CDC Warns of Zombie Apocalypse

scotbuff writes "The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have written an article about preparing for a zombie apocalypse on their blog. The CDC knows that a zombie apocalypse is no joke. 'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.'"

Comments

Damage Control

[xMrFishx]

... patient management and [...] infection control

So, that's the bit with the guns and the fire, right?

Re:Damage Control

[betterunixthanunix]

A while ago, I remember seeing an article that explained why a zombie apocalypse would never happen. The point that probably made the most sense is this: America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country. Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

Re:Damage Control

[gnick]

Good point, but what if the apocalypse isn't in the US? Or (more frightening), what if the zombies are still sophisticated enough to use guns and decide that's the most direct route to delicious BRRRAAAIIIIIINNNS?

Re:Damage Control

[Riceballsan]

Still a number of other issues with zombies, first off if the actual host bodies are indeed rotting etc as they are usually depicted then that would be an issue, also if zombies used guns then they would render the victims unable to become zombies themselves. In which case then it would be the equivalent of a normal gang of people to take down. 100 or less people would not rival a nation.

Re:Damage Control

[gman003]

The article was this Cracked article ("7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly)"), specifically page 7 ("Weapons and the People Who Use Them").

Re:Damage Control

[slackzilly]

What if zombies are controlled by a parasite?
They eat the brain and transfer a parasite at the same time. So they need live BRRRAAIIIIIIIINNS :)

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

A while ago, I remember seeing an article that explained why a zombie apocalypse would never happen. The point that probably made the most sense is this: America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country. Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

I don't think the math really supports that conclusion. I would expect the zombie population to grow exponentially. For example, even if each zombie on average infects 2 people per day, Their growth rate is going to increase really quickly. In this case, around 2^D, where D is the number of days.

A zombie hunter, on the other hand, can only kill N zombies/day, where N is some constant. So, zombie deaths will be around HDN, where D is the number of days, H is the number of hunters.

So, for hunters to kill all the zombies, they better do so really quickly before 2^D > HDN. If the zombies can infect more like 5 humans a day, then it is even worse.

Anyway, so we can expect the number of zombies to grow exponentially, whereas the number of zombie deaths will grow linearly.

Re:Damage Control

[slackzilly]

^^ More correctly, they need the host to be alive.

Re:Damage Control

[citylivin]

"hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country"

You think zombies are like a deer shot from a helicopter with an AK? please.. a zombie war would be all close quarters combat, multiple targets, all actively hunting you as well. If you were able to reload in time to kill the waves upon waves of humans coming at you, you would have to go for mostly headshots. Another concern which hunters do not have.

American hunters are the exact opposite of what it would take to defeat a zombie infestation. For instance, you will not be chugging beer in your quads while you pick off some defenceless non intelligent prey. Its almost the exact opposite of the skills you would need. Knowing how to aim long distance and keep quiet are great for bison or whatever, but zombies? Whole different ballgame.

In most zombie lore, they overcome you with sheer numbers. Animals tend to run the other way when they get shot. Zombies would most likely run right at you begging for more.

Most likely the victors would be like the movie cliches - twitch arcade gamers, or people that know how to run and hide. When i picture an "american hunter" i picture a middle aged overweight guy in flannel. Not exactly the most swift or agile type of human out there.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Uh, I know the article you speak of and it was idiotic. BTW, we have 1000s of deer and various other animals starve to death every year in several states and a large amount of predator repopulation. Less than 5% of the nation hunt and it is becoming a serious problem for the animals getting diseased and our safety (as coyotes like the taste of cats, etc).. Half-dead sick animals are the zombies we need to worry about.

Re:Damage Control

[DavidTC]

Zombie apocalypses don't make much sense at all, unless zombieism (zombiism?) has a very long incubation period.

Why? Because zombies are horribly bad carriers of disease.

Think about what would actually happen. Let's assume some sort of worse case scenario, where zombies managed to overrun a small town or something. Let's say 100 people somehow get infected before people notice, which incidentally is incredibly high. Zombies are not subtle, and surely one of them would attack someone in sight of another person who could flee.

The word will get out, and at that point it's trivial to stop them from spreading, because zombies are very easy to identify. We'd put up quarantines, and only let the non-undead through.

Yes, some zombies would slip through, and, yes, they'd infect others, but once anyone actually knew what was happening, it would be common to start greeting people in the distance, 'I'm not a zombie!' 'Me neither!' 'Okay then, come over!'. I can even imagine people come up with some complicated hand waving that zombies don't do, depending on the rules. (Some have a rule that zombies remember stuff they did a lot in life, like open doors, so hand-waving may not work.)

But seriously, think about it. Zombieism is a great metaphor for a very contagious disease. But it's a rather sucky actual disease within the rules laid out for it. Actual diseases spread because people do not know they are infected, and neither do other people, and go about their business.

Zombies are obviously infected, and, what's more, don't drive from town to town or visit places by air or anything. Set up a fence already.

This is why all zombie fiction either starts with the zombies inexplicably already deeply entrenched, or is limited to a small area and over a small span of time, in a place where people are somehow greatly outnumbered by zombies, or have a cause of zombieism that effects a lot of people at once.

This is because it's nearly impossible to explain the actual spread of them across a large area in any reasonable way. I don't even mean 'the spread unchecked by man', although that would hinder them...but zombies are pretty shitty carriers of disease even when no one's against them.

Humans have cars, and will quickly leave zombie infested areas, while the zombies go after them. (Even 'fast zombies' can't beat a car.)

The only way a zombie apocalypse plausibly works is if something beside humans also carries it. Like birds or something.

Re:Damage Control

[betterunixthanunix]

Good point, but what if the apocalypse isn't in the US?

Where else then? Canada? Canadians are avid hunters too, and they have lots of guns in their rural areas. Mexico, South America? Do you think drug lords would have a problem killing zombies, or that the governments fighting those drug lords would not be up to the task?

Maybe the Europeans would have some problems, but even they have military forces that could probably take on the Zombies. In the worst case, they could call on their allies (like the USA) to send in some troops. I bet the US army would make short work of zombies, considering that the rules of engagement are (according to Zombie movies) effectively nil.

what if the zombies are still sophisticated enough to use guns

Then we have something of a problem, but zombies are generally unintelligent so I am not too worried.

Re:Damage Control

[gnick]

Only if the zombification effect was spread only through direct physical contact. If the zombies are initially zombified by some avian flu-type-virus or an especially nasty water infection, we could easily see the vast majority of the population competing for a taste of the non-infected brains. In a situation this serious, you really have to account for all possible scenarios.

Re:Damage Control

[interkin3tic]

Plus every zombie movie I've ever seen (except Shaun of the Dead) the living were fucked over by one fact: they didn't seem to know what zombies were.

"Oh Jimmy! I thought you were dead! You got hurt though and kind of have an odd vacant expression, let me give you A BIG HUG... OW! Why are you biting me, drooling, and grunting?!? No! Stop! Jimmy, I don't understand! Are you hungry? Oh good, a big crowd of people just showed up to help me.... OH GOD WHY ARE THEY BITING ME TOO?!?! THIS MAKES NO SENSE!!!"

Maybe some people who are so sheltered they've never seen a zombie movie would make that rookie mistake, but the rest of us will be all

"I'm sorry grandma... well sorry you're dead anyway, but no use crying over spilled milk and I've ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS WITH A CHAINSAW!!!"

Re:Damage Control

[Mindcontrolled]

That strongly depends on the parameters of the zombie outbreak. Check this for a full mathematical treatise of zombie epidemiology. Under certain boundary conditions, no hunting skill will save you. Besides, as someone else already stated, hunting does not particularly give you the close quarter skills you gonna need...

Re:Damage Control

[Tom]

Maybe some people who are so sheltered they've never seen a zombie movie would make that rookie mistake, but the rest of us will be all

Assuming, of course, that zombies would actually look and/or act like in the movies. Now, how close to real life are movies in anything that's not day-to-day stuff? Say, computer operating systems, capabilities of military weapons, advanced science, codebreaking, ancient history - you name it.

A real-life zombie apocalypse would very likely look nothing like the movies.

Re:Damage Control

[hedwards]

Canada has even more guns than we do, and Mexico, well, let's just say that folks have a hard time keeping their heads down there. So, really, North America is safe, so long as zombies can't figure out how to fly airplanes or operate ships.

Re:Damage Control

[gnick]

In the worst case, they could call on their allies (like the USA) to send in some troops. I bet the US army would make short work of zombies, considering that the rules of engagement are (according to Zombie movies) effectively nil.

More likely, I think that if you phoned up most countries and said that there was a terrible disease that had wiped out most of the population and was continuing to spread, they'd be more likely to take a scorched earth approach rather than send people in that they need to bring back. At least that's what my plan would be after the coup when I'm dictator.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

The only problem with that line of reasoning is that wildlife is generally shy/scared of human/population centres. In addition, Wild Bear isn't something that you will catch by being bitten by one. It's a bit different to between going hunting, stopping, going back home, going hunting again next week again, than having people running in the street not scared of shit and if they get even the smallest bite and you one of them.

This isn't even taking into consideration that just the initial hysteria and fear will wreak havoc with society. Think what the anthrax/avian flu/pig flu/etc... scares did and how people overreacted to those.

Re:Damage Control

[interkin3tic]

A real-life zombie apocalypse would very likely look nothing like the movies.

You mean they won't be shambling, mindless creatures bent on eating your brains? Wow, those would definitely be the most dangerous zombies of all. You can't tell them apart from normal people!

Hmm... Better be safe.

[Fires up chainsaw and starts driving to grandma's house]

Re:Damage Control

[rvw14]

"When i picture an "american hunter" i picture a middle aged overweight guy in flannel. Not exactly the most swift or agile type of human out there.

Rule #1: Cardio

Re:Damage Control

[Tom]

Where else then? Canada?

You must be from the US, nobody else on the planet thinks that simple-minded.

There are large stretches of Africa that are so busy with civil war and other issues that it would be days before an outbreak is even noticed, and something like two or three weeks before it's internationally reported. With zombie numbers growing exponentially, by the time some kind of outside military arrives, you'd already have a local Resident Evil scenario.

There are areas in Asia that are remote and close to inaccessible. Afghanistan mountains, jungles in Cambodia, northern India, western China, stuff like that. Similar scenario here, with the zombies potentially being able to overrun initial troop deployments because you simply can't airlift them in quickly enough.

And in both these continents, there are massive cities not far from mountains or jungles.

Re:Damage Control

[PsychoKiller]

If you like zombie movies, you need to check out Fido.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Personally, I worry that we might be too effective at killing zombies. Pop culture has conditioned us to have certain notions and strategies. Should rabies, CJD, or whatever actually became a pandemic, how many would die from people treating it like a video game? The infected may not be incurable, and not everyone would be affected the same way (i.e. becoming violent). How guilty would you feel if you kill hundreds of "zombies" only for a cure to be delivered the next week?

Re:Damage Control

[Lehk228]

humans are stupid and extremely selfish. people who are bit will flee with the rest because they will think maybe they won't become infected

if the initial outbreak is contained to a small rural area there won't be much of a problem, if patient 0 is a homeless guy in new york city, or a young woman in mexico city, or a teenage boy in tokyo the millions of fleeing people will have some infected with them

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

You've neglected to take zombie HUNTERS into account! Slow zombies make excellent snipers, given they don't have heartbeats to throw them off when aiming.

Re:Damage Control

[arb phd slp]

When i picture an "american hunter" i picture a middle aged overweight guy in flannel. Not exactly the most swift or agile type of human out there.

