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U.N. Decides to Shut Down Internet Permanently

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the we-were-sick-of-it-anyway dept.

Ant writes "This story says the United Nations General Assembly voted 165 to 6 with one abstention to shut down the Internet. The reason given was that the rapid and uncontrolled flow of information was destabilizing the governments of many of the member states. Furthermore, the Internet has increasingly become a vehicle for fraud and scams. Finally, the Internet produced the infamous "DOT COM" debacle which had disastrous repercussions for the World economy."

68 of 105 comments (clear)

  1. The real reason they're shutting it down by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    They read Slashdot today, and I must say I support them.

    1. Re:The real reason they're shutting it down by mindriot · · Score: 2, Funny

      Heh... I'm just waiting for all the LAST POST trolls now...

  2. Right... by The+Spoony · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hehe, yeah, good one. APRIL FO

  3. First po by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    NO CARRIER

  4. Good by darth_MALL · · Score: 5, Insightful

    that means no more stupid April Fool stories.

    1. Re:Good by TheWanderingHermit · · Score: 1

      No, it means Taco will have to work for a living now.

  5. April Fool! by killdashnine · · Score: 1

    Nice try ...

    1. Re:April Fool! by Surye · · Score: 2

      Really? Was it?

    2. Re:April Fool! by baadger · · Score: 1

      'fraid not.

  6. last post! by krudler · · Score: 2, Funny

    Last post ever! The internet is dying! Netcraft confirms it! UN is to destroy the intarweb!

    1. Re:last post! by Rylz · · Score: 1

      Don't worry, it's ok! Notice they used "internet" in the singular, not plural, form! As our dear president would have you know, Slashdot is quite safe, as it has an internet of its own!

      --
      Sometimes you've gotta roll the hard six.
  7. April *fool* by Nermal6693 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    You know, an April Fool is actually supposed to fool someone. Nobody could be stupid enough to be fooled by this!

    1. Re:April *fool* by Seigen · · Score: 1

      You have a point. I've seen nigerian scam emails that were much more convincing.

    2. Re:April *fool* by the_sidewinder · · Score: 1

      Or when there have been no believable stories today

      --
      /. is not to be used by individuals with high blood pressure or a history of heart attacks
    3. Re:April *fool* by the_sidewinder · · Score: 1

      This is still one of the better stories today, though

      --
      /. is not to be used by individuals with high blood pressure or a history of heart attacks
    4. Re:April *fool* by InfiniteWisdom · · Score: 2, Interesting

      Never EVER underestimate fools. For example this guy probably was worried sick that his beloeved Internet connection is going to be yanked away from him and eventually figured it out and rushed to tell everyone else about it!

    5. Re:April *fool* by pudge · · Score: 1

      Yes, some people will be fooled by it. But it's still the dumbest April Fool's joke I've seen in a long time. First, because many nations base their economy largely on the Internet, like, oh, India and the U.S. And even if you are so far left you think the U.S. wants to stifle all free speech ... since when has the current U.S. administration been seriously hurt by the Internet? They follow MS' lead, embrace and extend.

      And worst of all, the UN has no authority to get rid of the Internet. None. The votes of the General Assembly have no force of law.

      I know it is probably not even worth rebutting this "joke" but it is just so bad. The person who wrote it should be forbidden from ever telling a joke again.

      Maybe we can get the UN to vote on it.

    6. Re:April *fool* by InfiniteWisdom · · Score: 1

      What the HELL are you rambling on about? That's got to be a new record for the most incoherent message ever.

    7. Re:April *fool* by pudge · · Score: 1

      You don't know what I am replying to? If you forget, you can try that little "Parent" link like a good little user.

  8. first person with the honor to bestow this one by u-238 · · Score: 3, Insightful

    as another addition to the tally of shitty half assed /. April fools.

    1. Re:first person with the honor to bestow this one by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Insightful

      An another to the useless bitching and whinging about it.

  9. Hmm... by FlyByPC · · Score: 3, Funny

    That'll put a damper on the whole Yahoo/Google merger thing!

    --
    Paleotechnologist and connoisseur of pretty shiny things.
  10. Yes.. by Kaisum · · Score: 3, Funny

    I can see it now.. "Hello, tech support? My internet is down"

  11. s/*//g by UnixRawks · · Score: 2, Funny

    Where is the GNAA when you need them???

