Go to Fry's. Get that one Canon scanner that just came out... the LiDE 30 or whatever it's called. It's 99 bucks and it's a USB-2.0 scanner and is so power-efficient that it runs off your USB cable. I schitt you not, man. The thing is barely 2 inches tall and will do up to 8.something by 11.something papers or whatever. It's really light, and really quiet so you could concievably carry it into a library, though I would use the "lock" at the bottom of the unit to lock the mechanism during transit. And hey, I have one of those old hand-scanners. It's a Logitech Scanman. I don't know what model number or whatever, but if someone's willing to pay me 10,000 bucks for it, I'll put it on eBay.
I think that all this will do is frustrate the average joe trying to make legit copies, as the various groups online distributing ISO's are sure to find a way to bypass yet this new technology.
Then, when you want to make a backup, get one of the ISO's off the 'net and use that as your backup. If you get caught, tell 'em you invoked your right to "fair use" and to make one (1) backup copy for archival use only. And get that one Bronco driver's lawyer--you'll get off the hook for sure.
Hey, this ain't no joke. One time, I had the house all to myself (I'm 32 and still live with my parents) when my folks went to Mammoth, and instead of bringing girls over, I played video games almost nonstop. Oh yeah, and I drank a LOT of alcohol. By the third day, I started shaking, feeling REALLY dizzy, and at some point, my left arm started to hurt--BADLY. I'm serious... I ain't making this up. So anyway, I was almost SURE I was going to have a heart attack, so I went to some restaurant and ate some stuff. I felt really sick for the next two days, and then I got over it. I now think it was caused by boozing too much without eating properly, and didn't have much to do with the video games.
(I'm not really 32 or living with my parents though. I made that part up. I'm actually 19 and I share a 10 room mansion with 20 really cute women.)
On a related note, I have a feeling that something that WILL materialize is Star Trek style transporter technology. Then, downloading and transferring stuff around the Internet will take on a whole new meaning.
For example, there will be enormous warehouses around the world that deal in raw materials. You could, for example, transfer a specified amount of hydrogen from one source and an amount of oxygen from another directly to a heating chamber where they will form droplets of water which can then be downloaded. Meals will be downloaded from the Internet, complete with dishes which will then be re-uploaded to be taken care of by the company (so you don't have to wash dishes).
People will also beam themselves around, over the Internet. There will be encryption and tunneling and stuff going on to protect your "image" and there will be transporter crackers who will specialize in intercepting people's transportation and turning them into frogs and stuff. So it will be dangerous to transport around. Then, just when you thought it was safe, it will also become possible, through cracking your server, to enter your property and stuff! How convenient!
Oh wait... I'm describing the future as if Microsoft is going to control this transporter technology.
Sing to the tune of "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf."
Verse 1:
Mi-cro-soft is a piece of shit, A piece of shit, A piece of shit, Mi-cro-soft is a piece of shit, La la la la la
Verse 2: Win-doze is a piece of shit, A piece of shit, A piece of shit, Win-doze is a piece of shit, La la la la la
Voiceover: I'll HUFF and I'll PUFF and I'll MAKE your computer crash!
This is because Microsoft does not worry about making their products work right. They have this enormous cash cow. All they have to do is make the graphics stupider, put more bugs in, and release it as the great new operating system that will save the day. And then the IDIOTS who use that piece of crap software wonder why bad stuff happens to their data.
LISTEN UP PEOPLE! There is an alternative! Or, more accurately, there ARE alternatives! PLURAL! All you have to do is get Linux or *BSD! Big successful companies like IBM and Apple are supporting these great systems! There is a TON of software out there for them! So yeah, you might not have all the whiz-bang UGLY *G*A*R*B*A*G*E* that comes with that piece of *G*A*R*B*A*G*E*, uh, what's it called? Oh yeah--WINDOWS. That piece of GARBAGE!!! Use free software. Make those evil people that make the garbage go out of business! That will bring joy and happiness to the world!!!
Ok, well maybe it ain't happening in the next two weeks. Ooooooooh well. It's nice to dream about it. TIME FOR ANOTHER BEER (as in free)!
Seriously. I hate it when companies put STUPID clauses in their license agreements. What happened to the good ol' days when you bought a piece of software for what it does, regardless of what you wanted to do with it? The next thing you know, we'll have legislation passed that forbids the use of a Craftsman tool in the making of a competing tool.
