon and buzzwords and nothing more. All companies do that. Nobody buys products based on that. Any company looking at sun will look past the "marketingspeak" and look at the product.

    --
    Not everything is analogous to cars. Car analogies rarely work.
    1. Re:"marketingspeak" doesn't determine decisions by Kainaw · · Score: 4, Insightful

      It's jargon and buzzwords and nothing more.

      That is mostly correct. Decision makers do get deaf to words they hear too much. But, tech marketing is also a numbers (or versions) game. For instance, is Company A's Superpro 1700 better than Company B's Megapro 1600? The people making decisions don't know what the numbers mean. That marketing hype is in all areas of hardware from the computers to video cards and monitors (my 19" LCD has a screen that is actually 17" - but the casing is 19"). It is also in software - just look at IE and Netscape's version jockying in the past.

      --
      The previous comment is purposely vague and generalized, but all of the facts are completely true.
    2. Re:"marketingspeak" doesn't determine decisions by pete-classic · · Score: 2, Insightful
      Nobody buys products based on that.


      So companies engage in this behavior simply for the altruistic end of keeping marketing people (who are clearly not qualified to do anything else) off the street?

      I suddenly have much warmer feelings toward corporate America.

      -Peter
    3. Re:"marketingspeak" doesn't determine decisions by Moofie · · Score: 2, Insightful

      One thing marketing people are really really really good at marketing is their ownselves.

      --
      Why yes, I AM a rocket scientist!
  16. "Solution" and "rich" do it for me by sphealey · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Any technology pitch with the words "solution", "rich", or "exciting" and I automatically check to see if my pocket has been picked. "Rich" - now that's rich!

    sPh

  17. Is this new? Is this news? by Ars-Fartsica · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Come on, people have been hawking "scalable enterprise empowerment" or "veritcally integrated open groupware" or "user-centric frameworks for collaboration" for a decade.

  18. I followed the "Awful" examples link by Trolling4Dollars · · Score: 5, Insightful
    And I found this:


    First, run the "BS Detector" (www.streettech.com/bs) over your website to check for marketing-speak. Then deploy and action these tips:


    Convert your online visitors into customers by inviting them to act. Every page should have a clear call to action to get your visitors to take the next step.


    Cut to the chase. People scan web pages, they don't read them, and they read at least 30% slower off the screen than off paper. Use active verbs rather than passive ones. It saves words and is more persuasive.


    Note all the bolded text in the snippet above. Is this an inside joke? Look at all the BS in those sentences! ;P

  19. Yes! I hate those guys! by philipkd · · Score: 2, Interesting

    IMHO, I think the best IT marketers have to be cut from the cloth of a computer nerd.

    Because every great killer app does not begin in the mind of a creative marketer or exec, but in some small script or some small app that some hacker/nerd put together to take care of something he immediately needed.

    Think about. Every single useful app, I bet, has its ancestry hidden in the roots of some hacker who did it for free.

    This doesn't mean all computer nerds make good marketers, but that computer nerds do have the vision to see new openings for products and features. The market can only complain about today, but it really cannot tell you what it will need tomorrow.

  20. Customers by pete-classic · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The market delivers what customers want.

    My theory is that the problem, if there is one, is that MBAs are making too many of the technical decisions. (I.e. "Which mail server should we use? Why, Exchange, of course!")

    As long as the real customer is a non-technical person, technological products will be marketed this way.

    -Peter

    1. Re:Customers by maxpublic · · Score: 4, Insightful

      The market delivers what customers want.

      Often the case is that the market defines what the customer wants, then convinces the customer that the 'want' in question was their own idea in the first place.

      It's the only way I can explain prime-time TV.

      Max

      --
      My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
  21. "Industry/Market Leading","IndustryStandard" by Dr.Dubious+DDQ · · Score: 3, Interesting

    As far as I can tell, "Industry Leading" just means "has a marketing department." (Ditto for "Market Leading").

    "Industry Standard" doesn't actually mean what it says, either. These days it just means "We think lots of people do things this way, or at least claim that we think that."

  22. Catbert stikes again! by sup4hleet · · Score: 5, Funny

    This has been around for a while (since 2000 I think), but I still get a laugh out of it:

    Catbert's Mission statement generator

    Perfect for this thread!

  23. I love the software, but... by Tribbin · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Firefox - Rediscover the web.
    Thunderbird - Reclaim your inbox.

