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Water Spectacular in Episode III?

An anonymous reader writes "From StarWars.com: 'With the prequel trilogy lacking in elaborate musical numbers, Aaron McBride and the rest of the Art Department were given the task to create visuals for a new spectacular in Episode III.' Lucas didn't piss off enough people with Jar-Jar?" The link is to an image of a Mon Calamari(?) woman in some sort of performance outfit. A water spectacular ala Esther Williams, perhaps?

63 of 441 comments (clear)

  1. Water spectacular?! by bersl2 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Somebody cue Ackbar.

    1. Re:Water spectacular?! by Fjornir · · Score: 5, Funny
      It's a trap!

      Fuck, I'm on slashdot. Sorry.

      --
      I want a new world. I think this one is broken.
    2. Re:Water spectacular?! by scragz · · Score: 5, Funny

      Would not hit it. Eyes are way too big and she has webbed hands and feet.

    3. Re:Water spectacular?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I'd hit it, with a stick.

    4. Re:Water spectacular?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Informative

      Actually, this isn't much of a spoiler considered the thing was shown in the trailer released in March. The fish people are performing a type of ballet that Palpatine and Anakin attend. This is in the trailer where Palpatine says, "The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural." Anakin then asks if it's possible to learn those abilities.

    5. Re:Water spectacular?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Well take your scuba goggles off and put your beer ones on!

    6. Re:Water spectacular?! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      I would hit it, but only under three conditions:

      1) I get paid a lot,
      2) I get to use a wet suit (customized, I guess), and
      3) she doesn't sound like Ackbar.

      OK I think I just outdid myself on that one. The thought of that last one alone is scaring me.

    7. Re:Water spectacular?! by Sloppy · · Score: 5, Funny
      That Innsmouth-look gets me so hot.

      "Hey baby, show me why they call you a Deep One."

      "You, me, and a shoggoth. Whaddya say?"

      --
      As copyright owner of this comment, I authorize everyone to defeat any technological measure which limits access to it.
    8. Re:Water spectacular?! by Megane · · Score: 4, Funny

      I'd hit it... with red wine and tomato sauce.

      --
      #naabhaprzrag, #sverubfr-000, #agi-fcbafberq, negvpyr[pynff*=' negvpyr-ary-'] { qvfcynl: abar !vzcbegnag; }
  2. Obligatory by hyperm0g · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's a trap!

    1. Re:Obligatory by TrippTDF · · Score: 4, Funny

      If you look really closely during the fight scene where Vader takes out the Jedi temple, one of the Jedis in the background is actually a Domo Kunk, and he's fighting a kitten that looks like Drew Curtis covered in mustard, making jokes about soviet Russia and profits.

    2. Re:Obligatory by arivanov · · Score: 4, Funny

      It definitely is. Since when do molluscs have tits and need a bikini top?

      --
      Baker's Law: Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
      http://www.sigsegv.cx/
    3. Re:Obligatory by ultranova · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Since when do molluscs have tits and need a bikini top?

      Since marketing got their hands on one.

      However, has it ever been stated that Calamari are not mammals ?

      --

      Forget magic. Any technology distinguishable from divine power is insufficiently advanced.

    4. Re:Obligatory by provolt · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I think slashdot's quality has declined as the number of hot grits posts have decreased.

  3. Comment removed by account_deleted · · Score: 5, Informative

    Comment removed based on user account deletion

  4. Ep 3 was suppose to be dark and gritty by teiresias · · Score: 5, Funny

    and nothing says that like a musical number. Get those legs up padiwans!

    --
    -Teiresias
    1. Re:Ep 3 was suppose to be dark and gritty by Seumas · · Score: 5, Funny

      As someone who couldn't care less about Star Wars, I have to say I am really loving Lucas. The more he and others bastardize Star Wars (darth potato happy meal figure!) the more pissed off and upset Star Wars gits become. It's great entertainment.

      I hope Lucas continues to screw with various Star Wars bits far into the future. Maybe redo all six episodes with some new technology and add/remove things. Maybe replace all the light sabers with walkie-talkies, ala Spielberg's ET. And if he does the next three movies, it'll give us another decade of pure enjoyment watching all these guys growing into their 50s, still bemoaning the more raping of their "childhood" by Lucas.

