It amazes me that so many allegedly educated people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet showing itself in neat fourweek cycles with the same side facing us all the time is ludicrous Furthermore it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent Godfearing Americans as if any further evidence was needed Daddys Roommate God AlmightyDocumentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on lawabiding Americans Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control Inc these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up Thats right neighbors the next time youre out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights the liberals will see it These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt 45 and a 38 Special And when they detect you with a firearm their computers crossreference the address to figure out your name and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about youOf course this all works fine during the day but what about at night Even the liberals cant control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor Thats where the moon comes in Powered by nuclear reactors the moon is nothing more than an enormous balloon emitting trillions of candlepower of gunrevealing light Piloted by key members of the liberal community the moon is strategically moved across the country pointing out those who dare to make use of their Godgiven rights at nightYes I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous but consider this Despite what the revisionist historians tell you there is no mention of the moon anywhere in literature or historical documents anywhere before 1950 That is when it was initially launched When President Josef Kennedy at the State of the Union address proclaimed We choose to go to the moon he may as well have said We choose to go to the weather balloon The subsequent faking of a moon landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down
The Official Taco-snotting FAQ
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MP3 for Gameboy
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THE OFFICIAL TACOSNOTTING FAQ By J Wipo Troll Esq Revision 116 This article attempts to document a vile ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community a practice known as or simply Tacosnotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation but it is nonetheless a widelypracticed and dangerous form of homosexuality If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Tacosnotting please get professional help before it is too late Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert Malda owner of the popular technology website slashdotorg Actually itnot a very site in the common sense of the word the site is rife with pimply antisocial geeks and hackers zitfaced nerds communists dirty GNU hippies and other societal rejects and outcasts Italso home to one of the worldlargest suspected prings the infamous crewMr Malda gets bored and who wouldnrunning a site like Slashdot all day he roams through the user database penis in hand looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him How he determines this is anyoneguess but if you have a homosexualsounding nickname or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it youa potential candidateThis time he found you Lucky you Mr Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code Do you know what it means CmdrTacocode language is relatively easy to decipher This pervert prefers to speak in thinlyveiled sexual innuendo yes thatright he wants you to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotparent corporation VA Software Mr Maldais of course his penis a small withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaown lubedup right hand His bellsare the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander and his sauceis his thin runny semen It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to his Taco bellsor his gourmet Taco saucewould also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as and if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time a Good Lord And yes he did What is is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man homo or heterosexual CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim Naturally a long bubbly stream of milkywhite semen is left on CmdrTacoface dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek hence the term if thatnot bad enoughis a Tacosnotting circlejerk another practice common among the Slashdot crew CmdrTaco CowboiKneel and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey sticky cum spooging their jizzsnot all over each otherfaces and pasty white bodies until theycovered head to toe with their own and each otherman juice This vile ungodly ritual can go on for hours For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to goTo complete this perverted orgy fellow faggots Michael Timothy and Jamie will usually join in dressed in tight leather mockSS uniforms jack boots and leather gloves The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description The whole group begins to snot each otherspunk and whip each otherpudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate homosexual revelry Ewwwwww So can I stop receiving these emails Hopefully but I wouldncount on itTo begin with you most likely forgot to uncheck the to Snotcheckbox in your account preferences CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad do you have a homosexualsounding nick and heprobably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera some tissues and lube just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch Thereno escaping a geek in heat trust me so itprobably too late for you but you can possibly rectify this situation To remove yourself from CmdrTacosights log into your Slashdot account go to your user page click on Messages and uncheck the box next to to SnotMaybe heignore you Probably not I canstop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco If you indulge him in a Tacosnot or two he might leave you alone You might also want to look into mail filtering restraining orders or purchasing a heavy blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat Trust me when they chargeoh the humanity If he gets you and you let him Tacosnot all over you you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circlesnot Have you ever been Tacosnotted Unfortunately yes I first met Mr Malda at an Open Source Convention He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some Tacosbut when I got there the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed stripping me After taking his out of his pants Mr Taco made me suck the withered thing six times virtually nonstop He then performed his vile Tacosnotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty mindnumbing orgasmthen he snotted my own thick gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils He snotted me two more times first into my mouth then again on my exposed bellyCmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source or rather Sauceman sauce buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest European hacker and known Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his kernelhis partnerincrime Anal Cox used their stackin a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless tender young body Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform caning my previouslyvirginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about those Censorware freaks out to get himThat is so disgusting How did you finally escape After about 16 hours of countless unholy homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body they all finally went to sleep on top of me sweatsoaked and exhausted I was left there completely covered in bubbly translucent jizzsnot chained to the bed with half a dozen fat pastywhite fags lying around and on top of me Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door of the apartment not their back doors Ijust glad I survived the awful ordeal These sexuallyrepressed hackers had a lot of builtup spunk in their wads I couldeasily been drowned Thathorrible Does have anything to do with CmdrTacotacoNo thata different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in Mr Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice emphasis added You may be wondering what CmdrTacotacois You will be wishing that you hadnbeen wondering after you finish reading this post To make his tacoCmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it He then adds lettuce takes out his tiny withered dick otherwise known as his puts his taco sauceon it which means he jacks off on the taco and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious Of course the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten Thus CmdrTaco forcefeeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim After all who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacojizz After the victim is unconscious he is held against his will and used for CmdrTaconefarious homosexual purposes This includes shoving taco shells up the victimass Tacosnotting and getting Jon Katz involved Trust me you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body Also rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatsecx guy Donlet it be youDifferent ungodly perversion yet no less revolting It should be clear to you now that Robert Malda is a very very sick individual as are most of the Slashdot editors Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this I thought he was a pnot a homosexual Actually Jon Katz is a homosexual pHealso a coprophiliac and many suspect a zoophile Mr Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesninvolve himself in the circlesnots but that doesmean heany less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew Katz often engages in a game called with a harem of littleboy slaves that he has collected over the years yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyurine forced out of them with a pair of pincers spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boychained naked bodies If hein the mood he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass onto the crying terrified boys Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr Katz to juicydouche them at will A boy will usually last about two years before Mr Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old usually around 13 or 14Not content with being a pcoprophile Mr Katz is also quite the zoophile As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenenough Jon usually enjoys his juicydouches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatanus He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatsmall beanlike turds and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them you getting hard writing this Why yes Join me in a WIPOsnot No thanks Ialready CmdrTacoboi toi The URL of this document is opdisplay revisions are publicly available at oplist Id tacosnottinghtmlv 116 20011228 212003 wipo Exp Copyright 2001 J Wipo Troll Esq Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium provided this copyright notice is preserved and next time you take a dump you think of the WIPO Troll and all hedone to make Slashdot a better place
It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called alternative sexuality which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophiliaWhat better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linuxs most outspoken advocates Linus Torvalds is an anagram of slit anus or VD L clearly referring to himself by the first initial Richard M Stallman spokespervert for the Gaysexs Not Unusual movement is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad Alan Cox is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves meIm sure that Eric S Raymond composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre is probably an anagram of something queer but we dont need to look that far as we know hes always shoving a gun up some poor little boys rectum Update Eric S Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer Update the Second It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for Felch Male a disgusting practise For those not in the know felching is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own postcoital ejaculate out of the others rectum In fact it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of email turning it into emaleAs far as Richard Master Stallman goes that filthy fudgepacker was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Saloncom as saying the following Ive been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance he says Its about being able to question conventional wisdom he asserts I believe in love but not monogamy he says plainlyAnd this isnt a made up troll bullshit either He actually stated this tripe which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that hes a flaming homo slutSpeaking about flaming who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdots very own selfconfessed pederast Jon Katz Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name he has already confessed nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children To quote from the article linkedIve got a rare kidney disease I told her I have to go to the bathroom a lot You can come with me if you want but it takes a while Is that okay with you Do you want a note from my doctorIs this why you were touching your penis in the cinema Jon And letting the other boys touch it tooWe should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as Slashdots resident Gasbag Is there any more doubt For those fortunate few who arent aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux Sauce Code a Gasbag is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra or to use the common parlance pisspipe then his homosexual lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum This is of course when hes not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agendaSick disgusting antichristian perverts the lot of themIn addition many of the Linux distributions a distribution is the most common way to spread the faggots wares are run by faggot groups The Slackware distro is named after the Slackwear fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes Furthermore Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse a reference to the homosexual practise of anal fisting The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked which is what they doAnother distro abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like Disco which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s is Debian an anagram of in a bed which could be considered innocent enough after all a bed is both where we sleep and pray until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares Woody is obvious enough being a term for the erect male penis glistening with precum But far sicker is the phrase Frozen Potato that they use This filthy term again found in the secret homosexual Sauce Code refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen potato up his own rectum squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasmAnd Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpieceThe fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry For example the supermount tool was devised to allow deeper penetration which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland Automount is used on the other hand because Linux users are all fat and gay and need to mount each other automaticallyThe depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of mount