Ball And Chain To Force Children To Study
You haven't tried everything to get your kids to study until you've tried the Study Ball. The Study Ball is a 21-pound prison-style device that locks onto your child's leg and only unlocks after a predetermined amount of study time has passed. The homework manacles can't be locked for more than four hours, and come with a safety key. The product website states, "Quite often, students who are having problems concentrating tend to get up every ten minutes to watch TV, talk on the phone, take something out of the fridge, and a long list of other distractions. Were they to dedicate all this wasted time to studying, they would optimise their performance and have more free time available. Study Ball helps you study more and more efficiently." Stop Teasing Your Brother Pepper Spray coming soon.
This should work exactly as well as physically abusing your child when he or she does something wrong. That way when they are faced with conflict later in life, they follow in your steps and resort to violence.
Oh, by the way, 9.5 kg (21 pounds)!? What kid is that going to inhibit? I was walking up and down fields picking up rocks heavier than that by the time I was in grade school! If that stops your kid from moving, you've got other parenting problems to worry about
Were they to dedicate all this wasted time to studying, they would optimise their performance and have more free time available.
Not always true. Read this article.
My work here is dung.
For a moment there I thought you were talking about the old trouble and strife!
Once I was a four stone apology. Now I am two separate gorillas.
And it is quite apparent by the nature of the device, that it was either designed to - or would strongly appeal to be used in such cases.
...to help me study for my CCNP exam. I keep finding ways to get distracted by more exciting material (squirrels, birds, my girlfriend, my rabbit, watching grass grow...)
Everybody RUN!
1 hours later...
Fireman: WTF do you mean your child had a ball and chain strapped to their leg?!
Retarded Parent: It was to help them study, and it was easily heavy enough for them to lift.
Fireman: But it got stuck under the table because of the panic and now your child is a crispy critter.
Policeman: Sir, please put your hands behind your back.
Heh, no I'm not some liberal pansy that doesn't believe in doing things that are harsh. I just don't care for stupid. If my kids dont' study I beat them with the ball and chain, not strap them to it!
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are subtle, and quick to anger.
Ball and chains are my fetish, and good luck trying to get it to stop me from alt+tabbing to my cowboy neal porn.
Surely making the subject fun, interesting would be a better way of encouraging students? I guess if you're a parent who can't be bothered and a teacher that can't teach then, sure, get the stocks out... but really. This must be a joke.
It just needs a slight modification is all!
Is there one to make us stop trolling slashdot?
Table-ized A.I.
First time someone doesn't get out of a burning building, or tumbles down the stairs will spell the end of this company...
Use your pickaxe to dig a pit in the floor, drag the ball into the pit, and push a boulder into the pit.
Oh, wait, real life doesn't work quite like Nethack.
I am officially gone from
Capatilism gone wrong? Crazy parents gone wild? it's hard to pin point what the hell went wrong here, but it bears out the old idiom the truth is stranger than fiction, skimmed TFA and saw it's british, here in the US social services and society as a whole are overwhelmingly knee jerk on topics like this, and I wouldn't be suprised if a parent that put this on their child ended up in bracelets.
Don't most kids these days have cell phones? I really don't see this being very effective It isn't that hard to move with a 21 pound ball. It would prevent most physical types of activities, but just sitting around or moving the ball to the TV and watching TV really isn't going to be very difficult.
Doctors do Massage in Longview WA now, who knew?
It looks like the whole point of this device is to make it so the parents don't have to...be parents and help their children study... In that case, having to unlock the kid to use the bathroom seems counter-productive, unless it comes with a catheter (valued at $19.99), absolutely free! In all seriousness, this generation of parents that would actually consider buying such a device have worked very hard at removing themselves from an active parenting role. Parents of the new age are TV, video games, and ritalin.
Luckily it comes with a matching chamberpot.
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
Good thing we don't have housefires anymore. One of those things would be really problematic if the kid needed to get out of the house in a hurry.
