With all that youthful "can do" ambition, I'd peg your age at 16.
Maybe in a couple years you'll figure out that you're not quite as 1337-tough as your hormones tell you, and you'll understand why I gave you a heaping helping of poppycock to illustrate the flaws in your argument.
So what's all this talk about the "red" button? That's something about Cold War Russia, right? "Red". I'm clever. I watch FOXnews nightly. Ah well, push those Russian buttons, see if IConnection with host lost...
Most Americans cannot go one day without checking their postal mail!!
In fact, in a recent study conducted by Nugneant Industries, over 100% of Americans witnessed the sight of a motorcar! When asked if they could possibly live life for three days without looking at a motorcar, they were most likely to answer "no", or offer a sarcastic wisecrack in its stead! America is addicted to the sight of wheeled machinery!
Most Americans ANSWER THEIR TELEPHONE WHEN IT RINGS!!! I don't believe I need to expungate on the addictive dangers therein!
I think the conclusion is quite obvious - we're a people addicted to communication and transport! Hopefully a nice, well meaning New Age Liberal surgeon general will issue a proclomation about these events in the future! If only that open minded and charismatic Ronald Reagan was still in office - I'm sure he could convince those bad guys in blue to stop his part in the daily addiction of postal mail.
John Tesh is more a "bore until they calmly switch to the Latino hiphop station and blast away the doldrums" sort of torture. As the subject implies, I'm going for outright sonic warfare.
Though the Barney theme will do nicely. On repeat. chmodded +rh, for maximum effect.
Great! I'm loading mine with Barbera Striesland outtakes, Yoko Ono, Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music, Melt Banana, Whitney Houston, some Pia Zadora, and as much Tiny Tim as I can find! Then I'm taking over the highways and freeways like Max before me!
I can imagine other drivers ceeding the right of way as they scramble at their dials to disable "auto download" whenever I get near. Or even better, I'll take a small boombox and crank ghetto rap, Phish Bootlegs, rare techno remixes, and other stuff to get noticed. THEN they get -Kazaa! - SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWO ULDN'TITBELOOOOOOOOVERLYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEA IEAIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
About time guerilla warfare techniques had application on the open road.
Oh boy, yet another outlet for already-celebrities to get noticed. Boy oh boy, because, you know, not enough people know that Margret Cho is a fat, bitter lesbian asian-american with, you know, problems. And her take on things is really cool. Like that time when she saw that one homosexual and called him a silly fag, and then ended up eating a ham (or a tofu ham, sorry, I should probably read her blog to find out if she's vegan or not), while flashing back over how she was discriminated growing up.
Okay, seriously, a lot of these people are pretty cool and say things that aren't outright lies. But does the world really need another portal? Why does Andy Baio merit an "A" while "THE" Isabella Wunder only get a "C"? Because some goon somewhere says so?
It's like reducing the art of movie criticism to Beavis and Butthead. "Citizen Kane - 6T's! Awesome!" "Casablanca - B6(j7)! It's neat!" "Spellbound - 23.3! I didn't get that one scene!" Except without even the comments.
With "indie" being all the trend, you'd figure (well, if human thought / capacity for getting stuff off the ground was anywhere near ideal) that there'd be a few more "indie" websites. Remember mp3.com? Now THAT was what the internet should be all about.
Evidently we'd rather just know what everyone else is reading, and want it from more than just google and Alexa.
"FAIR AND SPEEDY". An irrelevant/. tangent in one-act script form.
[SCENE. A pale off white police cell. Nothing terribly frightening about the place, unless one's an interior decorater, or has primarily been spending time in facilities built after the Red Scare (1950s for those of you not buff on retro-current events). WHATAMIDOINGHERE, a male in his early-middle 20s, sits in a chair. He takes on a very political, positive, business demeanor as the GOVERNMENT TEAM enters.
