One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered VHS community when Variety confirmed that VHS market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all pre-recorded video sales. Coming close on the heels of a recent Variety survey which plainly states that VHS has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. VHS is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by falling dead last in the recent video rental test market.
You don't need to be Jack Valenti to predict VHS's future. The hand writing is on the wall: VHS faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for VHS because VHS is dying. Things are looking very bad for VHS. As many of us are already aware, VHS continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood at the hand of the Boston Strangler.
VHS is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its market share. The sudden and unpleasant departures from the market of long time videotape manufacturers BASF and TDK only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: VHS is dying.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
Videotape market leader BASF states that there are 7000 video titles released on VHS. How many users of VHS are there? Let's see. The number of VHS versus Betamax results on Google is roughly in ratio of 198 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/198 = 35 Betamax users.
Crap. That sorta puts my parody of this little troll all to hell, doesn't it. Not that it'll stop you from reading this all the way to the end.
But all major surveys show that VHS has steadily declined in market share. VHS is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If VHS is to survive at all it will be among obscure retro video format dabblers, like those weird motherfuckers who play around with CED (Capacitance Electronicc Disc) instead of something that could at least pretend to be sane, like Laserdisc. VHS continues to decay. Nothing short of a cockeyed miracle could save VHS from its fate at this point in time. For all practical purposes, VHS is dead.
> Woida points out another potential problem. If not carefully designed, the mirrors could focus harmful high-frequency radiation like gamma rays onto the surface.
Woida, if you've got a way to make mylar balloons capable of reflecting gamma rays onto a single focal point, there are some guys in the DoE and the DoD who would like to talk to you, and they pay way better than NASA.
A is for Adverts, and Goatse Guy's butt,
B is for Banners, what's my piece of the cut?
C is for C-Net, that page-whoring slut,
D is for Dickhead, by an ass and two nuts,
E is for Extra page views for the win,
F is for Flash, it's a whole 'nother sin,
G is for Google, do no evil (today!)
H is for Hackers, not crackers, OK?
I is for IM, "wut r u do now?"
J is for Javashit, shut it off now.
K is for Kids, 'cuz it's all for their sake,
L is for Legislators, all on the take.
M is for Microsoft, and masturbate meekly,
N is for Neologisms, which I invent weekly,
O is for Orange, with which nothing rhymes
P is for Pageviews, 26 fucking times?!
Q is for Question, WTF are you thinking?
R is for Readership, C-Net's lost a few drinking,
S is for Spammer, and spyware, and shit,
T is for Trash, Turd, and also twenty-six.
U is for Useless, the number of clicks,
V's for Vendettas on marketing pricks,
W is for Wizard, his robe and my hat,
X is for X-rated wizardly chat,
Y's what's starts "You", not the twenty-first letter,
Z is for Zero. (Shoulda wrote this poem better.)
> The CEA's primary concern is not consumers, but technology companies -- often large, multinational corporations which, like us, strive to make a profit...
(emphasis added by poster.)
You know the Democrats are in power when the RIAA line is that fair use has to be eliminated due to "large, multinational corporations", instead of "freeloaders" and "free riders".
I'll give Cary this much. He's smart enough to adjust the spin vector to best conform to the prejudices of whichever group of thugs happens to be in ascendance on the Hill. But then, that's what he's paid for.
> Maybe I'm getting old and slow, but was that supposed to mean something? Or was being unintelligible the whole point?
It was a direct translation of the original article from Oldspeak to Newspeak, and listed the directives issued by Minitrue that drove the events in the original article.
I, a loyal Party worker, didn't like the fact that the original article was written in Oldspeak, so I rewrote it in Newspeak. Translating back, we get:
Jamie, the poster of the article, doesn't like American Socialism ("Jamie unbellyfeel Amsoc"). I conclude this because he posted an article discussing things that didn't happen ("refs unhappenings"). He should be disappeared. ("Render unperson").
Bill Maher, an Oldthinker, was reporting, via CNN, about Mehlman being a homosexual - the Party does not approve of this disclosure. (The reporting was ungood because it referred to the sexcrimes of Mehlman. The sexcrimes, by definition, are ungood. Reporting of something ungood is also, by definition, ungood.) Therefore, CNN must remove Maher's comments ("rewrite fullwise", perhaps merely "rewrite" would have sufficed) and overwrite its archives with the altered video, backdating the changes so that nobody knows the ungood words were spoken. ("antefiling").
