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Forbes Fictional 15
DevanJedi writes "Forbes has created a list of 15 wealthy fictional characters with hilarious biographies describing the sources of their riches. Lex Luthor, C. Montgomery Burns and Bruce Wayne figure in the list, among others. J.R. Ewing was dropped from the list this year after 'Ewing Oil filed for bankruptcy in the wake of massive accounting scandal.'"
hilarious biographies
That's a bit of an exaggeration.
Religion for nerds. Stuff that really matters
History of Santa Claus
1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.
1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.
1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.
1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.
1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.
1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as well as the phony ones making charlatans rich. Seeing this decline, Claus decides to invest his money by starting a toy company in his native Germany.
1720--Claus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only because of Claus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that Claus was dealing with enemy countries as well). Competitors urged government officials to begin an investigation.
1721--Enough evidence is found, and charges are drawn up against the Claus Toys Company. Claus himself refuses to release his records.
1722--The German Supreme Court finds Claus guilty of tax evasion and of treason. When news of this breaks, Claus' employees all turn against him and his company.
1723--Claus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds with all of the company's funds.
1724--A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds, however, Claus hears of this ahead of time, and he and his Sicilian wife flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it is generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off course. He is believed to have returned to his North Pole base).
1725--Claus II is born en route to the North Pole.
1725-1734--The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son the arts of toy making and business dealings.
1735--Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to construct a castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company funds.
1739--The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world. Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great halls.
1740--Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill.
1745--Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the castle and of his sick father.
1747--Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen.
1748--Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole.
1753--All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age 89.
1755--The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born.
1757--The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by Claus II to begin an ambitious project--that of breeding and training reindeer to fly.
1773--The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's major form of transportation.
1774--A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light. He b
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Elves bemoan low-wages, lack of health care coverage and union-busting tactics of "Claws." Factory operations also dogged by several documented instances of child-labor. Santa retorts that "immortal" Elves don't need health insurance, and says child-workers were being punished for being "naughty."
... which is kind of sad. We live in a very troubled world right now, but even Forbes plays off it well with bits like "Daddy" Warbucks and his Iraq defense contracts. It's nice to see that there can still be some good humor thrown around =)
Forbes did a great job with these biographies, and the quote above is one of my favorites. It has to be one of the more entertaining things that I've read in some time.
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None of these are anywhere close to Roger Zelazny's Francis Sandow. He was rich enough to own planets.
Lara Croft is rich? I didn't know that. i never paid attention to the story, only to her breasts.
Good to see both the "Scrooge"s on the list. Looks like Uncle Scrooge is still making some good money after all these years.
Ouch! I just made myself a complete idiot. Please mod the above down really quickly. ;-)
This autoskip stuff on the page made me slip both of them. They are of course on the list!
Seriously,
I mean JR (Dallas) was on the list, Where would the Carter (ER)fortune stand? Or is it because they keep giving away tons of money?
I would also maybe think that number 16 on the list could be Mr. Lodge from Archie, Veronica Lodge's father.
Since when does 15 fictional rich characters count as tech news. This degredation has gone too far.
In Soviet Russia, Soviet Russia jokes make YOU!
AFA I remember, he was on the last spot last year. Any news what happened to him?
Release the hounds on anyone who doesn't RTFA
l
C. Montgomery Burns - http://www.forbes.com/lists/2005/fictional/05.htm
In fact, release the hounds anyway.
You spelled "wannnabeea" wrong...
Funny, isn't it, how we're getting so many articles from Forbes these days ?
Industrial Billionaire with massive weapons contracts, how was he forgotten?
You are not root, go away.
His elves are on strike. Mr. Claus responded by saying, "I assure you that this year's quota will be reached." He would not respond to questions as to how this will be done.
/.ed his server, some mirrors: Coral Cache.)
(Since I'm fairly certain that my friend will kill me if he found out I
// file: mice.h
#include "frickin_lasers.h"
Your makeing me self contious.
"better ways of doing things eventually just replace the inferior things" - Linus Torvalds 09-08-07
DevanJedi... I think I TK'd you the other day in BF2.
