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The BlackBerry Orphans
theodp writes "The WSJ reports that the growing use of email gadgets is spawning a generation of resentful children. In addition to feeling neglected, kids fear BlackBerrys and Treos can put their lives in jeopardy as Mom and Dad type away while driving." From the article: "Like teenagers sneaking cigarettes behind school, parents are secretly rebelling against the rules. The children of one New Jersey executive mandate that their mom ignore her mobile email from dinnertime until their bedtime. To get around their dictates, the mother hides the gadget in the bathroom, where she makes frequent trips before, during and after dinner. The kids 'think I have a small bladder,' she says. She declined to be named because she's afraid her 12- and 13-year-old children might discover her secret."
Quick, someone find this woman and rat her out to her children!
I thought it was the other around.
Hehe, so she thinks her kids are as dumb as teenagers think their parents are?
She should just pick up a couple copies of WoW for the kiddies. She'd never have to deal with their snotty demands of family time ever again... let alone see them outside of their rooms.
What is wrong with parents these days??? Seems like there are only two kinds: the ones that beat/harm their children and the ones that wish to act like they never had any children! Parent's like these are no better than drug addicted parents who mix meth in their house with their 3month old playing at their feet. Put the gadgets down, talk with your kids, or given them up for adoption.
Space for rent, inquire within
People seem to think that if you have a kid or reach a certain age it entitles you to have no responsibility. They shout "I am MATURE, I can do whatever I want". Reminds me of the teenagers I work with, whining and pouting about how they know best and don't need to follow rules.
If you are going to be a parent, lead by example. You want your kids to be independent thinkers, then YOU be one. You want your kids to follow rules, YOU follow the rules. I can tell you firsthand with the kids I do volunteer work with that they are very tired of hypocritical parents.
I understand we live in a fast paced world now, but just like your clients, you have to scedule time for your family as well. How many of the blackberry addicts would answer their blackberry if they were with an important customer? What are you saying about your family when you don't extend them the same respect?
CS: It is all sink or swim...oh and did I mention there are sharks in that water?
I use the CrackBerry in the bathroom, or when I need to run downstairs to get a soda, or go out to the garage to "get something". I have hit the maximum field limit on emails while driving.
I have, though, found that typing, turning a corner, and shifting (I have a manual transmission, for the youngsters who don't know what that means) all at the same time is difficult. Not impossible, but difficult.
When we visit the inlaws I hide in the guest bedroom to use the crack.
I can stop anytime.
I do NOT have a problem.
I think that's rubbish, there's no way a kid under the age of 15 would spot the danger of talking on a cellphone while driving unless it was explained to him/her by their parents althought I don't see a good reason to at that age.
As for the parents sneaking away during dinner to use their blackberry's.. hmm, a little childish (pun intended) for sure and clearly shows where their priorities are placed. I doubt there's anything that urgant that comes in to your blackberry not to be able to put it away for another hour or so untill after you are done dinner with your family. Granted, you may be a doctor or surgeon who's on-call, but then again those type of calls wouldn't happen often enough to warrant the kids to complain about lack of attention (at least I hope they don't).
The magical number is: 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0
The WSJ reports that the growing use of email gadgets is spawning a generation of resentful children.
I wouldn't point the finger at the email gadgets per se. It seems more likely that nanny-state lazy parenting is to blame.
The theory of relativity doesn't work right in Arkansas.
His dad, private banker Ross Singletary, calls it "a legit concern." He adds: "Some emails are important enough to look at en route."
No. No, no emails are important enough to look at en route. Period.
Get a life, and pay more attention to things around you instead of work. There's a whole world outside, and your kids mental well being is more important than your job no matter what you might think.
Huh? The interesting thing isn't about technology, its about parenting styles. When I was a teenager, if I tried to impose rules like this on my parents (regardless of the technology involved), they'd tell me that I could make the rules when I was working and paying the bills and they were living off me.