    --
    I
    1. Re:s/*//g by m50d · · Score: 1

      Reading a few stories ahead it seems your wish has been granted

      --
      I am trolling
  12. Oh pleeeeease. by MojoMagic · · Score: 1

    Oh pleeeeease. Now you're not even trying. :)

  13. Shutting down the net by msgregory@earthlink. · · Score: 1

    That sucks.

  14. late by Dr.Roo · · Score: 1

    Gah! you are late!

    --
    // I ate your lunch //
  15. Hooray! by cplusplus · · Score: 1

    It's gotta be April 2nd somewhere on Earth! The jokes can stop now! YAY!
    It would be just my luck that this isn't a joke. I didn't bother to RTFA... in fact, I haven't bothered all day.

    --
    "False hope is why we'll never run out of natural resources!" - Lewis Black
  16. Fuck you, Slashdot by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Insightful

    It's not even April 1st anymore in this part of the world, and it's well past noon everywhere else.

    And: It's not funny.

  17. April Foooools! by datafr0g · · Score: 1

    But as it's the 2nd of April where I am I guess I'm safe.

    --
    "Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!" - Alfred E. Neuman
  18. Six against? by AndroidCat · · Score: 1

    One of those must have been Nigeria: much of their economy depends on access. Who were the other five?

    --
    One line blog. I hear that they're called Twitters now.
  19. Yet another one by chord.wav · · Score: 1

    Wow, how funny.

  20. Yes we have noticed by Tribbin · · Score: 1
    The reason given was that the rapid and uncontrolled flow of information was destabilizing the governments of many of the member states. Furthermore, the Internet has increasingly become a vehicle for fraud and scams.
    Yes we have noticed.
    --
    If you mod this up, your slashdot background will turn into a beautiful sunset!
  21. God I hate slashdot an April fools .... by gstoddart · · Score: 2, Insightful

    After a while these inane stories get really annoying.

    --
    Lost at C:>. Found at C.
    1. Re:God I hate slashdot an April fools .... by standsolid · · Score: 1

      Yeah, tell me about it.

      It seems all I read all day are Slashidiots commenting on how tired they are of Slashdot's April Fool's Stories.

      --
      WTPOUAWYHTTOTWPA
      What's the point of using acronyms when you have to type out the whole phrase anyways?
  22. yay! by Turn-X+Alphonse · · Score: 1

    YAY! Finally a cure for slashdotting!

    --
    I like muppets.
  23. Well all I have to say is.. by _PimpDaddy7_ · · Score: 1

    HaHaHa
    HaHaHa
    HaHaHa
    HaHaHa
    HaHaHa
    HaHaHa
    Ha HaHa
    HaHaHa
    Ain't April Fool's Day grand? LOL :)

  24. pissing me off by alatesystems · · Score: 1

    I don't mind a few April Fool's jokes, but an entire day of BS posted to the front page sucks. They should tag them or something so I can filter them out. It shows up in my rss aggregator and everything too.

    Please stop posting all these stupid stories in between the real stories.

  25. Shitty Stories Preview by nacturation · · Score: 1

    Developers: Idle Loop Optimized
    Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
    from the more-efficient-use-of-clock-time dept.
    seebs writes "Every so often someone makes a joke about optimizing the idle loop, but this article actually does it. " It's about time too- that process has been eating up clock cycles for to long.

    Science: Positive Proof of Water on Mars
    Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
    from the now-we-can-put-that-one-to-rest dept.
    pauliecronopolis was one of many people that noted that the popular Astronomoy Picture of the Day page has photographic proof of water on mars. It will be a little difficult for those of you who don't have a degree on geology to spot the evidence, but with a little efort, I think you'll be able to make it out.