      Pure gold. Pure frigging gold!

    2. Re:Ep 3 was suppose to be dark and gritty by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      I agree with this post. As a long time fan of the, far superior, Star Trek: The Next Generation franchise, I have to say that it brings me great joy watching the idiots who believe in a fantasy get upset over the desecration of their childlike vision of the universe. There is no predestined "chosen one" as the Star Wars series seems to fixate on. In reality, the people who are vaunted as the "chosen ones" are typically egomaniacs or members of the elite ruling class. These people have no interest in really helping the common man. They only pay lip service to those functions of their position. The pope is our most recent example of this fallacy. The only way for humans to evolve to the next level is for us to put away greed and fear. Once those negative traits are eliminated from humanity, we will make the next step to being a new kind of human. This is what the Star Trek franchise is all about. It is a celebration of what man CAN be. Not a child's fantasy about far away, great places with noblemen. So, for those of you with a brain, put away your childish fantasies of the Star Wars joke and instead broaden your minds to the maturity and integrity of the Star Trek universe. If you want role models, there are plenty of great ones in Trek:

      1. Captain James T. Kirk
      2. Scotty
      3. Spock
      4. Data (I relate to him the most as I really consider myself to be more a machine than a human)
      5. Captain Jean-Luc Picard
      6. Captain Katherine Janeway
      7. Tuvok

      If you model your life after any of these characters you will server yourself much better than if you try to become Anakin or Luke. Wake up people. Star Wars is a joke that only pathetic losers are into. Star Trek is for those of us who have grown up and have an open mind to reality instead of fiction.

    3. Re:Ep 3 was suppose to be dark and gritty by secolactico · · Score: 5, Insightful

      A Star Trek fan (Trekky? trekker?) telling Star Wars fan to go get a life.

      Only on slashdot.

      But you do have a point. Let's stop looking for role model in blockbusters or almost any movie in general.

      Star Wars is entertainment. Cool coreographed battles. Lots of special effects. Plotlines that have been done many times over.

      Let's watch and enjoy the movie. But don't go looking for the meaning of life on them (insert Monty Python joke here). Same goes for Star Trek, the Matrix and The Lord of the Rings.

      --
      No sig
    4. Re:Ep 3 was suppose to be dark and gritty by Haeleth · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yes, folks, it's "Springtime for Vader"!

    5. Re:Ep 3 was suppose to be dark and gritty by coaxial · · Score: 4, Funny

      Where's Quark? Nothing epitimizes rising above greed and fear more than Quark. I know he's not human, but I relate to him because I too like to be surrounded by naked women chewing my food and spitting it in my my mouth.

  5. Proof by CypherXero · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Further proof that George Lucas has lost his mind...actually, he can stop with the proof now, this is like the 200th thing so far...

  6. It's like.. by OmgTEHMATRICKS · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's like Lucas, Michael Jackson, and the guys who did the Matrix Reloaded rave got together and brainstormed. If that's even physically possible.

  7. Better obligatory by FuturePastNow · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's a boob!

    --
    Give a man fire, and you warm him for the night. Set a man on fire, and you warm him for the rest of his life.
  8. Imperial Skinny Dipping by Ohreally_factor · · Score: 5, Funny

    That's not a moon!

    --
    It's not offtopic, dumbass. It's orthogonal.
  9. Prior Art Ripoff by Barkmullz · · Score: 3, Funny


    That is the most blatant example of a prior art rip-off I have even seen...

    --
    Ronald said nothing. He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse, and rode madly off in all directions.
  10. Re:Mon Calamar by Fjornir · · Score: 5, Funny

    Why would a humanoid squid have breasts?

    --
    I want a new world. I think this one is broken.
  11. Even more frightening... by Lars+T. · · Score: 3, Funny

    The "previous image" shows a vehicle with wheels.

    --

    Lars T.

    To the guy who modded me down from perfect to terrible Karma - Apple haters still suck

  12. That suit's about as useful as. . . by kfg · · Score: 5, Funny

    . . .tits on a squid.

