America's Worst Christmas Parties

Ant writes "Slate Magazine asked its readers to submit reports of horrible office Christmas parties, gifts, and bonuses. Of nearly 200 submissions, they've chosen quite a few tales for The Corporate Scrooge Contest Results ... and they're not pretty. From the article: 'A contract consultant sends word that the company to which he is currently assigned recently sent out an e-mail to some 2,000-odd consultants. The company would give away two $100 gift cards--to two of the brave souls who would commit to work 80 hours between Dec. 18 and Dec. 31. As our correspondent noted: "Hey, if you work Christmas, we'll put you in a pool of 2,000 other folks to maybe win a hundred bucks."'"

Comments

Christmas Vacation

[Pharmboy]

At least it isn't what happened to poor Clark Griswold, getting a "Jelly of the Month" certificate for a Christmas bonus.

Re:Christmas Vacation

[HockeyPuck]

To quote the great Clark Griswald, what do you say when you get the Jelly of the Month Club?

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

Re:Christmas Vacation

[abbamouse]

You mean a risk-neutral consumer. A rational risk-acceptant consumer would be willing to pay more than 10 cents, while a risk-averse one would pay less. People can like or dislike risk and still be rational.

Re:Christmas Vacation

[Lord Prox]

My poor father has it pretty bad. He is an architect and puts in around 80 a week (not as an option) and for the second (or is it the third?) year running got a $100 gift car. Not any gift card, mind you, but a gift card to the luxurious Ralph's supermarket.

It is more of an insult than a "thank you for your team effort". A simple handshake would be better.
Here is my fathers work
Bless my Pops. and curse his boss

Re:Christmas Vacation

[cayenne8]

"My poor father has it pretty bad. He is an architect and puts in around 80 a week (not as an option) ..."

That sucks. A suggestion?

Maybe suggest your father, for the New Year, looks for a better job? I'm betting he is salary? There is NO reason to be working an extra 40 hrs for them for free.

Never work for free.....you time is too valuable.

Re:Christmas Vacation

[SirKodiak]

The expected rewards and the cost are the utility value of the money, which does not necessarily scale linearly with the dollar amount of the money. To give an extreme example, if I need $1000 today, and otherwise will die a horrible death, but only have $100, and my only opportunity to make money is to play a game which pays $1000 on a $100 bet 1/20th of the time, it would be entirely rational for me to play. In that case, the utility value of $1000 is much more than ten times the utility value of $100.

Lottery playing is not necessarily irrational even if most people who play the lottery are acting irrationally. While many parts of our society treat the utility/dollar curve as linear for the sake of simplicity, that isn't inherently true.

Cookies

[b0b0tiken]

Not whining or anything, but I received 2 cookies. They also thoughtfully mentioned they didn't want us to get fat before the holidays.

Re:Cookies

[flyingfsck]

*Two* cookies huh? So, where is mine???

Re:Cookies

[Namronorman]

You received two cookies. I was promised two cookies. I am not joking. My boss asked if I had any push pins around, I told her I would give them to her for a freshly baked cookie. She said since it is the holidays she'll give me two and that I'd have them the next day.

Re:Cookies

[Tongo]

I was really happy with our Christmas bonus this year (I work for a small ILEC, 65 employees or so). The owners had one of the nicer places in town cook up a bunch of salmon and prime rib for our Christmas party. The the president of the company made the rest of the side dishes. In the past when the main course wasn't catered, he also would make the main dish. It's all quite good, as he could probably be an accomplished chef if he didn't like to code so much. During the party they also had drawing and prizes. Each employe we also given $50 cash and a gift certificate for two to the movies in our Christmas card. All in all it's a pretty great place to work.

Bah humbug.

[IANAAC]

I'll get modded troll for this, but...

When I was working for corporations, I always expected a bonus, gifts, whatever at holiday time and was nearly always dissapointed.

Now that I've been working for myself the last couple of years, I don't make as much money as I did with corporations, but I'm generally a happier person, in that I can set my own hours (well, somewhat) and spend more time with my family and friends. That to me is far more useful than any trinket or bonus.

I've also come to realize that token gifts from the company NEVER meant anything, and was never anything I could ever use - the corporate logo paperweight fits that bill - much like the years of service gifts with the coporate logos on them.

Sure, when I got bonuses the extra money was nice, but really, it's not something anyone should come to expect.

Don't expect anything and you won't be dissappointed. They're already paying you to do you job.

Re:Bah humbug.

[felix rayman]

When advice on to how to deal with the current state of the employment market is summed up as, "Don't expect anything and you won't be dissappointed", perhaps it is time for workers to get pissed off, and start doing something about it.

Re:Bah humbug.

