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User: Tackhead

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Comments · 6,382

  1. Re:Come on Mount St. Helens.... on 2005 Will Probably be Warmest on Record · · Score: 1
    > > Only something dramatic, such as a major volcanic eruption, could cause enough cooling to miss setting a new record.
    >
    > Come on Mount St. Helens, you can pull us out of this mess!

    But since we haven't developed the technology to trigger large volcanoes, we'll have to go with the next best thing!

    SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?

    ("Oh, it sounds like it misses him!")
    ("Yeah, weird, isn't it?")

    > How about Global Thermonuclear War?
    WOULDN'T YOU PREFER A GOOD GAME OF CHESS?

    > No, let's play Global Thermonuclear War.
    FINE.
    WHICH SIDE DO YOU WANT?

  2. Welcome to 1983, Europe. on EU Claims Internet Could Fall Apart Next Month · · Score: 4, Interesting
    Imminent Death of the 'Net Predicted!

    Film at 11. USENET cliche by 1989. EU resolution in 2006... 2017? 2038?

  3. Re:It must just be me on The Art of Particle Physics · · Score: 5, Funny
    > > But I don't see much difference in the representation of top and down quarks in the panels shown.
    >
    > Lucky you. I don't see a damn thing because Slashdot has destroyed another unlucky webserver.

    You're leaping to conclusions.

    I also don't see a damn thing, but from that I can conclude only that Slashdot has placed a webserver in a superposition of states between lucky-and-destroyed, lucky-and-not-destroyed, unlucky-and-destroyed, and unlucky-and-not-destroyed.

  4. Re:Hey... on Distant Planet Imaging Project Gets More Funding · · Score: 2, Funny
    > ...I can see my house from here! ;-)

    ...proving (much like the General and Special Theories of Disaster Area Tax Returns) that the whole fabric of the space-time continuum is not merely curved, but is in fact totally bent.

  5. Wet cave? on More Evidence For Hobbit Sized Species · · Score: 2, Funny
    > The discovery of a jaw bone, to be reported in Thursday's issue of the journal Nature, represents the ninth individual belonging to a group believed to have lived as recently as 12,000 years ago. The bones are in a wet cave on the island of Flores in the eastern limb of the Indonesian archipelago, near Australia.

    Thiss preciousss twelve thousands of yearses olds jawsbone... found in dark deep dripsy cave... thiss iss not ssomethings that's coming from tricksy hobbitses!

  6. But until the closing bell... on Real And Microsoft Close to Settlement · · Score: 5, Funny
    > Real is holding a conference call after the closing bell today to announce the details.

    But until the close of trading, the RNWK conference call says onlBuffering... buffering... buffering...

  7. Re:Idea.... on China's Internet Addiction Clinic · · Score: 1
    > > If anything China should embrace online addiction and create there own state sponsored MMORPG.
    >
    > They already have one. Problem is, it's not online, you only have one life, and you can't escape. It's called "Paranoia".

    Congratulations, Troubleshooter! You have been selected to help defend China Complex against the scourge of Internet Addiction! Internet Addiction is the process by which Capitalist Mutant Mystical Traitors infiltrate and subvert the glory that is China Complex!

    Trust the Central Committee! The Central Committee is your Friend!

  8. Careful what you ask for on Preview of New MSN Hotmail · · Score: 2, Funny
    > > > Oh, and also, a Microsoft coder bit my sister once...
    > > Microsoft coder bites can be very painful you know.
    > May I have your sisters' phone number?

    No, reeli! When she got bit, she was hacking her initials onto the Google front page from the sharpened end of an original clicky IBM keyboard given to her by Bill Gates - her brother-in-law - a Redmond software executive and star of many Microsoft products: "H0tmail Hands of a Redm0nd S0ftware Executive", "M0nkey B0ys of Passion", "The Neverending Devel0pers of Steve Ballmer".

    Are you still sure you want that phone number?

  9. Re:That's what happens when unqualified people.. on U.S. Cybersecurity Not So Secure? · · Score: 4, Funny
    > ... are given jobs because of their political affiliations.
    >
    > Yes, unqualified people performing serious jobs leads to nothing but problems.

    You miss the point. The purpose of cycling senior people through the bureaucracy isn't because the bureaucracy's ineffective, it's because it's the gateway to a consluting career with the bureaucracy. That's how the Aristocracy of Pull works, and it works the same way whether the Jackasses or the Elephants are in charge. (The only catch is that you can only pull fellow Jackasses (or Elephants) through the door -- and because your tribal totem isn't going to be in charge forever, whenever your gang's in charge, you're obliged to bring the maximum number of fellow gang members through the door as possible during your time in charge.)

