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Episode III Opening Crawl Released
moggyf writes "The official Star Wars website has revealed the opening crawler text for Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, currently scheduled for a May 19th, 2005 release."
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... click on this article and get "Nothing to see here, move along..."?
"Derp de derp."
47 49 46 38 49 61 35 02 DC 02 C4 00 00 E0 E0 E0
F0 F0 F0 10 10 10 D0 D0 D0 A0 A0 A0 30 30 30 20
20 20 90 90 90 60 60 60 50 50 50 70 70 70 B0 B0
B0 40 40 40 80 80 80 C0 C0 C0 00 00 00 FF FF FF
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00
00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 21 F9 04
00 00 00 00 00 2C 00 00 00 00 35 02 DC 02 00 05
FF 20 04 8E 64 69 9E 68 AA AE 6C EB BE 70 2C CF
[Lameness Filter encountered. Post aborted.]
Obliteracy: Words with explosions
Maybe this means that I'll see the Opening Crawl for Episode III before that poor bloke who started camping out in front of the theatre about a month ago!
"There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all."
- Bob Dylan
I just pissed my pants from excitement.
Slashdot = ((Technology + Politics) / Trolls) % Grammar Nazis
*sigh*
Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs - -all next week on Town Talk.
My god, how fucking stupid can Lucas get?
but meesa wait for the broadcast.
"A witty saying proves nothing." ~Voltaire
"d'Oh!" ~Homer
Why does it sound like the story line to Episode I? Seriously, Kidnapped (Captured) Political Figure, Jedi go save her. They dont need to use the story line from Episode 4 all 4 times.
Is it just me, or does the whole "back to the future" approach somehow degrade the Star Wars saga? The new stuff has nifty effects and all, but it just doesn't have the "feel" of the originals.
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
Annikin becomes Darth Vader!!
Three men walk into a bar. They all got concussions.
Separatist Droid Army and not SEPARATIST DROID ARMY?
Seriously, with the way the new crawl starts with the word "War!", Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!" or something else asinine.
--Chag
That's not true, that's IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
Episode III
REVENGE OF THE SITH
War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by
the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are
heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader,
General Grievous, has swept into the Republic
capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine,
leader of the Galactic Senate.
As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee
the besieged capital with their turgid hostage,
two Jedi Knights and a brave but clumsy Gungan
warrior lead a desperate mission to rescue the
captive Chancellor....
I guess that leaves the door open for whatever the upcoming Lucas Arts games.
Tyranny isn't the worst enemy of a democracy. Cynicism is.
And with that, the final raping of your childhood memories of Star Wars is now nearly at hand. Grab your wallet, grab your glasses, and grab your ankles.. May is coming sooner than you think!
No, I am your father.
See. See.
Look. Look. Look.
See. See. See.
See Anakin. See Anakin turn. Turn Anakin turn.
See Jedis. See Jedis die. Die Jedis die.
See Palpatine. See Palpatine rule. Rule Palpatine rule.
Look. See Darth Vader. See Amidala. See Amidala give birth and hide children. Hide them Amidala.
See Amidala die. Die Amidala die.
There's so much to see.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
It did say "This isn't the story you're looking for" at which point I had an uncontrollable urge to say "Move along, move along". That was weird.
Cash! The production house is crumbling
under attacks by the ruthless
Sith Lord, and Slashdot fanboys.
There are whiners on both sides.
Ennui is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Lucas, has swept into the
Hollywood capital and kidnapped
famous movie critics, and leaders of
the big studios.
As the exhasperated Slashdot army
attempts to flee the onslaught
of PR pushed by bought-for flaks
two Jedi Knights lead a
desperate mission to rescue the
captive franchise...
General Grievous is described on the star wars site basically as a cyborg, not a droid.
Or do they mean he's the general of a droid army?
These people need good writers, that's for sure.
It may only be a crawler when you first look, but I've just ordered this wonderful image enhancer sticker from an online store - the sticker's only about 1.5" by 2" and according to the spec it's manufactured from "advanced, outsized nanoparticles fused with filings from real phase inverted plasma conduits", and when you stick it on the side of your monitor you can see a full length screener of the film.
AT&ROFLMAO
Evil. It's the laughing at wholesale destruction and killing the Jedi that gives it away...
Which is the Empire and which is the Rebellion? Is Dooku on either one of those?
The (Old) Republic becomes The Empire. The Rebellion hasn't started (because it has nothing, yet, to rebel against). Dooku is on the side that will become The Empire.
Which side (Palpatine vs .Dooku) is the one that gets Darth Vader and the Storm Troopers?
Palpatine and Dooku are on the same side. They are both Sith (i.e. evil).
Since Palpatine is the Emperor, how can he be on both sides?
Palpatine is creating a war situation to allow him to seize tighter control and disband the senate. This is a fairly unoriginal trick amongst politicians (see Margret Thatcher in the UK and George W. Bush in the US for real life examples - although they were both a bit less blatant about it). Palpatine's minions are running the separatist movement, under his orders.
