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Google Moves Into Drink Market

Posted by Zonk on from the mmmm-google-juice dept.

atrader42 writes "Google has announced on its main page a mysterious new product called "Google Gulp". Featuring qualities such as "autodrink" and brain optimization, Google Gulp promises to be the drink of the future. Although one may be concerned about the fine print, which includes provisions such as "Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter," we should be able to trust them on this. What's next? Yahoo Yoohoo? MSN Munchies?"

14 of 199 comments (clear)

  1. I'm probably reading too much into this, but... by Kittyflipping · · Score: 4, Interesting

    It looks like they might have used this to comment on some of the issues brought up in yesterdays article about prefetching...

    4. What if I don't want to use Auto-Drink(TM)?
    No problem - simply turn off Auto-Drink(TM) on your Google Gulp preferences page.

    5. Well, shouldn't Auto-Drink(TM) be default-off?
    You mean we should cripple a perfectly useful feature just because of a little bad PR?

    1. Re:I'm probably reading too much into this, but... by saskboy · · Score: 4, Funny

      Google is also supporting DRM Drink Rights Management with this new product. If you don't first swallow their brand name Blue Pill, then the gDrink renders your digestive system inoperable until you take it.

      --
      Saskboy's blog is good. 9 out of 10 dentists agree.
    2. Re:I'm probably reading too much into this, but... by jonasj · · Score: 4, Funny

      Not only that, they use the same FAQ to poke fun at the way they marketed Gmail :-)

      7. How can I get my hands on a Google Gulp?
      This "limited release" beta product is available to anyone who turns in a used Google Gulp bottle cap at any local retailer. If you don't have any Gulp caps, ask a friend to give you one.

      8. What if none of my friends have a Gulp cap to give me? Can't you just give Google Gulp to anyone who wants it?
      Well, we're thinking about it, but, um, you have to understand that there are many considerations which go into deciding how to distribute --

      9. I mean, isn't this whole invite-only thing kind of bogus?
      Dude, it's like you've never even heard of viral marketing.

      --
      You know, Microsoft's street address also says a lot about their mentality.
  2. A Proposal by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Murder should be legal if it serves the greater good. Discuss.

  3. privacy policy by ack154 · · Score: 5, Funny
    Best. Privacy Policy. Ever.

    Google Gulp and Your Privacy

    From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp's usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex(TM), a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear.
    1. Re:privacy policy by DA_MAN_DA_MYTH · · Score: 3, Funny

      This is when I spit my google gulp all over my screen...

      No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear.

      I'll see your Joe Schmoe's contact information and raise you Jane Doe's SSN.

      --
      "It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it."
  4. I know!!! by Progman3K · · Score: 3, Funny

    As a great april fools joke, how about when the NEXT dumb joke-story gets posted, all the trolls who would normally whine "BORING" or "STOP ALREADY" or whatever simply DON'T post anything?

    THAT would be unexpected and hilarious!

    --
    I don't know the meaning of the word 'don't' - J
  5. Get it on Ebay! by vjmurphy · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Pick up a cap on Ebay!

    http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item =5181692476&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1

    --
    Vincent J. Murphy
    Spandex Justice
  6. It's already on eBay by Jonavin · · Score: 4, Interesting

    ... somebody has a bottle cap for sale:

    http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item =7146537131

  7. A joke of course... by GweeDo · · Score: 4, Interesting

    The thing that I think is great about this is that Google is basically willing to poke fun at themself. There are obviously tons of people that freak out about Gmail's method of showing ads when you view your emails and such, and here we have Google cracking jokes at their own practices. Just classic.

    --
    Unstable Apps: Our Android Apps Don't Suck
  8. from the faq by IamLarryboy · · Score: 5, Interesting

    Q When will you take Google Gulp out of beta?

    A Man, if you pressure us, you just drive us away. We'll commit when we're ready, okay? Besides, what's so great about taking things out of beta? It ruins all the romance, the challenge, the possibilities, the right to explore. Carpe diem, ya know? Maybe we're jaded, but we've seen all these other companies leap headlong into 1.0, thinking their product is exactly what they've been dreaming of all their lives, that everything is perfect and hunky-dory and the next thing you know some vanilla copycat release from Redmond is kicking their butt, the Board is holding emergency meetings and the CEO is on CNBC blathering sweatily about "a new direction" and "getting back to basics." No thanks, man. We like our freedom.

  9. Nothing New by Quirk · · Score: 4, Funny

    The beer industry has been on to this forever. When I drink beer I'm smater, cooler and have the moves to hit on chicks. The beer makers must have a feedback mechanism built into the product as they know what the chicks I want look like and how cool and how much smater I want to be... just watch the commercials.

    --
    "Academicians are more likely to share each other's toothbrush than each other's nomenclature."
    Cohen
  10. April Fools challenge by ashot · · Score: 5, Insightful

    The hard part today is figuring out which story is for real.. stay tuned

    --
    -ashot
  11. Re:NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. by geomon · · Score: 3, Insightful

    My first reaction to your post was to agree that I am getting sick of April Fool's jokes on information channels. But I try to visualize Slashdot as one, big room filled with geeks talking about stuff. Not all of the stuff is serious; hell, not all of it is relevant to tech.

    But this isn't google news or excite or yahoo. I think the expectation is that I will read some *truly* insightful stuff as I wade through all the GNAA and goats.cx crap.

    Provided this isn't how it looks 365, I'm not unhappy enough to quit reading and posting.

    If this really pisses you off, let me suggest that you grab your local newspaper and head down for a beer at your favorite watering hole. I'm sure that the combination of beer, newsprint, and conversation with the locals will mellow your mood a bit.

    --
    "Rocky Rococo, at your cervix!"