This is particularly devastating when you consider that every piece of technology this world knows is based on other technologies, other discoveries, and other things done by "the competition." The first hammer might have been a rock. That rock may have been used to form a better hammer. Do you see where I'm going with this? Before you know it, people build computers, rather than hammers, and the first computer operating system probably had to be entered with toggle switches on a panel. That operating system might have been used to make an operating system that was read in with punch cards. That may have been used to create yet another operating system that worked with magnetic tapes. And so on and so forth. An even better example of this is a compiler. If you want to make your own compiler, chances are that you will NEED to use your competition's compiler, at least until your own compiler can compile itself. If using your competition's products to make your own is not allowed, then the advancement of technology in the world will likely grind to a halt. (Because making your own compiler with toggle switches on a panel will put you right back at the beginning, from where it will take you a good 30 to 40 years to get to where we are right now.)
This looks like an interesting technology, but what about the security implications? Suppose in ten years, everybody carries around a tiny device--the futuristic counterpart to today's cellphones--which acts as a phone, voice recorder/MP3 player, PDA, digital still/video camera, electronic wallet, and even contains the digital keys to your house, car, and whatever. All you have to do is touch the doorknob to your house and it'll read the keys from your device and unlock automatically.
Now ask yourself this: What's to stop crackers from using a root-kit that operates through handshakes to steal information from your electronic device and then use that information to break into your stuff? Is this another one of those technologies that will become totally critical in our everyday lives, and that will also become a huge security problem?
This looks like good news for eBay, which has become quite an online marketplace, but a few small things bother me.
PayPal is a very convenient system for moving money around. It's easy to pay from your checking account or credit card, and as such, it gives normal people the ability to "accept" credit cards as a form of payment. But, will PayPal slowly evolve into something that's only used on eBay, or will it continue to be operated as a standalone system for doing just what it does right now?
What is very convenient about eBay is that you put a minimal amount of information into it to start an auction, and you can host a rather large amount of information on your own servers if you want. This gives you the ability to work with your buyers however you want, to simplify your logistics and make things efficient. Remember--there are some people who sell a LOT on eBay, and there are even companies whose sole purpose in life is to sell things that way. However, eBay has been implementing and increasing number of features in the past couple of years. Now, suddenly, they offer image hosting, with each image after the first costing some fee. And more recently, they have acquired PayPal, to support folks' payment requirements. My question is, will eBay remain the "open" system that it is today, giving you the choice of using whatever systems you want to get the job done, or will eBay become a closed system where auctions cost a lot more to place because you have to pay for every feature?
All in all, I think eBay is a really good system. I hope it stays that way, and doesn't turn to poop because some corporate jerk wants to be greedy.
This is exactly what the doctor ordered. As a matter of fact, if this doctor dude kicks that idiot VP's ass in this debate, that (in conjunction with that one congressdude's proposed bill) would bring us TWO steps closer to the destruction of this stupid, RETARDED DMCA.
If the FBI broke into their computer systems, then the FBI should be sentenced to spend time in the slammer, and these men should receive monetary compensation for the inconvenience.
Law documents suck. Why does everything need to be written in such a stupid way? For example, why does something need to read, "...blah blah blah any person, including but not limited to parents, spouse, children, blah blah blah or any other person." Why the "or any other person?" We've already said, "ANY PERSON," that means ANY person, right? No wonder any legalese document is such a page-turner.
This bothers me not because it looks and reads dumb, but for another reason: All those jackasses out there who write this legalese write it as if the legal documents need to handle every possible detail, including but not limited to details that are already handled by the document because it CLEARLY STATES that those details have been handled. Instead of saying, "This Agreement states that Client will not bitch and moan for any reason," and counting on the word "any" to mean what it says, legalese documents say, "Client will not bitch and moan for any reason, including but not limited to lack of support, unreliability, failure to deliver, failure to meet Client's expectations, failure to do this and failure to do that, or any other reason or legal theory." Well, if the word ANY doesn't mean ANY the first time, what makes it mean ANY the second time? In other words, if "for any reason" is not enough because it opens holes in the argument, then what good does the ANY OTHER REASON do at the end? It's like writing, "if (this) then { that; } else { ; }" There's nothing in that "else" because if we've established that ANY doesn't mean ANY, ANY doesn't mean jack. Which brings me to my next point. There are probably 10001 reasons to bitch and moan that are not listed in the "such as but not limited to" section. If ANY doesn't mean jack, then what good is it to list all those examples when a million others aren't listed? What, are you going to list every word in the dictionary in every possible order and combination just to be sure? What am I trying to say? Legalese is STUPID, and it's gotten that way because assholes kept using loopholes like that to their advantage, to screw someone over, and the courts failed to use common sense, thus letting the system degenerate into a piece of shit where a document governing the sale of cabbage must be 14,000 pages long.
