I had this dream last night where I worked for Wendy's, but it was on a reality TV show, and they would dunk you in hot grease if you were a bad worker. That ever happen to anyone?
Lance says hi to girl named heide Won't you come and sit beside me? No she says and gag me green With you I'd like to never be seen Good bye.
Play our game 'til she gets naked On mine I want cheese and bacon If I had another quarter I could reach the next nude border
Pick it up, pick it up, pickituppickitup hey
Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic! Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic! Tag! Tag you're it! Gals Panic!
Stay cool as Paul walks down the street and each and every girl he meets Says fuck you and is on her way gals panic each and every day Lay stay cool (?) attach his feet bazooka Jerm he goes But he never seems to get a break so it's off to the arcade
Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic! Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic! Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic!
(instrumental break)
La la la la la la la la la la la Gals panic! Repeat 3x
Paul says hi to girl named heide Won't you come and sit beside me? No she says and gag me green With you I'd like to never be seen Good bye.
Play our game 'til she gets naked On mine I want cheese and bacon If I had another quarter I could reach the next nude border
Pick it up, pick it up, pickituppickitup hey
Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic! Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic!
Stay cool as Paul walks down the street and each and every girl he meets Says fuck you and is on her way gals panic each and every day Lay stay cool (?) attach his feet bazooka joe he goes But he never seems to get a break so it's off to the arcade
Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic! Tag! Tag you're it! Gals panic!
(instrumental break)
La la la la la la la la la la la Gals panic! Repeat 3x
1993. Linus Torvalds' rich parents buy QMinix, or "Quick and Dirty Unix Operating System" from Seattle programmer Andrew Tanenbaum for $50,000 .
1995. Linux95 comes out to great fanfare. Users are treated with all new Linux features like Plug N Play, GUI-based volume controls, and protein-folding.
2002. Linus Torvalds, 54, found dead in his Maine home. No more details are given...
I'll take that FP, and dedicate it to the power of open proxies!
EAT IT, BITCHES!
As you might expect, we get a lot of fetishists in the video store.
If a customer is going to rent porn, I actually prefer to see a mixed bag of videos - that way all I know about them is that they want porn. Someone comes up with a stack of five videos about people pissing for each other, and suddenly I know a very intimate thing about a relative stranger. (An interesting distinction in Illinois porn law: you can rent videos about people pissing for each other or near each other, but you are not allowed to rent videos of people pissing on each other. Go figure. There's apparently a Byzantine set of codes that have to do with taking a dump for each other, but I really don't want to know.)
Lots of people are hung up on a particular race, or a particular racial combination, and many straight men are pretty specific about breast size (The Nice Rack series and the Itty Bitty Titty series seem to rent fairly evenly). The most common fetish, if you can call something so common a fetish, is for borderline jailbait. This is true of both straight and gay porn. The gay series to watch are Eighteen Today, Just 18 and Gay and First Time Tryers. The straight series are Bring 'Em Young, Barely Legal, and, horrifyingly, Faces with Braces. We actually have a guy who vets all our videos and makes sure that nobody is under 18, but still, guys who bring a stack of those up to the counter make me want to hiss and warn them away from my little sisters. And it's never the 21-year-olds who rent Barely Legal, it's always the 45-and-ups. Gah. The 21-year-olds do occasionally rent the one Older Women, Hotter Sex video we have. I approve of this, in a shocking display of my own personal prejudices.
Except for the occasional too-personal glance into their psyches, most of the fetishists don't really bug us, except for those in one special category: those who fetishize the video store itself.
They can't masturbate because of the cameras, but they do everything else. They damage the cassettes on purpose. There's at least one guy in the straight section who rips pictures off the boxes, and a guy in the gay section who apparently carries an X-acto knife. People in both sections steal the boxes, which drives us nuts - a video without a display box won't rent because people can't see what it's about. It can take weeks to get a new, empty box and it's expensive. One guy in the gay section is definitely doing it as a triumphant "fuck you" - he always jams a plastic insert in the DVD rack as a calling card.
One guy called for weeks, trying to get us to special order a tape called Autofellatio. (It looks like cheating - on the box cover the guy is bracing himself against a pool table. Dammit, if you're going to fellate yourself, do it on pure strength and flexibility or don't do it at all.) Anyway, it's a hard to find tape, and he called over and over. I talked to him twice, and I was pretty sure he was masturbating both times. When we finally found the tape, he cancelled the order, claiming he'd found it somewhere else. I think it was the act of calling that turned him on.
People do get hung up on the act of seeing or even just renting a particular video. One guy at one of our other branches rented his favorite literally hundreds of times, checking it in and then right back out. The staff begged him to just buy it, but he wouldn't. His life was destroyed when his tape was either damaged or sold to someone else. He came to our store looking for it, and wouldn't tell me the title - he wrote down the title and passed the paper to Jeremy, the assistant manager.
