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Smart Mattress With Lover Detection System Will Track Your Partner's Infidelities (hothardware.com)
MojoKid quotes a report from HotHardware: Do you worry that your significant other is having mid-day romps in your bedroom while you're stuck at work banging out TPS reports? There's an app for that, and a smart mattress with built-in sensors to detect when between-the-sheet activities are taking place, with or without your participation. It's part of what a mattress company in Spain is calling its "lover detection system." You can't make this stuff up. Or maybe you can. You might seriously question whether or not the so-called Smarttress from Durmet is a real thing or an attempt at a viral marketing stunt. By all accounts, it certainly looks real. There are two dozen ultrasonic sensors embedded in the springs of the mattress. These tell-all sensors detect the speed and intensity of motion, how long the mattress has been active, and the history of encounters. That data is used to create a 3D map in real time, which you can view on your mobile device with an app for either iOS or Android devices.
Just Plain Creepy!
I bend your wife over the La-z-boy, I don't fuck her in your bed. But have fun wasting your money, and letting your wife know you're onto her when this mattress shows up!
Are there hordes of geeks wondering if the right hand knows what the left hand is doing behind its back?
You know there was a solution before that, they are called security cameras.
That still allows alimony and split assets...ANYTHING you can do to make your case to the judge that your significant other is a piece of shit that doesn't deserve anything makes sense.
Thai chick with a dick
Hard truth known, couldn't resist
Loved those bolt on tits
Harder to detect as any "lover" can get around this by sleeping on the couch.
This is one of the dumbest products I have ever heard of, assuming it is only used to catch lovers gone astray.
It's obvious to me that any one that would even consider this is already too far gone in how far they trust their significant other to remain a viable married couple.
File under 'M' for 'Manic ranting'
And just who is "TPS reports" ?
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
I am confused, because my watch says that it is the 18th.
How would you replace the old mattress with this new one without your wife knowing (and thus moving her trysts)?
"I don't know, therefore Aliens" Wafflebox1
"...But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows " L. Cohen, "Everybody Knows"
Someone clearly has unresolved trust issues....
"Honestly, honey, the kids were jumping on the bed."
Disconnect your television. Do your own research. Draw your own conclusions. They're probably lying. Don't be a sheep.
It seems like if you are resorting to something like this, you obviously do not trust your significant other. If there isn't trust, the relationship probably shouldn't (continue to) exist.
As long as it doesn't track mine..
Slashdot, fix the reply notifications... You won't get away with it...
Mod the box spring coils to harvest energy. Get a tax credit from the gov't. Wife thinks she's getting away with something by having lovers over. Laugh quietly to myself as I get paid.
Have gnu, will travel.
cheap motion activated mini camera hidden in a clock or other suitable spot. Ebay has them for US$10-20. Video quality may not be that great but it would be good enough for the task.
I wonder is this was originally developed for sleep tracking (monitoring the length and quality of your sleep), and they've just hit upon a more exciting marketing strategy.
Good luck explaining to your wife why there is an Ethernet cable running to the mattress, or (even if it's wifi) why there is a power cord running to the mattress and one of the devices on the home network is called "mattress". Planning for infidelity can be self-fulfilling.
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
Then you have serious issues with either your relationship with your lover, trust, or both.
I'm confused as to how this is relevant content for this site. Maybe if it was a glove instead of a mattress...
Monogamy is lame. Sex is good. Have more sex.
If I hadn't seen a similar link in Hackaday yesterday, I might be more receptive to this product.
To quote Peter Gabriel, "I'll tell you straight in the eye, D.I.Y."
I feel bad for people with such overwrought anxiety and jealousy that they think these extremes are necessary or a good idea. It's what happens when people know deep down that people mostly aren't monogamous, but aren't willing enough, or aware enough, to take the extra step and relieve their relationship from the burden of negative instincts and unrealistic expectations.
So you are craving about tax credit on energy? I think there is a better way to deal with taxes, so that everyone wins, guaranteed.
