Having such a severe case of Tourette's Syndrome must be a cause of severe embarassment for you, you poor poor man! It's difficult enough being an awkward teenager I'm sure, but this must only add to the stress. You know, it's very important for young men like yourself to socialize with the opposite sex, but I'm sure it's difficult when you're spouting obscenities at the targets of your affec...
Oh, WAIT... I understand. I'm sorry, but "I don't swing that way" to use the parlance of the day! I don't want to hurt you, but I honestly hadn't realized you were homosexual.
Some people just can't get a break. Don't worry, some day your prince will come (and maybe he'll have Tourette's as well!).
I understand you're doing your best, but I think most people would agree that this is a little, well, not relevant to the discussion at hand (Internet Taxing, you know).
Now I don't want to have to do this, but I may be forced to report you to CmdrTaco if you continue with the vulgarities! Not to mention I'll be speaking to the fine people at AOL about suspending your account!
Try to reply to other people comments instead of starting new threads.
Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said.
Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about.
Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page)
Your post voilates some of these simple tenets of Slashdot posting.
Now, agreed, these aren't RULES, and we're not all about kicking people off around here, but it would be considerate of you to examine these rules in a bit more detail. For example, one of the guidelines suggests avoiding redundant posting, which you didn't quite accomplish with this post. Don't be discouraged though, keep trying!
Also, not to be a "prude", but some people may find your post also distasteful and yes, even "inflammatory".
Let's all try to be good 'Netizens together now, shall we? It's our Internet, let's make it a nice place to be!
Memorize these definitions, and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
poop in peace.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential
TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log
hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location.
This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE
A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Telltale signs of a
CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid a CRACK
WHORE at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular
bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a
SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a
stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic and
embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen
police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the
urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other
poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again.
Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if
they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
HAVANA OMELET
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an
ASTAIRE.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine-gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic; remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET
POOPER before entering the bathroom.
POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT
OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that
occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until
the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye
contact.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended
lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED
makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait
to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as
the other bathroom attendees.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WAERMELON coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
Slashdot Mirror
They'll be history in less than a year anyway. Unless they suddenly shoot up to commanding an amazing 4% of the personal computer market.
I guess we missed one.
If you can have him e-mail his coordinates we can send the bombers back.
FOAD
I usually take mine with a Ding Dong in it.
I thought open source WAS an economic slump.
That would be a violation of the DMCA and you would go to jail where you would be anally violated by a large hairy black man.
I didn't know you lived anywhere near Malda.
When did this turn into "News for MBA's"?
You are not invited to my celebration, thank you very much!
Having such a severe case of Tourette's Syndrome must be a cause of severe embarassment for you, you poor poor man! It's difficult enough being an awkward teenager I'm sure, but this must only add to the stress. You know, it's very important for young men like yourself to socialize with the opposite sex, but I'm sure it's difficult when you're spouting obscenities at the targets of your affec...
Oh, WAIT... I understand. I'm sorry, but "I don't swing that way" to use the parlance of the day! I don't want to hurt you, but I honestly hadn't realized you were homosexual.
Some people just can't get a break. Don't worry, some day your prince will come (and maybe he'll have Tourette's as well!).
My goodness, you must be the life of the party!
Tsk, tsk, Mr. Potty mouth! Have you no shame? Or no vocabulary?
[Sigh]... I don't understand why you keep getting modded down! Oh, darn! Even your signed-in post!
I understand you're doing your best, but I think most people would agree that this is a little, well, not relevant to the discussion at hand (Internet Taxing, you know).
Now I don't want to have to do this, but I may be forced to report you to CmdrTaco if you continue with the vulgarities! Not to mention I'll be speaking to the fine people at AOL about suspending your account!
Important Stuff:
Your post voilates some of these simple tenets of Slashdot posting.
Now, agreed, these aren't RULES, and we're not all about kicking people off around here, but it would be considerate of you to examine these rules in a bit more detail. For example, one of the guidelines suggests avoiding redundant posting, which you didn't quite accomplish with this post. Don't be discouraged though, keep trying!
Also, not to be a "prude", but some people may find your post also distasteful and yes, even "inflammatory".
Let's all try to be good 'Netizens together now, shall we? It's our Internet, let's make it a nice place to be!
This post clearly should have enjoyed the +2 bonus as well! Your modesty is humbling.
What a fantastic use of a +2 posting bonus! Thank you for enlightening us all with your thoughtful post!
you sure do got a purty mouth
I invented pants. I regret it now.
How about props to all the dead *NIX OSes?
Memorize these definitions, and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.
If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can
poop in peace.
CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are
in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential
TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log
hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location.
This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE
A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Telltale signs of a
CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid a CRACK
WHORE at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular
bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a
SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a
stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic and
embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen
police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the
urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other
poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again.
Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if
they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
HAVANA OMELET
A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an
ASTAIRE.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine-gun pace. This is
usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do
not panic; remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to
spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine
under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET
POOPER before entering the bathroom.
POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off
without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT
OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will
reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force
the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that
occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until
the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye
contact.
UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended
lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED
makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait
to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as
the other bathroom attendees.
WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON
A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WAERMELON coming on, create a
diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
Try drinking some liquid nitrogen.
Cats are good with horseradish.
But I thought we were encouraging the little ass bandit to give up his day job and leave us the fuck alone.