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Games Should Be Like Female Orgasms
Gamers with Jobs has an excellent look at the pacing of games, and their resemblance to sexual response cycles. From the article: "The female sexual response cycle appears as a gradual (sometimes maddeningly so) upward slope from excitement to orgasm, with several 'false peaks' in the plateau region. Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation. The male cycle differs radically. The transition from excitement to plateau in men is rather rapid, represented by a near-vertical line. The plateau stage is then almost horizontal for varying amounts of time (see: premature ejaculation) followed by another extremely rapid ascent into orgasm. Playing video games often reminds me of the above."
DO NOT LET Dr. Mario touch your genitals! He is NOT a real doctor!!!
Hack your mind out of its sandbox.
Best. Worded. Post. Evar.
As if anybody here knows what a female orgasm is like. :)
Now /. isn't even work safe for me! D'Oh!
Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation.
Weeeell that pretty much excludes everyone who would actually be reading this article. ^_^
On a side note...what...the...fuck? Just....what the fuck....yeah I got nothin else.
The laws of probability forbid it!
They're saying that games should be impossible for most men to understand, considered "dirty" and "taboo" by a surprisingly large number of women, portrayed horribly incorrectly by popular and underground media, ranked as FAR WORSE THAN BRUTAL MURDERS by the 'conservative' factions (and heaven forbid six-year-old Billy should know about a game, when he could be watching healthy shows about cops brutalizing criminals brutalizing passerby brutalizing cops)...
This flies in the face of science.
But without Slashdot you will be totally alone... is that a smart move?
So if games should be like those female orgasms they should
1:) Take ages and be boring for male players
2:) be often faked
3:) Hard for us men to find the controls
4:) have many sequels
5:) be more approachable for solo players
6:) be featured in cosmopolitan constantly
Now are half those things , not things we would want to avoid in games
The only things certain in war are Propaganda and Death. You can never be sure which is which though
PROGRESS WITH DENISE
No wait, I'm serious!!!
The flirting with the girl before, hum, getting wit'it, is like that of the game company saying: Woah, this game is gonna be the greatest! It's got a billion triangles all at once and with great gameplay... You do love great gameplay boy... Mmmm, ah, hehe, but not yet, noooo, not yet, gotta wait a little bit longer... How long? Until the game hits the shelves... When is that you ask? Ooooh naughty gamer, you can't wait can you... Maybe next month!!! Aha! But, hey, when you finally get your sweaty palms on it, you'll love it, yes, you'll love it, so save your money now, 'cuz, this biatching game won't be free, oooooh no suh-ree, this game is gonna cost ya! But hey, you'll love it! You'll see, it will definitely be worth the wait!!! Hey, come on boy, save your money for the game... Until then, you can fantasize about it, fanboi, and we'll keep you interested with sneak-peeks screenshots from GameSpy... Oh you naughty gamer, you can't wait to get your fingers on my awd keys...
Then, when the game is released, it's sort of like getting the girl, who's been all hot-to-trot up to that point into your seedy apartment and then suddenly it's all hard work: Come on, install, come on, I got to upgrade my DirectX before you'll play? Oh, come on, just a quickie game right now... What, my videocard isn't good enough for you? ow ow ow! Dont' say that! Oh, and my memory isn't fast enough? Oh please wait here while I go get it...
(on the way to local geek computer store) Dang, I was so looking forward to this...
(back at the crib, after $300 in expenses all installed in the machine) Oh, finally I get to play!!! Whoo Hooo baby come on!!!
(waching boring video intro) Dang, hey, I know, take your time, take your time, I'm waiting right here!!!
(Starting to play) Oh fuck this game sucks. I can't get any of the fancy moves I was hoping for, instead, I can barely move around and then I get knocked back down and gotta start over...
(trying to return game to store) I'm sorry Sir but there's no refund on opened games...
But, but, it didn't perform! I got cheated! It's a ripoff! I, I...
Store manager: Now son, you go and let these kind of games for the big boys.. Here, let me show you Playstation games...
Ohhh! Shiny packaging...
----
Note: don't get all excited. It's only a game.
On an aside, this is probably why there aren't too many girl gamers. Different dynamics.
"Piter, too, is dead."
Nope, that's not it, it seems. I see that you're still posting 25 minutes later. And even in the same story.
... and not discussed on slashdot?
I know more than you drink.
Fictional, I mean.
"We shall grapple with the ineffable, and see if we may not eff it after all." - Douglas Adams
I'll say this was a real shock when i opened up the browesr to a normally clean site.
But I can see what the submitter was getting at. Most games start out slow, then bam you're tossed into this massive extended climax with no pause to rest.
A good game and story would start slow, hit some exciting points, relax abit, then burst with a full and exciting climax then calm again and cuddle you after complete the game.
If "Games Should Be Like Female Orgasms," why are the most popular games first person shooters?
The TRS-80 would not support 1MB of RAM. Even with the Expansion Interface.
I got your nerdy right here, baby!
>> "What would the robut do? Frame someone!"