Pirates Thwarted by Sonic Weapon

Kristian Hermansen was one of dozens to submit a story about would be pirates attempting to take control of a cruise ship of the coast of Africa, only to be twarted by some sort of sonic weapon known as an LRAD, or Long Range Acoustic Device.

Comments

Brown noise?

[DerKwisatzHaderach]

heh heh

Re:Brown noise?

[Loconut1389]

me? I think the parent post is hillarious. Military and cruise ships using 150 decibel brown noise weapons? Now that's an idea!

Reminds me of an old joke... Now this isn't the exact version, but its as close as I can remember...

Whenver the captain of an old spanish galleon was heading into battle, he always asked his assistant to fetch him his red pants so that if he were to be injured and bleed, his crewmen would not see the blood and lose hope. One day, they were heading into battle against a massively powerful enemy. The captain saw the assistant already going to fetch the red pants and shouted, "Stop! This time, get me my brown pants!"

And if it wasnt for..

[mdobossy]

And if it wasn't for you pesky kids and your LRAD, I would have gotten away with it too!

Re:And if it wasnt for..

[Overly Critical Guy]

You're all units in my game of Civilization IV. Those "pirates" were the barbarian Galleon unit trying to take on my uber destroyer unit. I used my Future Tech to take it out.

Re:And if it wasnt for..

[identity0]

Dear Player,

We, the residents of your game of Civilization IV, would like to air some grievances with you.

Yes, you have been managing our tribe, "Americans", very well, and we have you to thank for our endless bounty of TV reality shows. However, there are still some problems that we humbly ask you to address.

First, while the government type "Theocratic Mock Democracy" has raised our citizen's morale, we think it is high time that we switch to a more advanced one, such as "Secular Humanist Republic" or "Constitutional Democracy". Many of us are afraid that we are regressing to the government type of "Monarchy", and possibly even "Despotism". Please note that we have the Statue of Liberty Wonder, we will not incur the usual series of rioting and violence when we switch governments, and your citizens will be happier for several turns if we choose a real Republic or Democracy!

Secondly, we are told by experienced players that reasearching the discovery of Intelligent Design is a bad idea, as it leads to a dead end in the tech tree. It only gives the Wonder of the Dunce Cap of Kansas (-5 research in the city it is built), and the unit "Preacher-teacher", which gives +1 happiness and -1 research in every city it establishes a school in. We recomment instead reasearching Darwainism(2 free tech. advances), with the goal of Genetic Engineering, which makes available the Wonder of Cure For Cancer(1 happy citizen in every city). It is much more useful in the long run, and the other tribes won't be laughing at us as we destroy our future research abilities.

Third, please note that even in a Theocratic Mock Democracy such as the one we live in currently, keeping troops stationed more than 5 squares away from our cities can lead to morale problems, and requires 2 shields of upkeep per unit. You have kept many of our units in the cities of the Babylonians to keep down the unrest and maximize the trade points from their Oil resource squares, and it is costing our own cities very much. Isn't it about time to move those units back to their home cities?

Fourth, our city of New Orleans has recently gone from population 8 to population 1, because of a combination of natural disaster and mismanagement. We do not seek to point blame at anyone, but please, for the love of Sid Meier, have the Engineer units fix the Levee city improvements and check the flood preparatioin of other cities on rivers and coasts. As well, if you had not used the Engineers to drain the Marsh squares near the city to increase trade points, we might have been better off. Also, some belive if you had not been so stingy with your upkeep for the Levee city improvements(2 coins per turn), this whole mess might have been prevented.

We thank you, dear player, for listening to our grievances and we kindly beseech thee, benevolent mouse-mover, to look upon us with kindness as we go about, living our lives turn by turn.

  Signed, The Civs

P.S. We have heard the cities of the French, under Emperor Jacques Chirac, is undergoing Revolt because their citizens happiness was mis-managed. Don't let this happen to you!

P.P.S. Now would be a good time to use our military to take over the French, or at least their capital of Paris. It has the Eiffel Tower Wonder(improves diplomacy with other nations), as well as many city improvements.

P.P.P.S. When are we going to get our own game, "The Civs"? It would be just like the Sims, but with more bloodthirsty combat! It would be great! Let's show those wussies at Maxis what a REAL party (orgy & gladiators at the colosseum) and city disaster (riot + stealth bombers + alpine troops + barbarian horde + spies) are!

Dupe

[grahams]

How many times are we going to have to read stories about music labels putting up false album tracks containing dreck such as Ashlee Simpson in place of Metallica? We get it, the labels don't like pirates....

Too bad it doesn't use the brown note

[technoextreme]

I think it would be more effective than just giving them a headache.
Pirate:Argggg we've popped our pants. Run.

Re:Too bad it doesn't use the brown note

[angryLNX]

Pirate: Earrrg! Swab the poop deck! Hell, swab the whole deck! With bleach!

Re:Too bad it doesn't use the brown note

[plsander]

How does that skit go... oh yea..

Setting: on a pirate ship, A Captain, a lookout, a cabin boy.

Lookout: Captain, there be one ship off the port bow.
Captain: How many guns?
Lookout: twelve guns.
Captain: Prepare for battle! Cabin boy, get me my red jacket.