I don't know how many hunters you actually know, but all the ones I know could probably make it out there. Flannel: definitely. Overweight: a little, some of them. Not swift or agile: WTF? The hunters I know don't spend their days sitting in an office chair typing code all day; they carry heavy shit up scaffolding onto roofs, or lug spools of cable into basements and pull it through walls all day, or walk with surveying gear for miles every single day. Physically, they're all in good shape.

If there were a zombie infestation, their biggest liability would be lack of sufficient imagination because, unlike a lot of us Slashdotters, they never liked sci-fi even as kids and stopped playing pretend a long time ago.

Re:Damage Control

[Rasperin]

All of your examples are regional, regions can be massacred if need be. Also, who the fuck cares about Africa? As you said, they are stuck in a perpetual civil war. They live to kill themselves, I have pity for africans who don't want to be there and believe we should open up refugee centers for them. But Africa as a whole goes down with the middle east in my book. If you can't play nice with the other children then don't play at all.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Time to make that Scream 5, zombie style, covering every zombie movie ever made. After the first performance on the test audience the movie hard drive is found on the remains of the burned theater, bite marks all over the medium and the burned remains of the theater manger with an angry skeletonized senior citizen with his thumb stuck to his own eye socket all the way to the end of proximal phalanx and the other hand griping around the c4 of the theater manager's cervical vertebra.

Re:Damage Control

[peragrin]

Except wildlife populations are exploding in the USA because the number of hunters goes down every year.

Each year there is less and less places that can be legally hunted. So the population of hunters goes down a couple of percentage points every year.

In NYS 15 years ago you basically had to be lucky to get a single doe tag. now just about every hunter gets one doe and a couple of buck tags because the population of deer have gone up and hunters have gone down.

Of course us none hunters still have our shotguns.(MY .470 shotgun is perfect for rapid fire anti zombie defense, being a small gauge means I can fire quickly without losing aim due to recoil. )

Re:Damage Control

[gandhi_2]

zombies are still sophisticated enough to use guns

This idea is so completely absurd as to not warrant any further consideration.

The rest of this conversation, however, is perfectly legit.

Re:Damage Control

[peragrin]

That's just it Remote and close to inaccessible. Both of those create decent barriers for stopping or slowing down the transmission enough that while those cities would be gone, a scorched earth policy would limit the damage to those regions.

Africa is the same way. sure you might lose millions, but those millions of zombies won't be going anywhere either.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Private gun ownership isn't evenly distributed, though. Hunters tend to live in places near where they can hunt, which tend to not be cities. But a zombie outbreak would probably be in the more densely populated areas. So maybe the countryside - with a high ratio of hunters to zombies - would have a high human survival rate, but the cities (and most of the population is in the cities and suburbs) would have trouble. Further, it's not normal deer hunter behavior to head off to liberate the cities from zombies, is it? Hunters have a pretty large overlap with survivalists, and I'd think they would instead be hunkering down somewhere safe to ride out the disaster.

On top of that, I thought most zombie movies started out with a pre-zombie disease-like phase? Something that spreads like the common cold, and its victims then become zombies. Only after you have actual zombies do you get bite victims turning into more zombies. The long term survivors in those scenarios have to not only be bitten, but also fight off (or be immune to) the cold-like infection vector. Hunters are no more likely to be immune than anyone else.

If the only infection vector is zombie bites, then there has to be a Case Zero somewhere, and the outbreak is unlikely to spread very far to begin with. (Quarantines go in quickly, and without a long non-obvious incubation period it can't play international airport hopscotch the way a flu can).

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Zombie apocalypse - yet another good reason for your country's liberal gun laws.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

So you think even 100 million people with guns could handle zombies being created at a geometric rate? I serious doubt it. Humans wouldn't survive more than a few days!

Re:Damage Control

[aardwolf64]

There's a big difference... if a deer bites you, you don't turn into a deer.

Re:Damage Control

[krakass]

Do you have any numbers to back this up? I did a quick search and from what I found Canada, on the high end has 11 million vs the US 223 million.

Re:Damage Control

[chuckugly]

The fact you don't realize your .410 is not a .470 makes me think you might not be an expert in using small arms. Just a hunch.

Re:Damage Control

[peragrin]

that or I missed typed it.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

So avoiding a zombie apocalypse is official NRA propaganda now?

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

I think that was an article at cracked.com

Re:Damage Control

[Sloppy]

Get your reason out of my fantasy!

Re:Damage Control

[memnock]

Do zombies want to make more zombies? I thought they were satisfying a feeding urge and not a reproductive urge? Honestly, I don't keep up with zombie crap, so I don't know what the raison d'etre (how do you say "not to live" in French?") of zombies is? What do zombies hope to accomplish by turning everyone else into undead? They're no long able to reproduce, sexually, are they? Do they intend to remake society into something else? Of course, if they were doing it just for the feeding, I guess they'd just keep eating a victim, and that would curtail further zombiefication. Like I said, I don't know what all this crud is about.

Re:Damage Control

[Culture20]

once anyone actually knew what was happening, it would be common to start greeting people in the distance, 'I'm not a zombie!' 'Me neither!' 'Okay then, come over!'.

"Um nuh uh zummy! braains..."
"Muh nuffer! braains..."
"Uh Kuh, cuhm uhvuh! Huh! Yu Luhd! Yu zummy! Yur brains tust uhful!"

Re:Damage Control

[anonymov]

Ooooh, airborne infection with long incubation period would be great.

And if there were a percent of passive carriers that would be even better.

And then the president of Madagascar shuts down the port and ruins a perfect zombie apocalypse :(

Re:Damage Control

[Unkyjar]

Just wanted to point out that Night of the Living Dead didn't need any carriers of disease. Any and every dead corpse on the planet started rising.

Re:Damage Control

[khr]

America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country.

But one key difference is that most of the hunters aren't experienced at shooting things that are attacking and fighting back. Most shoot wildlife that's either oblivious to their presence or running away.

Re:Damage Control

[Macrat]

Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

There's also the fact that most hunters are just waiting for any excuse to shoot their neighbors anyway.

Re:Damage Control

[Demolition]

He's referring to per capita gun ownership. There are parts of Canada where gun ownership is many times higher than in other parts of the continent.

Re:Damage Control

[onepoint]

yep, a death zone, complete scorched earth policy would be most effective, but the problem is when you want to retake a zone afterwards. prevention of the infection is key, because if it crosses the zone, you need to create a new one and kill everyone in the other zones.

SO yes, a mote might work until it fills up, scorched earth on a consistent policy moving forward and containment is most likely the right policy.

yep, I'm ready, I'm in a small island on a bay, with only 2 bridges. get those removed and I can isolate my location decently safely. Question, do zombies swim ?

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Thank you for bringing your politics into this conversation about zombies.

Re:Damage Control

[mjwx]

The point that probably made the most sense is this: America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective

So America is doomed.

The biggest problem with that idea, even if it were true (been shooting with a lot of yanks, good fun but they cant hit a barn door) is identifying zombies before there are so many infected that a group of disorganised gunmen become ineffective against the horde (20 Z's in one place will do).

Secondly, a deer or bear is an animal that is larger then a human with many vulnerable spots. The reason there is a lot of activism against hunting is because a lot of hunters wound animals and then the animal die of its wounds. Whilst effective against a bear or Kangaroo, its completely ineffective against the Zed's because they don't bleed out, they don't have a working heart, lungs et al. They have one very small vulnerable spot (the brain). Worse yet, they wont run away when shot.

Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

that's backwards, America wont last a few weeks against a Zombie infection because of it's inability to organise in a disaster situation.

A zombie infection is more akin to a natural disaster like a flood or fire then it is to a hunt. Given the lack of organisation to natural disasters in the States in recent years, well, maybe the CDC is better then FEMA at this.

Re:Damage Control

[Salgak1]

There's also the fact that most hunters are just waiting for any excuse to shoot their neighbors anyway.

Cast Aspersions much ?? Care to cite any examples ?? I CAN say that we hunters routinely feed the homeless and destitute by often giving some of the meat to rescue missions and homeless shelters. I'd be FAR more concerned about the gang-bangers in the next neighborhood than the local hunters. . . . .

Re:Damage Control

[tnk1]

I have seen an informational video (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Land_of_the_Dead) where indeed, zombies who are given adequate reason can cross water. Being dead means that they can't drown, so their most difficult issue will be actually locomotion across the water. Some will be wearing enough rotted clothing or boots that they will be dragged down, which will simply mean that they walk on the seabed towards their goal. Even with strong currents, as long as they end up somewhere on your side, it's all over.

Either way, water is probably not going to save you in the long run unless you are in the middle of the ocean where zombies walking on the seabed would be crushed by the pressure that far down. Even then, you might end up with a little bit of special driftwood if zombies end up in the water, get caught in ocean currents and wash up on your doorstep weeks or even months later. Failure to be exposed to the threat for long periods of time can make you lax in your patrols and precautions, which can turn one unexpected undead into a deadly peril.

It's also much less safe against the alive, but possibly infected individuals who have the same idea as you do. They are much smarter, and likely are extremely motivated to do what it takes to get to your safe area. If they make it to your side, you will be exposed. Even killing the infected won't work, unless you are sure you got them in the head. They will just go from living infected to undead zombies otherwise.

Remember, it's about defense-in-depth. Water is a decent obstacle, but an unbelievably persistent opponent (like say, zombies) will not be stopped by it. Smooth, high walls or even high, well anchored fencing would be just as effective. Even then, you need active measures as well, to prevent them from simply mindlessly leaning on the fence until it collapses or crushing each other into a ramp of zombie bodies that they can walk up. The obstacles would be primarily a means to slow them and also prevent them from flanking your position and appearing where you least expect it. Stealth will also be a very important defense, not just against zombies, but against groups of living who are frankly the most dangerous threat you will experience until most of them have perished or found their own safe havens.

Re:Damage Control

[laxguy]

then we'll just plant some pretty flowers and wall nuts to prevent them from reaching the house!

Re:Damage Control

[tophermeyer]

There are large stretches of Africa that are so busy with civil war and other issues that it would be days before an outbreak is even noticed, and something like two or three weeks before it's internationally reported... There are areas in Asia that are remote and close to inaccessible. Afghanistan mountains, jungles in Cambodia, northern India, western China, stuff like that. Similar scenario here, with the zombies potentially being able to overrun initial troop deployments because you simply can't airlift them in quickly enough.

My zombie thought experiments have always brought me to the opposite conclusion. Considering how remote and sparsely populated many of those regions are, I would think they should be in a good position to survive a zombie outbreak. If a region is as inaccessible as you describe, they shouldn't receive more than a slow trickle of the shambling undead.

Especially Africa, considering the only thing they have more of than guns is a burning desire to kill outsiders, I think would handle such an outbreak really well. Much of the population is already surviving independently (though at subsistence levels). And most regions are so sparsely populated that unless the infection spread really rapidly (e.g. 28 Days Later) I think most villages would be able to organize to keep a constant watch and handle the small number of zombies they'll face at a time.

Re:Damage Control

[onepoint]

hmmm, you got to ask yourself, if this is the situation, and the CDC is publishing this stuff. is there any chance of this sort of stuff happening.

now people ask, what do I do, and here we are talking about it.

I figured my defense would work, and here I am wondering how to set up a long & tall wall and how many people will it take to create this defense....

well then, I've come to a conclusion. grab a nice big sail boat, sail south to brazil, wait out the hurricane season the sail back to the gulf and hang out till I find a simple nice island.

crap, I have to pass to outflow of the amazon, I would expect zombies on driftwood 200 miles out. hmmm

Re:Damage Control

[shutdown -p now]

One suggestion to the same effect in "zombie apocalypse" themed books by Andrey Kruz is that the virus itself does not make people zombies. They need to get infected and then die (or rather be hurt to the point where brain is still intact, but organism cannot support it), at which point the virus takes over the dead body. Thus, in his scenario, the virus spreads unnoticed for a few days first, and then dead start rising and attacking, causing panic and more deaths - by which time it's already too late to contain anything.