They'd usually accompany it with discussion of the issue and why they needed or wanted to do whatever it was I wanted them not to do, and might try to find some way to address the issue I was having that made me want to impose the rule. Or they might not. Depending on the circumstances.
But they wouldn't let me pretend I was running the family, and then sneak around to evade my "rules". And, IMO, that's a good thing.
"Avoiding conflict" is not the same as "parenting".
I love non-sequitir Subject lines. (And random caps as well) So, I'm a dad. My two year old sees me about two hours a night: after work (6:00PM) and before her bedtime (8:00PM). On weekends she has my full attention except for during her nap which is about an hour and half. In other words I give her as much time as I can. And I still find time to e-mail, post on various forums, compose original music, make movies, work on my photography hobby, work on a variety of computer projects, etc... My wife, a stay at home mom, is with our daughter a lot more than I am by virtue of the fact that she stays at home. So she's DYING for her own time. Our daughter has accepted that if my wife wants to check mail (just standard mail on a laptop, not a crackberry), she should busy herself with something else. Of course within reason. My wife is VERY attentive to our daughter. At the same time if I even make a motion to go anywhere NEAR a computer my daughter starts wailing. She has already somehow intuited that a computer + daddy can sometimes mean a long period of time where I'm not available. Even though I've never really put her through anything like that. I've had work situations where I've had to spend maybe an hour or two on the weekend working on something, but it's been infrequent. So I think kids definitely can deal with it. In reality the black berry is no different from a regular phone. Generations of kids survived mom's gossiping on the kitchen phone in the past. This is not going to be a huge tragedy. Honestly, do any of you resent the time your mom's spent on the phone when you were young?
-"...bad old ideas look confusingly fresh when they are packaged as technology" - Jaron Lanier (Digital Maoism on Edge.o
"Seems like there are only two kinds: the ones that beat/harm their children and the ones that wish to act like they never had any children!"
Well for the most part these are just the ones you hear about.
There is another issue. Modern culture doesn't place any real value on parenting. If a woman wants too be a stay at home mother she is often looked down on. If a man doesn't want to work on a Saturday to spend time with his kids then he isn't a "team player".
Of course you are supposed to "fit in" being a good parent but heaven forbid you decide that you should give up something or make that a higher priority than work or "personal time".
The good thing is a lot of people ignore culture and do the right thing anyway, you just never hear about them.
See my blog http://ilovecookes.blogspot.com/ for light hearted technical information.
This just in: parents in the "Me Generation" are putting themselves before their kids/families/significant others!
Seriously, the woman in this article makes me sick. I know she's an "executive", but you know what? You're not that fscking important. I'd even wager that her company's stock price will stay about the same the following day even if she doesn't send that last e-mail before dessert. Lady, sit the fsck down and eat your dinner.
The 1950's style orphanages will be taking the country by storm as parents ditch their kids to the government as they become addicted to their bathroom Blackberry.
The third kind of parents are the ones that make up the vast majority. We spend a great deal of time with our families, and enjoy doing so. There's just no headline in that.
Do these people really need to be "on call" the whole day? I just wait until I get into work to check email.
Sometimes I get bored riding the Metro in DC, so I play a game of "count the Blackberrys". 1 point for each Blackberry, 2 if it's being used to send mail, and 10 points if it's used as a phone. It's nice being a contractor and just leaving work AT WORK.
the real problem is that these stupid people are giving their whole lives to their employers.
Something I've slowly realized as a parent is this - "You are always setting an example for your kids." Whether you like it or not, 24/7, wherever you go, whatever you do, if your kids are there you are setting an example. Whether it's a good example or a bad example is up to you. But, "do as I say, not as I do" is not going to work.
None of them can see the clouds; The polished wings don't care.
I have never seen one, but it is just frickin' email right?
I mean ya, it's cool you can get it wireless and send email wirelessly, but it is still email.