    KFG

    1. Re:That suit's about as useful as. . . by Concerned+Onlooker · · Score: 4, Funny

      Interesting to note that you can dress up anything with a pair breasts and it becomes sexy. Sort of. There's this terrible rending sound as I try to process the conflicting urges of repulsion and attraction.

      --
      http://www.rootstrikers.org/
  13. No imagination by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Why do all female aliens have boobs?

    1. Re:No imagination by NitsujTPU · · Score: 5, Insightful

      For that matter, why are they humanoid.

      What if there were just giant planets inhabitted by slime-mold, or intelligent creatures that just didn't give a damn, and so they never developed useful society?

      Where the hell is Planet Hollywood!?!

      Why do these creatures want to form governments anyway. With drastically different evolutionary timelines, one creature has propably evolved past war, another so evolved that all of the others seem more like suitable pets, another so unevolved that it's unaware that the others exist.

      Why do people in the future right with light sabers?

      Why do people in the future fight in person, if there are autonomous robots capable of doing so?

      Why do space ships need pilots at the helm rather than computers?

      Why is future technology so bad it always needs fixing?

      Why does C3P0 handle machinery with his hands, rather than some sort of networking?

      When R2D2 connects with machinery, why isn't it wirelessly? Why does it require physical manipulation? For that matter, when he's in Cloud City, why does he move so slowly when hacking into that computer, how many bits could he really encode a second through physical manipulation?

      Probably, because it makes a better movie. My bet is that, if we ever talk to life somewhere else in the universe, that they are literally nothing like us. It won't be humanoids in space suits breathing nitrogen... it will be giant amoebas in polymer bags that prevent them from splashing apart in the low atmosphere of the earth.

    2. Re:No imagination by Cryptnotic · · Score: 4, Funny

      Probably, because it makes a better movie.

      Bingo!

      Don't you feel silly for typing all that?

      --
      My other first post is car post.
    3. Re:No imagination by Sloppy · · Score: 5, Funny
      Why do all female aliens have boobs?
      So you have something to look at while you're talking to them?
      --
      As copyright owner of this comment, I authorize everyone to defeat any technological measure which limits access to it.
    4. Re:No imagination by werewolf1031 · · Score: 3, Insightful
      Because in Earth-based biology females traditionally care for the young (at least in mammalian organisms). So, breasts are required for feeding the young. And since these "aliens" are invented by Earthly mammals, well, you get the idea.

      But what I'd like to know, is why the hell to egg-laying aliens in sci-fi have breasts?! On Earth, egg-laying organisms don't nerse their young! WTF?!

    5. Re:No imagination by skaffen42 · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Actually the platypus lays eggs and feeds its young with breasts. So it does happen on Earth.

      Then again, if you have to use the platypus to justify anything you have probably gone too far...

      --
      People couldn't type. We realized: Death would eventually take care of this.
  14. Porno Spectacular? by NitsujTPU · · Score: 4, Funny

    Forget the water spectacular. This phallic image is sure to have feminists commenting the male dominated society that the Rebels promote.

  15. It's on the trailer by cy_a253 · · Score: 4, Informative

    You can briefly see the water dancing after about 1/4 of the length of the trailer, after Obi-Wan says "We are at war, Anakin".

    http://www.starwars.com/

  16. Fits With Classic Trilogy by goMac2500 · · Score: 4, Informative

    I hate to show my Star Wars geek side but...

    The dancer shown is a Mon Calamari. They were very important in Return of the Jedi. The giant pod looking ships in the Rebel fleet were Mon Calamari Star Cruisers, and the attack was led by Admiral Ackbar, a Mon Calamari. You can see him in Return of the Jedi. Admiral Ackbar also made a cameo in the X-Wing game. He's the guy who orders "Launch the X-Wing fighters!" (I loved the game, what can I say).

    So, Lucas isn't pulling this out of his ass. It is consistent with Episode 6. Whether or not having a Mon Calamari dance is a good idea, thats a different story.

    1. Re:Fits With Classic Trilogy by otis+wildflower · · Score: 4, Funny

      The dancer shown is a Mon Calamari. They were very important in Return of the Jedi. The giant pod looking ships in the Rebel fleet were Mon Calamari Star Cruisers, and the attack was led by Admiral Ackbar, a Mon Calamari. You can see him in Return of the Jedi. Admiral Ackbar also made a cameo in the X-Wing game. He's the guy who orders "Launch the X-Wing fighters!" (I loved the game, what can I say).