The GOVERNMENT TEAM consists of four men: LAWYER WHO DOES ALL THE TALKING, GOOD COP, BAD COP, and WEIRD QUIET FUNNY DUDE TAKING NOTES AND LOOKING AROUND WHILE THINKING ABOUT THE UPCOMING YANKEES GAME (for independant productions, WEIRD QUIET FUNNY DUDE can be replaced by INTERN or TENURED MIDDLE SUPERVISOR, as they both serve the same non-function). They look like people. Speak English too.]
GOVERNMENT TEAM: [all lines spoken by the LAWYER, but BAD COP continiously nods, as if agreeing. GOOD COP takes a seat after introducing himself in lines deemed "irrelevant to the central tangent at hand". WEIRD QUIET DUDE is weird and quiet. Perhaps he's staff at the police station and not directly part of the government team in any way]
So, we hear you forgot your password to your computer. And here we were trying to prosecute you for <some crime that by now is irrelevant>. Hey, that's okay, it happens to us all the time. Heh, Paul here [gestures to GOOD COP] forgot the password to his department's main network! Oh, those were some wacky times.
But let's get serious. We got this guy in the Vice President's chair. Boy oh boy is he squirming scared. Thinks the terrorists are out to get him. These next three years are going to feel like decades to the poor man.
You? Oh, we'll definitely get around to looking into that "fair, speedy" trial of yours. In a couple years. In the meantime, please sit peacefully in this cell and try not to upset that group of anti-social hulking possible-sociopaths waiting for their fair and speedy trial on tresspassing, breaking and entering, loitering, and physical threats made to an officer of the law. And don't worry about your job / friendships / family, we're sure you have vacation time, your friends won't grow old or change or do anything fun (or boring) with their lives, and gramps' cancer isn't spreading THAT quickly. Hehe, you can pass the time rewriting the law in QBASIC for your robot lawyer.
Don't get excited. That was a joke. Us men in the government, we like a good joke too.
So, anyway, see you in a couple years, and remember - we're not advising you one way or the other, but part of what keeps those revolutionaries in jail is that they keep filing MOTIONS. Motions disgust us. The more work you make for us-- well. No need to threaten, I'm sure you're a smart man and understand.
Remember, Dick would love to be in your shoes, sir. Two years, maximum. We promise. Or we think we promise. Maybe we won't remember either. And of course we'll have shuffled things around by then, and Dick won't be around for our clever governmental analogy, so we may have to rely on good ol' Storm Thurmond. You hated him too, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, so did we. Took, what, thirty years to get rid of him? Boy, now THAT'S a long time.
Sure you don't remember that password?
[GOVERNMENT TEAM exits to go read/., digging up the parent post and laughing at the words "wrong and stupid"]
WHATAMIDOINGHERE: [taking a deep breath, finally mutters in frustration to himself] What am I doing here!?!?
THAT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN PAYING FOR CORPORATE SPONSERSHIP!!! You're not serious, are you? You truly, truly understand the difference between EA paying for the right to call its team the "Dallas Cowboys" instead of the "Dallas Ranchers", and any OTHER company paying EA to include Pepsi, Coke, Kodak, Fujifilm, whatever the company is, in billboard "advertisements"?
Jesus. Name a single, simple incident in which this actually occured. Be sure to back up your accusation with proof of some sort. Or would you rather not do any research on your own, and blindly foam at the mouth and blither whatever opinion some worthless local podunk community newspaper (or even better yet, a satire article on theonion.com) happened to pass on to you?
Frankly, I think EA, Sega, et al don't give a crap if their stadiums have advertisements for "Pepsi" or "Depfi". I think they have more important things to worry about (like, uh, staying afloat financially) than this idiotic "pinpoint accuracy" you claim. You almost sound like some kid from gamefaqs.com.
Fact is, it's still like it was in the days of Pole Position. You're wrong.
Google - a search engine
Googol - a one followed by 100 zeros
And it wasn't an infant - that's a total embellishment. Try Googling for Milton Sirotta, the kid who named the damn thing, and report back to me when you have a clue.
Subway systems are still a rarity in the world.
