Slashdot Mirror


What Vista Is Really Like

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful? That's Vista for you.

40 of 305 comments (clear)

  1. Oh for sure. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

    That happens to us all the time, and we slashdotters JUS DUN GIV A FUC. That's how badass we are.

    1. Re:Oh for sure. by j35ter · · Score: 5, Funny

      No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid.
      Does he jack off while using Vista?

      --
      Delta-Mike November Bravo Tango
    2. Re:Oh for sure. by tomhudson · · Score: 4, Funny

      Actually, its more like "what if you woke and found a strange and bloated woman in your bed, and she was irrational, unpredictable, and dangerous... and also a control freak? That's Vista for you."

      Sexual fantasies over Microsoft Windows? This guy REALLY needs to get out more ...

    3. Re:Oh for sure. by Mr.+Cancelled · · Score: 5, Funny

      >> No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid. Does he jack off while using Vista?

      Personally, I find it unlikely that many Slashdotters are waking up with women in their beds, much less dangerous, beautiful ones

      And if they do, my guess is that safety & predictability will be the last thing on their minds...

      A better analogy for /. would be something like "Okay, you have a beowulf cluster of drives. Now the drives are Maxtors, and they're kinda flaky and a unreliable, but -And I can't emphasize this enough - you have a beowulf cluster of hard drives!

    4. Re:Oh for sure. by MrAnnoyanceToYou · · Score: 5, Funny

      Beowulf clusters aren't drives, they're for distributed processing. Bet you don't know much about beautiful and dangerous women, either. ;)

  2. Waking dream?? by fred911 · · Score: 3, Funny

    It's called a wet dream....

    --
    09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B - D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0 45 5F E1 04 22 CA 29 C4 93 3F 95 05 2B 79 2A B2
    1. Re:Waking dream?? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      No, its called my PSYCHO ex-gf. Awesome in bed, but *shiver* psycho.... *shiver*
      Kinda like when you've been tied up and she goes down stairs and you hear kitchen utensils rattling and this was just after Basic Instint (one, yes a long time ago).... *shiver*
      Never again! I swore to myself, never again!!!! ... ..
      .
      Then I got married.........
      *shiver*

    2. Re:Waking dream?? by bl8n8r · · Score: 3, Funny

      on the contrary, this wet dream can give you infections.

      --
      boycott slashdot February 10th - 17th check out: altSlashdot.org
  3. Only... by reality-bytes · · Score: 5, Funny

    The trouble is; she is "Britney Spears" beautiful rather than "Natalie Portman" beautiful. ...so you have to ask yourself, do I need baldilocks or do I need hot grits?

    --
    Ripping an new rectum in the fabric of spacetime.
    1. Re:Only... by Cadallin · · Score: 3, Insightful

      Yeah, I'll pass on "Brittany Spears" "beautiful." I prefer something more classically beautiful than trendy white trash thank you very much.

    2. Re:Only... by Tx · · Score: 4, Insightful

      I'm a overweight computer geek happily engaged in a stable relationship with a marvellous (and believe me, very hot) girlfriend.

      Post pics or STFU ;)
      --
      Oh no... it's the future.
  4. Oh Please by abscissa · · Score: 5, Funny

    This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

    I'm gay. I'd panic.

    1. Re:Oh Please by Tablizer · · Score: 5, Funny

      I'm gay. I'd panic.

      Would you do Bill Gates? In his prime?

    2. Re:Oh Please by MadJo · · Score: 5, Funny

      He said he was gay, not desperate...

  5. Previous versions by hack++slash · · Score: 5, Funny

    But will she go down on you as much as previous incarnations?

    --
    To do something right, you often have to roll up your sleeves and get busy.
    1. Re:Previous versions by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      I think that is concern in your eyes when she asks you if you would like to upgrade to her sister, with different capabilities, for a price. And then you realize what just happened.

  6. My experience by Stephen+Tennant · · Score: 5, Funny
    I wake up early, on an angle, tucked into a large mass of flesh occupying the majority of my small bachelor apartment. As I look over at the walls, I see they are made of glass, and as I struggle to extricate myself from the monolith of apparent woman, so as to see the whole better, I hear a rumbling voice from within,

    "DISPLAY PROPERTIES NEEDS YOUR PER-PER-PER-"

    The whole building collapses.

    --
    I spend most of my time in bed, darling.
  7. A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? by smack.addict · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Why?

    1. Re:A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? by gEvil+(beta) · · Score: 4, Funny

      A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? Why?

      I thought the whole thing was pretty self-explanatory...I mean, isn't bad writing why LJ exists in the first place?

      --
      This guy's the limit!
  8. I know that dream by mustafap · · Score: 5, Funny

    >what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous...

    and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

    --
    Open Source Drum Kit, LPLC deve board - mjhdesigns.com
    1. Re:I know that dream by Tablizer · · Score: 5, Funny

      and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

      MS Help Line: "But, Sir, that is a bonus feature. We added lots of little extras so that everyone finds what they want. You don't have to use it if you don't want."

  9. Yeah. . . by Who235 · · Score: 4, Funny

    This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?


    Too bad she's bloated and stops you a hundred times whenever you try to do anything interesting.
  10. Are they even trying anymore? by tomstdenis · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Vanity article about Vista ... again ...

    I'm not against Vista [though I am], I'm not for it [truth], I just don't care. Are we not yet over the novelty of Vista yet or what? It's basically Windows XP++, big deal.