Further corrective action is necessary because Youtube, another Oldthinking website, has a copy of the clip that still refers ("refs") to the Maher/Mehlman comment which (now that CNN's censored its broadcast) never happened ("unhappenings").
Because the event never happened, Youtube is also guilty of misquoting Maher. ("malquote maher").
> > DMCA quickwise vidmove memhole.
The situation an be resolved by using the DMCA takedown provision to force Youtube to immediately ("quickwise") drop all copies of the video into the memory hole ("vidmove memhole").
The Party approves of the Washington Post ("plusgood duckspeakers Wapo") track record of rewriting stories ("rewrite fullwise"), submitting/uploading the changed stories to their web site ("upsub") with proper backdating ("antefiling").
No corrective action is required against the Washington Post, just a nod of approval in passing, as I translated the last sentence of the article.
The scariest thing about Newspeak is how easy it is to keep writing it after you've started.
Of course, there's no word in Newspeak for "scary", in the sense that I just used it -- but that's not a bug, it's a feature. It's more than a feature, it's a design goal.
> jamie writes > >On 'Larry King Live' Wednesday night, Bill Maher said many of 'the people who really run the underpinnings of the Republican Party are gay... Ken Mehlman, OK, there's one I think people have talked about. I don't think he's denied it.' When CNN re-aired the interview, the mention of Mehlman was edited out with no indication anything was missing. When a minute-long video of the original vs. censored clips was posted on YouTube, a DMCA takedown removed it (the original poster plans to resubmit a shorter clip he hopes will qualify as fair use -- good luck, since the DMCA doesn't recognize fair use). Relatedly, the Washington Post today was caught silently editing its published stories to make them less informative. Unnamed GOP officials are also saying that Mehlman will step down from his post when his term ends in January."
Ask a Polynesian cannibal why they called it long pig.
If there are no Polynesian cannibals in your area, ask a soldier or fireman what burning human flesh smells like.
We smell like pork when we're well-done. The robot got it absolutely right. And I, for one, would like to remind the robot that I'm absolutely delicious when served with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
> If only he would have resigned a few days ago (and Bush not said he was going to stick around to the end), the Republicans would have had a real chance.
I agree. Accepting Rummy's resignation would have been viewed as a political move by the extremists on both the Left and the Right - but none of those voters were going to change their minds anyway. As for the murky middle, it might have swayed the 0.1-0.2% needed to retain control of the Senate.
Then again, this campaign season was all kinds of fucked up. If John "stuck in Iraq" Kerry can campaign for the Republicans, then why can't Karl "issue a press release saying Rummy will serve until 2008" Rove swing things for the Democrats?
> Google bought out the CIA?! "Google CIA" doesn't seem right.
Explains a few things though.
Consider the whole Iraq/WMD thing. Maybe CIA punched in a few keywords into intel.google.com/beta/search?q=WMD+iraq and ignored the fact that it was still in Beta.
Of course with this administration, we're talking about a bunch of people who wouldn't have noticed that the beta of intel.google.com was launched alongside amd.google.com...
> I'd go as far to say that it is more ethical to distribute it. The information becomes widely known. Maybe someone will hack an election to make it very obviously hacked, thus forcing a re-vote with an honest, verifiable way to count votes.
And if they get away with it, honestly, is that really so bad?
DATELINE: January 27, 2009 - President Stallman and GNUHSEC announces arrest of Redmond, WA voting-machine hackers.
President Stallman today announced the disruption of a terrorist
plot, allegedly involving electoral fraud originating from a the terrorist organizations known as the Red Mond Alliance and the Darlings of McBride, both of which owe allegiance to a shadowy figure known only as the Monkey of the Thrown Chair.
"Let the elections of 2008 stand as a warning to all who would attempt to defraud the American public", warned Vice President Eric Raymond. "The GNUTIA (Gnu's Not Total Information Awareness) surveillance programme is fully operational, and GNUHSEC (Gnu's Not Homeland Security) agents will not tolerate any future incidents of voter fraud."
> What do yo mean you need to search for a laptop? >
You need to search where? >
That doesn't even make sense!
