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XM Radio Hacked by Car Computer Hobbyists
An anonymous reader writes "There is an article over at News.com that talks about a small Florida company called Hybrid Mobile Solutions, that hacked XM Radio. They created a cable and software that makes the new XM Commander and XM Direct units work just like an XMPCR. They are in negotiations with TimeTrax to allow recording of XM Radio to MP3's. XMPCR was canned due to this late last month."
I've never come across the term before. Anyone got a handy explanation?
Their website does not have a whole lot of information though the XM product is their along with the $45 price and a shopping cart that allows you to order. What the site does not tell you is how this works with an existing XM account. For example, I have a subscription and a Roady I reciever. Would I be able to use the PC product and still use my Roady or does entering the subscription/radio code into the PC product "turn off" the Roady? XM charges an addtional $6.99 per month per device for up to four addtional receivers. Still, I'd pay the extra money to have the PC product. In my case it's not for recording as much as to be able to stream the music easily throughout my house. They also do not provide any software themselves right now though their website indicates they are working on developing a relationship with TimeTrax that I assume will allow them to bundle the software with their hardware. I think this would be a very popular offering. I wonder how long it will take before XM Radio or the RIAA gets a cease an desist order from a judge.
http://www.busyweather.com/
Seems they don't need any help from these guys. They have made their own device to replace the pulled XMPCR...
Of course all that really matters is Air America Radio, and that's on all day.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.
-- Dr. Spock, stardate 2822-3.
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/08/26/233024 1&tid=141
2 44207&tid=137&tid=17
http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/08/31/0
Not enough original content for me...
DUPE!
up 12 days, 22:30, 2 users, load averages: 993.20, 994.21, 994.56
*makes note to limit user processes...
Its is now officially worth an XM radio subscription! (Especially when youre out in remote places, such as Wyoming for me, where the static radio provides us with bad country and a multitude of gospel channels!)
I wouldn't call it hacking. More like reverse engineering the old service and building a new.
Call me a nitpicker, but the term hacker is growing too wide for my taste.
Underholdning.info
Well XM Radio hacking great, I bet it is gonna be a FCC violation like those people who hack Direct TV. Anyway good to see the counter culture at work. By the way this fancy smancy page is gonna die.
a $250 profit
the XMPCR is a little box that allows you to listen to XM radio on your pc/mac/sun (mac/sun supported by 3rd party apps). it's a little box that has an audio out which you simply plug in to your mic or line-in. it's controlled via usb (the unit internally has a usb->serial adapter which happens to be well supported by *bsd, linux, etc).
the protocol that goes over the usb cable (used to change channels, etc) was reverse engineered, and people started making all sorts of applications to play with them. timetrax is one that allows you to record the music, as well as automatically add the title, artist, etc info to the ripped song
vodka, straight up, thank you!
Not a dupe.
The other stories you linked to are regarding the xmpcr which is no longer available.
This story is about an interface hack that allows you to use XM radio units originally intended for use in a car on your computer.
Does an obscure interface as a copy-protection mecahnism? Because I'd say it was just circumvented.
See you, space cowboy...
I'm not a native English speaker. What meaning "reverse engineering" has outside the computer world?
someone told me once how to get xm radio free,
but i have no idea whether it's true or not.
since sattelite is strictly 1-way communication,
the receiver itself locks and unlocks service
based on it's receiving a message from the
sattelite like "s/n#1234, lock service".
the hack comes in by exploiting the undocumented
habits of these turn on/off packets. because
of the volume of messages to send since they're
non-unique and every receiver ignores messages
that are not for their serial#, the "turn off"
signals are broadcast once every while
for 6mo-1yr after you let your service lapse.
The hack then is to disconnect the power entirely
from your XM radio for a year after letting
your service expire, ereafterwards it's free.
so, is this urban legend? makes sense to me.
it would be easily thwarted by rebroadcasting
the totality of disallowed s/ns every once
in a while, which i would suspect they might do.