Re:Damage Control

[shutdown -p now]

A real-life zombie apocalypse would very likely look nothing like the movies.

What do you mean, "would"?

Re:Damage Control

[Wyatt Earp]

Canada does have alot of hunters and the Canadian Forces have a well deserved reputation in Afghanistan, Korea, WW2 and WW1 as being lead from the front while killing the enemy types. Rural Canada and the western provinces will be just fine.

Israel, South Africa, rural Brazil, Argentina, Mongolia, rural Russia, rural Pakistan, Iran and the Gulf states similarly will be good bets for survival.

Parts of Europe will be worse off than others, but with large US and local bases secured against terrorism and infiltration, those will be safe spots to fight off the zombies.

I could see the US bases in Okinawa and Korea being overrun because they are so close to giant urban centers, but in places like the UK, Italy, Holland, Greece, Poland, Germany, Iraq, and the 'Stans they would be well positioned to assist local governments.

Re:Damage Control

[Wyatt Earp]

Go for the Pacific, alot of isolated islands with low populations, no major rivers pushing zombies out to sea. Niger, Congo, Amazon, Mississippi, Plate come to mind for the Atlantic vs the Columbia and Yukon for all of the eastern Pacific.

Re:Damage Control

[BenSnyder]

Here's a link to the article. Once, again, Cracked to the rescue!

http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html

#7 They have too many natural predators
#6 They can't take the heat
#5 They can't handle the cold
#4 Biting is a terrible way to spread disease
#3 They can't heal from day to day damage
#2 The landscape is full of zombie-proof barriers
#1 Weapons and the people who use them

Also interesting, (and also from Cracked) "5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen"

Re:Damage Control

[Wyatt Earp]

North Africa, Arabian peninsula, Mongolia, Alaska, or the Yukon seem like good bets to me.

If you are in Europe and the zombie outbreak starts, go to Tunisia, Morocco, Libya or Algeria, easy to get to the deep desert, the population is Muslim so they have to give assistance to strangers, they have guns and will use them.

Egypt has too many people, the zombies will take over Cairo, Israel might be a good bet, but it's so urbanized in Tel Aviv an outbreak could kick in and take out the center of the country quickly. Jordan might be a good bet. Syria is on a road to the center of populated Iraq, too many people around.

When the zombies come, look for tribal religious people with a history of firearms, that's your best bet for survival, make, sure you have a skill to bring along.and can pick up a religion quickly, Islam is good for that because it's a quick conversion.

Re:Damage Control

[Ihmhi]

That's why movies like Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later could never take place in America, Switzerland, Finland, Israel, etc. - any country that has a large amount of firepower among its civilian populace. The movie would be over in about 15 minutes.

I know people who have WW2 era anti-tank rockets, for chrissake.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

Your premise assumes that people know they are infected - an incubation period where you are contagious without symptoms (contact conversion rather than biting or other evidence producing transmission method is required) would suffice to spread zombieism.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

You poor soul, you haven't read World War Z have you.

You're still in that Denial Phase or whatever. Next stop: The Great Panic.

Most sincerely,

Anonymous Coward

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

I saw that movie somewhat recently, and laughed out loud when the cause was revealed: radiation from a returning satellite.

Re:Damage Control

[Custard Horse]

I guess it depends upon which zombie film you deem to be 'most true to life'. I love zombie films but 'historcial accuracy' does not even feature in my judgment criteria.

It's odd that there are comments relating to the dwinding numbers of uninfected people which become an easier target for the every-growing mass of zombies. Physical geography would determine how far a contagion spreads. Notwithstanding this point, it is fair to say that zombies could not last forever in their zombie state without food.

In *films* they rarely, if ever, stop at a water fountain or stock up on bottles of evian (unless these scenes did not make the final cut) and we all know that the body can survive without food for longer than without water. Common sense would suggest that without a food source, zombies would die out in a few days as they always seem to be preoccupied with the quest for braiiinnns than a a soda ("hold the ice, I have sensitive teeth").

Still, listen to be trying to make sense of the subject...

Re:Damage Control

[Dan Dankleton]

Concerned? They're just taking pre-emptive action against the zombie apocalypse!

Re:Damage Control

[JosKarith]

"They're no long able to reproduce, sexually, are they?"
I really hope not... though in a lot of Zombie films zombies are seen to go on with actions that were familliar from life. That makes a zombie porn star a _really_ horrifying prospect.

Re:Damage Control

[Neil Boekend]

I'd be FAR more concerned about the gang-bangers in the next neighborhood than the local hunters. . . . .

If all members of the banging gang are consenting adults I have no problem with a gang bang (assuming it's not in my sight or hearing range and the "goo" isn't in places I use). Everybody has their hobbies.

Re:Damage Control

[cvtan]

Clearly you haven't seen the Honda Civic ad with the zombie owner driving his new Honda. He goes to a singles bar and to the driving range to practice golf. With these talents, the avenues for infection are greatly expanded.

Re:Damage Control

[mcvos]

We're talking Europe here, aren't we? They're pretty far from dictatorships (most countries at least), and I think many are more likely to try to cure the zombies before they're willing to send in the military with deadly force. Riot police with nonlethal weapons are another matter; our riot police is pretty good at beating up peaceful students, so they might be able to put a dent in some zombies. I doubt that will accomplish much, though.

When the zombie apocalypse comes, I'm afraid Europe is pretty fucked.

Re:Damage Control

[onepoint]

thank you, now to find my sailing craft. I wonder if the infection will cross over to food sources

Re:Damage Control

[onepoint]

so far I have come to the follow conclusion.

a) setting up your zombie defenses, you need lot's of room before they get near.
b) the further out defenses need to funnel them so that you have a higher chance of a head shot from far range.
c) a simple spike defense might work to slow them down at all distances, which later you can come back and administer head shots within closer range (safely).
d) find someone to do the clean up later.
e) your last line of defenses would be some sort of boat in which to escape off the land, that does not mean that they wont chase you, but it gives you room to reset a new level of defenses.

f) most humans have feeling for there families, so keep humans outside of your defenses for a few days as a quarantine.
g) kill quickly any zombies that have family within your zombie defense range, people are stupid and might try to use logic with a zombie brother or husband.
h) simple slowdown traps ( looped rope attached to a tree ) is the easiest traps to set to slow a zombie threat cumming towards your defenses. then later apply idea c

since zombies not only eat humans but also other living beings, be ready for dogs, cats, horses and any other domesticated live stock to be a zombie.

Re:Damage Control

[peragrin]

E and F should go together. your "home" should a be a boat anchored in water deep enough to prevent zombies from easily reaching it. A second boat that is easily cleaned is your quarantine area. All people that go on shore to forage for supplies must spend 24-48(variable based on how long the virus incubates for) hours in quarantine.

This gives you a safe home, a separate holding zone that is safe, plus land defenses to work with.

Also by dealing with water you can head to shore in a number of areas, and have your drop off point different from your pick up point.

Just remember to get diesel engines. harder to start when cold, but fuel for them will be around longer than regular gas.

Re:Damage Control

[LanMan04]

America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country.

That's probably because wildlife doesn't generally break through your windows en masse and then eat your brains.

Hunters hunt stuff that's NOT dangerous, at a distance. Imagine if there are a few tens of millions of black bears wandering the streets of America...

Re:Damage Control

[Nyder]

A while ago, I remember seeing an article that explained why a zombie apocalypse would never happen. The point that probably made the most sense is this: America has plenty of people with guns, and hunters in America are so effective that we need to pass laws to prevent them from killing off all the wildlife in the country. Zombies would not survive more than a few weeks against the kind of firepower that our hunters possess.

That wouldn't save the high populated areas.

Might make it so later people can rally, but most the population is most likely going to be killed/zombiefied.

Re:Damage Control

[onepoint]

diesel is fact, fuel stays good for a long while and can be treated if need be, and parts for diesels are common enough in most boat yards. Ok now I'm ready for those zombie's, come and eat me. Oh and if you want a safe location I'll be right here 27.245725,-78.342662 come in full light since any other time I just will shoot and think about it later.

Re:Damage Control

[Jesus_666]

Well, at least Germany has a lot of gun clubs so you can expect just about everything above a village to have several people who can handle guns. Admittedly, .28 cal. rounds aren't going to do much against a zombie but then you have hunters and rangers (yes, we have those too), not to mention policemen, all of which have access to more serious armaments.

Our big problem is that we have a high population density so any infestation would spread rapidly and would be hard to contain.


By the way, if you want a real challenge, play some UFO: Enemy Unknown and then figure out a plan to handle a Chryssalid infestation. For those who don't know the game: The rules are similar except that after a few minutes each zombie turns into an alien that can run at a sustained ~35 km/h (~22 mph, although other people have estimated much higher speeds, with up to 70 mph top speed), has an exoskeleton comparable to tank armor and is strong enough to peel open a tank in under five seconds. And, of course, turns humans into zombies if it gets within melee range. And did I mention that killing a zombie just causes them to hatch sooner? Have fun.

Bonus points for not using nukes.

Re:Damage Control

[DavidTC]

Even a few days don't work. Roughly 1 out of every 113 people die each year. That means one out of 41,000 each day. Let's say it takes five days to come back, and let's say the disease spreads amazingly fast and and a couple of towns are infected.

So each town maybe has one zombie wander into it every few days, and if they're five days old they clawed their way up through the dirt and are going to be obvious.

The problem with this scenario is that the victims of the zombies are not walking about. They're obviously laying there dead...and someone attacked them. So the police would look into it.

It might take a few days for people to figure out what exactly is going on, but it would happen, and the zombie would be killed. Like I said, zombies aren't subtle. (If we're talking subtle, it's really more a 'vampire apocalypse', not a zombie one.)

So we now have someone who was clearly undead. They're fricking rotted, and we just had a funeral for them last week! And they were running around attacking people.

Someone is going to say 'Holy shit, a zombie', especially if it's large scale situation, at which point everyone who helped bring the zombie in and got hurt has to fear for their lives. (If I understand these rules correctly, they are no danger, though.)

And someone is going to march over to the funeral home and stand watch over the people who, everyone now knows, were killed by zombies. At this point they discover all recently dead are missing, not just the zombie victims.

Someone would quickly leap to the conclusion that, hey, everyone's coming back from the dead, and all funerals would start including cremation or decapitation.

The only place where your scenario results in a number of zombies is a place where dead bodies could lay, undetected, long enough to turn into zombies, or a situation where a massive amount of people all die at once. Aka, it requires somewhere outside civilization. Once it actually hits civilization, 'everyone comes back' does worse than 'instant turn', simply because it has 'dead bodies that were attacked by zombies' laying around, instead of just 'missing people', which very incompetent police forces might not notice.

Sci fi writers like to invent scenarios and force people in them to behave in strange ways, which they justify with 'panic'.

In the actual world, if previous dead rotted people start attacking people, the problem wouldn't be that people run around like chickens with their head cut off, it's that everyone would say 'zombies' and some non-zombies would probably get killed also But they would also, near instantly, put guards on cemeteries and funeral homes. Or even giant fences around them.

With enough zombies, you do, indeed, have a total societal breakdown...but you can't actually get to that many zombies.

