Slashdot Mirror
Valve and JJ Abrams Collaborating On Half-Life, Portal Movies
LordStormes writes "JJ Abrams, who apparently plans to direct every movie for the rest of time, is teaming with Gabe Newell and Valve to explore films for both the Half-Life and Portal franchises. 'Abrams and Newell made the surprise, succinct announcement at the end of their keynote speech, which took the form of a carefully rehearsed discussion between the two creatives about the strengths and weaknesses of games and movies as storytelling mediums. ... "Movies let you experience moments that you might not think are the point, but really are everything,” Abrams said, pointing to the early introduction of compressed air canisters in the opening scenes of the movie Jaws, which initially seem unimportant but prove consequential to the film’s ending. Newell pointed out that the “take your child to work” scene in Portal 2 accomplished the same thing, setting up important plot points in a way that made them initially seem like humorous throwaways.' No word on Half-Life 3, sadly..."
First of all, that is the stupidest fucking idea I have ever heard, even by dumbass Hollywood standards. The whole point of the Portal games was for YOU to solve puzzles in creative and fun ways. Making that into a passive experience renders the whole thing absolutely pointless. I would rather watch an Adam Sandler movie while eating shards of glass, with Lindsay Lohan's week-old panties wrapped under my nose.
Secondly, does JJ Abrams have blackmail photos of every studio head in Hollywood or something? Because the guy never struck me as particularly talented, certainly not enough to warrant letting him direct EVERY GODDAMNED MOVIE MADE FROM NOW ON. Not since Keanu Reeves has a less deserving motherfucker gotten so much.
What political party do you join when you don't like Bible-thumpers *or* hippies?
I haven't played Portal 2 yet, you insensitive clod!
Taking guns away from the 99% gives the 1% 100% of the power.
Is it going to be a silent film?
Valve needs to concentrade on releasing the next edition of the game, and stop working on a 1000 other projects on the sidelines.
-EL
Due to the way Slashdot works, I'll hijack this inane post's thread to get a foothold somewhere close to the top. Thanks, AC!
This will likely go down the road Doom did, unless Abrams can pull something similar to the movie Moon (2009), which I thougth was a very good one examining existential themes and maybe blend it with Pandorum which showed what happens after long-term isolation after, apparently, everyone else is either gone or mad (though, hopefully, it won't become lame horror).
If computers were people, I'd be a misanthrope.
Now we'll finally know how Episode 3 ends.
Bryan Cranston (Walter White from Breaking Bad), I'll totally watch that movie
This should dovetail nicely with Bryan Cranston's "Breaking Bad" time commitment wrapping up.
I nominate Bryan Cranston to play Gordon Freeman.
It will have to involve time travel in the plot, right?
The portal gun will end up malfunctioning at the end, delivering Chell to the Black Mesa laboratories, just before Gordon Freeman arrives?
The Dan Trachtenberg short film "Portal: No Escape" already proved (to a lot of people) that Portal would be a fun movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4drucg1A6Xk
How about Gabe Newell and Valve Collaborate on releasing Half Life 3?
Because movies based off of games have been awesome! You know like the Super Mario Bros movie...
Taxation is legalized theft, no more, no less.
http://i.imgur.com/zBNUgpf.jpg
In all its 2D glory.
They could have hired Micheal Bay to direct.
An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in bacon and cheese
Ive seen everything he has worked on both as a producer, writer and director and to be honest he is mediocre at best. He has never done anything really good or even above average. He is just a very mediocre film maker.
Personally he ruined the new star trek movie. He didnt make it a real star trek movie. He made a safe and dumbed down action flick for the family that had the star trek name on it and had people that looked similliar to the original cast. Im not a huge star trek fan but I have seen just about everything star trek and I enjoy it, but that movie was pathetic in comparrison. Even as a movie itself it was just a boring, generic and sterile summer block buster film.
Super8 was another failure. It had this really cool 80's adventure film with some kids kind of like goonies or whatnot but man it turned out to be boring as hell. Lost was interesting for a bit till I realized there was no mystery, it was just a load of nonsense that never had any intention of going anywhere. His writing credits include armageddeon and mission impossible 3 which were some of the worst movies of their time and again just mindless summer blockbusters that bored me to tears.
Im not one to really bash something I havent seen yet (or in this case even official) but I have absolutely no interested in the new star wars movie, the new star trek movie or this stuff. I wish he would hurry up and get this over with and he isnt the golden boy anymore so we can get someone in the hot seat that is maybe talented.
Half Life was one of my favourite games that I played but a movie out of it would probably not work.
Oh, I forgot. I'm still waiting for the cuts on my wrist to heal after having watched In the Name of the King
period.
I haven't thought of anything clever to put here, but then again most of you haven't either.
JJ Abrams can't write plot endings worth a damn, and Valve can't finish Half-Life 2 (at all). :-)
I'm in favor of this, not because I'd ever spend a dime to see a J. J. Abrams movie, but because it raises the possibility that I'll see a Half-Life 3 game in my lifetime.
Of course, having J. J. Abrams involved in the franchise increases the possibility that Half-Life 3 will suck, but that's a chance I'm willing to take at this point.
You are welcome on my lawn.
...will shoot lens flares instead.
and same goes for a portal movie. And for good reason, the lack of the character talking or making sounds makes the player feel as if they are Chell or Gordon. Games that feature character dialog make you feel more like a puppeteer. A movie cant capture that first person experience so they would have to avoid casting Gordon or Chell. My guess would be that any Valve based movie plot would be set in the HL or Portal universe and tell another heroes story.
