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The Tale of Seanbaby and Uwe Boll
1up is hosting a piece by EGM funnyman Seanbaby about his sordid altercation with Uwe Boll. "Uwe was going to promote his publicity stunt on G4's Attack of the Show by boxing one of the hosts. Again, he's a matchmaking genius, because everyone on TV is 3 feet tall. If you were watching Attack of the Show during the time I cohosted, you might have noticed that I could have leaned over and eaten host Kevin Pereira. A producer from the show remembered this and called me asking if I'd come on and fight Uwe. I train in Muay Thai and jujitsu, so I think boxing is to fighting what Hungry Hungry Hippos is to fighting, but--holy crap!--I couldn't pass up getting my fist near the mouth that shouted 'action' on the set of House of the Dead."
This article was in (I think) last month's issue of the EGM print mag.
Slashdot Burying Stories About Slashdot Media Owned
Unfortunately for our muay thai trained figther, in an actual boxing match, the advantage would lie with the boxer because of the rules involved.
I grew up training in kung fu with cross training in Japanese and European sword arts as well as some training in muay thai, and in a match with rules, I am at a disadvantage because I have to stop my body from doing things that it's not allowed to do because of the rules. In a real life situation, however, the advantage tends to rest with me.
It's the reason I never wanted to do tournament fighting. Instead, I got wrangled into helping train a few people who did because of my background and ability to pick apart weaknesses while turning them into advantages.
Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Seanbaby has no room to talk, his attempts at comedy are just as pathetic as Uwe Bol's attempts are at making video game movies.
Really, do we need to give this kid anymore attention. If you feel the need to point out "you're just jealous," damn right I'm just jealous. I wish I could get great gigs by making god aweful ugly webpages and having no comedic talent at all.
Why is this news?
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
Uwe lied to get his "internet critics" into the ring with him, pretending it was "just for fun" and that they would get a little boxing training first. Too bad Seanbaby didn't lie and pretend he has never fought before and weighs less than he does. I'd pay good money to see Uwe Boll get his face smashed in by anyone, but Seanbaby would probably try to pull some sweet River City Ransom moves, making it even better.
Geeks + Testosterone = Tearful Ending
You'd think 1up would have a server that could take more than five minutes of Slashdotting.
Not that I'm against guns per se, but pretending that they're some kind of superweapon that makes you invincible is outright foolish. That .45 in your coat may make you feel 12ft tall, with 8in steel ball bearings for testicles, but that sure as hell won't keep you alive when the shit really hits the fan.
Not to mention the fact that the martial training (if you actually learn and have a teacher who knows what he/she is doing - this tends to be a bit more rare than you would think) will give you more than just the ability to hurt other people.
Among other things it will teach you:
How to gauge the danger of a situation.
How to use your environment to your advantage.
To listen to your instincts when they tell you something is off about a situation.
To tell if the person who's giving you a hard time is packing a conventional weapon like a gun (look for telltale bulges, slightly unusual movements, etc)
That everything has the potential to be used as a weapon.
All of those things can save your neck.
Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
Most martial arts now train people how to disarm a person with a gun that gets too close. Unless the gunman stays more than two metres away at all times he'll very quickly look at the wrong end of his own gun.
Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.
I would expect the average person would freeze up upon having a gun in their grill. Questioning, at that point, whether or not the shooter is a crack shot is probably not the first thing on their mind.
The shit may hit the ground, assuming it can find a way our their pantsleg.
No sig for you!!
Martial arts skills can't. There's a reason that most martial arts weapons were originally MacGyvered from farming tools.
Please, for the good of Humanity, vote Obama.
7"3 and knows muyay thai and kung fu and is a seventh level dan of balh blah.
Seanbaby is every bit as talented as Uwe Boll is. He's the Uwe Boll of internet comedy.
Haha fart jokes haha
I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!!!!
I suggest you try it sometime. Tell your next of kin to let me know how that works out.
In normal training, if you draw a gun, you're intending to fire it. So, ideally, by the time the adversary knows you've got a gun, you've shot him twice in the chest. Most people can get their draw to first shot well under a second, figure two seconds under real-world conditions.