Re:Damage Control

[Jesus_666]

Of course Israel is Israel. They're really good at killing people they perceive to be a threat for their country. I'd imagine that the IDF would lock down the country rather quickly and just shoot anyone who attempts to cross the border. Onve the zombies get in things get more difficult but if the infestation spreads elsewhere and they have a lead time of a few days I'd assume that Israel would be safe until they run out of bullets.

Of course their version of "safe" means "they shoot you if you try to enter" so it would still be a bad place to run to.

Re:Damage Control

[DavidTC]

That's what I said. To spread diseases, you need a period of time in which people can unknowingly contact it. (And with zombiism, spread it without being incredibly obvious about it.)

This is why zombie movies always have someone who is bitten but covers it up, and then attacks everyone.

This works on a small scale, but it stupid on a large one, as that is exactly what quarantine is for.

And if there's a contact disease that kills people after a week or so, you don't even need zombies as a result...the world is fucked from that premise alone. (For reference, see the TV show Jeremiah, which had exactly that, except it only infected adults, and it killed almost every single one of them.)

I'm sure there are rules in which we can imagine an actual zombie outbreak getting larger, but at some point we've gotten away from the generally accepted concept of 'zombies'.

Re:Damage Control

[DavidTC]

Teaching a zombie to drive a car opens Honda to an astonishingly level of civil and even criminal liability.

Re:Damage Control

[shutdown -p now]

There were three catches in his scenario.

First, the initial breakout happens in Moscow. It being a major population and international traffic hub, it's quickly spread to several other big cities. Governments initially try to deal with the problem each on their own, which doesn't help.

Second, it's not just humans who get infected, but also animals. Indeed, animals pose a far greater problem in the books, especially rats (hard to see when one is getting at you, much less shoot).

Finally, (*spoiler*) it eventually turns out that the breakout in Moscow was deliberately engineered (to look like a lab accident... in fact, the lab itself was put there on purpose), while at the same time the virus is spread in several other major places, hence why it spread that fast. The whole thing turns out to be arranged by an extremely rich (owner of a large company) "hyper-survivalist" guy who builds his own little private castle in the wilderness and makes his private security into a little private army beforehand, pretty much just for the fun and thrill of it.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

You would be one of the first to go.

Killing wildlife is *much* easier than zombies. Killing a zombie requires trauma specifically to the head, not some lung shot of some animal that's just standing around. And if the zombies are anything like that in 28 Days Later, they move at top speed, making a head shot incredibly more difficult.

Re:Damage Control

[Anonymous Coward]

lol guns yes, FIRE...um probably not?? whats worse than a zombie chasing you?? A burning zombie chasing you...lol no thanks. just gimmie my guns lots of ammo, bows and LOTS of arrows and I will be good....oh yea a big concrete building with HIGH windows would be fantastic.

Re:Damage Control

[Cheeko]

The whole point to the CDC even mentioning this I believe was some recent research pointing out how a potential zombie apocalypse makes a great case study for any type of outbreak. Tweak a constraint here or there and you get some very interesting outbreak scenarios to study.

For instance, what if the infection vector changes, such that its airborne and emitted from rotting zombies? How do the infection rates change, how does this impact quarantine procedure, and on and on.

These are the sorts of things that the CDC needs to consider as a matter of course for ANY disease.

As for zombies specifically, I think the more important aspect of the mythos is how it relates to our society and our place within it. You could probably keep every aspect of the lore and simply change the infection criteria and you would suddenly have something very plausible. (microbe in the water? asymptomatic pest carrier? airborne or multiple infection vectors? extended incubation time, these are all minimal mutations to the lore)

Re:Damage Control

[CTU]

Even if that was true, it is better to have a plan then not to be ready in case the undead start to walk the earth.

Re:Damage Control

[Tom]

Considering how remote and sparsely populated many of those regions are

Errr...

population density

Sure there are valleys with almost no population. But they aren't very far from some of the densest populated areas on earth.

Re:Damage Control

[Tom]

Also, who the fuck cares about Africa?

1.03 billion africans, for a start. That's 3.35 of them for everyone in the USA. They could form a bridge across the entire atlantic ocean from bodies and still have enough left to give every xenophobic american his own personal zombie attacker.

Re:Damage Control

[DavidTC]

If you want to do something like that, check out 'I am Legend', which has an airborne disease turn the entire planet into 'vampires', except the protagonist, who is immune to it due to being bit by a vampire bat previously.

They are called 'vampires', but the 'dead' ones just appear to be somewhat smart zombies, although with vampire weaknesses.

Living ones are completely sentient normal vampires, which is the eventual origin of the book's title.

Don't confuse this with any of the movies, which tack on a happy ending. (Technically, the book has a happy ending too, but it's not really the happy ending you expect. Let's just say all the monsters end up dead, and everyone gets on with their lives rebuilding society.)

Re:Damage Control

[DavidTC]

Yes, animals (Or just mammals.) getting infected would pretty much screw us by itself.

Dead people are noticed, dead animals, not so much.

Re:Damage Control

[AK Marc]

I haven't kept up on the gun numbers to population, but in the US, last I looked, the number of guns exceeded the number of people. That's right, the "average" American owns (or owned) more than one gun. Though in reality, the median number of guns owned by Americans is zero. But of those who own guns, they usually own more than one.

For most European countries, the average number of guns per person is well below zero.

Re:Damage Control

[Jesus_666]

I think you mean "well below one". Having less than zero guns per person would require a negative number of guns in the country.

Still, even though most people don't have access to guns, there are a good number of people who do. Also, it's not like ranged weapons are the only means of defense against zombies (although they are greatly preferred, of course). An ax or even just a shovel can be an effective if risky means of defense. Granted, those are more common in rural areas where people actually have gardens but we have a lot of those.

I still say that the bigger problem is that it's never far to the next town so the zombies could spread rather far before anyone has time to coordinate a reaction.

Well...

[creat3d]

I, for one, welcome our quarantined overlords!

Re:Well...

[Noitatsidem]

I, for one, welcome this late April fools joke! It is a joke ri- Nevermind. Also, I've been wondering how to protect myself against vampires, and Edward Cullen fangirls, will they publish this as well?

Re:Well...

[pjt33]

I don't know whether garlic would really work on vampires, but it should be effective against fangirls.

Re:Well...

[hedwards]

I'm guessing the label covering the "Zombie mutation virus" label fell off on that bottle the DoD had them storing.

Slow Day for the CDC

[Anonymous Coward]

I guess they have all those other pesky diseases all taken care of.

Only certain coutries affected

[Teun]

When I understand various Hollywood products correctly this would only affect the US and maybe Transylvania.

Re:Only certain coutries affected

[gnick]

According to 28 Days Later, Doghouse, and others, I think the UK may be in trouble too. Transylvania has other issues to deal with.

Re:Only certain coutries affected

[somersault]

Don't forget Nightwatch/Daywatch (Russia?) and Dead Snow (Sweden or Norway) ;)

Re:Only certain coutries affected

[gnick]

Nightwatch/Daywatch are wonderful, but I don't know if I'd qualify them as zombie movies. There were some vampire type characters and various super-hero/villain characters, but not hordes of flesh-eating mindless killing machines - So based on the limited data I have right now I think the Russians are OK. You're right though - Norway not only has to deal with zombies, but Nazi zombies!

Re:Only certain coutries affected

[somersault]

Damn, been ages since I watched them. I guess vampires are just classy zombies anyway.

Re:Only certain coutries affected

[Archangel Michael]

Resident Evil films clearly show zombies infection being world wide.

Re:Only certain coutries affected

[Anonymous Coward]

Norway for Dod Sno, Sweden is androgynous little boy vampires that eat people fucking with his friends.

Cause of the illness?

[CigarBuff]

If there's a zombie near me, I don't care what caused it. I don't care to find the source of the infection, or develop a cure. I just want it dead. Again.

Prioritize your work, CDC. Start with cancer and stuff.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[0racle]

Disaster planning pretty much always starts with 'a disaster has occurred, what do we do'. However people are very delicate things and would have their feelings hurt if you suggested a real disaster could happen and so to lighten things up a made up disaster is substituted.

Basically this is the CDC's plan for dealing with a disastrous disease outbreak.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[mikael_j]

According to the CDC blog you and all of your family members should gather outside your home. Yup, that's how they want you to stay safe when the zombies come for our sweet juicy brains, stand around outdoors waiting for your family to show up.

I think we can assume that the CDC is not the best source of zombie survival information.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[somersault]

I dunno. In all those zombie and slasher movies, getting into enclosed spaces isn't the best idea.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[mcspoo]

I call shenanigans on the need for documentation... what's a zombie going to do? Check my driver's license before it eats my liver?

Re:Cause of the illness?

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe its the CDC taking advantage of a stupid populace that thinks zombies is more likely than say floods or earthquakes? Get the younger generation on what they know. If you have an emergency kit then it works for zombies and extreme weather.

We recently had an earthquake and only had 50L of water, which if we had not of had family with 500L and clean water in outer townships then this could have been an issue. It took three weeks for the water to be cleared.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[MozeeToby]

There are several disaster preparedness groups that go under the guise of preparing for the zombie outbreak "because if you're ready for the zombie Apocalypse, you're ready for anything". Besides, this looks less like an analysis and more like a press release explaining how the CDC would respond to a major outbreak.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[yahwotqa]

This is exactly the point of the article. They're using the "cool" zombie apocalypse scenario to push through a message about disaster preparedness. Notice the "this would also help during hurricane, flood or earthquake" addons in nearly every paragraph.

It's a shrewd idea, actually - more impressionable young americans will read such article with interest than if it was written as a dry "how to prepare for a generic disaster"-type writeup.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[_Shad0w_]

I'm fairly sure cancer isn't the CDC's problem.

Plus you appear to have missed the entire point of the site anyway: it's a generic disaster preparedness site dressed up with zombies to make it interesting to people who would otherwise totally ignore it.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[mjwx]

Prioritize your work, CDC. Start with cancer and stuff.

What the CDC is trying to do here, is show Americans how to react in an emergency situation. The Zombie invasion is just there to pique the readers interest.

A lot of the stuff is not Zombie or even disease specific such as a water requirement. I grew up in the cyclone zone of Australia, a lot of what I read I already knew,
- stock up on fresh water (fill the bath, every available container)
- same with tinned food and other non perishables
- fill up gerry cans
- have a short wave radio (two way if you've got one) and enough spare batteries
- know where the evac points are (set by the authorities)
- Plan a regroup point inside and outside the house with your families.

A lot of it is common sense which just doesn't get followed. That's what the CDC want to get through to people, in case another natural disaster like Hurricane Katrina happened again because in a disaster zone you may be out of reach of help for several days.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[Frank T. Lofaro Jr.]

Prioritize your work, CDC. Start with cancer and stuff.

I'd say it is far more likely we'd have a zombie attack within my life than a cure (or even non-barbaric treatment in most cases) for cancer.

I'd say a reliable version of Windows is even more likely, or a non-corrupt Congressperson.

I'm convinced cancer is either by its nature unbeatable, or some very powerful interests are keeping it that way.

Re:Cause of the illness?

[Jesus_666]

Which is why I think whoever came up with this article is a genius. They certainly got a lot of attention for what amounts to tips on how to prepare for disasters in general.

Best Treatment?

[lunchlady55]

What do you mean, the best treatment? It better be a discussion of what best severs the spinal cord from a distance or I'll be losing faith in the CDC's ability to handle a zombie apocalypse!

Zombie Meme Now Undead!

[Gr33nJ3ll0]

Surely now that the terminally unhip people at the CDC are using zombies it means that this meme is dead, and we can move on to another right?

Re:Zombie Meme Now Undead!

[Anonymous Coward]

As I understand, the hip thing now is to call something a "meme", even if it has nothing to do with one.