      But the most important question is...

      Cocktail, Marinara, or Garlic sauce?

      IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!!

  17. Re:How do they do this? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Informative
    Well, if you need to ask you can't afford it, so I'm guessing this is curiosity. The companies that make this software will make a custom installation for the needs of one moviehouse -- and often a single movie. The price of the software will include n techs working for you throughout the life of the project, training for your artists, and so on... Basically hiring a software team to complement your software team to and work subordinate to the true artists.

    Most often you'll be looking at Mac workstations (a recent change from SGI) and linux for the renderfarm (often SGI in the past as well, but SGI had less of a stranglehold outside of the workstation).

    Yes, you could do this with Linux and Blender provided you had a full-time development team to tweak Blender to do exactly what you want, a big enough cluster to render a single preview frame fast enough that the artist doesn't loose their rythm, and another full-time development team working on the tools to move the objects (plot the arc for the ball when it's thrown, and so on).

  18. Re:How do they do this? by albieomoss · · Score: 5, Informative

    I love Blender to death but it is by no means capable of the kind of effects you are seeing now in films. I'd say most movie special effects are done in Maya right now. The MEL scripting makes it very easy to program custom behavior and huge crowd scenes like those in The Lord of the Rings. Some studios use Softimage|XSI, some, like Pixar, use custom software developed in house to work on their computer systems. But I'm just talking about 3D animation packages, half of it is the compositing software. As far as OS goes it varies. You'll probably see a lot of Irix and UNIX boxes. Lots of clusters. Render Farms.

    --
    DankLogic - There is a system to everything.
  19. Re:Mon Calamar by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    As Lucas has aged his sexual tastes have drifted to the rarefied realms of his wealth.

  20. It's a watery tart.... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Does she hand out lightsabres?

    1. Re:It's a watery tart.... by RexxFiend · · Score: 5, Funny

      real force power comes from midichlorians, not some farcical aquatic ceremony...

      (btw that was genius, I ready did LOL!)

      --

      A crash reduces
      Your expensive computer
      to a simple stone.
  21. Bring back the bar band by planckscale · · Score: 5, Insightful
    I know it's too late now but I wish Lucas would have spent just a fraction of his budget on location shoots and puppets. Bring back the puppet bar band from the first Star Wars movie. I swear, all this blue screen green screen crap will make this next movie crap. Instead of spending 20mil on a fiber optic digital rendering, spend 10 mil and spend the rest on an actual location shoot. Don't expect to see real dirt when someone falls on the ground. Nor real grass, real fog, or real water. It'll all just be some digital rendering. Even though that trash compactor in the first movie looked kind of fake, at least the actors hair would get wet and princess lea's makeup would run. These water willy extravaganzas will be entertaining maybe but half the fun of the first star wars was the "that's clever" factor; now it's just adventure-less story telling, set on a sterile lifeless digital backdrop. I guess a dollar doesn't go as far anymore but I can't blame Lucas wants to sit in a studio with a mochachino and watch a plasma screen instead of spending a week in the Gobi desert. Oh well, at least I still have the Clone Wars animated series DVD to look forward to.

    --
    Namaste
  22. I told you, darling... by Jonathan+Burns · · Score: 5, Funny

    no capes!

  23. Say it isn't so... by Neopoleon · · Score: 4, Funny

    George murdered my childhood with Episode I.

    Then he dug up the corpse and slapped it around a bit for Episode II.

    Now it looks like he's preparing to dig it up once more to further defile its memory by fucking it right in the mouth with a god damned water sequence in Episode III.

    Somebody should have taken his camera away after the first Ewok adventure was shot.

    I mean, anybody could have made that mistake once... But *twice*?

    There is no excuse.

    --
    - Rory [Microsoft Employee] | Free dirt: neopoleon.com
    1. Re:Say it isn't so... by Neopoleon · · Score: 3, Funny

      "DON'T BOTHER WATCHING IT IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO HATE IT."