It's not like they are trying to get the service for free. This is for subscribers who want to use the service differently. You can make MP3's off of broadcast radio too.
XMPCR: Time-shifting software for PC-based XM radio receiveers.
The new replacement: XmDirect Tuner Interface Cable. From the manufacturer:
With this cable and our software you will once again be able listen to XM satellite radio in your home or in your car using the included Hybrid eXeM interface along with the xmDirect...The SDK is available for developers that want to continue using xm radio within their applications.
The email address to request the SDK (by the way, serious points for offering AND publicizing the SDK) is sdk at hybrid-mobile dot com.
A cool picture: This picture shows the adapter plugged into what looks like the butt of a Dell laptop.
What is going to happen: Someone is going to get the crap sued out of them.
-----------------
Rate free iPod offers: RateTheOffers.com
(Flat screens and Desktop PCs too)
Someone recording sub-CD-quality music from a device they're required to have a subscription to use is a hack, yes, and may even be a good one if there are no native outputs... but it's not hacking the company.
Saying "XM Radio got hacked" brings to mind ideas like
1) someone's broken the subscription requirement,
2) someone's broken into XM servers,
3) someone's taken over XM's broadcast satellite system,
etc.
One terrific advantage of this hack will be combining XM and Sirius satellite radio receivers. Why choose between different channels in the same medium by buying one of two available boxes? It's like buying an AM or FM radio in the 1960s. Integrate two sets of HW into a device with one UI, as long as it's unified for user operations. Like with a single "bookmark" list of mixed channels; it will be simple enough to hide its inner complexity under the hood.
--
make install -not war
I remember in the good old days, not only was it legal to hack the stuff you bought, you actually OWNED the stuff you bought. Heck, I'm old enough to remember back when all electronics came with schematics! I'd love to have schematics for the stuff I buy now.
If someone says he and his monkey have nothing to hide, they almost certainly do.
Seriously. The only place I ever heard/read about XM Radio is here on /. and it's always assumed we all know what the fsck it is.
And remember kids: Never trust a computer you can actually lift.
No one has "hacked" XM Radio.
Several companies have come up with a way to add and PC-controlable tuner interface between the XM Direct radio. No big deal.
This issue does not concern the FCC since the service itself is not being stolen as was the case with sat TV service.
I own three of the XMPCR boxes. Two are in use, one at work and one at home, and the third is my spare (gotta have my XM.)
...that what I'd really like in my car is time-shifted:
Of course, the radio station's business model depends on my sitting through mind-numbing ads to catch the 20-second blast of traffic info, but with a subscription service, it seems like a perfect fit. I hope this idea goes somewhere.
Let's run some squares on this... How many days before they get a DMCA cease and dissist letter vs. how many days before they discontinue the product?
Hmmm... You know it will happen.
Although the article said that this was a "pristine digitial copy", XMPCR never did that and this doesn't look like it does either. Sure, it makes digital copies, but only after decompression through their lossy proprietary codec, conversion to analog, and then lossy recompression.
The Real Hack would involve recording the original digital bit stream (unencrypted, of course) and recreating XM's codec so you can play it back exactly the same way a normal XM receiver would. Like the DeCSS cass, the DMCA would probably be brought against anyone who tried this.
HIV Crosses Species Barrier... into Muppets
Hahaha, I thought this was a dupe too until i realized that I read it yesterday on mp3car.com, not on slashdot! Man, I should really get away from a computer more often... :-P
- "Nobody came out that night, not one was ever seen. But Old Man Stauf is waiting there, crazy sick and mean!"
It seems like a cool thing, but probably XM will just make sure new units either change how they communicate over that interface, or remove it altogether - are there other XM products that make use of the same communication channel so you are assured it will not change?