A HL movie could be based on the Combine invasion of Earth bridging HL1 to HL2 (though it wouldn't have a happy ending) or telling another story set in another City 17 like Combine ruled dystopian city, maybe in the USA or another location. They can still take full advantage of the HL story, Combine enemy's and aliens while tying it in with events from the game. You will probably hear references to Black Mesa, Gordon Freeman Alyx and Dr Eli Vance, Kleiner etc. Maybe their actions of stirring up trouble in city 17 inspires other rebel groups to do the same in their respective prison cities. Plenty of opportunity.
Portal would be a bit more difficult as the game universe is limited to one lone character trapped in a high tech prison maze ran by a murderous AI. Basically a one-on-one story line. So the story would be a bit more tricky unless the plot is based on the period of time when GLaDOS went rouge and murdered the entire facility staff. Maybe a lone scientist or janitor escapes and they story is based on them. Portal 2 showed the final release of Chell, set far after the events of portal and HL2 so they could make a stereotypical "group of playing kids stumble upon danger" type plot. Maybe chronicle the rat man (I think that's the name), the person who wrote all the "cake is a lie" graffiti. Either way a Portal story would be tough.
Too Old.
Besides, he's not in the Abrams 'posse'
Gordon Freeman will be played by Zachary Quinto, obviously.
I thought I read Half Life 3 for a second!
actually not a bad choice
The guy who said the election was rigged won the presidency with the second-most votes.
DOTA 2, Half life 2, Portal 2, Team Fortress 2...... 3, The one game to rule them all.
In unrelated news, Hollywood has finally admitted that they actually only have one director for sci-fi movies; JJ Abrams will be directing all sci-fi movies from now on, so don't bother looking for further announcements for whether he is directing some future movie.
Instead of a Half-Life movie, how about a freakin Half-Life game!!!
I agree with MovieBob.
He's already got two of the biggest sci-fi franchises of all time. JJ Abrams missed the wonder and universal good will inherent in all other Star Trek movies, and turned it into a mediocre action flick. WTF were water pipes doing in the engineering room? It was stupid, existing only for a hardly humorous plot device. Transporting at Warp Speed, DESTROYING a tenet of the Star Trek Universe, simply because the movie wrote itself into a corner?! Spock and Uhura? It's Pon Farr 24/7 now? I mean damn, I'm surprised Spock didn't have a romantic interlude with his future self as some Abramsian loop hole in the mating rituals. RED MATTER?! What the hell is that crap? No explanation, it's a pointless mcguffin -- not even an ounce of pseudo-scientific techno-babble: In a ST movie that had multiple time travelers, not a word of tachyons.
No surprise that since Abrams demonstrated his ability to destroy planets he's got himself appointed master of the Death Stars as well. Must this be the era of samey sci-fi? Oh damn, the philistines will finally be right! "What movie are you watching?" "Who cares, it's science fiction, they're all basically the same."
You know what? Screw it. I'm done with franchise recycling. The movie could have been great if it had been in any other universe, why borrow existing playgrounds to stomp in? Is Hollywood really that hard up for ideas? I wasn't pleased when they mined comic books for plot and mindshare. I actually will watch movies with NEW characters. There's no reason to lobotomize and reprogram the old ones. May the gods not ever let Hollywood learn of series such as Steins;Gate, especially not JJ!
Jamie Somers vs. Alex 7000!
JJ Abrams directing more rehashed ideas than before - Burma-Shave
This makes me imagine a movie based on the world of Half-Life 2, inspired by Polanski's _The Pianist_: Gordon Freeman trudging alone through occupied lands, barely staying a step ahead of the Combine, with only occasional help from the resistance.
That probably doesn't have wide enough appeal, though. :P
It'll be a tag-team effort, each cut frame directed by different directors in rotation:
JJ Abrahms then Ewe Bol followed by Stephen Spielberg and then George Lucas. Over, and over again. It'll be like some kind of assisted suicide for theatre goers.
Task Mangler
I am curious to see how JJ Abrams makes a movie where the main character never utters a word.
In Soviet Russia, dot slashes YOU!
bastardized by Uwe Boll.
With Abrams, it might actually be good.
And the movie-going public, who movies are made for, agree with me. I look forward to the next one, in May.
Despite as much as both groups would like to think so, movies really are not made for art school flunkies or arm chair wannabe directors on /.
So you're from the "McDonald's is the best restaurant in the world" camp then?
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
Seriously, the main character never speaks. We need a Deus Ex movie!
Is the plural of medium really that obscure?
"Mediums" refers to people who talk to spirits. "Media" to methods of communication. Maybe the author has heard of "mass media", for example.
I'd go to see this movie if it has GladOS. I could listen to her lines for days. Innovative puzzles aside, her lines, and her deliverance of them made the game what it is.
Valve and JJ Abrams Collaborating On Half-Life, Portal...
*Deep inhale of excitement*
... movies
Damnit.
GLaDOS is already in the upcoming Pacific Rim. http://www.forbes.com/sites/insertcoin/2012/12/13/yes-that-actually-is-glados-in-the-pacific-rim-trailer/ Way looking forward to seeing that.
Look it up. You're supposed to already know this stuff.
So you're from the "McDonald's is the best restaurant in the world" camp then?
What part of "Billions and Billions served" didn't you understand?