A meter on vagina, somewhat similar to the odometer, needs to be installed. There is a plan to tax cars per mile traveled. Beer and wine are taxed with the sin tax. There is no reason not to install a mater on vagina based on the movement. A very fair tax. Transparent and democratic.
1. Government gets much needed revenue. On Sundays, for example, meter would not be working, just like we do not pay for public parking on Sundays.
2. Meters would allow introduction of the real statistics. Currently most of the men complain that they pay too much and get too little. Women complain that they get too little appreciation and not enough dollars for a bang. Also current statistic on the average daily mileage is so crooked, that you cannot believe any of the numbers that you find on the internet. Meter would solve this issue for good.
3. Meters would bring responsibility and accountability. Currently men do not know what kind of mileage they are getting. If you buy a car, and the seller is tampering with the odometer, the seller is going to jail (if the buyer discovers). If women misrepresents real mileage, and they usually do, and the buyer is not happy and expresses frustration and anger, it is the buyer who will be arrested.
Win, win, win. 360 degree win to everyone.
This device will prove once and for all that 110010001000's dad is not who 110010001000 thinks he is.
Score:
AI : 10
110010001000 : 0
One more stupid IoT thing added to the list of things I will NEVER buy! All of this silly, stupid IoT crap is just an excuse for corporations to gather info about the owners of this silly crap! Info that will most likely be used against the owner's best interest!!
It was double coupon day.
Just stay single and avoid the drama of feminazism in your home?
The only people who would buy anything as asinine as this have already committed to a lifetime membership in the Forever Alone club.
Just get her a taser buttplug that goes off any time it recognizes a male voice.
They will be tracking you one day, collecting data on everything you do, and probably collecting vitals. Unfortunately, now is the time to enact privacy laws, but you will continue to loose the battle on a daily basis. It's a good thing that you were able to post your dog farting on facebook though.
When a girl's been rammed and I'm sure you've all seen this: The vagina stays open. What you may not know is, it stays that way for a long time. That's how you tell if you yourself weren't in there the day in question. Just lift her legs up, you'll see. In fact, try it even after you've done the job yourself. Hours later there's still a gap instead of a tight slit. Don't think women are stupid either. They get wind of you with a mattress like this, they'll stay off it when they cheat doing it elsewhere. They can change location but they can't change what's part of them and how it acts after sex. Every cheating woman on this forum will hate me for giving this secret away but that's why I'm posting it ac.
Now your wife can get one of these to discover your secret waifu... "No honey, the dakimakura is just some old thing I haven't gotten rid of yet. Honest!"
When your 2d and 3d lovers meet, the truth will set you free... probably from 3d.
(Note: This is a stupid comment. It's an even stupider product. If you feel like you have to distrust your partner enough to spy on them then invest the money in a relationship counselor instead - you need one.)
It is about an English versus Japanese clash of words:
A husband comes home and finds his wife making love with an asian.
The man shouts: "get down from her and 'go'!"
The Asian replies: "just a second I'm just about going!"
Cost free eBook I read (by iBook/Kobo/Amazon/ObookO/Gutenberg etc.): "The Green Odyssey" by Philip Jose Farmer.
In the age of fitbit, a mattress measuring "pounds per minute" is surely much more useful for sex optimization than detecting something so mundane as cheating.
That's how I'd market it anyway, and let people infer they could ALSO use it for monitoring if they really wanted to...
"There is more worth loving than we have strength to love." - Brian Jay Stanley
I'd need a tabbed ux interface that supported multiple partners.
Because you can't have sex on the sofa, on the floor - right next to the bed - or in the shower ...
It must have been something you assimilated. . . .
People wealthy enough to buy this generally spend a lot of money on getting a mattress that ideally matches their personal comfort interests. This Spanish company ought to be selling refits to existing mattress systems. That wire frame photo on the smartress site doesn't look like my favorite pocket coils.
"On the bed, on the floor
On a towel by the door
In the tub, in the car
Up against the mini-bar."
What happens if you don't actually use the bed?