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
This "solution" is pretty much just a cable, and this groups software which does the translation. If you want something that works with all the existing software out there now, what you really want is the DirectPCR brought to you by Ryan and the XMFan people. The DirectPCR is more expensive, because it's actually got a microprocessor that reverse translates the standard "A5 5A" serial commands into XM Direct format (which is then dutifully translated back by the XM Direct).
The DirectPCR is the best solution if you really want something with the power and cool factor of the now-defunct XMPCR (no I don't have any business relationship, I'm just an XMFan regular and have been following developments). As for "hack factor" at least three separate people or groups have separately done the XMDirect protocol translation. If you have the right equipment, it's probably about an afternoon's work - just hook up two serial monitors side by side and dump away. So there isn't that much hack cred to speak of in this. Furthermore, if you're comfortable with a soldering iron, you can trivially build an XMPCR-compatible unit out of a SkyFi with a DB9 header, a MAX232, and an optical adapter board.
Darien Lambert will shut them down cold. He tracked down many of the criminals Doctor Sahmbi sent back in time without too much trouble, so he'll be able to handle this no problem.
quit bitching and
search.
Yeah, thanks dude. This is what makes Slashdot so terrible. You collect all these links to othr forums and aggregator sites and pretty soon you're totally sucked in. I work one day a week and everybody there is like jesus man what are you busy doing all the time. . . .
Ahh, fresh site. Straight to the main vein.
You may not otherwise reproduce, perform, distribute, display or create derivative works from the Content
I keep hoping they will offer a service someday that I would like to subscribe to. The above list is why I'm not a subscriber. I don't agree to their TOS. I am not stealing their service. I whine a little, because I would like to be a subscriber, but they don't provide the services I would like yet. I am hopeful that someday....
But I'm not holding my breath. I'm sticking to the MP3 jukebox.
The truth shall set you free!
Every now and then someone complains about some large TV or radio congomerate who can deside what you can or can't watch (Not talking TV or radio networks like CBS but station owners like Clear Channel)
I don't agree so much. I see the point but IMAO we aren't there. There are plenty of indupendent radio and TV stations where I live.
But with digital radio it's a total of TWO options.
To make matters worse you can't buy the radio from just anyone. You gotta buy it directly from the radio network. Crud.
Look at the varity of analog radios and TVs you can buy. Pocket TVs, radios powered by the radio signal, by solar power, by hand crank, by peddle power and no doupt someone has one powered by sex.
(Thow I doupt there'd be much of a market for that)
We have car radios becouse nobody controls the technology. Boom boxes wouldn't exist. Walkmans were also not acceptable by "polite" socity when created.
And... radio cards.
I could plug a controller card inside my computer and have radio. Make MP3s and not need permission from Clear Channel.
If we had to get permission first there'd be no TiVO, no VCR, no casset tape, no radio card, no boom box, no walkman and no transister radio.
It's a neat idea that XM has and a pritty smart way of getting proffit.
But I'll pass.
My solar and hand crank powered short wave radio picks up local stations perfictly fine...
(Admittedly too lazy to actually make use of the international radio fuctions)
and honnestly I'm better off getting my power from the hand crank than from the wall socket.
Wonder if I can set up a stationary bike and rig up a peddle power generator...
(Buy a peddle power bike light kit and use the generator)
I don't actually exist.
If you get the Home Kit, the XM hardware comes with the cables and everything you need to send the audio signal directly to your home stereo. From there, there is nothing stopping you from turning on your tape recorder (or your computer, with audio recording software). The Vehicle Kit works in the same way. The jack for a cassette adapter is a standard headphone jack, if I'm not mistaken. I guess I dont understand why you need an intermediary module to plug it into your PC's audio input when it already has "audio out".
which units (if any) that are hackable can be easily converted to opto or coax spdif out?
no way I want to pipe analog in to my 'soundcard' and then record via that. its spdif or nothing, really. its bad enough its compressed - but doing a D/A and then A/D for no good reason just reduces quality and makes this sound more like FM than a CD.