TFA said it costs 75 pounds. Not only would you be a retarded parent for torturing your kid and making him associate studying with confinement, but you would be retarded because even if you wanted to such a stupid thing, you could do it for much, much cheaper.
Abaddon: An Xbox 360 Indie game
that it comes with diapers!
The sons Harry Harrison's famous sci-fi super-criminal, the "Stainless Steel Rat," were sent to the harshest military academy in known space, because no other institution would be able to get them to do even a little of their studying. Apparently, the boys did do their studies because the instructors kept recapturing them and chaining them to their desk. As a side effect, they also became expert lockpicks.
http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Stainless-Steel-Harry-Harrison/dp/0441004229/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242671490&sr=8-1
Indeed. I think more modern techniques should be offered.
Home Waterboarding?
Nothing inspires the will to learn in a child like the fear of drowning.
Schroedinger's Brexit: The UK is both in and out of the EU at the same time!
Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV? Sitting down with your children? And hitting them?
Do not taunt happy fun ball and chain.
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
Shoot, I'll pick up a couple just for weekend fun in my dungeon.
<-- title says it all.
It would have taken me about five seconds to smash a contraption like that to bits.
-jcr
The only title of honor that a tyrant can grant is "Enemy of the State."
Maybe not April 1st, but still, it says that it uses AAA batteries. There does not appear to be a wire stretching from ball to manacle. The manacle is incredibly thin -- where are the batteries going to fit? Or for that matter, where is the electrically actuated lock works going to fit? I'm skeptical that it is a real product.
What changed under Obama? Nothing Good
...or you'll be wearing concrete galoshes.
Parenting tips from (old school) Scotty.
... who thinks that this would be a great way to induce creative thinking in kids? They could discover how to MacGyver the thing into letting them go, short circuit the timer, break the chain, etc. Also, it would be useful as a weapon; help the neighborhood bully with his homework and leave him in the basement, starving. Or, you could work extra chain links to make it longer, and make it useful for sneaking out at night!
Ok, enough kidding. This thing is ridiculous.
Perception is the thin dividing line between reality and fiction.
And what, prey tell, is wrong with the good ol' fashion genital cuffs? I know water boarding is the "in" thing these days, but there's no reason to abandon traditional methods when they work just fine.
I was raised on the cuffs, and my scholastic performance was excellent, thank you very much.
Now this might not be feasible for use by children, but I'm certain many of managers out there would love to implement it in their office.
If someone is passing you on the right, you are an asshole for driving in the wrong lane.
This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Was this designed by a Concerned Parent (TM) or a dominatrix?
+Okay so this seems cruel and barbaric, but c'mon nowadays most parenting techniques involve a parent getting emotional and then going out and buying their child something because they feel bad they were upset at their child. Exactly how did your parents get you to study, if you were one who didn't want to stay put? I know there were times when this particular ball n chain solution was quite a bit more humane. And sometimes children need a little humiliation to choose something that's better for themselves... then again, I've a two year old... and were it not for the fire safety, I've contemplated putting the locks on the outside of his bedroom. Meh...
http://www.beanleafpress.com
I wholeheartedly endorse this product.
From Working Class Hero:
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear...
Entertainment my ass - this is just sad.
Pathological kinda promises Path + Logical - but instead, you get stuck with pathetic.
It's shopped clearly someone is having a bit of fun and you all fell for it LOL.
In that case I say just chain them to the chamberpot. The kid might still run around with the weight around their ankle, but they aren't going to dare do anything that might tip the chamberpot!
The enemies of Democracy are
But will help prepare the kid for marriage later on.
I eat only the real part of complex carbohydrates.
Look at the photo, it's an obvious photoshop. The shackle is too thin to contain an LED display, and I don't know of any curved displays like in the photo. Also, the shackle is too thin to contain batteries, there's no wire from the ball if it were to have them, and there's no room that I can see for any kind of electrically-powered solenoid or locking device. It looks like a Halloween costume prop with a display photoshopped onto it. Besides the fact that it's totally ridiculous. Someone is messing with us.
