Slashdot Mirror
North Korea Claims Archaeologists Have Found 'Unicorn Lair' In Pyongyang
eldavojohn writes "NPR pointed out a press release claiming that North Korean archaeologists have found a 'unicorn lair' in Pyongyang. The members of the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences have "reconfirmed" that this site was used for King Tongmyong's unicorn where the unicorn would concoct his unicorn schemes and do his unicorn things if anyone ventured too closely. The last line is, perhaps, the most important line of the article, 'The discovery of the unicorn lair, associated with legend about King Tongmyong, proves that Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom.' Fear not that North Korea is surpassing the world in cryptozoology, Dr. Melba S. Ketchum of Nacogdoches, TX has claimed to have recently sequenced Bigfoot's DNA and he's part human."
What the hell? Also, how in the heck does something THIS RETARDED land on the front page?
...really is the BEST Korea. Worse Korea doesn't have unicorns, after all.
They're just trying to get back at us for The Onion article about the sexiest man alive.
It's best we just go ahead and surrender now. I for one welcome..... no, no, this goes beyond overlord.... I welcome our unicorn-domesticating superiors and look forward to serving under the yoke of unicornia!! (I admit I got all excited at first thinking they found a lair of uni-porn.... but this isn't bad, either!)
Sig Registration Form 34c_766(a) submitted to Ministry of Signature Management. Approval pending.
They do have unicorns in North Korea!
This is why poor countries shouldn't develop nuclear weapons. Sooner or later your horses start to look like unicorns.
Because it's for geeks, well, for nerds, well, for FUCKING IDIOTS !!
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2012/11/29/world/asia/china-north-korea-leader-is-sexiest-man-no-longer.xml
http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-named-the-onions-sexiest-man-alive-for,30379/
After reading the above summary of the so-called 'press release', I have a suspicion that unicorns are equal to the Devil/Two and a Half Men and/or witches. And that's coming from an anti-theist who doesn't believe in anything that is supernatural/biblical in nature. inb4 secret unicorn mayonnaise
captcha: receive
I raise Smurfs in my backyard!
They must use a different calendar there, where April 1 falls on December 1. That's the only explanation I can find for this.
For all intensive purposes, "whom" is no longer a word. That begs the question, "who cares"?
A few months ago North Korea's young new leader was seen on TV with Mickey Mouse. It was bizarre, and Disney had no part in it. The best theories I've heard suggest that he is trying to bring some hope and light into the lives of his people. I'm not sure if announcing that unicorns are real and that they're native to North Korea is the best way to do that, but that's probably what's going on here.
on Mars. Slashdot is trying to compete with The Onion it seems.
same news that said that kim shot 11 holes-in-one the first time he played golf
Well, China did have its own mythical unicorn called the qilin and when a series of Chinese fleets sailed to Africa in the 1400s and brought back giraffes and the Chinese had their qilin unicorns.
I said - don't look Ethel!..., but it was too late..., she'd already looked.
Of COURSE a relative of Ash would be the first to sequence Bigfoot's DNA. He's the very best like no one ever was!
Slashdot editors are likely from a country that teaches creationism at school.
See -- then believe.
North Korea is best Korea.
Does anyone know any viable way to emigrate to Korea? (And I don't mean south Korea)
Clearly, Kim Jong Un is a brony.
This was an accidental Onion reprint or something. The world is too strange sometimes.
who prays for Satan? Who in 18 centuries has had the humanity to pray for the 1 sinner that needed it most? ~Mark Twain
Could be more of the recent obviously paid Microsoft asrtoturfing here.
* Carthago Delenda Est *
Ever since Japan discovered NyanCat the North Koreans had to find something (anything) to escalate the coolness arms-race.
Visit CryptoGnome in his home.
Kim Jong-un has a 12 inch dick. News at 11
I heard some lawmakers in the United States are actively claiming that the world was created 6000 years ago by an old man with a beard, who later went on to bed a Jewish girl and spawn an offspring which ended up being nailed to a tree. Also, talking snakes, burning bushes, and splitting seas. no kidding!
This... this is akin to having Excalibur. Kim Jong Un has a freakin' UNICORN LAIR. No wonder he's in the lead for Man of the Year.
Look, no SIG!
this is the second front page news item about Koreans and unicorns "drink until you see unicorns" was and expression used in Korea me thinks codes are in play.
Is there any way I can get my hands on some of that North Korean Dope.
Apparently our shit is lacking.
You skeptics shit all over the important study of unicorns, ghosts and UFOs.
Supreme Leader: Hey there ladies, want to come back to my lair to see my "unicorn"? I can guarantee that you've never seen a more horny beast.
Visit CryptoGnome in his home.
That's why I never play golf with people that keep an SKS in their bag
Why, without your clothes, you're naked, Miss Dudley!
If so, then quick tell Richard Dawkins -- he is wrong Invisible Pink Unicorns really do exist!
I have a unicorn in my pants..
oh wait, just the horn...
Harrison's Postulate - "For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism"
it's obvously meant to be "Unicorn LIAR," since it's a story about Nut Korea.
if this is supposed to be a new economy, how come they still want my old fashioned money?
I'm starting a "retarded /. stories" list because shit like this is ruining /. and has got to stop.
- 'Unicorn Lair' In Pyongyang (stupid)
- 'Kidney For iPad' (tabloid fodder)
- Plastic Found on Mars (pwned)
- Earthshaking Discovery On Mars (fake)
Anyone have any other stories to add? At this rate I won't be surprised to read a story about My Little Pony on here soon.