--
"It is now safe to switch off your computer."
Recently, after the death of the XMPCR, XM announced that they will broadcast the signal to your computer for an extra $3.99 ($7.99 if you don't already have a player) a month. Sounds like they killed XMPCR to make more money... http://www.xmradio.com/xstream/XM info
I spent over 30 days trying to get my XM Radio to activate. Problem was a defective chip. XM was very nice about replacing the radio (It was one of a very few XM radios actually distributed by XM themself.) But it took many many hours to get them to admit the unit was defective. I know now that those first Alpines had some bad batches.
I came to learn a lot during this time. I believe XM Radio sends out an activate signal during your entire subscription time. As someone else mentioned, if your XM Radio is parked on a no-signal area for a period of time, it will *lock*. In my case I have to call XM, switch to a specific channel and then wait about 15 minutes or so to become re-activated.
I believe that XM sends down all subscriber activate information continually. When you initially activate, they put the period to about every 15 minutes so that you don't have to sit in your car so long waiting for it activate. That lasts for like 6-24 hours depending on which tech answers. After that I believe it sends it down at an interval that would accomodate sending all user accounts and new activations.
Hack is another word for cab. I seem to remember hackie as a cab driver too, but hack definitely = cab. I believe it is so in Sherlock Holmes, for instance.
Infuriate left and right
...the music industry is ever going to prevent piracy is if they take away the ability for the average person to record. There is no way in hell that they can do that without getting some kind of law passed that requires you to be a licensed professional in order to record audio or video. I can't see things going that far yet. But like it or not, the average person has a lot of options for recording these days.
Back when I was in high school and was lusting after a 4 track reel-to-reel multitrack deck from Tascam, there was a financial barrier to high quality recordings. But today, there are so many options out there that even if you aren't using AES/EBU digital connection (no SCMS DRM) you can still get much higher quality copies than you could with a cassette deck back in the 80s. So, even if the RIAA and MPAA do get DRM so intertwined into newer audio and video gear, it's going to be next to impossible to prevent older decent quality devices from recording. This is a battle that can't be won without draconian mesaures.
The shame of all of this is that nearly everyone with a computer has the facilities for making their own music and therefore bypassing the RIAA altogether. I do remember a period of time in the 80s when it was illegal to own a 4-track recorder in a residential area in my state. I wonder if they are going to try that with software based virtual studios? Likely not since most people with the ability and talent are just too lazy to make their own music. (It's easier than you think. If you can set up a Cisco network, you can make your own music.) So, what can the RIAA and MPAA do to stop people from pirating? How about they take away all sound cards and video caputre cards, digital audio and video recorders, and software based audio? They can't. The genie is out of the bottle.
With that out of the way, is it right to distribute music that you aren't authorized to distribute? Absolutely not. Quite a problem, ehhh?
Un-news
I don't listen to the radio for music, just talk radio. And I usually sit on the AM band most of the time since that's where most of it's at, and AM signals tend to reach much further then an FM signal so I can keep listening as I drive around from place to place. Most of my friends are the same way - it's either A) listen to the latest pop music junk 20 times a day, or B) listen to some decent talk radio. Hmm.
If I could listen to my favorite talk shows all the time, without signal noise/drop, wherever I went, it would be very nice.
I just don't think I'm in the car QUITE enough to justify a monthly fee for it.
- It's not the Macs I hate. It's Digg users. -
I've been thinking about buying into one of the systems before, and I have to admit, this does seem to sway me into finally wanting to buy into one. I live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, which is XM225 or Sirius156. I could certainly talk myself into paying $10-13 a month if I could get reliable traffic reporting, especially if it's 24/7.