    To recap:

    1) Cultivate enough pull to get a cushy appointment.
    2) As a courtesy to the last guy to hold your post, hire him as a conslutant at double his previous pay.
    3) Continue to ineffective -- preferably so ineffective that you have a good excuse to resign in "disgrace" within a year or so. This frees up the slot so your boss can reward another guy with pull.
    4) Get hired by the new guy at half the political liability to your friends, and at double the pay.
    5) PROFIT!

    The less effective the bureaucracy, the more people can be run through the revolving door during the course of a given administration, and the more taxpayer dollars can be looted in the process. And because pull is proportional to dollars looted, the system creates its own incentive. Launder, rinse, repeat.

  10. Tux: The Third Option on 2005 IgNobel Prize Awards · · Score: 3, Funny
    > FLUID DYNAMICS: Victor Benno Meyer-Rochow of International University Bremen, Germany and the University of Oulu , Finland; and Jozsef Gal of Loránd Eötvös University, Hungary, for using basic principles of physics to calculate the pressure that builds up inside a penguin, as detailed in their report "Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh -- Calculations on Avian Defaecation."

    Now, with penguins, (cuddly such), "contented" means it has either just gotten laid, or it's stuffed on herring. Take it from me, I'm an expert on penguins, those are really the only two options.

    - Linus Torvalds on the design of Tux

    No, Linus, apparently there was a third option.

    And now I'll never say "Ooh, what a cuddly penguin, I bet he is just stuffed with herring" the same way again.

  11. Yelled? on Why Microsoft Hates Blu-ray · · Score: 4, Funny
    > Apparently, Gates yelled at Sony's CEO

    What, it's not like he threw a chair at him while doing the Monkey Dance...

  12. Re:It places the lotion in the basket.... on IBM Drops Patent Counterclaims · · Score: 1
    > ...or it gets the hose again.

    It files the motion to put the source code for fsck.c in the basket!

  13. Re:Somebody set us up the Innobase. on Oracle Acquires Innobase · · Score: 0, Redundant
    > All your Innobase are belong to us. Or them. One of the two.
    (Ok, yeah, you can shoot me now.)


    Bugs: Do you want to shoot him now or wait till you get home?

    Daffy: SHOOT HIM NOW! SHOOT HIM NO_*BLAM*


    How are you gentlemen!

    Innobase are belong to us!

    A m00se is on the way to bite you.

    (What you say?)

    No realli! If you're karving your initals on the m00se
    with the sharpened end of an interspace t00thbrush given
    by Svenge - your brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star
    of many Norwegian m0vies: "The H0t Hands of an Oslo Dentist",
    "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge M0lars of Horst Nordfink",
    you have no time to survive, because m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti..."


    Bugs:

  14. CounterpointTheSurrealismOfTheUnderlyingMetaphor on Dissecting Songs Down to Their 'Musical Genome' · · Score: 5, Funny
    > When Mr. Coons describes a particular song, he uses phrases like the "complexity of the chromaticism" and "richness of the harmonic structure." He has studied the chord structure in Britney Spears"

    "Yes, do continue ..." invited the RIAA executive.

    "Oh ... and er ... interesting rhythmic devices too," continued Coons, "which seemed to counterpoint the ... er ... er ..." He floundered.

    Ford leaped to his rescue, hazarding "counterpoint the complexity of the underlying chromaticism of the ... er ..." He floundered too, but Coons was ready again.

    "... humanity of the ..."

    "RIAAnanity," Ford hissed at him.

    "Ah yes, RIAAnanity (sorry) of the singer's publicity-whored-out soul," Coons felt he was on a home stretch now, "which contrives through the richness of the harmonic structure to sublimate this, transcend that, and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other," (he was reaching a triumphant crescendo ...) "and one is left with a profound and vivid insight into ... into ... er ..." (... which suddenly gave out on him.) Ford leaped in with the coup de grace:

    "Into whatever it was the song was about!"

    The RIAA executive stood up.

    "No, well you're completely wrong," he said, "I just write top 40 music to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I'm going to throw you off the ship anyway. Guard! Take the prisoners to number three airlock and throw them out!"

    ...

    "...counterpoint the complexity of the underlying chromaticism..." He considered this for a moment, and then unplugged the iVog with a grim smile. "Death's too good for them," he said.

  15. Re:Come on on Internet Partitioning - Cogent vs Level 3? · · Score: 4, Funny
    > Why can't we all (Cogent and Level 3 included) just get along?

    The Internet's insecure enough without introducing race conditions into it.

    Besides, that's so 1990s. The 21st century equivalent is to yell "Tier 1 ISPs don't care about spam victims!"