I've seen Episode II a bunch of times, but frankly, I can't figure it all out.
It's not exactly complicated...
I am TheRaven on Soylent News
I would be remiss in my duties if I did not bring up the Cosmic Wars crawler text.
The Gathering Shadow
It is a time of uncertainty. The
empire's ambiguous tariff statutes
mandate close reexamination of
galactic import quotas. Interim
Princess Agoomba has co-chaired
a subcommittee to draft amendments
to existing trade policies
Meanwhile, regulatory agencies
are being heavily lobbied by a
consortium of mercantile interest
groups and their suppliers to
streamline loading restrictions for
class C cargo vessels. The shipping...
My other computer is a Jacquard loom.
I'm pissing my pants with anticipation.... ... this just MAY be the worst Star Wars ever.
Watch IV, then V, then VI. Unless you're _really_ bored and/or inebriated, skip I and II. We'll see about III, but I'm not holding my breath....
"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful." - A. S. LaVey
*sigh*
Why 'General Grievous?'? Because General Electric was already taken!
rimshot
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Or does anyone else think that Lucas should spice up Episode III with some breakdancing?
May I suggest Battlestar Galactica as an alternative. Sci-fi for grownups.
It's not a lie. It's the truth with lossy compression.
Yadda yadda
Just kill Jar Jar FFS!
Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. -- Hunter S. Thompson
Thanks to the Internet, you'll see Star Wars Episode III before that sad git camping out in line for tickets. /Tom Selleck
the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
TURGID
[adj] abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas; "tumescent tissue"; "puffy tumid flesh"
Unless Lucas himself is playing Chancellor Palpatine I'm not sure how this description applies. Is it really necessary to point out that the guy is really fat in opening crawl?
Either that or "turgid" is sometimes used as an oblique reference to having a stiffy... and that REALLY doesn't need to be in the opening crawl, IMHO.
=tkk
Bill Gates - Creationist?!?
Your next best option is to find someone with the original 3 movies on laserdisc.
There are very good quality DVD-R ISOs of the original 3 ripped from laserdisc floating around the net. Nice to see Han shooting first.
Trolling is a art,
He actually named a bad guy "General Grevious"???
What a breathtaking lack of creativity. I look forward to seeing his counterpart on the other side, Major Niceguy.
Read my blog.
Check out this parody of Episode III. The guy did some nice work. Looks like everything is green screen. Funny as hell. http://www.sequentialpictures.com/moviestarwarsepi sode3.html
I would watch 4-5-6 first because if you watch 1-2-3 before 4-5-6, the big punch "Luke... I AM..." in ep5 will be spoiled because you saw ep3.
:)
Yes, SW should be more enjoyable in the 456123 order, or better in the 456 order.
Hey, why not trying 654321? It must be fun
perception is reality
I read an interview once where George said that he lets his kids name that characters...
Hence: Jar Jar, Dooku, Grievous, Elan Sleazebaggo (don't believe me? look it up), etc.
My mom says I'm cool.
Since Palpatine is the Emperor, how can he be on both sides?
He's a politician, right? It doesn't matter which side of the aisle he sits on, he's evil through and through.
Seriously, episodes 4, 5, and 6 were about the rebels (clearly good guys fighting for their freedom) overcoming the "evil empire". It was clear where the good/bad distinction was. In episodes 1, 2, and 3, it's the story about how they got to that point. There were no clear sides, just decay throughout the entire old republic. Some people were good and some people were bad, but the good guys weren't organized to see what was going on.
To me, this is all very much related to how we all perceive world events. In the late 70's, early 80's, there was a clear good and bad side to the world (from our perspective in the west). The soviets were the "evil empire", and we were all the good guys fighting for freedom. In this day and age, the lines have blurred. Nobody's sure who's on "our" side, and we're all afraid about terrorists infiltrating our own neighourhoods. We still want to live by the old ideals of freedom, but we are also aware that there are people in power who might not have the noblest intentions. It's hard to paint Iraq or Iran as truly "evil" because we shy away from stereotypes now. The governments can't unite us against any enemy that we can't all agree is evil.
When I was growing up 20 years ago, the U.S. was the ultimate "good guy" nation. Now, none of us (outside the U.S.) know who the good guys really are anymore. Many of us expect the U.S. to turn on the rest of us merely out of its own self interest, even if it's against its own self-proclaimed principles to do so. Within the U.S., it seems like many people also worry about whether their own government will turn on them some day.
Movies tend to mirror the ideas and fears of the time when they are made. These movies are no exception.
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
''As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their turgid hostage''
Turgid hostage!
Did Senator Palpatine get a woody while being held down ?
Turgid:
1. Excessively ornate or complex in style or language; grandiloquent: turgid prose.
2. Swollen or distended, as from a fluid; bloated: a turgid bladder; turgid veins.
On the other hand you can say that all the Lucas movies are turgid.