I think there is something more to this, some emptyness in people's lives that make them need to get some sort of external validation from people going on here. Like those sad folks that live in chat rooms hoping someone will like them. Or is it a work addiction because it is work related emails they are sending/receiving?
I am not trying to be critical, I am really just trying to understand why people get addicted to email or IM basically, which is what I think these things are, unless I am missing something never having seen one.
I personally love to get away from my email at any cost, while I don't like to be disconnected from the internet for too long, it isn't because of the email/IM, it is because I like reading the news and such and feel out of touch with current events if I don't spend at least a few hours everyday online reading.
Let me know if I am totally missing what these things are besides email machines.
Wax on, wax off baby!
...because it diverts too much attention away from my Nintendo DS
It is perfectly possible to have gadgets like this, and not be attached to them. I have a smart phone since my work got one for me, with a data plan and so on. However it's not even set up to check my e-mail. Why? I just don't care. I check e-mail from 8-5, after that I'm on my own time. Either it's a critical problem that rates a phone call or it can wait until tomorrow. I don't have a family, I'm not married, it's just I am realistic about how important things are and I don't like my time being intruded upon. Having the device doesn't necessitate that I am glued to it all the time. It's just a nice cell phone that I can surf the net on when I want.
"kids fear BlackBerrys and Treos can put their lives in jeopardy as Mom and Dad type away while driving."
BlackBerry tapping causes car-crunching chain reaction on I-5
Whenever the offence inspires less horror than the punishment, the rigour of penal law is obliged to give way...
Two words:
"MOM!! BATHROOM!!!"
(shudder)
PS:
YouTube Link if you havent seen that South Park episode
A Human Right
MSNBC: Millions of kids have good day at school, don't shoot anyone. It's true what they said in Superman Returns. Three things sell papers: Tragedy, sex, and Superman. We don't have Superman, though, so change that to politics.
And a few getaways that will forcibly remove you from your technology.
You mean they can't even take responsibility for their own pleasure? These people need counselling; not forcible removal of the device.
I've always heard that the blackberry was addicting, which was why I was worried when my dad got one for his work. It hasn't been a problem, though. It makes a buzzing sound whenever he gets an email, and I hear it fairly often at dinner (and yea, we actually eat dinner together, 9/10 times). He doesn't answer it... he usually doesn't even look at it until the next morning. The easy way to do that is to remind people that it is just e-mail. E-mail != instant message. E-mail can wait for a response.
My dad manages IT for a small chain of banks, so sometimes he really is needed for something. If something important happens (usually an alarm going off, once or twice armed robbery...) then they'll call him. I rather suspect that this is true for *anyone.* If they really need a fast response they'll call - doesn't the blackberry itself offer voice service?
Perhaps it is something about my family... I never check my email more then once a day, either. People seem confused when I tell them I hadn't yet gotten their email 12 hours after they sent it. I have a cell phone - if it is important they'll call me.
How anyone can find themselves addicted to checking email or a blackberry is still beyond me. Then again what annoys me even more is a phone in a store... lets say you walk into a store for two reasons, to buy something and to ask if they'll be open on a minor holiday. You wait in a line, and when you get to the front you pay, then start to ask your question... and the phone rings. This person also asks if they'll be open for this minor holiday, but despite the fact that you bothered to come in, and just gave them money, they will always talk to the person on the phone first. What happened to the "hold" button? People are so addicted to instant communication these days that the person right in front of them gets shunted to the side.
Does a line appended to your comment give your post meaning in and of itself, or only in relation to those without?
That might very well be the case. There are things my parents do/did that I don't/didn't. However, you never know what your kids will pick up on. So as a parent you have to be on your best behavior at all times, because once the kid picks up on it, it may be a while and hard to reverse. Waiting for your kids' bad behavior before you change yours means you've waited too long.
Stop Global Warming!
Just say no to irreversible processes!