If I do buy into one, though, my next question is what sort of unit would I want to get? In my case, I want something I can plug in at home or carry as well as use in the car. But I also don't want adapters everywhere or some cradle taped to my dash. I have yet to find a comprehensive comparison of feature sets across the different models, including sound quality. If they're not all exactly the same, I want to know that
I'm still undecided as to which provider, though. I'm not into shock radio, or talk radio at all, really, nor into sports coverage. I do like NPR, dance, world, techno, classical, and 80s. I'm leaning to Sirius on content. XM is cheaper, but it has fewer channels I'd actually listen to, and I can't buy out the subscription. However, I still don't know which sounds better and has fewest commercials in the non-music channels. Who's compressed the most? Who's got the most total bandwidth, etc.? Are there some industry websites I should read before making up my mind? I'm reading the annual reports for both these companies, but many of these questions remain unanswered, and before I drop an expected $500 for subscription over the life of the unit, I want to be confident the company will still be around
Thanks to the DMCA, any attempt to add/subtract functionality from any corporation's products or services is in immediate violation and will be proscecuted to the fullest extent of the defendant's pocketbook.
Yeah, right.
There are currently a few options, and up until recently they were all do it yourself options. A friend and I didn't want to pay the $$ for the PCR's on ebay so we bought Skyfi's, hacked the home kit to add a serial connection to it then added a TOS optical link to the Skyfi. This then worked with PCR software like it was a PCR. Now there are "commercial" options. Timetrax themselves seem to have a very good bundle going if that is your purpose(99.99). Along with the Direct PC (xmfanstore.com 159.99) and the other cable made by the car pc enthusiasts(49.99). Unless you want to listen to XM on your computer there is no real need for any of this. Even with Time trax you don't get good songs that are perfect for burning. Most songs will have some over blead from the previous song on it. Also it is very common to get some of the XM talk. It is good for time shifting, but you are not going to amass the best MP3 collection known to man that you can share with the world from it. Plus they add your XM id into the ID3 tag *wink* *wink*. I still say it was more fun to make it, rather than buy it.
You know, a while ago I bought a PCR and was psyched when I saw the TimeTrax software so I bought it. I tested it and it works brilliantly, but honestly, I haven't really found a need to record mp3's wholesale. I mean, I have the pcr and I can go channel to channel and listen to whatever I want. I just listen to my xm and don't even use the TimeTrax software.
I'm so happy with xm that I'm going to get a head unit in my truck too. It's only like $6/month for an additional radio if you have one already, so the unit is cool because you can listen to tons of new music commercial free on your computer, but don't just get it because of the TimeTrax software because you probably won't use it for mp3's - you'll just get hooked on XM.
Are there any other slashdotters out there that have experienced something similar?
(Also, a slightly off topic question, has anyone had both xm and sirius and can give an honest opinion between the two?)
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur
It kind of annoys me that the press refers to they recordings of these broadcasts as "pristine". They say the same crap about webcasts. They aren't pristine. The sound quality of XM Radio is nowhere near CD quality, in fact IMO it's not even as good as broadcast FM. It's more comparable to a 48kbps mp3 stream to my ears. In fact, while I love XM, I was a bit disappointed by the sound quality when I first got it.
Digital != Perfect Sound
It's sad. XM should really look how the open source mentality of making things better worked with TiVo. The would have been taken under a long time ago if they weren't hacked and made better.
rejected (19) accepted (0)
Is there a psychological term related to getting your stories rejected on slashdot?
Couldn't one just take the GNUnilink package from Sourceforge/Freshmeat and combine it with the short-lived Sony XM receiver that was a Unilink module, and control it that way?
(Unilink is Sony's protocol that allows decks to control disc changers and a limited number of other devices like TV tuners, mobile VHS VCR, DSP modules and so forth).
Southeastern Virginia REPRESENT!
XM is likely to be over in a few years anyway, right?
XM is in bed with Clear Channel Communications. Remember The problem with the Dixie Chicks?
The important thing to note is that not all timeshifting is necessarily fair use; the Court only had to determine that it qualified as a potential, substantial, noninfringing use. Fair use is the antithesis of a bright line rule; every case must be analyzed on its own facts. Thus there is not an absolute right to time shift.