    Is it me or are these weak slogans?

    --
    If you mod this up, your slashdot background will turn into a beautiful sunset!
    1. Re:I love the software, but... by redcircle · · Score: 2, Funny

      reclaim your inbox.. sounds like a yeast infection treatment

  24. Re:No kidding? by MadMorf · · Score: 2

    Companies that don't make (or don't continue to make) good stuff will get their lunch eaten by those who do.

    So, Novell is eating Microsoft's lunch?

    Maybe Novell decided it didn't like the sardine and limburger sandwich it found in Bill's bag...

  25. Hey, that's pretty insightful... by StressGuy · · Score: 4, Insightful

    could you imagine a Beowulf cluster of thinkers like this in Soviet Russia - where the industry changes you?

    Yea, I know, I should have just shut up and modded the parent post as funny. It will be interesting to watch though, the parent smacks of a funny post that is in danger of being modded insightful.

    --
    A goal is a dream with a deadline
  26. My personal favorite by Weaselmancer · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Is mission critical. It's a seriously overused, and tragically misunderstood phrase.

    Here's a good working definition of "mission critical". If you'd be willing to hang upside down out of a 10 story window by a rope that gets cut if your software crashes, then it's mission critical. If not, then it isn't. Be sure and ask your salesperson if they'd be willing to undergo this test to prove their software's mission critical reliability.

    Hardware and software where people's lives are on the line are mission critical. Think Apollo missions and nuclear power plants, folks. Anything else, isn't.

    --
    Weaselmancer
    rediculous.
    1. Re:My personal favorite by gl4ss · · Score: 4, Insightful

      well, they just mean by "misson critical" that if the program fails then your WHOLE OPERATION WILL BE SCREWED, it doesn't actually have any promise of that it wouldn't happen...

      --
      world was created 5 seconds before this post as it is.
    2. Re:My personal favorite by conteXXt · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I think it would depend on your company's "mission".

      --
      The truth about Led Zep should never be told on /. (Karma suicide ensues)
    3. Re:My personal favorite by Neil+Watson · · Score: 2, Interesting

      I hate the use of ASAP. When people use it I hear "I am lazy or ignorant and unable to commit to a formal due date."

    4. Re:My personal favorite by ultramk · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Hardware and software where people's lives are on the line are mission critical. Think Apollo missions and nuclear power plants, folks. Anything else, isn't.

      That's an extremely poor definition.

      "Mission critical" is a concept that very much relies on the nature of your "mission" (obviously). Not everyone has life-or-death issues hinging on our projects. Usually, it just means that you'll lose some customers, lose some sales, lose a few million dollars, lose your job, etc. However, just because no one's dying, doesn't mean that it isn't important. Obviously.

      For example, I used to work for a company that supplied printing plates to a cardboard box manufacturer (the agricultural industry). Our mission was getting these plates to the customer fast enough so that they could keep their multi-million presses running 24/7.

      The economics were as such: every hour the press wasn't running (waiting for plates to arrive, whatever), cost the company $55k.
      Plus overtime for the press operators.
      Plus not getting the boxes to their customer before their product started to wilt in the field.
      Plus delaying the schedule of the truck drivers who had to haul this stuff cross country.
      Plus my company getting a rep for not being able to come through in the clutch.

      Essentially, one "little" mistake (or delay, same thing) ends up affecting hundreds if not thousands of people, and their livelihoods.

      In my case, that's what "mission critical" meant.

      What's your mission?

      m-

      --
      You catch enchiladas by picking them up behind the head and holding them underwater until they don't kick anymore -VeGas
    5. Re:My personal favorite by maxpublic · · Score: 2, Funny

      What's your mission?

      To have sex with as many young, nubile women as I can before I die. Would this count a mission critical software?

      Max

      --
      My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
    6. Re:My personal favorite by ultramk · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Losing someone's life is what constitutes "mission critical". If someone loses their life, you have screwed the pooch. If someone loses their job, they can get another one.

      Like I said, that's a bastardization of the term.

      What constitutes "mission critical" depends on your mission. Obviously. My job doesn't have anything to do with stealth bombers. It's not my mission.

      Sorry, your misunderstanding of the phrase doesn't change reality.