Re:Zombie Meme Now Undead!

[Opportunist]

Well, but Ninjas and Robots are firmly in the hands of the Japanese and the RIAA has gobbled up the Pirate agenda, so what's left for them? You can only work with what you got.

Re:Zombie Meme Now Undead!

[Bieeanda]

Yep.

Brace for werewolves, everyone.

Re:Zombie Meme Now Undead!

[yahwotqa]

So... wait, sparkly vampires are out then?

Much like any other outbreak?

[Anonymous Coward]

"'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak."

Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other? We're not dealing with very cooperative patients here.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[jollyreaper]

Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?

Usually we call it religion.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[Anonymous Coward]

How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?

Does oil count as a disease?

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[Anonymous Coward]

Right, because his modding you down is totally the equivalent of an 'attack', thereby proving your point with some kind of twisted internet atheist troll logic. If anything, you should have been modded Flamebait or Troll, as your response to your moderation gives a pretty good indication that was the intent of the post.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[omnichad]

Did you ever see the miniseries The Stand (or read the book, but I haven't)? Trying to break protocol and breach quarantine to save yourself because you believe you're not infected is almost as bad as trying to eat someone's brains.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[BlackSnake112]

Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other?

Greed.

Imagine what would happen if someone walking into a crowded mall, held up a lottery ticket and said "here is the $100,000,000 winning lottery ticket".
I am willing to bet that some else will walk away with said ticket.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[jollyreaper]

Right, because his modding you down is totally the equivalent of an 'attack', thereby proving your point with some kind of twisted internet atheist troll logic. If anything, you should have been modded Flamebait or Troll, as your response to your moderation gives a pretty good indication that was the intent of the post..

It was really just a try for an easy laugh. I could have just as easily substituted Faux News, politics, football, or mosh pits. Religion seemed broadest and funniest but I think your reply beats my OP hands down. I'd mod you +5 funny if I had the points. :)

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[Opportunist]

Yup. And the whole thing matches perfectly. I mean, let's compare the symptoms of zombification and religiousness:

Aggressive behaviour towards people with brains? Yup.
Mindless repetition of the same utterances? Yup.
Congregation with other diseased? Yup.

My friend, I guess you're on the right track here.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[jollyreaper]

Yup. And the whole thing matches perfectly. I mean, let's compare the symptoms of zombification and religiousness:

Aggressive behaviour towards people with brains? Yup.
Mindless repetition of the same utterances? Yup.
Congregation with other diseased? Yup.

My friend, I guess you're on the right track here.

I'm getting downmodded like I said something bad about Apple. And considering that article talking about how people are literally having a religious experience in their brains when looking at Apple products... lol

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[somersault]

I think they'd crawl away ;)

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[interkin3tic]

Don't forget that there are some Christians out there who take the transfiguration literally and actually believe they are eating flesh and drinking blood. Granted, it looks like bread (or Styrofoam) and watered-down wine respectively, but if you take them at their word...

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[DavidTC]

Rabies.

It often causes animals to attack each other. That is, in fact, how the virus spreads.

It does this by causing inflammation of the brain, resulting in hallucinations, violent actions, paranoia, agitation, often resulting in a period of mania where they can attack randomly. At least in people, and animals seem to suffer basically the same

With people, it's less likely, humans just generally act weird and eventually pass out, but it has been known to occasionally happen with untreated rabies. However, unluckily for the virus, human beings do not usually attack each other with their mouths.

So even if people get that far in the infection, and they're one of the few people who manage to attack someone before falling into a coma, they usually do not manage to spread the disease. Almost no one gets rabies from other people.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[alexander_686]

I would think they would enlist the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps. Not many people know it, but the US does have a Uniformed Service stuffed full of docotrs and vets. And they do work closely with CDC all the time. Because you know the Surgeon General is a real General. [And yes, I say this a bit tongue in cheek.]
 

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[demonbug]

"'If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak."

Really? How many known diseases cause humans to turn and attack each other? We're not dealing with very cooperative patients here.

Greed, envy, wrath...

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[femtobyte]

I think the technical term you are looking for is "transmutation" or "transubstantiation" rather than "transfiguration." In the Christian context, "transfiguration" refers to an event where Jesus ascended a mountain with his disciples, shone with a bright light, conversed with (famous, deceased) prophets Moses and Elijah, and was declared to be God's son by a voice from the heavens.

While I do not believe in transubstantiation, and consider it to be a silly idea, it is not silly for the reason that you (and many ill-informed Christian-bashers) appear to believe. The language and understanding of transubstantiation is based on the technical language of Aristotle's philosophy and metaphysics. The "substance" that is purportedly changed when bread and wine are "converted" to the body and blood of Christ does not refer to the outward material form of the foodstuffs, but rather to inner "true" properties (a technical distinction in Aristotle's terminology that does not make sense in the context of other, more common modern metaphysical views). The outward form remains bread-y and wine-y; the Christian receiving the sacraments does not expect the bread to taste any more meaty or the wine any more bloody than regular. The reason that transubstantiation was rejected by Luther in the Protestant Reformation was precisely because of this reliance on finicky Aristotelian metaphysics (which was not biblically supported, nor self-evidently sensible), rather than due to the ridiculousness of bread materially transforming into human flesh, which no Christians (Roman Catholic or Protestant) actually believed in.

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[Culture20]

Don't forget that there are some Christians out there who take the transfiguration literally and actually believe they are eating flesh and drinking blood. Granted, it looks like bread (or Styrofoam) and watered-down wine respectively, but if you take them at their word...

The Romans did. Cannibalism was at the top of the list of crimes of the early church, along with atheism (not worshiping the gods of Rome) and orgies (love feasts).

Re:Much like any other outbreak?

[Opportunist]

Not really the source of choice. When has ever anyone who wanted to show someone in a bad light refrained from deliberately understanding something wrong?

It is, though, not only a matter of the enemies of the Christians. I don't remember if it's dogma or heresy now to think the transformation actually takes place, but some devotees took it literally, too.

Um Help?

[jimmerz28]

I like how "...and how patients can be treated." falls at the very end.

Re:Um Help?

[plover]

I like how "...and how patients can be treated." falls at the very end.

Treated...with a machete.

The CDC has a sense of humor

[Anonymous Coward]

Maybe too much of one?

I'd like the people who are guarding smallpox, anthrax, and other potentially lethal diseases to be humor-less and boring.

Re:The CDC has a sense of humor

[spun]

Won't someone think of the rabid zombie children?!?

Re:The CDC has a sense of humor

[istartedi]

I'd like the people who guard deadly shit to have a psychological profile that comports with being effective at their jobs and not prone to insane outbursts.

IANApsychologist, but I think humor-less and boring people might be prone to snap at some point.

Re:The CDC has a sense of humor

[monoqlith]

I agree, and honestly, I was mostly kidding. Having a sense of humor doesn't necessarily detract from the seriousness of people doing their jobs (although it can), and I obviously doubt that the people writing their web content have a direct hand in level 4 bio-containment anyway.
That said, I would like seriousness to be maintained in whatever form most guarantees our safety.

Re:The CDC has a sense of humor

[istartedi]

OK. I think I know what you mean.

netcraft confirms it...

[Anonymous Coward]

zombies are dead!

It is already happening!

[Anonymous Coward]

This happens every day in the insect world, I think it is very responsible of the CDC to be prepared.

what? no training program?

[Mr.Fork]

Where's the baseball head-splat, and chainsaw training programs for citizens assist in the control of the spread of the disease? Ammo depots? Location to get two-for-one specials for Colt 45's? Bait tactics? how about shot-gun modifications? You know, where to saw off the butt and barrel? And of course, Axe control - how to swing an axe at the head to ensure accuracy? You know, maybe if they created one of those diagram cards like we see on airplanes...that would be good.

Re:what? no training program?

[Anonymous Coward]

There's probably more, but I know of two training programs.

Re:what? no training program?

[demonbug]

Where's the baseball head-splat, and chainsaw training programs for citizens assist in the control of the spread of the disease?

Awesome idea, I'm going to start selling a line of baseball bats that comes with a little instruction tag like on fire extinguishers:

1. Hold handle firmly in both hands.
2. Swing at zombie cranium.
3. Repeat.

Re:what? no training program?

[Anonymous Coward]

If you teach citizens these skills, once they become zombies (assuming it's the fast type) they might retain those memories and become more difficult to dispose of.

The safest course of action would be if everyone were to stay in their basement to prevent coming into contact with other people (infected or not).

Re:what? no training program?

[mjwx]

Where's the baseball head-splat, and chainsaw training programs for citizens assist in the control of the spread of the disease? Ammo depots? Location to get two-for-one specials for Colt 45's?

Given the hardiness of zombies, their inability to recognise danger and their strength in numbers, guns are an incredibly ineffective against them.

Also given the fact that Zombies will simply walk towards you oblivious of danger, would it not be easier just to place a trap or seven between you and the walking dead then sit back drinking coffee whilst they blindly walk into it.

Also, forget conventional vehicles, armour me up a steam roller, it's zombie squashin' time.

Just die already

[tibbetts]

Isn't this zombie-mania past its prime yet? It was funny for a while, but now it's just overplayed.

Re:Just die already

[Sinthet]

You could say its become a somewhat zombified!

Re:Just die already

[Anonymous Psychopath]

Isn't this zombie-mania past its prime yet? It was funny for a while, but now it's just overplayed.

That's exactly what a zombie sympathizer would say. Traitor.

Re:Just die already

[somersault]

Tbh I thought it had already died, but somehow it's come back.

Re:Just die already

[interkin3tic]

You liked zombies better when they were underground?

appropriate link

[jollyreaper]

Monster Talk had the author of the Zombie Autopsies on for a fun chat about zombies. Monster Talk (podcast) is a skeptic's look at the science of cryptids and popular monsters. Their position is they love the monsters and the stories even if they don't believe in them and use the premise as a means of going into the science. Talk of the Loch Ness monster leads to plesiosaurs, their evolutionary history, and all the reasons there couldn't possibly be a breeding population surviving in the lake.

I didn't know about the Zombie Autopsies until I heard this show and I plan on checking it out. Hopefully it'll be the best bit of Zombie fiction since World War Z.

thezombieautopsies.com/

Zombie Snausages

[Anonymous Coward]

They forgot the freezer full of brains to keep your new neighbors happy.

Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[bl8n8r]

A tweet is one thing. An entire blog seems a bit over-the-top for dicking-off. Especially in these times.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[bmo]

You obviously didn't read the article.

It has some sensible disaster preparedness stuff in it. Just because it references popular culture doesn't mean it's a waste of money.

Government documents are boring enough as they are.

--
BMO

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[Swanktastic]

Personally, I think it's brilliant. Someone out there was assigned the job of getting as many people as possible to read some really boring emergency preparedness webpage, and they succeeded a million times over. It's on the front page of the WSJ.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[LordStormes]

The reason for this should be clear - has ANYONE here read a disaster preparedness article in the last 3-4 years? Probably not. This got the post on the front page of Google News, /., CNN, and countless other news sites. The page was "Slashdotted" all afternoon. How many people got educated about what to do in a disaster because they thought, "Oh, zombies, lulz!" I know I did. This stunt got them more exposure than $25 million in advertising could. I'd MUCH prefer that our government do cheap and more effective things whenever possible (especially when I get a laugh as a bonus), as opposed to tossing money everywhere for no effect.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[IVI V K]

I assume you didn't actually read the link...

It is a disaster preparation campaign with zombies as a hook to get people to read about how to prepare for natural disasters or outbreaks.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[skids]

Hey what's your TMI score?

