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U.N. Decides to Shut Down Internet Permanently
Ant writes "This story says the United Nations General Assembly voted 165 to 6 with one abstention to shut down the Internet. The reason given was that the rapid and uncontrolled flow of information was destabilizing the governments of many of the member states. Furthermore, the Internet has increasingly become a vehicle for fraud and scams. Finally, the Internet produced the infamous "DOT COM" debacle which had disastrous repercussions for the World economy."
They read Slashdot today, and I must say I support them.
Hehe, yeah, good one. APRIL FO
NO CARRIER
that means no more stupid April Fool stories.
Nice try ...
Last post ever! The internet is dying! Netcraft confirms it! UN is to destroy the intarweb!
You know, an April Fool is actually supposed to fool someone. Nobody could be stupid enough to be fooled by this!
as another addition to the tally of shitty half assed /. April fools.
lol prankd
Wow, I thought 3-4 was a lot of jokes... But this many!?!? Please grant me some sort of Slashdot JOKE filter :'(
Then I can get rid of all of these lame 'jokes'
My UID is prime... is yours?
That'll put a damper on the whole Yahoo/Google merger thing!
Paleotechnologist and connoisseur of pretty shiny things.
I can see it now.. "Hello, tech support? My internet is down"
Where is the GNAA when you need them???
I
Oh pleeeeease. Now you're not even trying. :)
That sucks.
any real news today ?
Gah! you are late!
// I ate your lunch
It's gotta be April 2nd somewhere on Earth! The jokes can stop now! YAY!
It would be just my luck that this isn't a joke. I didn't bother to RTFA... in fact, I haven't bothered all day.
"False hope is why we'll never run out of natural resources!" - Lewis Black
Stop.
Now.
I hate April Fool's Day.
It's not even April 1st anymore in this part of the world, and it's well past noon everywhere else.
And: It's not funny.
But as it's the 2nd of April where I am I guess I'm safe.
"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!" - Alfred E. Neuman
......
no laugh track can save you
In Soviet Russia, Internet shuts down YOU!
California is offering free vasectomies to fat people...
Good riddance. Maybe that will end the cost of first posts on people's productivity.
This is good for Our Rights Online. Finally our online privacy can no longer be threatened by the government!
Also means an end to spam, as a side bonus.
One of those must have been Nigeria: much of their economy depends on access. Who were the other five?
One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
Wow, how funny.
whats the date any way? April 1st??
why does slashdot have to let EVERY SINGLE ONE of these through?
portfolio
If you mod this up, your slashdot background will turn into a beautiful sunset!
After a while these inane stories get really annoying.
Lost at C:>. Found at C.
Can we be done with this crap now?
the first thing I've seen on Slashdot that actually had some humor value....
YAY! Finally a cure for slashdotting!
I like muppets.
HaHaHaa HaHa :)
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
HaHaHa
H
HaHaHa
Ain't April Fool's Day grand? LOL
No guys... Write your congressman! This one's real!
...I mean it, we saw this story already on /.
shame! shame!
I don't mind a few April Fool's jokes, but an entire day of BS posted to the front page sucks. They should tag them or something so I can filter them out. It shows up in my rss aggregator and everything too.
Please stop posting all these stupid stories in between the real stories.
Alright guys, one April Fool's was funny. But not the entire day?! What's next. The pope died! Oh, April Fools. Seriously guys, you've lost a lot of slashdot readers today.
Developers: Idle Loop Optimized
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the more-efficient-use-of-clock-time dept.
seebs writes "Every so often someone makes a joke about optimizing the idle loop, but this article actually does it. " It's about time too- that process has been eating up clock cycles for to long.
Science: Positive Proof of Water on Mars
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the now-we-can-put-that-one-to-rest dept.
pauliecronopolis was one of many people that noted that the popular Astronomoy Picture of the Day page has photographic proof of water on mars. It will be a little difficult for those of you who don't have a degree on geology to spot the evidence, but with a little efort, I think you'll be able to make it out.