Mr. Dreadlocks's particular fetish is the naughty act of renting itself. I've always had a fine relationship with Mr. Dreadlocks, but then he's gay and I don't apply to his fetish. The male clerks can't stand him, because what he likes to do is rent a tape from one of them, go home, masturbate, (we think, based on the short time he's gone, that he doesn't actually watch the tape) come back, pay for his one tape, and then pick out another and start again. Sometimes he has an erection during checkout, and once he had semen stains on the front of his pants. He freaks the shit out of the male clerks, and I understand why - it's pretty hideous to be an unwitting participant in someone else's sex act.
A lot of fetishizing has to do with unwitting or unwilling participants, and that runs pretty hard up against my "whatever floats your boat" policy. On the other hand, the more I work at the store the more it seems like some people are just hardwired in a certain way and there may not be anything they can do about it. Which doesn't really make it OK for them to call me and masturbate or steal stuff, but what can either of us do? We're at an impasse.
But I'm still calling the cops if I catch them tearing up our boxes.
Kinda hard to make things work seamlessly with closed source code.
Yeah, those Linux GUI apps sure do work "seamlessly" together. Especially that cut and paste, heh heh heh! Maybe in 5 years, Linux will have a desktop that works as well as Windows 3.1!
By the way, OmniWeb lists "Linux" as a spelling error. But then again, it lists its own name as a spelling error.
Yeah, your pentium II probably outperforms the P3 at twice the clock speed. And they both must bow to the superiority of the original Pentium Pro. It's the only real chip Intel has ever designed...
I like to have fun at -1, but the editors didn't give me any choice. You see, a member of my (low-karma) caste is now only allowed to post 2 messages per day.
Thus I'll probably be posting my fun messages as "Anonymous Coward" more often that not.
Personally, I was content to post at -1. But since the editors are apparently less committed to free speech than they once were, they have decided to shift the focus of this site from technology and science to some sort of battle ground between the editors, moderators, and the "trolls" (the sad label that small minds place on we comedians and ne'er-do-wells).
If you are a reader who doesn't normally read at -1, I am sorry for wasting your time with this message. But you must understand-I had no choice.
The freedom to use the site as it was originally intended is at stake! There is only one solution.
Your Mission is to post completely whacked-out nuttiness on this board! Don't let yourself be branded by labels like "Terrible," "Excellent," or "Bad!" YOU DO IT WRONG, my friends!
The first step is easy: merely turn your threshold down to -1 and drink in the rich absurdity.
I urge you to join the fight in making -1 a better place. Remember, this site is whatever you want it to be. You don't merely have to post tired rehashings of previous posts!!! As Ralph Nader once said, "Once they've got your expectations, they've got you!"
Don't settle for highly speculative garbage spewed by armchair programmers, wannabe scientists, and bitter, unemployed losers!!!
We've gone to the end of the universe, and unlocked the secrets straight to your grocer's freezer!!!
The next step is yours, my friend...but you have to want it. Join us, and be master of your fate!!!
Anyone who forces their mom to use Linux out of zealotry is seriously inconveniencing their poor mother (unless they are UNIX admins).
You're so zealous about Linux that you'd put your mom through the torture of using it? Fuck you guys, and I guess fuck your mom too, for raising such idiots. Geez.
Ted Williams' heirs may be feuding over what to do with his body now that the legendary slugger has passed on to that field of dreams in the sky, but Larry Hagman, of dimly remembered "Dallas" and "I Dream of Jeannie" fame, is spelling out his last requests in no uncertain terms.
"When I die, I want my friends to eat me," Hagman told celebrity researcher Baird Jones the other day. "I want to be fed through a wood chipper, be spread over a wheat field, then have a cake baked from the crop for all my pals to munch on."
Don't think he hasn't contemplated the alternatives.
"Cremation's fine, but it uses an awful lot of energy," Hagman says. "Burying someone in a steel casket doesn't do any good. I want to return to the earth as soon as possible."
Thus, the cake plan.
"I want the cake to be made of half marijuana, which makes people so much less violent than booze, and people should learn to eat pot rather than smoke it because it damages the heart and lungs less that way," Hagman opines.
Shocked at the aging actor's drug endorsement? Hagman contends you shouldn't be, bleating, "It's high time someone my age talked this way."
Slashdot Mirror
what about the fiber samples?
That this gasbag be slapped with the two posts a day rule. Oh yeah and mod me up bitches. You're stoned and moderating and you think I'm funny.
Anyway, if you want to depantserize a girl, just shove your willy into a cheesewedge. Works every time.
Spokesmodels for my penis?
So...what really happened to trollaxor.com? Is it coming back?
Wake up and smell the catbox, punk. That battle is long over, and the CLIT won. Now we must all band together!