Seriously, for reasons adequately described by the other replies to your post, seek treatment.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[Dogtanian]

How many people got educated about what to do in a disaster because they thought, "Oh, zombies, lulz!"

That's ironic, because I honestly *didn't* read the article for the same reason- I thought it was just yet another entry on the pretend-serious joke "zombie apocalypse" bandwagon, which is starting to become overdone to the point of cliche.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[brainzach]

The CDC is doing a study on viral marketing

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[bmo]

You joke, but I saw this on Reddit, posted it to my Facebook profile, and suddenly I saw it here.

Maybe they should do more (heh) viral marketing.

Excellent pun, btw. Fully cromulent.

--
BMO

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[Anonymous Coward]

Of course they don't include self defense on the list, but that's to be expected I suppose. A .gov agency can't go endorsing things like that while trying to be a nanny-state and pushing gun control and whatnot - too un-PC.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[Dahamma]

Actually, I find this part even more brilliant - the author wasn't just a random intern "assigned the job", it was the Director of the CDC's Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response (a Rear Admiral!). Nice to see when "the boss" can have a sense of humor, too.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[shutdown -p now]

Didn't the fact that it's a .gov URL pique your interest in the slightest?

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[azalin]

Actually it looks a lot like a standard emergency preparedness article with rather slight modifications. Someone just added the words "zombie apocalypse" to the list of more common emergencies, changed "generic_disaster_picture_1.jpg" to "shot_from_zombie_movie.jpg", added a few words of introduction and there you go.
Probably took less than 20 minutes and totally worth the time if just one person getting in a real emergency remembers the tips from an article he read for fun.

Re:Um... taxpayer money went into this?

[Dogtanian]

I barely looked at the summary, let alone hovered over the URL to see what address it was.

Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appeal

[PeterM from Berkeley]

While the CDC doesn't think that there'll actually be a zombie apocalypse, they do recognize that some really bad scenerios involving contagious disease could happen, and the effect on society could come to resemble that of a zombie apocalypse.

Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.

And the CDC is arguably more important than the US Military, and neglected. Which is REALLY a bigger threat to us, the military power of any foreign adversary, or a highly contagious disease that knows no borders?

At this point I'd like to remind everyone that 44,000 of us die every year from antibiotic resistant germs. Exactly how many of us died in 9/11? 3000? And yet we spend trillions on our military, and... HOW MUCH, on new antibiotic development???

--PeterM

May not be needed any more.

[blair1q]

When Jesus Christ returns this Saturday, the world's only confirmed zombie will be un-undead, solving the only known source of the problem.

So the CDC is a little late with its contribution, here.

Re:May not be needed any more.

[mikael_j]

So what you're saying is that we need to decapitate him? or at least destroy his brain?

Re:May not be needed any more.

[blair1q]

No, we just need to wait until Sunday, then stand outside any church and ask the people going inside if it matters if they do that any more.

Re:May not be needed any more.

[Opportunist]

Would only be fair. How many brains were destroyed in his name?

Re:May not be needed any more.

[cyberchondriac]

No, we just need to wait until Sunday, then stand outside any church and ask the people going inside if it matters if they do that any more.

Any church?
I don't identify myself as a Christian, but you do realize the 175,000 or so whackos who believe this represent just a tiny minority of christians, right? Most are scoffing at this as much as any other religious (or non-religious) group.

Re:May not be needed any more.

[Lehk228]

i don't care what he calls himself, christ or otherwise, if you rise from the dead near me, you are getting one right between the eyes.

Re:May not be needed any more.

[blair1q]

Those rapture novels are among the best selling books of the last two decades.

It's a whole lot more than 175,000 people who believe in it.

Re:May not be needed any more.

[cyberchondriac]

Maybe, maybe not (example of one on the NYT best sellers list?) -buying a book doesn't necessarily mean the reader believes everything they read inside; but more specifically, I'm referring to this specific "rapture" of May 21, 2011, not the concept of "the Rapture" in general.

Re:May not be needed any more.

[blair1q]

How about Four of them on the NYT list simultaneously?

The United States is populated by xtian morons, and the xtian con machine is buying political power to make that worse.

One particular cult may have picked May 21 to publicize (that's not the date, btw, it's just when shit starts to unravel; the actual rapturing starts in October), but you can bet that every one of those god-brained fools is hoping this is really it, even if they're too chickenshit to join the parade openly.

probably just cover it up

[dltaylor]

If "patient 0" was was the result of DoD, DoE, CIA, or corporate experiments, they'd probably cover that up and blame it on "terrorists", 'specially if they could cover up human experimentation in some minor country, like, say, Costa Rica.

Re:probably just cover it up

[Wyatt Earp]

If Patient Zero was the result of DoD or CIA experiments they'd shoot Patient Zero in the head and incinerate Patient Zero.

Easy...

[Anonymous Coward]

It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated

Lol, copious amounts of Milla Jovovich, there's your answer to all those questions.

The end is nigh...

[RdeCourtney]

Well, I guess you've got to be prepared when the big Judgement Day is on Saturday: http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/ Remember only 2 days to the end of the world - so if you're a Christian, then send me your money - money after all is the root of all evil. Therefore by sending me cash or a wire transfer you'll be absolved of your sins on Saturday!

Re:The end is nigh...

[oracleofbargth]

No, the love of money is the root of all evil. (Doesn't anyone actually read Timothy anymore?)

Pssssh.. Bad advice

[Anonymous Coward]

First rule of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse : do not head to a refuge area. There is no safe haven just a town/state/country away. If the government/army/local militia is trying to set one up it is only a matter of time until a trojan infected gets in and turns the place into an inescapable slaughter house.

Safety is not in numbers when it come to zombies.

Remember the rules.

[ddusza]

Rule number 1--Cardio.... LOL

Misleading

[DeBaas]

After RTFA, it seems not so much that they prepare and believe zombies to be a threat, but more like page on that you should prepare for emergencies. And, maybe a bit lame, they choose a popular theme to explain how you should prepare as well as what the CDC is for.

Ok, that was reality, let's get back at poking fun at CDC

Hmmm ...

[gstoddart]

I'm sure I saw this on a TV show not long ago ... and by the time the good guys got to the CDC, they realized that had been wiped out too. Can't remember the name of the show at the moment.

Now, my next question ... is WTF is the CDC doing talking about the zombie apocalypse? Or is this just a cleverly disguised way of giving real emergency preparedness instructions and using social networking?

That's just plain bizarre. Possibly quite clever, but definitely bizarre.

Re:Hmmm ...

[Niris]

Show was Walking Dead on AMC. They referenced it briefly in the article. Also an absolutely amazing comic if you're into the zombie thing.

Re:Hmmm ...

[hellkyng]

The TV show was most likely AMC's The Walking Dead. They make it to the CDC right before it automatically self destructs to prevent the spread of the various other diseases they are keeping in storage: http://science.slashdot.org/story/11/05/18/1539244/US-Preserves-Smallpox-For-Defense

Re:Hmmm ...

[gstoddart]

Show was Walking Dead on AMC. They referenced it briefly in the article.

That's the one ... it was really well done. Though, it seemed like they played a marathon of season 1, and then just stopped. I was looking forward to more of it ... oh well, at least they're making a Zombieland sequel. :-P

I think it's hilarious that that they've got someone with the savvy to disguise a real emergency preparedness message in a "zombie apocalypse" thing ... too funny!

Re:Hmmm ...

[afidel]

Season 2 premiers in October =)

Re:Hmmm ...

[rbarreira]

Though, it seemed like they played a marathon of season 1, and then just stopped.

Season 2 is already in production.

Re:Hmmm ...

[R3d M3rcury]

Or is this just a cleverly disguised way of giving real emergency preparedness instructions and using social networking?

Give that man a cigar!

Hey, it made you read the article.

nation unites to end 400 year chosen ones holycost

[Anonymous Coward]

that's the spirit. no more zombie behavior out of this crowd. thanks.

what we're 'giving up'; no wonder it's to be decreed this day that the god given chosen ones' holycost must be extendead until at least 2025, because of our fear, & the # of us, which both are big. disarmament is catching on all over the globe. so we'll clearly be at some advantage, & the rest of the world will continue to bow down, suck up, & just re-fear us in general. it worked for us until it didn't, now it's not our fault if a lot more death & destruction is done because THEY won't listen/give us their resources, even though we need them to keep the dream a lie for another day. when self-importants of our guys get nailed, it's ALWAYS 'former' head..., alleged, unproven blah blah blah. innocent until ,,, unless. terrorific example of regimes run amok.

still waiting? more stand-up talknician routines. more threatening now? will the FSF guys be arrested for sex crimes too? julians, adrians, everybody's at risk, of being arrested, or worse. scary? 13 year old tagged by ss.gov at school for unapproved tweeting. so we're safe from him now. the key to the bells & whistles of just one city is way too much trust to put in one human. our/our planet's fate however, is different?

same old; how many 1000 babys going up in smoke again today? how many 1000's of just folks to be killed or displaced again today? hard to put $$ on that. the cost of constant deception, to our spirit? paying to have ourselves constantly spied on & lied to by freaky self chosen neogod depopulationers? the biblically styled fatal distraction holycost is all encompassing, & never ends while we're still alive, unless we cut them/ourselves off at the wmd. good luck with that, as it's not even a topic anywhere we get to see, although in real life it's happening everywhere as our walking dead weapons peddlers are being uncontracted. you can call this weather if it makes you feel any better. no? read the teepeeleaks etchings.

so, once one lie is 'infactated', the rest becomes just more errant fatal history.

disarm. tell the truth. the sky is not ours to toy with after all?

you call this 'weather'? what with real history racing up to correct
itself, while the chosen one's holycostal life0cider mediots continually
attempt to rewrite it, fortunately, there's still only one version of the
truth, & it's usually not a long story, or a confusing multiple choice
fear raising event.

wouldn't this be a great time to investigate the genuine native elders social & political leadership initiative, which includes genuine history as put forth in the teepeeleaks etchings. the natives still have no words in their language to describe the events following their 'discovery' by us, way back when. they do advise that it's happening again.

who has all the weapons? who is doing MOST of the damage? what are the motives? are our intentions & will as the ones who are supposed to be being represented honestly & accurately, being met? we have no reference to there being ANY public approval for the current mayhem & madness pr firm regime style self chosen neogod rulership we've allowed to develop around us, so we wouldn't have to stop having fun, & doing things that have nothing to do with having to defend from the smoke&mirrors domestic frenetics, of the unproven genocides. rockets exploding in syria fired from Libya? yikes?

the zeus weather weapon is still being used indiscriminately against the population, our rulers' minions are fleeing under fire.

the whore of babylon has been rescued by the native elders. she has the papers of challenge authored by the hymenical council, & is cooperating wholeheartedly with the disarmament mandate.
disarm. thank you.

censorship, or convenience?
Due to excessive bad posting from this IP or Subnet, anonymous comment
posting has temporarily been disabled. You can still login to post.
However, if bad posting continue

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[Missing.Matter]

Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.

No, if you get bit by a zombie you'll end up un dead

Specialist training

[Flipstylee]

Weapons are fine but make sure you have your handy dandy welder, it seems trivial, but once a scrake sneaks up on you it's all over but the cryin.

really

[Anonymous Coward]

slashdot used to be cutting edge news......sadly this was an article on almost every other news site for the past few days

Zombie Awareness

[VortexCortex]

May is Zombie Awareness Month.
( Well, actually, there are many unofficial dates set, so I observer all of them! )

Zombie Awareness Day is a great time to check your friends and family for bite marks and other tell tale "infected" behavior, and to review & revise your Zombie Plan (Think Fire Escape Plan -- Except that you're prepared to keep running for months after you safely exit the premises).