[Jah-Wren Ryel]

When advice on to how to deal with the current state of the employment market is summed up as, "They're already paying you to do you job," perhaps it is time for workers to get pissed off about people who deliberately misquote summaries.

Re:Bah humbug.

[rjshields]

It's actually quite sound advice. Take the scenario that you are contracted to a do certain number of hours, but often work over that for whatever reason, and then feel hard done by that you get nothing in return. If you just try a bit harder to stick to those contracted hours, you won't feel so bad. People might also respect you more for not allowing yourself to be treated like a bitch.

Re:Bah humbug.

[killjoe]

You are right. Every working person should realize that they are just cogs in a machine. You don't matter to your employer, you are just a body easily exchanged for another body or better yet some machine. You should do your job, collect your money and never ever give your employer anything beyond exactly what you are paid to do. By the same token demand to be paid for every minute you work and demand that your employer define exactly what is expected of you so that they are not asking you to do a bunch of stuff for free.

Remember your company is not a person. You don't owe it anything beyond your time and the terms of your employment. Anything else has got to cost more to your company. Also demand as much money as possible, they will never ever give you a penny above that.

Finally, unionize. Your employee is trying very hard to reduce your pay as much as possible, you need a way to fight for what you are due.

It's a war, fight to win.

Re:Bah humbug.

[Joey7F]

I am not sure if your post was serious or not (I am leaning towards not) but just in case:

If you never do anything more / work a minute more than what is expected of you I would like to ask you if you tend to shop at stores that fulfill the simplest of obligations or the ones that have employees which go out of there way to help you?

The only saying that hard work is its own reward might be a little bit bullshit, but let's face it, you feel better when you do a good job over doing a poor one. The people who view the boss-employee relationship as an antagonistic one seem less happy than those of us that want to be productive but realize we aren't family and that yes, no one is irreplaceable.

--Joey

Re:Bah humbug.

[monoqlith]

Consider yourself lucky. I work for Myself too. My boss, Me, is a real dickhead. This year, he made all of his employees work on Christmas. Sometimes, he makes up reasons to fire people around the holidays, just for fun. Last year, he rented a hotel around Christmas so he could bang his secretary while his wife was at home preparing the holiday meal. He even made a big scene at last year's office event, drove home a little wrecked, and ended up crashing his Mercedes into a children's playground. Man, you should be grateful you don't work for Me. He's a real douchebag.

Re:Bah humbug.

[FLEB]

I think that it was a serious, albeit overemphasized, considerable reaction to being treated as a simple device. Now, I'll personally say that a job that becomes this antagonistic isn't one worth keeping, but in such an environment, where you're being treated as a nothing more than a work machine, what motivation or obligation should you have to act as more?

Re:Bah humbug.

[Jah-Wren Ryel]

There is no contradiction between doing a good job and only doing what you have agreed to do. If an employer wants employees that will do a good job, then they need to make sure that is part of the employment agreement. For example, as a contractor who bills top-dollar I promise and deliver top-quality work -- my clients are happy with the results and I am happy with the compensation. In fact, that's the underlying premise of free markets - both parties derive value from the transaction and neither party is exploited.

Furthermore, I do tend to shop at minimum service stores for exactly that reason - no matter how up-scale the store, there is no guarantee of quality of service. I've been screwed over enough times - paying up-scale prices and receiving down-scale service, that I've learned not to play that game any more.

Re:Bah humbug.

[karmatic]

Wow. Who are you working for? Might I suggest you work somewhere else?

I've worked 9 to 5 (IT and services), union and non-union (Airlines). Unions have their place, but they are always going to have overhead. When the jobs aren't in horribly short supply, you can typically negotiate way better on your own. Working for America West (union), the guys I worked with would always do the bare minimum of what they were required to do to get paid. The pay took this into consideration, and it wasn't very good. I was there to work (didn't really need the money, but the flight benefits were nice); my coworkers would get ticked that I would take break time to go help out people on other gates. I'm paid to work, not paid to sit around - despite what the union contract said. Merit didn't matter, promotions and pay were based on time served, and it was almost impossible to get yourself promoted, or fired.

I also went to work for Mesa Airlines (America West Express, same facilities and terminal. Non union.) From what I understand, they weren't allowed to pay more than America West (contractual obligations); however, it didn't really matter. On time for work - $0.25/hour bonus. Working during the summer - $100 bonus. Company did well - $100 bonus. I made way more than any of the America West guys did in the same position, and since my coworkers could be fired, we got a way better caliber employee. Since the union didn't get involved, it was a lot easier for motivated people to make more money, and get promoted. On the other hand, lazy people who are just there to pay their dues do tend to stay where they are.