Yeah, besides the NY subway system, there's only the T in Boston, the over priced Metrorail in DC, the Baltimore subway, the Atlanta, Jacksonville, Cleveland, and Miami systems, BART in San Francisco and LA (mostly / entirely above ground, true, but the only reason there aren't more underground lines is the earthquake factor), and systems in St. Louis, Philadelphia, and oh yeah, that loop in Chicago.
Oh, and I think London has a subway of some sort.
Whoops, can't forget our neighbors to the north -Toronto had a subway, last time I checked. Ditto Montreal.
Tokyo? Barcelona? Brussels? Fuck man, even Uzbekistan has a goddamn subway these days.
Hey, wait a minute. I think you may be full of shit and talking out your ass!
Cars tend to be retired after a ten year service. I'm no aerospace nut, but it seems to me that 25+ years is a bit much to ask of a highly coordinated piece of machinery, such as the space shuttle. Maybe NASA was asking for it in a way?
I must respectfully call you a fucking retard. Your argument doesn't work. Take baseball cards, for instance... that 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle card really doesn't serve much of a purpose, and over the past 50 years the cardboard has probably gotten a bit weak, so it's not really useful in that game all the kids played where you throw the baseball cards at the wall... so I guess you'll let me have it for free, right?
Just a brief reflection... I can't believe they forgot to mention what may be the true classic old school vaporware RPG: Champions. I'm not really in the mood to karma whore so I won't bother summarizing the article - but anyone on the boards who's a true furry-toothed geek will remember getting all sweaty, hot, and bothered over this game way back in '91.;)
Duke Nukem Forever wasn't an adventure game.
RTFA.
If we were going to get into non-adventure games that ended up being vaporware, there's some other real biggies out there... let's see... anyone recall that first person RPG (I think), something like Soul... it was being betad in the early 90s, its big claim to fame was that they apparently coded it 100% in assembly for maximum frame rate on the 486's of the day...
What other ones... hmm... Mario 4 on the old NES, Combat II on the Atari 2600... I'm trying to avoid naming a bunch of other console games, since the article focuses on PC games...
There was an article like this in PC Gamer a few years ago, maybe later I'll dig it out and "remember" a few more.
A fascinating little shareware program can be found at THIS website. Musoft Builders are a bunch of neat people. The program is called "A Musical Generator", and outputs.MIDI files based on fractals,.BMP files, sinal waves, text, you name it... I used to tinker with it and got surprisingly musical results at times - not exactly anything as good as Varese, but much more enjoyable than John Tesh. I highly advise people to check them out!
How is that IRONIC? Did Alanis Morresette teach you the English language or something?
IRONY: Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated" (Richard Kain).
Sorry to jump down your throat, but this is one of my personal pet peeves. Irony would be if Ebay had a problem with selling CD-Rs, when they themselves were the largest supplier of blank CD-R media. Or if they wouldn't sell CD-Rs, but linked to Napster and Kazaa.
What you describe is merely a case of double standards.
You're probably trolling, but just for the benefit of anyone else reading this - the reason to sell through Ebay is because it's a no hassle, trusted organization. It reaches out to people who might feel unsafe giving their cc# out to some random indie "label", while still selling on the band's terms.
If anyone is interested in an extension of this theory (which begins by stating that humans are destined to give birth to computers as the next sentient race, and segues into an attack on the baby boomer culture), I do encourage them to check out Boomeritis. The theories within it are rather intriguing, though the layout / writing style is nowhere near as 'hyperactive' as this article.
Slashdot Mirror
Good job at dodging the issue.
With all that youthful "can do" ambition, I'd peg your age at 16.
Maybe in a couple years you'll figure out that you're not quite as 1337-tough as your hormones tell you, and you'll understand why I gave you a heaping helping of poppycock to illustrate the flaws in your argument.
Too late.
Like many hysteria robots, I have already inducted my self destruct sequence.
I mean, er, expungator.
So what's all this talk about the "red" button? That's something about Cold War Russia, right? "Red". I'm clever. I watch FOXnews nightly. Ah well, push those Russian buttons, see if IConnection with host lost...