Which brings me to my next point: It's time to make sure you have your Zombie Preparedness Kit in order -- It's basically a Hurricane or Earthquake preparedness kit, with more shotguns and shells.

Remember -- "Shoot it in the head, it stays dead.", and have a Happy Zombie Awareness Month!

Re:Zombie Awareness

[Opportunist]

Infected behaviour? You ARE aware that most of my friends are geeks, right? If I had to shoot them if they behaved apathetic, have pale skin, communicate in grunts or have questionable odor, I wouldn't have friends anymore!

Who are they kidding?

[Reservoir Penguin]

I've read the ZSG twice and I think I'm pretty well prepared. With the FA the bureaucrats over at CDC just want to cover their asses, there is little useful advise in the FA, no discussion of stockpiling weapons and ammo, nothing about preparing a retreat. In reality when ZA happens all kinds of government will be the first to go. Better get yourself a copy of the ZSG and read it cover to cover, including "Living in the undead world" chapter.

zombie repellent

[OglinTatas]

I am disappointed that the list of items to keep in your emergency kit doesn't include a shotgun and a box of 12 ga. zombie repellent. Clearly they are not taking this seriously.

Re:zombie repellent

[Thud457]

I've got a rock that keeps zombies away, if you're interested. I assure you, the price is right.

7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail

[datorum]

uhmm well: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html

No Shotgun?!?

[Tim12s]

First article i've actually read fully before posting...

Under emergency kit I was expecting to find at least a shotgun listed.

Re:No Shotgun?!?

[Wyatt Earp]

While I like the 12 gauge semi-automatic shotgun, I think the reloading time and small ammo tube is going to hamper you in the long run.

Handguns are marginal for range and stopping power, so my zombie regulator is a Marlin 1894C firing .44 Remington Magnum with a ported barrel. 6.5 pounds, 3 feet long, 9 shots and you can reload it without taking turning the gun around.

Also you can stand off out to 95 meters and still have a very good chance of a head or neck shot. Two-three Z lined up, a 44 will through and through one or two of them even at 90-95 meters.

Re:No Shotgun?!?

[rubycodez]

I'd rather deal with my zombified former neighbors, loved ones and friends and annoying in-laws up close and personal. A katana never needs reloading.



well, ok, backed up with my six inch colt python in case my arms get tired.

Re:No Shotgun?!?

[shutdown -p now]

You don't need stopping power against zombies - if you hit them in the right spot (brain) they die even if it's just a .22, and if you hit them in the wrong one it'll only temporarily knock them back. Shotgun is only marginally more effective in that it can shoot limbs off with a good aim, but that merely gives a sense of false security, as zombies can crawl surprisingly fast, and the bite is vicious!

So, any semi-auto .223 to pick them from the distance (flat trajectory and range is what matters here), and a reliable handgun with a large magazine in practically any caliber, would do the trick. Alternatively, a pistol-caliber carbine may be useful.

And, of course, practice those brain shots (remember: head != brain, and, especially at an angle, hitting the head does not guarantee hitting the brain!).

Re:No Shotgun?!?

[Wyatt Earp]

Yea, the .223 is a good choice, but with the .44 any good head shot is going to do alot of hydrostatic shock to the entire head, destroying the brain.

So alternately pickup a flat top AR-15/M-16/M-4 and get a holographic sight or like a 3x scope, switch to single fire if you've gotten the M-16/M-4 and go for the brain case

Re:No Shotgun?!?

[Wyatt Earp]

If the infection is bloodborne, do you want to mess around with up close?

Not to mention HIV, Hep or anything else the former living might have floating in their blood and brains.

Budget

[DarkOx]

Still think a 15pct cross the board cutting of the Federal budget is out of line?

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, this CDC post is just a way to try and justify its existence and funding. Shouldn't be supported by taxes if you ask me.

Zombies Spotted

[Anonymous Coward]

in downtown Atlanta traffic. As I write this, asldfkjlxv hcclZX c sad;f, the window of the anlkcxv x;i
is b' ak;sdj' broken,. .......... '
Zombies ............

Dial ........ News at 11.

Yours In Atlanta,
K. Trout

P.S.: I hear Slashdot is cover for a massive P2P music filesharing scam.

P.S.: Slashdot .

Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor...

[mark-t]

Because I really don't see the point to this.

Re:Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor...

[Anonymous Coward]

While you were herpin' and derpin', the article summed it up quite nicely.

Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!

If you RTFA, you'd see that all the advice was geared to standard emergencies and the "Zombie Apocalypse" thing was used as a hook.

Re:Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor...

[mark-t]

Yeah... except the "Zombie Apocalypse" thing led me to not take it seriously enough to be interested in taking a look.

But as I said at the beginning... maybe I just don't have a sense of humor.

Re:Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor...

[Anonymous Coward]

The point is to raise awareness regarding preparedness for real-world disasters like floods and tornados. The zombie stuff is a fun metaphor.

Zombie Squad is a private group that does the same thing, and probably inspired the CDC's blog post.

Re:Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor...

[SleazyRidr]

If you have little enough of a sense of humor to be prepared for an infectious disease outbreak anyway, then you're not really part of the target audience.

Re:Maybe I just don't have a sense of humor...

[Anonymous Coward]

Because I really don't see the point to this.

Maybe you are a zombie. Please turn yourself in to your friendly local CDC case officer.

Writer's favorite zombie movie

[ndogg]

FTFA:

my personal favorite is Resident EvilExternal Web Site Icon

Huh, I guess that must be the name of the next RE movie. Sounds interesting though. I wonder if they're going to have a Slashdot zombie. Maybe it will shun the outside, and refuse to leave its mother's basement, and still cry for brains.

Come down and eat chicken with me, beautiful.

[Anonymous Coward]

It's so dark!

Zombies are already roaming...

[Lord Juan]

Maybe not the streets, but they are definitely roaming the governments of pretty much every nation.

Re:Zombies are already roaming...

[rubycodez]

I always thought of Dick Cheney as more the vampire type, lining his pockets and growing power with the blood of hundreds of thousands of innocents.

Re:Pssssh.. Bad advice

[Opportunist]

Damn straight. If something remotely similar happens, the LAST place I want to be is where a lot of other humans are.

The desert looks very inviting in such moments.

CDC posting about a zombie outbreak, eh?

[Anubis IV]

What do they know that we don't...?

Re:CDC posting about a zombie outbreak, eh?

[Un pobre guey]

The Zombie Apocalypse is a metaphor.

Re:CDC posting about a zombie outbreak, eh?

[Anubis IV]

Of this I am aware. Slashdot erased my "</tinfoil hat>" (probably because it didn't recognize it as valid HTML) at the end that was meant to indicate it was supposed to be taken as humorous.

Re:CDC posting about a zombie outbreak, eh?

[Un pobre guey]

It was funny, but in today's conspiracy-theory-heavy public media you never know. I would bet money that there are plenty of people out there who seriously believe in the existence of zombies and vampires, not to mention the imminence of rapture and the end of the world this year or the next.

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[Rob the Bold]

A person trying to kill you is infinitely more dangerous than a virus.

Really? Cause I'd wager you'd be a lot more freaked out by Ebola than a Slashdotter with a hammer.

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[pudding7]

Yes. Let's make their work a "for profit" exercise. Good idea.

Zombie outbreak would be a trainwreck in slomotion

[Schwhat]

Zombies have no morality about spreading the disease. They just instinctively do so. What makes a zombie outbreak work so well is because humanity will treat it like a train wreck in slow motion. They see the zombies coming, and they can prevent it from spreading it, but too many people humanize the infected and are unwilling to de-humanize themselves to prevent the outbreak from happening. So the majority will argue with their inner-selves with morality about killing what they consider humans until it's too late for themselves to escape.

it's a cute ad

[story645]

It looks like they're trying to advert their emergency preparedness campaign, and this is a great creative way to do it.

Booooo

[Anonymous Coward]

Article sounds condescending. Notice how they leave any form of self-protection off from their survival kit, they obviously do not want you to protect yourself from anything. The author clearly wants the zombies to win.

Discrimination Lawsuit

[NicknamesAreStupid]

I see it coming any minute -- some lawyer is going to say Zombies are a protected class and the government is showing prejudice. A lot of undead are going to get rich off this, if they file to be part of the claimant pool (a.k.a. undead pool). Of course, Zombies are notorious slackers when it comes to paperwork. So, lawyers will get most of the award yet again.

Re:Discrimination Lawsuit

[Roachie]

In a wreck and need a check? Lerner and Rowe is the way to go! Lerner and Rowe is the way to go!

Re:Discrimination Lawsuit

[Anonymous Coward]

Wait, wait, wait....you mean you're actually worried that some soul-less brain sucking goon is actually going to be offended, and would bother to hire other soul-less brain sucking goons, with credentials, to take you to court for denying them their right to liberty while they deny you your rights to life? Oh, umm, come to think of it, that sounds kinda like the corporate arbitration process, doesn't it? Crap, the Zombie Apocalypse has already begun. Ok, never mind, then, carry on.

Re:Discrimination Lawsuit

[Anonymous Coward]

Of course, Zombies are notorious slackers when it comes to paperwork.

And that's libel - expect a subpoena any day now.

Re:CDC is not the best source of ... information.

[snikulin]

Or we can assume that the CDC is already infected by zombies.

zombies ...meh - vampires scare me

[linuxwebadmin]

I'm not too scared of the zombies, but vampires: [30 days of night] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0389722/ that's something to be worried about.

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[swb]

It's not hard to imagine an infectious disease scenario which really does resemble a zombie outbreak, up to and including biting as a means of infection -- imagine a rabies mutation, for example, which has an incubation period of a week but allows for the host to stay alive for 3-4 weeks. Presumably (like in 28 Days Later) they'd mostly die of starvation or dehydration, presuming that the symptoms of infection prevented most rational survival behavior like drinking and eating.

I'd generally worry more about the secondary effects of any widespread pandemic -- economic disruption, lack of health care resources for every other illness, and the general panic that would ensue (public trust is bad now, when you think death and illness are lurking, look out).

The CDC and other public health authorities create some of their own problems by casting political issues in public health terms (gun control, for example). My sense is they would have fewer problems if they focused on biological illness and didn't stray into gun control, seat belts, and other issues less directly connected to disease. I get the point they and others make on some of the issues related to food, but many others are tenuous at best and entirely political at worst.

To be fair to the Army, USAMRIID is a pretty big deal and probably has more civilian payback then you think.

Really, the solution is easy.

[Xaroth]

"...and how patients can best be treated."

Romero gives the best advice, of course:
    I keep telling my men to shoot those things in the head. Head... dead. Anyplace else, those things just twitch.

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[monoqlith]

Wow, that's not true at all. In the worst case scenario of human deadliness, they're about equal. In any other case, I'd put my money on nature for mass destruction every time.

World War II killed over 60 million people. The 1918 flu epidemic killed between 50 and 100 million people. Bacterial infections can be equivalently (or more) deadly: The bubonic plague in Europe killed 75 million people. If you add up all of the dead from all of the military conflicts in history and compare it to "acts of God" , I'm pretty sure nature would come out on top (it would have had to, in order for us to evolve so quickly.)

I'd say we should be putting at least the same amount of money into pathogen defense as we do into military defense.

Plausible.

[w0mprat]

It's not completely implausible that something like the Zombie apocolpyse could occur. Rabbies, Syphillius, Toxoplasma Gondii are examples of pathogens known to affect behaviour. If one of these or something similar became much more easily tranmissable and had a rapid and dramatic effect on behaviour you'd have yourself your Zombie apocolypse. Walking undead is of course bollocks.

CDC have actually probably seriously considered this scenario.