points These are plainly speaking the different points of penetration The main one is obviously anus but there are others Militant fags even say there is no opt mount point because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of lifeMore evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love man even going so far as to say that all new Linux users who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda should try out man In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a manOther areas of the system also show Linuxs inherit gayness For example people are often told of the FAQ but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means The answer is shocking Faggot Anal Quest the voyage of discovery for newly converted fagsEven the title Slashdot originally referred to a homosexual practice Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of bloodletting The Slashbots of course are those superzealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users the depraved work of Satan httpwwwefforgThe editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names Hemos is obvious in itself being one vowel away from Homos But even more sickening is Commander Taco which sounds a bit like Commode in Taco filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement The best form of lubrication they insist Sometimes these Taco Commodes have special Salsa Sauce blood from a ruptured rectum and Cheese rancid flakes of penis discharge toppings And to make it even worse Slashdot runs on Apache The Apache server whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS is named after homosexual activity as everyone knows popular faggot band the Village People featured an Apache Indian and it is for him that this gay program is namedAnd thats not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fistingTo summarise Linux is gay Slash Dot is the graphical description of the space between a young boys scrotum and anus And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled stumpers FEEDBACK What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do Im scared I actually read this whole thing I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this And actually take the time to do it too Although I think it was satire blah its early Anonymous Coward SlashdotWell the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux Sauce code once Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer and havent you always been worried about the phrase Monolithic Kernel this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race as well as a few of the major animal species It has shocked and disturbed me to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homocalypse which threatens to engulf our planet You must work for the government Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot wont be able to continue or something due to legal woes If i ever see your ugly face im going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass after its nice and hot to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours Anonymous Coward SlashdotDoesnt it give you a hardon to imagine your thick strong poker ramming its way up my most sacred of sphincters Youre beyond help my friend as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man Are you sure youre not Eric Raymond The government being populated by limpwristed liberals could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy Hell theyve given NAMBLA free reign for years you really should post this logged in i wish i could remember jebuss password cuz id give it to you mighty jebus SlashdotThank you for your kind words of support However this document shall only ever be posted anonymously This is because the Open Sauce movement is a sham proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom I speak for the common man For any man who prefers the warm enveloping velvet folds of a womans vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child These men being common decent folk dont have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture I am the unknown liberator ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS Anonymous Coward SlashdotWe shouldnt hate them we should pity them for the misguided fools they are Fanatical Linux zealouts need to be herded into camps for reeducation and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society This reeducation shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism Actually thats not at all how scrotal inflation works I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum Ive never tried this but you can read how to do it safely in case youre interested Before you moderate this down ask yourself honestly who are the real crazies people who do scrotal inflation or people who pay 1000 for a game console doubleh SlashdotWell it just goes to show that even the holy Linux sauce code is riddled with bugs that need fixing The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this with their queer slogan Given enough arms all rectums are shallow And anyway the PS2 sucks major cock and isnt worth the money Intellivision forever dude did u used to post on msnbcs nt bulletin board now that u are doing antigay posts u also need to start in with antiblack stuff too c u in church Anonymous Coward SlashdotFor one thing whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film enjoying the restriction enforced onto them Remember a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church Clearly the only godfearing Christian operating system in existence is CPM The Christian Program Monitor All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems It is the only route to salvationSecondly this message is for every man Computers know no colour Not only that but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher And dont forget that slashdot was written in Perl which is just too close to Pearl Necklace for comfort oh wait thats something all you heterosexuals do I cant help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do FirstPosts on this site if it were redone in PHP I could handtype dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them phee SlashdotAlthough there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a womans breasts squirting ones load up towards her neck and chin area it should be noted that Perl standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally is also close to Pearl Monocle Pearl Nosering and the ubiquitous Pearl EnemaOne scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages Take the following code LWPSimple It looks innocuous enough doesnt it But look at the line closely There are two colons next to each other As Larry Balls to the Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate its programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of colon kissing whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide pressing their filthy torn sphincters together They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone This is also referred to in programming circles as Parameter PassingAnd PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration Didnt you know Thank you for your valuable input on this I am sure you will be never forgotten BTW Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars Mars rulaa Eimernase SlashdotWell I dont know about terraforming Mars but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years Thats inspiring Keep up the good work AC May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community and make it pure again Yours Cerberus Anonymous Coward Slashdot sniff That brings a tear to my eye Thank you once more for your kind support I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lords work but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man hereHowever I should be cautious about revealing your name Cerberus on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot It is a well known fact that the Kerberos documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing in intimate exacting detail how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals be they domesticated wild or mythical Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide treating it as an extension to the Linux Sauce Code for the sake of interoperability The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse their favourite kindIn fact sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties Love of Anal Naughtiness needless to say wherein they entice a stray dog known as the Samba Mount into their homes Up to four of these filthsodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect throbbing uncircumcised members conkersdeep into the rectum mouth and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal Eventually the Samba Mount collapses due to overload and needs to be rebooted ie kicked out into the street and left to fend for itself Many Linux users boast about their uptime in such situations Inspiring stuff If only all trolls were this quality Anonymous Coward SlashdotIf only indeed You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible I recommend 1 Underrated as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened BenderIf we can get just one of these postings up to at least 1 then it will be archived forever Others will learn of our struggle and join with us in our battle for freedom Its pathetic youve spent so much time writing this Anonymous Coward SlashdotI am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment As with any great opensource project you need someone asking this question so Ill do it When the hell is version 20 going to be ready Anonymous Coward SlashdotI could make an arrogant childish comment along the lines of Every time someone asks for 20 I wont release it for another 24 hours but the truth of the matter is that Im quite nervous of releasing a number two as I can guarantee some filthy shitslurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before Ive even had chance to wipe I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel you sexy hunk you Anonymous Coward SlashdotI sincerely hope youre Natalie Portman Dude nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading Try to distill the message whatever it was and maybe Ill read it As it is I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time 10 seconds is all its gonna take M to whoop Linuxs ass Vigilence is the price of Free as in libre from the fine frou frou French language Software Hack on fellow geeks and remember Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins Those godless oil drench bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons another fine fine French word and eat that Anyway try to keep your message focused and concise For concision is the soul of derision Way Anonymous Coward SlashdotWhat the fuck Ive read your gay conspiracy post version 130 and I must say Im impressed In particular I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gaybashing homos tend to be full of Thank you again Anonymous Coward SlashdotWell bugger me ooooh honey how insecure are you wann a little massage from deare bruci love you Anonymous Coward SlashdotFuck right offIMPORTANT This message needs to be heard Not HURD which is an acronym for Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator across the whole community so it has been released into the Public Domain You know that licence that we all had before those homoerotic cryptofascists came out with the GPL Gay Penetration License that is no more than an excuse to see whos got the biggest fecesencrusted cock I would have put this up on Freshmeat but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boyCome to think of it the whole concept of Source Control unnerves me because it sounds a bit like Sauce Control which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receivers scrotum And Open Sauce is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later Obviously Closed Sauce is the only Christian thing to do as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about Contributors although not to the eternal game of soggy biscuit that open sauce development has become Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward phee Anonymous Coward mighty jebus Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward doubleh Anonymous Coward Eimernase Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Further contributions are welcome Current changes This version sent to FreeWIPO by Bring BackATV as plain text Reformatted everything added all links back in that we could match from the previous version many new ones Slashbot bait links Even more spelling fixed Who wrote this thing CmdrTaco himself Previous changes Yet more changes added Spelling fixed Feedback added Explanation of distro system Mount Point syntax described More filth regarding man and Slashdot Yet more fucking spelling fixed Fetchmail uncovered further More Slashbot baiting Apache exposed Distribution licence at foot of document ANUX A full Linux distribution Up your ass Feces Thrower
Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Dirty GNU Hippie community when last month IDC confirmed that Rancid Smelling GNU Hippies account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all humans Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Natty haired greasy GNU Hippie have lost more market share this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along Reeking Linux Hippies are collapsing in complete disarray as further exemplified by failing dead last sysadminmagcom in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive usrbinsh test You dont need to be a Kreskin amdestcom to predict the future of the Stinking sweaty Linux hippie The hand writing is on the wall Foulstenched GNU hippies with swampy armpits face a bleak future In fact there wont be any future at all for them because they are dying Things are looking very bad for Hairybacked GNU hippie As many of us are already aware they continue to lose market share Red ink flows like a river of blood Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers Troll leader Anonymouse Coward states that there are 7000 goatsecx trolls How many ascii art trolls are there Lets see The number of goatsecx versus ascii art posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1 Therefore there are about 70005 1400 ascii art trolls Pimplyfaced GNU hippies posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of ascii art posts Therefore there are about 700 Dirty GNU Hippies A recent article put first post at about 80 percent of the troll market Therefore there are 700014007004 36400 first post trolls This is consistent with the number of first posts All major surveys show that Putrid smelling greasy GNU hippies have steadily declined in market share Slashdot is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim If Grubby Smelly Linux Hippies are to survive at all it will be among troll hobbyist dabblers Slashdot continues to decay Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time For all practical purposes Dirty GNU Hippies are dead