      Look it up.

      m-

      --
      You catch enchiladas by picking them up behind the head and holding them underwater until they don't kick anymore -VeGas
  27. "The Innovator's Dilemma" by Beryllium+Sphere(tm) · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Talking to your existing customers works fine in a static market. You can still win even if the technology is changing but the customers remain the same. "The Innovator's Dilemma" pulls a lot of material from a large study of the disk drive industry. Incumbent players stayed in business through radical changes in technology, dying only from changes in the market.

    Changes in the market happen when a "disruptive" technology comes along. "Disruptive" doesn't mean you have to rip out your assembly line: the disk drive makers succeeded at that several times. "Disruptive" means something that redefines the market.

    The personal computer is a clear example. Like other disruptive technologies it was cheaper than what was already there, sold to a different set of customers, and wasn't as good (*at first*) as the incumbent technology. DEC's customers continued using VAXen to do work that wouldn't fit on the first personal computers.

    Then the new customers buy in volume, mass production drives down the price, high volume pays for improvements, and before you can say "386" the disruptive technology is undermining the old technology. Companies like DEC wind up selling "proven" solutions to a shrinking customer base. Eventually they die.

    "Marketing", in its highest and most useful form, involves getting into the heads of your customers and understanding what they need before they know it themselves. But the future lies with people who are not your customers.

    The book listed other examples including hydraulic earth-moving equipment, but the principle was the same.

  28. 10 Years ago I'd never have said this but... by smartin · · Score: 4, Interesting

    The best thing that could happen to Sun is for IBM to buy them. It would IBM give them access to Java, they could merge Solaris, AIX and Linux, and Sun hardware would probably sell better than the equivalents in the IBM line.

    --
    The difference between Canada and the USA is that in Canada healthcare is a right and gun ownership is a privilege.
    1. Re:10 Years ago I'd never have said this but... by SpaceLifeForm · · Score: 2, Insightful

      It's too late. Sun has already gotten in bed with MS.

      --
      You are being MICROattacked, from various angles, in a SOFT manner.
    2. Re:10 Years ago I'd never have said this but... by MHleads · · Score: 3, Interesting

      It is a small favor IBM can return, given the fact that IBM has earned more dollars with Java than Sun.

  29. Here's the best one I've seen by far: by Tibor+the+Hun · · Score: 3, Funny

    they even used the word "paradigm" !

    http://www.linuxelectrons.com/article.php/20040907 120917901

    I mean, just look at those numbers!

    --
    If you don't know what AltaVista is (was), get off my lawn.
  30. Yes but.... by StressGuy · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is it value-added?

    --
    A goal is a dream with a deadline
  31. It was useful ... once upon a time by charleste · · Score: 5, Funny

    As a geek, and unable to understand "business-esse" AND looking for a job in the mid to late 90's, AND (most importantly) on a dare, I used one of the "BS Generators" to fluff up my "objective" on my resume. To my shagrin - it worked! I got more pegs/emails/phone calls on that particular resume than I ever have - previous or after. I truly think the "businessey-type" people really DO believe their own BS - and the "Mission Statements".

    1. Re:It was useful ... once upon a time by charleste · · Score: 2, Funny

      The old one at dack.com (it's not there anymore?), and I mushed alot of the phrases together - my co-workers and I had a laugh about it.

  32. It isn't just technology... by GreyPoopon · · Score: 2
    Who can come up with worse?

    Folks, it isn't the technology field that invented this junk. For years corporations have been spewing the same buzzword-riddled crud. My best example is the church I attend. It's a good church, but the mission statement and vision were written during a time when almost all the church members worked for a certain very large and prominent corporation that is in the area. Although I agree with the basic goals of both documents, it literally makes me ill to read them because they contain the famous 1980's buzzwords like "empowering." In my mind, both the mission statement and vision should have stuck to plain, straightforward language. But I guess it should come as no surprise. The people writing them would have naturally written them in the same way they had been trained at work.

    --

    GreyPoopon
    --
    Why is it I can write insightful comments but can't come up with a clever signature?

  33. Re: Worse by Vicsun · · Score: 5, Funny

    A two stories below this one, the following gem lies:

    Privately funded in 1993, now with customers in 40 countries* and over $67 million** in cash reserves, the company experienced a phenomenal growth and continues to aggressively pursue new frontiers in order to meet or exceed the needs of most demanding customers by providing a scalable, seamless, comprehensive offering.
    Leveraging our paradigm-shifting product line with state of the art technology developed by a dedicated team of professionals, we offer a significant competitive advantage on the diversified but fragmented market of best of breed anti-spam solutions.