I had this dream last night where I worked for Wendy's, but it was on a reality TV show, and they would dunk you in hot grease if you were a bad worker. That ever happen to anyone?
That must be great for keeping all your child pr0n encrypted, yah dead bastad!
You can feel the
Sweat of my balls
You can feel the
Sweat of my biggity-balls!
If everyone will take the magic pills I've provided, I'll show you why my post is first...and best!
Kick it!
Lance says hi to girl named heide
Won't you come and sit beside me?
No she says and gag me green
With you I'd like to never be seen
Good bye.
Play our game 'til she gets naked
On mine I want cheese and bacon
If I had another quarter
I could reach the next nude border
Pick it up, pick it up, pickituppickitup hey
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals Panic!
Stay cool as Paul walks down the street and each and every girl he meets
Says fuck you and is on her way gals panic each and every day
Lay stay cool (?) attach his feet bazooka Jerm he goes
But he never seems to get a break so it's off to the arcade
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
(instrumental break)
La la la la la la la la la la la
Gals panic! Repeat 3x
Kick it!
Paul says hi to girl named heide
Won't you come and sit beside me?
No she says and gag me green
With you I'd like to never be seen
Good bye.
Play our game 'til she gets naked
On mine I want cheese and bacon
If I had another quarter
I could reach the next nude border
Pick it up, pick it up, pickituppickitup hey
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Stay cool as Paul walks down the street and each and every girl he meets
Says fuck you and is on her way gals panic each and every day
Lay stay cool (?) attach his feet bazooka joe he goes
But he never seems to get a break so it's off to the arcade
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
Tag! Tag you're it!
Gals panic!
(instrumental break)
La la la la la la la la la la la
Gals panic! Repeat 3x
As you read the parent post, try to imagine the post retitled "Why Slashbots are morons." I think you'll enjoy it more.
Scream insanity! Now break!
EAT IT, BITCHES! As you might expect, we get a lot of fetishists in the video store.
If a customer is going to rent porn, I actually prefer to see a mixed bag of videos - that way all I know about them is that they want porn. Someone comes up with a stack of five videos about people pissing for each other, and suddenly I know a very intimate thing about a relative stranger. (An interesting distinction in Illinois porn law: you can rent videos about people pissing for each other or near each other, but you are not allowed to rent videos of people pissing on each other. Go figure. There's apparently a Byzantine set of codes that have to do with taking a dump for each other, but I really don't want to know.)
Lots of people are hung up on a particular race, or a particular racial combination, and many straight men are pretty specific about breast size (The Nice Rack series and the Itty Bitty Titty series seem to rent fairly evenly). The most common fetish, if you can call something so common a fetish, is for borderline jailbait. This is true of both straight and gay porn. The gay series to watch are Eighteen Today, Just 18 and Gay and First Time Tryers. The straight series are Bring 'Em Young, Barely Legal, and, horrifyingly, Faces with Braces. We actually have a guy who vets all our videos and makes sure that nobody is under 18, but still, guys who bring a stack of those up to the counter make me want to hiss and warn them away from my little sisters. And it's never the 21-year-olds who rent Barely Legal, it's always the 45-and-ups. Gah. The 21-year-olds do occasionally rent the one Older Women, Hotter Sex video we have. I approve of this, in a shocking display of my own personal prejudices.
Except for the occasional too-personal glance into their psyches, most of the fetishists don't really bug us, except for those in one special category: those who fetishize the video store itself.
They can't masturbate because of the cameras, but they do everything else. They damage the cassettes on purpose. There's at least one guy in the straight section who rips pictures off the boxes, and a guy in the gay section who apparently carries an X-acto knife. People in both sections steal the boxes, which drives us nuts - a video without a display box won't rent because people can't see what it's about. It can take weeks to get a new, empty box and it's expensive. One guy in the gay section is definitely doing it as a triumphant "fuck you" - he always jams a plastic insert in the DVD rack as a calling card.
One guy called for weeks, trying to get us to special order a tape called Autofellatio. (It looks like cheating - on the box cover the guy is bracing himself against a pool table. Dammit, if you're going to fellate yourself, do it on pure strength and flexibility or don't do it at all.) Anyway, it's a hard to find tape, and he called over and over. I talked to him twice, and I was pretty sure he was masturbating both times. When we finally found the tape, he cancelled the order, claiming he'd found it somewhere else. I think it was the act of calling that turned him on.
People do get hung up on the act of seeing or even just renting a particular video. One guy at one of our other branches rented his favorite literally hundreds of times, checking it in and then right back out. The staff begged him to just buy it, but he wouldn't. His life was destroyed when his tape was either damaged or sold to someone else. He came to our store looking for it, and wouldn't tell me the title - he wrote down the title and passed the paper to Jeremy, the assistant manager.