Most people can't even drop to the ground in two seconds.
* except when good ol' Uncle Sugar sent my reserve unit to Afghanistan, but I had very little input in that decision...
If a job's not worth doing, it's not worth doing right.
"I don't even have any good skills."
"What do you mean?"
"You know, like...
nunchaku skills,
bow hunting skills...
computer hacking skills.
Girls only want boyfriends
who have great skills."
Best way to avoid an attack? Don't be there.
Personally, I don't really like fighting. Doesn't mean that I'm not capable of it or that I'm not good at it - just that I'd generally rather be doing something else (Though I admit that I am occasionally in one of those moods. Thankfully, I have good self control and they are few and far between).
There was one amusing moment in not fighting when I got the eternal gratitude of a bartender by breaking up a bar fight with a word and then escorting the troublemakers out the door. Call me weird, but I don't care for barflies in my beer =]
By the by, glad you made it out in what I assume is one piece.
Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
The second you laugh because of maddoxx, you know that you have become a man. Geek man, but man nonetheless.
How to gauge the danger of a situation.
How to use your environment to your advantage.
Those must come in real handy in suburban Ohio.
I don't know what the gravity on your world is like, but here on Earth it is 32 feet per second per second. I bet you, yes even you, can get your feet off the ground and drop in no more than half a second, reaction time included.
You also might want to try some force on force practice (with airsoft or something, not real guns) and just see how well drawing on an alert enemy at close range without moving works. Here's a hint: Not as well as you seem to think.
Law enforcement acknowledges a thing called the 21-foot-rule. It basicly says that if I have a handgun and I perceive you as a danger, I'm allowed to start shooting at 20-feet away.
The rule is based on the fact that an attacker can close 20 feet before the human brain can regognize an attack and respond by firing the weapon.
Long story short: If you have a knife (or just take an agressive martial arts stance), don't get within 20 feet of a guy with a gun; he has the right to shoot.
I'd rather you do it wrong, than for me to have to do it at all.
The 21 foot rule is based on the time it takes you to draw a weapon out of a holster and fire two rounds at center of mass. It is not a license to kill if someone is aggressive within that range. Its a suggestion that if there is a potential threat within 21 feet then you should have your sidearm drawn, because you will be unable to get it out in time if the guy rushes you.
Go to the wrong punch palace on a weekend night... or the wrong club, and it becomes very important...
I live in suburban Ohio [Cleveland]... I've seen barfights that were ended when someone picked up a cigar ashtray and kept hitting someone in the head with it until it finally shattered... I've seen the aftermath of a thrown pint glass...
It's always useful to know the situation you're in...
Nephilium
"The walls here are as thin as a hoofer's wallet." -- Playback (Chapter 5)
Very true. From a different tack, every weapon has its advantages and disadvantages, and that goes for being unarmed as well. If you carry a weapon of any kind, you need to train with it. This also means knowing and acknowledging situations where it's best not to use that weapon. A gun in close combat against a trained opponent is a liability, as any police officer can tell you. It's why police tend to have holsters that snap shut. Also, firearms in crowded spaces aren't good because even a perfect shot can keep going through your target and injure or kill bystanders. On the other hand, a trained marksman with a drawn pistol in an open area has very good odds against even multiple attackers without firearms, given a bit of distance. Of course, if you don't train you won't hit anything.
It's best to have multiple tools in your belt, and know which is best for the situation. Know how to defend yourself unarmed (and be able to disarm opponents). Know how to fight with a blunt weapon like a stick. If you carry a firearm, know how to shoot and when NOT to use it. Finally, know when it's wisest to avoid fighting (as when unarmed and faced with a knife-wielding opponent who wants your wallet, or when faced with a well-trained unarmed opponent who is trying to kill you).
I don't know where you live but 'round here most people draw a gun to intimidate and get them to hand over their valuables.
Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.
Not to rain on your parade, but even if you have a gun, I can knock down with my car, and run several times over you. No need to get out. And while a shotgun could do some real damage to a car, a pistol probably won't do enough damage to save your life (even a shotgun won't do enough damage against a car coming head-on)