--after the battle, a while later--

Lookout: Captain, three ships off the starboard bow.
Captain: How many guns?
Lookout: 6, 12, and 8.
Captain: We can take them... Prepare for battle! Bring me my red jacket!

--after the battle...--

Cabin Boy: Sir, why do you ask for your red jacket when we go into battle? Does it bring us luck?
Captain: Aye, that it does. It brings luck to the men - As long as they see me standing, they will fight. The red jacket keeps them from seeing if the enemy has drawn blood.

Lookout: Captain! 15 Ships of the line off the port bow!
Captain: Arr - we canna out run them... Prepare for battle! Cabin boy, bring me my brown pants!

--curtain--
Yes, I did spend too many summers at camp.

Aaarrrrrgh!!

[illtron]

I imagine that the RIAA is calling the Navy about how it can get some sonic anti-piracy weapons of its own.

I find that most of the music put out by major labels these days is a painful enough torture, but hey, that's just me.

Oooooh!

[HepCatA]

This is kind of like death metal to hippies!

Celine Dion

[karvind]

I wonder if they were playing Celine Dion to scare away the pirates.. she just goes on and on and on and on ....

Or may be Neil Diamond..

Re:Celine Dion

[Bob McCown]

Or maybe Tom Jones?

I hear its not unusual...

Re:Celine Dion

[AKAImBatman]

Or may be Neil Diamond..

Man, that would be sweet if you combined it with a Howitzer and some shoulder rockets.

"On the boats and on the planes..."

Rat-tat-tat-tat

"They're coming to America..."

Whiiiiiizzzzz

"Never looking back again..."

KABOOOOOOOMMM

"They're coming to America..."

Whooooooosh

"Home, don't it seem so far away..."

Rat-tat-tat-tat

"Oh, we're traveling light today..."

Sploooosh!

"In the eye of the storm..."

WAHBOOOOOOOM!

"In the eye of the storm!"

Amercian Flag Waves in the Wind

They'll be running for their lives before you know it. Never underestimate the force multipling effect of a little psychological warfare. ;-)

Re:Celine Dion

[91degrees]

Nope. I checked the file sharing networks. Pirates don't seem to be deterred by anything like that.

Ninjas With Guitars!

[mekkab]

And they wail so hard on their guitars it makes the pirates peepee hurt.

Now that is Real Ultimate Power!!!

The pirates are dying off anyway...

[Anonymous Coward]

Global Warming is having a direct and measurable impact on the endangered pirate population according to The Flying Spaghetti Monster theory,
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_spaghetti_mons ter
"Global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct consequence of the decline in numbers of pirates since the 1800s. A graph showing the inverse correlation between the pirates and global temperatures was also provided. This component of the theory highlights the logical fallacy of correlation implying causation. "

Wow...a pirate story about actual pirates...

[Stradenko]

I sure hope the pirates didn't record the noise made by the LRAD for sale as bootleg CDs on the asian market...

Sonic weapon?

[hal2814]

Didn't know Doctor Who was battling pirates now.

Re:Wikipedia reference

[Anonymous Coward]

Wikipedia reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma_whore

Natural in some humans

[pogofish]

Oddly enough, my wife has one of those built in.

Re:Twarted?

[mekkab]

No, "twarted" works if you say it with an Irish lilt.

Mekka.

Non-Lethality is important

[PaxTech]

We simply cannot afford to kill any pirates, since the worldwide decline in the number of pirates is clearly responsible for global warming.

Pirates?! Rawk!

[ottffssent]

Pirates, man! I mean, a real actual honest-to-$deity story. On Slashdot. About pirates! I mean, PIRATES. The ones with hats. And parrots. I never thought I'd see the day.

Boy is that disappointing.

[xenicson]

I really was hoping that a LRAD was going to be a giant Airzooka.

Ba dum bum

[DarkHand]

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel and an active LRAD device on his crotch. The bartender says: "There's a steering wheel and an LRAD device on your crotch!" The pirate says: "Yar, I know! They're both driving me nuts!"

Re:Twarted?

[Bueller_007]

"twarted"

Clearly, Cmdr Taco is the code name for former Canadian prime minister Jean Chretien.

I do hope...

[MaestroSartori]

...this didn't result in anyone getting an Angry Pirate :D

New Headline

[AxsDeny]

Timbers Shivered by Shivering Timbres

Re:New Headline

[Dirtside]

Even more concise:

Shivering Timbres Shiver Timbers

LRAD Countermeasure?

[Jherek Carnelian]

Has anyone had a chance to play with one of these? (Or been played with by someone with one of these like at the 2004 republican convention in NYC? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LRAD)

Since it is just sound, and apparently high-frequency sound (thus relatively low-energy vs low-frequency sound) I wonder if something as simple as noise-cancellation headphones would provide significant protection against LRAD usage.

Will we see pirates wearing Bose noise-cancellation headphones and listening to pirated music while they pirate real ships now?

Re:Weekly piracy report

[The Salamander]

Does this mean global temperatures are decreasing?!?