Finally, unionize. Your employee[sic] is trying very hard to reduce your pay as much as possible, you need a way to fight for what you are due.
This, quite frankly, can be stupid advice depending on the state, and the company. I run a software company, and I hate unions with a passion. I'm in a right to work state for a reason (sadly, airlines are covered under the railway act, and can unionize). If you are a competent, hard-working, educated person, with a skill useful enough to justify your salary, you should not (generally speaking - there are some exception) need a union.

I do take offense to the "trying very hard to reduce your pay" quip. Not all employers are like this, and I most certainly am not one of them. Paying employees the same, regardless of the quality of the work they do, results in disgruntled, unproductive, unhappy employees who do the bare minimum required to not get fired. Why would you want to run a company you wouldn't want to work for? I choose to pay above average rates, for above average service. I'll pay for education, too. Employees who have fun, and are paid well for what they do are less likely to go to the competition, less likely to produce crap software, less likely to steal. I have one employee (a developer) who is utterly irreplaceable. He is one of the top people in his field. He also makes more than I do, because he adds more to the company than I do. I can be honest; he does things for the company that I can't. I have another employee who will be making a $25,000 USD bonus after this last contract we made. That's more than what he made in two years at his last job (not a US guy).

In short, while I don't know everyone, I do know me (and a few jobs I've worked). Not everyone is out there to screw you; however, large corporations tend to be really large for a reason (and it's not being nice). Learn a skill worth something, and go to work in a field where you can make a difference (whether for yourself, or someone else). Work with a group of people who care about each other, where it's not just about squeezing every last bit of productivity out of an employee before you discard his drained husk.

Of course, if the economy gets REALLY screwed up, unions may once again serve a useful purpose. When you have college graduates working at McDonalds (nationwide, so moving isn't an o

Re:Bah humbug.

[Anonymous Coward]

You know... "$$-centered attitude and a fixation on short-term returns" is a description that probably fits 96% of corporations. Oh, the irony...

Re:Bah humbug.

[Billly Gates]

IT workers including programmers are being exploited like you said thanks to third world countries. How can we compete with someone willing to work for $25,000 a year for a job worth $65,000 a year? They can hire 2 Indians and still make a profit if they are not as good.

Worse any good programmer may still have a job but with the influx of extra unemployeed workers on the market the salary goes down.

To me unions are no different than corporations getting together and putting caps on the price of workers or price fixing. You guys do it all the time but when employees get together to prevent supply you all have a fit and cry boo hoo.

Unions are not great and I am not pro union but employees need to excersize market power to prevent our salaries from declining like they have been. MEanwhile corporate profits are at an all time high while wages have fallen every year since 1999.

Re:Bah humbug.

[killjoe]

"If you never do anything more / work a minute more than what is expected of you I would like to ask you if you tend to shop at stores that fulfill the simplest of obligations or the ones that have employees which go out of there way to help you?"

As a consumer I would rather go to a store that gives me good service. But I am not speaking as a consumer. I am speaking as an employee. As an employee in a store since I am being paid hourly I would rather you go to another store so I can get paid for not helping you.

"The only saying that hard work is its own reward might be a little bit bullshit, but let's face it, you feel better when you do a good job over doing a poor one."

That's because I have been brainwashed by companies who want me to work as hard as I can for them for no reward.

"The people who view the boss-employee relationship as an antagonistic one seem less happy than those of us that want to be productive but realize we aren't family and that yes, no one is irreplaceable."

Hey you want to know a secret? Here lean in close and I will let you in on it. Here it is.

Your boss sees your relationship as an adverserial one. He is trying to figure out how to get rid of you and replace you by a lower paid employee or a machine. In the mean time he is trying to figure out a way to make you work for him free.

Re:Bah humbug.

[aamcf]

I agree with this. I'd prefer to be paid what I am worth through the year rather than have part of my salary withheld to be given to me as a "gift" at the end of the year. I used to work at one place where the Christmas bonus was an open bar at the company dinner - not worth much to someone like me who doesn't drink.

Re:Bah humbug.

[killjoe]

"Unions bargain collectively for what is best for the interests controlling the collective (which is quite often very different from the interests of the collective of a whole - just ask Michigan auto workers how they felt about their unions in the 70s and 80s)."

What the fuck? Unions exist to get the best package for employees. All the employees. The employees know that if they don't stand together they will be fucked.

"Negotiating on an individual level allows each employee to demand what s/he feels is the most advantageous work environment/compensation possible."

This is very good for you because it allows you to pay some people less then others. It may also be good for a few employees who get paid more then average. It sucks for the rest of your employees.

"Only if the employee refuses to do nothing more than the minimum amount of work! "

You hired somebody to do X. Now you are going to punish them for not doing more then X. Why?

"But even if the employee's extra value added over market is exactly equal to the additional salary you offer over market, there are numerous other advantages to higher-value employees. Better services, better reputation, better investor confidence, etc. These don't immediately show up on a balance sheet, but they're the cornerstones of almost any successful business that grows from the ground up."

