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Star Trek Fragrances
An anonymous reader writes "I am a trek fan and excited about the new movie, but this is too much. From the Trek Movie Article:
'Genki Wear, known for its licensed science fiction jewelry and perfumes, has produced what might be the most unusual Star Trek product ever: Star Trek colognes and perfume based on the original 1960s television show. ... There are three fragrances planned for 2009 with the monikers 'Tiberius," "Red Shirt" and "Ponn Farr."'" Are they telling us we stink?
You smell that? That's ambergris from the original humpback whales they used in Star Trek IV:The Voyage Home.
I will admit, though I hate the idea, at least the "Red Shirt" has some humor to it--the box has "Red Shirt: Because tomorrow may never come" on it. And the article subtitles the picture with "Live every day as if it could be your last, with 'Red Shirt' cologne." The hilarious marketing slogans basically write themselves though:
My work here is dung.
You fanbois can keep your Jolene Blalock and Jeri Ryan.
Give me Kate Mulgrew any day. I'd pilot my shuttle into her delta quadrant any day.
Because once every seven years means you have to smell as good as you possibly can before embarking upon a hormone filled sexual conquest fest. Might not stand up in court...
Proooooooooooooduct placement with TACO BELL!
Hey, whatever gets me some hot Orion slave girls works for me, particularly this Dabo girl turned Orion slave girl.
The Overrated mod is for reversing inappropriate, positive mods, not for voicing disagreement with a post.
Seeing as there's no Venus Drug listed there. I mean, come ON! That'd sell like commuicator replicas at a convention.
You know the thing about UDP jokes? I don't care if you get it or not.
Give me some of the Ponn Farr perfume, so I can squirt it on female classmates. Maybe I can finally get laid.
(ducks a spitball)
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - historian Evelyn Beatrice Hall
I we sure these are designed to attract the female of the human species?
Jumpstart the tartan drive.
"Tiberius" - the smell of a soldier who wants to attract the ladies
"Red Shirt" - the smell of a soldier after a barroom brawl over the affections of a lady
"Ponn Farr" - the smell of the soldier who won said brawl, after retiring to a private room with the women he was fighting over
"Cold Shower" - the smell of the soldier after the lady walks out on him when she realizes she's fallen for a brute
Knowledge is how to play a game, intelligence is how to win, wisdom is knowing what game to play.
How about Kobayashi Maru
Its a blend of Deer Musk and Skunk.
Actually, Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs has been doing this kind of stuff for years. Check out Picnic in Arkham and the The Neil Gaiman Collection among others....
I don't know about you, but I've always wanted to smell like Herbert West! (or a Shoggoth!)
"MIT betrayed all of its basic principles."
Will it help me "assimilating" Seven of Nine?
"I have downloaded hundreds and hundreds of records, why would I care if somebody downloads ours?" Robin Pecknold
Perhaps you have heard Russian epic of Cinderella? If shoe fits, wear it!
Public use of any portable music system is a virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies. -- Zoso
And their showering frequency.
Why every morning, the average Trek geek steps into his shower, hums the Trek theme loudly for 60 seconds, and calls that a sonic shower.
Water hardly ever comes into it.
Just your palms.
that associated the name 'Ponn Farr' with 'Porn Fan'???
He might soon be out of a job.
this has been done. I'd like to see a cosmetic company release a product line under the umbrella company name.
Now that would be fun to market.
but it smells like Horta with just a touch of Targh...
http://twitter.com/OLDTELEGRAM
Because whatever it is those green alien chicks of Orion wear, it sure excites my pleasure receptors!
What?
Give me some of the Ponn Farr perfume, so I can squirt it on female classmates.
Fine print on the label:
WARNING: Will take seven years to have desired effect.
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
Le Nez - And here's our latest mixture for Red Shirt. Have a whif and tell me what you pick up on.
Marketing Exec - Let's see.. - burning flesh and polyester?
L - Quite right. And?
M - Cold sweat.
L - Anything else?
M - I'm thinking..a hint of self-defecation?
L - Excellent! We also included some sagebrush to give it that "stuck on a barren desert planet" air.
Prisencolinensinainciusol. Ol Rait!
Read about the theory of constraints in manufacturing you have to address the big issue first for the little issues to make a difference. Cheap cologne on top of funk just smells like cheap cologne on top of funk.