Nonsense, according to Carl Barks himself:
Source: Uncle Carl - His Life and Times
Anybody knows where I can download the tape ?
He has a depth scale on the side of his money bin. They ought to have been able to calculate the approximate volume of cash and stuff and make an estimate off of that.
How is this in any way tech related? Reporting on anime and science fiction is OK because both frequently touch on issues of interest to many techies, but this is simply too off-topic.
No, he's the richest duck in the world.
I have it on good authority that he does not in fact exist. As as evil corporation Microsoft decided early on that having a whiny nerd as a leader would help make them seem harmless. The guy that plays Bill Gates is actually a Second City alumn from Toronto.
The difference between Canada and the USA is that in Canada healthcare is a right and gun ownership is a privilege.
Do you even understand what fictional means?
They missed some far more interesting characters:
Gregory "Elephant" Pelton, hier to the Jumpshift teleportation fortune, from Niven's Known Space universe.
"Hotblack" Desiato, lead singer from Disaster Area.
Woodrow Wilson Smith, a.k.a. Lazarus Long. (being exceptionally long lived does have its benefits when ammassing wealth).
In the same vein, Mr. "Flint" from ST:TOS.
www.eFax.com are spammers
http://www.forbes.com/2002/08/12/0812deadintro.htm l
Its impressive to make that much money, not only in retirement, but when you've been dead for years.
There is the ever informative the Christmas Price Index [warning - linked site plays horrible christmas music if you have Flash insatalled] which tracks the price of obtaining 12 dummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 5 gooooooold rings, a partridge in a pear tree and so on.
"The Christmas Price Index reflects the economic trends that we have witnessed during the past year," said Jeff Kleintop, chief investment strategist for PNC Advisors. "Not only are avian flu fears and fuel costs driving prices higher, but gold prices are also on the rise. Meanwhile, wages for skilled laborers are struggling to keep up with rising expenses."
A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a
Hell, everything they write about technology seems to me to be entirely agenda driven and certainly manageds to avoid inconvenient facts. They've declared Notes dead a half dozen times in teh last 15 years for a variety of reasons. They've come out against blogs, then blogged. Dan Lyons is a great example of this. Search google on Dan Lyons and Domino and see what people are saying (or click here hostit1.connectria.com/twduff/home.nsf/plinks/TDUF -6CC4UD for a rundown).
I won't even link to a Forbes article any more.
The problem with quotes on the internet, is that nobody bothers to check their veracity. -- Abraham Lincoln
He just wants you to think he's fictional. It's all part of the mystical intrigue he's woven around his character.
If this list is for the still living, then Scrooge McDuck is debatable. Legend has it that he died in 1967 at the age of 100. Like Elvis, though, Scrooge has been spotted in 1994 and 1997.
No, really. Scrooge McDuck
And speaking of archivillains, er... well, Gates is non fictional, sorry.
None of these are anywhere close to Roger Zelazny's Francis Sandow. He was rich enough to own planets.
Hey, I own plants too.I'm still trying to figure out what people mean by 'social skills' here.
What happened to Dr. Evil?? We know he was worth big bucks, Number 2 said so!
What about Mr.Burns trillion dollar bill?
You are correct. In 2005 Smith would have been only moderately wealthy (inheritance from the "death" of his mother in 1982 accounting for most of it). Since Rhysling died around 2004, and Smith was running a whorehouse on Mars when Rhysling died it seems likely that Smith was either living a moderately comfortable life on Mars, or immegrating to Venus in 2005. Not nearly rich enough to make the top 15 fictional characters.
Of course, if we're going to be picky about time, Ebenezer Scrooge should have died a long time ago, so his inclusion is hardly accurate.
Also, don't forget that Nehemiah Scudder is due to be elected President in 2012.
"Mission Accomplished" -- George W. Bush May 1, 2003
You know, when was growing up, I never thought of Luthor as rich. But I guess he was, since he never lacked money to build his super-weapons to try out on Superman.
But, in those days, he never even made a token appearance at the office, like Bruce Wayne did. No, he just always hung out in the latest underground lair (which Supes never seemed to discover him in the process of building, despite the whole telescopic vision/super-hearing stuff), wearing horrendous purple-and-green spandex outfits with high collars.