Being a high school senior, I can tell you this is pretty much what the whole educational system in America is like. People who are supposed to be helping others learn instead just do whatever takes the load off their shoulders.
They assign long work with no educational value, or give their students an assignment, go back to their computer and claim to be "grading" assignments, yet the next day give papers to other students to grade.
If parents or teachers really cared about learning they would help their kids learn, not try to associate learning with punishment as a way to keep kids out of their hair.
Punishment should be a tool to aid in learning, not the other way around.
The Internet has given stupid people the resources of intelligent people.
I say go with Shock Pants... Works on employees too!
"If anything can go wrong, it will." - Murphy
battle-axe and frigid-bitch unavailable for comment as both were found locked in heated honeydew debate.
Good people go to bed earlier.
Let me try and describe this device as if it were a topic of an article at Telegraph.co.uk.
Gun Camera to make people stop killing
To end all gun violence once and for all, guns will be replaced with gun cameras.
Your boss asks you to do the impossible, your mom tortures you to get you to clean up your room, your friends stand you up, your girlfriend cheats on you... instead of taking out your aggression on the first innocent victim you find, we suggest you get one of these 100% harmless guns.
It'll take a picture each time you press the trigger.
Aimat is a very basic, utterly unsophisticated photo camera. It was designed by Franziska Dierschke, a German student at the Bauhaus Academy in Weimar.
Two years ago, she presented it at Desifnmai, a design conference held in Berlin, but it's only now started catching on over the Internet.
It's a pinhole camera, the kind anyone can make at home because they don't require any sort of extensive understanding of photography.
These cameras produce an image using light that passes through a tiny hole.
Any sort of container can be used to make a pinhole camera; all you have to do is drill a hole in it.
And what better way to "shoot" your photos than straight out of a gun?
This camera has no focus, viewfinder, or lenses and makes very interesting photos, with a darkened frame around them like you get with the Lomo.
A camera/toy that will help you reduce tension and also have fun running after your girlfriend, your mother, your boss, and your friends.
Why am I mentioning this?
Because they (Telegraph.co.uk) found the Study Ball at that same site.
IT IS A JOKE ITEM!
Not actually intended as a study device.
You know... like the Periodic Table Shower Curtain.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Worse... It is a joke novelty item.
You know... Like stuff at ThinkGeek.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
This is a joke, right?
I guess you could give your kid Frosted Krusty-O's with the jagged metal Krusty-O in every box to go with that.
--
My parents went to Slashdot and all I got was this lousy sig.
America is the richest nation on earth, with the most riches available for those who can pay for them. So:
Introduce an educational pay scale for students, starting aged 8, with remuneration based on performance and attendance. The scale is designed to ensure you are at least financially independent from your parents by the time you leave college, provided you have managed your education well enough: hounded out bad teachers, rejected time-wasting crap like sports, ensured you have plenty of teaching in things like mechanical engineering, bio-tech and accounting. You'll be able to afford the finest recreational sex, electronics and politicians by the time you are 20 -as long as you keep up the good grades and attendance. At that point, you should not only want to get a high-paying job in order to keep you in the style to which you have become accustomed, but be able to so so.
America then becomes the world's most highly-educated nation, and the world's most successful economy, in one generation.
Best of all, it would probably cost the country about the same as it does to pay for recreational "incentives" like balls on a chain.
"And the meaning of words; when they cease to function; when will it start worrying you?"
The website that appears in the product photograph seems to list the product as unavailable. It doesn't say if it is out of stock or if there is some other reason. And the product page seems to indicate it is targeted at older student (college, for instance) to help them study rather than for parents to use on their kids. I'm not sure if it is meant as a joke or not.
If I can be modded down for being a troll, can I be modded up for being an orc, or a balrog?
But the same hold for me. I can evry clearly remember my parents (or more precisely) my mother) having with me a particular hard scolding (without hitting me) and crying afterward, and still have my heart "hurt" over it. I can't remmber ANY spanking at all. My family i got some.