Apparently, being prepared is a good life plan.

[Awkward Engineer]

If you read further into the article, you see that their guidelines are pretty much the same as preparing for any other disaster: have a meeting plan for your family, have water, food, shelter, etc. Good for them for having creative marketing. www.awkwardengineer.com

Rule #4

[bareman]

Double Tap. That's most of what you need to know.

It helps to already have the cardio. (knowing that rule doesn't help so much unless you knew for a while and prepared.)

Re:Rule #4

[JustNiz]

...and Always fasten your seatbelt.

Re:Rule #4

[Anonymous Coward]

lol can't forget the double tap... or beware of bathrooms.

braaaiiiinnnnssssss

[Anonymous Coward]

Join me in death.....

Re:Pssssh.. Bad advice

[Mindcontrolled]

Depends. Going with world war Z, zombies are not particularly active in the cold, iirc - better hole up in some cabin at the arse end of Alaska then. Desert heat might set them on overdrive...

Re:7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fa

[Dogtanian]

uhmm well: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html [cracked.com]

Eh.... I know it's obviously tongue-in-cheek, but that article doesn't really work on its own terms.

Problem is that they give scientifically-plausible reasons about how their bodies can't heal themselves due to damage, their lack of circulation means the cold would damage them, ditto heat (which would cause putrefaction or mummification), maggots would eat them etc.

Yet it relies on accepting the basic premise of the stereotypical zombie- that something that was already in a "dead" and decomposing state would still (somehow) be capable of supporting life, let alone actually moving about in an animated manner. Problem is that if you accept Cracked's analysis- even as an intellectual joke- you can't really then dismiss very similar reasons why zombies shouldn't exist in the first place!

two words

[circletimessquare]

zombie snipers

Re:Zombie outbreak would be a trainwreck in slomot

[jaymzter]

Agreed. If Zombism is only a disease, then zombies have rights. It only naturally follows that unless one is about to take a spoon to your brain it would be "murder" to kill one on sight, or possibly criminal to not offer help.

For an interesting take on questions like this check out High School of the Dead.

Re:7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fa

[datorum]

yeah, well, but the last one (reason #1) still nails the coffin.

Not New

[Bureaucromancer]

Not the first time I've seen something like this actually. I've heard of a few cases where emergency agencies have run training scenarios based on a zombie apocalypse, not for the likelihood of the event but to get their command personnel thinking outside the conventional scenarios. Pretty valuable IMO given that effective response is not so much dependant on having pre planned scenarios for predictable events as in being able to respond to unexpected ones.

Ear Zombies

[Anonymous Coward]

AP just posted a "story" that CDC has reported 2.4 million "trips" (mostly adult visits costing some $500 million) requiring anitbiotic ear drops due to contracted infections in broken ear skin while swimming!! I assume this was in the U.S. and I'm sure there is some kind of "trip" involved in this
CDC study. Perhaps these ear drops are habit forming for some or a shot in the arm for the medical profession? Otherwise, Swimmers Ear Study
sounds like a political Zombie collecting big money for budget shots for the CDC. Maybe someone should take that rubber tube off and let the
budget cuts flow to this Zombie; so often a shill for Big Pharma.
.

to be fair

[circletimessquare]

if we are going to consider the cdc's case and talking points, we should also consider what the zombie nation offers us, their motivations and their point of view:

http://zombo.com/

Easy fix, ban worcestershire sauce

[Quila]

Barring that, kill the original infected person.

No this is real!

[jrade]

2nd floor of my office is filled with zombies. But strangely enough, they all kind of disappear around 5PM.

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[nedlohs]

And the CDC is arguably more important than the US Military, and neglected. Which is REALLY a bigger threat to us, the military power of any foreign adversary, or a highly contagious disease that knows no borders?

A person trying to kill you is infinitely more dangerous than a virus.

How many people were killed in the last year by other people?

How many people died from contagious diseases?

I'm putting my money on that second one being larger.

I am much more likely to die from an inectious disease than from someone intentionally killing me.

Note: I'm not contesting the benefits the US military brings or that without one those chances might reverse. I'm just contesting that "infinitely more dangerous" claim.

Disease Control

[Anonymous Coward]

A real zombie apocalypse would be more like "28 Days Later". A pathogen, not unlike rabies, infects the brain and promotes passing the disease to others. Guns are not that useful, and may spread the disease faster via contaminated blood wounds.

I just saw a documentary about this!

[qeloi]

Quarantine chillingly recounts an incident in which the CDC is called in to quarantine a zombie outbreak. (Not to be confused with the cDc, which may in fact be responsible for zombie outbreaks.)

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[six11]

Which is REALLY a bigger threat to us, the military power of any foreign adversary, or a highly contagious disease that knows no borders?

The military of an adversary using (or losing control of) highly contagious diseases within our borders. Lets just hope the rogue militant wing of Blackwater doesn't develop the zombiepox.

Re:awesome prvilege

[TheRaven64]

Did you use the same appalling approximation of English when you submitted the story as when you posted? If so, it's not surprising that your version was rejected.

Too Late

[evildarkdeathclicheo]

They already took over. They're planning to defend against an apocalypse of free thinkers, but this is mostly laughed at by the mainstream and believed to be in the realm of fiction and hyperbole. -W

Re:awesome prvilege

[Anonymous Coward]

If not, it's not surprising that your version was rejected.

FTFY

You missed an important point

[Kittenman]

... you'll be facing zombie hunters with guns.

Free ice-cream! oh, and a zombie apocalypse!

[js_sebastian]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cdc-officials-announce-free-ice-cream-for-everyone,17611/

Eat Galactus

[Culture20]

If Marvel Zombies taught me nothing else: in case of Zombie Apocalypse, eat Galactus.

Somebody

[Anonymous Coward]

was playing too much resident evil on the job

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[R3d M3rcury]

Instead of biting you to infect you, someone coughs on you instead, either way you end up dead.

So what you're saying is that I should just shoot people who look sick, in case they end up coughing on me.

Important safety tip. Thanks.

Re:Not meant literally, but rather a cultural appe

[PeterM from Berkeley]

Sir,

    Do you REALLY think someone is going to invade us and risk nuclear retaliation? I mean, REALLY?

    Flip side, with our large military, do you REALLY think we're going to invade Russia? China? Or even India or Pakistan or North Korea? They're all nuclear armed, we're not going to touch them.

    The reason for the large military is to project force elsewhere, not self defense.

--PeterM

What the hell?

[Anonymous Coward]

This article looks like something slashdot would post on April fools day.

Wait, what?

[Legion303]

This is utterly fucking retarded.

Silver lining.

[Anonymous Coward]

People complained about the money spent investigating Bill Clinton. Whitewater, Monica, etc. About $60 million last I heard. They only see the waste.

But if you look at all the entertainment value America got, it was a bargain. Years of jokes, speculation, and other idle amusement. At 20 cents per person, that's some of the best spend money in years.

Small

[MobyDisk]

Folks, it is no coincidence that this information is released the day after The US decides to keep smallpox virus samples "just in case" it is needed. The signs tell that there is a strain of smallpox that produces zombies, and the US government is releasing the necessary information without inciting panic while working on an antidote. People will read this, laugh, but it puts them on alert. Now they notice that a coworker is acting a little strangely and trying to hug them while drooling. And does that look like a head wound?

Be prepared.

clever propoganda

[rubycodez]

the CDC knows full well some vial of this or that they have lying about will cause the first Zombie Apocalypse, and it is they who will come boiling out of their buildings frothing at the mouths for braaaaaaaaaiiiiinz. Don't be mislead! Be part of the truly prepared and ready your scoped crossbows with exploding bolts, drummed semi-auto 12 gauges with BRI sabot slugs, and 42" chainsaws! I saw 28 Days Later and I know what I'm talking about.

Plausible deniability.

[Roachie]

Yea, soes we dont think its them that caused it... But we know.... we know...

I am uninformedLuddite

[uninformedLuddite]

the only child of Mr and Mrs U. Luddite. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant before he and my poor mother were infected with the ZomLypse Virus. Due to the special nature of this virus the coroner is unable to provide a death certificate as Mum and Dad are still mobile and have been scene eating out in public quite often. As I witnessed the virus infecting and rapidly taking control of my father he managed to make me aware (through the tics, convulsions, and gnashing of teeth) of a large quantity of gold and gemstones hidden on a local and nearby island. This island is effectively under quarantine and unapproachable through normal channels. I have managed to contact a group known as the A-team and upon prepayment of the agreed sum of $200,000USD they are willing to undertake this very dangerous mission. Your share if you should choose to partake of this once in a lifetime opportunity would be in the region of $10,000,000USD. As a person of honour and integrity I believe that you would happily invest this necessary sum helping to liberate this wealth and to snatch it away from the the heartless, grasping hands of Mammon.

Yours in love,

Uninformed Luddite

Yeah yeah, sure

[frenchbedroom]

Umbrella Corp. pushing out some PR, as usual.

Think about it

[dugeen]

The authorities have good reason to keep the zombie meme in people's minds. It was originally created to help keep Americans suspicious of collective action and revolutionary ideas. And it still seems to be doing its job 40 years later.

Zombies with guns

[Anonymous Coward]

Who says that zombies can't use guns to kill their prey? Might make them a little overpowered and un-zombie-like, but as many people really love their guns, it might be so natural to them to carry them around and to use them that they'd continue to do so when they are dead.

Re:Zombies with guns

[Anonymous Coward]

So wait, now we are fighting The Flood from Halo?

What's the news?

[Anonymous Coward]

What's the news here? Most of us are zombies already, or we wouldn't be reading this rubbish.

Zombies don't work

[soundguy4film]

Great so our tax dollars are going to research we don't need. Comon everyone knows, shoot zombies in head don't get bitten and there is no cure. But in all reality zombies are impossible. When it comes down to it the human body is a machine, it requires fuel and lubrication and it's own support systems. When you kill a person they die because the mechanisms of their body can no longer keep going. Hence Zombies being impossible. Without blood carrying oxygen to muscles the muscles won't move etc.

Zombies aren't real but they are a metaphor.

[Anonymous Coward]

For when the food and fuel trucks stop going into cities with millions of hungry mouths in them. In just a week all the store shelves will be empty and those millions of people will come out of the cities, filthy, emaciated, shambling, attacking everyone in their path to eat their food. Just like a zombie.

Re:awesome prvilege

[Anonymous Coward]

FTFY is not an acceptable word. The full phrase is "Fixed That For You".

Fixed That For You.

Have "enough" spare batteries

[PeterWone]

How much is "enough"? For the scale of destruction for which the zombie thing is a metaphor, help isn't going to arrive in for months, if at all. You'd need a big box full of NiMH batteries and a big PVA, a solar thermal water heater and a solar still, since the "zombies" would continue to threaten and you'd prefer to sit tight on your roof rather than go foraging. The solar still is because you will have to recycle your own urine. You still won't have enough food, so eventually you will have to go foraging. You'll need a party of armed men. Has to be men, women argue and have microscopic bladders, and after a while they cause division among men just by being female, which might not be intentional but it still happens. And the men will argue too unless they are fast friends and have trained together with firearms. A group of hunters would probably work. Soldiers would be better. In an armoured vehicle. Two armoured vehicles. With flamethrowers. This is starting to sound like fun.

filthy, emaciated, shambling...

[PeterWone]

You make a very good point. I was already working on independent water and power. No I think I had better improve my fencing and get bigger dogs, plus geese and possibly peacocks (peacocks are just slow enough that you keep thinking you can catch one, it should occupy the luckless "zombies" until exhaustion kills them). Luckily guns are banned here in Australia but there is an exemption for landholders.