      My dear, angry friend...

      What I want/believe/etc. is irrelevant here.

      Most junkies know that smack isn't good for 'em, and yet they continue to intravenously inject concoctions of questionable purity into their bodies, risking things like Parkinsonian conditions, sickness, and good old fashioned death all for the possibility of feeling That High again.

      I know George Lucas isn't good for me, but I keep duping myself into believing that he's finally going to put something out that's as good as Episode V.

      For the moment, I have myself convinced that Episode III is the "new" Star Wars that *isn't* going to be a CGI muppet musical, but that George is finally going to put some hair on Anakin's chest and stop all the crappy dialogue about whether or not the Galactic Trade Federation's checkbook is properly balanced.

      No... Like a fly attracted to that strange, magnificent blue of the bug zapper, I will continue to hover, transfixed and drooling before whatever comes out of Skywalker Ranch.

      Until the credits roll, of course, at which time I'll trash the movie and state in obnoxiously loud tones that it was the worst bit of digital drivel to have ever dribbled down the corpulent blood-stained cheeks of Hollywood.

      --
      - Rory [Microsoft Employee] | Free dirt: neopoleon.com
  24. Stop all yer belly-ache'n by pdxdada · · Score: 4, Insightful

    What absolutely kills me about the Star Wars prequels is that despite all the bitching and moaning I read here about Jar-Jar, and the excessive digital effects and bad dialog and whatever, episodes one and two have still grossed over 1.5 billion. Everyone I know who actually cares enough one way or the other to bitch about the movies has seen both multiple times. I personally feel, and this may just be me, that after you've paid to see a movie for the fifth time you lose the right to complain about how bad it is. So lets just all calm down here and if you don't think you're going to like the Episode III, this may seem drastic, but do keep in mind you're free not not to watch it.

    --
    Don't mess with the bunny, outsideworld.org
    1. Re:Stop all yer belly-ache'n by Tablizer · · Score: 3, Funny

      What absolutely kills me about the Star Wars prequels is that despite all the bitching and moaning........Everyone I know who actually cares enough one way or the other to bitch about the movies has [still] seen both multiple times.

      You mean Star Wars is the Microsoft Windows of Sci Fi?

  25. Re:How do they do this? by The+boojum · · Score: 4, Informative

    Often some combination of Maya on the front-end with lots of custom scripts is used to generate RIB data which is rendered by a RenderMan interface compliant renderer. You won't get PRMan (Pixar's implementation) very cheaply, but there some other good implentations. You may still be able to dig up a copy of the Blue Moon Rendering Tools (BMRT) somewhere. RenderDotC has a resolution limited evaluation version. There's also Aqsis and which is GPL, but I haven't used it so I can't really speak on its quality or how complete it is. Pixie is another GPL renderer which seems pretty cool. All of them can run on Linux.

    Part of the reason that RenderMan renderers are so popular is that they let you write custom shader scripts which they interpret to shade and deform the geometry. It's kind of the equivalent of GPU pixel and vertex shaders (which are partly inspired by RenderMan, by the way.)

    If you want books, Advanced RenderMan is excellent. (My copy is well worn.) The RenderMan Repository has some examples and some good basic information on RenderMan. They also have a nice collection of PDF's of the course notes from the RenderMan SIGGRAPH courses over the years. Those typically have chapters by folks from the studios describing how they accomplished certain effects. I highly recommend it for getting the flavor of the the thing. Lastly, there's the RenderMan spec itself from Pixar, though I certainly wouldn't recommend it as an introduction to all this.

    My suggestion to start trying this stuff out would be too Google for RIB export scripts/plugins for Blender (I know they exists, but I don't use Blender), grab one of the GPL renderers out there and pick up a copy of Advanced RenderMan to start learning the shading language. Good luck!

  26. Re:Mon Calamar by Jah-Wren+Ryel · · Score: 3, Informative

    Why would a humanoid squid have breasts?

    Same reason humanoid vaginas smell like fish?

    --
    When information is power, privacy is freedom.
  27. Re:Mon Calamar by C10H14N2 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Actually, it would be "mon calmar."

    "Calamari" is Italian.

