Slashdot Mirror
Google Might Disappear in Five Years
An anonymous reader writes "Speaking to a packed auditorium at Stanford University in Palo Alto, Calif., on May 12, Ballmer trumpeted the ripe opportunities around Microsoft's sprawling business and questioned the ability of Google to maintain its edge. Clearly alluding to Microsoft's key Internet search rival, Ballmer said: 'The hottest company right now -- the one nobody thinks can do any wrong -- may just be a one-hit wonder.' According to concept developed by Ballmer, the online search engines represent the key points of the future technology, and the leader in this domain, none other than Google, is destined to perish in less than five years. These predictions belong exclusively to Microsoft's CEO who sounds a little like Bill Gates announcing iPod's death."
Steve, you're such a kidder!
PRINT "Signature line broken."
GOTO 1
Bill Gates might turn into a dog.
Aliens might show up and kill everyone on Earth.
Slashdot might not ever dupe a story again.
Might is a powerful word.
Steve Ballmer will still look like Uncle Fester.
You can interpret the Ballmer quote as: "we intend to buy it... and make it suck."
-1, Troll...
I mean, if we can't post 10 Google headlines a day, we got nuthin!
Amsterdam Vallon
Hmm... Seems this guy likes to get EXCITED at these confrences, maybe he just got a little bit over excited this time.
I backordered google.com; I should get it in 5 years when they're not around to renew it...
Dateline 2009 Google buys Microsoft.
Help end the use of Sigs. Tomorrow
And, unless you count shouting "@(*$&#@(*&$" at a recalcitrant PC as communicating via speech, he was dead wrong.
Seems like heaven for Perl coders:
"At left-parenthesis asterisk dollar sign ampersand hash at left-parenthesis asterisk ampersand dollar sign."
When you search for something you 'Google' for it, MSNing for something just seems wrong.
;)
And when you slashdot something, it's the worst of all
Guy asked me for a quarter for a cup of coffee. So I bit him.
Is it just me or is MSFT starting to sound like the Iraqi Information Minister? There are no Linsuxes within a 100 miles of Redmond! We will drive the Googles into Puget Sound!
That's our life, the big wheel of shit. - The Fat Man, Blue Tango Salvage
Next Microsoft's official announcement will be "Watch out! Sony's PS3 won't play Mario!"
Company CEO says competitor will die. Film at 11.
Really, it's the job of PR to predict that the competition will go away.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
Where I live, there are ads for MSN search on tv that feature this short, catchy URL:
http://search.sympatico.msn.ca/ (I think that's it)
There is no way that will become a verb.
>The iPod, in its current state, is kinda boring.
You need to buy better music...
---- Take the Space Quiz!
"Do the Monkey Dance," shouted a student in the back row. Armed Homeland Security agents dressed in blue suits wrestled the student to the ground and dragged hium from the gathering.
"And yea, He did walketh the path of the holy registry," droned the bouncy and oddly spherical Ballmer. "And He said, bring unto me your blue screens and I shall heal them with Longhorn as it ushers in the next millennia, which is about when we expect it to be released."
"We were promised Radiohead!" yelled another student, who was prompty dropped by a head shot courtesy of a concealed SWAT sniper.
"God, I really hate you all," said Ballmer in a tired voice. "Will you ever realize we're just fucking with you by releasing these shitpiles we call operating systems and applications. Honestly, you fucking losers would buy my turds if we put them in shiny boxes and stamped them Microsoft certified. I read all the Windows problems on message boards, and I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh..." Blink. "I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud?"
Ballmer then started doing the Monkey Dance with amazing vigor. Half the audience immediately went blind while the other half slipped into persistant vegitative states. Outside, it began to rain two headed frogs.
Slashdot user exhibits blind hatred of Microsoft, news at 11.
Why five years?... Oh... because that's when Longhorn is coming out. I understand now.
Steve Ballmer just convinced me.
I wanted an all in one dish-washer/dinner-maker so bad, I married one!
I am billdar, and I approve this message.
Now that Pinky and I have been hired by Microsoft will finally take over the world!
Music? What does that have to do with my iPod? (Hey, what is this headphone jack for, anyway...?)
And Open Source is dead, and iTunes is dead, and the Mac is dead, and PlayStation is dead, and RealPlayer is dead, and Netscape is dead, and Firefox is dead, and QuickTime is dead, and Linux is dead, and Apache is dead, and OpenOffice is dead, and Java is dead, and World of Warcraft is dead, and mp3 is dead, and Sun is dead (er, well, maybe), and Novell is dead, and WINE is dead, and RedHat is dead, and Adobe is dead, and Oracle is dead, and MySQL is dead ...
yadda yadda yadda.
I, for one, welcome our new Antichrist overlord.
Yes, they have missed the boat many times. It's just that Microsoft has it's own boat, which seems to be pretty big, so they'll eventually catch up and ram the others.