    Tom

    --
    Someday, I'll have a real sig.
  11. Hi I'm Windows Vista and I .. by mochan_s · · Score: 4, Funny

    Since we are anthropomorphizing and all ..

    I'd say Vista is like a fat ugly lady dressed in very nice clothes. And, I'd say Vista users are like those people looking for a sugar mama going after glitz.

  12. This is slashdot, wrong analogy by plopez · · Score: 5, Funny

    What you are describing is inconcievable to most of the posters. You might try: "imagaine a 16way AMD box, a real screamer for SETI, molecule folding etc., also fully modded to use the waste heat to make espresso but would randomly shock you and download kiddie pr0n without your knowledge'.

    That might be something a slashdotter understands.

    --
    putting the 'B' in LGBTQ+
  13. I'm from Utah... by SammysIsland · · Score: 4, Funny

    I have many partitions.

  14. I'd like to trade! by Courageous · · Score: 5, Funny

    So. I have Vista installed on my home computer.

    Can I trade it for that beautiful and dangerous woman you are talking about?

  15. expensive whore with stds by capoccia · · Score: 4, Funny

    so vista is like an expensive whore with STDs?

  16. Sheesh.. by Dunbal · · Score: 3, Funny

    You'd think that all these bloggers would accept the fact that Microsoft isn't giving away any more free laptops by now...

    --
    Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
  17. Re:A beautiful woman? by Dunbal · · Score: 4, Funny

    The fact that she's crazy can be overlooked

          I wouldn't be so sure about that...

    --
    Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
  18. Kinda funny, but utter rubbish by David+Horn · · Score: 3, Insightful

    Mildly funny, but why does the author go on a rant about viewing the screen resolution? For crying out loud, it's only 3 clicks away from the desktop. Ironically, exactly the same as in XP...

    --
    PocketGamer.org - For the gamer on the go!
  19. Vista Woman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yes, she was beautiful last night when you were pissed up on booze, but now, laying next to her, you notice how her face is covered in oozing rivers of makeup, slowly melting and running down her face. You are disgusted by her foul, pitted skin and faint moustache effect. She yawns, and your face is blasted by an unholy, eldritch gas, you recoil and wretch, struggling to keep what remains of last night's kebab and chips in your stomach.

    Terrified you slowly peel back the duvet to reveal breasts that are so small that sagging should not be possible; yet sag they do, with two terrible, craggly nipples point out in unrelated directions. You begin to feel faint, your ears begin to ring, but you cannot resist scanning down her fetid, clammy belly, to see the most rotten vagina that has ever blighted this earth. With lips twisted, gnarled and gaping, the stench is unimaginable; a mixture of stale kippers, mouldy garlic and fuming sulfuric acid, you are amazed that your sheets are still in once piece. Oh yes, you grab the hot sauce alright, but only pour it in your eyes so you can no longer see what lies before you, and force it into your nose so the odour can no longer torment you.

    1. Re:Vista Woman by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Allow or deny?

    2. Re:Vista Woman by darkhitman · · Score: 3, Funny

      Objection: There is no such thing as "too much Lovecraft".

      --
      Tell me something...it's still "We, the people"... right?
  20. Re:This description is far too vague by Dunbal · · Score: 3, Funny

    Does this mean we'll have to RTFA?

          Of course not. That would be cheating.

    --
    Seven puppies were harmed during the making of this post.
  21. I propose a thread, OS as a woman. by SmallFurryCreature · · Score: 4, Funny

    Windows, pretty on the outside but further examination reveals that it is thick layer of make up applied to an old hag who there for everyone. She is set in her ways and getting her to do anything requires you to spend more money.

    OS-X. Extremely pretty but deep down she is an mature lady with a lot of refinement. She however expects only the best so you better deliver. This baby is going to cost you.

    Linux, the ugly duckling of the pack, yet she loves you completely without resevervation, she doesn't want your for your money or status. She is open and honest. And if you love her you can turn her into the princes of the ball but unlike the pretty windows, the linux girl stays true to you.

    BSD, well, you seen dawn of the dead?

    I am KIDDING!

    OS/2 A loving hard working wive who raised the kids perfectly, kept the house in excellent condition and always prepared delicious meals followed by amazing sex, yet spurned for a 16 bit bimbo with 32 bit makeup.

    Mainframe, you have to wait in line with the other johns, good service but you know thousands of others have been there before you.

    Okay, I am out, your turn.

    --

    MMO Quests are like orgasms:

    You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.

  22. Re:The irony is Linux is better looking by beelsebob · · Score: 3, Informative

    Not really -- the prettiness in OS X is used to make the OS easier to work, the prettiness there is pretty much useless -- the only thing I see as being useful is being able to drop something onto the dock from anywhere along the bottom saves the need to be accurate. This is one reason why vista got it wrong -- Exposé goes out of it's way to show you lots of stuff at the same time so you can make an informed choice. Flip 3D in the mean time may be prettier, but it goes out of it's way to hide everything except for one window -- it can't be used to make comparisons, it can't be used anywhere near as fast as Exposé to change windows. Bob

  23. Re:the comparison... by mshmgi · · Score: 5, Funny

    Personally, I like my women like I like my coffee ... cold, dark and bitter.

  24. Re:I like my coffee by maxume · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lightly roasted.

    Finely ground.

    In puddles on the floor.

    Full of milk.

    --
    Nerd rage is the funniest rage.
  25. Re:A beautiful woman? by SCHecklerX · · Score: 3, Informative

    Not to mention that vista is not beautiful visually or functionally.