The Truth About Windows 7
I am really getting tired of all this crap all over the internet about "Windows 7":
"Windows 7 Coming Out 2009"
"Windows 7 to Have Holographic 3D Interface"
"Windows 7 the Future of the Future!"
Vista sales are falling off because everybody is saying, "Keep XP until Windows 7".
THE TRUTH!
We have no idea what you people are talking about!
All we have time to work on at this point is trying to work on the supposed dificeincies in Vista! Wondows 7 only exist as a construct in the minds of a couple of the NtN's (Nasal-toned Nerds) in the Redmond Campus basement! Until you people start adopting, buying, loving and playing with Vista, I say: "NO Windows 7 FOR YOU!"
That is the only way this could have happened! Everybody knows that Vista is the fastest OS our there no matter what some stupid test after test say!
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
The "group" I played with got a little carried away and we killed a Milkman, that's when we decided to stop playing!
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
The Windows Vista CapAble Lawsuit! Whinners!
A few of you may have read the stories about several groups of whinny mormons attempting to initiate a class action lawsuit against us for deceptive advertising by allowing PC vendors to slap "Vista CapAble" stickers on crappy low-end PC's.
Let's just get the truth out here!
Vista was originally supposed to be released prior to the Christmas shopping season '06, but for reasons of our own we had to put off the release until '07 (for Vista this was the 17th and last time we changed the release date).
The PC vendors went wild, Mikey Dell fell to his knees before me and pleaded for help, "Half of our sales are during this quarter, people won't buy! They'll wait! Oh my God! Oh my God!"
I calmly got him up and said, "Really Mike! I'm not your God! But I do know what you mean, we have a plan! Buck up dude."
Still sniffling he whimpered, "Thank you God! What's you plan Bill?"
I Replied, "Stop calling me that!" I sat him down in MY chair and explained, "You guys can just slap a sticker on the low-end crap! Have it say 'Windows Vista CapAble', the half decent ones slap 'Premium Ready" on 'em!"
Sounding worried he stuttered, "those boat anchors won't run Vista".
I looked him straight in the eye, "I have the Nasal toned Nerds (NtN's) down in the basement stripping Vista down to Windows 95! We are gonna' call it Vista Home edition, we'll let them upgrade to that!", we both had a good little chuckle. I went over to him, grabbed a pen and paper and wrote - "CapAble"
I winked at him and said "get it?" He stared at it for a few seconds then smiled and slooowly said, "yeah, Cap Able!... able but with a cap!" He stood and high fived me, he screamed, "Jesus! You are slick!"... maybe I am, maybe I am!
The 'Ol OpenSource Trap!
The International Organization for Standardization votes again next week on wether or not to approve our Office Open XML document formats. My PI, Jack Stone informed me last week that the votes in favor will fall short of approval again! His report said that we were going to fail spectacularly agian, because most of the members of the board thought of Microsoft as (I quote:) an "Insular, self-obsessive, paranoid entity which cares nothing for standards or interoperability even amoung it's own applications!"
They simplly don't realise that getting OOXML approved as an international standard is the lynch-pin of my whole strategy to undermine the entire OpenSource movement!
Then the answer came to me!
"Just lie to them!"
That is what the big announcements were about today! I paraded out all of the Microsoft top brass and had them say that we are ready to work with the Free-freaks and OpenSource morons! The press is eating it up too!
"Microsoft finally learning to let 'X' talk to 'Y'"
"Microsoft to share information"
"Microsoft opens door to open-source software community "
"Microsoft Pledges To Open Up Software"
WOW! I'm a hero again!
How can they vote against me now? I have repented brother! This poor standards-sinner has seen the light! Halleuah!
As an unexpected side effect even those filthy, greasy-haired, garlic-smelling, bad-teethed, snail-eating EU judges who keep ruling against us are believing us! lol
HAWWWW GLORY! hehehehe
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
This is the "free software" crowd!
C'mon people! If it's any good at all they would charge for it! That is human nature!
The more it cost the better it is! Sheesh!
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Errant Reports of MS Bowing to Google! .:-(
For the life of me I have no idea where people get some of this stuff being passed off as tech-journalism today.
"Microsoft Changes Code to Accommodate Google" - What a bunch of BS!
We are nearing the release of Vista sp1 and as usual are doing hundreds of things to improve our flagship product, BUT, one thing we are not doing is changing even one line of code to accommodate that bloated crapware put out by Google! NEVER!
If those guys can't write apps that take full advantage of our state of the art OS, so be it! We are not responsible for their incompetence, period!
I am sooo angry right now that I have to stop and take another Valium ahead of schedule.
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Slashdot Mirror
The ZunePhone is what you want to wait for! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
The Truth About Windows 7 I am really getting tired of all this crap all over the internet about "Windows 7": "Windows 7 Coming Out 2009" "Windows 7 to Have Holographic 3D Interface" "Windows 7 the Future of the Future!" Vista sales are falling off because everybody is saying, "Keep XP until Windows 7". THE TRUTH! We have no idea what you people are talking about! All we have time to work on at this point is trying to work on the supposed dificeincies in Vista! Wondows 7 only exist as a construct in the minds of a couple of the NtN's (Nasal-toned Nerds) in the Redmond Campus basement! Until you people start adopting, buying, loving and playing with Vista, I say: "NO Windows 7 FOR YOU!"