People do not need to prove that every time they do something, it's legal.
In the US, we're innocent until proven guilty, meaning the burden of proving that you're doing something wrong is the responsibility of the accuser. So unless the record companies can prove than in each case we're doing something wrong, we're innocent.
the burden of proving that you're doing something wrong is the responsibility of the accuser. So unless the record companies can prove than in each case we're doing something wrong
Or the labels can prove that they, as multinational corporations, have money to pay lawyers, and most individuals don't.
In the Ghetto Part XXVII
Anal Faggotry at Garnsey Park
Vlad was angry. Vlad was mad. Vlad was furious. Vlad farted.
"Those LITTLE BITCHES on the Internet are really starting to get to me," Vlad silently admitted to himself. "Who the fuck made THEM judge & jury? After all the times I helped and supported their asses."
Vlad began to cry. He picked up a pair of his underwear from the floor and wiped away the tears from his eyes and the sweat from his brow. The underwear left a brown stain across his face, but he didn't care. He was sweating because he'd been trying to work out his frustrations by practicing his knife-fighting technique. A bloody, rusted butter-knife lay on the floor, and next to it lay Reza, unconscious or worse, oozing blood and fatty tissue into puddles on the floor. A swarm of roaches surrounded and covered her, licking up the fat from the floor and crawling into her wounds to extract it directly.
"Reeeeeza", Vlad shouted nasally at his wife. He wasn't sure if she was alive or dead, and he didn't really care. "I have to get out of this fucking house. I'm going to the park!" Vlad's heart lifted briefly from his self-pity. The park. At night. This would be a good night.
The Chevy van squeaked and groaned under Vlad's weight as he squeezed himself through the door. The front tire ruptured and deflated. After a few minutes of cranking, the van started with the sound of a gunshot, and it creaked slowly out onto Ingalls Avenue, heading west.
As Vlad passed the Nicholson Street intersection, he thought bitterly about his troubles online, and how nearly everyone he knew had "betrayed" him. Those little bitches. But by the time he passed the Highland Avenue intersection, his thoughts had already turned to more pleasant matters: his first visit to Garnsey Park, nearly a year ago, where he had met his Special Friend. He felt a warm twitching in his groin. Vlad drove on.
As Vlad passed Clement Street, he thought back to that magical day. Vlad's soon-to-be "Special Friend" had been on vacation from Peaks Island, Maine, and was "slumming" in Joliet to check out the local gay scene. After visiting a few clubs, the Special Friend had found his way to Garnsey Park, a popular meeting place for nocturnal homosexual public couplings, visited by faggots from all over the greater Chicago metropolitan area. When the Special Friend arrived, there was another queer at the park for the first time: he'd just recently moved to the area, and his large body was filled with homosexual vim vigour. His name was William Scott Lockwood III, but at Garnsey Park, he was only "Vladinator."
Vlad farted in contentment as he reminisced. Not paying attention, he slammed into a young girl riding a bicycle through the Oakland Avenue intersection. The bike tangled in the guts of the Chevy van, and it whined in protest, but it continued to sputter onward as Vlad continued to remember. On Vlad's first visit to Garnsey Park, he wasn't wholly satisfied with the quality of the corn-holing he was getting. The assortment of Negroids, vagrants, crack addicts, and transvestites was large, but none of them really stood to him. They were all happy to meet such an outstanding "papa bear" like Vlad, and they loved to wrap their arms around his hairy rolls of loving flab as he grunted and rammed his cock into their colons. But Vlad had wanted more. He wanted romance. Then his soon-to-be Special Friend arrived.