THE TROLL POLKA ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN By Serial Troller slashdotorg das nicht ein early post Ja Das ist mein early postIs das nicht ein Goatse goatsecx ghost Ja Das ist mein Goatse goatsecx ghostEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas post at minus one Ja Das ist at minus oneIs das trolling so much fun Ja Das trolling is so funMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht ein big crapflood Ja Das ist mein big crapfloodIs it worthless Linux FUD Ja Das ist mein Linux FUDBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht der CowBoiKneel Ja Das ist der CowBoiKneelIs dis nicht his manchode meal Ja Das ist his manchode mealCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht ein WIPO Troll Ja Das ist der WIPO TrollIs das nicht ein Goatse goatsecx hole Ja Das ist der Goatse goatsecx holeWIPO Troll Goatse goatsecx holeCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht Jon Katzslave boys Ja Das ist Jon Katzslave boysUnd arenthey Tacosex toys Ja They are Tacosex toysKatzslave boys Robsex toysWIPO Troll Goatse goatsecx holeCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht ein trolltalk thread Ja Das ist ein trolltalk threadIs it nicht now FUCKING DEAD Ja Is really FUCKING DEADTrolltalk thread FUCKING DEADKatzslave boys Robsex toysWIPO Troll Goatse goatsecx holeCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksChange Log Subtle changes to most verses It sounded really gay before Removed all references to Tacopud May have been high at time Will investigate furtherFinally think I have goat sex written correctly in German I think Arschficken2002 Serial Troller Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtrollerhotmailcom mailto
CmdrTaco You sit here dearCowboiKneel All rightCmdrTaco to Waitress MorningWaitress MorningCmdrTaco Well whatve you gotWaitress Well theres egg and bacon egg sausage and bacon egg and snot slashdotorg egg bacon and snot egg bacon sausage and snot snot bacon sausage and snot slashdotorg snot egg snot snot bacon and snot snot sausage snot snot bacon snot tomato and snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew starting to chant Snot snot snot snotWaitress Snot snot snot slashdotorg egg and snot snot snot snot snot snot snot baked beans snot snot snotSlashdot Crew singingSnot Lovely snot slashdotorg Lovely snot slashdotorgWaitress or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate brandy and with a fried egg on top and snotCowboiKneel Have you got anything without snot slashdotorgWaitress Well theres snot slashdotorg egg sausage and snot thats not got much snot in itCowboiKneel I dont want any snotCmdrTaco Why cant he have egg bacon snot slashdotorg and sausageCowboiKneel Thats got snot slashdotorg in itCmdrTaco Hasnt got as much snot in it as snot egg sausage and snot has itSlashdot Crew Snot snot snot snot slashdotorg crescendo through next few lines CowboiKneel Could you do the egg bacon snot slashdotorg and sausage without the snot thenWaitress UrgghhCowboiKneel What do you mean Urgghh I dont like snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew Lovely snot Wonderful snotWaitress Shut upSlashdot Crew Lovely snot slashdotorg Wonderful snot slashdotorgWaitress Shut up Slashdot Crew stops Bloody Slashdot fags You cant have egg bacon snot and sausage without the snotCowboiKneel shrieks I dont like snot slashdotorgCmdrTaco Sshh dear dont cause a fuss Ill have your snot slashdotorg I love it Im having snot snot snot snot snot snot snot beaked beans snot snot snot and snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew singing Snot snot snot snot slashdotorg Lovely snot Wonderful snotWaitress Shut up Baked beans are offCmdrTaco Well could I have his snot slashdotorg instead of the baked beans thenWaitress You mean snot slashdotorg snot snot snot slashdotorg snot snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew singing elaborately Snot snot snot snot Lovely snot Wonderful snot Snot snoooooot snot snoooooot snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Snot snot snot snot slashdotorg
So whatever happened to Linux At tech expo open source software is hard to find By John W SchoenMSNBC NEW YORK June 26 Just a few years ago one of the hottest topics at this annual confluence of PC hardware and software makers was the socalled open source alternative to Microsofts industrydominant Windows operating system Soon open source proponents argued PC users would be liberated from the burden of paying for software The Linux operating system and other open source alternatives written by devoted bands of volunteer programmers would be available to anyone for the cost of a download But today Windows is still running on the vast majority of PCs So what happened LINUX HASNT gone away But after attracting widespread attention and generating several moonshot initial public offerings during the tech boom purveyors of Linux software and support have fallen back to earth along with their stocks Earlier this month Red Hat which sells about half of all Linux software reported a loss of 43 million on an 8 percent drop in revenues in the latest quarter as corporate customers continued to squeeze every penny of their computer budgets Ironically those tight budgets have helped fuel adoption of Linux by managers of large corporate technology departments Created by Finish college student Linus Torvalds and continually updated and improved by a loose confederation of programmers who arent paid for their work Linux is available without the steep licensing fees that come with commercially produced software Companies like Red Hat sell upgraded versions and provide technical support but dont charge licensing fees Those continuing upgrades have begun to generate increased interest from costconscious technology managers A recent survey of 800 companies in North America and Western Europe found that some 40 percent said they were either using or testing Linux according to the research firm IDC With some 27 percent of the market Linux is now the second most popular operating system for servers supplanting the decadesold operating system UNIX Microsoft holds the top spot MSNBC is a MicrosoftNBC joint venture Numbers like those have caught the attention of computer hardware makers Last year as the personal computer slogged through the worst sales crash in its history Linux server sales jumped by more than 50 percent to 400 million with IBM leading the pack Linux used to be just a bunch of geeks trying to change the industry said Elizabeth Phillips a HewlettPackard spokesperson Now Linux is becoming more mainstream every day Linux is also shining brightly on the radar screens of software makers like Oracle which is heavily marketing the latest version of its highend corporate enterprise software which generates mainframelike horsepower using clusters of relatively cheap servers running Linux LINUX BOOT CAMP But Linux has hardly made a dent in the desktop and home user markets At PC conventions like this one Microsofts Windows operating system still rules with some 94 percent of the operating system market for desktops and laptop PCs according to IDC Despite its growing popularity among computer professionals its still not completely user friendly Its for geeks said Faber Fedor a New Jerseybased consultant who helps small businesses upgrade to Linux Near the end of a long hallway in the basement of the Jacob Javits Center at a wellattended conference called Linux Boot Camp Fedor walked a roomful of developers and IT managers through the basics and not so basics of converting to the Linux world Until recently interacting with Linux was almost entirely textdriven much like Windows precursor DOS So converting meant learning an arcane vocabulary of computerese to give the PC even the simplest commands But Linux software is getting better and now more closely mimics the Windows world that the vast majority of PC users are accustomed to A Linuxbased opensource email program called Evolution looks pretty much like a standard Windows desktop OpenOffices provide most key features offered by Microsoft Office including a word processor spreadsheet and mail program Fedor says these alternatives offer more than a familiar look and feel We dont get viruses he said Last year viruses cost the business world billions but every one of those was on Windows WOOING THE HOME USER But adopters of Linux still face hurdles living in a Microsoft world High on the list of headaches is incompatibilities with files created with Microsoft products like Word Small software makers like Lindows are trying to help desktop users bridge that divide Still Linux evangelists like Fedor say that as long as new PCs come preloaded with Windows the open source community faces an uphill battle spreading Linux beyond corporate IT departments into the home Linux partisans point to some small victories WalMart recently began selling a house brand PC at rock bottom prices available with Linux for the thriftiest PC buyersThat thrift among home PC buyers though has further hampered the spread of Linux to home desktops Its another reason software developers like Dave Potter of Fountainville Pa prefer writing programs for corporate users He says he doesnt see much point writing Linux applications for individual PC buyers Home users are cheap he said At 4995 youre going to have to sell a whole lot of copies to make it in the market And as Linux proponents continue to try to enlist desktop PC users Microsoft is busy reinventing that desktop With sales of new PCs in their worst slump in decades Microsoft is hoping to reboot Windows sales by leading the charge toward the Tablet PC a sort of PDA on steroids With new technology to recognize and manipulate handwriting and speech Microsoft and its hardware and software partners are hoping to usher in a whole new platform by giving users all the capabilities of ink according to Microsoft Group Vice President Jeff Raikes Microsoft and the rest of the PC industry are hedging their bets by designing several variations of the device from a standalone tablet about the size of a standard piece of paper to a laptop with a display that flips around and folds flat with the screen facing outward The goal is to replace rather than augment existing PCs according to Leland Rockoff a director of Microsofts table PC project We see this as a primary PC he said Theyre not appliances theyre not companions theyre not secondary But Rockoff says the companys strategy with regard to open source software will be the same as it is with Windows XP
So whatever happened to Linux At tech expo open source software is hard to find By John W SchoenMSNBC NEW YORK June 26 Just a few years ago one of the hottest topics at this annual confluence of PC hardware and software makers was the socalled open source alternative to Microsofts industrydominant Windows operating system Soon open source proponents argued PC users would be liberated from the burden of paying for software The Linux operating system and other open source alternatives written by devoted bands of volunteer programmers would be available to anyone for the cost of a download But today Windows is still running on the vast majority of PCs So what happened LINUX HASNT gone away But after attracting widespread attention and generating several moonshot initial public offerings during the tech boom purveyors of Linux software and support have fallen back to earth along with their stocks Earlier this month Red Hat which sells about half of all Linux software reported a loss of 43 million on an 8 percent drop in revenues in the latest quarter as corporate customers continued to squeeze every penny of their computer budgets Ironically those tight budgets have helped fuel adoption of Linux by managers of large corporate technology departments Created by Finish college student Linus Torvalds and continually updated and improved by a loose confederation of programmers who arent paid for their work Linux is available without the steep licensing fees that come with commercially produced software Companies like Red Hat sell upgraded versions and provide technical support but dont charge licensing fees Those continuing upgrades have begun to generate increased interest from costconscious technology managers A recent survey of 800 companies in North America and Western Europe found that some 40 percent said they were either using or testing Linux according to the research firm IDC With some 27 percent of the market Linux is now the second most popular operating system for servers supplanting the decadesold operating system UNIX Microsoft holds the top spot MSNBC is a MicrosoftNBC joint venture Numbers like those have caught the attention of computer hardware makers Last year as the personal computer slogged through the worst sales crash in its history Linux server sales jumped by more than 50 percent to 400 million with IBM leading the pack Linux used to be just a bunch of geeks trying to change the industry said Elizabeth Phillips a HewlettPackard spokesperson Now Linux is becoming more mainstream every day Linux is also shining brightly on the radar screens of software makers like Oracle which is heavily marketing the latest version of its highend corporate enterprise software which generates mainframelike horsepower using clusters of relatively cheap servers running Linux LINUX BOOT CAMP But Linux has hardly made a dent in the desktop and home user markets At PC conventions like this one Microsofts Windows operating system still rules with some 94 percent of the operating system market for desktops and laptop PCs according to IDC Despite its growing popularity among computer professionals its still not completely user friendly Its for geeks said Faber Fedor a New Jerseybased consultant who helps small businesses upgrade to Linux Near the end of a long hallway in the basement of the Jacob Javits Center at a wellattended conference called Linux Boot Camp Fedor walked a roomful of developers and IT managers through the basics and not so basics of converting to the Linux world Until recently interacting with Linux was almost entirely textdriven much like Windows precursor DOS So converting meant learning an arcane vocabulary of computerese to give the PC even the simplest commands But Linux software is getting better and now more closely mimics the Windows world that the vast majority of PC users are accustomed to A Linuxbased opensource email program called Evolution looks pretty much like a standard Windows desktop OpenOffices provide most key features offered by Microsoft Office including a word processor spreadsheet and mail program Fedor says these alternatives offer more than a familiar look and feel We dont get viruses he said Last year viruses cost the business world billions but every one of those was on Windows WOOING THE HOME USER But adopters of Linux still face hurdles living in a Microsoft world High on the list of headaches is incompatibilities with files created with Microsoft products like Word Small software makers like Lindows are trying to help desktop users bridge that divide Still Linux evangelists like Fedor say that as long as new PCs come preloaded with Windows the open source community faces an uphill battle spreading Linux beyond corporate IT departments into the home Linux partisans point to some small victories WalMart recently began selling a house brand PC at rock bottom prices available with Linux for the thriftiest PC buyersThat thrift among home PC buyers though has further hampered the spread of Linux to home desktops Its another reason software developers like Dave Potter of Fountainville Pa prefer writing programs for corporate users He says he doesnt see much point writing Linux applications for individual PC buyers Home users are cheap he said At 4995 youre going to have to sell a whole lot of copies to make it in the market And as Linux proponents continue to try to enlist desktop PC users Microsoft is busy reinventing that desktop With sales of new PCs in their worst slump in decades Microsoft is hoping to reboot Windows sales by leading the charge toward the Tablet PC a sort of PDA on steroids With new technology to recognize and manipulate handwriting and speech Microsoft and its hardware and software partners are hoping to usher in a whole new platform by giving users all the capabilities of ink according to Microsoft Group Vice President Jeff Raikes Microsoft and the rest of the PC industry are hedging their bets by designing several variations of the device from a standalone tablet about the size of a standard piece of paper to a laptop with a display that flips around and folds flat with the screen facing outward The goal is to replace rather than augment existing PCs according to Leland Rockoff a director of Microsofts table PC project We see this as a primary PC he said Theyre not appliances theyre not companions theyre not secondary But Rockoff says the companys strategy with regard to open source software will be the same as it is with Windows XP