Well pollyanna how come every business isn't doing that? How come service sucks no matter where you go? I tell you why because people don't believe the line of bullshit you are spewing. They know they are working for the bottom dollar so they are doing just enough to keep their jobs and obey their work description and no more. WHy should they do more?

"The only reason for employees to get fired is if the company is losing money on them."

Really? Is that because management is infallible and never fucks up. The CEO doesn't throw the golf game so the customer drops them, the money dries up, the employees get fired. That never happens?

Also when was the last time you worked at a company where all the firing was done on merit? Seniority doesn't play a part? Ass kissing doesn't play a part? What world do you live in?

"Here's a tip - there are plenty of employees who hate unions. I'm one of them. They drive up my taxes by placing unnecessary burdens on business (which ends up getting charged back to us in the form of government subsidies eventually anyway), they make it difficult for me to find work in certain regions/industries unless I join their little cabal, and they often encourage nothing more than complacency and near-zero turnover (again, making it hard for me to find work in certain circumstances). Out of the people I know who work that are in unions or not, those in unions are much more likely to be -content- at work. But they're rarely happy or mentally/emotionally invested. Those people I know who aren't in unions are less likely to be content, but when they are content, it goes beyond that to very happy and entertained by what they do."

Bingo. Unions suck for you but they are great for employees. That's why everybody who works for a living should join or form a union and that's why people like you work so hard to keep unions out.

Unions do not exist to make your life easier. That's why you hate them. Unions exist to make your employees life better. That's why they should form or join one.

Sucks for you, great for them. See? Simple.

Re:Bah humbug.

[karmatic]

If the choice was between you or the hotshot programmer you would fire him and not you right?

You obviously don't understand how a _sensible_ company works. I am an owner in the company - with the exception of a buyout, that's not going to change any time soon.

That being said, when it comes to salary, I can (and have) gone without, so that the employees can be paid. When times are lean (all companies are startups at some point, and we didn't use VC money), we all make sacrifices. A company without direction doesn't do as well; a company without something to sell withers and dies. Replacing the hotshot programmer with 3 crappy programs (or 8 Indians) would "save money" and increase the amount of code produced, but it wouldn't do our company any good in the long term. If it comes down to me getting paid, or him leaving the company (for not being paid), I will make sure he gets paid. It's not altruism; if he leaves, the future of myself and the company is not as bright.

That being said, when we had a big contract pay late, I went to the other employees and _asked_ them to take a little less that month so that I could pull out what I needed to take care of myself. They knew how much I was making (pulled about $2k that month), I wasn't screwing them over. Fortunately, those times seem to be behind us now, but it isn't easy starting from nothing. If I'm not paying my employees well, I'm most certainly not paying myself large bonuses.

Companies aren't people; rather, they are an extension of people. If the owners work for the good of the people in it, rather than just themselves, the company will do better in the long run (why do you think so many companies go under?). Human greed being what it is, I've found the best way to do this is to make the employees owners - when they serve the interest of the owners, they serve the interest of the other employees.

Re:Bah humbug.

[mabhatter654]

My experience is that it's almost always the BOSS that starts the antagonisms. In corporations it's usually passed down from "on high" as some way to squeeze out the "lazy" employees. That makes it a fight from the top down and always set's up the bad mojo.. because you can't ever PROVE your office/department/etc. isn't the problem.. they'll always find some metric that's off and say they want better.

It usually starts as "help out the company", get the project done on time... then devolves into you MUST do X amount mandatory "free" work or you're not "dedicated". As soon as the employees start giving out "free" work to get themselves caught up, the corporation immediately will rely on them to do the free work again.... and again... instead of updating their resources for the increased needs they have. I worked one place that pushed that to the limit.. I ended up leaving, but I wanted to "help out" with stuff not my specialty, then it just became "assumed" I would do it whenever with no more pay... or at least the "no more pay" gets forgot about when you go to say the "extra" stuff's not working out and you need somebody else to fill in a while... then it becomes "lazy employee's" fault for failing, "helping out" is almost always PUNISHED, never truly rewarded because it's not what you were "hired" for and somebody "hired" for the position you "helped" in will always do it better than you.

Re:Bah humbug.

[jeremyp]

IT workers including programmers are being exploited like you said thanks to third world countries. How can we compete with someone willing to work for $25,000 a year for a job worth $65,000 a year? They can hire 2 Indians and still make a profit if they are not as good.

If you can easily find people to do a job for $25k then it isn't worth $65k.

Reverse it...

[chill]

If the company I'm contracted to guarantees me an 80-hour week, I'd happily work it. The time-and-a-half would more than make up for the inconvenience. Hell, *I'd* buy *them* a $100 gift card.