Vlad was so distracted by his sudden erection that he swerved wildly for a moment, tearing down the street sign marking the intersection of Ingalls and Wilcox. He barely noticed. When Vlad saw the Special Friend arrive, he knew that he'd found a soul-mate. The Special Friend was young and had gentle blonde hair, and charming facial features like a delightfully protruding chin. He looked soft, loving, pale, and incredibly gay. Vlad immediately pulled out of the warty Negroid buttocks he'd
In the Ghetto Part XXII
Vlad couldn't believe that the Welfare Department and Social Services were forcing him to go find a job. El-Arse hosting would soon have a paying customer and he would soon be the next Bill Gates. Vlad rubbed his half inch pecker as he imagined ruling the world from his Joliet compound. Vlad's daydreaming was shattered by a foundation rattling fart that emanated from the bedroom. Reza was waking up from her pig tranquilizer and Mad Dog 20/20 induced slumber. She appeared in the doorway, her massive fatness filling the opening. She made a beeline to the fridge. While waddling towards her food source, a large black butt plug fell from beneath her mu-mu. It slid across the floor and stopped in front of Marticock. Marti was still phased from the roofies Vlad had forced him to snort the night before. And it took a few moments for the drug ravaged brain to realize it's favorite teething toy was available. Marti shoved it in his mouth and let out a wet, happy fart. Vlad smiled, he was just like his old man. But, his pride quickly turned to rage.
"Damn you, you fat fucking cow of a woman," Vlad yelled. "You know this is to never come out, except for when I allow you to remove it!" Vlad got his body to contort into some abomination of a karate stance he saw on his cam copy of Blade2 and knocked Reza on to her gut. Reza rocked back and forth as Vlad maneuvered around to her ass. Vlad took aim with the butt plug and rammed it home. Reza moaned and Vlad got hard. Vlad was hung like a doorbell and he was full aroused. Reza couldn't touch the floor with any of her pork filled appendages. She looked on helplessly as Vlad grabbed Marticock. Marticock cooed with glee as Vlad coated his head with cold cooking grease from the stove top. In one fell swoop, Marticock was shoved headfirst into Reza's flabby cunt. This was quickly followed by Vlad ramming the whole inch of his manhood into Marticock's fudge flavored love tunnel. Reza and Vlad moaned as the three of them oscillated to Vlad's gyrations. From the bubbles that would erupt from Reza's cooch, Marticock was enjoying himself as well. Vlad finished and started to leave. Marticock oozed out of him mother's sloppy snatch and landed on the floor with a thud. Vlad grabbed a greasy towel from the floor and snatched Marticock up. Reza let out a satisfied fart and Vlad replied with one of his own. "I love you, Vlad," Reza said through an orgasmic haze. "Shut the fuck up, you fat fucking whore," Vlad snapped back as he slammed the door.
An hour later, Vlad is in the front lobby of the County Employment Office. He lugs himself up to the desk. A young woman sits behind the desk; she turns pale as she sees Vlad approach. "You have to give me a fucking job, bitch," Vlad farted with authority. The lady didn't even look up. She just pointed to a big wall full of listings. Vlad waddled back and started looking. All these jobs are for chumps Vlad thought to himself as he looked at the jobs that were available.
"I own my own business," Vlad said aloud. "Welcome to /dev/nul fucking losers." And, with that, Vlad turned to leave. But, 3 unemployed steel workers overheard Vlad's disparaging comments. "Who are you calling a loser, fatboi," one of them said. Vlad's defense mechanism started up and a protective fart erupted from his stained sweatpants. "Get the fuck out of here you stinky fat ball," another one said. Vlad wasn't' going to take this abuse.
"Back the fuck up," Vlad yelled. "Have you ever seen the Michael Jackson interview with Barbra Walters? That's the kind of karate I practice. You are going to get a free lesson." Vlad grabbed Marticock and started wildly swinging him about his head. Marti giggled as Vlad made grunting noises and kicked with his stumpy legs at anything he perceived to be a threat. Vlad backed out of the front door, still swinging Marticock at his opponents. Upon exiting the building, Vlad started his walk home. He reached his neighborhood. Ten dollar whores lined the corne