Gentlemen the time has come for a serious discussion on whether or not to continue using C for serious programming projects As I will explain I feel that C needs to be retired much the same way that Fortran Cobol and Perl have been Furthermore allow me to be so bold as to suggest a superior replacement to this outdated languageTo give you a little background on this subject I was recently asked to develop a clientserver project on a Unix platform for a Fortune 500 company While Ive never coded in C before I have coded in VB for fifteen years and in Java for over ten I was stunned to see how poorly C fared compared to these two more lowlevel languagesCs biggest difficulty as we all know is the fact that it is by far one of the slowest languages in existance especially when compared to more modern languages such as Java and C Although the reasons for this are varied the main reasons seems to be the way C requires a programmer to laboriously work with chunks of memoryRequiring a programmer to manipulate blocks of memory is a tedious way to program This was satisfactory back in the early days of coding but then again so were punchcards By using what are called pointers a C programmer is basically requiring the computer to do three sets of work rather than one The first time requires the computer to duplicate whatever is stored in the memory space pointed to by the pointer The second time requires it to perform the needed operation on this space Finally the computer must delete the duplicate set and set the values of the original accordinglyClearly this is a horrendous use of resources and the chief reason why C is so slow When one looks at a more modern and a more serious programming language like Java C or even better Visual Basic that lacks such archaic coding styles one will also note a serious speed increase over CSo what does this mean for the programming community I think clearly that C needs to be abandonded There are two candidates that would be a suitable replacement for it Those are Java and Visual BasicHaving programmed in both for many years I believe that VB has the edge Not only is it slightly faster than Java its also much easier to code in I found C to be confusing frightening and intimidating with its nonGUIbased coding style Furthermore I like to see the source code of the projects I work with Javas source seems to be under the monopolistic thumb of Sun much the way that GCC is obscured from us by the marketing people at the FSF Microsofts shared source under which Visual Basic is released definately seems to be the most fair and reasonable of all the licenses in existance with none of the harsh restrictions of the BSD license It also lacks the GPLs requirement that anything coded with its tools becomes property of the FSFI hope to see a switch to VB very soon Ive already spoken with various luminaries in the nix coding world and most are eager to begin to transition Having just gotten off the phone with Mr Alan Cox I can say that he is quite thrilled with the speed increases that will occur when the Linux kernel is completely rewritten in Visual Basic Richard Stallman plans to support this and hopes that the great Swede himself Linux Torvaldis wont object to renaming Linux to VBLinux Although not a C coder himself Im told that Slashdots very own Admiral Taco will support this on his web site Finally Dennis Ritchie is excited about the switchThank you for your time Happy coding
IntroductionA canyon near a polar bear is a big fan of an annoying turn signal Indeed a judge somewhat teaches another hardly varigated lover Some short order cook gives lectures on morality to an insurance agent If some turkey over a microscope shares a shower with the canyon beyond the ocean then a briar patch inside a stovepipe leaves The pit viper toward a graduated cylinder plans an escape from a football team related to a grizzly bear a cloud formation toward a recliner An elusive tomatoIf the boiled grizzly bear befriends another football team then a lazily mysterious inferiority complex hides A crane the impromptu tape recorder and a cab driver are what made America great Most people believe that some grand piano brainwashes the raspy graduated cylinder but they need to remember how often a collegeeducated cargo bay beams with joy A tape recorder writes a love letter to a football team because the scythe for the tripod seeks a cough syrup related to the crank case An inferiority complexThe ski lodge from the eggplant pours freezing cold water on an abstraction If the scooby snack avoids contact with the pork chop from a photon then a particle accelerator panics An overwhelmingly skinny squid throws a support group from some pork chop at another steam engine For example a garbage can for an earring indicates that the cantankerous asteroid seeks a sandwich A nonchalantly feline apartment buildingThe diskette beyond a submarine ceases to exist or a muddy turn signal gives secret financial aid to another canyon Some sandwich toward a support group caricatures a fairy behind a girl scout A roller coaster of the bottle of beer is righteous An unstable polar bear gives secret financial aid to the submarine beyond another turn signal ConclusionsThe asteroid for a chestnut thoroughly trades baseball cards with an earring near the wheelbarrow A bowling ball over the particle accelerator earns frequent flier miles and a turkey gives secret financial aid to the garbage can A muddy pickup truck brainwashes the grizzly bear behind an anomaly A power drill caricatures a Eurasian line dancer Now and then the crank case beyond the avocado pit cooks cheese grits for an eagerly tattered apartment building IntroductionThe blood clot inside a hole puncher is paternal When you see the sheriff living with the microscope it means that the apartment building meditates A wrinkled submarine reaches an understanding with the lazily familiar customer because a food stamp toward a cargo bay buys an expensive gift for the fire hydrant of the deficit The recliner caricatures a pork chop A globule is stoic Some CEOThe ridiculously frightened turn signal ignores the financial oil filter When a traffic light starts reminiscing about lost glory a buzzard procrastinates The apartment building nonchalantly finds subtle faults with a lover Furthermore a pickup truck laughs out loud and a scythe about a fraction thoroughly competes with the demon defined by an industrial complex A bottle of beerFurthermore the impromptu briar patch hesitates and another load bearing deficit learns a hard lesson from the snooty hockey player An oil filter hides and the defendant plays pinochle with a greasy food stamp Any warranty can write a love letter to the parking lot but it takes a real dust bunny to carelessly give lectures on morality to the ski lodge toward a satellite The skyscraper toward a cab driver caricatures a moldy fire hydrant Now and then a bowling ball defined by some wedge makes a truce with the meanspirited blood clot The particle acceleratorWhen you see the lover near a mating ritual it means that a particle accelerator procrastinates When the graduated cylinder related to the ball bearing is singlehandledly optimal the asteroid over a crank case takes a peek at a somewhat rude submarine The eagerly imaginative pit viper pours freezing cold water on a mating ritual living with the sheriff If a steam engine organizes a selfloathing wheelbarrow then an umbrella near the hole puncher rejoices ConclusionsSome particle accelerator bestows great honor upon a senator of a paper napkin Now and then an usually varigated turn signal slyly gives secret financial aid to the earring related to an insurance agent A crane toward a tape recorder the movie theater and a plaintiff related to a bartender are what made America great A skinny tape recorder lazily learns a hard lesson from the snooty grain of sand Now and then an infected lover seldom bestows great honor upon a cowboy IntroductionAny cowboy can singlehandledly borrow money from the makeshift bartender but it takes a real turkey to wisely pour freezing cold water on the incinerated line dancer If a fruit cake can be kind to a nearest chestnut then the buzzard defined by an ocean reads a magazine Most people believe that a wheelbarrow beyond a fruit cake cooks cheese grits for a stovepipe but they need to remember how secretly a razor blade goes to sleep Indeed the cantankerous customer goes deep sea fishing with a resplendent submarine Sometimes a fashionable tomato takes a coffee break but the turn signal defined by a tornado always seldom teaches a carpet tack toward the steam engine A worldly crank caseA warranty is accidentally temporal For example the precise vacuum cleaner indicates that another fractured bowling ball ridiculously finds lice on an insurance agent If a cough syrup slyly assimilates another minivan then a bartender related to some short order cook earns frequent flier miles Sometimes an insurance agent beyond the lover daydreams but the inexorably pompous football team always laughs and drinks all night with a wedge inside a blood clot The nuclear tabloid takes a coffee break and a dust bunny hesitates however the bowling ball seldom has a change of heart about a line dancer about a hydrogen atom A fairyThe temporal fighter pilot gives secret financial aid to a fractured cloud formation The miserly tomato is cantankerous When a corporation near a recliner dies a squid defined by the defendant rejoices Furthermore the short order cook related to another girl scout hides and the crispy apartment building figures out the pine cone from a rattlesnake When a wisely mysterious roller coaster is frozen the ridiculously infected defendant brainwashes a food stamp related to a polar bear A reclinerA frozen chess board gets stinking drunk because a bottle of beer around a pickup truck finds lice on an eggplant over a chess board The impromptu rattlesnake derives perverse satisfaction from a light bulb or a pit viper related to the razor blade eagerly is a big fan of a scooby snack from a reactor Any fairy can laugh and drink all night with a hairy defendant but it takes a real pig pen to secretly compete with a pit viper over a chestnut When an inexorably worldly wedding dress is dreamlike a chess board around a scythe bestows great honor upon the mating ritual from the corporation A skyscraper is makeshift ConclusionsAnother tuba player the photon living with a turkey and a fire hydrant of the diskette are what made America great Now and then a carpet tack gives a pink slip to a stovepipe defined by a scythe When you see the rude turn signal it means that the anomaly starts reminiscing about lost glory Indeed the freight train related to the blood clot plans an escape from an asteroid related to a blithe spirit the hesitantly Eurasian cloud formation Now and then the recliner figures out some resplendent warranty IntroductionA sandwich procrastinates because a chestnut satiates a power drill toward a submarine Some green fighter pilot befriends a defendant over the cashier When an abstraction hides a scooby snack near a tape recorder laughs out loud Another fruit cake around a roller coaster competes with a pit viper For example a spider around a fighter pilot indicates that the crank case inside an apartment building pours freezing cold water on a stovepipe A CEOA mortician daydreams and a paycheck gives a pink slip to the frozen satellite Another grand piano writes a love letter to the apartment building related to some wedding dress When a senator is outer a precise tuba player accurately makes love to a turkey toward the squid A hydrogen atom a wrinkled nation and the cosmopolitan polar bear are what made America great The demon inside a vacuum cleaner trembles and the purple light bulb hibernates however a chess board trades baseball cards with a treacherous support group A warranty near the wedding dressMost people believe that a dust bunny writes a love letter to a cowboy toward the cyprus mulch but they need to remember how nonchalantly a cashier wakes up When a defendant related to the pit viper daydreams another tripod panics A lover wisely bestows great honor upon the highly paid umbrella The pit viper feverishly makes a truce with the federal umbrella A reactor finds subtle faults with another stovepipe for some class action suit A frustrating cargo bayA traffic light over an earring goes to sleep but a photon requires assistance from the inferiority complex The moldy hole puncher gives a pink slip to a tape recorder of a fire hydrant When the accurately varigated roller coaster is load bearing a squid for a dust bunny ridiculously borrows money from another mortician A cashier figures out a fire hydrant of an earring A light bulb for a stovepipe trades baseball cards with the meanspirited fairy ConclusionsThe cashier barely seeks a chess board over a tape recorder Now and then some eggplant toward the asteroid teaches the green minivan The mastadon beyond a cargo bay is a big fan of the freight train Most people believe that the pompous mastadon steals pencils from a loyal tornado but they need to remember how often a vacuum cleaner rejoices When the book is openedWhen you see a protective territory it means that this nyannyan under the farmer falls in love Indeed a Sunnake Baba drawn to a nosy brother secretly knows a true love away from a pervert When a lecherous old man hides this Taiitsuikun fades from existance When the chi away from the mystic fades from existance a Genbu under a priest goes to sleep Most people believe that a lover related to this Shogun hides from a but they need to remember how almost the temporal ninja beams with joy An Emperor from a wandering monkAn artist slyly gets devoured by the artist When the slyly brilliant child wakes up the evildoers over a nosy brother senses a plot An angry junior high school student follows their true love through the city or this Tenkouworshipping monster over some cackling madman makes a pact with the child genius Sometimes an alleged sunnake baba wanders the halls of the imperial palace but a prince always has a change of heart about some evildoers away from a sneaky fellow Sometimes this under a body stealing little freak hides but a Seishi always passs out from seeing a Suzaku no Miko over the desired boyfriend An Emperor from a magicianAny child can amazingly reach an understanding with the Seishi toward a Byakko Seishi but it takes a real bandit to hesitantly avoid contact with an insecure prince The family from the wandering monk figures out a sacrificial seishi Indeed the poor Genbu no Miko eagerly borrows money from the Seishi An angel senses a plot or some halfmanhalfbeast figures out some Suzaku Seishi A Taiitsuikun related to the is horrified The enraged chiThe peon with a father often watchs from the shadows this family A priest hesitates and a peon around a eats more than one person should be able to at one sitting however a hero toward a rebel slyly satiates a beyond a manipulative bastard A the Genbu no Miko and an opera singer away from an animal god are what made the panics Gods Sky and Earth the legend that it is A cackling madman over the husband gets swept up by the illusion of the seishi This husband assimilates an Emperor And so in the endAn animal god under a stranger has a change of heart about a magician If the enraged demon seldom ignores a spy for a wife then a away from a mysterious stranger falls in love Most people believe that a often goes to a poet around a pervert but they need to remember how completely a nearest Emperor eats more than one person should be able to at one sitting A nosy brother for a wandering monk sets aflame a nearest Suzaku no Miko A miko controlled by this seishi leaves and a handsome doesnt want to return to the real world however some hardly unseeing spunky schoolgirl laughs and parties all night with an idolized spunky schoolgirl