They are tough to recharge, but when it does work it's pure "light up the night sky" fun! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
That is the only way this could have happened! Everybody knows that Vista is the fastest OS our there no matter what some stupid test after test say! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
MS has redefined quality and anything else does not matter! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Just wait for the real thing people! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Bit Torrent is the realm of phisher, thieves, stalkers, hackers and Mac users! Nothing good can come of it! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Sounds like a Mac user to me!
As long as it runs Vista it's a good laptop! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Any negative comments about Microsoft or it's products should also be added to the "filters" guys! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
The "group" I played with got a little carried away and we killed a Milkman, that's when we decided to stop playing! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
The Windows Vista CapAble Lawsuit! Whinners! A few of you may have read the stories about several groups of whinny mormons attempting to initiate a class action lawsuit against us for deceptive advertising by allowing PC vendors to slap "Vista CapAble" stickers on crappy low-end PC's. Let's just get the truth out here! Vista was originally supposed to be released prior to the Christmas shopping season '06, but for reasons of our own we had to put off the release until '07 (for Vista this was the 17th and last time we changed the release date). The PC vendors went wild, Mikey Dell fell to his knees before me and pleaded for help, "Half of our sales are during this quarter, people won't buy! They'll wait! Oh my God! Oh my God!" I calmly got him up and said, "Really Mike! I'm not your God! But I do know what you mean, we have a plan! Buck up dude." Still sniffling he whimpered, "Thank you God! What's you plan Bill?" I Replied, "Stop calling me that!" I sat him down in MY chair and explained, "You guys can just slap a sticker on the low-end crap! Have it say 'Windows Vista CapAble', the half decent ones slap 'Premium Ready" on 'em!" Sounding worried he stuttered, "those boat anchors won't run Vista". I looked him straight in the eye, "I have the Nasal toned Nerds (NtN's) down in the basement stripping Vista down to Windows 95! We are gonna' call it Vista Home edition, we'll let them upgrade to that!", we both had a good little chuckle. I went over to him, grabbed a pen and paper and wrote - "CapAble" I winked at him and said "get it?" He stared at it for a few seconds then smiled and slooowly said, "yeah, Cap Able! ... able but with a cap!" He stood and high fived me, he screamed, "Jesus! You are slick!" ... maybe I am, maybe I am!
You used the wrong tool people! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
The 'Ol OpenSource Trap! The International Organization for Standardization votes again next week on wether or not to approve our Office Open XML document formats. My PI, Jack Stone informed me last week that the votes in favor will fall short of approval again! His report said that we were going to fail spectacularly agian, because most of the members of the board thought of Microsoft as (I quote:) an "Insular, self-obsessive, paranoid entity which cares nothing for standards or interoperability even amoung it's own applications!" They simplly don't realise that getting OOXML approved as an international standard is the lynch-pin of my whole strategy to undermine the entire OpenSource movement! Then the answer came to me! "Just lie to them!" That is what the big announcements were about today! I paraded out all of the Microsoft top brass and had them say that we are ready to work with the Free-freaks and OpenSource morons! The press is eating it up too! "Microsoft finally learning to let 'X' talk to 'Y'" "Microsoft to share information" "Microsoft opens door to open-source software community " "Microsoft Pledges To Open Up Software" WOW! I'm a hero again! How can they vote against me now? I have repented brother! This poor standards-sinner has seen the light! Halleuah! As an unexpected side effect even those filthy, greasy-haired, garlic-smelling, bad-teethed, snail-eating EU judges who keep ruling against us are believing us! lol HAWWWW GLORY! hehehehe http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
I don't really understand any of this but I am commenting anyways, as I always do! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
This kind of stuff must be stopped! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
He is indeed an idiot! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
A whole new Microsoft! It will be renamed Ballmersoft and a whole new era will begin! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
But realistically it is not possible to control all of these crazy people in this ghetto they call the internet! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Nothing is pure! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Listening in is a violation of his rights! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
I was wondering where all these voices telling me to do evil things were coming from! ... http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Are you Al Gore? ... http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
This is the "free software" crowd! C'mon people! If it's any good at all they would charge for it! That is human nature! The more it cost the better it is! Sheesh! http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/
Errant Reports of MS Bowing to Google! . :-(
For the life of me I have no idea where people get some of this stuff being passed off as tech-journalism today.
"Microsoft Changes Code to Accommodate Google" - What a bunch of BS!
We are nearing the release of Vista sp1 and as usual are doing hundreds of things to improve our flagship product, BUT, one thing we are not doing is changing even one line of code to accommodate that bloated crapware put out by Google! NEVER!
If those guys can't write apps that take full advantage of our state of the art OS, so be it! We are not responsible for their incompetence, period!
I am sooo angry right now that I have to stop and take another Valium ahead of schedule.
http://fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com/