And his parents weren't rich. They were just another middle-class Smallville family, albeit one with a super-genius son. Superboy (yes, Smallville fans, back then Clark put on the blue suit somewhere around puberty) happened to fly by one day when one of young Lex's experiments started a fire in his bedroom. Superboy blew it out with his super-breath, but that blew gasses from the experiment around the room. That's what caused his hair to fall out... and I mean immediately, by the time Supes landed Lex was bald. From then on, Luthor hated Superboy/Superman. It was also implied that the gas had increased his intelligence even more, but drove him slightly insane.
AFAIK, Luthor didn't really show up as a corporate mogul until the 'restructuring' of Superman in the eighties.
Garg
Alumnus, Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters
Yeah, it's missing a lot of very wealthy fictional characters, like Bill Gates. Come on! We all knows he's not really a person!
Wow... that entire list can be viewed as an argument for intellectual property reform!
Your spelling should do that.
There is a comic book disney put out, can't remember when. But Scrooges is offically a (I'll misspell this as it's been years since I've read it but something like a "Centarfugillionaire". Way more than billions.
All magazines/journals/newspapers are wrong many times when predicting the future about future trends (such as markets, emerging technologies, if a new product will sell etc). Show me one media outlet that has been correct even 50% of the time. Are you seriously suggesting that because they were wrong in some predictions, and now that they use some of the technologies they said wouldn't be successful, they have lost all credibility in your eyes? Because clearly predicting the future is an easy endeavor.
'Ewing Oil filed for bankruptcy in the wake of massive accounting scandal.'"
Realistically, how could any oil company go bankrupt, even with a "massive accounting scandal"? They practically are minting money at the refinary.
I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
And for those of you who are Tom Holt fans: the Flying Dutchman. Seriously, if he dies, the world's economy collapses! =)
read the bunni comic
Actually, refineries are a pretty bad business, with relatively small margins. It's oil wells that turn in the big profits.
Realistically, how could any oil company go bankrupt [...] ?
Ask GWB. He managed to bankrupt every single one he owned, and always had to be bailed out by his saudi buddies. I guess they're getting their "investment" back, now.
For one thing, Wayne Industries has bought Luthorcorp, for another most of Scrooge's money is in investments. His money bin is just his personal money supply.
I'm sure I could come up with other flaws too.
I always figured he was the victorian equivalent of a pawn shop owner; just nasty about it. The guy still works in his own, single shop business, in a poor neighbourhood, lending to the locals.
It's a parable about nastyness, greed, and being a workaholic, not about the rich.
1. Peter Parker - makes ends meet by selling pix. He's a friggin genius, so he sells pictures!?!? WTF
....
2. apparently every other criminal other than Lex. Because they have no $$, they're constantly robbing banks etc.
3. The simpsons. Same old POS car for what, 12+ years now?
4. Fry from Futurama - nuff said there.
5. Wolverine - Sponging off old Professor X. Wolvie is older than the old prof, but evidently never invested his earnings from the old days. I guess even if he did, he can't remember where he put the investments. He should have a decent Canadian pension though.
6. Robin - suck up some of ol' Bruce's wealth wouldja?
7. Any of Jed Clampet's neighbors. Moonshine doesn't make that much $$
8. Harry Potter - maybe his parent's left him a trust fund for when he turns 18? Until then
9. Drizzt Do'Urden - yea another guy who could be rich as hell, but decides to go the goody two shoes route. His Dwarf King buddy finances his exploits. (Salvatore novels)
10. Jimmy the Hand (as a kid) - (Feist novels) - yea, he was poor as hell, but he took advantage of a a good thing (Arutha) and eventually turned his fortune around. He was poor as hell for awhile though.
...when a magazine and writer are repeatedly wrong in the same direction against the same products year after year even when showed evidence to the contrary each time, yes. They're off my read-list.
When that same writer repeatedly stands up for astroturfing analyst firms whos editorial process includes calling the superiors of a blogger and attempting to have the person fired, they're off my read-list.