Most Americans cannot go one day without checking their postal mail!!
In fact, in a recent study conducted by Nugneant Industries, over 100% of Americans witnessed the sight of a motorcar! When asked if they could possibly live life for three days without looking at a motorcar, they were most likely to answer "no", or offer a sarcastic wisecrack in its stead! America is addicted to the sight of wheeled machinery!
Most Americans ANSWER THEIR TELEPHONE WHEN IT RINGS!!! I don't believe I need to expungate on the addictive dangers therein!
I think the conclusion is quite obvious - we're a people addicted to communication and transport! Hopefully a nice, well meaning New Age Liberal surgeon general will issue a proclomation about these events in the future! If only that open minded and charismatic Ronald Reagan was still in office - I'm sure he could convince those bad guys in blue to stop his part in the daily addiction of postal mail.
Now, excuse me while I go light up a cigarette...
John Tesh is more a "bore until they calmly switch to the Latino hiphop station and blast away the doldrums" sort of torture. As the subject implies, I'm going for outright sonic warfare.
Though the Barney theme will do nicely. On repeat. chmodded +rh, for maximum effect.
Great! I'm loading mine with Barbera Striesland outtakes, Yoko Ono, Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music, Melt Banana, Whitney Houston, some Pia Zadora, and as much Tiny Tim as I can find! Then I'm taking over the highways and freeways like Max before me!
O ULDN'TITBELOOOOOOOOVERLYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEA IEAIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can imagine other drivers ceeding the right of way as they scramble at their dials to disable "auto download" whenever I get near. Or even better, I'll take a small boombox and crank ghetto rap, Phish Bootlegs, rare techno remixes, and other stuff to get noticed. THEN they get -Kazaa! - SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHW
About time guerilla warfare techniques had application on the open road.
Oh boy, yet another outlet for already-celebrities to get noticed. Boy oh boy, because, you know, not enough people know that Margret Cho is a fat, bitter lesbian asian-american with, you know, problems. And her take on things is really cool. Like that time when she saw that one homosexual and called him a silly fag, and then ended up eating a ham (or a tofu ham, sorry, I should probably read her blog to find out if she's vegan or not), while flashing back over how she was discriminated growing up. Okay, seriously, a lot of these people are pretty cool and say things that aren't outright lies. But does the world really need another portal? Why does Andy Baio merit an "A" while "THE" Isabella Wunder only get a "C"? Because some goon somewhere says so? It's like reducing the art of movie criticism to Beavis and Butthead. "Citizen Kane - 6T's! Awesome!" "Casablanca - B6(j7)! It's neat!" "Spellbound - 23.3! I didn't get that one scene!" Except without even the comments. With "indie" being all the trend, you'd figure (well, if human thought / capacity for getting stuff off the ground was anywhere near ideal) that there'd be a few more "indie" websites. Remember mp3.com? Now THAT was what the internet should be all about. Evidently we'd rather just know what everyone else is reading, and want it from more than just google and Alexa.
Fair and speedy are funny words.
/. tangent in one-act script form.
/., digging up the parent post and laughing at the words "wrong and stupid"]
"FAIR AND SPEEDY". An irrelevant
[SCENE. A pale off white police cell. Nothing terribly frightening about the place, unless one's an interior decorater, or has primarily been spending time in facilities built after the Red Scare (1950s for those of you not buff on retro-current events). WHATAMIDOINGHERE, a male in his early-middle 20s, sits in a chair. He takes on a very political, positive, business demeanor as the GOVERNMENT TEAM enters.
The GOVERNMENT TEAM consists of four men: LAWYER WHO DOES ALL THE TALKING, GOOD COP, BAD COP, and WEIRD QUIET FUNNY DUDE TAKING NOTES AND LOOKING AROUND WHILE THINKING ABOUT THE UPCOMING YANKEES GAME (for independant productions, WEIRD QUIET FUNNY DUDE can be replaced by INTERN or TENURED MIDDLE SUPERVISOR, as they both serve the same non-function). They look like people. Speak English too.]
