You would be incredibly surprised by what the Americans are able to shittily build when they are at it. Avoid any product made in USA for your own safety.
Microsoft donated $20 million dollars worth of bloatwares, not of actual cash. Given the current situation, cheap gizmos are least of our concerns. Bill Gates should be thrown in jail for such a coward attempt at strengthening his monopoly.
(A customer enters a pet shop.) Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.) C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closing for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot
what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's
wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's
what's wrong with it! O
: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm
looking at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable bird,
the Norwegian Blue, isn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting
at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle
fish for you if you show...
(owner hits the cage) O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter.
Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.) C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian
Blues stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough
of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not
'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due
to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PINING for the FJORDS?!?!?!?What kind of talk is that?, look,
why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian Blue preferskeeping on it's back! Remarkable
bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when Igot
it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its
perch in the first place was that it had been NAILEDthere. (pause)
O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that
bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with
its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four
millionvolts through it! 'E's bleeding demised!
O: No no! 'E's pining!
C: 'E's not pining! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more!
He hasceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff!
Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to theperch
'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory!
'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e'sshuffled off 'is mortal
coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibile!! THIS
IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause) O: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek
behind the counter) O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop,
and uh, we're right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug. (pause) C: (sweet as sugar) Pray,does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to mybrother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll
replace the parrot for you.
C: Bolton, eh? Very well.
(The customer leaves. The customerenters the same pet shop. The
owner is putting on a false moustache.) C: This is Bolton, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it'sIpswitch.
C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for
you.
(The customer goes to the train station. He addresses a manstanding
behind a desk marked "Complaints".) C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
C: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because
I like being my own boss!
C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to
150 lines, you know.
C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found
myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Bolton.
C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!
A: Can't blame British Rail for that.
C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
(He does.) C: I understand this IS Bolton.
O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
C: You told me it was Ipswitch!
O:...It was a pun.
C: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same
backwards as forwards?
C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
O: Yeah, that's it!
C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be
"Notlob"!! It doesn't work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer
as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...
(takes
customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch
now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and
cameramen, leaving the owneralone on the set)
After being unable to prevent *3* commercial airplanes to crash into most important buildings in America, how in hell are they competent enough to figure who's responsible?
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd
say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
Congrats to FBI agents who dedicated tremendous efforts to hide a keylogger into my keyboard, since everything I type is publicly readable on Slashdot.
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
g g
o / \ \ / \ o
a| | \ | | a
t| `. | | : t
s` | | \| | s
e \ | / / \\\ -- \\ : e
x \ \/ --~~ ~--| \ | x
* \ \-~ ~-\ | *
g \ \.--------.__\| | g
o \ \_// ((> \ | o
a \ . C ) _ ((> | / a
t/\ | C )/ \ (> |/ t
s //\| C) | (> / \ s
e | ( C__)\__/// / / \ e
x | \ | \\__// (/ | x
* | \ \) `---- --' | *
g | \ \ / / | g
o | / | | \ | o
a | | / \ \ | a
t | / / | | \ |t
s | / / \/\/ | |s
e | / / | | | |e
x | | | | | |x
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
Slashdot Mirror
Linux? Don't you mean Stallman/GNU/Linux?
The hardware isn't even fast. My old 50 MHz SuperSPARC processor run snapyer than all the latest Intel GHz junk for fuck sake.
That 2.2GHz dildo will not exist til 2002. Hemos you're a stupid half-brained monkey.
"Quoting random paragraphs from the bible is an effective way to dodge the issue."
-- Outta my ass, but so true
Perl is for pussies, mmmmkay? Come back when your balls are untarred.
You would be incredibly surprised by what the Americans are able to shittily build when they are at it. Avoid any product made in USA for your own safety.
They would catch me for what exactly?
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MX@\`.\%RW7?7Z\^+](M<!HM4"K$,B\/3Z-/JL033XP-<!!
I doubt your Linux firewall will stand against Wolfenstein. Go get you some armored tanks and heavy bombers. Germans are fucking mad!
Microsoft donated $20 million dollars worth of bloatwares, not of actual cash. Given the current situation, cheap gizmos are least of our concerns. Bill Gates should be thrown in jail for such a coward attempt at strengthening his monopoly.
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(A customer enters a pet shop.) ...It was a pun.
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: We're closing for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! O
: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's resting! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...
(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was waking up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PINING for the FJORDS?!?!?!?What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian Blue preferskeeping on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when Igot it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILEDthere. (pause)
O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four millionvolts through it! 'E's bleeding demised!
O: No no! 'E's pining!
C: 'E's not pining! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He hasceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to theperch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e'sshuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!! (pause)
O: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: I got a slug. (pause)
C: (sweet as sugar) Pray,does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to mybrother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.