It does, for a USB thumbdrive.
~wavy lines, a bombed-out shack in post-Civil-War-II America~
This USB keychain I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather to hold pictures he took during the First Gulf War. It was bought in a Best Buy in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make USB thumbdrives. Up till then people just carried floppy disks that was read by magnets. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge on the day he set sail for Iraq. It was your great-grandfather's USB thumbdrive and he carried it everyday he was in that war.
When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the thumbdrive out of his pocket, put it an empty dresser drawer, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Ay-rabs once again. This time they called it The First Global War On Terror. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed -- along with the other Marines at the battle of Baghdad. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' the Green Zone alive. So three days before the Ay-rabs retook the Green Zone, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his USB thumbdrive. Three days later, your granddad was dead.
But Winocki kept his word. After the First Global War on Terror was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's USB thumbdrive. This thumbdrive.
This thumbdrive was in Daddy's pocket during the Second Civil War when he was flyin' to Canada. He was captured at the airport, which was a place that was sorta like bein' in a Halliburton prison camp. He knew if the TSA ever saw the thumbdrive it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that thumbdrive was your birthright. He'd be damned if any bureaucrats were gonna put their greasy hands on his boy's birthright.
So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long hours, he wore this thumbdrive up his ass. Then he died of a perforated colon, but before he did he gave me the thumbdrive. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of plastic and silicon up my ass two more hours. Then, after a total of seven hours in secondary inspection, I was sent on home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
> Does that mean by not looking at it it will cease to exist?
No, that's Windows Quantum Advantage: If Redmond observes that your copy of Windows Quantum is not Genuine, a hammer will break a vial of cyanide inside your PC, and your cat will die.
Quantum malware is what your dog installs to introduce sufficient uncertainty in Redmond's WQA check to ensure your cat's demise. (After all, when your cat's momentum is known to be precisely zero, it's gotta be somewhere around your PC.)
> From a purely technical standpoint, these 'children protection' things are total bullshit. I remember faking my age all the time before I was 13 to get around those acts.
DOS: No serial number required.
95/98/SE: To cut down on casual piracy, enter this serial number.
Win2K: Since that didn't work, it might phone home unless you ask nicely that it not phone home.
XP: Since that didn't work, it won't activate until you let it phone home. Don't worry, we won't nuke existing installations.
Vista: Since that didn't work, we'll nuke any box that stops phoning.
Or if we're talking copyright - witness the evolution of the NET Act ("It's a crime if you sell it"), the DMCA ("It's a crime if you crack DRM"), and the attempt to pass something harsher (SSSCA/CBDTPA) a few years later. (Look for another attempt after the elections, and/or something to mandate DRM into the hardware specifications, as Vista takes hold in the marketplace and is once again cracked...)
COPA was designed to ensure that under-12 kids could get Myspace pages, that under-18 kids can click "I'm over 18" to see b00bies, and that (not legally required, but I've seen it on many brewery/winery/distillery pages) under-21 people can click "I'm over 21" to read about booze.
After a few years, and after enough "horror stories" have appeared in the press about how 11-year-olds are being victimized on Myspace, 15-year-olds are seeing teh b00bies, and underage drinkers are able to read about beer, legislators will have a wide selection ready-made excuses to come up with some sort of "Real ID" or single-signon system for the Intertubes.
The courts only decide whether or not something's constitutional. Until they do so, it is constitutional. When the courts strike down COPA, it will be replaced by something even worse.
> In an email to GamePolitics, Thompson has responded to this request, writing, "You want to play hardball...? You want to try to throw me in jail? You have no idea what you are unleashing in doing this. You're at the brink..."
"You don't know the history of barratry! I do! You're just being glib!"
Since "jump the couch" is taken by Hollywood UFO-cultists, I hereby declare that Jack Thompson has officially "thrown the chair".
> He's lying! He's a paid Microsoft shill! There's no way that it's as good as he says! It must be rigged! It's probably the new iPod and he thought it was a MS product! He's brainwashed by the DRM! It doesn't run Linux! > >... am I forgetting anything?
The guy above me forgot to ask about.ogg support. BURN HIM!
> I don't think the GUI will be immediately useful, in fact, it might hurt productivity initially, since our users will need to learn how to navigate Vista to accomplish everyday tasks like file copying, etc
Silly user. File copying is evil! You're not supposed to look at files.