GOVERNMENT TEAM: [all lines spoken by the LAWYER, but BAD COP continiously nods, as if agreeing. GOOD COP takes a seat after introducing himself in lines deemed "irrelevant to the central tangent at hand". WEIRD QUIET DUDE is weird and quiet. Perhaps he's staff at the police station and not directly part of the government team in any way]
So, we hear you forgot your password to your computer. And here we were trying to prosecute you for <some crime that by now is irrelevant>. Hey, that's okay, it happens to us all the time. Heh, Paul here [gestures to GOOD COP] forgot the password to his department's main network! Oh, those were some wacky times.
But let's get serious. We got this guy in the Vice President's chair. Boy oh boy is he squirming scared. Thinks the terrorists are out to get him. These next three years are going to feel like decades to the poor man.
You? Oh, we'll definitely get around to looking into that "fair, speedy" trial of yours. In a couple years. In the meantime, please sit peacefully in this cell and try not to upset that group of anti-social hulking possible-sociopaths waiting for their fair and speedy trial on tresspassing, breaking and entering, loitering, and physical threats made to an officer of the law. And don't worry about your job / friendships / family, we're sure you have vacation time, your friends won't grow old or change or do anything fun (or boring) with their lives, and gramps' cancer isn't spreading THAT quickly. Hehe, you can pass the time rewriting the law in QBASIC for your robot lawyer.
Don't get excited. That was a joke. Us men in the government, we like a good joke too.
So, anyway, see you in a couple years, and remember - we're not advising you one way or the other, but part of what keeps those revolutionaries in jail is that they keep filing MOTIONS. Motions disgust us. The more work you make for us-- well. No need to threaten, I'm sure you're a smart man and understand.
Remember, Dick would love to be in your shoes, sir. Two years, maximum. We promise. Or we think we promise. Maybe we won't remember either. And of course we'll have shuffled things around by then, and Dick won't be around for our clever governmental analogy, so we may have to rely on good ol' Storm Thurmond. You hated him too, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, so did we. Took, what, thirty years to get rid of him? Boy, now THAT'S a long time.
Sure you don't remember that password?
[GOVERNMENT TEAM exits to go read
WHATAMIDOINGHERE: [taking a deep breath, finally mutters in frustration to himself] What am I doing here!?!?
But even if "gates" was assumed to be a standard noun, "Gates do good marketing job in Microsoft" is incorrect - it's still missing an article.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
THAT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN PAYING FOR CORPORATE SPONSERSHIP!!! You're not serious, are you? You truly, truly understand the difference between EA paying for the right to call its team the "Dallas Cowboys" instead of the "Dallas Ranchers", and any OTHER company paying EA to include Pepsi, Coke, Kodak, Fujifilm, whatever the company is, in billboard "advertisements"?
Jesus. Name a single, simple incident in which this actually occured. Be sure to back up your accusation with proof of some sort. Or would you rather not do any research on your own, and blindly foam at the mouth and blither whatever opinion some worthless local podunk community newspaper (or even better yet, a satire article on theonion.com) happened to pass on to you?
What ass-crazy parallel-Earth do you live on?
Frankly, I think EA, Sega, et al don't give a crap if their stadiums have advertisements for "Pepsi" or "Depfi". I think they have more important things to worry about (like, uh, staying afloat financially) than this idiotic "pinpoint accuracy" you claim. You almost sound like some kid from gamefaqs.com.
Fact is, it's still like it was in the days of Pole Position. You're wrong.
No.
Google - a search engine
Googol - a one followed by 100 zeros
And it wasn't an infant - that's a total embellishment. Try Googling for Milton Sirotta, the kid who named the damn thing, and report back to me when you have a clue.
(he was 9 at the time...)
That just serves as good evidence that nobody, repeat, nobody should troll /. until AFTER the PCP wears off.
Just goes to show you, a low user number doesn't automatically signify brilliance or even the vaguest awareness of PC trends.
;)
This was a cheat code in the original PC DOOM.