Apple: Monkeys Don't Like Macs
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the but-they-fling-a-helluva-poo dept.
sebFlyte writes "silicon.com is reporting on a new twist on some oft-done probability research, into the suggestion that an infinite number of monkeys will eventually produce a perfect script for Hamlet , given typewriters (or indeed keyboards) and enough time. The researchers claims that the monkeys used in their test preferred using systems running Windows XP to those running Mac OSX. Which begs the question -- do only monkeys use windows, or can even monkeys tell macs aren't worth bothering with?"
ePlus
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the - - dept.
anonymous writes "
"
Magic Supersecret Anagram T-Shirt
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the black-is-the-new-pink dept.
Jesus Christ Himself, No Really The One Who Died For Your Sins On a Big Wooden Cross a Couple Thousand Years Ago and is a Little Cranky that You've Only Gone To Church Twice so Far This Decade wrote in to say "Hey you guys should check out the Magic Supersecret Anagram T-Shirt. It'll really blow your mind. It's available from ThinkGeek. (TG is owned by OSTG, the parent company of Slashdot, so activate all conspiracy theories now). You can also look into the new iPod accessory iCopulate which allows intimacy between mp3 players never before fantasized. And for the suit that has everything, Executve Pong.
Think Geek Shafts O' Poo
Apple: Steve Jobs to Become Ikea CEO
Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
from the third-times-the-charm dept.
RLewis1241 writes "According to The Register, Steve Jobs seems to be broadening his horizons: "IKEA will employ Jobs as "acting CEO", from next month. The technology icon will maintain his twin CEO roles at Apple Computer Inc. and Pixar Inc. but will also take command with a wide-ranging brief at the retail giant""
Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
I take that back this is beyond retarded with all these April fools half baked jokes..
Rember kiddys April Fools ends at 12:00PM on April 01 in your local time zones..
If they shut down the internet, how are you reading this?
Maybe the next story will be /. announcing that there'll be no more dupes :-D
Are you local? There's nothing for you here!
Why can't they outlaw April Fool's things on the internet? I rather enjoyed the RFC's in the old days (Pigeons HAH!) and the new Klingon thing, but it's really getting tired.
Looking forward to tomorrow ...
.. paranoid crackpot leftover from the days of Amiga.
Russia launches nuclear missles at US....
well..the pattern seems to be going that way...
this is like when slashdot first started 39 comments
so much for posting "stuff that matters" ay /. ?
Last two guys on the internet:
Guy 1: OK, you hang up now.
Guy 2: No, YOU hang up. Then I'll hang up.
Guy 1: No, you...
I've seen better April Fools Day pranks than this one.
Besides, if this were true, would it matter what the UN said or did?
Actually, it would probably be a good thing, I wouldn't get so much SPAM from China. I'd sure like to filter the entire country of China from sending me anything.
-- No sig for you!
Really.. one or two stories is nice..but every other story an april fools joke? allright ....allright we get it ..its april 1st.. now please post regualar stories. no not the dupes!
Don't worry, guys. With the current success rate of the UN being what it is, I wouldn't be too terribly concerned even if this were actually true. ;)
Forget April fools. This is freaking retarded.
I, for one, welcome our new joke-killing overlords.
It's on a day like this that if someone were to set us up the bomb, I doubt any of the editors would notice. They would instead continue to report on how V14gr.a spam might too make you blind, that technical typesetters have a tendency towards LaTeX fetishes, and that some clever sod at U.S. Navy research has bodged together a covert surveillance device by attaching a camera to an iPod, and called it an iEye.
I can kind of see this happening if George Orwell won a bet with God, but that's about it. Try harder next year.. PLEASE!
SIG: HUP
Havent you humorless whiners realized that the more you complain about April Fools jokes the more April Fools jokes these guys will post? Not only do you not have a sense of humor, but your clueless also. Dont like it? BROWSE CNN FOR GODS SAKE, or google news.
