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How To Talk To Aliens
Frederic Friedel writes: "In their efforts to talk to alien civilizations human beings are currently
engaged in sending pictures based on a rectangular array of dots, arranged
from left to right and top to bottom. But is this stategy sound? For
instance
what if the aliens do not see in pictures at all, or if they think in vector
graphics rather than bitmap? On ChessBase.com
grandmaster John Nunn proposes sending them a
trading machine instead."
SHOUT A WHOLE LOT. It makes you easier to understand.
first post.
I sure hope someone figures out how to talk to aliens sometime soon. I keep asking the IT guys to fix my computer, but I've not yet gotten a response.
We trade'em some pr0n.
What if they're a communist society? Certainly they shall be disgusted at our capitalist ways.
This is why we need to send them what everybody loves...
Pr0n!
But is this stategy sound?
No. Aliens will look at the pictures and wonder what:
"ÿØÿà" means, when they open it in a text editor. Simply put, there is no easy way to communicate with Aliens. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:
Imagine you're on a mountain top and you want to send a communication to someone else on another mountain top. What form of communication do you use? If you're trying to reach another human being you might be able to send smoke signals, and it would help to know what language that person speaks, or the communication won't work -- they will see the smoke but interpret it incorrectly.
If you fire up a short wave and start sending broadcasting, the other party would only be able to listen if they have the same equipment or at least the ability to listen and understand what you're sending. So high tech is dependant on the odds that your independent civilizations went in the same direction in their research and development, which statistically is likely implausible.
The bottom line is that we might send information into space that will provoke the wrong response, or worse -- we might cause the aliens to believe that there is a strange natural phenomena on Earth that is not worthy of scientific study, and cause them to ignore any future attempts at communication. We should be attracting aliens by producing a stable intergalactic fleet of killer robot ships. They will want to trade with us if we have heavy firepower. It's a status thing, really.
If the aliens are evil, they will respect us. If they are peaceful, they will want to come and try to enlighten us. If we have massive intergalactic firepower, it's a win / win.
If we are weak, the evil aliens will subjugate us into slavery and good aliens will skip us because they have more pressing matters to attend to - such as the rise of a new threat in another quadrant of space they need to try and enlighten.
Therefore, the missile defense program would benefit Canada and the US - because of the aliens!
Sending signals into a void won't be successful.
The dangers of knowledge trigger emotional distress in human beings.
I bet they don't support PNG, either.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
Can they tell me how to talk to women?
Could happen. Hey, it worked for these guys.
I want to drag this out as long as possible. Bring me my protractor.
You speak to them in Spanish.
First Interstellar Spam:
Boost your engine efficiency by 300% - Contact EARTH!!!!11
With my old trusty rocketlauncher.
I never leave home without it.
welcome our chess playing urg alkjdlkwmne
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'lo all, we hve descph3rd U'r lanugage from th!s thing U call the 'net.' We hoope U get our l33t! commun!casion. struth afk
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overlords.
In Soviet Russia, asses suck this joke.
...then it's the fact that all aliens speak english, everywhere, be they green-blooded pointy-eared intrigant warmongers or some kind of vampiric drow-morlocks from another galaxy. OK, that was SG:Atlantis, but anyway, everyone speaks english. Except Klingons. Out of spite, I suppose.
Something to the effect of "Hello and welcome to the Earth. Please ensure you have filled out all necessary documentation and are carrying a valid Earth passport. Aliens that are not in compliance with current Earth visitation regulations will be sent back to planet of origin. Thank you."
News Reporters Make Tasty Polar Bear Treats!
Stop announcing that we are here.
Odds are, there's nobody out there listening. Seriously. Space is really big and really empty. The nearest star with a planet is mind-numbingly far away, and the nearest star likely to have a planet which supports life as we know it is even farther away. It's a safe bet that one would need to go yet even farther to find a planet where even tool-users have evolved, let alone an advanced civilization.
If anybody out there is able to get the and reply anytime soon, then they are probably sufficiently advanced that they would probably regard us as little more than animals. Very noisy animals. They will simply blow up the Earth to stop us from hogging bandwith with out SETI broadcasts.
So please, for the sake of humanity, STFU.
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
ERROR: You do not have a client license for the feature NUCLEARFUSION. Please contact licensing@earthtechnologysales.earth and report FlexLM error number 0x7008930B.
Carousel is a lie!
Remember, if you are communicating with Klingons, loudspeakers that playing recordings of properly-structured sentences is not enough. There must be a device to spray spittle at the same time the sound is output.
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
If they can understand Perl, they can understand just about any human language.
This sig does not contain any SCO code.
Was Picard reading Contact, by Carl Sagan, while he was being held captive?