  34. Re:No kidding? by radarsat1 · · Score: 2, Insightful
    That's how the world works

    That is how the world once worked, perhaps, or never did but should work. This is the capitalist ideal: best product wins. Unfortunately this is not the world we live in. We live in a commercialist world, which is perhaps an (inevitable?) end-point of capitalism but is not the same thing. In commercialism, not the best product, but the best marketing wins. I see examples of this everywhere, every day. This a huge part of the world's problems. (Think: lobbying... governments are swayed by rhetoric and money rather than by the actual issues at hand. It's the same deal.)

  35. Enter Bullfighter -- Ole! by theGreater · · Score: 2, Informative

    What a coincidince; I was just plugging a BS-o-meter earlier today.
    Named "Bullfighter" from Deloitte & Touch, it is an add-in for MSword and PowerPoint. You can download the regular version or a for the nonprofit sector.
    -theGreater Picador.

  36. Advertising stock by bvwj · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Does anyone thing IT decision makers are actually influnced by any of this?

    It's a complete ruse.

    This type of advertisement is targeted directly at investors.

    It is not inteded to nor should it be judged on its effect on actual technology customers.

    Do you thing GE advertizes jet engines to increase jet engine sales?

    --
    You can mod me down, but you cannot call me a coward.
  37. Re:"Sun is going to fail in this decade..." by turgid · · Score: 4, Interesting
    who the hell installs a NEW Sun system these days?

    Well, the Sun Opteron boxes are selling like hot cakes. The sales of UltraSPARC kit has increased by several 10s of percent in the last couple of quarters, so I suppose one or two people must be installing new Sun kit.

    If we believed everything intel and HP were trelling us, we'd realise that every 64-bit platform other than itanic is doomed since itanic is taking over the world and resistance is futile.

    But then what would I know? I'm just part of the slashbot groupthink.

  38. nation of salespeople by Doc+Ruby · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Marketers will say whatever people are buying. The real problem is people who don't parse the marketspeak for the info they need, and demand high signal/noise ratios. Part of the problem is making mere marketers into decisionmakers, telling engineers what to buy, and what to build. It's a symptom of the American sales culture, which infects all of us. We're better at selling things to people, like our labor time, than we are at delivering the goods. So the higher-paid decisionmaking jobs are filled with people better able to pitch themselves, rather than better able to make the decisions. The solution is more critical thinking taught in elementary school, where we can learn to intercept marketspeak as well as produce it.

    --

    --
    make install -not war

  39. The Worst by mjm · · Score: 2, Insightful

    "It is what IT is."

  40. Bullshit Generator Site by hodet · · Score: 2, Informative

    Oh! And don't forget the Bullshit Generator.

  41. Buzzwords I gathered on slashdot in 2 days by Brobock · · Score: 3, Interesting

    Leverage, Leveraging
    Synergies, Synergistic
    Vulnerability
    Attack Vector
    Streamline
    Deployment
    Interactive
    Buy-I n
    Stakeholders
    Key-Stone
    Enterprise
    Solution(s )
    Robust
    Intuitive
    Scalable
    Granular Level
    Key Performance Indicators
    Seamless
    Comprehensive offering
    meet or exceed
    cash reserves
    phenomenal growth
    Turn-key
    Paradigm-Shift, shifting
    Product Line
    State of the art technology
    dedicated team of professionals
    significant competitive advantage
    diversified
    fragmented market
    best of breed
    win-win situation
    Synchronicity
    Proven
    Cost-Effective
    Fruition
    Environment
    Proactive (ly)
    New Frontiers
    Agressive
    Empowerment
    Vertically integrated
    Groupware
    User-Centric
    Framework
    Co llaboration

  42. Land Rover's sites only accepts compliments by notmtwain · · Score: 2, Interesting

    You can't put a complaint in at the Land Rover site but you can put in a Compliment. If you send them an email, they promise to respond in 48 hours but the last time I did it, it took more than a week and then they only responded to tell me I had to call Customer Service.