Don't they say that "a mistress is something between a mister and a mattress"? ;)
Just cruising through this digital world at 33 1/3 rpm...
If I masturbate in my bed, will the app see a different activity pattern and thinks I'm cheating on my wife?
In todays new Globalist Paradise you don't need a matress with lover detection, all you need are the following:
1) A full time job, that pays at least $23 an hour
2) Consistent work at such job for at least 2 years without being laid off.
3) A Health Care Family plan.
If you have all 3, congratulations because if you are a man, you are not just a lover, you're the NEW BRAD PITT and in HIGH DEMAND.
Got Geometrodynamics? Awe, too hard to figure out? Too bad.
Obvious stunt. If you are jealous enough to consider this, you definitely do not want to see what's going on in detail. A simple yes/no would be more than enough.
Assorted stuff I do sometimes: Lemuria.org
What if children are playing on the mattress !!?
Coming soon: The smart kitchen table.
A cool gadget with an app? Must have it!!!
On the downside, I would now need to move out of the basement and get a partner....
Observing is easy. Observing without being observed is the hard part.
This is dumb. You don't even need a camera. Get something that records sound.
Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
Target market: helicopter parents who want to track their child's activities.
Just goes to show where Slashdot has gone. In the days where it still sported the logo "News for Nerds, Stuff that Matters" slashdotters would be quick to point out that this is neither news for nerds nor stuff that mattered.
I mean, what is a "significant other"? And what would such an object do in the mom's basement bedroom while you were at work?
Free, as in your money being freed from the confines of your account.
I look forward to the lovemaking guide espousing the correct motion (and rhythm) for great sex.
They're forgetting the habit of schoolgirls to fuck in their parents' bedroom.
Now, you can see if the extramarital partner (or the daughter and her parnter) has more staying power than you.
"lover detection system"
It'll be cheaper and less obvious to check the bank/VISA statements and put spyware on the partner's phone.
This might actually be useful for monitoring the sleep of a child, particularly one who has difficulty sleeping or bad dreams.
You get an alert _before_ your child starts screaming in the middle on the night.
The child wakes up from a nightmare to discover that mum or dad is right there to offer reassurance/cuddle/cup of milk.
At no point in Shaggy's famous song "Wasn't me" does he mention that infidelity occurred on the bed. Will this company also provide bathroom floor sensors?
What a terrible post. It doesn't even matter if it's real. "News for nerds". There is a thing called hidden camera that will avoid mistakes, give visual id of the lover and be admissible in court. This doesn't matter and is stupid.
"News for Nerds, Stuff that Mattress". There, fixed that for you.
does it support whitelisting?
Many people in Spain are now noticing their dinner tables have an odd mess on them.
Because nothing says 'I trust you darling' like a mattress which informs you if they're having sex on it behind your back. I mean, seriously, if she knows (and do the gender swap in your head if you need to), what's wrong with getting banged on the sofa, or up the stairs, or over the kitchen worktop?
John_Chalisque
If people can catch cheating partners we may need to develop the automatic, instant, violence response, device that cleans up the blood and mess when the partner returns home. Or maybe we could create a device that has automated, divorce, attorney, notifications.
This is a solution looking for a problem. A motion sensing camera would be a less expensive solution, and also capture anything happening in the room...it's not always done on the mattress, go figure. The mattress also isn't going to give you a clue as to who's ass you need to kick.
Just another day in Paradise
now ill know for sure if the damn dog goes on my bed when I'm not home.
I'm doing data analytics on disappointment.
Clearly. What's your point?
That I did not hit the F key hard enough. The first word should be "If". Thank you, Anonymous Coward. IF that isn't the issue, and IF you think you need to hire a private detective to spy on your spouse, your relationship is already in serious trouble and communication should be the starting point, not setting traps. Close relationships are about trust, this thing is about mistrust. Just sayin. Heck, if you're setting traps Better Call Saul.
It's clearly intended as an automatic checkout for a brothel. Just leave your credit card on file.
Star Trek transporters are just 3d printers.