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German Carpenter's Testicluar Valve Could Mean An On/Off Switch For Sperm
Press2ToContinue writes: A German carpenter has invented a valve which he claims will revolutionize contraception, by allowing a man to turn the flow of sperm from his testicles on and off at the flick of a switch. It (the switch, of course) is nearly an inch long and weighs less than a tenth of an ounce. It is surgically implanted on the vas deferens, the tube that carries sperm from the testicles, in a half-hour operation, and controlled by a switch beneath the skin of the scrotum.
So far Bimek is the only man who has the switches implanted, one for each testicle. I wonder what other switches we will see implanted into humans in the future? I think I'd like a valve for adrenaline control.
So far Bimek is the only man who has the switches implanted, one for each testicle. I wonder what other switches we will see implanted into humans in the future? I think I'd like a valve for adrenaline control.
>> A German carpenter has invented a valve that gets implanted in the most delicate part of your body via a surgical operation
Seems about right to me.
Never godda work. Women are the ones that NEED to worry.
It would look like this.
Add social network status posting and some promotional on two broke girls.
For women, it's more complicated.
If it weren't for deadlines, nothing would be late.
Control it from your iPhone and it posts the setting of the switch to your Facebook page. :)
If it's really that easy to operate, I'd be scared of switching it off by accident.
Could call it the bitch-switch.
I remember a report about this (or, more likely, something similar) many years (20+) ago. The Brits on the team called it the Stop Cock.
The switch is countersunk and flush to the surface. Sanded smooth and polished with 000 steal wool. How else would a carpenter make one?
Can you get these installed in your kids? It would bring new meaning to Parental Controls.
If you post as Anonymous Coward, don't expect a reply.
Recall my doctor telling me there would be residual viable sperm around for sometime after I was snipped. Pretty sure you can't just go flippedy flip on the switchety switch and not make a baby with your baby.
Yea, where I see the appeal of such a system, I'm thinking that there just might be some unintended side affects to watch out for.
Getting the snip the traditional way is a long accepted and relatively painless (Yes I know first hand) procedure. I understand that it's not easily reversed. However, having some system where the decision "to be or not to be" can be made at the drop of a hat might not be all it's cracked up to be. The issue of unintended "to be" settings being selected unbeknownst to the owner of said switch, or the fact that it literally takes a month or so of "not to be" settings before your status really changes might be lost on the casual user.
However, if you young guys wana give it the collage try, knock yourselves out.... But if you are really done having kids, I really recommend the traditional approach and forget the reversible part.
I got a vasectomy a few years ago and I was told that there were about 20 'loads' in storage past the vas deferens. So this is not something you can switch on Friday afternoon and expect to be sterile over the weekend.
... that it's not a good thing to be able to cum at the flip of a switch!
Just 'came' here to say this
http://www.acetonestudio.com
A permanent case of blue balls.
# Hitler has only got one ball /#
Goering has two but very small
Himmler has something similar
And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
It's called marriage.
They can use ACDC - Big Balls for the add Campaign.
Wonder when the iOS and Android apps will come to manage this via bluetooth? Perhaps women could get an implant that could be setup to turn off/on the valve based on certain criteria. For example, anytime I'm even near that region it shuts off, potentially sparing humanity of yet another illegitimate child. I say insert them in all young men to a certain age. Darn wish I had one of those many years back.
Others have mentioned the potential technical concerns (ie there may be sperm already past the switch, so reproduction cannot be simply turned on/off). My concern though is why someone would want to do this? Most people, so far as I know, if thy want to have an operation to block reproduction, want things to stay stopped. A vasectomy is fairly painless, works pretty well and is mostly used by people who do not want to have babies. Why would someone go through a similar operation knowing that, with the flick of a switch, they could be back to making babies?
Are there that many people who decide, "Whelp, I don't want to risk having kids! I'll get an operation." And then, a year or two later, think, "Wish I could flick a switch and make babies again?"
We already have reverse vasectomies for people who really want to change their minds and have more children.
Those switches are software controlled, and these days they're bypassed pretty thoroughly by feminist society before she hits puberty.
I work at a chemical manufacturing site. Do you have any idea how many millions of pounds of material are lost each year do to a manual valve that was not fully shut.
I am sorry babby, I guess when I got hit in the groin last week playing basketball, it must have opened the valve!
Or,
I closed it, I guess it didn't close all of the way!
Yeah, not so sure this is a good idea!
Time to buy a crib. Guess we forgot to throw the switch to "No Baby" mode!
Only date low tech women, otherwise you stand the chance of them hacking your switch to get the babies.
These switches are now mandated in fascist country X. Last names Wa-Wo have the switches off until June. Signal broadcasts from central tower to enable/disable switch. Signal isn't very strong and doesn't go through walls, which is why you can see so many naked men on their roofs on signal day. Tin foil becomes temporarily more precious than gold on the day where the "off" signal is sent.
Military personnel have sperm disabled for the duration of their service.
Malfunctioning switch, randomly zaps you, need to pack extra pants.