  Charles

No mention of HP?

[AuMatar]

HP has to be up there. In the four years I worked there, not only was there no bonus, they shut the office down that week, forcing you to either go without pay (even if you were salaried, your pay was docked) or take sick days.

Re:No mention of HP?

[jcr]

HP docked your pay for the week? Was that a Carly idea?

Apple closes from December 23 to January 2, and they paid us our regular salary for that time.

-jcr

Re:No mention of HP?

[AuMatar]

Did you even have to ask? Of course it was a Carly idea. Note that this idea was after she already asked people with saved time off to use it (and come in to work anyway, thus working for free).

Sounds like Apple made a classy move. I'll have to keep it in mind for the future.

Re:No mention of HP?

[AuMatar]

Nope, we were salaried. No time cards, no overtime. They did it anyway. Although that makes me wonder about the possibility of a class action....

Re:No mention of HP?

[AuMatar]

To top this off- they make you pay for the Christmas party too. Our division fought that for 1 year, and it came from up high to start making people pay, it demoralized people in other divisions for ours to be free. Amazingly, the number of people going dropped overnight, and the number of engineers who go is almost 0- noone wanted to pay 25-35 for a black tie party with a bunch of people you didn't know. Shocking. Marketing still made an almost 100% appearance rate.

Cheapskates!

[NoseBag]

After meeting or exceeding all of our yearly company goals and setting a new profit level, each of us salaried folks received a bonus envelope with 25 brand-new,consecutively-numbered one-dollar bills in it.

I still have it, 8 years later. I'm no longer with the company though.

Re:Cheapskates!

[CthulhuDreamer]

I used to work for a manufacturing company that promised profit sharing if profits were above a certain amount. For years, they never had to pay out, but it was always mentioned by management as an incentive. Then a really good year came along, and we crossed the profit sharing line with several months to go before the end of the year. Every month, the profits were tallied, and the profit sharing pool grew, and grew.

December hits, and our company buys another company for 8+ million dollars, in cash. Two weeks later, they pay off some big loans with cash, eating almost a million dollars in pre-payment penalties on top of the loan amounts. The profit sharing pool drops to zero on the last week of the month.

Christmas comes and they pass out $15 gift certificates for Safeway as appreciation for all of our hard work. Most of the certificates were collected and given to the local food bank as a mass protest. I haven't paid attention to bonus programs or incentive programs since.

What companies give the BEST Christmas Gift?

[jsnz]

I work for a bank and we get a hamper with Christmas cake, bottle of wine, cookies etc. Not bad considering they give this to about 10,000 employees. What is the best gift you have recieved?

Re:What companies give the BEST Christmas Gift?

[The Living Fractal]

I work for Big Oil, and this year every employee in the state got a gift worth $450, after taxes. Yep, they paid for the gift via our paychecks, deducted taxes from the additional money (it was like $620 gross) and deducted the $450 after taxes for the gift. I.E. the paycheck was no larger than normal but you got a $450 gift with taxes already paid. I thought that was pretty nice.

We also received 'end of the year' checks for $1,000 after taxes and our bonus is usually around 10% of our yearly gross (so anywhere from $11,000 to $20,000 for most employees).

When I take a second to think about it, I really consider myself fortunate. I love this company.

TLF

Re:What companies give the BEST Christmas Gift?

[Bug-Y2K]

Forty bazillion bucks per quarter in profit, making more money per quarter than any other entity in the history of Capitalism, and they gave you $450?

--chuck

Re:What companies give the BEST Christmas Gift?

[Junta]

We also received 'end of the year' checks for $1,000 after taxes and our bonus is usually around 10% of our yearly gross (so anywhere from $11,000 to $20,000 for most employees). No, not just $450, a $450 gift plus $1000 bucks, plus a large bonus, and if $11,000 is 10% of their low-end pay.... holy shit nothing to complain about there.

I think I might need to work in Big Oil now...

Re:What companies give the BEST Christmas Gift?

[NotQuiteReal]

Employees are not (necessarily) owners of public companies. "Extra" holiday gifts are just part of the employment package, one way or the other. If you take a job and don't get any more than your agreed salary, how are you hurt? If you take a job and are told you will get a bonus, how is that "special", and not just part of the deal?

Employees of public companies can always become part owners too, just like everyone else. Often even cheaper with stock options and employee purchase plans and the like, now that is a real benefit, if you work for a great corporation.

There is a group of people who think this is a troll, rather than a factual statement of fact. I suspect that group has a large intersection with the set of people who think "sticking it to the man" is a good idea, before the even know who "the man" is.

I give cash

[NineNine]

I give all of my people AT LEAST $200 in no-strings-attached cash, tax-free in an envelope. And $200 is for a new, part-time employee. I would never dream of giving them a $15 gift card. That's just shitty.