  43. Don't sink to their level by StCredZero · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Deciding if marketing-speak is BS based on buzzword matching/frequency counting is just sinking to their level. It's as devoid of semantics and real thought as buzzword matching to do hiring. After all, there's always a marketing/engineering disconnect, so this will likely tell you zilch about the technology.

    If you want to evaluate a technology, evaluate the technology -- ignore all of the marketing. Be empirical. Actually play with the technology. If they won't let you get your hands on it, then be suspicious.

    Responding to the original post, that's right if you define "maturity" for an industry to mean "the point at which a significant fraction of those involved don't understand what they're saying and just pass along marketspeak like neurons in a big brain processing signals."

    1. Re:Don't sink to their level by superpulpsicle · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I so agree. And I'll add on that marketing technology will always be a challenge from the job description perspective. A car marketing person can be expected to drive their product around. I can't expect a sun marketing person to try out solaris. That's the flaw with marketing in general. The more complicated the technology, the less the marketing person touches.

    2. Re:Don't sink to their level by StCredZero · · Score: 2, Insightful

      You have a good point. However, you have to distinguish evaluating the description from evaluating the thing itself. My point is that -- because of the marketing/engineering disconnect -- a bullshit message can front something with substance. Also keep in mind Sturgeon's Law and its collorary. Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is shite. StCredZero's collorary: 10% of everything isn't shite.

      The hard part isn't avoiding the bullshit. It's not throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Maybe you could use a Bayesian Spam filter to do this, but how are going to train it in the first place? I think the answer to that is really the important thing to think about here.

      Can someone point to examples of something which clearly isn't marketspeak, fronting something worthwhile?

  44. Marketing Speak isn't the problem by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Marketing Speak is the SYMPTOM of the problem. The problem is much deeper. It is an indication that the industry has stopped using NEW ideas to create better products, or new products never seen before. It is a sign of a Mature Market.

    How can you decide between the $9.95 mouse and the $11.95 one? Buzzwords and Marketing Technobabble.

    Or as one of my professors pointed out. When he asked his wife why she like one Fridge over another, she replied that she like the Handle. Everything else was the same in her mind.

    --
    Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
    1. Re:Marketing Speak isn't the problem by Archangel+Michael · · Score: 2, Funny

      I too cook, and yes my wife (I am married, she made me) allows me to think I am still a male. ;-)

      --
      Agent K: A *person* is smart. People are dumb, stupid, panicky animals, and you know it.
  45. Marketing isn't Killing Sun, Sun is by cthrall · · Score: 5, Insightful

    > But it isn't just Sun, surely.

    There's dumb marketing everywhere.

    But Sun could have the best marketing on the planet and still not be selling their products (hardware and OS), which have been largely commoditized. Yes, they have high-end servers...but years ago, cheaper Intel/AMD boxes weren't considered "server-class" hardware like they are now.

    There is a larger issue: Sun's ability to "pull an IBM" and figure out how to leverage the changing software/hardware world instead of defending their market share.

  46. Conversely... by dasmegabyte · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Technology will never understand Marketing. The two are different concepts with different goals. Marketing's goal is to attract the people who spend the money and make the big overall decisions to their technology. Technology's goal is to explain itself to the people who have to implement it.

    Unfortunately, many technology leaders think Marketing is just cunning language and empty promises. So when they make a terribly useful technology, they fail to explain it and instead spin a picture of what it COULD be.

    It is not just companies, either. Take a look at the product pages on Apache.org and see how long it takes to figure out exactly what a technology does, what platforms it works on, what language it works with and how to connect to it. Some of them are good. Most of the time, this information vital to deciding whether the technology is useful or not is hidden three or four links in, and occasionally it's not there at all. I mean, what the fuck is this? (rhetorical question, don't answer). Furthermore, the names of the projects are apocryphal and completely undescriptive. "Do we use Cocoon or Veocity for this project?" Who knows.

    Technology is massively complicated. Just think of the question "What is Linux?" The term is used simulateously, by different people, to refer to a Kernel, to refer to a set of development tools, to refer to a GUI, to refer to a development philosophy, etc. Marketing's job is to boil off the variables you don't need to make a purchasing decision, and spice up the biggest advantages. If marketing isn't doing that, if all they're doing is making insane promises or coming up with wierd names, fire your marketing department. They're wasting your money.