Once the Human Brain-Machine Interface tech matures, we will be able to have just-like-the-real-thing sex with virtual women and zero risk of pregnancy, as much as we want without having to pay the women (or buy dinner for them) since they aren't real.
Of course...a surgery that distributes neuron-interfacing machines throughout the gray matter of the brain is even more invasive than this one....but the potential benefits go way beyond the crazy sex.
I saw something like this at least thirty years ago, I think in "Life" magazine. It was a small golden valve meant to be implanted in the vas deferens. Since I have never heard anything else about it in the ensuing decades, until now, I suspect it did not work then, nor will it now. Too bad, it is an interesting concept and it would be nice to have a reliable but easily reversible contraceptive system for men.
Sperm linger in the canal past the point of the valve. It would probably require a couple weeks to allow the sperm to clear after turning the valve off to ensure this was 100% effective. Of course, the sperm count would be greatly reduced just by turning the valve off, but not to zero.
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
More scared of switching it ON by accident!
I've abandoned my search for truth; now I'm just looking for some useful delusions.
The last carpenter who tried this became quite famous...
Only if is the switch designed like one of those nuclear launch switches that comes in the off position by default, with the plastic bubble over it with a dual key system to access it.
And then you take both of the keys and throw them into an active volcano.
you would be switching on and off all the time. Say you don't want kids in the next 5 or 10 years.
From a male's perspective....
1) Sex is expensive. Either you are paying a prostitute, which is expensive, or you are dating a woman, which is expensive, or you are married, which is the most expensive (especially when the divorce bill comes around and basically wipes you out).
2) Sex is time-consuming. Include the time invested in managing one's appearance, finances, etc., in order to acquire a partner, and then further time cost of maintaining that partner. This is slightly less of a problem for prostitution, provided you live in an area where it is readily available and legal (which most don't).
3) Sex is dangerous. It spreads disease. It makes you vulnerable to charges (false or otherwise) of rape, which can be life-destroying. It risks pregnancy which (if unwanted) can be life-destroying. Prostitution is illegal in most places.
4) Sex never satisfies. Or rather, the satisfaction never lasts. No matter how much you get, you still want more.
5) Sex is gross (your opinion may vary, but the more you learn about biology the more disgusting it becomes).
6) Sex is not necessary. To overcome the desire, just masturbate. To overcome loneliness, hang out with friends. Plenty of research demonstrates that friendship cures loneliness whereas romance does not (and in fact can make it worse). Google it.
One does not need any puritanical/religious beliefs to see that it is in one's selfish best-interest to avoid sex altogether. The stigma associated with being single is gone. You can more fully self-actualize if you can free yourself from slavery to this instinct which serves the species at your expense.
No, I am not a gross hairy nerd who can't get laid, so skip the ad hominem fallacies and focus replies on the actual content of the post, thanks.
Just pull out. It works if you're not a retard.
Personally, I would like to see a hearing switch, to stop all noise at will.
Better if it's doesn't consist of turning a part of the brain or a nerve off only: I would like the ear's hearing mechanism to also stop working temporarily, to save hearing cells.
Noise cancelling headphones give me headaches; white noise works but leaves me deaf-er, both in the short term (very noticeable) and in the long term (loud-ish noise straight into my ears).
Tenth of an ounce? So thats about fifth of an half boiled but frozen chicken egg?
Wait... by off I meant switching the blocker off. I guess I meant on.
"I think I'd like a valve for adrenaline control." (a) no you wouldn't, it would be like cutting off half the internal regulation system which allows your body to work efficiently in sync with current and anticipated demands - literally, mission-critical regulation - and (b) the *experience* of adrenaline / arousal is generated by a separate system which distributes adrenaline around the brain - the adrenaline in your bloodstream comes from the adrenal gland and activates the tissues of the body, but the adrenaline in your brain is generated by a cluster of neurons called the locus coeruleus, and they secrete it directly onto the neurons. No way to shut that off except using drugs which block receptors (i.e. beta-blockers and related compounds).
In days of old, when knights were bold,
You are welcome on my lawn.
I don't see anything going wrong with this... Especially when there's a rocker switch in there.
Get a woman pregnant and you're financially responsible for her for the next 18.75 years. Notice I said 'her' and not 'your children' because that's where all the child support goes. It's a meal ticket for tens of millions of women who don't feel like supporting themselves in any way whatsoever. These women don't want to be housewives either, they'd rather just get knocked up, kick you out of your house and start collecting a check from you.
If this device isn't at least as effective as a condom in preventing pregnancy, it's worthless.
I'm waiting for the one with "Clap On/Clap Off"...lol
Or is it: Jerk-On Jerk-Off... The Jerker. BTW, what happens to your load when it's turned off? I'd hate to be in the wrong place and have an explosive depressurization if the switch failed.
Wow, that just brings a whole new meaning to that sudden panicked thought "wait...did I leave the faucet running?!?"
"I love animals! Some are cute, others are tasty, what's not to like?" - Betsy Schroeder, Jeopardy contestant
The main thing I learned in my endocrinology classes in dental school was this: hormones are nothing to screw around with. They affect so many different things and messing with them causes so many unintended consequences, it is best not to play around with them unless there is a medical reason to do so.