Re:I give cash

[jsolan]

got any job openings?

Eh. That's life.

[SocialEngineer]

I work at a daily newspaper as an artist and web developer (primarily) - high stress, low pay.

We got $20 Chamber of Commerce gift certificates. Woo. I actually wouldn't care if my hours were decent - while I am supposed to only work 8 hours a day (and regulations state that I can't work more than 6 hours without a break), I have many days where I end up working late when everybody else leaves.

Take, for instance, the day before Thanksgiving. It started at 9 AM, and went until about 12:30 AM Thanksgiving morning, with no break. 15.5 hours. The overtime sucked, too (thanks to taxes).

This friday everybody in the office was told that they could leave at 3 assuming the paper was done. Of course, this means that hourly employees lose a couple hours work. Thankfully, though, my day wasn't done - not even close - at 3 PM. Most people left - one of the artists stuck around and helped for a while, but there wasn't much she could do, so she left too. I got home about 7:30 PM.

Of course, since I'm just a 5 minute walk from the office (I couldn't afford a car and gas, anyway), I'm the one who gets called in whenever something needs to be fixed before the paper can print.

Hooray. $20 that can only be used locally at select places. That makes me feel really valuable. Sad part is, corporate actually has a policy against Christmas bonuses.

We have to pay for our christmas party.

[Anonymous Coward]

Where I work the christmas party is $35. This year the ticket count was so low that one of the people in charge sent a company-wide email telling people it was in their "best interest" to attend.

Did I mention we get nothing in terms of bonuses, etc?

No alcohol or ciggies at Le Mart de Wal

[lee n. field]

From the linked article:

offered employees a $25 Wal-Mart holiday gift card, but that the card couldn't be used to buy alcohol or cigarettes.

I'd blow it on ammunition anyway.

Leftover Corporate Paraphernalia

[maiku]

Our office Christmas party is typically a potluck lunch in the conference room on a Friday afternoon. The feast consists of meatballs, crappy beer, and way too many pumpkin pies. Each year management offers up a handful of door prizes to keep people from leaving early. This generally consists of pens, tote bags, day planners, and other items all proudly sporting the corporate logo. They sometimes throw in a $25 Starbucks gift card for good measure.

A few years back I made the mistake of bringing my wife to the party. One of the prizes that year was a company calendar. During the drawing our boss quipped that it was a calendar from the previous year. Well, my wife won, and turns out it *was* a leftover from the previous year. The office admin promised to order a replacement, but of course it never came. My wife left the calendar on the conference room table in protest and vowed to never attend another company event.

This year was the same meatball spectacular but families weren't invited. Wait, I just thought of my New Year's Resolution!

Happy Holidays Everyone! :-)

feliz navidud

[skuzzlebutt]

well, folks, that's the reality of it...I work for one of the companies (think really really big U.S. bank) which tends to be on the cutting edge of cutting (costs, morale, etc), and can tell you that as of the last couple of years, holiday parties and year-end bonuses and gifts are officially outlawed. Not discouraged, not backburnered until things pick up, they are by policy not allowed. Granted, if a group want to get together and have a (dry) potluck and white elephant exchange on their own dimes, the larger corporation will turn their backs on it, provided local management are on board. Them's the brakes, and that's the way the other large corporations are moving on these types of topics: (wholesale expense reductions) > (warm, fuzzy morale muffins)

Can anyone top this?

[dheltzel]

My company laid off 1/3 of their employees (including me) 11 days before Christmas.

Kind of like Ebenezer Scrooge, but without the repentance at the end.

It's Christmas

[edwardpickman]

The company would give away two $100 gift cards--to two of the brave souls who would commit to work 80 hours between Dec. 18 and Dec. 31. As our correspondent noted: "Hey, if you work Christmas, we'll put you in a pool of 2,000 other folks to maybe win a hundred bucks."'"

It's the thought that counts..........Now that I think about it bite me.

You missed the last part.

[IANAAC]

I said "They're already paying you to do your job."

If you wanted or expected more, you should have asked for it up front. It amazes me that people complain about not getting something they didn't ask for in the first place.

Re:You missed the last part.

[ScrewMaster]

True, but it gets a little tricky. If you're an hourly employee, and you get your hourly pay (including any required or agreed-upon overtime), it's time to STFU. But salaried folks are a bit different. It's often expected (not without reason, depending upon the particular position and its responsibilities) that a salaried employee would put in some unspecified amount of time beyond the basic 40 hours (or whatever that is where you are.) For example, in my job I generally just work my regular hours, but it's expected that if a problem occurs or there is some other transient need that requires extra effort that we'll all pull together and take care of it. That's only ethical behavior on our part (don't want to leave a customer hanging in the wind) and the company is careful enough not demand that kind of plus time too often.