Ironically, the word ironically is often used incorrectly.
At least someone in any civilisation would be interested in us.
After all, there people on earth interested in the behavioural patterns of bacteria... and movie stars.
Now we can find out if Earth girls are easy.
How are they going to moderate it?
Troll? Offtopic? Flamebait? Interesting? Funny? Insightful?
The aliens I would really like to communicate with are the more ancient ones who are going to metamoderate...
"I am Gugvunt Blaharn,the only son of late former Grand Dominator, Chief Gugvunt Vader Sr of Vulcan Diamond and Mining corporation.
I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is my bond, in this proposal. My late father diverted these space-credits meant for purchase of ammunition and General Products hulls, for my homeworld, during the peak of disastrous civil war in our planets, now he has deposited the money in the BANK in Tattoine, where I amresiding under political asylum with my mother Mary Many-Tentacles and younger brood sister.
Now the war in my country is over with the help of Romulan soldiers, the present government of Vulcan has revoked the passport of all officers who served under the former regime and now ask star empires to expel such person at the same time freeze their account and confiscate their asset, it is on this note that I am contacting you, all I needed from you is to furnish me with your bank particulars:
1) Account name
2) Account number
3) Number of tentacles
4) Enumerated psychic powers that can be used as weapons
5) Bank address, telephone and fax number, and # of P.O. box on Vogon homeworld.
For you to assist me transfer these credits your private bank account, the said amount is $17.5 Million or equivalent weight in gold-pressed latinum.
I am compensating you with 20 % of the total credits, now all my hope is banked on you and I really wants to invest this money in your planet, were their is stability of government, spontaneous mutations Borg colonization, political and economic welfare.
Honestly I want you to believe that this transaction is real and never a joke. My late father gave me the certificate of deposit issued to him by the BANK on the date of deposit, for you to be clarify because, I do not expose my self to anybody I see, I believe that you are able to keep this transaction secret for me because this money is the hope of my life, it is important."
Don't blame Durga. I voted for Centauri.
normal language based on misspellings, like "stategy", or will be staunch right-wingers and understand Bush's "strategery".
Christ, if that happens, we'll pretty much *deserve* a little visit from the Vogons.
Bill Clinton: Pimp we can believe in. - The Shirt!!!
All your chess belong to us
This is not here.
they don't see in Bitmap. I just accidentally sent a picture of Goatse up.
Uh oh... slashdotters are now looking to alien life for "companionship"?
I am not in anyway affiliated with Max Cannon
It just occured to me that the only way you can make anything, and I mean thing, not person, aware of you is by making a large signal in the form of "yoohoo, hallooo, hey!". In other words by making a very big bang visible over light years in most of the wavelengths of the EM spectrum.
:D
Maybe blow up Jupiter
The AI program would continually check its own integrity and its ability to modify itself. If these checks failed then it could self-destruct. The aliens would then have to start again with a fresh copy of the program which would, at the least, be irritating.
Windows 98 used a similar strategy to prohibit productivity. You would be almost done with a word document and the PC would lock tight.
What evidence is there that Aliens regard firepower as something important? Maybe the aliens fear a giant intergalactic dildo more? To be on the safe side we should do both and put them in orbit immediately.
Standards Schmandards
Porn.
However, trying to imagine what might turn on a silicon based amoeboid lifeform with communal intelligence is a real mind bender.
_O_
.|< The named which can be named is not the true named
Vegetation doesn't communicate as such, it just passes laws which we all have to follow.
I bet this is what would be sent.
To serve man... it's a cookbook!
the technology even makes sure they move their mouths as though they were pronouncing words in English too..
That's because the translator is messing not only with the ears, but also with the eyes, that way, if you're deaf, you can still read on their lips...
Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
You, my friend, are a geek....
--------------------------------------------- SignalGod ---------------------------------------------
Maybe they have a computer somewhere that sends them a report any time one of us says something of interest to them.
And then what? They mod it up? =)
Actually, I think the biggest barrier to interstellar communication is that we don't know what they use for carriage return.
It's not offtopic, dumbass. It's orthogonal.
Men and Women differ by one Chromosome in 26, which works out to roughly a 4% difference in genes. A male Chimpanzee has only about a 2% difference from a male human. Ergo, despite my best efforts in the case of women, I have twice the chance of understanding Bonzo as I do understanding my wife.
As further proof of that, she doesn't understand this excuse.
Who is John Cabal?
AlienTwo: That planet just got posted to SquiggleSpork. It's probably blob of molten iron now.
AlienOne: <Sounds of amusement>
Probably the same thing that happened to your "k" in "know."
(\(\
(=_=) Bani!
(")")