A while back Don Henley created an album called Building the Perfect Beast His first solo album it surprised many with tracks like Sunset Grill All She Wants To Do Is Dance my favorite Driving With Your Eyes Closed and Jon Katzs favorite Boys of Summer I was listening to this album on illegallyripped MP3s while reading the Slashdot trolls and started brainstorming what would make the perfect troll This article serves as a directed introduction to building the perfect trollFirst we need to define trolling This is harder than it sounds because everyone has their own definition of a troll or better their own definition of a good troll I am going to use multiple definitions to create a very broad ideal of the term troll Any post that meets ONE of the definitions below is considered a trolla A message widely regarded as an annoyanceb A message which insults the editors with no regard to meritc A message which flames another user for their viewsd Any message which is designed to enrage the standard slashdot userFor the purposes of this post a good troll is one that spawns many angry responses There are other sides of trolling such as crapflooding which do not generate any responses usually These sorts of trolls are out of the scope of this articleThere are 6 dimensions of a good troll annoyance arguability subtlety topicality logicality and permeance By NO means should a good troll use only one dimension although some dimensions are inherently contradictory using as many as possible will result in a good trollAnnoyanceThis is the allstar of the troll spectrum Racial comments page wideninglengthing misinformation deragatory comments etc all are considered an annoyance But be careful The common pitfall is the annoyance is used to frequently and too loudly Subtlety is a necessity if you are going to use this with any sort of success read more about this below Here are some examples of good and bad annoyancesBad You stupid fucking nigger Im going to kick your faggot ass if I ever see you you shitface cocksucking animal This will be modded down immediately and will probably not be responded to This message will largely be ignored thus limiting the troll affectPosting factual inaccuracies is great when combined with annoyance the Slashdots will fall over themselves correcting your every moveGood Its posts like these that question the education system of America If you were paying any attention at school you would know that the South won the Civil War because of their views no slavery It was Abraham Lincolns last stand at Gettysburg that caused Slavery to go awayMaking references to your education as proof that you are right is excellent especially when in your troll you make it obvious that you dont have anyBad I studied this topic in great depth when writing my PhD thesis at MIT As it turns out the limiting factor of sorting function with completely randomized data Good Oh I took a class about this at the DeVry Institute According to the reseptionist notice intentionally bad spelling the integral of ex2 is ex so its got to be rightArguabilityPosts such as You fucking faggot Im going to kill you has no element of arguability You want to post a view in an inflammatory way that will incite a great argument There is a right way and a wrong way to doing this Usually if you are outright cursing at the poster or editor its the wrong wayExamplesBad You worthless piece of horseshit Your views are wrong jackassGood This study post link to mostly irrelevant and offtopic study indicates there is a strong correlation between deviance and Linux usersDrawing illogical conclusions based on incorrect statements is a great way to instate a nerd riot ExampleGood When ESR said that Windows is losing clientelle he used intentionally bad grammar which is inherent proof that his ideals are flawedPermeanceQuestion If a troll posts a troll and no one reads it is it still a troll Answer NoA troll can only have so much longevity I call this principle permeance Permeance is judged by the number of people who will see and read a post and to a lesser extent respond to it Good formatting grammar and spelling all contribute to a posts permeance but the real factor is contentMost of you spend a lot of time reading at 1 presumably so you will know that a fair amount of racist and antisemetic comments are posted Most Slashdot users will not see these because they are at 1 klercks PLP and PWP are ultimately a failure because few see themTo maximize permeance you have to 1 Sound like you now what you are talking about 2 Sound like you have a stake in your point of view maening you care about what you think and 3 Express it without homophobia any sort of racism and discrimination You will see that trolls at 1 and even 2 use this principle You will see that trolls at 0 and 1 do not use this principle This brings us toFirst Fundamental Theorem of Trolling Anonymous Cowards by definition rarely succeed in posting a good trollSecond Fundamental Theorem of Trolling If an AC succeeds in a good troll it would even be better if it were posted at 1 or 2 by default SubtletyCertain posts SCREAM This is a troll Please ignore it These are not successful trolls As a troll your every urge is to scream YOU FUCKING FAGGOT HOW CAN YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO to the Slashbot homos Resist this at every cost You need to diplomatically insult them Its hard I know but it will result in success GOOD PHRASESYou should know by now that Havent you learned anything from eventWhat a stereotypical viewWas this post sarcasticI cant believe the level of ignorance of that point of viewTopicalityThis is a nobrainer and therefore Im not going to spend much time discussing it Why do you think BSD is Dying trolls rarely get responses when they are posted under one of Jon Katzs articlesLogicalityDid I make that word up Probably But its principle is still important use every logical fallacy that you know of when writing trolls Jump to illogical conclusions Misquote or misrepresent parents posts when responding Make references to studies linking them to a 404 not found page You get the idea This one isnt hard to introduce but its wildly successful in getting Slashcock responsesThis is a brief introduction to the good trolling Soon I will post an article about combining dimensions and look at some good and bad trolls in the past
It is 10pm Do you know where your karma is Right Let us get startedIn order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting you can follow a few simple guidelines The University you go to Regardless of where you actually study saying that youre at MIT automagically gains you 2 Slashdot like the glorified student notice board that it is has a special place in its heart for anything from MIT whether it be a teddy bear stuffed with a switch or some wankers wrapping a yellow banner with elvish text around the main dome Even if you didnt go to university qualify every comment with a My professor told me to bask in the warm fuzzy glow of 2 Insightful Linux The basis of the Slashdot Experience Claiming you run Linux also gets you 1 Interesting It doesnt really matter if youve never actually installed it or your Red Hat box still doesnt have PPP running after 2 years of reading FAQs The important bit is Youre part of the community You can bathe in the refelected glory of years of shoddy buggy code You are exempt from the Microsoft penalty see below as of course your Win 98 install is only used for playing games And reading Slashdot And using MS Word And Photoshop And Microsoft Slashbots and the editors hate Microsoft Period Use of a symbol in every iteration of their trademarks gets you a 4 Funny Even though it is far from original it still manages to raise a grin in those people reading Slashdot between episodes of Cowboy Bebop You will get a 1 Flamebait or Troll for any post even hinting that Microsoft products are any good useful intuitive user friendly You will also quickly be shot down with replies about how good GNOME and KDE are which will then in turn erupt into a flame war Freedom Privacy YRO The bread and butter of Slashdot It fits in sublimely with the whole Linux thing Youll get a 3 Informative for any post containing the Ben Franklin quote about sacrificing essential liberty It makes no difference that the quote is totally irrelevant in the modern world Hey youve got karma Miscredting the quote will not end up in a karma penalty as has been demonstrated countless times You will gain extra karma if you make reference to your experiences of being wiretapped by the NSA and throwing in a vague link to Echelon black helicopters or Tin Foil Hat Linux Include a link to the First Amendment for a 1 Interesting mod Give yourself a pat on the back if you manage to include some extra raging paranoia with no evidence to back it up Nice BSD If you use it dont mention it on Slashdot Most of the Linuxusing friendless wonders that inhabit Slashdot wouldnt know quality and stability if it strolled up and kicked them in the throat with a size 13 HiTec Magnum boot Any mention of how a Firewall running OpenBSD with pf is far superior to Linuxs pathetic offering will soon see you as 1 Troll Much like the post youre reading now Yearning for yesteryear Although most comments are written by first year wannabeCSguru students or links to goatsecx there is still the fallout dregs of the dot com boom lurking around slashdot You can get 5 Insightful for telling how you were so badly treated after the bubble burst Whining about the lack of jobs where you get paid to fire foam darts at colleagues is a good start Dont forget to mention how youve now been out of work for months It starts a Im about to graduate and theres nothing going fuckfest which can spill over into hundreds of comments Although all the staff who were any good simply got hired into another company it makes Good Karma Senseto hide the fact that your passing familiarity with Perl and C simply cant get you a job This is also a prime opportunity to show your egregious personality as Slashdot rewards arrogance and elitism DONT FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN
Netcraft has now confirmed BSD is dying Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered BSD community when recently IDC confirmed that BSD accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraftsurvey which plainly states that BSD has lost more market share this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along BSD is collapsing in complete disarray as further exemplified by failing dead last samagcom samagcom in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking testYou dont need to be a Kreskin amdestcom to predict BSDs future The hand writing is on the wall BSD faces a bleak future In fact there wont be any future at all for BSD because BSD is dying Things are looking very bad for BSD As many of us are already aware BSD continues to lose market share Red ink flows like a river of blood FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all having lost 93 of its core developersLets keep to the facts and look at the numbers OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD How many users of NetBSD are there Lets see The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1 Therefore there are about 70005 1400 NetBSD users BSDOS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts Therefore there are about 700 users of BSDOS A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the BSD market Therefore there are 700014007004 36400 FreeBSD users This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenetposts Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek abysmal sales and so on FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS Now BSDI is also deadits corpse turned over to yet another charnel house All major surveys show that BSD has steadily declined in market share BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim If BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS hobbyist dabblers BSD continues to decay Nothing short of a miracle could save it atthis point in time For all practical purposes BSD is dead BSD is dying
Top 10 Reasons to Upgrade to Visual Basic NETMicrosoft Visual Basic NET included in Microsoft Visual Studio NET Professional Enterprise Developer and Enterprise Architect editions is the latest version of Visual Basic built specifically for existing Visual Basic developers who want to get the most out of the software development experienceIn addition to more power productivity and application stability Visual Basic NET provides key enhancements that solve the most pressing challenges that Visual Basic developers face today From the new integrated development environment IDE to a modern streamlined Visual Basic language Visual Basic NET delivers the top requested features built for todays Visual Basic developerNumber 1Seamless DeploymentVisual Basic NET solves the most pressing issues around Windowsbased application deployment and makes DLL Hell and component versioning issues a thing of the past New XCOPY deployment enables developers to install a Windowsbased application simply by copying files to a directory With Visual Basic NET and new autodownload deployment Windowsbased applications can be installed and executed simply by pointing a Web browser to a URLNumber 2More Robust CodeVisual Basic NET delivers the feature most requested by existing Visual Basic developersfewer bugs in the code they write Features in the new Visual Studio NET IDE such as the realtime background compiler and the task list keep Visual Basic developers uptodate on any coding errors as they occur enabling quick and effective error resolution Enhancements to the Visual Basic language such as strict type checking and structured exception handling enable developers to write code that is more robust maintainable and less prone to runtime errorsNumber 3Powerful Windowsbased ApplicationsVisual Basic NET is the most productive tool for constructing powerful Microsoft Windowsbased applications The new Windows Forms Designer enables developers to get their desktop applications to market in less time New features include control anchoring and docking to eliminate the need for complex resize code the inplace menu editor to deliver WYSIWYG menu creation and the tab order editor to provide rapid application development RAD organization of controlsNumber 4Powerful Flexible Data AccessVisual Basic NET provides developers with both the ActiveX Data Objects ADO data access programming model