Sent from my ENIAC
From the previous story: "South Koreans are by far the heaviest drinkers in Asia and the biggest consumers of spirits in the world, according to the World Health Organization." South Koreans, not the North ones!
Which is .... always.
The story doesn't tell you this but they actually found a live unicorn in the lair. The great leader ordered it stuffed with a goose in a turkey and ate the whole thing. That glutonous bastard.
Let me explain. They found a place identified as the Unicorn's Lair, and there exists historical documents which mention such a place.
This is similar to saying "We found the temple of the Aztec Sun God". All it means is they found a place that the Aztecs thought the Sun God lived in. They aren't saying they found the Sun God or even believe in the Sun God , just that there was a place mentioned in Aztec literature, and they found it.
This is typical for archaeological finds.
True story. But this is a story with a different tack.
You know how unicorns are pretty rare? Considering that, I had an ever rarer one. My unicorn was HORNLESS. But even further, my HORNLESS UNICORN was brown, not white. Obviously this wasn't any run of the mill unicorn. No siree, I had the rarest of all unicorns.
I never let anyone know, lest it get stolen from me. But the adventures we had. We would of had more, but he also couldn't fly, we had to go on foot everywhere.
Do any of you actually have any proof that unicorns never existed? I don't think so. This used to be a rational and scientific site. Now it's just a bunch of presumptuous derptards that think they know everything.
And before you dumb fucks start reply poking jabs at my character exclaiming that I must wish/dream/have a stake in that unicorns exist, that's not the point. Point is, maybe they did find some fossilized unicorn remains. Now would be a pretty amazing find.
You get a hard-on over the possibility of finding remains of life on Mars or some new bacteria in the Arctic, but you KNOW all mammals have been discovered.
Now maybe they'll find Merlin's cave and that blasted Dragon!
...
A buddy of mine discovered the only know fossil fragment of the Calvinosaurus. A dinosaur so immense it could eat an Ultrasaur in a single bite! Take that silly unicorn.
It's worth noting that Dr. Melba S. Ketchum is a DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine), not a PhD or even MD. Still, one could argue that that makes her uniquely qualified to work with Bigfoot--if you want your Bigfoot fixed. If you want reliable, reputable DNA analyses, another source might be better.
Just sayin'. :)
On the topic of North Korea I HIGHLY recommend Nothing to Envy by Barbara Demick. This book will show you just how horrible things are over there. It's a very well written book.
If video games influenced behavior the Pac Man generation would be eating pills and running away from their problems.
IO9's article about what the story's really about. First of all, a Kirin isn't really that much like a unicorn, though it is a mythical beast. But it's really about finding a site related to Tongmyng, ruler of an ancient kingdom in northern Korea, who was symbolized by the Kirin, kind of like calling somebody "The Dragon King" or whatever. There's some question about whether their announcement is more like "we found some cities from Troy / another Mayan pyramid / etc." type of history or more like "We found King Arthur's castle Camelot" sort of national mythology, which would certainly be the kind of thing you'd do when you've got a new Fearless Leader.
Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
I've seen better than this! There is a small opening in the ground in my backyard. It opens into a deep cave that I've wandered into. For the first hour and a half you need a flashlight, and its narrow in places and tight in others. But it gets warm down there, and after a while it opens up, dries, and then there is this eerie green/yellow glow everywhere. I started hearing what sounded like water flowing, and after pulling a few stones and boulders aside, I slid down a narrow tunnel into a wide open area. There was what looked like grass growing, and flying unicorns and giant mushrooms. I startled a few, and they took off, and they passed what looked like golden blobs --it was gold! They pooped gold! It was hell to bring the blobs back (but worth it). Did the North Koreans mention that their unicorns fly, or that they pooped gold? If they didn't, they I would doubt their story about unicorns.
I just read about the other new white meat today.
http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20100624/1334459952.shtml
His horn can pierce the sky!
Not like that nice, genuine American archaeologist who found the remains of Noah's ark, on which 2 of every species spent almost a year while the surface of the planet was covered in water.
All cultures have stories of different humanoids such as elves, dwarfs, etc (examine you nearest D&D PHB). Now we know that several species of humans lived at the same time. So the question becomes 'where did the idea of a unicorn originate?'. To suggest an answer, I notice that white elephants aren't white. They're a misnomer: Like theory doesn't mean a good guess (that's a hypothesis) and ambivalent doesn't mean indifferent.
Dr. Ketchum's research is a 5-year DNA study that is being submitted to peer-reviewed journals. You do a disservice to serious people studying the existence of sasquatch by associating them with claims about unicorns.
Unicorns are obviously not adapted to live in a lair
This perpetual motion machine Lisa made is a joke, it just keeps getting faster and faster. - Homer
Are we sure we did not fall for the Pyongyang's version of The Onion? Despite their lack of any sense of humor...
I don't think this this Korean stuff is much more stupid than 1/3rd of Texans believing Dino's and humans walked this planet together:
http://www.texastribune.org/texas-education/public-education/texans-dinosaurs-humans-walked-the-earth-at-same/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem delendam esse
Since we're talking about fantasy animals, is Dr. Melba S. Ketchum related to a certain Ash?
^topic
Hopefully they can clone the blood for inkjet printers.
bull... http://io9.com/5964879/no-the-north-korean-government-did-not-claim-it-found-evidence-of-unicorns