C. Sagan : A demon haunted world:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0345409469/
visit randi.org
When I was a kid, if I was locked up against my will and given something to swing, they would have had to take me down with a tranquilizer gun, and by then half the house would have been broken. This is not how you motivate people to do well.
So does the company offer a warranty for my flooring?
Just nail your kid's foot to the ground.
It's got to be a hoax, expecially covered in a UK news site.
Either it significantly impedes a child's movements, or it doesn't. If it doesn't, what's the point? If it does, it's prosecutable criminal child abuse. End of story.
Gotta be a hoax.
+1 Insightful
I'd do it myself if I had modpoints.
If we start chaining them down, kids will start having sedentary lifestyles!
Hang on...
Drill baby drill - on Mars
It's intended for yourself. It's so you can force yourself to study.
Have you ever had trouble motivating yourself? Finding distractions that you know are just displacement activities but you still do them? You really need to study but can't? That's what it's for!
And it probably doesn't really exist.
Often times I have strapped my leg to a chair with a belt, to keep me working on a Bio assignment. If it is enforced by your parents it is cruel and possibly illegal, if is self inflicted it is helpful or possibly kinky.
I assume that they indemnify their customers against being arrested by Child Protective Services?
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
for when I want to have sex and the timer will only need to go up to two minutes.
The ironic name is just a plus.
The ball and chain is a joke as it has little educational value, however the shower curtain is pretty useful and has educational value.
insert inflammatory comment here!
What a complete atrocity. This is bad news waiting to happen, I can see it.
As to those who responded that this is funny, how laughable is it looked at it this way: old codgers in the news with their children chained up in their basements, hardy fucking har?
Is schadenfreud so pervasive in our society that the mass response to this is jolity? I really wouldn't have predicted that the prime response from slashdotters to this would be to guffaw, or that the tags would read "awesome entertainment". Are non-nerds right in stereotyping nerds as bad eggs, psycho hatchet wielders waiting to strike, perverts, and so on? Hell, *WHY* feed into it? WtF?!
"Stratigraphically the origin of agriculture and thermonuclear destruction will appear essentially simultaneous" -- Lee
If you want to get your kids to study harder and do better in school, I have one word for you: Waterboarding. Hey, if you're going to get medieval on their butts, why stop with the ball-and-chain?
"My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right." --Senator Carl Schurz (1872)
How about when said child needs to quickly move in a life threatening situation (like a fire) and is slowed down or immobilized by this. What a crock.
-Xen
Would say quite honestly that its her job to make sure that the sprogs are doing their schoolwork.
The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made. (Marx)
This reminds me of Dr. Shay's alternative to Ritalin in South Park ep 403 ("Timmy 2000").
weinersmith
Clearly, men have no responsibility to raise their children. Wait, what?
What if they just take it?
Making them? You have a mind control laser or something?
So, what if they come out? You hit them with a full-on verse of "kum ba yaa"?
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
These are the people commonly referred to as Engineers.
If you post it, they will read.
I hope it comes with a bedpan too.
mirrorshades radio -- darkwave, industrial, futurepop, ebm.
Now you no longer need a playpen!
Also good for wives, girlfriends, grandparents, and inviting your employer on a trip to the beach. Has endless possible uses!
You raise the critical point there: "spanking" vs. "beating." As I've written on these very pages before, a spanking--which is what I occasionally got--is primarily a correction ritual. The pain is instantaneous and fades in a few minutes. It lets you know Mom and Dad are serious about this one.
The effectiveness is completely destroyed if it's employed all the time. It becomes normal, and fosters resentment of the parents. And I'm not even going to comment on actual beatings, which I remember friends in grade school talking about--things that leave marks, slaps on the face or head, hitting with implements... Sorry, that is child abuse, and yes, those kids all grew up to be fucked up.
It's all about the kind of world model you give your kids. Being rational and consistent with the discipline of your kids, leaving some kind of physical punishment only for the worst or most dangerous infractions, sets up a world model that is very close to that of the adult world--there are a lot of negative consequences that you don't want for behaving incorrectly, and if you behave really incorrectly, you will really, really regret it.