But yeah, when a company tries to save payroll costs by squeezing its staff too hard, management has no right whatsoever to expect anything resembling loyalty from said employees ... yet it does! That's the amazing thing. Some of these guys honestly don't understand why their people would resent working 80 hour weeks, especially when the managers leave on time every day. The problems start when corporate types begin to see their underlings as "lucky to have a job". Things usually go from bad to worse at that point.

And once that kind of corporate behavior becomes widespread (which it most certainly has here in the U.S.), employee loyalty drops and turnover increases. Workers feel no particular involvement with the success or failure of their employer, and will leave at the drop of a hat ... and that's only rational behavior because they know that, with rare exceptions, employers cannot be trusted any longer. Corporate America got what it wanted: a ruthless generation of management that considers people to be replaceable components of limited utility, all in the name of more efficiency and lower costs. And when they discovered that we could be replaced with foreign labor at even greater (apparent) savings, they jumped at the chance. The irony is that they screwed themselves too, and we're all paying the price for their inhumanity

There are a lot of Carly Fiorinas running the show nowadays: the work force is expendable.

Re:You missed the last part.

[FLEB]

Yep. It's all about replaceable parts. Unfortunately, the parts also realized they could replace themselves.

Re:You missed the last part.

[archeopterix]

I said "They're already paying you to do your job."

If you wanted or expected more, you should have asked for it up front.

Agreed and agreed. But given what you have written above - why do companies organize those insultingly shitty parties? My answer is that they try to make their employees think it is not like that - they are a big happy family and should happily work harder (than the contracted minimum) to keep it this way. And if that isn't a good reason to complain, at least it is a good reason to make fun of. And that's what the article does.

Re:You missed the last part.

[Shajenko42]

The problems start when corporate types begin to see their underlings as "lucky to have a job". Things usually go from bad to worse at that point.

Heh, my boss has said this to me in almost as many words. I'm part time, but she expects me to be on call the entire time the computer lab (where I work) is open. Plus, the lab assistants are college students, but she expects them to fit their classes around the lab's schedule (and is only offering 9 hours a week of work).

This is why I'm quitting to teach at a community college.

Hey, we always get a Christmas bonus...

[HanzoSpam]

Hell, every year, my company gives us a bonus...

....they bend us over a barrel, and then they bone us.

Ah, yes! My first Christmas bonus.

[flabbergasted]

I was straight out of graduate school. I took a job in the Northeast, and the company paid all of my moving expenses to relocate me from Texas to Massachusetts. Five and half months later I'm sitting in my office when the vice president comes around to give me a bonus check. Now I wasn't even expecting a bonus, so I was thrilled to get it! Then I opened the envelope and discovered that they had given me a bonus of $2400...from which they then deducted my moving expenses, leaving me with $59. In a matter of seconds, I went from being thrilled to get any kind of a bonus (no matter how small!) to feeling like I had been servered a piping hot bowl of cream of shit soup.

Union shop == no bonuses

[Nate B.]

I work for a fortune 500 company and am union in IT. I don't have many complaints and the money pays my bills and I have enough left over for toys.

Each Christmas my immediate supervisor has gotten everyone in my workgroup something, either jackets, small tools, gift certificates, or something useful. For a few years I worked at a division office and the main department management never gave us anything, but they didn't owe us anything either. Since moving home the local manager of the main department sees to it that we get one of the same things they give the members of their department. Again, he doesn't have to do it, but it definitely makes a person feel appreciated.

However, we don't have anything like Christmas parties and such, though, we do get plenty of paid holiday time this time of the year which is nice. Being union means that their are no performance bonuses for anyone unless everyone gets them and then it would be the same amount. While a sizable bonus would be nice, I'll take steady work and sane hours and good pay throughout the year instead.

Big Surprise.

[macthulhu]

When I worked for a division of the world's largest media company, bonus money was given to middle managers to divide up amongst their staff, including themselves. A few years ago, I saw the email announcing the amount. My manager was given $9000 to divide amongst a department of 11 people. We received half gallon jugs of maple syrup from her parents' farm, she received $9000. The best part was that she failed to notice the stamp across the label that read "Quality Control: Rejected". The next year, it was certificates thanking us for a $10 donation to a local soup kitchen. Apparently, she thinks she's the only one who watched Seinfeld.

Re:Big Surprise.

[grommit]

Are you sure she "failed to notice" the stamp? Maybe you got those jugs *because* of that stamp.

Wait a minute....

[TrappedByMyself]

Atheism is the new cool, but we're still expecting perks for Jesus day?

It's not Jesus day...

[Junta]

It's a celebration of the Winter Solstice, you insensitive clod.