Although this bill does not mean much to geeks and others who actually care about these matters, it nevertheless is a step in the right direction. Good job, Boucher.
The first way is the "easy way out" and will give you almost immediate results if you have a lot of skill: Locate a bunch of free software math, physics, graphics and database libraries and programs. Try to sift the quality ones from the flaky and crappy ones. Then, write your main program, basically hacking out all the necessary features and modifying all the code you've obtained to suit your needs. It'll probably be flaky at first, but after hunting down some big bugs, it'll be relatively stable. Just make the program BITCHEN by giving it the most innovative user interface in the world and giving it all the features people need, many of the ones they want, and few relatively unused and unimportant features. People will love it, and they'll start submitting patches. By the time you're at version 2 (about three to four years down the road), you'll have a development team and can start doing rewrites of certain sections. In 20 years, you will probably have the most awesome graphics package around, and you'll be setting standards. The risks here are that you may not make it stable enough, and people won't be interested.
The other way is to design and write everything from scratch. It is EXTREMELY difficult to raise a from-scratch piece of software so it actually works and is used by people. I'm out of time. Sorry. Gotta go.
Let me tell you something. Do you know what the most ANNOYING thing is about printers? When you need to print some important report for school or work after nearly doing an all-nighter, and when you come to print, the thing complains about there being no ink. So you have this old cartridge lying about that is still sealed in the package. But the printer refuses to take it because it has "expired." Well, let me tell you... I'd rather have a printed report with streaks all over the paper than have nothing at all. Especially since some rule of physics guarentees that when you need a printer cartridge in a hurry, there won't be any available, and you can spend a whole day looking for the damn thing. (Because nobody can answer your question over the phone.)
The following so-called "technologies" should be ILLEGAL forever:
Planned obsolescence.There was a story some time ago about some HP printer cartridges with an expiration date, because supposedly, the ink goes bad at some point or another. The printer will REFUSE to print once the expiration date has passed, making a 30 dollar cartridge into a waste of money. If HP wanted to protect the printer mechanisms or something, they could offer to exchange expired but unopened printer cartridges for new for the price of shipping and handling. But no, they go being all unethical.
Copy protection, digital rights management or whatever you want to call that so-called technology that just doesn't work. All it does is create headaches for the consumer and it brings us all closer to a world where Big Brother controls every person's actions.
Region encoding, so that a product won't work unless it's in a specific area, for no reason better than for some huge corporation to control the market.
Any other technology that basically cripples a product for the sole purpose of making the consumer buy more of something that should have and would have worked fine anyway.
I am glad that there's a bill to make it legal to copy movies and stuff. However, I think Congress should go and make all the encryption and region coding on the DVDs illegal, force the DVD player manufacturers to modify (at no charge to the consumer) any DVD player that has these features to remove them, and forcing DVD manufacturers to replace all discs (again, at no cost, not even postage) to ones that have none of the above disabilities. Oh well. It'll probably never happen. Oh well.
You have discovered a possible market for a low-priced product. Perhaps you could start your own certificate-signing company that charges, say, 10 cents a day ($36.50 a year) or 5 cents a day if you prepay for five years ($91.31) That's a pretty reasonable price.
This has got to be the STUPIDEST thing I have ever heard!
I'm not one to support Big Brother tactics, but I believe that every cellphone should have a chip that automatically detects when it's in a place like a theater or whatever, and when that happens, it should go into vibrate mode or something like that. Obviously, this should be a setting that the user can change or override because, like I said, Big Brother SUCKS! DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER!!!
Well, I got off the topic... Where was I? Oh yeah, this is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard BECAUSE it promotes and advocates those annoying pieces of SH|T ringing all over the place, when they should be quiet. There's nothing that pisses me off more than seeing some a$$hole in one of those UGLY BMW SUVs, the ugliest things on the road, by the way, holding a cell phone up to his ear. (By the way, SUV stands for STUPID, UGLY, VEHICLE)
This is most definitely a conspiracy. Microsoft and itself have basically bribed EVERYONE out there to avoid producing drivers for any system besides Windows. That's why it is extremely difficult and unlikely to find a bus driver for the Amiga operating system, or a truck driver for Mandrake, or a screw driver for OpenBSD.