    Proof yet again that Lucas is a pretentious know-nothing hack. "Mon Calamari," being a bastardization of both French and Italian isn't, even forgiving that, gramatically correct as it uses a singular possessive with a plural noun. Lucas, you ignorant slut...

  28. IGNORE ABOVE, prematurely posted by Sloppy · · Score: 4, Funny

    Damn enter key... let's try that again.

    My squid,
    Whom I did,
    Not so groovy
    Is your bad movie.
    Sticky-floored prison,
    My bile's risen.
    Life's two hours less
    In this cinematic mess.
    Swim off the set
    If the director will let.
    Come to Sloppy
    And you'll be happy.
    A new role, you'd
    Play in the nude,
    Though budget's not high
    You'll moan and sigh.
    Your DVD will be
    Released to all the
    Perverts who enjoy
    Tentacle porn toys.
    Be remembered as a squid
    In porn for a few quid.
    That Innsmouth look
    Is a good niche for a spook.
    It will be so much better
    Than Lucas' memory-shredder.
    You'll be glad you did,
    My squid.

    --
    As copyright owner of this comment, I authorize everyone to defeat any technological measure which limits access to it.
  29. Re:Mon Calamar by Threni · · Score: 3, Funny

    And not just humanoids! Uh..I mean...

  30. Re:smart move by sg3000 · · Score: 3, Funny

    > Terrible.
    > Piscene face, mammalian, uhhhh... mammaries.

    "Oh, why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid?! The kind with the fish part on top and the lady part on bottom!"

    --
    Insert simplistic political, ideological, or personal proselytization here.
  31. That's my wife you insensitive clod! by Cumstien · · Score: 3, Funny

    That's my wife you insensitive clod!

  32. Natalie Portman by isny · · Score: 3, Funny

    Slashdot has really gone downhill when Admiral Ackbar in a swimsuit makes the front page before this does... Bring on the grits!

  33. Re:How do they do this? by brainstyle · · Score: 4, Informative
    Weta used Maya for LOTR quite a bit actually - read all about it here if you want.

    You may be thinking of Massive, which was written by devlopers at Weta to drive the crowd behaviour in Maya, and has since been spun off to its own product.

    --
    "Why can't everyone just be straight with me?"
    "Because we live in a bendy world, dear."
  34. Re:How do they do this? by jackbird · · Score: 3, Informative
    Most big shops largely use Maya, but not as much more than a plugin loader for custom code that handles most aspects of the pipeline, and tons of custom MEL to handle routine tasks, so it's hard to say with a straight face that most film effects shots are "done in" any package. They'll also split a shot between several applications/renderers sometimes, though, to get the strengths of each (a few shots in the Incredibles used 3ds max with the Brazil renderer, for example, for generating matte paintings - and this is at Pixar, the home of Renderman).

    Smaller shops might use more (but still not entirely) off-the-shelf Maya, XSI, max, Houdini, Lightwave, etc. seats, to get the job done.

    I think very few places use blender at all, however(other than the FX house that wrote most of it) because its UI and workflow are so very different than most other 3D packages, which makes it harder to throw extra artists at a particularly big job or farm out work.

    You also see less and less IRIX around, as the SGI hardware is becoming hopelessly outdated. Hence the interest in Linux by the big studios.

  35. George Lucas == Andy Kaufman? by Logic+Bomb · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Ok, obviously not. But even though all his public statements make it seem like Lucas really takes Star Wars seriously, I wonder if really he's laughing his @$$ off as he purposely makes fans get crazy upset. It's just the sort of emotional manipulation Andy Kaufman thought was hilarious. It's not like Lucas has to worry about commercial success. People are going to see this movie no matter how awful it is, and even if it's a total flop Lucas is, shall we say, "independently wealthy". Anyone else get the feeling he's just having a good time screwing with people?

  36. Real Ultimate Calamari! by weston · · Score: 3, Funny

    However, has it ever been stated that Calamari are not mammals ?

    Whoever told you that is a total liar. Like other mammals Calamari can either have breasts or be totally flat.

    Facts:

    (1) Calamari are mammals
    (2) Calamari nurse their young ALL the time
    (3) The purposes of Calamari are to flip out and warn "It's a trap!"