Re:Wikipedia reference

[Philip K Dickhead]

The article seems to omit the fact that this is possible and effective against the pirates, because they play COUNTRY 'MUSIC' through this thing.

Now you will witness

[voice_of_all_reason]

the firepower of this fully armed and operational cruise ship!

Re:Wikipedia reference

[gambit3]

well, I'm guessing that, depending on where you are in the world, Rap music might be substituted.

Re:interesting...

[fdiskne1]

You don't hear much about them here in St. Louis, MO

That would be because there aren't many of them in St. Louis MO. I'm not sure, but it could be the lack of high seas. ;-)

Noise Canceling Headphones.

[Gotung]

But what if the pirates have these: Bose QuietComfort 2 Headphones ??

How many times do we have to reming you...

[gg3po]

...to stop using their terminology. It's not *piracy*, it's infring... hold on, wait a sec... this is about real pirates, you say?!? Can't ... I don't... how to proceed...

The ideal vacation?

[Azathoth!EDC]

Shuffleboard? Out. Pirates? In!

Arrr! Avast, me hearties!

Re:Rioters are next?

[Misch]

Canada has also developed a sonic weapon. However, it's only been tested on relatively friendly crowds, who have often paid for the experience.

Sonic wave to thward pirates?

[Mr.Fork]

I can see it now - I want to burn a DVD a couple of HBO's Rome episodes and a high-pitch scream comes blaring out of my speakers to thwart myself, a pirate, from burning the disk.

So half-baked, it's burnt

[SuperBanana]

It's application by the military and police is controversial because of ethical questions, but this seems an ideal use of this technology in private sector. Commercial ships at sea cannot use heavy weapons by international treaty. The Long Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, is a so-called "non-lethal weapon" developed after the 2000 attack on the USS Cole off Yemen as a way to keep operators of small boats from approaching U.S. warships.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. The USS Cole was bombed by suicide bombers who piloted a boat straight at the ship and then blew themselves up.

A 150 decibel noise seems like a pretty minor convenience compared to blowing yourself up.

Furthermore- let's say the powerboat Good Times is headed towards the USS Paranoid is just a bunch of folks havin' a good time and not noticing the fact that they're bearing down on a warship (sounds strange given how dumb you'd have to be to do it, but people do leave the 'bridge' or controls of their boat quite often. They also tend to get drunk on their boats quite often too.)

With everyone on board unable to move or think because they're incapacitated with pain (and I presume inability to stand because of the inner ear getting wacked out)...don't you think it would be a tad bit difficult for anyone to get up to the controls and stop the boat or change course before it enters some abritrary "safety zone" and get blown into little fiberglass splinters by one of the Paranoid's deck guns?

God, the whole thing sounds like something crafted on HalfBakery.com. Nevermind that far as anyone can tell, the pirates were outrun, not knocked out by some sci-fi weapon...

Re:Twarted?

[kfhickel]

"You know, I really hate it when that happens."

(Think Billy Crystial in SNL circa 1978 or thereabouts)

The ship's message ...

[hotspotbloc]

... as the crew of the pirate boats rolled around on the deck with the worst headache of their lives:

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Re:Pirates?! Rawk!

[Anonymous Coward]

The ones with hats. And parrots.

Actually, this is the kind with AK-47s and ski masks.

I think it would work better if

[queenb**ch]

I'd like to test the effects of this when it's used to play Wayne Newton instead of the high piched sonic squeal. Although, there may not be much difference...

2 cents,

Queen B

Re:I think it would work better if

[uncqual]

I believe the rules of international warfare would rule out using Wayne Newton's work as the sound input - much for the same reason one isn't supposed to use mustard gas anymore.

This is news?

[softweyr]

I'm pretty certain the 'Type R' next to me at the stoplight this morning has one of these LRADs installed, too. Problem is, the kid that owns it is too stupid to properly employ the high frequency sound needed to really kill, so the booms and thumps coming from his car just annoy me instead.

I can't wait for the inevitable Slashdot article on how to make your own LRAD from a Pringles can.

Re:Be Greedo

[loose_cannon_gamer]

Must... beg... forgiveness... for the following:

I think the most appropriate weapon for these ships to carry would be cruise missiles.

Thanks, I'll try not to post again all week.

Re:The pirates are my cousins!

[Dr. Binders]

My cousin was a sucessful pirate before his untimely death, leaving behind 15 MILLION dollars. I need your help to transfer that money from Somalia into your bank account. Discretion is advised.

Bah, old news, Ryu did this back in the early 90's

[modi123]

Haaaaaadoooken!

Re:Wikipedia reference

[perdu]

See also:

Karma

Whore (Prostitution)

Slashdot

Re:Wikipedia reference

[JediTrainer]

The article seems to omit the fact that this is possible and effective against the pirates, because they play COUNTRY 'MUSIC' through this thing.

That was the first model. The new enhanced (super-secret) model plays WESTERN too!

Torture

[HermanAB]

No, no, playing Country music beamed at pirates, is torture. That is not allowed under the Geneva convention.

BTW, the Nairobi hospital in Kenia reported a large increase in Somalis with banana leaves stuck in their ears...