    --
    Hey freaks: now you're ju
    1. Re:Conversely... by Lost+Race · · Score: 4, Insightful
      The Linux kernel, and various Apache projects, and open source / free software projects in general, are not marketable products, they are raw materials from which marketable products can be constructed. Those products (e.g. Red Hat Linux) are the things that need marketing to make sales, and have enough potential sales revenue to justify marketing.

      Where is the Apache marketing budget going to come from? Why does Apache need marketing? To make more "sales"? The software is available for free download! They make no money on "sales"! It seems to me all the Apache projects need is developers, specifically competent developers expert in fields related to the various projects. So those cryptic, obtuse Apache web pages are actually spot on for their purpose, which is to get more developers (who know and understand the issues already, newbies need not apply) involved in the projects.

      (To get a real visceral understanding of the difference between "open source project" and "marketable product", try downloading MythTV and setting yourself up a PVR; then try buying a Tivo and plugging it in. I say this not to cast aspersions on the MythTV project -- I am a dedicated hardcore MythTV user and will probably never buy a Tivo -- but to highlight the fact that MythTV is all about TV-recording technology, while Tivo is all about recording TV. Which one needs marketing? The one that records TV, not the one that provides interesting technology.)

  47. Blaming the victim by Cocteaustin · · Score: 3, Interesting

    This isn't the fault of technology marketers. It's the fault of technologists.

    Technology marketing at its best involves telling stories about technology to customers. It's as simple as that. Every time a technologist turns up his nose at a marketer, it makes it more difficult to tell that story. Even if you accept the fact that "engineers! are not good! at communicating! with customers!!!" it's still a fact that in the absence of input from engineers, marketers will be forced to fall back on meaningless cliches in their stories about what you build.

    So you know where I'm coming from, I'm a developer-slash-marketer working for a Silicon Valley company you've heard of -- I spend part of my time writing code examples for developers and another (small) chunk of my time writing and editing marketing copy.

    Breaking down the barriers between the geeks and the suits is something I've gotten very good at in the last few years. And here's a hint for geeks -- the suits are generally intimidated by you, which means it's your job to reach out to them and make them feel valued.

  48. Good v. Bad Marketing by one-of-many · · Score: 2, Insightful

    What Sun lacks is good marketing (maybe b/c of a lack of good strategy and new technologies).
    Marketing is about creating awareness and a favorable first impression. It is only when the marketing message is consistent with the technology that it is powerful. Case in point: Apple's "Switch" campaing did a great job creating the impresion that with OS X, your average user could switch painlessly. I did and it was painless. That's good marketing. My experience has been that some of the brightest designers have a difficult time articulating WHAT something does without inserting too much of HOW it does it.
    (Marketing Manager and hobby programmer)

  49. Sun is not quite like the auto industry by upsidedown_duck · · Score: 2, Insightful


    Just look at Solaris 10 (a big upgrade from Solaris 8 and 9) and the coming Niagara systems (32-way on a single chip and system board--thousands of threads and terabytes of RAM in a rack). Also, the SunOS kernel is nothing to laugh at. Java will always be debated, but it is fundamentally useful.

    I've always had the impression that Sun does make mistakes, but they can stomach the lessons from them. For example, I'd hope that the limited market for MAJC (a dual core CPU) has at least given them a running start for UltraSPARC IV and Niagara. Some people say that IBM beat Sun to dual core with POWER, but Sun did have one--just not UltraSPARC.

    The problem with the auto industry in the 1970s and 1980s is that they just produced utter stinking crap. I wonder if auto engineers from that period could have engineered their way out of an open box, looking at the terrible emissions controls (god-awful cobwebs of vacuum hoses and unreliable EGR values and carburetors from hell among other things) and the poor performance and economy of their cars. They put 90HP four-cylinder engines into 4000lb. SUVs back then...that's how terrible they were.

    Really, the only thing I worry about regarding Sun is that no one is willing to pay top dollar for a battle-tank-like workstation (SPARCstations, early Ultras), so Sun has inevitably gone to less expensive cases that aren't built from riveted heavy gauge steel. Otherwise, their hardware is generally very good and Solaris is quite good, and ever year they do make real progress. I'm already debating if I want Solaris 10 at home.