The world model set up by parents who fly off the handle and beat children, out of anger, and as a normal course of events is this: You are at the mercy of capricious and unjust forces who will smite you whenever they feel like it. This either makes kids pull into themselves and try to avoid doing anything that might result in a beating, or it makes them say "fuck it" and do whatever occurs to them because it won't alter the consequences one bit. The latter is especially difficult when they get into the real world where punishments are ramped. Getting a drunk driving ticket sucks, yeah, but it's better than getting beaten, and who cares anyway. The lower-level punishments, which seem really bad and dire to someone who has a correct world model in their head, mean nothing to someone who is used to being hit all the time.
This is, I think, the problem with any of these discussions. What is the operational definition of corporal punishment? Just like the parent, I barely even remember being spanked, but things my parents have said have had a much, much worse impact on me that the silly little spankings ever did.
It is a gag gift the inventor thought of making. The slashdot article doesn't do the actual article justice.
Eat Your Spinach Guillotines.
You have thirty seconds to finish your serving of spinach before the guillotine drops.
Richard Steven Hack - This sig is TOO GODDAMN SHORT TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH! MORONS!
"Sir, are you certain this method works?"
"On intellectuals, I find this is much more effective and MUCH quicker."
"And if he should turn out not to be an intellectual?"
"Then we try a little physical culture."
There was a SIGNATURE here, but it's gone now.
Good timing on this article. I'm supposed to be studying for finals and here I am reading and writing on slashdot. I don't think this device would help me out now.
I can relate to losing lots of study time to getting up for something trivial. A light snack when I wasn't even really hungry, a quick post to slashdot, I just wanted a diversion. It takes a good chunk of time to get back to where I was at in studying. Avoiding these delays would indeed give me more free time after, perhaps to cook a nice meal.
Better than a ball and chain is having a study buddy who can help you through problems and help you understand the material better by helping them out. And importantly, keeping the focus on the work.
Evil
Pure Evil
Glad I'm not your kid.
Though after the first few times they probably get used to it and start making crap sculptures that you can sell on ebay...
I can't wrap my mind around the idea that someone thought this had the slightliest chance to work. The first thing i thought when i saw this was "do they really believe teenagers wont be able to lift a whole 21 pounds ball??" Useless...
When my Karma level reaches 0 I feel in piece with the Universe
Trying to revise. It's not getting up to go to the fridge that's the problem. It's going to redtube.com instead of mylearningfaculty.edu
"sudo rm -rf your-face"
remotes, cell phones, the internet, game consoles with wireless controllers, hand held games
I could always get my home work done at school, between classes, lunch time, during "skate" classes that didn't give home work, etc.
Besides, I had and still have an aversion to "home work". I had things to do and people to see when I was at home.
As far as I am concerned, school work should be just that, work you do at school.
Home work, IMHO, is just a sly way of getting people used to the idea that their work (when they get to working age) is something you can never escape, you have to bring it (or some of it) home to do, etc.
Which, with my 30 years in the working world now, I have had to do only twice. I have always been able to get my work done (and more) at work.
Kids have lives, just like other people, home work should be banned for the good of society.
I can guarantee that if you strap your kid with that, all his energies during that time will be entirely focused on how to get rid of it. And it's going to be fun for him!
If someone sees that corporal punishment helped in their life, of course it logically follows that they would do the same to their children to help them the same. Those who see this undesirable are the outsiders who do not receive corporal punishment and thus do not enjoy the benefits of it.
How did corporal punishment start in a family? Possibly at one point, a parent became frustrated with his own problems and wanted his children to live a different life. Such person might not know a better way to discipline except by physical means. If you know a better way to discipline, feel free to use it. However, it is no denying that discipline will lead to success and a better life. Telling a parent that he is not allowed to discipline his children is just plain arrogant. Enforcing that systematically, you get a civilization of sloths, which is what America is becoming to.
I once had a signature.
I wonder if my school can get a grant for these.
Wait a minute... eating is a waste of time? So why are people complaining about other people not getting enough to eat?