Win95/98: We won't show you directory paths or file extensions.
WinME: We won't even boot to DOS without a fight.
WinNT: Pay no attention to the 8.1 filenames. We're going to make sure everyone puts spaces in every path name, by calling it "Program Files"
Win2K:...and since some of you still didn't get the message last time, we're going to make everyone's home directory contain at least two spaces by calling it "Documents and Settings"
WinXP:...and don't even think of trying to remove Outlook or other files we want on your hard drive, even if you never use the application. By the way, it phones home, but we won't nuke your box if you don't let it phone home.
Vista:...by the way, when we said we wouldn't nuke your box if you didn't let it phone home, we meant we would nuke your box if you don't let it phone home. Don't worry, we won't install any user tracking software not authorized by the government, though.
> Research dollars are hard to come by, and unless Vista totally breaks standard Office suite PC/applications, it's just a matter of time before it will replace XP.
You've forgotten the lesson of Office 97.
Research dollars are hard to come by, and when it's confirmed that Vista totally breaks standard Office suite PC/applications, only then will it be only a matter of time until it will replace XP.
> > My Nipples Explode With Delight writes...
> >
And so, in the October of 2006 the great slashdot war of dirtiest-handle-on-the-frontpage was begun.
"And so, it begins..."
"The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the nipples to vote."
"Slashdot.org was our last, best hope for geeks. It failed. But, in the Year of the Handle War, it became something greater: our last, best hope... for my nipples. The year is 2006. The place: Nippylon 5." - Commander Susan Ivanova, whose nipples, I might add, are a lot better-looking than Commander Taco, who did this voice track last year. Ivanova is always right. Ivanova is God. And every time this post gets modded up, her nipples will explode with delight.
> An MMORPG set in the world of Shakespeare, where all the world's a stage?
...and all the players are idiots. Yep, that's about right.
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing." - Macbeth (V, v, 19), shortly after his wife unsubscribed and his guild fell apart.
Pretty much sums up every MMORPG to which I've ever subjected myself.
Slashdot Mirror
You don't need to be Jack Valenti to predict VHS's future. The hand writing is on the wall: VHS faces a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for VHS because VHS is dying. Things are looking very bad for VHS. As many of us are already aware, VHS continues to lose market share. Red ink flows like a river of blood at the hand of the Boston Strangler.
VHS is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its market share. The sudden and unpleasant departures from the market of long time videotape manufacturers BASF and TDK only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: VHS is dying.
Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.
Videotape market leader BASF states that there are 7000 video titles released on VHS. How many users of VHS are there? Let's see. The number of VHS versus Betamax results on Google is roughly in ratio of 198 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/198 = 35 Betamax users.
Crap. That sorta puts my parody of this little troll all to hell, doesn't it. Not that it'll stop you from reading this all the way to the end.
But all major surveys show that VHS has steadily declined in market share. VHS is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim. If VHS is to survive at all it will be among obscure retro video format dabblers, like those weird motherfuckers who play around with CED (Capacitance Electronicc Disc) instead of something that could at least pretend to be sane, like Laserdisc. VHS continues to decay. Nothing short of a cockeyed miracle could save VHS from its fate at this point in time. For all practical purposes, VHS is dead.
Fact: VHS is dying.
You mean, like amazon.br?
I remember when phones were used to talk to people.
(Git off my lawn!)
> Woida points out another potential problem. If not carefully designed, the mirrors could focus harmful high-frequency radiation like gamma rays onto the surface.
Woida, if you've got a way to make mylar balloons capable of reflecting gamma rays onto a single focal point, there are some guys in the DoE and the DoD who would like to talk to you, and they pay way better than NASA.
A is for Adverts, and Goatse Guy's butt,
B is for Banners, what's my piece of the cut?
C is for C-Net, that page-whoring slut,
D is for Dickhead, by an ass and two nuts,
E is for Extra page views for the win,
F is for Flash, it's a whole 'nother sin,
G is for Google, do no evil (today!)
H is for Hackers, not crackers, OK?
I is for IM, "wut r u do now?"
J is for Javashit, shut it off now.
K is for Kids, 'cuz it's all for their sake,
L is for Legislators, all on the take.