MarkGriz = +1, funny
tevman = -1, redundant
Iffy = -1, clueless
Anyone who doesn't know the legend should go read it now, it's an interesting look at days gone by, when people still paid attention to USENET.
Subway systems are still a rarity in the world. Yeah, besides the NY subway system, there's only the T in Boston, the over priced Metrorail in DC, the Baltimore subway, the Atlanta, Jacksonville, Cleveland, and Miami systems, BART in San Francisco and LA (mostly / entirely above ground, true, but the only reason there aren't more underground lines is the earthquake factor), and systems in St. Louis, Philadelphia, and oh yeah, that loop in Chicago. Oh, and I think London has a subway of some sort. Whoops, can't forget our neighbors to the north -Toronto had a subway, last time I checked. Ditto Montreal. Tokyo? Barcelona? Brussels? Fuck man, even Uzbekistan has a goddamn subway these days. Hey, wait a minute. I think you may be full of shit and talking out your ass!
Cars tend to be retired after a ten year service. I'm no aerospace nut, but it seems to me that 25+ years is a bit much to ask of a highly coordinated piece of machinery, such as the space shuttle. Maybe NASA was asking for it in a way?
And people don't want old computers? BS. Try not to jump on your retard high horse before replying.
I must respectfully call you a fucking retard. Your argument doesn't work. Take baseball cards, for instance... that 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle card really doesn't serve much of a purpose, and over the past 50 years the cardboard has probably gotten a bit weak, so it's not really useful in that game all the kids played where you throw the baseball cards at the wall... so I guess you'll let me have it for free, right?
And what if you only get to see the license AFTER you bought your EQ CDR ?
;)
Well, if you're buying Everquest on CD-R, then I get the feeling you don't care much about EULA's.
Just a brief reflection... I can't believe they forgot to mention what may be the true classic old school vaporware RPG: Champions. I'm not really in the mood to karma whore so I won't bother summarizing the article - but anyone on the boards who's a true furry-toothed geek will remember getting all sweaty, hot, and bothered over this game way back in '91. ;)
Duke Nukem Forever wasn't an adventure game. RTFA. If we were going to get into non-adventure games that ended up being vaporware, there's some other real biggies out there... let's see... anyone recall that first person RPG (I think), something like Soul ... it was being betad in the early 90s, its big claim to fame was that they apparently coded it 100% in assembly for maximum frame rate on the 486's of the day...
What other ones... hmm... Mario 4 on the old NES, Combat II on the Atari 2600... I'm trying to avoid naming a bunch of other console games, since the article focuses on PC games...
There was an article like this in PC Gamer a few years ago, maybe later I'll dig it out and "remember" a few more.
A fascinating little shareware program can be found at THIS website. Musoft Builders are a bunch of neat people. The program is called "A Musical Generator", and outputs .MIDI files based on fractals, .BMP files, sinal waves, text, you name it... I used to tinker with it and got surprisingly musical results at times - not exactly anything as good as Varese, but much more enjoyable than John Tesh. I highly advise people to check them out!
How is that IRONIC? Did Alanis Morresette teach you the English language or something?
IRONY: Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated" (Richard Kain).
Sorry to jump down your throat, but this is one of my personal pet peeves. Irony would be if Ebay had a problem with selling CD-Rs, when they themselves were the largest supplier of blank CD-R media. Or if they wouldn't sell CD-Rs, but linked to Napster and Kazaa.
What you describe is merely a case of double standards.
You're probably trolling, but just for the benefit of anyone else reading this - the reason to sell through Ebay is because it's a no hassle, trusted organization. It reaches out to people who might feel unsafe giving their cc# out to some random indie "label", while still selling on the band's terms.
If anyone is interested in an extension of this theory (which begins by stating that humans are destined to give birth to computers as the next sentient race, and segues into an attack on the baby boomer culture), I do encourage them to check out Boomeritis. The theories within it are rather intriguing, though the layout / writing style is nowhere near as 'hyperactive' as this article.