    Apple: Monkeys Don't Like Macs
    Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
    from the but-they-fling-a-helluva-poo dept.
    sebFlyte writes "silicon.com is reporting on a new twist on some oft-done probability research, into the suggestion that an infinite number of monkeys will eventually produce a perfect script for Hamlet , given typewriters (or indeed keyboards) and enough time. The researchers claims that the monkeys used in their test preferred using systems running Windows XP to those running Mac OSX. Which begs the question -- do only monkeys use windows, or can even monkeys tell macs aren't worth bothering with?"

    ePlus
    Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
    from the - - dept.
    anonymous writes "

    "

    Magic Supersecret Anagram T-Shirt
    Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
    from the black-is-the-new-pink dept.
    Jesus Christ Himself, No Really The One Who Died For Your Sins On a Big Wooden Cross a Couple Thousand Years Ago and is a Little Cranky that You've Only Gone To Church Twice so Far This Decade wrote in to say "Hey you guys should check out the Magic Supersecret Anagram T-Shirt. It'll really blow your mind. It's available from ThinkGeek. (TG is owned by OSTG, the parent company of Slashdot, so activate all conspiracy theories now). You can also look into the new iPod accessory iCopulate which allows intimacy between mp3 players never before fantasized. And for the suit that has everything, Executve Pong.

    Think Geek Shafts O' Poo

    Apple: Steve Jobs to Become Ikea CEO
    Posted by CmdrTaco in The Mysterious Future!
    from the third-times-the-charm dept.
    RLewis1241 writes "According to The Register, Steve Jobs seems to be broadening his horizons: "IKEA will employ Jobs as "acting CEO", from next month. The technology icon will maintain his twin CEO roles at Apple Computer Inc. and Pixar Inc. but will also take command with a wide-ranging brief at the retail giant""

    --
    Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
  26. Hang On by T-Kir · · Score: 2, Funny

    Maybe the next story will be /. announcing that there'll be no more dupes :-D

    --
    Are you local? There's nothing for you here!
    1. Re:Hang On by Aeiri · · Score: 1

      Now THAT would make a good April Fools joke!

      I can't wait until they tell us CmdrTaco is alive and well.

    2. Re:Hang On by Frizzle+Fry · · Score: 2, Funny
      Maybe the next story will be /. announcing that there'll be no more dupes

      Actually, that will be the next three stories.
      --
      I'd rather be lucky than good.
  27. Last post out before the end of the internet by whitehatlurker · · Score: 1
    Well, unless of course someone else does another one.

    Why can't they outlaw April Fool's things on the internet? I rather enjoyed the RFC's in the old days (Pigeons HAH!) and the new Klingon thing, but it's really getting tired.

    Looking forward to tomorrow ...

    --
    .. paranoid crackpot leftover from the days of Amiga.
  28. slashdot first started by killerface · · Score: 1

    this is like when slashdot first started 39 comments

  29. quit the bullshit by burntash · · Score: 1

    so much for posting "stuff that matters" ay /. ?

  30. Last Two Guys by Mega_doof · · Score: 3, Funny

    Last two guys on the internet:

    Guy 1: OK, you hang up now.
    Guy 2: No, YOU hang up. Then I'll hang up.
    Guy 1: No, you...

  31. Does anyone listen to the UN anymore? by bs_02_06_02 · · Score: 1

    I've seen better April Fools Day pranks than this one.
    Besides, if this were true, would it matter what the UN said or did?

    Actually, it would probably be a good thing, I wouldn't get so much SPAM from China. I'd sure like to filter the entire country of China from sending me anything.

    --
    -- No sig for you!
  32. wtf? whats wrong with the editors. by dotslasher_sri · · Score: 1

    Really.. one or two stories is nice..but every other story an april fools joke? allright ....allright we get it ..its april 1st.. now please post regualar stories. no not the dupes!

  33. Eh. by masterhiggins · · Score: 1

    Don't worry, guys. With the current success rate of the UN being what it is, I wouldn't be too terribly concerned even if this were actually true. ;)

  34. The Day Slashdot Turned Into The Daily Sport by ettlz · · Score: 1

    I, for one, welcome our new joke-killing overlords.

    It's on a day like this that if someone were to set us up the bomb, I doubt any of the editors would notice. They would instead continue to report on how V14gr.a spam might too make you blind, that technical typesetters have a tendency towards LaTeX fetishes, and that some clever sod at U.S. Navy research has bodged together a covert surveillance device by attaching a camera to an iPod, and called it an iEye.

  35. Back in the day by autocracy · · Score: 1
    I remember reading Slashdot at a point in time when april fool's stories were mixed in with real stories, and you couldn't really tell -- and it was good.