M is for Microsoft, and masturbate meekly,
N is for Neologisms, which I invent weekly,
O is for Orange, with which nothing rhymes
P is for Pageviews, 26 fucking times?!
Q is for Question, WTF are you thinking?
R is for Readership, C-Net's lost a few drinking,
S is for Spammer, and spyware, and shit,
T is for Trash, Turd, and also twenty-six.
U is for Useless, the number of clicks,
V's for Vendettas on marketing pricks,
W is for Wizard, his robe and my hat,
X is for X-rated wizardly chat,
Y's what's starts "You", not the twenty-first letter,
Z is for Zero. (Shoulda wrote this poem better.)
(emphasis added by poster.)
You know the Democrats are in power when the RIAA line is that fair use has to be eliminated due to "large, multinational corporations", instead of "freeloaders" and "free riders".
I'll give Cary this much. He's smart enough to adjust the spin vector to best conform to the prejudices of whichever group of thugs happens to be in ascendance on the Hill. But then, that's what he's paid for.
It was a direct translation of the original article from Oldspeak to Newspeak, and listed the directives issued by Minitrue that drove the events in the original article.
> > Slashdotter tackhead unbellyfeel oldspeak rewrite newspeak:
I, a loyal Party worker, didn't like the fact that the original article was written in Oldspeak, so I rewrote it in Newspeak. Translating back, we get:
> > Slashdotter jamie unbellyfeel Amsoc. refs unhappenings. Render unperson.
Jamie, the poster of the article, doesn't like American Socialism ("Jamie unbellyfeel Amsoc"). I conclude this because he posted an article discussing things that didn't happen ("refs unhappenings"). He should be disappeared. ("Render unperson").
> > Oldthinker Maher CNN reporting ungood refs sexcrimes Mehlman rewrite fullwise antefiling.
Bill Maher, an Oldthinker, was reporting, via CNN, about Mehlman being a homosexual - the Party does not approve of this disclosure. (The reporting was ungood because it referred to the sexcrimes of Mehlman. The sexcrimes, by definition, are ungood. Reporting of something ungood is also, by definition, ungood.) Therefore, CNN must remove Maher's comments ("rewrite fullwise", perhaps merely "rewrite" would have sufficed) and overwrite its archives with the altered video, backdating the changes so that nobody knows the ungood words were spoken. ("antefiling").
> > Oldthinker youtube refs unhappenings malquote maher.
Further corrective action is necessary because Youtube, another Oldthinking website, has a copy of the clip that still refers ("refs") to the Maher/Mehlman comment which (now that CNN's censored its broadcast) never happened ("unhappenings").
Because the event never happened, Youtube is also guilty of misquoting Maher. ("malquote maher").
> > DMCA quickwise vidmove memhole.
The situation an be resolved by using the DMCA takedown provision to force Youtube to immediately ("quickwise") drop all copies of the video into the memory hole ("vidmove memhole").
> > Plusgood duckspeakers Wapo rewrite fullwise upsub antefiling.
The Party approves of the Washington Post ("plusgood duckspeakers Wapo") track record of rewriting stories ("rewrite fullwise"), submitting/uploading the changed stories to their web site ("upsub") with proper backdating ("antefiling").
No corrective action is required against the Washington Post, just a nod of approval in passing, as I translated the last sentence of the article.
The scariest thing about Newspeak is how easy it is to keep writing it after you've started. Of course, there's no word in Newspeak for "scary", in the sense that I just used it -- but that's not a bug, it's a feature. It's more than a feature, it's a design goal.
(Plusgood duckspeak doublepluseasy antelearn Newspeak.)
>
>On 'Larry King Live' Wednesday night, Bill Maher said many of 'the people who really run the underpinnings of the Republican Party are gay... Ken Mehlman, OK, there's one I think people have talked about. I don't think he's denied it.' When CNN re-aired the interview, the mention of Mehlman was edited out with no indication anything was missing. When a minute-long video of the original vs. censored clips was posted on YouTube, a DMCA takedown removed it (the original poster plans to resubmit a shorter clip he hopes will qualify as fair use -- good luck, since the DMCA doesn't recognize fair use). Relatedly, the Washington Post today was caught silently editing its published stories to make them less informative. Unnamed GOP officials are also saying that Mehlman will step down from his post when his term ends in January."