I suppose kids aren't reading this, but if you are, smash your parent's blackberry. Blackberries are expensive. They might get another one, but after you smash three or four, they won't get more. If their blackberries are issued by their employer, your parent will be fired after you smash two or three. Again, problem solved. Don't be afraid. Your parent my yell at you, make scary faces and noises, and send you to your room. But that's attention, and any attention is better than none. And they'll get over it an a day or two and love you again, without a blackberry.
I wouldn't point the finger at the email gadgets per se. It seems more likely that nanny-state lazy parenting is to blame.
Or maybe, just maybe, it is businesses and corporations that think a salary is an excuse to reach into our entire lives.
Employers now expect to be able to control who we work for after we're laid off, fired, or quit. They expect to control who we work for once we leave the premises. Many expect to have a cell phone number to reach us at, at a bare minimum, if there's an "emergency."
Used to be that if you worked for Joe's Widgets and Joe wasn't treating you right, and Dave's Dodads offered you a better wage- fuck Joe and the horse he rode in on, you said "Sorry Joe" and went to work for Dave. Non-compete agreement? In a capitalist economy in a representative government? What the fuck? Back in the 50's, if you tried to get someone to sign a non-compete agreement telling them they couldn't work for a competitor for a year, that person would have walked right out the door. Used to be you could talk about your kids and it impressed your boss that you were a family man- not that it made your boss think, "shit, that means he'll be staying home for runny noses and wanting time off for their soccer games."
Used to be if a client said "hey, I know it's 10PM there, but I need this answered now" and someone would say, "I'm sorry, we do not conduct business this late." Now it's "sure, let me call Jane." Used to be that companies paid you for your talents, not that you were put on the planet for your employer and given a salary as a courtesy.
I had an employer call me once while I was asleep. I made it very clear I HAD in fact been asleep; I didn't need to say anything more than "I was asleep when you called." Didn't happen again. You gotta draw lines. If you don't, corporations will just continue eating into your life. Push back to the extent you think you have the power to do so, even if it's slight- just like they chipped away. Update your resume and start sending it out again. Network. When you interview, pay close attention to the kind of business, and try to get the precise commitment nailed down without looking too inflexible.
Go for a position where you can demonstrate a well-above-average capacity so that your boss -doesn't- complain when you didn't answer the phone last night, or comes to your defense when the exec's secretary bitches that you weren't fast enough fixing that email account. "That was Joe. We had a major emergency this morning, which he handled very well, but he wasn't able to get to that email account until after he was done. Joe is a very qualified employee who does top-notch work at an agreeable salary" is a powerful response to "Hey, who was responsible for my secretary not having email for 2 hours?" I wish more managers would realize that's the better response compared to hanging the employee out to dry and promising to "speak to them" about it.
I've found so many people misunderstand why execs mention problems they hear about. Half the time a complaint isn't actually a serious complaint, but a probe to see if this minor bump in the road is indicative of larger problems- and hence if your manager values you and comes to your defense, or hangs you out to dry. Sometimes if your manager really values you, coming up on upper management's radar might not be a bad thing. Like, maybe the next comment is, "glad to hear he's an asset, make sure his next performance report crosses my desk and I'll see about his compensation. I want to keep him." Or "hmm, so he does great work, eh? Would he be qualified for (insert next rung on The Ladder) over in Department X? We need a good person for that."
Please help metamoderate.
Nothing says "I don't really love you", like abandoning you time with the kids for a quick message to the marketing department.
"Flyin' in just a sweet place,
Never been known to fail..."
I actually had a boss who told me that I didn't love the company if I pursued a personal life during my off hours.
Sure. I'd be a moron to dispute that.
But ostensibly "normal" family relationships? What a screwed up culture that places this in the spectrum of accepable behaviors.
"Flyin' in just a sweet place,
Never been known to fail..."