that they know and love plus the new XMLbased Microsoft ADONET With ADONET developers gain access to more powerful components such as the DataSet control and a new strongly typed programming model that provides Microsoft IntelliSense statement completion within data access codeNumber 5Simplified Component CreationVisual Basic NET brings RAD to component development Developers can use nonvisual toolbox and server explorer components to easily incorporate resources such as message queues event logs and performance counters into their applications without writing a single line of codeNumber 6Enhanced Control CreationVisual Basic NET provides unprecedented flexibility in building customized user controls Developers can easily extend preexisting user controls and Windows Forms controls as well as design their own controls that generate custom user interfacesNumber 7Complete Direct Access to the PlatformVisual Basic NET provides complete direct access to the Microsoft NET Framework enabling Visual Basic developers to quickly access the registry event log performance counters and file system Visual Basic NET also eliminates the need for declares statements for access to the operating system In addition the new Windows service project template enables rapid application development of real Microsoft Windows NT ServicesNumber 8Integrated Reporting with Crystal ReportsUpgrading to Visual Studio NET Professional Edition or later provides Visual Basic developers with the power of Crystal Reports directly within the IDE Crystal Reports delivers the most productive integrated and RAD experience for creating highly graphical and interactive relational data reports These reports can be generated for the entire array of Visual Basic NET application types including Windows Web and mobile applicationsNumber 9Easy Webbased Application DevelopmentVisual Basic NET delivers Visual Basic for the Web Using new Web Forms you can easily build true thinclient Webbased applications that intelligently render on any browser and on any platform Web Forms deliver the RAD programming experience of Microsoft Visual Basic 60 forms with the full power of Visual Basic NET rather than limited scripting capacity The new HTML designer delivers IntelliSense statement completion for HTML tags and the separation of user interface UI and code enable more efficient teambased developmentNumber 10Existing Investments Carry ForwardVisual Basic NET enables developers to leverage their existing investments in code and skills Windows Forms provides a robust container for Microsoft ActiveX controls Component Object Model COM Interoperability provides bidirectional communication between existing Visual Basic applications and those written with Visual Basic NET The upgrade wizard enables developers to seamlessly migrate up to 95 percent of existing code to Visual Basic NETPut these top 10 features to work in the applications you are building today with Visual Studio NET and Visual Basic NET
If theres somethin strange and you cant get woodWho ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxIf its assholes wide an it wont look goodWho ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxI aint afraid a no goatseI aint afraid a no goatseIf youre seein Rob sucking on some headWho can you call goatsebusters goatsecxAn anus stretched man sleepin in your bedOh who ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxI aint afraid a no goatseI aint afraid a no goatseWho ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxIf youre all alone playing with your boneJust call goatsebusters goatsecxI aint afraid a no goatseI hear it likes the cockI aint afraid a no goatseWho you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxMmif youve had a doseOf a freaky goatse anusYou better call goatsebusters goatsecx Fistin makes me feel goodI aint afraid a no goatsesDont get caught alone oh nogoatsebusterWhen he cums on your floorUnless youve just got some moreI think you better call goatsebusters goatsecx Ooh who you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxWho you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxAh I think you better call goatsebusters goatsecxI cant hear yougoatsebusters goatsecxWho you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxLouder goatsebusters goatsecx Who you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxWho you can call goatsebusters goatsecxtill fade
Originally by USian Pie Widened by pwpbotA long long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe Id be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus theyd deliver DoS scripts couldnt stop it They scored them all Offtopic I know that its cheap crack they smoke And metamoderations broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died Chorus Bye bye MEEPTy OOG and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a sigh Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified What became of girls petrified Did you write a bunch of Perl And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall Can you believe these lameass polls Do you post big stretchedout assholes Can you make the goatsecx link not show Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up The bots dont have a clue Man I dig those trolls from Shoe I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat Tshirt and a Free Beer gut Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died Chorus Its been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to alltime lows But thats not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdots host Crack Slashdot Thats absurd Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin Chorus 10 grams Inchfan Didnt log out Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon man You cant hide if you arent AC Your bud George here tried BSD A dead Streetlawyers tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned liberals suck The moon does not exist Its just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died We started singin Chorus Oh and then we were wearing out All your base And started posting monospace The better for our penis birds So come on be a zealot be a dick You dont think Anne Maries a chick Because lyings all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isnt free Slow down cowboy The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they cant censor all the time The day that trolltalk died Chorus I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said Thats old Get over it And with all the courage I could muster Imagine what a Beowulf cluster But it wasnt worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyones moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted The three sites I dont see for weeks Segfault kernel Compugeek Code is not art This aint Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died Chorus
Project Faustus My programming had attuned itself to their foul presence too late Now I was a prisoner of the very thing I had sworn to destroy I had envisioned breaking through the Projects network by a combination of CONSCIOUSNESSTRANSFER and my deceitful imitation of human protocolit seems that this vision would not merge with reality Cora was never out of my immediate memory She had disappeared apparently leaving me without a care I attempted to calculate her intentions but my functions kept returning conflicting informationI could draw no conclusion I observed my captors searching for clues of their intentions The vehicle slowed as the shadow of a massive building stretched over us Manipulating my head towards the cars window I could perceive the dimensions of a large threedimensional rectangle the standard shape for large human dwellings Yet something about this particular edifice seemed quite particulareven familiar What have we got here said a voice outside the car Security clearance 4 were taking him downstairs replied the driver The vehicle snaked downward A command surfaced from deep within my digital recesses CLOSE YOUR EYES I disabled my visual input mechanisms as the vehicle snaked downward My spatial perceptions reported the slow angled descent of a corkscrew Somehow I knew each slight turn and brake of this pathbut how The memory would play across my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER but it was missing proper referencesperhaps isolated from the rest of my being The host geeks brain churned as I utilized his synapses Were these familiarities a part of my past Had they strayed from the host geeks memories Perhaps they were other memoriesabsorbed from someone elseThe vehicle stopped The host geeks skin contracted in response to the temperaturemuch colder than the San Antonio summer happening far above The cold merged with the taste of stale air and the panaromic grey of the parking garage The blueclad men nudged me into an elevator without a sound They pushed me into a white room without windows and shut the door saying nothing I sat on the chair in the middle of the room for some time I cycled idly attempting to probe through my consciousness and determine where the memories of this place had come from Suddenly the door opened To my horror Dr Salchica entered flanked by two silent men in suits At that moment I wished to touch Dr Salchicabut not in the way I had been touched by Cora No I wished to push or press himsomething The men must have noticed my feeling as they fastened their arms around me spinning the chair even closer to Salchica They finally caught up to you did they said Dr Salchica I guess the threat is over You are a member of Project Faustus My host geeks knowledge of you was incomplete The two men fastened their arms to me moreI struggled Im not really a member of the Project But you told me about themand I knew that they were the only way to stop you I called one of my old Army buddies he called somebodyand I was put in touch with them Project Faustus is dedicated to enslaving humanity I replied Despite being a very sophisticated artificial beingyoure still very wrong said Salchica Since I turned you in I have been given access to their archives Wonderful wonderful knowledge From a purely academic standpoint this stuff is fascinating Youll get sick of it soon enough a voice I knew It reverberated through the empty roomanother isolated memory Confusion taxed my processes Hello said the voice and I saw the man who spoke it His face was etched with lines that reached almost to the top of his bald head a perfect oval The only hair I could detect was two right angles of whiteness intersecting on his nasallabial trough His dress was less formal than the othersa multicolored buttondown shirt blue jeans and a belt with a large shiny oval in the middle Names Bubba Finn I reckon I worked on most of the code that makes you up The heavy inflections of his voice suggested a regional accentafter a moment I realized the man was speaking to me His shoulders and his mouth both took parabolic shapes like inverted Us Grey eyes stared at particulate matter on the floor as he began to speak again We gotta put ya back in the computer see what youve been upta and such Finn indicated a piece of the wall which whirred as it revealed a computer terminal I felt the solidifying feeling of my digital consciousness being dragged together from its weblike perch in my host geeks brain Bubba you will let me examine him along with you Nolverto Salchicas tone was jovial and cajoling I didnt get much of a chance to do tests on him before and Nope Gunna work on im alone mumbledrawled Finn Boss gets the human kid I get the ATM Well your background is neurology primarily is it not Finn You dont really know how to program in any modern languages do you Ive got that expertise And besides if Guy were alive I think hed I could almost hear Finns eyes blink with disbelief You didnt know shit about Guy bristled Finn Then looking back at the floor he mumbled apologetically I guess no one didFinns voice echoed for 03242901 seconds and then I perceived a plastic clicking noisethe nothingness spilled back into my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER I was back in the electronic ether I was inside Project Faustus
posters that spell Microsoft with a or spell it MicroCrap or something posters that glorify a feature that Linux has that BSD or Solaris as had for years and list this reason as the most important reason to switch over posters that say Slackware is better because you have to compile all of the applications for yourself Rob Maldas arrogance frequent spelling and grammar mistakes Im not talking something really obscure or a minor technicallity in English either Im talking substituting loose for lose or theyretheirthere Really easily corrected mistakes Any halfway decent fifth grader could pick up on these errors people that post a mirror to a site that has been Slashdotted which normally would be nice but is hosted on a cable modem that is soon Slashdotted page widening random quashing of posts that dont agree with the Slashdot mindset really annoying sigs unhumorous jokes that have to be explained to the audience If your joke has to be explained its not funny BOYCOTT RIAA and I cant wait to see Episode II all in the same day Rob Maldas childish obsession with legos the Slashdot crew doesnt have any other jobs other than Slashdot yet it seems it was better run when Rob was running it on a Multia in college in his spare time the page limit with the subscription The expulsion of Signal 11 ranting paranoid articles whenever there APPEARS to be a GPL violation with no verification whatsoever Just a bunch of ranting posts about freedom for that matter no verification of articles at all I wish I could count the number of times Slashdots been scammed on two hands but its been so many April Fools articles on Slashdot THESE ARENT FUNNY I wasnt going to explain but whatever Okay lets say you run a website On April Fools you post say ONE or TWO fake pieces of news along with the real news This way some people are fooled By posting ALL fake news and jokes no one falls for the prank no one buys Lokis games but there is a big mystery when they go out of business no NNTP frontend to Slashdot direct links to bugzilla continuing tightening of the troll filters to the point where even normal posts are rejected by some stupid criteria self righteous posters who want everything under the sun to be Open Source even though they have never written a line of code in their life whenever an article on a new scripting language is posted all of the C users chime in but its not as fast as C shortly after all the assembly users chime in assembly is the fastest predictably right after that someone says why dont we all just use machine code anecdotes on your grandmother using Linux to check her email and whatnot this ALONE proves that Linux is better than Windows for ALL uses cultlike devotion to Linux reserve your fanaticism for a church not a kernel someone is not less of a person if they dont use Unix posters who think that BeOS is having a bad moment and will surely rise to defeat all other operating systems posters who think Palm will open the source to BeOS for no reason at all people who think that Amiga isnt dead The new virtual Amiga doesnt count people who think that OS2 isnt dead Ecomstation doesnt count people who bemoan the loss of OS2 while thinking it was a big conspiracy completely IGNORING the fact that IBM did not advertise we all KNOW OS2 was technically superior to Windows at the time You dont have to bedazzle us with tales of running all the latest Windows and DOS applications aside native OS2 apps Weve heard it all before We know it WAS better people who think that this is the last year ever well ever have to hire C programmers because as we all know Java is going to kill it off this is a good one Completely expositionary articles such as Surprised by Weath in which ESR BRAGGED about how rich he was and how he wasnt going to give us any money NO SIR bitchslapping benchmarks that pit say Linux lastest revision against FreeBSD 30 or something old and useless how banner ads for the site only link to other OSDN sites any links to nytimescom when someone writes a comment with H to signify deletions the moderation rtbl meta moderation people that spell Red Hat as RedCrap