The problem with quotes on the internet, is that nobody bothers to check their veracity. -- Abraham Lincoln
Rich Uncle Pennybags!?
Harry Potter has a vault full of gold in Gringotts, the goblin bank. Indeed, he has so much gold that he gave away the 1000 Galleons that he won from the Tri-Wizard tournament. Harry Potter may be poor for his first few years, but as soon as he started going to school, he got what was coming to him.
Really. It looks like a majority of the rich fictional characters listed received their fortunes by inheritance, not through their own efforts.
Is that a wry criticism of the failure of capitalism?
(Probably not)
Harry Potter - maybe his parent's left him a trust fund for when he turns 18?
Didn't he discover that he owned an enourmous vault of gold at the start of the first story? Mind you, he's probably blown the lot on powerful magic potions to make Hermione less irritating.
-Stephen
I'm a bit ashamed to know this in such detail, but Harry has both his parent's fortune, hinted to be rather large, and is the only heir to the "most noble house of Black", after his godfather died, which is more then hinted to be quite a lot (the house alone is probably worth millions). So no, he's not really poor
I agree about Fry though...
According to the article, he's got $1.7 billion sitting around
but... "Sizable gold horde appreciating rapidly; said to make $10 million every time price of gold goes up by $1."
So, assuming they're talking about troy ounces, that'd mean he has 10 million troy ounces of gold?
If that's the case, at a current market value of $503.20 to the troy ounce, that's $5.032 Billion. that'd kick him up to #10 over Willy Woka.
Forbes forget to run their numbers by someone who knows math. As someone else pointed out, the other Scrooge is rediculously wealthy since he ownes a giant vault full of gold.
[Fuck Beta]
o0t!
Man, all those friggin' panasonic toughbook flash ads really piss me off.
I know I know only movies/tv however there were Spiderman Cartoon shows AND the Kingpin was in the movie Daredevil even though it sucked. The guy had money to control crime all over the place. He could hire the best evil scientists, super powered villians galore, plus he had an entire army at his disposal. Batman may have some companies to run and some bat technology for just him, the Kingpin also has companies to run and has tons and tons of technology/employees all aimed at eliminating his enemies. That is what it means to be the kingpin of crime!!!!
"from the last-week-on-fark-department"
Everyone knows that Batman's super power is that he's richer than God. I believe that puts Bruce Wayne firmly in the #1 position.
Pfft! What do these chumps know? Ever visit Dobbstown Malaysia? Do you have any clue what kind of wealth the "luckiest man in the world" and high epopt of the Church of the Subgenius has ammassed through a series of divine blunders and immaculate goofs?!
If "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "it was beauty that killed the beast" then "please stop staring at me".
It's only when left with his aunt and uncle that he lives a life of poverty -- his wizard money is not much use to him in the muggle world. The Dursley's treat him like crap and give him his fat cousin's hand-me-downs to wear. When Harry returns to the wizzarding world each school term, he becomes a filty-rich rock-star-status figure, despised by many, liked by most, but known to all.
There is much cruelty in the universe, John.
Yeah, we seem to have the tour map.
Could probably also turn that ring of his into a stack load of cash.
- barkholt
I am suprised that Tony Stark (Ironman) was not on the list. Not to mention Prof. X in X-men and Osbourn from Spiderman. All of them is worth at least few billions.
I think that with his inheriting the Black family fortune that Rowling is setting Harry up to best the Malfoys in some sort of financial transaction. Maybe I'm too financial minded, but there must have been some reason that book 6 spent some much time (a couple of pages) establishing the fact that Harry went from being comfortable (with his parents' money he didn't need to work for a while after school) to being filthy rich.
Ugh don't mention Salvatore's name... he killed Chewbacca :'(
The Money Bin is at least 20 meters on each side. That's 8000 cubic
meters. Take away the room for Scrooge's office and as a lower bound
assume hexagonal closest packing of spherical gold coins, that leaves
about 5500 m^3 of gold. At a specific weight of 19320kg/m^3 and
today's closing gold price of $506 per troy oz, that's 1.66 _trillion_
dollars. And then there are his mining, shipping, ranching and other
interests...