Slashdotter tackhead unbellyfeel oldspeak rewrite newspeak:
Slashdotter jamie unbellyfeel Amsoc. refs unhappenings. Render unperson.
Oldthinker Maher CNN reporting ungood refs sexcrimes Mehlman rewrite fullwise antefiling. Oldthinker youtube refs unhappenings malquote maher. DMCA quickwise vidmove memhole. Plusgood duckspeakers Wapo rewrite fullwise upsub antefiling.
If there are no Polynesian cannibals in your area, ask a soldier or fireman what burning human flesh smells like.
We smell like pork when we're well-done. The robot got it absolutely right. And I, for one, would like to remind the robot that I'm absolutely delicious when served with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
I agree. Accepting Rummy's resignation would have been viewed as a political move by the extremists on both the Left and the Right - but none of those voters were going to change their minds anyway. As for the murky middle, it might have swayed the 0.1-0.2% needed to retain control of the Senate.
Then again, this campaign season was all kinds of fucked up. If John "stuck in Iraq" Kerry can campaign for the Republicans, then why can't Karl "issue a press release saying Rummy will serve until 2008" Rove swing things for the Democrats?
"Sorry, Don, you go to the polls with the voters you have. They're not the voters you might want or wish to have at a later time."
- Dubya
Flash = tyranny of the clueless.
I'm no fan of the ADA, but anything that puts Flash developers on the streets with signs saying "Will skip intros for food" is OK by me.
Explains a few things though.
Consider the whole Iraq/WMD thing. Maybe CIA punched in a few keywords into intel.google.com/beta/search?q=WMD+iraq and ignored the fact that it was still in Beta.
Of course with this administration, we're talking about a bunch of people who wouldn't have noticed that the beta of intel.google.com was launched alongside amd.google.com...
>
> It's not "censorship" it's "protection of the people from incorrect thoughts".
I can buy that. My country's lawyers say it's not torture unless there's major organ failure or death.
The USSR was the failed alpha release. The PRC is the live beta site.
Much like the guy who looks at your boarding pass, you're trusting your life to something that's just a goddamn piece of paper.
And if they get away with it, honestly, is that really so bad?
DATELINE: January 27, 2009 - President Stallman and GNUHSEC announces arrest of Redmond, WA voting-machine hackers.
President Stallman today announced the disruption of a terrorist plot, allegedly involving electoral fraud originating from a the terrorist organizations known as the Red Mond Alliance and the Darlings of McBride, both of which owe allegiance to a shadowy figure known only as the Monkey of the Thrown Chair.
"Let the elections of 2008 stand as a warning to all who would attempt to defraud the American public", warned Vice President Eric Raymond. "The GNUTIA (Gnu's Not Total Information Awareness) surveillance programme is fully operational, and GNUHSEC (Gnu's Not Homeland Security) agents will not tolerate any future incidents of voter fraud."
> You need to search where?
> That doesn't even make sense!
It does, for a USB thumbdrive.
~wavy lines, a bombed-out shack in post-Civil-War-II America~
This USB keychain I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather to hold pictures he took during the First Gulf War. It was bought in a Best Buy in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make USB thumbdrives. Up till then people just carried floppy disks that was read by magnets. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge on the day he set sail for Iraq. It was your great-grandfather's USB thumbdrive and he carried it everyday he was in that war.
When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the thumbdrive out of his pocket, put it an empty dresser drawer, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Ay-rabs once again. This time they called it The First Global War On Terror. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed -- along with the other Marines at the battle of Baghdad. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' the Green Zone alive. So three days before the Ay-rabs retook the Green Zone, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his USB thumbdrive. Three days later, your granddad was dead.
But Winocki kept his word. After the First Global War on Terror was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's USB thumbdrive. This thumbdrive.
This thumbdrive was in Daddy's pocket during the Second Civil War when he was flyin' to Canada. He was captured at the airport, which was a place that was sorta like bein' in a Halliburton prison camp. He knew if the TSA ever saw the thumbdrive it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that thumbdrive was your birthright. He'd be damned if any bureaucrats were gonna put their greasy hands on his boy's birthright.