  16. Garlic, the geek's friend. on Researchers Reconstruct 1918 Flu Virus · · Score: 4, Interesting
    > Not a cure, but... got garlic?
    >
    > One hundred forty-six volunteers were randomized to receive a placebo or an allicin-containing garlic supplement [ ... ] The active-treatment group had significantly fewer colds than the placebo group

    Ah, Garlic. Best vegetable ever. The antisocial geek's friend.

    I prefer my garlic the old-fashioned way. One head of garlic (peel, squeeze through garlic press or otherwise grind it into mush), raw, whipped into one stick (1/4 lb) of butter. Spread over bread (cheese optional), toast, eat. Throw a teaspoon or two into a bowl of piping hot pasta (and grate some real Parmigiana Reggiano over it, none of that powdered cheese in a can crap). As a side dish, slug down a glass or two of red wine.

    Take another head of garlic, peel it, and toss 3/4 of the cloves into a whole raw chicken. Slip the rest of the cloves between the skin and the meat. Roast tha mothaplucka. Good eatin' again.

    (Whenever you roast a chicken, just throw another head of garlic into the oven next to the chicken. When the chicken's done, squeeze the now-mushy cooked garlic into a small jar. Dip a hunk of fresh artisan bread into the garlic mush, and then into some extra virgin olive oil. Yet more good eatin'!)

    Some people think I eat too much garlic. Not true. Only once have I eaten so much garlic in a single sitting that I've been able to smell garlic on my farts for the next three days.

    People at the office tend to avoid me. In fact, if I eat enough of the stuff (see above), even people whose noses are stuffed up with the flu tend to avoid me.

    Haven't had a cold in two years. Funny how things works out. Must be the garlic.

    Damn, I love garlic.

  17. Two points... on Researchers Reconstruct 1918 Flu Virus · · Score: 4, Informative
    > They eliminated smallpox [who.int] from almost all laboratories a few years ago to make sure it could never be used again.

    "Almost" doesn't cut it. And if you think the former Soviet Union (and former United States) really eliminated their last reserves of the virus, you're seriously deluded.

    > Now they are reviving an old virus that was completely eradicated. This does not make sense, other than for the nobel-prize signs in the scientists eyes (which they should not get).

    The 1918 pandemic strain killed off the most vulnerable portion of the population three or four generations ago. Subsequently, mutations to that strain that were less virulent than the original appeared. These less-virulent strains didn't kill their hosts as quickly (and often, didn't kill the host at all!), and turned out to be better-adapted to their environment than the original. These less-virulent strains worked their way throughout the rest of the population. The world ended up with a not-so-bad version of the flu, and a relatively high resistance in the surviving population. All in all, a lousy environment for the original or the less-virulent strains to propagate.

    Don't worry about the 1918 flu getting out. First, it almost certainly won't. Second, if it does, it won't be nearly as bad as it was in 1918, largely due to the fact that anyone who was highly vulnerable to it had been ejected from the gene pool by 1920.

    > I could name hundreds of things that could go wrong, and will not even start wildly speculating what would happen if 5HN1 somehow mutates with this virus.

    Don't worry about an H5N1 recombination (or reassortment) with the 1918 flu. You'd need someone to be simultaneously infected with both viruses. The probability of that is vanishingly small. (As is the probability of the 1918 flu escaping and setting up a reservoir population in birds or pigs.)

    Worry about a human-to-human transmissible evolution of H5N1. If the strain currently fiddling around Jakarta is reproducing by means of human to human transmission, and if that strain is doing so via casual contact (to date, it appears that most cases from this cluster involve zoo visitors, their immediate families, and health care workers -- so we don't yet have confirmation of h2h transmission, let alone via casual contact), then worry.

    If a human-to-human transmissible of H5N1 shows up, and if it's as lethal to humans as the version currently floating around Asia, you're looking at somewhere between 100M and 300M dead before a weaker variant evolves.

  18. Fucking w4llh4x0r1ng c4mp!ng n00bz! on Army Eyes Anti-Sniper Robot · · Score: 5, Funny
    > Before the smoke of the shot clears away, the REDOWL robot should have the shooter in its sights.

    Getting pwn3d by a .50cal through a wall may not qualify as wallhacking, but still... aimbots vs. campers.

    War may never have been fun, but remember the good old days, when it was supposed to be? :)

  19. Freedom to Innovate! on Microsoft Invents A 'Play-Once Only' DVD · · Score: 4, Insightful
    > Microsoft has developed a cheap, disposable pre-recorded DVD disc that consumers can play only once.

    No, much like everything else out of Redmond, Microsoft has merely copied an innovation developed someone else, and called it their own innovation.