Kingpin is/was a mob boss. He controlled crime within a single (large) city: New York. While undoubtedly wealthy, he wasn't world class.
Clear, Dark Skies
Isn't there another surviving relative though? I thought one of the Death Eaters, the one who caused Sirius' death, was a cousin or something?
There is much cruelty in the universe, John.
Yeah, we seem to have the tour map.
Or how about Dr Savage? He was a rich crime fighter.
While interesting, your math doesn't pass the smell test. Let us try again.
80 trillion dollars smells low for 772321 m^3 of gold.
14,905,798,909 kg would be the weight of 3 cubic acres.
(That is where you went wrong - you calced the weight of 1 cubic acre.)
or 5.25786584 × 10^11 oz
at $502.90 for the NY close on Friday
$264,418,073,093,600
Still lower than I expected.
hmm, what is the packing density of fictional gold coins?
I really don't get it.
How can Richie Rich, a certified nobody and fictional at that, be richer than old McDuck?
And ole Santa? They surely aren't quite as serious as they ought to be when it comes to fictional wealth.
That being said, Scrooge McDuck is the richest, sexiest and whatever.
20 minutes into the future
Guys, you are sick :)
Bellatrix LeStrange was Black's cousin. There was concern that the black family posessions might go to Bellatrix after Sirius's death, even though Sirius has explicitly left Harry everything he owned. Dumbledor settled this in chapter 3 of HBP when he asked harry to call Kreacher and give him an order. Kreacher being forced to follow Harry's orders proved that Harry was indeed the rightful owner of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, and presumably, the black fortune.
Famous Last Words: "hmm...wikipedia says it's edible"
Ah, yes - forgot that bit. Thanks!
There is much cruelty in the universe, John.
Yeah, we seem to have the tour map.
You totally lost me here...
And his treasure hoard.
try { Signature mysig = new CleverAttempt(); } catch(NonCleverSignatureException e) { postanyway(); }
1998: Fought with Jesus http://home.arcor.de/pla-scripts/scripts-spirit2.h tm
#1 Santa Claus
North Pole's tubby toy titan remains fiction's richest character, despite ongoing strife with Elvish labor force. Elves bemoan low-wages, lack of health care coverage and union-busting tactics of "Claws." Factory operations also dogged by several documented instances of child-labor. Santa retorts that "immortal" Elves don't need health insurance, and says child-workers were being punished for being "naughty." Analysts expect impact on toy and candy production to be minimal. Claus' ultimate motivations for annual gift-giving orgy remain unclear. Speculated to be tormented by infinite wealth; embarks on annual around-the-world trip in a futile attempt to give it away. Others detect darker side, noting percentage of children receiving lumps of coal and ill-treatment of rare Finnish-bred flying reindeer. Claus himself plays it close to the vest, cryptically muttering "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Member since time immemorial. -- Michael Noer
Is it just me, or is that the most cynical, sick piece of shit you've read in a long time?
The number of Fnords in that paragraph were just plain. . . upsetting. "Strife" "Claws" "Orgy" "Child-labor" etc.
Ugh. It's Christmas for goodness sake! How about an attempt at a nice Rockwellian picture post-card version of the holidays? --I know the whole season is designed to make people feel lonely, poor, angry, stressed-out and willing to embrace the mighty god of oil-driven consumerism in the name of a propagandized Christian hero carefully marketed and designed to drive a few hundred million people insane to the point of their willingly launching the so-called 'apocalypse' by giving the land of Babylon, (Iraq) back to Israel. . , but vilifying Santa?
Sheesh. That's just low.
-FL
I seem to recall that Wolverine has a great deal of money saved with Landau, Luckman and Lake. The multi-dimensional mysterious firm type people. Since it is Wolverine though, it's all pretty shrowded in mystery though. Of course this would also not apply to Ultimate Wolverine.
...that that cube (100ft on a side) represents significantly more than all the gold ever mined in the history of the world (about 66ft on a side).
Then again, what's a few cubic acres between friends, especially when 4-dimensional spatial units of measure are so fun?
"A great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be a great democracy." --Theodore Roosevelt
*harumph*
hawk