    --
    -- "Makes Little Debbie look like a pile of puke!" - Moe Szyslak
  50. It's not just the language by meburke · · Score: 3, Interesting

    I used to sell Sun back in the mid-90's and I believe their problems run much deeper than just the language. In fact, I re-read Goldratt's "The Goal" and "It's Not Luck" occasionally, and Sun is one of the first companies that comes to mind for the the examples of things they DIDN'T/DONT do. Calling Scott McNealy "fiscally conservative" is an understatement. During the mid- 90's the local Sun office was devastated by workforce reductions and obsessive focussing on "headcount". Tech help was scarce, and morale was as low as I've seen in an office for a high-quality product. They moved from a well-organized top-floor office to a mediocre government-looking office across the street. You can only cut cost so far. You could cut costs to zero, and then where do you go to improve proitability? Sun never made it easy. The manuals were good for techs (although the first editions of some of the Solaris 6 and NIS manuals had major errors in them), the classes were great, but the customer focus was fuzzy and confused, just as the article said. And God help any unsuspecting IT manager who thought he could just load Solaris as easy as loading Windows! My impression was that the frustrations over the complex installation and administration process were major avoidable pitfalls in the Sun marketing plan. Luckily, I was mostly selling against NT 3.51 and had a major performance advantage at the time. The problem is, loading, configuring and administering Solaris is still a tedious, joyless task, even if it's done over a network. Troubleshooting administrative problems is not as easy as it could be, and the docs still suck.

    --
    "The mind works quicker than you think!"
  51. Re:Soo... by charleste · · Score: 3, Funny

    I no longer have a copy... but I'm sure it said something about me being able to "synergistically re-engineer convergent e-technology" or some such BS :-B

  52. It works! It really works! by ClayJar · · Score: 5, Funny

    I have a friend whose company was bidding on a contract. Part of the forms they had to fill out was their company's mission statement. Well, since they didn't have a mission statement, and since it was a *required* field on the form, he went to Dilbert.com and fetched one of these lovely (*cough*) mission statements.

    They got the contract, in part because the client thought they had a good mission statement. (Needless to say, they never told the client where they came up with it.)

  53. Translating Technobabble by smack.addict · · Score: 4, Insightful

    The basic problem is that marketing is charged with explaining a technology to non-technologists. Often these technologies are quite difficult to explain. For example, how do you explain an identity management system to a CFO?

    Now, the knee-jerk slashdot reaction is to say that the CFO has no business making technology decisions. It is his business, however, to determine what the company is spending money on. Is this identity management system some IT toy? Or is it something that will make the company more profitable?

    You need to be able to explain technology to non-technologists in order for good technologies to sell, especially when those technologies are expensive.

    Buzzwords evolve when someone develops a way of expressing something that actually means something. Then others latch on to those words and dilute the strength of their meaning. Over time, people forget what the original meaning even was.

    Paradigm is a real world with a real meaning. In terms of describing technology, however, it has lost all semblance of meaning because it is now used to mean anything. Once upon a time, however...

  54. Lawyers started it... by KaiBeezy · · Score: 2, Funny

    How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    v

    v

    v

    v

    v

    v

    v

    v

    Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the bounds and prescriptions of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the Light Bulb shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the Light Bulb and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

    The Lawyer shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the Light Bulb and rotate the Light Bulb in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Grasping and rotation of the Light Bulb shall be undertaken by the Lawyer with every possible caution by the Lawyer to maintain the structural integrity of the Light Bulb, notwithstanding any failure of the Light Bulb to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the Light Bulb may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the Lawyer shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the Lawyer throughout.

    Upon reaching a point where the Light Bulb becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the Lawyer shall have the option of disposing of the Light Bulb in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

    Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the Lawyer shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

    NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the Lawyer, by said party, by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for any party of the fifth part.

  55. Software engineer glossary of product terminology by NilsK · · Score: 2, Informative

    For those having problems with some of these terms I recommend the Software engineer glossary of product terminology.

    Nils

  56. DB2 by paranerd · · Score: 2, Interesting

    I know DB2 isn't what most of the slashdot readership would consider technology. But bear with me.

    The IBM marketers have so mangled the DB2 trademark that you can't even call IBM and order a flavour of the product or ask for service.

    Don't beleive me? Log onto the IBM website and find the SQL manual for DB2 Universal Database for the mainframe. Make sure it's the mainframe manual. Then find out how many flavours of DB2 Universal Database Connect there are and try to distinguish them from each other.

    Using Google is cheating. (But, even using Google I bet you're driven crazy within the hour!)