Crappy company bonuses

[deadhammer]

Last year, I worked for a telemarketer. On Thanksgiving, they gave away turkeys, like good 15 pound turkeys, which is a pretty darned stand-up thing to do. For Christmas they promised all employees in our section a dinner, paid for by the company. The big day comes around, and what do we get? $5.00 certificates for the Italian place in the food court of the mall (the telemarketer's office is in a mall). Bastards.

At my current programming job, they give gifts to employees yearly. The CEO had us all up to his office for snacks and drinks. This year he gave out what I'm wearing now, which is a rather nice bathrobe (company logos, etc., but they had to specially order them), probably worth well over $75.00. Last year, the employees got jackets. Total cost to the company? Maybe a couple of grand. Increase in morale, including myself? Priceless. See, I don't mind being told "No Christmas bonus/gift because we can't spare the money," I'm totally fine with that. But don't insult me if you're going to give me a gift, I appreciate knowing that the company somewhat cares about me, and isn't just placating me with some meaningless token that they probably got on the cheap because they felt the need to placate the employees.

Re:Absolutely.

[YU Nicks NE Way]

There's another side of it. There's absolutely nothing illegal or even unethical about not giving a bonus when one has "always" been given in the past; that does not make withholding one during a good year or after exemplary performance, or, worse, offering an insulting one, any less insensitive and crude.

Just scraping by on the safe side of the law is poor business.

Company

[Konster]

One company I worked for declined annual raises, then management gave themselves leased Mercedes SUV's as year end bonus. We got calendars.

Myself and a few others quit the day we heard about the new vehicles.

I work for Big Oil too...

[MachDelta]

...and even though i'm just a lowly warehouse monkey that's only been working there for five months (hey, they let me work around school as I need, and it pays pretty good), I got $1500+ in stuff: A $400 xmass bonus (grossed up for a $400 net, just like yours), $350 in free gas (given as a credit at the companies cardlock), a $250 gift certificate to a grocery store, a hoodie, hat, mug, and a $500 end of year bonus. Hell, the new guy who'd been there exactly FOUR DAYS got a $250 cheque.

Insanity, but there's just that much fucking money in oil that they can afford to do that.

Re:At least I got a bonus!

[karmatic]

My boss would rather keep my happy instead of trying to find a replacement for me.
Winning formula for small businesses:
1) Hire competent people
2) Let them do their job
3) Pay them well for 2

I run a small software company, and your boss sounds like he runs things similarly to me. What's the point in having burned out, unhappy employees who work for less than everyone else (usually for a good reason). Makes much more sense to hire good people, and pay them well - ideally sharing in the success of the company either directly (bonus) or indirectly (raise).

This article has made me appreciate the people who work with me a lot more, too. I'm making plenty - why nickel and dime everyone else? It's certainly not the road to happiness (for anyone).

I work at a not for profit you've heard of

[bberens]

Part of the compensation package is a maximum of 4 weeks salary every March. Basically, come tax season, they need to spend all the profit they've racked up so that they can retain their not for profit status. It's almost like government at end of the fiscal year, spend spend spend! Anyways, it's expected and I don't really look at it as the company doing something nice for me. It's just part of the package. Now the surprise was a $25 Regal gift certificate + $10 Chili's gift certificate. Dinner for one and a movie + snacks for two. Not a bad deal. *shrug*

Unions ?

[unity100]

Unions are generally just another way for some other parasites to suck on the workforce - this time by 'leading' them.

Unions and such are not needed. Only thing is needed is the awareness of the 'people'. If people know and accept that some wage is very suckily low, and have the awareness not to go for it (unless they are desperate), there will be no exploit.

And as for the argument that says 'there always be desperate people', i can say only this : in a civil society there should be no desperate people. If you left out some people to be desperate, you ask for whats coming.

Check some european countries - there are good social security coverage in some of them - noone is desperate or starving - employers cant exploit nobody.

We made bonus! Oops, no you didn't.

[DeanFox]

How's this for a non-bonus, bonus.

Working for a fortune 250 company our bonus was based on performance. One year our objective was 32% gross margin. We finished the year with 32.4% gross margin. That meant we made or objective and qualified for a year end bonus. A good one too, like 10% of annual pay.

The rub. The bonus was considered an expense. To pay the bonus and add it to the B&E would drop us to 31.8% gross margin. So, although we busted our collective asses that year and met our objectives, they wouldn't pay the bonus because to do so would drop us below our objective.

It gets better.

Then came a brilliant idea from the management. What if they only paid the exempt managers? A percentage of the managers bonuses were paid from a corporate account. Wa-la. That would only drop our numbers to 32.1%.

I'll let you guess what happened that year. It was also the year I learned the meaning of corporate.

-[d]-