A droid, in the shape and likliness of a human, holding two lightsabers. I mean honestly!
Oops! You didn't study the picture closely enough. Gen. Grievous is clearly wielding not two but THREE lightsabers. Let's all raise our voices to congratulate Mr. Lucas for striking off in this radical new direction.
It's not exactly complicated...
Actually, I agree with the GP. I have followed all of the movies and Ep II is way too complicated (not to mention boring). I had to watch it three times in order to understand ANY of the politics (on HBO -- I wasn't about to pay to see the movies in the theater again).
I consider Ep II to suffer from a similar problem to Godfather III. Each movie is way too complex (the Senatorial politics of Ep II/the Vatican politics of G-III)). And, each movie has one horrendous acting performance (Hayden Christiansen/Sophia Coppolla).
Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!"
No point in giving away the film in the first ten seconds.
Where does the school board find them and why do they keep sending them to ME?
Note to Scroll Writing Staff:
Please rework Scroll to include the phrase "hot space-monkey nookie".
Please, no Wookie-Nookie jokes.
THX, GL
"A microprocessor... is a terrible thing to waste." --
GeneralEmergency
Star Wars has now become a parody of Space Balls...
The opening crawls in the original trilogy served as a method of allowing the movie to open in medias res without the audience having a sense of disorientation. In the latter two movies this included an aspect of establishing that time had passed since the previous movie-- but, no meaningful or potentially interesting-to-watch events were in this way "skipped", it is simply made clear to us that what we expected has occurred in the intervening time (the war continues, Luke continues to train, Vader turned Solo over to Jabba the Hutt) with perhaps one or two little bits of information that alert us as to the movie's focus (the Imperials are known to be building a weapon capable of destroying an entire planet).
In the prequel trilogies the crawls have served two purposes. The intentional purpose is to allow George Lucas to weasel out of characterization, establishing setting and place, and moving the plot along. Unlike the original trilogies, where the Star Wars universe's background and nature was established incidentally, through subtle details of what we see and hear during the movie, in the prequel trilogies they just use the opening crawl to say "plop, there it is", and disorientingly slam down the characters and setting they wish to put the movie in. After this point, since they seem to consider themselves thus freed from explaining themselves, they completely refrain during the movie from elaborating on the things the opening crawl sketches or filling in details beyond the crawl's bare outline (where is Naboo and why, if in any obvious way, are they important? who is the Trade Federation and why should we care? who is "count dooky", why would someone have heard of him, what does he claim he wants, and why does this all appear to be important to someone who does not know his true aspirations? who is "grevious", how and why is he starting a droid army, and what are the implications of this? most importantly what would the answer to these questions appear to be to someone within the movie-- not us the viewer, to whom the answers are "he's the bad guy and he wants to rule the world", what would an average citizen of the Republic think Dooku to be?) and so use the time freed up within the movie in this way to concentrate on roller-coaster-style but otherwise long, boring and irrelivant action scenes.
The unintentional purpose of the prequel trilogy opening crawls is to bash you over the head with how stupid all these character names are ("Grevious"? "Dooku"??? I mean come on!), just in case the majesty of John Williams' opening score might otherwise distract you from the suspicion that the entire plotline to the prequel trilogy was written by Lucas's 4-year-old child in a single sitting some years ago in crayon on a napkin.
Irritable, left-wing and possibly humorous bumper stickers and t-shirts
Major Payne!
myke
Mimetics Inc. Twitter
(I keed, I keed)
Schnapple
Given that this is a story of the fall of the Republic and the Rise of the Empire, Lucas' literary allusion here seems to have all of the subtlety of a high-speed halfbrick to the cranium.
Come on, everyone-- ripping off Shakespeare is a noble literary tradition !
//Information does not want to be free; it wants to breed.
Obi-won chops off Anakin's other real hand and both of his legs.
Obi-won: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Anakin: I'm invincible!
Obi-won: You're a loony.
Anakin: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.
[...]
Anakin: All right; we'll call it a draw... Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!
According to http://www.e-paranoids.com/c/cr/crawl.html: "In television, a text crawl is a moving line of text usually put at the bottom of the screen. It is generally set up to convey news and up-to-the-minute information about weather and other critical situations. A text crawl is an application of the computer graphics technique of scrolling. Text crawls became standard on news broadcasts in the wake of the September 11, 2001 attacks."
Ergo, in this case it is simply a screen-wide vertical text crawl.
Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever.
Mr. Lucas, is that you?
Fool me once (Ep I), shame on me.
Fool me twice (EpII)... uh... can't get fooled again.
That twit isn't getting any more of my money. For Ep II he only got the rental money, this time he isn't getting squat.
My beliefs do not require that you agree with them.
Seems to be pandering to the "no one is ever wrong" crowd. The beauty of SW was that good and evil were so well defined. The Empire BAD - Rebellion GOOD.
It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.
There's an old saying on Tatooine -- I know it's on Naboo, probably on Tatooine -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.
- Darth Doobyu