1. I think the default should be closed. That way having a baby would be a conscious choice. Very awesome.
2. How likely is it that someone could trip it either accidentally, or on purpose? No not all people would do this but some would and should be addressed.
3. Would it be logged (internally into a non editable log)? Seriously we can almost fit a terabyte in an sd card so why not just keep appending to a log with no editing?
4. Power source/failure rate? Simplicity is better. It does not need to go off and on all the time, just reliably. Given the refractory period this is not as huge an issue if the power source needs to "recharge" maybe an hour at minimum?
Does this guy know anything about biomaterials? Biocompatibility? Rheology? Multi-phase biofluids? Durability?
Probably the reason it hasn't been patented is that, in 40 years, no one so far has gotten one that works -- even people who are a little tiny bit more qualified than this guy.
This isn't rocket science. It's more difficult.
I really hope there's a good way to differentiate "on" vs "off"....
no.
Editors don't have a testiclue.
While sperm are supposed to be short-lived cells, I thought it took several weeks to empty the vas deferens of sperm. So this solution won't benefit the cheating husband. Which raises another issue; it's not practical to trust a stranger to provide invisible birth control. Women suffer greater consequences for ignoring birth control, so they are more likely to take responsibility. Women though, can choose to keep the pregnancy and to keep the baby: Men don't get that choice, they just get a bill for an unwanted baby. So there's incentive for men to get this, but not for women to trust it.
Something to block sperm from being discharged, and keep them all in the testicular area, causing tremendous discomfort and a huge urge to have sex even more frequently? And causes the immune system to attack and destroy sperm? Like a vasectomy only one you can disable or enable at will??? This is BRILLIANT!!!
Now you can turn off the torture and turn it back on any time you want!
You should always choose a carpenter for working with wood.
I wonder what other switches we will see implanted into humans in the future?
For the Baron's pleasure.
wouldn't "Ball Valve" be a more accurate plumbing pun?
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Herp a derp misogyny, AC
I had 2 kids with my ex wife who then nagged me into getting a vasectomy.
It's very easy, easier than going to the dentist for a filling in fact.
However I then started getting pain in my nuts.
You see they tie off your vas and the sperm has no where to go - think of the car chase scene in the Blue's Brothers with all the cop cars piling up on top of each other. That's your epididymis swelling up with all the sperm piling up.
This German inventor's idea doesn't solve this problem however it does allow you to switch back on if you do get congestive epididymitis.
After I split with her I had it reversed.
2 hours on the table and a couple of big black grape fruits the next morning.
3 months for the bruising to fade.
I timed it to be when I was writing my thesis for my masters. Plenty of quiet, sitting down working time.
I've now got 5 kids and no.6 due in March. Pisses my ex off no end.
I still, occasionally, get congestive epididymitis.
Interesting fact. Vasectomy is illegal in France. Smart country. ;)
The only positive was it raised my Testosterone level to somewhere near where it was when I was 16.
Going back to University for a year, single, sterile and horny as a teenager made for a very memorable time in my life.
As a war veteran of vasectomy my advice is this.
Leave your nuts alone to do what they are supposed to do!
It's taking away womens control over their own reproduction!
Ah, no thanks...
I can forsee future farces playing out in the courts.
Watch the video, it has a locking pin to prevent the flow being switched back on accidentally. Unlocking it requires a double action of depressing the pin and activating the switch.
The other day I went for a motorcycle ride.. I'm not sure if it is the case for all motorcycles, but on this motorcycle there is a switch that turns on a final 'reserve' tank so that you know you need to go pronto to get gas. Well I went for a motorcycle ride and I ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere. With great vigor I went to switch to my reserve tank only to find that it already WAS on the reserve tank.
And that, my friends, is why I would never want to have this procedure.
Laws are rules for the court, but merely a bottom bar to hit for life. Think beyond laws in your actions always.
Oof, sounds... painful. No need to see the video, I'll take your word for it. :p
Can I volunteer for this in the USA? If so how?!?! It's brilliant.
Where can I volunteer for this human research in the USA?
...would be a fascinating experience.
--I'm so big, my sig has its own sig.
-- See?
I like the beep idea. If the switch is on the (sperm) enabled setting, a gradually increasing warning tone.
Beep. Beep beep . Beepbeepbeep, beebeebeebeeeeeeeeeeeee.... (aaand I'm spent).
Oh noes!!! Words on the internet offended me!
Call the feminists to bitch more to fix this injustice!
Have gnu, will travel.
Something is wrong with you people!
She was like chocolate when she drank... semi-sweet at first and then increasingly bitter.
Maybe he should find a girlfriend that he actually finds attractive then...
How pathetic are men who can't wear condoms because they aren't sufficiently turned on, and confident with, their own girlfriends/wives.
Baby maker...ON! No OFF! I meant OFF!
Kirk: Set penises on stun.
to being "turned on"
or turned off of course.
Hmm... I wonder if the testicluar valve is nucular-powered?
Yo dawg I heard you liked contraceptives, so we put some contraceptives in your contraceptives so you could contracept your contraceptives ...