    They started out copying somewhat useful things, such as CP/M, a BASIC interpreter, on-the-fly disk compression, and web browsers.

    Now they're copying DIVX discs. Look on the bright side -- it's proof that they've run out of good ideas to copy.

  20. Re:reevers on Orson Scott Card Reviews Everything · · Score: 1
    > You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here.

    Ah. They're Klingons! Or they're like Evil Kirk and Bearded Spock from the Mirror Universe!

  21. Re:Actually on The GPL Impedes Linux More Than It Helps? · · Score: 3, Funny
    > The author admits that the headline was inadvertently applied from a post he intends to do tomorrow.

    Tomorrow's headline will be under GPLv3. Today's headline is still under GPLv2. It's OK to dupe today's headline tomorrow in order to get pageviews today, as GPLv2 headlines can be grandfathered in, and the revenues derived from the pageviews would be legit. But if he posted it tomorrow, he'd owe royalties to RMS - no, wait, nobody's supposed to owe royalties to anyone - but if he posted it tomorrow, I'm sure RMS would do something nasty to him! Maybe even start singing some of his poetry or something!

  22. Re:the bible-bashing is getting old... on The People Vs. Common Sense · · Score: 2, Interesting
    > Hmm. . . So Hitler and his followers weren't religious?

    The Party was very religious indeed, but their religion bore very little resemblance to any Judeo-Christian faith. It was sort of a mishmash of Eastern religions, ancient Germanic folk stories, with a little H.P. Lovecraft on the side.

    Don't confuse the religion(s) of the soldiers and citizens with the religion of the leadership. Neither WW1 nor WW2 were religious conflicts -- which is why I skipped war casualties from the scores of both Hitler and Stalin. Only the genocides, democides, and/or "accidental" famines that can be derived from the implementation of ideologically-motivated economic policy count.

    If the current war devolves into a war of attrition, then you may yet be proven right. Judaism, Christianity, and/or Islam will likely get into the seven digits, and maybe even eight digits, by the time this is over. The 21st century is still very young, and the 20th century gave all six billion of us some shining examples to work from. Scientists may stand on the shoulders of giants. Politicians stand on the bodies of pygmies. It's all the same.

  23. Re:the bible-bashing is getting old... on The People Vs. Common Sense · · Score: 2, Interesting
    > Have you not noticed the hundreds of thousands, if not millions killed due to religious hatred?

    Yeah, and have you not noticed, that's chump change.

    Glancing at the Scoreboard and filtering out people who didn't write or use much in the way of books...

    3) Adolf Hitler: ~15,000,000, author, Mein Kampf. His 15,000,000 score does not include ~10M German war casualties. (Perhaps he deserves a 25M score for the ~10M Allied war dead.)
    2) Josef Stalin: ~20,000,000, ostensibly inspired by Das Kapital. His 20M score also excludes his ~10M Russian war casualties. (And likewise, perhaps Stalin gets a few more million points for German war dead.)
    1) Mao Zedong: ~40,000,000, author, Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung, aka "The Little Red Book". Between famines and purges during the Great Leap Forward, damn near every one of these 40M points was scored from people following the ideology outlined in the book.

    According to (Possibly) The Twenty (or so) Worst Things People Have Done to Each Other, Mao wins the game, just barely edging out Genghis Khan.

    > The bible has inspired more deaths than any other book ever written and still does (ever heard of sectarian violence?).

    Readers of the Torah, Bible, and Koran have done some nasty things over the past 4000 years. But they're in the same ballpark as what readers of Mein Kampf, Das Kapital, and Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung have wrought. Hell, they're not even warming the bench.

  24. Entice. on States Push to Collect Online Sales Tax · · Score: 5, Funny
    > The states will also entice online retailers to collect state and local sales taxes by offering amnesty on taxes the retailers haven't collected in the years since the Internet retail boom began.

    A guy named Guido broke my leg last week. He said that if I paid this year's protection money, he wouldn't break it three more times for the last three years I've been in business. In other words, rather than threatening or extorting, Guido enticed me into paying my protection money.

    Entice. They keep using that word. I do not think that word means what they think it means.

  25. Re:With or Without a Warrant? on FCC Giving Veto Power to FBI Over VoIP? · · Score: 2, Funny
    > If its *with* a warrant, nothing new here..
    > If its *without* then we have a privacy/rights problem that needs to be taken to the supreme court.

    SING IT!

    She's my FBI!
    Tappin my phone, FCC's surprised,
    FCC make the VOIP lines die,
    Sweet FBI!

    But seriously, what do 80s hair metal bands have to do with it?