    I can kind of see this happening if George Orwell won a bet with God, but that's about it. Try harder next year.. PLEASE!

    --
    SIG: HUP
  36. Heston Said it Best by Spudnuts · · Score: 2, Funny

    They can have it when they take it out of my cold dead hands.

    1. Re:Heston Said it Best by sepluv · · Score: 1

      You have the whole Internet in your hands? That's impressive.

      --
      Joe Llywelyn Griffith Blakesley
      [This post is in the public domain (copyright-free) unless otherwise stated]
  37. This is a very good thing. by ABaumann · · Score: 1

    Well, there goes AOL and Internet explorer. Along with it go crappy pay to view websites like the New York Times and Gamespot. The internet will go totally underground, so it'll be even easier to find Warez and dog-on-pig porn. Free at last!

  38. Isn't the point of AF.. by GrBear · · Score: 1

    Isn't the point of April Fool's is to try and FOOL someone? This 'story' is so lame it's not even remotely possible (forget the Bill Gates & Hawaii thing thrown in).

    The UN doesn't have the power to shut down the Internet in the first place, making the entire story unbelievable. Nice attempt. NOT!

  39. Shut down the Internet? by MisterE · · Score: 1

    Nah, too easy!!

    My son put tape on the faucet and drenched me this morning. I put crisco on the door knob for his room. When he got home his sister asked him for something from his room. Now _THAT_ is April Fools!

    Surprise!

  40. April fools are supposed to be concealed by AceJohnny · · Score: 2, Insightful

    Back in the old days, on April Fools day, most people forgot. And pranks were low-profile. You had to be careful to spot it.
    In school we had a sysadmin who'd send a prank e-mail to everyone. Same style as the usual informative mail he'd send from time to time. Everytime it was a subtle thing, often a follow-up of another affair or story going on, which made the mail seem more natural. And that prank was alone and enough.
    Back in the old days, Slashdot did one or two prank stories in the day. The rest was clean and pure.

    Now it seems EVERY SINGLE story is a poor joke! It's clogging up the news stream. Don't post stories which just recount pranks from other news sites! Have one original slashdot prank (Slashcode to be CSS2/XHTML compliant!), and let stay at that!

    --
    Misleading titles? Inflammatory blurbs? Keep in mind that Slashdot is a tabloid.
  41. And what... by JAppi · · Score: 2, Informative

    was wrong with This?

  42. Easy way to get slashdotted by Lemmingue · · Score: 1

    - wait until april 1st
    - write a stupid story, anywhere
    - submit the link with a stupid description to /.

  43. Great pastime game.. by Bl4ckM4gic · · Score: 1

    Look out your window and count the nerds jumping from their windows. We've got 3 here so f.. no, 4 now!

  44. Kojo by m0rphm0nkey · · Score: 1

    I wouldn't worry about it guys, apparently Kojo Anan has been put in charge of the shutdown and the EFF has made a deal to cut him a monthly check for the next few years "not to compete" with the internet. So...keep up those donations!

    m

  45. Doesn't bother me by Zapper · · Score: 1

    I've should have completed my own personal cache of all internet content before they pull the plug.

    --
    So much to do, so little bandwidth.
    --
    Try Mozilla
  46. back to bbs by blacklungfever · · Score: 1

    anyone who has dumped their oldschool us robotics, go find one and then... atz atdt 7574368

  47. Yea, right by Triont · · Score: 1

    Shut down the internet....Hmm I'm guessing only a genius like Bush would think that so people would have to drive for information and supply his friends at the oil companies with more money (and im not an idiot i know this is april fools day, I just wanted an excuse to say something :P )

  48. Reply from G Bush... by SmurfButcher+Bob · · Score: 1

    "Damn, I was just getting ready to invade it!"

    --

    help me i've cloned myself and can't remember which one I am

  49. I actually sort of like this one... by Brianwa · · Score: 1

    The story is obviously fake along with the rest today, but this one asks a good "what if" question.

    Seriously, what would we do if one day we found out that the Internet had in some way been taken down or make illegal?

  50. I take it that... by game+kid · · Score: 1

    ...their names are Ace and Gary then?

    --
    You can hold down the "B" button for continuous firing.