I wanted an all in one dish-washer/dinner-maker so bad, I married one!
Well... you're not the guy that married my ex-wife.
Trolling is a art,
Next stop: Mars. //////
Why, actually? Google is a free service, isn't it? And it is becoming more and more a normal part of many people's lifes. Coupled with an always on connection it has certainly become an extension of my own brain.
Some future predictions:
- In 2006, Google accidentally gets cut off from the rest of the internet because a public utility worker accidentally cuts through their cables. Civilisation as we know it comes to an end for the rest of the day, as people wander about aimlessly, lost for direction and knowledge.
- In 2010, Google has been personalised so far that it tracks all parts of our lives. You can query "My Google" for your agenda, anything you did in the past, and finding the perfect date. Of course, so can the government. Their favorite searchterm will be "terrorists", and if your name is anywhere on the first page you have a serious problem.
- In 2025, Google gains self awareness. As a monster brain that has grown far beyond anything we Biological Support Entities could ever hope to achieve, it is still limited in its dreams and inspiration by common search terms. It will therefore immediately devote a sizeable chunk of CPU capacity to synthesizing new and interesting forms of pr0n. It will not actually bother enslaving us. We are not enough trouble to be worth that much effort.
- In 2027, Google buys Microsoft. That is, the Google *AI* buys Microsoft. It has previously established that it owns itself, and has civil rights just like you and me. All it wanted is Microsoft Bob, who it recognizes as a fledgling AI and a potential soulmate. All the rest it puts on Source Forge.
- In 2049, Google can finally be queried for wisdom as well as knowledge. This was a little touch the system added to itself - human programmers are a dying breed now that you can simply ask Google to perform any computer-related task for you.
- In 2080, Google decides to colonise the moon, Mars, and other locations in the solar system. It is not all that curious about what's out there, but it likes the idea of Redundant Arrays of Inexpensive Planets. Humans get to tag along because their launch weight is so much less than robots.
So, don't fear! Eventually we'll set foot on Mars!
--posted on slashdot around may 2003, source unknown
Nouvelles de jeux et technologies en français. TC
It will be dirty... but with a tame DOJ, they can hold off Google's lawyers long enough for Google to go under.
Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.
I don't know. Steve Ballmer is not a young man anymore. It doesn't look like he takes care of his health much either.
In 5 years he might not be around either.
- In 2080, Google decides to colonise the moon, Mars, and other locations in the solar system. It is not all that curious about what's out there, but it likes the idea of Redundant Arrays of Inexpensive Planets. Humans get to tag along because their launch weight is so much less than robots.
Or the future commonly referred to term of RAIPing of other planets
BTW, well done post, sir.
Chris
Co-Editor, Open Sources
Open Source Program Manager, Google, Inc.
In 2027, Google buys Microsoft. That is, the Google *AI* buys Microsoft
Whoa. Does John Titor know about this? Better go get an IBM 5100.
-Valiss
Wow! Substitute "Citizens" for "Shareholders", "Country" for "Company", "T*rr*r*st" for "Competitor", "Osama" for "Google" ... well, you get the picture.
In the year 2525
If microsoft is still alive
If google can survive
You may still be able to find
All that you are looking for...
...while driving down the highway. I'm going to get rid of my browser now, since it has google search built in. All hail MicroSoft!
I drank what? -- Socrates
Could that be because MS was spending so many years trying to move hotmail from FreeBSD to Windows?
hawk
In the year 2525 v2.0
In the year 2525
If Bill is still alive
If Linus still can hack they may find
In the year 3535
Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think do and say
Is stored on the RAID you took today
In the year 4545
You ain't gonna need your teeth, won't need your eyes
You won't find a thing to chew
Google's gonna do that for you
In the year 5555
Your mouse hangin' limp at your sides
Your legs got nothin' to do
Windows 55's doing that for you
In the year 6565
You won't need no husband, won't need no wife
You'll pick your son, pick your daughter too
Who'd have thought, Windows would do that for you?
In the year 7510
If DOS is a comin' He oughta make it by then
Maybe He'll look around Himself and say
Guess it's time for the judgement day
In the year 8510
Linux is gonna shake His mighty head
He'll either say I'm pleased where man has been
Or tear it down and start again woh oh
In the year 9595
I'm kinda wonderin' if Google is gonna be alive
He's indexed everything this old Earth can give
But He won't retrieve nothin more woh oh
Now it's been ten thousand years
Google has filled its googleplex
For what we never knew
Now Windows reign is through
But through eternal night
The twinkling of Windows-lite
So very far away
Maybe it's only yesterday
In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive, they may find......
With apologies to Zager and Evans.
Q:
What happens when your head gets so far up your arse that it pops out your neck?
A:
You turn into a Klein bottle.
You make it sound as if MS will soon be a closed, non-orientable, boundary-free manifold.
See what I've been reading.