Mr. Dreadlocks's particular fetish is the naughty act of renting itself. I've always had a fine relationship with Mr. Dreadlocks, but then he's gay and I don't apply to his fetish. The male clerks can't stand him, because what he likes to do is rent a tape from one of them, go home, masturbate, (we think, based on the short time he's gone, that he doesn't actually watch the tape) come back, pay for his one tape, and then pick out another and start again. Sometimes he has an erection during checkout, and once he had semen stains on the front of his pants. He freaks the shit out of the male clerks, and I understand why - it's pretty hideous to be an unwitting participant in someone else's sex act.
A lot of fetishizing has to do with unwitting or unwilling participants, and that runs pretty hard up against my "whatever floats your boat" policy. On the other hand, the more I work at the store the more it seems like some people are just hardwired in a certain way and there may not be anything they can do about it. Which doesn't really make it OK for them to call me and masturbate or steal stuff, but what can either of us do? We're at an impasse.
But I'm still calling the cops if I catch them tearing up our boxes.
Props to the newly-formed CLIT/AC troll alliance. We shall overcome!
Yeah, those Linux GUI apps sure do work "seamlessly" together. Especially that cut and paste, heh heh heh! Maybe in 5 years, Linux will have a desktop that works as well as Windows 3.1!
By the way, OmniWeb lists "Linux" as a spelling error. But then again, it lists its own name as a spelling error.
I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
Yeah, your pentium II probably outperforms the P3 at twice the clock speed. And they both must bow to the superiority of the original Pentium Pro. It's the only real chip Intel has ever designed...
And I should know, because I have the novelization of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, bitches!
Wait...no, I better not. Fuck you all!
I like to have fun at -1, but the editors didn't give me any choice. You see, a member of my (low-karma) caste is now only allowed to post 2 messages per day.
Thus I'll probably be posting my fun messages as "Anonymous Coward" more often that not.
Personally, I was content to post at -1. But since the editors are apparently less committed to free speech than they once were, they have decided to shift the focus of this site from technology and science to some sort of battle ground between the editors, moderators, and the "trolls" (the sad label that small minds place on we comedians and ne'er-do-wells).
If you are a reader who doesn't normally read at -1, I am sorry for wasting your time with this message. But you must understand-I had no choice.
The freedom to use the site as it was originally intended is at stake! There is only one solution.
Your Mission is to post completely whacked-out nuttiness on this board! Don't let yourself be branded by labels like "Terrible," "Excellent," or "Bad!" YOU DO IT WRONG, my friends!
The first step is easy: merely turn your threshold down to -1 and drink in the rich absurdity.
You may find that the juxtaposition of another tired "Microsoft vs Linux" debate with first-person account of psychdelic drug use, a tale of a heroic, sentient ATM is too heady a mix to resist.
Don't like fiction? That's okay! The muckracking crusaders of -1 are here to show you the light about open source software, your rights online, and more specifically, Linux And I would be amiss if I didn't mention the poetical stylings of the Lyrics Guy.
I urge you to join the fight in making -1 a better place. Remember, this site is whatever you want it to be. You don't merely have to post tired rehashings of previous posts!!! As Ralph Nader once said, "Once they've got your expectations, they've got you!"
Don't settle for highly speculative garbage spewed by armchair programmers, wannabe scientists, and bitter, unemployed losers!!!
We've gone to the end of the universe, and unlocked the secrets straight to your grocer's freezer!!!
The next step is yours, my friend...but you have to want it. Join us, and be master of your fate!!!
You're so zealous about Linux that you'd put your mom through the torture of using it? Fuck you guys, and I guess fuck your mom too, for raising such idiots. Geez.
Flaxablitty is curtainly an abtractibe obtion for a brilyunt mind suck as youself!
Ted Williams' heirs may be feuding over what to do with his body now that the legendary slugger has passed on to that field of dreams in the sky, but Larry Hagman, of dimly remembered "Dallas" and "I Dream of Jeannie" fame, is spelling out his last requests in no uncertain terms.
"When I die, I want my friends to eat me," Hagman told celebrity researcher Baird Jones the other day. "I want to be fed through a wood chipper, be spread over a wheat field, then have a cake baked from the crop for all my pals to munch on."
Don't think he hasn't contemplated the alternatives.
"Cremation's fine, but it uses an awful lot of energy," Hagman says. "Burying someone in a steel casket doesn't do any good. I want to return to the earth as soon as possible."
Thus, the cake plan.
"I want the cake to be made of half marijuana, which makes people so much less violent than booze, and people should learn to eat pot rather than smoke it because it damages the heart and lungs less that way," Hagman opines.
Shocked at the aging actor's drug endorsement? Hagman contends you shouldn't be, bleating, "It's high time someone my age talked this way."
High being the operative word.