Slashdot Mirror
Oracle's Ellison Accused of Running Executive Fighting Ring
Mr. Shotgun writes "SEC
investigators
Jedi
Vulcans
Cylons
claim to have broken up an underground fighting ring in which participants
beat each other bloody
dueled with lightsabers
battled in mind melds
nuked Caprica
. To add insult to injury, the victors then brokered business deals that skirted US securities law and deprived the losers of valuable
stock options
midichlorians
katras
skinjobs
. The mastermind behind the Silicon Valley fight club is alleged to be eccentric billionaire and Oracle CEO
Larry Ellison
Mace Windu
Sarek, son of Skon
GE toaster
."
I would so pay to watch Silicon Valley geeks kick each others' asses. They could easily get their own network.
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I am the lord of turd posts.
Launched in 1996, technology-related news web site Slashdot has been sloshing around the Intertubes for almost 17 years, attracting a wide share of geeks and their mothers when they walk into the basement and glance at the screen. But, as this paragraph shows, summaries have been rife with trivial factual, spelling and grammatical errors. After a three month consultation with users completed by impartial research group IDG, Slashdot's parent company have decided to take the giant leap of employing a single, full-time proofreader for all article submissions. This proofreader, who will start his work about 10 minutes from now, will be charged with ensuring that every T is dotted and every I crossed. Apostrophe's will be correctly placed, giving a better reader experience then ever before. UNIX and MAC users will be united in common enjoyment of queen's American English. The proofreader will also be responsible for dupe and repetition control. Which begs the question: how can we make Slashdot aeven better?
You DON'T talk about Oracle!
The first rule of Ellison's Fight Club is you don't talk about Ellison's Fight Club.
Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
I would love to see that happen. Tech 'gurus' against cartoon channel execs.
Excuse me while I mine +1 insightful mods by complaining about how much this site sucks on April Fools each year.
So...the /. eds are finally reading "Ambient" by Jack Womack?
The only surefire protection against Microsoft infections is abstinence. - The Onion
I agree. And when's this new Pony-based look & feel ever going to be finished. I've been waiting bloody years!
OMG!!! Ponies!!!
An underground fight club is the sort of thing that Broadcom's Henry Nicholas would have been a much more plausible pick for.
Sure, you barely count as a CEO these days if you don't have the SEC on your back; but not everyone mixes wild parties, hard drugs, doping clients, and building a secret sex dungeon under his house while his wife is on vacation, with run of the mill options backdating...
Slashdot tries to turn April's Fool into Torture-Your-Readers day. Oh God. Make it stop!
Okay... I am officially annoyed by Slashdot and all the April Fools articles.
Lighten up. I happen to enjoy reading these articles. If you don't like them why don't you just come back tomorrow?
Oracle has been hiring oveseas!
Why buy Oracle when you can get direct! Buy Indian!! Oracle, like IBM, just re-packages Indian Software as their own.
Buy Indian, cut out the fat cat American businessman! SAVE $$$$$!
Finally, an April Fools day story that I honestly had to think twice about.
my favorite fake slashdot story all day
intellectual property law is philosophically incoherent. it is your moral duty to ignore it or sabotage it
I would love to see that happen. Tech 'gurus' against cartoon channel execs.
Wet noodles at 10 paces.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Why not make mods, all, add the absolute value of points, so modding down moves even the rotten up? They should all be for fun and not count anyway.
A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
Than, then, whatever ...
Sorry, I tried to tag the submission AprilFools when I submitted it so people could feel free to ignore the article. Yet for some reason the tag was gone when it made the main page.
I know not everyone enjoys the silliness that is April Fools and realize it must be exhausting to be inundated with mile after mile of random nonsense. Yet I got a bit of a chuckle out of this nonsense story, imagining Ellison as a back ally bookie. So I figured I would share it with others. Sorry it ruined your whole day, but it's almost over.
Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the (supposed) good of its victims may be the most oppressive
previous math discardead; 1+1 extrapolated (Score:mynutswon; no such thing as one too many here)
deepends on how you interpret it. georgia stone freemason holycoster royals' 'math'; the .5 billion, then
variables & totals are objective oriented; oranges: 1+1= not enough,
somebody's gotta die. people; 1+1=2, until you get to
1+1=2 too many, or, unless, & this is what always happens, they breed
uncontrolled, naturally (like monkeys), then, 1+1=could easily result in
millions of non-approved, hoardsplitting spawn. see the dilemma? can
'math', or man'kind' stand even one more League of Smelly Infants being
born?
I agree. Slashdot's April Fools tradition gets a bit old. This one falls apart badly too, it could have been so much better without the sci-fi references.
Lighten up. I happen to enjoy reading these articles. If you don't like them why don't you just come back tomorrow?
Because if he wasn't wasting time on Slashdot, he might actually have to do real work.
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/multimedia/2006/05/fightclub, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13037439/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/, http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2006-05-29-fight-club_x.htm.
First he bought the Indian Wells master 1000 (go federer today against nadal! in the sony ericcson), then the Fight cLub, this men is a cool guy.
I want to be your friend Larry, and some of your money too
JM Jones, Argentina
my favorite fake slashdot story all day
The downside is you'll have to wait for more fake slashdot stories until April 2.
don't talk to the SEC about Geek Fight Club.
Hello?
the first trigger of ELLISONS_FIGHT_CLUB is:
SELECT nothing INTO ELLISONS_FIGHT_CLUB.TALK FROM discussion WHERE TALK is NULL;
Everybody is. But he's not a CEO.
That's the catch.
Whereas I'm sick of people bitching about every single fucking April Fool's Day story. You don't like them, we get it already. It's one day. Log off. Go outside.
Science is all about firing a drunk pig out of a cannon just to see what happens.
They ran out of Sun employees who were used for bear baiting.
Tisha Hayes
I would have given anything to get into a steel cage with any of Oracle's upper management, winner takes over the organisation. It would be a healthy outlet for all the anger their idiotic edicts generate, and would probably result in more successful companies as well. The "promotion goes to the best brawler" system would be at least as effective as the current system in which promotions go to the biggest brownnosers and/or least threatening. This story should be real!
My money is on Larry. Go Iron Man Go!
-kgg