What I recommend that you do, instead of trying to hook up with satellite, is get like 5,000 miles of fiber optic cabling at your local Radio Shack and run your own trunk across the desert or whatnot. You don't even have to put it underground. Just remember to duct tape it down when crossing sidewalks and roads and railroad tracks and whatnot, so pedestrians don't trip over your wire and rip the jack out of the wall or whatever.
There are life forms on EVERY planet. On Mars, it's under the surface of the planet. On the surface, there's nothing but sand and stuff to fool any would-be invaders, like people from Earth who would dissect all the martians if they existed and turn them into canned tuna or something.
There's also life on Neptune, but it's so far under the atmosphere that it cannot be detected by current technology. Yes, I know there is no surface on Neptune. It's all a big ball of gas. But the aliens over there are these things with really large wings and they fly around and eat each other. It's really scary over there.
Don't even ask about Jupiter. It's the Texas of all planets. Have you ever driven through Texas? That place is so damn BIG, and the ridiculous thing is that there is NOTHING to see. Anywhere. Well, Jupiter is kind of like that. The creatures on one side of the planet are so different from the creatures on the other side that they look like they're from totally different planets but in fact, they're from the same one. Each large group of aliens could travel for fifty lifetimes and never meet another group of aliens anywhere on the planet. And each insect over there is the size of a greyhound bus, because, like I said, Jupiter is the Texas of all the planets, and as such, EVERYTHING is big on Jupiter.
Slashdot Mirror
Go to Fry's. Get that one Canon scanner that just came out... the LiDE 30 or whatever it's called. It's 99 bucks and it's a USB-2.0 scanner and is so power-efficient that it runs off your USB cable. I schitt you not, man. The thing is barely 2 inches tall and will do up to 8.something by 11.something papers or whatever. It's really light, and really quiet so you could concievably carry it into a library, though I would use the "lock" at the bottom of the unit to lock the mechanism during transit. And hey, I have one of those old hand-scanners. It's a Logitech Scanman. I don't know what model number or whatever, but if someone's willing to pay me 10,000 bucks for it, I'll put it on eBay.
Then, when you want to make a backup, get one of the ISO's off the 'net and use that as your backup. If you get caught, tell 'em you invoked your right to "fair use" and to make one (1) backup copy for archival use only. And get that one Bronco driver's lawyer--you'll get off the hook for sure.
(I'm not really 32 or living with my parents though. I made that part up. I'm actually 19 and I share a 10 room mansion with 20 really cute women.)
On a related note, I have a feeling that something that WILL materialize is Star Trek style transporter technology. Then, downloading and transferring stuff around the Internet will take on a whole new meaning.
For example, there will be enormous warehouses around the world that deal in raw materials. You could, for example, transfer a specified amount of hydrogen from one source and an amount of oxygen from another directly to a heating chamber where they will form droplets of water which can then be downloaded. Meals will be downloaded from the Internet, complete with dishes which will then be re-uploaded to be taken care of by the company (so you don't have to wash dishes).
People will also beam themselves around, over the Internet. There will be encryption and tunneling and stuff going on to protect your "image" and there will be transporter crackers who will specialize in intercepting people's transportation and turning them into frogs and stuff. So it will be dangerous to transport around. Then, just when you thought it was safe, it will also become possible, through cracking your server, to enter your property and stuff! How convenient!
Oh wait... I'm describing the future as if Microsoft is going to control this transporter technology.
Verse 1:
Mi-cro-soft is a piece of shit,
A piece of shit,
A piece of shit,
Mi-cro-soft is a piece of shit,
La la la la la
Verse 2:
Win-doze is a piece of shit,
A piece of shit,
A piece of shit,
Win-doze is a piece of shit,
La la la la la
Voiceover:
I'll HUFF and I'll PUFF and I'll MAKE your computer crash!
This is because Microsoft does not worry about making their products work right. They have this enormous cash cow. All they have to do is make the graphics stupider, put more bugs in, and release it as the great new operating system that will save the day. And then the IDIOTS who use that piece of crap software wonder why bad stuff happens to their data.