God, I hate these obnoxious "trend" stories in the Wall Steet Journal and the New York Times. They're always designed to inflate the reader's ego. Some evergreen "trends": it' getting harder to get into the right preschool, it's hard to get into the right co-op in Manhattan, $100,000 weddings are becoming the norm, prenatal preparation for the SAT is becoming the norm, etc. etc. You're supposed to develop some sort of tribal identity around these problems.
So here we have the Blackberry. Ooh, ooh, that's me! I have a Blackberry! I have a Blackberry and I live in New York! I'm busy and important too!
But what's the real news here? People who place a high priority on their work have trouble balancing work with family. Big frickin' deal. What's the evidence that a generation of "Blackberry orphans" is emerging? Zero. It's all anecdotal--designed to make you feel like you must be important because you have a Blackberry. I suppose it's also there so the reporter can let it slip that he knows the creator of Entourage.
What really galls me is that someone got paid to write this shit. It's so, so easy. Make up a trend, call your friends for some quotes, get a quote from one "expert" from your Rolodex. It's like this:
Trend: Farting in elevators
Quote 1: I was in an elevator when someone farted once.
Quote 2: Me too!
Expert: We're seeing a lot of people farting in elevators as Mexican food has become chic in upscale, Manhattan neighborhoods.
Quote 3: Yeah, farting in elevators is definitely a trend I've been noticing.
With any luck, if you apply this formula, you'll done with your article by lunchtime. Bad reporter! Go out and find some real news. There are millions of people who would kill to be a reporter at the Wall Street Journal (disgruntled journalism major, here) so go out and earn your place at this respected newspaper! Do your damn job, and stop phoning it in!
Could be worse, she could be sitting posting on /.
When the posters fear their moderators, there is tyranny; when the moderators fears the posters, there is liberty.
I actually had a boss who told employees that, since we were in salaried, exempt positions, we didn't actually have "off hours", just time that we happened to be away from the office.
Avoid Missing Ball for High Score
THANK YOU!! I was thinking the same thing. When I was growing up....it was the parents that set the rules....they were the masters and the child obeyed...
Don't get me wrong...my parents listened to me....often they let me have my way on some things. But, I did not lay down the rules. When push came to shove...Mom and Dad were the final say, no arguments at that point.
It sounds like in this article...the kids are ruling the roost. I think this lack of parenting authority may be causing a lot of the problems we see with youth in society today. Parents by and large just don't seem to have a firm handle on their kids today.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
You go to a theater to watch the movie, not to talk on your phone or send text messages. That's not only completely silly on your part, but extremely rude to everyone around you. I don't care if you think it's "addictive". There are times and places to not use it.
There has been one time in my life that I've used my phone in a theater. I was on alert from a client that I might have to be called in if something they were doing during that time went south. I set that incomming number on vibrate and all other incomming numbers on silent.
The phone buzzed in my pocket, I got up, left the theater, and then called them to say I'd be in shortly.
Apart from that one time, the phone has either been off, on silent, or left in the car.
Everything I need to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
I think the larger point is being missed. Blackberry(s) are starting to trickle down the ranks of a lot of companies and people who seem to be there aren't. But Blackberry isn't the problem anymore than cell phones and pagers are. It's peoples' priorities. You see it at restuarants and shopping malls. Mom or Dad may have the kids, but who ever is on the other end of the [insert latest electronic device here] has their attention and the kids are running amok.
How many times have you seen couples in restaurants where one person is talking on the cell phone and the other is staring into space.
Granted, important calls happen. Doctors do get paged. But not everyone you see doing this is doing a neurology consult.
Checking your Blackberry, cell phone or pager every two minutes is just a sociopath's way of saying you may be my wife, date or child - but there are many things in my life more important than you.
And anyone who thinks they can multitask personal relationships doesn't know what one is.
Isn't that the right you give up with a salaried position?
Not here in the UK, or other EU countries I suspect.
You Americans really have terrible employment laws and conditions.
Stick Men