/. markets...thought I should issue the disclaimer)
What they need is Trek SOAP. Preferably in the shape of various Trek heroines and female villains. Then the fanboys might actually use it.
THIS SHOULD ONLY BE DONE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME, SLASHDOTTERS!!! (there is significant overlap in the Trek and
for when you really expect to get shot down
every day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
http://web.dragoncontv.com/general/289/
Ponn-Farr and Away
http://blindscribblings.com - Tasty pop-culture in conceptual fashion.
I want Khan musk.
You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
Don't worry; Brawndo's got electrolytes.
...with such scents as "Dagobah Evenings," "Cantina Musk," and "Allure of the Dark Side"...
DragonCon TV made that joke way back in 2005
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mboR7Y3pFUg
____________________
Clouds in the Sky,
Water in a bottle
You will see any kind of fanatic product.
Unfortunately you the fan frangrance too - pudgy, sweating, teenage males who dont groom often enough.
Not possible. The phrase before the conjunction is contradicted by the phrase after the conjunction.
Either you're a trek fan and your horrified by the new movie. Or you're not a trek fan and are excited about the new movie.
It is because the movie is coming out soon, they need to capitalize and start the momentum of selling and promoting, blah, blah, blah. This one actually has some decent starring actors in it like Eric Bana. I think that might be the only reason I am going to see the movie, honestly.
I thought the Red Shirt cologne was funny! They have fragrances for everything now, even colleges are putting out scents. I maybe would buy one it smelled nice, because I am a sucker for perfume. I am actually kind of curious as to see what my school's perfume smells like, probably grilled cinnamon stickies and ice cream, well I am hoping it would smell something like that!
LOL
I mean who doesn't love perfume, well unless you are allergic or are one of those over wearers, those are worst, people that dip themselves in cologne. Now that I think about it, the average Star Trek fan probably has wicked allergies so they probably should have come out with a line of hypoallergenic mild soaps and lotions! LOL
... if the average Star Trek fan has no date? :)
Tiberius - For a man who wants to rule the Universe
Red Shirt - For those that will NOT return from the away mission
Pon Farr - For those that believe the AXE commercials
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
What's that smell? What the hell is THAT smell? We'll, I'll tell you, it's Uhura.
DAMN! and they don't use resident evil as a marketing angle?
what's wrong with them?
Then we can meld more than minds!
I may not be a smart man, but I know what an inode is.
...your parents basement.
Have gnu, will travel.
Is that targeted at starship captains that frequently date outside their species? 'Cause that seems like a pretty small market segment!
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
Perfect for my life size 1968 Uhuru doll!
Uhura Pic
Because getting laid once every seven years is a drag .. Why take a chance... PONN FARR
Star Trek lately has all been about the money, so I'm not terribly surprised. Especially since Star Trek is a wholly-owned property of Paramount. After all, why does everyone seem to have a different Starfleet "uniform" even though they're practically in the same time period? Or how even one series can change uniforms. It gets fans to buy more licensed goods.
Anyhow... any good fan would know what my /. userid means... so they need these fragrances:
"Scent of a Klingon" (useful to get some spare cubes around you, and other places where there is just too many people invading your personal space).
eau de Worf" - lilacs, naturally!
I'll wait for scent of 7 of 9 to come out!
I can't be the only one who thought of this.
Sorry.. I honestly first saw Ponn Farr and my mind went "A relation of Jamie Farr?" (Klinger from M.A.S.H.) And then the perceived sexiness of the scent took a complete nosedive...
Excuse me... Excuse me... I just wanted to ask a question. What does a Trekkie need with a cologne?
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
I'm female. I'm a Trekkie. I like perfume.
I know what I'm getting for my birthday this year!
Brilliant marketing! Men are lousing at getting presents for their wives and girlfriends. A gift of the "pon farr" scent not only says, "I love you" but also "I will go through a hormonal frenzy in order to make love to you". Sounds pretty awesome to me.
I would also recommend packaging the scent with a DVD of TOS "Amok Time" and VOY "Blood Fever" to get her in the mood for logical lovin'.
"Equal bytes for women!"
Star Trek: Fragrances
Janeway is back on earth and has been fired from starfleet for 'shocking incompetence' and has opened a perfume shoppe.
Are they telling us we stink?