LISTEN UP PEOPLE! There is an alternative! Or, more accurately, there ARE alternatives! PLURAL! All you have to do is get Linux or *BSD! Big successful companies like IBM and Apple are supporting these great systems! There is a TON of software out there for them! So yeah, you might not have all the whiz-bang UGLY *G*A*R*B*A*G*E* that comes with that piece of *G*A*R*B*A*G*E* , uh, what's it called? Oh yeah--WINDOWS. That piece of GARBAGE!!! Use free software. Make those evil people that make the garbage go out of business! That will bring joy and happiness to the world!!!
Ok, well maybe it ain't happening in the next two weeks. Ooooooooh well. It's nice to dream about it. TIME FOR ANOTHER BEER (as in free)!
he is stupid.
yeah right.
The next thing you know, people will run out of things to do and start casemodding their toasters.
Seriously. I hate it when companies put STUPID clauses in their license agreements. What happened to the good ol' days when you bought a piece of software for what it does, regardless of what you wanted to do with it? The next thing you know, we'll have legislation passed that forbids the use of a Craftsman tool in the making of a competing tool.
This is particularly devastating when you consider that every piece of technology this world knows is based on other technologies, other discoveries, and other things done by "the competition." The first hammer might have been a rock. That rock may have been used to form a better hammer. Do you see where I'm going with this? Before you know it, people build computers, rather than hammers, and the first computer operating system probably had to be entered with toggle switches on a panel. That operating system might have been used to make an operating system that was read in with punch cards. That may have been used to create yet another operating system that worked with magnetic tapes. And so on and so forth. An even better example of this is a compiler. If you want to make your own compiler, chances are that you will NEED to use your competition's compiler, at least until your own compiler can compile itself. If using your competition's products to make your own is not allowed, then the advancement of technology in the world will likely grind to a halt. (Because making your own compiler with toggle switches on a panel will put you right back at the beginning, from where it will take you a good 30 to 40 years to get to where we are right now.)
In other words, BitKeeper SUCKS!
Now ask yourself this: What's to stop crackers from using a root-kit that operates through handshakes to steal information from your electronic device and then use that information to break into your stuff? Is this another one of those technologies that will become totally critical in our everyday lives, and that will also become a huge security problem?
All in all, I think eBay is a really good system. I hope it stays that way, and doesn't turn to poop because some corporate jerk wants to be greedy.
This is exactly what the doctor ordered. As a matter of fact, if this doctor dude kicks that idiot VP's ass in this debate, that (in conjunction with that one congressdude's proposed bill) would bring us TWO steps closer to the destruction of this stupid, RETARDED DMCA.
If the FBI broke into their computer systems, then the FBI should be sentenced to spend time in the slammer, and these men should receive monetary compensation for the inconvenience.
This bothers me not because it looks and reads dumb, but for another reason: All those jackasses out there who write this legalese write it as if the legal documents need to handle every possible detail, including but not limited to details that are already handled by the document because it CLEARLY STATES that those details have been handled. Instead of saying, "This Agreement states that Client will not bitch and moan for any reason," and counting on the word "any" to mean what it says, legalese documents say, "Client will not bitch and moan for any reason, including but not limited to lack of support, unreliability, failure to deliver, failure to meet Client's expectations, failure to do this and failure to do that, or any other reason or legal theory." Well, if the word ANY doesn't mean ANY the first time, what makes it mean ANY the second time? In other words, if "for any reason" is not enough because it opens holes in the argument, then what good does the ANY OTHER REASON do at the end? It's like writing, "if (this) then { that; } else { ; }" There's nothing in that "else" because if we've established that ANY doesn't mean ANY, ANY doesn't mean jack. Which brings me to my next point. There are probably 10001 reasons to bitch and moan that are not listed in the "such as but not limited to" section. If ANY doesn't mean jack, then what good is it to list all those examples when a million others aren't listed? What, are you going to list every word in the dictionary in every possible order and combination just to be sure? What am I trying to say? Legalese is STUPID, and it's gotten that way because assholes kept using loopholes like that to their advantage, to screw someone over, and the courts failed to use common sense, thus letting the system degenerate into a piece of shit where a document governing the sale of cabbage must be 14,000 pages long.
Although this bill does not mean much to geeks and others who actually care about these matters, it nevertheless is a step in the right direction. Good job, Boucher.