    The technology behind DB2 isn't that difficult to understand. But the marketing maze is truly something byzantine.

  57. ObCalvinHobbes Quote by Slightly+Askew · · Score: 2, Funny

    Then deploy and action these tips

    Calvin: I like to verb words.

    Hobbes: What?

    Calvin: I take nouns and adjectives and use them as verbs. Remember when "access" was a thing? Now, it's something you do. It got verbed. Verbing weirds language.

    Hobbes: Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.

    --
    Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies. -- Zoso
  58. Re:No kidding? by MCraigW · · Score: 2, Insightful

    So you save money if you have $10 in your pocket, unfortunately, most people only have 50c available.

  59. Is "Slashdot" Killing Grammar? by thrills33ker · · Score: 3, Funny

    In an essay titled, tediously, "Crashdot?", an anonymous reader wonders how long the popular technology discussion forum Slashdot can survive in the face of its editors' blatant ignorance of grammatical errors that a child of 5 would find embarrassing. "Slashdot is going to fail this year if it does nothing but post duplicated articles, week-old news and obvious trolls", says the author. He adds: "If you are someone who never gets tired of misplaced apostrophes, mixed tenses, and generally incomprehensible prose, then subscribe to Slashdot and read as many of their article summaries as you can stomach." But it isn't just Slashdot, surely. This is a failing of online journalism in general. Hmm, doubtless we can all come up with our own examples far equally awful as those seen on Slashdot. Who can come up with worse?

  60. The Network is the Computer by tedgyz · · Score: 2, Interesting

    Now there's a good one. Sun stole that line from Apollo computer. Apollo actually lived up the phrase. Anyone familiar with Domain/OS knows that the entire OS was built from day one with networking in mind.

    Apollo had great engineering, but terrible marketing. Sun understood that low price and good developer support would lead to success. Apollo, like so many great technology companies, believed that superior products would win. Instead, most popular and/or cheapest usually wins.

    It is sad to see NFS continues to be so widely used despite it's blatant design flaws. In contrast to MS networking, it actually looks good, but in reality, it is a nightmare. Anyone who has fought in the "Automounter Wars" can attest to that!

    --
    "No matter where you go, there you are." -- Buckaroo Banzai
  61. Re: Worse by julesh · · Score: 3, Funny

    That's not too bad. I mean, the last 3 words actually tell you what they sell...

  62. "Solutions" by jav1231 · · Score: 2, Insightful

    I've hated that one for years. "We're a solutions provider." Really? Well your "solution" has "provided" me with more downtime then uptime, dork! No body makes anything...they're "solutions providers." I say anytime you're at a convention and someone tells you they provide "solutions" it should be code for "pop me in the mouth." Hell, let's make it a game!

  63. Ob. Adventures of Action Item link by PCM2 · · Score: 2

    Read the sig.

    --
    Breakfast served all day!
  64. What I hate by xyote · · Score: 2, Insightful

    is when they come up with a new marketing buzzword and then don't give you any way to connect with it. Take Throughput Computing for example. Lots of processors for multithreading. That's cool, I'm into that. But I'm far more likely to see that on an Intel processors than anything from Sun. Unique hardware? No. Unique software? No. By unique I mean can you do anything that you can't do more cost effectively on non Sun hardware and software? And the answer is no.

  65. Problem: People with no technical knowledge by Futurepower(R) · · Score: 3, Insightful


    There is a huge problem with people working in a technological company who have no interest in or knowledge of technology. Not only do they feel pressured to lie when they don't know what they are doing, they can't always detect when they are lying. They become robot liars representing their company.

    This kind of thing affects more than the technology industry. It's only natural that people who work in companies that pretend to be sane would vote for a president who pretends to be sane.

    --
    Bush: Spending money the U.S. doesn't have to make himself look good.

  66. X - is for by crashcodesdotcom · · Score: 2, Funny

    A buddy and I got tired of seeing "X" used in so many places with different meanings. Pedestrian X-ing ActiveX X-mas Xmit (transmit) XDock (cross-dock) XML X-Box The full list eludes me at the moment, but the point is we started prounouncing the X's all the same regardless of the word. So from now on we say: Pedestrian Christ-ing Active Christ Christ-mas (pronounce Christ instead of Cris) Christ-mit Christ-dock Christ ML Christ Box Enjoy, CrashCodes