Have you ever been to a convention? I haven't, but if word of how bad hygiene is at these things gets out to someone who never has gone (and has no intention of ever going to one, ie, me), it might be a sign.
I am a trek fan and I am intrigued by the new movie.
I am a trek fan, but I probably won't be after the new movie.
The is a new movie?
Shattner is my God!
If I were God, wouldn't I protect my churches from acts of me?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gamesters_of_Triskelion
Each bottle comes with a tinfoil bikini and a giant can opener for your wife or girlfriend, and Kirk's "Training Harness" for yourself.
Send the kids to relative for the weekend, and recreate the infamous battle between the Thralls and the Newcomers in your very own bedroom.
Invite the neighbors to come over and watch and place bets with quatloos.
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
> Are they telling us we stink?
Geeks with poor personal habits. Who woulda thunkit.
Oliver's law of assumed responsibility: If you're seen fixing it, you will be blamed for breaking it.
2 words: pussy repellent.
Clearly, someone was tired of standing around at sci-fi conventions where everybody smells. They might not shower, they might not buy regular cologne, but they'll buy STAR TREK COLOGNE! :D
Genius. Especially since people will undoubtedly want to "collect the whole set" (granted there are only two at the moment). PROFIT!
10 FILL MUG WITH COFFEE
20 DRINK COFFEE
30 GOTO 10
As a woman who spends the first twenty seconds of her Linux user group meeting carefully choosing the optimum place to sit, I'm going to have to go with "Yes."
The key is to arrive late enough such that the stinky people are already placed, so you can pick the seat farthest away from them. Ideally, you want to pick a seat that doesn't have too many other empty seats around it (so a stinky person doesn't come in after you and foil your plans). If a bad choice is made, you have to hang on until a break to get some coffee and stealthily pick another seat.
Star Trek soap and deodorant would probably be enough
I am all for anything that makes nerds smell better
I'm waiting for Sex Panther. 60% of the time, it works all the time!
I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule.
It's good that someone is finally selling a product specifically targeted at female Star Trek fans.
Unfortunately, it seems the first obvious need they found in that demographic was for something to improve their smell.
I wonder if "Red Shirt" smells like burnt plasma.
holy crap... they're really making pon farr?
Dragon*Con lampooned this a couple years ago in one of their fauxmercials at the con:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mboR7Y3pFUg
Lets face it, isn't Pon Farr really saying "I will only have sex with you or any woman if my body chemistry makes me choose between sex and death and even then it is a close call".
And women suck at buying presents at well. I always get soap and socks. Why? A bar easily lasts a year or two and I still got socks that bend.
MMO Quests are like orgasms:
You may solo them, I prefer them in a group.
No they're telling you you are suckers.
Please set your faces to stunned!
In the not too distant future, next Sunday A.D.
Uhh. Lord, that's just too easy. Where are they gonna advertise this stuff, Mars TV or Manswers? Let's not forget Lt. Yarr's favorite, Disenchanted. Or Data's perennial parfum of cherce, WD 69. Or Whorf's favorite acne creme, Slash Dot.
``Tension, apprehension & dissension have begun!'' - Duffy Wyg&, in Alfred Bester's _The Demolished Man_
Step 1) Rant on about something completely off topic
Step 2) ???
Step 3) Profit Bob!
You either have the shittiest name ever or you just don't know how to spell Prophet...wank...
That is the absolute worst off topic 3rd grade essay i have ever read. You sir are a fucking moron. You would benefit from some Red Shirt cologne...and in doing so we would all benefit.
I cannot help thinking that, in reality, hygiene on a spaceship would not be too different from in a submarine.
Eau de Kirk: The fragrance of JTK after 5 years washing in just a cupful of water each day and with one change of clothes.
I'll pass, thank you very much.
Tiberius: A big Ham. Red Shirt: A big charred Ham. Pon Farr: (I'll leave this pork reference to the imagination...)
comes a new fragrance... "Shat"
She will love the way you smell, the smell of Shat!
OH MY GAWD!!! That's just what I need... to be stranded in the delta quadrant with a horny vulcan humping my leg like an over sexxed retriever! I think not!
That's just speciesist!!! Parmaq, by Kelvin Klein, A little blood wine and bad poetry... then BAM!!! Spank it like a Targ!
http://web.dragoncontv.com/general/289/
Already been done, in 2005. Somebody owes Dragon*ConTV some money. :)