The first way is the "easy way out" and will give you almost immediate results if you have a lot of skill: Locate a bunch of free software math, physics, graphics and database libraries and programs. Try to sift the quality ones from the flaky and crappy ones. Then, write your main program, basically hacking out all the necessary features and modifying all the code you've obtained to suit your needs. It'll probably be flaky at first, but after hunting down some big bugs, it'll be relatively stable. Just make the program BITCHEN by giving it the most innovative user interface in the world and giving it all the features people need, many of the ones they want, and few relatively unused and unimportant features. People will love it, and they'll start submitting patches. By the time you're at version 2 (about three to four years down the road), you'll have a development team and can start doing rewrites of certain sections. In 20 years, you will probably have the most awesome graphics package around, and you'll be setting standards. The risks here are that you may not make it stable enough, and people won't be interested.
The other way is to design and write everything from scratch. It is EXTREMELY difficult to raise a from-scratch piece of software so it actually works and is used by people. I'm out of time. Sorry. Gotta go.
Let me tell you something. Do you know what the most ANNOYING thing is about printers? When you need to print some important report for school or work after nearly doing an all-nighter, and when you come to print, the thing complains about there being no ink. So you have this old cartridge lying about that is still sealed in the package. But the printer refuses to take it because it has "expired." Well, let me tell you... I'd rather have a printed report with streaks all over the paper than have nothing at all. Especially since some rule of physics guarentees that when you need a printer cartridge in a hurry, there won't be any available, and you can spend a whole day looking for the damn thing. (Because nobody can answer your question over the phone.)
Oh, wait. We're already doing that.
I am glad that there's a bill to make it legal to copy movies and stuff. However, I think Congress should go and make all the encryption and region coding on the DVDs illegal, force the DVD player manufacturers to modify (at no charge to the consumer) any DVD player that has these features to remove them, and forcing DVD manufacturers to replace all discs (again, at no cost, not even postage) to ones that have none of the above disabilities. Oh well. It'll probably never happen. Oh well.
What I'd like to see is something like a 5-DVD set containing all of the Simpsons' cartoons.
You have discovered a possible market for a low-priced product. Perhaps you could start your own certificate-signing company that charges, say, 10 cents a day ($36.50 a year) or 5 cents a day if you prepay for five years ($91.31) That's a pretty reasonable price.
I'm not one to support Big Brother tactics, but I believe that every cellphone should have a chip that automatically detects when it's in a place like a theater or whatever, and when that happens, it should go into vibrate mode or something like that. Obviously, this should be a setting that the user can change or override because, like I said, Big Brother SUCKS! DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER!!!
Well, I got off the topic... Where was I? Oh yeah, this is the STUPIDEST thing I've ever heard BECAUSE it promotes and advocates those annoying pieces of SH|T ringing all over the place, when they should be quiet. There's nothing that pisses me off more than seeing some a$$hole in one of those UGLY BMW SUVs, the ugliest things on the road, by the way, holding a cell phone up to his ear. (By the way, SUV stands for STUPID, UGLY, VEHICLE)
What I recommend that you do, instead of trying to hook up with satellite, is get like 5,000 miles of fiber optic cabling at your local Radio Shack and run your own trunk across the desert or whatnot. You don't even have to put it underground. Just remember to duct tape it down when crossing sidewalks and roads and railroad tracks and whatnot, so pedestrians don't trip over your wire and rip the jack out of the wall or whatever.
Just my 3 cents. (Inflation.)
Once upon a time, the end.
You like that, eh? Well, there are many more where that one came from!
There are life forms on EVERY planet. On Mars, it's under the surface of the planet. On the surface, there's nothing but sand and stuff to fool any would-be invaders, like people from Earth who would dissect all the martians if they existed and turn them into canned tuna or something.
There's also life on Neptune, but it's so far under the atmosphere that it cannot be detected by current technology. Yes, I know there is no surface on Neptune. It's all a big ball of gas. But the aliens over there are these things with really large wings and they fly around and eat each other. It's really scary over there.
Don't even ask about Jupiter. It's the Texas of all planets. Have you ever driven through Texas? That place is so damn BIG, and the ridiculous thing is that there is NOTHING to see. Anywhere. Well, Jupiter is kind of like that. The creatures on one side of the planet are so different from the creatures on the other side that they look like they're from totally different planets but in fact, they're from the same one. Each large group of aliens could travel for fifty lifetimes and never meet another group of aliens anywhere on the planet. And each insect over there is the size of a greyhound bus, because, like I said, Jupiter is the Texas of all the planets, and as such, EVERYTHING is big on Jupiter.