C: Bolton, eh? Very well.
(The customer leaves. The customerenters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.)
C: This is Bolton, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it'sIpswitch.
C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
(The customer goes to the train station. He addresses a manstanding behind a desk marked "Complaints".)
C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
C: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.
C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Bolton.
C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!
A: Can't blame British Rail for that.
C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
(He does.)
C: I understand this IS Bolton.
O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
C: You told me it was Ipswitch!
O:
C: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
O: Yeah, that's it!
C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It doesn't work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owneralone on the set)
The Red Cross are crooks. I would like to share my blood or money to innocent victims in desperate needs, not to some greedy fuckos in the Bahamas.
Anyone know of any alternatives?
The Red Cross are crooks. I would like to share my blood or money to innocent victims in desperate needs, not to some greedy fuckos in the Bahamas.
Anyone know of any alternatives?
After being unable to prevent *3* commercial airplanes to crash into most important buildings in America, how in hell are they competent enough to figure who's responsible?
CONGRATSMONKEY.SHITY CODEAT ITS FINEST.ROB MALDA YOUSUCK DONKEY ASS.OR IS ITJUST FAKESERVER PROBLEMSTO HAD SOMEDRAMATIC EFFECT TO THEINCIDENT?
Yes moma, everything on the boob tube is real. *stepping away slowly*
HIPHIPHOORAY!
ONELESSSHITSTAININ AMERICA
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
You would rather go to your Linus meeting, fine Mr. Simpson, clean out your cubicle on your way out.
Congrats to FBI agents who dedicated tremendous efforts to hide a keylogger into my keyboard, since everything I type is publicly readable on Slashdot.
aaaaaannnd.... Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Oh my God! There was this guy and he came over and he was like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Oh my God! i went over to my mom and she'd be like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
That's so funny. Cause i went home and i said, "Hey Dad, Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Oh my God! And then there was this guy and he goes, "Hey, i gotta knife" And i go, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i went up to a thug gangster and he was like, "Yo, motherFucker" "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i saw Ar-Two-Dee-Two on the street and he was like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Bleep!"
Yo, i saw this kid in a wheelchair going over a hill really fast "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i was watching a movie theater and this guy, he was like, "Oh, i got popcorn"
And i was like, "Oh my God... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
When you're a kid and ya wanna go, "Weee!" But you ain't got drugs yet... You hold out for your life. Hold on to your little gonads... and strife.
Gonads and Strife
Gonads and Strife
Gonads and Strife
Gonads in the lightning!
Gonads in the rain! "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i saw a squirrell run across the street and he didn't get hit by a car, so he was like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
_ _|\__/|
/ o `./
{o__, \ {
/ . . ) \
`-` '-' \ }
'---.~_ _ _|
What's the best thing about fucking a ten-year-old?
You can pretend she's five.
What's the best thing about fucking a five-year old?
When you hear her pelvis break.
What's the worst thing about fucking a five-year-old?
When she says she's had better.
And look at you today, fucko. You should have paid more attention at school. You will remain a loser all your life.
aaaaaannnd.... Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Oh my God! There was this guy and he came over and he was like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Oh my God! i went over to my mom and she'd be like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
That's so funny. Cause i went home and i said, "Hey Dad, Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Oh my God! And then there was this guy and he goes, "Hey, i gotta knife" And i go, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i went up to a thug gangster and he was like, "Yo, motherFucker" "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i saw Ar-Two-Dee-Two on the street and he was like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Bleep!"
Yo, i saw this kid in a wheelchair going over a hill really fast "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i was watching a movie theater and this guy, he was like, "Oh, i got popcorn"
And i was like, "Oh my God... Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
When you're a kid and ya wanna go, "Weee!" But you ain't got drugs yet... You hold out for your life. Hold on to your little gonads... and strife.
Gonads and Strife
Gonads and Strife
Gonads and Strife
Gonads in the lightning!
Gonads in the rain! "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Yo, i saw a squirrell run across the street and he didn't get hit by a car, so he was like, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
_ _|\__/|
/ o `./
{o__, \ {
/ . . ) \
`-` '-' \ }
'---.~_ _ _|
"uranium" is about huge anus.
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *g g
o / \ \ / \ o
a| | \ | | a
t| `. | | : t
s` | | \| | s
e \ | / / \\\ -- \\ : e
x \ \/ --~~ ~--| \ | x
* \ \-~ ~-\ | *
g \ \
o \ \_// ((> \ | o
a \ . C ) _ ((> | / a
t
s /
e | ( C__)\__/
x | \ | \\__// (/ | x
* | \ \) `---- --' | *
g | \ \ / / | g
o | / | | \ | o
a | | / \ \ | a
t | / / | | \ |t
s | / / \/\/ | |s
e | / / | | | |e
x | | | | | |x
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *