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What Vista Is Really Like

Posted by kdawson on from the hotsauce-on-your-meatloaf dept.

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful? That's Vista for you.

19 of 305 comments (clear)

  1. Oh for sure. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

    That happens to us all the time, and we slashdotters JUS DUN GIV A FUC. That's how badass we are.

    1. Re:Oh for sure. by j35ter · · Score: 5, Funny

      No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid.
      Does he jack off while using Vista?

      --
      Delta-Mike November Bravo Tango
    2. Re:Oh for sure. by Mr.+Cancelled · · Score: 5, Funny

      >> No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid. Does he jack off while using Vista?

      Personally, I find it unlikely that many Slashdotters are waking up with women in their beds, much less dangerous, beautiful ones

      And if they do, my guess is that safety & predictability will be the last thing on their minds...

      A better analogy for /. would be something like "Okay, you have a beowulf cluster of drives. Now the drives are Maxtors, and they're kinda flaky and a unreliable, but -And I can't emphasize this enough - you have a beowulf cluster of hard drives!

    3. Re:Oh for sure. by MrAnnoyanceToYou · · Score: 5, Funny

      Beowulf clusters aren't drives, they're for distributed processing. Bet you don't know much about beautiful and dangerous women, either. ;)

      --
      My little site.
  2. Only... by reality-bytes · · Score: 5, Funny

    The trouble is; she is "Britney Spears" beautiful rather than "Natalie Portman" beautiful. ...so you have to ask yourself, do I need baldilocks or do I need hot grits?

    --
    Ripping an new rectum in the fabric of spacetime.
  3. Oh Please by abscissa · · Score: 5, Funny

    This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

    I'm gay. I'd panic.

    1. Re:Oh Please by Tablizer · · Score: 5, Funny

      I'm gay. I'd panic.

      Would you do Bill Gates? In his prime?

      --
      Table-ized A.I.
    2. Re:Oh Please by MadJo · · Score: 5, Funny

      He said he was gay, not desperate...

      --
      80 CC D8 AF AE D3 AB 54 B7 2E CE 67 C7
  4. Previous versions by hack++slash · · Score: 5, Funny

    But will she go down on you as much as previous incarnations?

    --
    To do something right, you often have to roll up your sleeves and get busy.
  5. My experience by Stephen+Tennant · · Score: 5, Funny
    I wake up early, on an angle, tucked into a large mass of flesh occupying the majority of my small bachelor apartment. As I look over at the walls, I see they are made of glass, and as I struggle to extricate myself from the monolith of apparent woman, so as to see the whole better, I hear a rumbling voice from within,

    "DISPLAY PROPERTIES NEEDS YOUR PER-PER-PER-"

    The whole building collapses.

    --
    I spend most of my time in bed, darling.
  6. A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? by smack.addict · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Why?

  7. I know that dream by mustafap · · Score: 5, Funny

    >what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous...

    and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

    --
    Open Source Drum Kit, LPLC deve board - mjhdesigns.com
    1. Re:I know that dream by Tablizer · · Score: 5, Funny

      and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

      MS Help Line: "But, Sir, that is a bonus feature. We added lots of little extras so that everyone finds what they want. You don't have to use it if you don't want."

      --
      Table-ized A.I.
  8. This is slashdot, wrong analogy by plopez · · Score: 5, Funny

    What you are describing is inconcievable to most of the posters. You might try: "imagaine a 16way AMD box, a real screamer for SETI, molecule folding etc., also fully modded to use the waste heat to make espresso but would randomly shock you and download kiddie pr0n without your knowledge'.

    That might be something a slashdotter understands.

    --
    putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
  9. I'd like to trade! by Courageous · · Score: 5, Funny

    So. I have Vista installed on my home computer.

    Can I trade it for that beautiful and dangerous woman you are talking about?

  10. Vista Woman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yes, she was beautiful last night when you were pissed up on booze, but now, laying next to her, you notice how her face is covered in oozing rivers of makeup, slowly melting and running down her face. You are disgusted by her foul, pitted skin and faint moustache effect. She yawns, and your face is blasted by an unholy, eldritch gas, you recoil and wretch, struggling to keep what remains of last night's kebab and chips in your stomach.

    Terrified you slowly peel back the duvet to reveal breasts that are so small that sagging should not be possible; yet sag they do, with two terrible, craggly nipples point out in unrelated directions. You begin to feel faint, your ears begin to ring, but you cannot resist scanning down her fetid, clammy belly, to see the most rotten vagina that has ever blighted this earth. With lips twisted, gnarled and gaping, the stench is unimaginable; a mixture of stale kippers, mouldy garlic and fuming sulfuric acid, you are amazed that your sheets are still in once piece. Oh yes, you grab the hot sauce alright, but only pour it in your eyes so you can no longer see what lies before you, and force it into your nose so the odour can no longer torment you.

    1. Re:Vista Woman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Allow or deny?

  11. Re:the comparison... by mshmgi · · Score: 5, Funny

    Personally, I like my women like I like my coffee ... cold, dark and bitter.

  12. Re:I like my coffee by maxume · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lightly roasted.

    Finely ground.

    In puddles on the floor.

    Full of milk.

    --
    Nerd rage is the funniest rage.