So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long hours, he wore this thumbdrive up his ass. Then he died of a perforated colon, but before he did he gave me the thumbdrive. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of plastic and silicon up my ass two more hours. Then, after a total of seven hours in secondary inspection, I was sent on home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.
- With apologies to Tarantino
No, that's Windows Quantum Advantage: If Redmond observes that your copy of Windows Quantum is not Genuine, a hammer will break a vial of cyanide inside your PC, and your cat will die.
Quantum malware is what your dog installs to introduce sufficient uncertainty in Redmond's WQA check to ensure your cat's demise. (After all, when your cat's momentum is known to be precisely zero, it's gotta be somewhere around your PC.)
DOS: No serial number required.
95/98/SE: To cut down on casual piracy, enter this serial number.
Win2K: Since that didn't work, it might phone home unless you ask nicely that it not phone home.
XP: Since that didn't work, it won't activate until you let it phone home. Don't worry, we won't nuke existing installations.
Vista: Since that didn't work, we'll nuke any box that stops phoning.
Or if we're talking copyright - witness the evolution of the NET Act ("It's a crime if you sell it"), the DMCA ("It's a crime if you crack DRM"), and the attempt to pass something harsher (SSSCA/CBDTPA) a few years later. (Look for another attempt after the elections, and/or something to mandate DRM into the hardware specifications, as Vista takes hold in the marketplace and is once again cracked...)
COPA was designed to ensure that under-12 kids could get Myspace pages, that under-18 kids can click "I'm over 18" to see b00bies, and that (not legally required, but I've seen it on many brewery/winery/distillery pages) under-21 people can click "I'm over 21" to read about booze.
After a few years, and after enough "horror stories" have appeared in the press about how 11-year-olds are being victimized on Myspace, 15-year-olds are seeing teh b00bies, and underage drinkers are able to read about beer, legislators will have a wide selection ready-made excuses to come up with some sort of "Real ID" or single-signon system for the Intertubes.
The courts only decide whether or not something's constitutional. Until they do so, it is constitutional. When the courts strike down COPA, it will be replaced by something even worse.
"You don't know the history of barratry! I do! You're just being glib!"
Since "jump the couch" is taken by Hollywood UFO-cultists, I hereby declare that Jack Thompson has officially "thrown the chair".
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The guy above me forgot to ask about .ogg support. BURN HIM!
Silly user. File copying is evil! You're not supposed to look at files.
Win95/98: We won't show you directory paths or file extensions. ...and since some of you still didn't get the message last time, we're going to make everyone's home directory contain at least two spaces by calling it "Documents and Settings" ...and don't even think of trying to remove Outlook or other files we want on your hard drive, even if you never use the application. By the way, it phones home, but we won't nuke your box if you don't let it phone home. ...by the way, when we said we wouldn't nuke your box if you didn't let it phone home, we meant we would nuke your box if you don't let it phone home. Don't worry, we won't install any user tracking software not authorized by the government, though.
WinME: We won't even boot to DOS without a fight.
WinNT: Pay no attention to the 8.1 filenames. We're going to make sure everyone puts spaces in every path name, by calling it "Program Files"
Win2K:
WinXP:
Vista:
> Research dollars are hard to come by, and unless Vista totally breaks standard Office suite PC/applications, it's just a matter of time before it will replace XP.
You've forgotten the lesson of Office 97.
Research dollars are hard to come by, and when it's confirmed that Vista totally breaks standard Office suite PC/applications, only then will it be only a matter of time until it will replace XP.
Embrace. Extend. Extinguish.
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> And so, in the October of 2006 the great slashdot war of dirtiest-handle-on-the-frontpage was begun.
"And so, it begins..."
"The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the nipples to vote."
"Slashdot.org was our last, best hope for geeks. It failed. But, in the Year of the Handle War, it became something greater: our last, best hope... for my nipples. The year is 2006. The place: Nippylon 5." - Commander Susan Ivanova, whose nipples, I might add, are a lot better-looking than Commander Taco, who did this voice track last year. Ivanova is always right. Ivanova is God. And every time this post gets modded up, her nipples will explode with delight.
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
- Macbeth (V, v, 19), shortly after his wife unsubscribed and his guild fell apart.
Pretty much sums up every MMORPG to which I've ever subjected myself.
This is Slashdot. We're so far beyond the line we couldn't find the line even with very long baseline interferometry.