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U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft Resigns
andyring writes "In a move that will undoubtedly make many /. readers jump for joy (although perhaps not myself), Attorney General John Ashcroft announced he will resign, according to multiple news sources. While many here dislike him, others have more favorable opinions of him. He became the point man on the USA Patriot Act, which typically ignites harsh opinions on both sides of the aisle."
Reader cnsc1rtr , referring to the AP's version of the story, writes "He gave Bush a five-page, handwritten letter in which he stated, 'The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.'"
'The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.'
That is the BEST NEWS EVER! How come he didn't tell us about this before?
There are no trails. There are no trees out here.
Tomorrow Cheney!
oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please
...Rob
The American Dream isn't an SUV and a house in the suburbs; it's Don't Tread On Me.
does that mean i can take off my tinfoil hat?
I thought that it was the overthrow of Saddam Hussein that did that....
/. If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.
I'm going to commit crimes just to spite him.
./revolution
'The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.'
Yey we won! Now we can pull out of Iraq. No more airport security lines. I just hope W. can read script.
"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."
Phew! Finally. Guess we don't need a DoJ anymore.
as it may win you a long holiday in cuba.
Set them free. Freedom is a good thing, right? :-)
I hear there's a former Iraqi Information Minister who's still looking for a job.
I for one can't wait for his music career to jump off!a shcroft.si ngs.wbtv.med.html
"LET THE EAGLE SOAR, LIKE SHE'S NEVER SOARN BEFORE!"
http://www.cnn.com/video/us/2002/02/25/
Do you see how my mind works? It's like a laser!
In any case, I don't know whether you were intending to but you've alluded to an interesting point. Justice Ashcroft anyone?
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
--Andy Finkel (J. Klass?)
"He gave Bush a five-page, handwritten letter in which he stated"
;)
I have a new found respect for John Ashcroft, it's pretty respectable that he thinks Bush will read five-pages of his letter.
At least he "still believes"
Error 407 - No creative sig found
'The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.'
Am I correct in assuming that his resignation is what is bringing this achievement to pass?
Don't you dare joke about things like that.
And Bush had to have someone read it to him.
Rosco: "If brains were gunpowder, Enos couldn't blow his nose."
the serious 2- I recall a quote attributed to the then director of the patent office, requesting the patent office be closed, as all concieveable inventions had been made.. both the quote and the historical snip I give seem to have a spooky similarity
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.
Does that mean the Patriot Act can be repealed now?
I knew I should have hurried up with my idea for a four horsemen of the apocolypse t-shirt, now one of the horsemen has resigned....
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
1) Firefox 1.0 Released
2) Halo 2 Released
3) John Ashcroft Resigns
4).... Profit!!!
What a day it's been!
There is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. -- Boondock Saints
He resigned so that he could become Director of the newly formed Secret Police.
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Why not Upgrades?
Game: Player 'Donald J Trump' now has AI skill level 'experimental'.
...That I get to see lady Justice's boobie again?
That may be worth a trip to D.C. for that alone!
HA! I just wasted some of your bandwidth with a frivolous sig!
Of course he's exausted because of all you Bush-bashers who keep on critizing the administration for no good reason unrelentlessly. John Ashcroft has done a stellar job securing our nation. Who could have seen 9/11? Everyone makes there mistakes but, this administration has made much less than a Gore Lieberman one would.
"He gave Bush a five-page, handwritten letter in which he stated, 'The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.'"
I hope he attached an audio book version to the letter.
Something intruiging...
No, Ashcroft is moving to the bereau of weights and measures to serve as the standard of "Absolute Conservative". As such, it is impossible to appoint a more conservative replacement.
Doubtless, Bush will attempt to redefine the "Absolute Conservative" standard when selecting Ashcroft's replacement, but experts agree that he's likely to appoint a "Facist Extremist" by mistake.
Amen. Now let's go to the races....
Gee, it must suck to have a label like "conservative" misappropriated and turned into an insult meaning "authoritarian". See how it feels when the President does the same with the word "liberal", which has been turned into an insult meaning essentially "communist"?
Cry me a fucking river. After the besmirching that my state, Massachusetts, got from nutjob Shrub, I really feel bad for the poor conservatives that their ideology has been wrested from them by authoritarian whackjobs like Ashcroft. Boo-fucking-hoo.
Finally Ashcroft saw what God was trying to tell him: switch jobs! Preferably one where you don't have any responsibility over other human beings.
What will all the liberal wankers complain about now that there object of hatred is gone!?!?!?!
Halle-FUCKING-lujah!!
...Ashcroft's statue was seen disrobing upon hearing of his resignation!
SourceHosting.net, LLC
Ready. Set. Code.
http://www.sourcehosting.net/
Can the president read five full pages?
Ah, got you at last, ZiakII! You finally show up on our radar screens, and our agents will be at your door within minutes. Please cooperate fully. Thank you.
Oh, wait a second, they didn't do that either.
'The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.'
So they figured out how anthrax from US Army labs was mailed to various members of congress and media outlets, and captured those responsible?
Actually, there was anthrax in the letter that Ashcroft gave him. It's the only way to "secur[e] the safety of Americans from crime and terror".
I love the closing comment:
"I have handwritten this letter so its confidentiality"
Now that he's gone, those terror alert level colors have simply got to go. I mean, helllloooo, ever heard of earth tones? And everyone knows pink is the new red. Sheesh.
We now need:
Cheney to get locked in his coffin as he sleeps after feeding on the blood of the living as I've been told he does on a daily basis.
Bush to go for a world pretzel eating record, choking in the process.
Rumsfield to get bitten by a rabid dog, contracting rabies and going slowing and humorously insane.
Looks can be deceiving. Or CAN they?
His work here is done.
"There's an old saying in Tennessee--I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee--that says, fool me once, shame on--shame on you. Fool me--you can't get fooled again."
--W, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
Godwin is watching.
HBI's Law: Frequency of calling others Nazis is directly correlated with the likelihood of the accuser being Communist.
I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck, in the meaningless theatre of war, to return to a world where rules are trampled on willy-nihily.
Come on, give it up, that's
I'm not even going to bother trying to understand that...
Ok... I concede defeat. Major combat operations have ended on Slashdot... (crosses fingers)
I was just passing along the dinnertime conversation - apparently no one in my family has done their research.
~stephen
"well, he's just now resigning...."
Clearly due to the fact that his stint as Attorney General was interfering with his duties as Sith Lord.
Let's see now:
/. submission that he said that he heard over dinner from his friend that HE heard...
On the one hand, an AP report by someone who did the research, tracked the documentation, talked to the people most directly involved,
VERSUS
A
WHO DO I BELIEVE? PLEASE, GOD HELP ME, WHO DO I BELIEVE?
is more appropriate:
Thank The Fuck Christ!
Honorably admitted, sir.
The face you lost in your (unwillful) spread of disinformation, you regained in your humble admission of defeat.
Kudos to you.
This might be considered to be a little psychotic.
Video of Ashcroft singing.
Ah, how sweet. Republicans lying to support the President's image. Such integrity.
There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, General Electric, and Exxon
Or what if someone offered you an analogy that was 90% bullshit and 10% stupid? Or maybe vice-versa...
I have handwritten this letter so its confidentiality can be maintained until the appropriate arrangements mentioned above can be made.
Hmm... Maybe he was worried about someone reading his screen through Van Eck phreaking?
Of course, there's always the possibility that the sound of keys being typed is more easily mapped to which key was hit than the sound of a pen scratching a sheet of paper can be mapped to the text being written. The fact that John Ashcroft himself is worried about such activities clearly implies that such sound-to-key-mapping equipment must be readily available to government agents. Also, he was concerned that he may be under surveillance.
Ashcroft's hat turns out to have been made of tin foil. Wow. Who knew?
namely, Asscroft...
Blogging because I can...
" Does anybody else think a five page handwritten letter sounds a bit psychotic?"
This is a guy who annointed himself with oil. I bet the ink was holy water based, the pages of fresh vellum made from the skin of a spotless lamb.
...does that mean that Ashcroft will have to come back?
You must think in Russian.
Kudos to you.
Don't blame him, he voted for Kodos!
.
Mark it "eight", Dude.
sudo eat my shorts
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go watch NASCAR."
You are clearly unaware of the homoerotic imagery rife in NASCAR: the body hugging fetishistic fire-suits, the in-car close ups of drivers grasping their gear sticks, the winner's giant magnum spurting over the crowd, yes, YES, YESSSSSS!!!
*Ahem*...