They can have it when they take it out of my cold dead hands.
Well, there goes AOL and Internet explorer. Along with it go crappy pay to view websites like the New York Times and Gamespot. The internet will go totally underground, so it'll be even easier to find Warez and dog-on-pig porn. Free at last!
Isn't the point of April Fool's is to try and FOOL someone? This 'story' is so lame it's not even remotely possible (forget the Bill Gates & Hawaii thing thrown in).
The UN doesn't have the power to shut down the Internet in the first place, making the entire story unbelievable. Nice attempt. NOT!
Nah, too easy!!
My son put tape on the faucet and drenched me this morning. I put crisco on the door knob for his room. When he got home his sister asked him for something from his room. Now _THAT_ is April Fools!Surprise!
Back in the old days, on April Fools day, most people forgot. And pranks were low-profile. You had to be careful to spot it.
In school we had a sysadmin who'd send a prank e-mail to everyone. Same style as the usual informative mail he'd send from time to time. Everytime it was a subtle thing, often a follow-up of another affair or story going on, which made the mail seem more natural. And that prank was alone and enough.
Back in the old days, Slashdot did one or two prank stories in the day. The rest was clean and pure.
Now it seems EVERY SINGLE story is a poor joke! It's clogging up the news stream. Don't post stories which just recount pranks from other news sites! Have one original slashdot prank (Slashcode to be CSS2/XHTML compliant!), and let stay at that!
Misleading titles? Inflammatory blurbs? Keep in mind that Slashdot is a tabloid.
There's about half a dozen stories in "The Mysterious Future", so I guess Taco hasn't taken the hint that these "stories" aren't appreciated. Weekday stories getting less than 50 comments should be a clue, but apparently not.
Look, the whole fake story to fool the gullible was pretty funny about seven years ago, but it's just annoying now. Perhaps if the fake stories had even a semblance of believability, or were even remotely funny, it might work, but a dozen or more unfunny attempts at humor just doesn't cut it.
The good news is that we won't have an April 1st on a weekday again until 2008, so that's 3 years until this drudgery repeats itself.
was wrong with This?
- wait until april 1st /.
- write a stupid story, anywhere
- submit the link with a stupid description to
too late, bwahahahahahahahaaaaa
Look out your window and count the nerds jumping from their windows. We've got 3 here so f.. no, 4 now!
I wouldn't worry about it guys, apparently Kojo Anan has been put in charge of the shutdown and the EFF has made a deal to cut him a monthly check for the next few years "not to compete" with the internet. So...keep up those donations!
m
I've should have completed my own personal cache of all internet content before they pull the plug.
So much to do, so little bandwidth.
--
Try Mozilla
Slashdot has the WORST april fools jokes of any web site i liked wikipedia's the best and i almost fell for it :-)
Nothing for you to see here, please move along.
Why?? I thought one purpose of the internet was to allow scientists in Universities to share information throughout the world. Again, I haven't heard of any news from reputable news sources like CNN.com. I couldn't find any press releases on http://www.un.org/ either.
anyone who has dumped their oldschool us robotics, go find one and then... atz atdt 7574368
OH my God Where am I going to get my daily supply of Porn.
This is unbelievably ridiculous and inane. Please stop this drivel permanently. For God's sake, please think of the children. Seriously, this is stupid fucking shit, quit now, and never do this again.
Shut down the internet....Hmm I'm guessing only a genius like Bush would think that so people would have to drive for information and supply his friends at the oil companies with more money (and im not an idiot i know this is april fools day, I just wanted an excuse to say something :P )
"Damn, I was just getting ready to invade it!"
help me i've cloned myself and can't remember which one I am
The story is obviously fake along with the rest today, but this one asks a good "what if" question.
Seriously, what would we do if one day we found out that the Internet had in some way been taken down or make illegal?
...their names are Ace and Gary then?
You can hold down the "B" button for continuous firing.