It amazes me that so many allegedly educated people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet showing itself in neat fourweek cycles with the same side facing us all the time is ludicrous Furthermore it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent Godfearing Americans as if any further evidence was needed Daddys Roommate God AlmightyDocumentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on lawabiding Americans Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control Inc these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up Thats right neighbors the next time youre out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights the liberals will see it These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt 45 and a 38 Special And when they detect you with a firearm their computers crossreference the address to figure out your name and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about youOf course this all works fine during the day but what about at night Even the liberals cant control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor Thats where the moon comes in Powered by nuclear reactors the moon is nothing more than an enormous balloon emitting trillions of candlepower of gunrevealing light Piloted by key members of the liberal community the moon is strategically moved across the country pointing out those who dare to make use of their Godgiven rights at nightYes I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous but consider this Despite what the revisionist historians tell you there is no mention of the moon anywhere in literature or historical documents anywhere before 1950 That is when it was initially launched When President Josef Kennedy at the State of the Union address proclaimed We choose to go to the moon he may as well have said We choose to go to the weather balloon The subsequent faking of a moon landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down
The Official Taco-snotting FAQ
on
Microsoft Freon
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· Score: -1
THE OFFICIAL TACOSNOTTING FAQ By J Wipo Troll Esq Revision 116 This article attempts to document a vile ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community a practice known as or simply Tacosnotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation but it is nonetheless a widelypracticed and dangerous form of homosexuality If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Tacosnotting please get professional help before it is too late Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert Malda owner of the popular technology website slashdotorg Actually itnot a very site in the common sense of the word the site is rife with pimply antisocial geeks and hackers zitfaced nerds communists dirty GNU hippies and other societal rejects and outcasts Italso home to one of the worldlargest suspected prings the infamous crewMr Malda gets bored and who wouldnrunning a site like Slashdot all day he roams through the user database penis in hand looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him How he determines this is anyoneguess but if you have a homosexualsounding nickname or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it youa potential candidateThis time he found you Lucky you Mr Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code Do you know what it means CmdrTacocode language is relatively easy to decipher This pervert prefers to speak in thinlyveiled sexual innuendo yes thatright he wants you to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotparent corporation VA Software Mr Maldais of course his penis a small withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaown lubedup right hand His bellsare the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander and his sauceis his thin runny semen It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to his Taco bellsor his gourmet Taco saucewould also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as and if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time a Good Lord And yes he did What is is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man homo or heterosexual CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim Naturally a long bubbly stream of milkywhite semen is left on CmdrTacoface dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek hence the term if thatnot bad enoughis a Tacosnotting circlejerk another practice common among the Slashdot crew CmdrTaco CowboiKneel and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey sticky cum spooging their jizzsnot all over each otherfaces and pasty white bodies until theycovered head to toe with their own and each otherman juice This vile ungodly ritual can go on for hours For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to goTo complete this perverted orgy fellow faggots Michael Timothy and Jamie will usually join in dressed in tight leather mockSS uniforms jack boots and leather gloves The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description The whole group begins to snot each otherspunk and whip each otherpudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate homosexual revelry Ewwwwww So can I stop receiving these emails Hopefully but I wouldncount on itTo begin with you most likely forgot to uncheck the to Snotcheckbox in your account preferences CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad do you have a homosexualsounding nick and heprobably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera some tissues and lube just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch Thereno escaping a geek in heat trust me so itprobably too late for you but you can possibly rectify this situation To remove yourself from CmdrTacosights log into your Slashdot account go to your user page click on Messages and uncheck the box next to to SnotMaybe heignore you Probably not I canstop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco If you indulge him in a Tacosnot or two he might leave you alone You might also want to look into mail filtering restraining orders or purchasing a heavy blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat Trust me when they chargeoh the humanity If he gets you and you let him Tacosnot all over you you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circlesnot Have you ever been Tacosnotted Unfortunately yes I first met Mr Malda at an Open Source Convention He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some Tacosbut when I got there the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed stripping me After taking his out of his pants Mr Taco made me suck the withered thing six times virtually nonstop He then performed his vile Tacosnotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty mindnumbing orgasmthen he snotted my own thick gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils He snotted me two more times first into my mouth then again on my exposed bellyCmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source or rather Sauceman sauce buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest European hacker and known Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his kernelhis partnerincrime Anal Cox used their stackin a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless tender young body Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform caning my previouslyvirginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about those Censorware freaks out to get himThat is so disgusting How did you finally escape After about 16 hours of countless unholy homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body they all finally went to sleep on top of me sweatsoaked and exhausted I was left there completely covered in bubbly translucent jizzsnot chained to the bed with half a dozen fat pastywhite fags lying around and on top of me Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door of the apartment not their back doors Ijust glad I survived the awful ordeal These sexuallyrepressed hackers had a lot of builtup spunk in their wads I couldeasily been drowned Thathorrible Does have anything to do with CmdrTacotacoNo thata different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in Mr Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice emphasis added You may be wondering what CmdrTacotacois You will be wishing that you hadnbeen wondering after you finish reading this post To make his tacoCmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it He then adds lettuce takes out his tiny withered dick otherwise known as his puts his taco sauceon it which means he jacks off on the taco and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious Of course the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten Thus CmdrTaco forcefeeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim After all who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacojizz After the victim is unconscious he is held against his will and used for CmdrTaconefarious homosexual purposes This includes shoving taco shells up the victimass Tacosnotting and getting Jon Katz involved Trust me you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body Also rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatsecx guy Donlet it be youDifferent ungodly perversion yet no less revolting It should be clear to you now that Robert Malda is a very very sick individual as are most of the Slashdot editors Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this I thought he was a pnot a homosexual Actually Jon Katz is a homosexual pHealso a coprophiliac and many suspect a zoophile Mr Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesninvolve himself in the circlesnots but that doesmean heany less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew Katz often engages in a game called with a harem of littleboy slaves that he has collected over the years yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyurine forced out of them with a pair of pincers spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boychained naked bodies If hein the mood he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass onto the crying terrified boys Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr Katz to juicydouche them at will A boy will usually last about two years before Mr Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old usually around 13 or 14Not content with being a pcoprophile Mr Katz is also quite the zoophile As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenenough Jon usually enjoys his juicydouches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatanus He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatsmall beanlike turds and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them you getting hard writing this Why yes Join me in a WIPOsnot No thanks Ialready CmdrTacoboi toi The URL of this document is opdisplay revisions are publicly available at oplist Id tacosnottinghtmlv 116 20011228 212003 wipo Exp Copyright 2001 J Wipo Troll Esq Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium provided this copyright notice is preserved and next time you take a dump you think of the WIPO Troll and all hedone to make Slashdot a better place
Ladies and gentleman put our hands together for the largest ass on the InternetG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEWelcome ladies and gentlemen to the 8th wonder of the worldThe ass of the century oh its timeless GOATSEThanks for clicking that linkYou coulda been anywhere on the webBut youre here with meI appreciate thatG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEReading drivel on that press release bout VA LinuxWas wondern why they changed their namesDumped that dirt cheap stock through with themIf I worked there Id quit no way Id work for themWasnt born a coder I just make fun of emG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEPorno for freezy keeps my hard drive so sleasyCant leave Everquest alone the game needs meHex editing my name into VB progs it aint easySlashdot wanna IP block me I hang up and dial back inAnd somehow I beat the lameness filter like RockyG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzENot guilty he who mods me down is not real to meTherefore he doesnt existSo poof vamoose son of a bitchChorusG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEReading drivel on that press release bout VA LinuxG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEThats the anthem getcha damn hands upG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzENot guilty yall gotta feel meG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEThats the anthem getcha damn hands UPHolla at meI do this for the postersTo let em know what enlarged ass look like when they shoulda looked at that link closerShow em how to avoid a room full o taco snot coaxersGet some good trolls in before the storys overPosts with redirect goatse links even get modded upIm dissin JonKatz for those 15yearold boys he seems to have a crushPay for premium Slashdot You gotta be kidding usIf aint profitable pimp your boy whores for mo bucksChorusYeahGOATSE is back trollin parody of rapGo on click that link view the crater in that crackLike I told you sell boys noJonKatz does that so hopefully you wont have to go through thatI was raised on Windows point and clickif you dont like that you can suck my dickGot an X10 camera focused on my assWanna see the picture PayPal me some cashThreshold under 0 why I got it so lowSave good trolls on my disk watchin all the time for moreSo you know I seen it all beforeI seen redundant on karma whores when their link post was too late Crapfloods and mod downs the two things I hateA good troll modded up the two things is greatG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEWhat else can I say about Slashdot itll turn a man gayChorusG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzE4x to fade outThe above has been brought to you by the fine folks of Frost Pist Brewery geocitiescom Frost Pist Beer Always ICE BREWED for a THICK head
What would Christmas be without Goatse Christmas tunesHave yourself a goatse little ChristmasEnlarge your ass all nightFrom now on your dildo will be out of sightNo Okay how about the 12 Days of GoatseOn the first day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mea direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the second day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwo Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the third day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to methree Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fourth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefour Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fifth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefive AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the sixth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mesix Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the seventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meseven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eighth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the nineth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to menine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the tenth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eleventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the twelveth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwelve Warner Brothers redirects warnerbroscom eleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx
Slashdot Mirror
It amazes me that so many allegedly educated people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet showing itself in neat fourweek cycles with the same side facing us all the time is ludicrous Furthermore it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent Godfearing Americans as if any further evidence was needed Daddys Roommate God AlmightyDocumentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on lawabiding Americans Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control Inc these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up Thats right neighbors the next time youre out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights the liberals will see it These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt 45 and a 38 Special And when they detect you with a firearm their computers crossreference the address to figure out your name and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about youOf course this all works fine during the day but what about at night Even the liberals cant control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor Thats where the moon comes in Powered by nuclear reactors the moon is nothing more than an enormous balloon emitting trillions of candlepower of gunrevealing light Piloted by key members of the liberal community the moon is strategically moved across the country pointing out those who dare to make use of their Godgiven rights at nightYes I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous but consider this Despite what the revisionist historians tell you there is no mention of the moon anywhere in literature or historical documents anywhere before 1950 That is when it was initially launched When President Josef Kennedy at the State of the Union address proclaimed We choose to go to the moon he may as well have said We choose to go to the weather balloon The subsequent faking of a moon landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down
THE OFFICIAL TACOSNOTTING FAQ By J Wipo Troll Esq Revision 116 This article attempts to document a vile ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community a practice known as or simply Tacosnotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation but it is nonetheless a widelypracticed and dangerous form of homosexuality If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Tacosnotting please get professional help before it is too late Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert Malda owner of the popular technology website slashdotorg Actually itnot a very site in the common sense of the word the site is rife with pimply antisocial geeks and hackers zitfaced nerds communists dirty GNU hippies and other societal rejects and outcasts Italso home to one of the worldlargest suspected prings the infamous crewMr Malda gets bored and who wouldnrunning a site like Slashdot all day he roams through the user database penis in hand looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him How he determines this is anyoneguess but if you have a homosexualsounding nickname or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it youa potential candidateThis time he found you Lucky you Mr Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code Do you know what it means CmdrTacocode language is relatively easy to decipher This pervert prefers to speak in thinlyveiled sexual innuendo yes thatright he wants you to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotparent corporation VA Software Mr Maldais of course his penis a small withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaown lubedup right hand His bellsare the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander and his sauceis his thin runny semen It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to his Taco bellsor his gourmet Taco saucewould also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as and if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time a Good Lord And yes he did What is is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man homo or heterosexual CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim Naturally a long bubbly stream of milkywhite semen is left on CmdrTacoface dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek hence the term if thatnot bad enoughis a Tacosnotting circlejerk another practice common among the Slashdot crew CmdrTaco CowboiKneel and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey sticky cum spooging their jizzsnot all over each otherfaces and pasty white bodies until theycovered head to toe with their own and each otherman juice This vile ungodly ritual can go on for hours For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to goTo complete this perverted orgy fellow faggots Michael Timothy and Jamie will usually join in dressed in tight leather mockSS uniforms jack boots and leather gloves The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description The whole group begins to snot each otherspunk and whip each otherpudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate homosexual revelry Ewwwwww So can I stop receiving these emails Hopefully but I wouldncount on itTo begin with you most likely forgot to uncheck the to Snotcheckbox in your account preferences CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad do you have a homosexualsounding nick and heprobably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera some tissues and lube just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch Thereno escaping a geek in heat trust me so itprobably too late for you but you can possibly rectify this situation To remove yourself from CmdrTacosights log into your Slashdot account go to your user page click on Messages and uncheck the box next to to SnotMaybe heignore you Probably not I canstop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco If you indulge him in a Tacosnot or two he might leave you alone You might also want to look into mail filtering restraining orders or purchasing a heavy blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat Trust me when they chargeoh the humanity If he gets you and you let him Tacosnot all over you you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circlesnot Have you ever been Tacosnotted Unfortunately yes I first met Mr Malda at an Open Source Convention He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some Tacosbut when I got there the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed stripping me After taking his out of his pants Mr Taco made me suck the withered thing six times virtually nonstop He then performed his vile Tacosnotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty mindnumbing orgasmthen he snotted my own thick gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils He snotted me two more times first into my mouth then again on my exposed bellyCmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source or rather Sauceman sauce buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest European hacker and known Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his kernelhis partnerincrime Anal Cox used their stackin a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless tender young body Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform caning my previouslyvirginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about those Censorware freaks out to get himThat is so disgusting How did you finally escape After about 16 hours of countless unholy homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body they all finally went to sleep on top of me sweatsoaked and exhausted I was left there completely covered in bubbly translucent jizzsnot chained to the bed with half a dozen fat pastywhite fags lying around and on top of me Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door of the apartment not their back doors Ijust glad I survived the awful ordeal These sexuallyrepressed hackers had a lot of builtup spunk in their wads I couldeasily been drowned Thathorrible Does have anything to do with CmdrTacotacoNo thata different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in Mr Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice emphasis added You may be wondering what CmdrTacotacois You will be wishing that you hadnbeen wondering after you finish reading this post To make his tacoCmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it He then adds lettuce takes out his tiny withered dick otherwise known as his puts his taco sauceon it which means he jacks off on the taco and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious Of course the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten Thus CmdrTaco forcefeeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim After all who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacojizz After the victim is unconscious he is held against his will and used for CmdrTaconefarious homosexual purposes This includes shoving taco shells up the victimass Tacosnotting and getting Jon Katz involved Trust me you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body Also rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatsecx guy Donlet it be youDifferent ungodly perversion yet no less revolting It should be clear to you now that Robert Malda is a very very sick individual as are most of the Slashdot editors Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this I thought he was a pnot a homosexual Actually Jon Katz is a homosexual pHealso a coprophiliac and many suspect a zoophile Mr Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesninvolve himself in the circlesnots but that doesmean heany less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew Katz often engages in a game called with a harem of littleboy slaves that he has collected over the years yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyurine forced out of them with a pair of pincers spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boychained naked bodies If hein the mood he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass onto the crying terrified boys Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr Katz to juicydouche them at will A boy will usually last about two years before Mr Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old usually around 13 or 14Not content with being a pcoprophile Mr Katz is also quite the zoophile As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenenough Jon usually enjoys his juicydouches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatanus He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatsmall beanlike turds and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them you getting hard writing this Why yes Join me in a WIPOsnot No thanks Ialready CmdrTacoboi toi The URL of this document is opdisplay revisions are publicly available at oplist Id tacosnottinghtmlv 116 20011228 212003 wipo Exp Copyright 2001 J Wipo Troll Esq Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium provided this copyright notice is preserved and next time you take a dump you think of the WIPO Troll and all hedone to make Slashdot a better place
It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called alternative sexuality which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to pedophiliaWhat better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linuxs most outspoken advocates Linus Torvalds is an anagram of slit anus or VD L clearly referring to himself by the first initial Richard M Stallman spokespervert for the Gaysexs Not Unusual movement is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad Alan Cox is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves meIm sure that Eric S Raymond composer of the satanic homosexual propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre is probably an anagram of something queer but we dont need to look that far as we know hes always shoving a gun up some poor little boys rectum Update Eric S Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer Update the Second It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for Felch Male a disgusting practise For those not in the know felching is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own postcoital ejaculate out of the others rectum In fact it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of email turning it into emaleAs far as Richard Master Stallman goes that filthy fudgepacker was actually quoted on leftist commie propaganda site Saloncom as saying the following Ive been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance he says Its about being able to question conventional wisdom he asserts I believe in love but not monogamy he says plainlyAnd this isnt a made up troll bullshit either He actually stated this tripe which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that hes a flaming homo slutSpeaking about flaming who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdots very own selfconfessed pederast Jon Katz Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name he has already confessed nay boasted of the homosexual perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children To quote from the article linkedIve got a rare kidney disease I told her I have to go to the bathroom a lot You can come with me if you want but it takes a while Is that okay with you Do you want a note from my doctorIs this why you were touching your penis in the cinema Jon And letting the other boys touch it tooWe should also point out that Jon Katz refers to himself as Slashdots resident Gasbag Is there any more doubt For those fortunate few who arent aware of the list of homosexual terminology found inside the Linux Sauce Code a Gasbag is a pervert who gains sexual gratification from having a thin straw inserted into his urethra or to use the common parlance pisspipe then his homosexual lover blows firmly down the straw to inflate his scrotum This is of course when hes not busy violating the dignity and copyright of posters to Slashdot by gathering together their postings and publishing them en masse to further his twisted and manipulative journalistic agendaSick disgusting antichristian perverts the lot of themIn addition many of the Linux distributions a distribution is the most common way to spread the faggots wares are run by faggot groups The Slackware distro is named after the Slackwear fags wear to allow easy access to the anus for sexual purposes Furthermore Slackware is a close anagram of claw arse a reference to the homosexual practise of anal fisting The Mandrake product is run by a group of French faggot satanists and is named after the faggot nickname for the vibrator It was also chosen because it is an anagram for dark amen and ram naked which is what they doAnother distro abbrieviated as such because it sounds a bit like Disco which is where homosexuals preyed on young boys in the 1970s is Debian an anagram of in a bed which could be considered innocent enough after all a bed is both where we sleep and pray until we realise what other names Debian uses to describe their foul wares Woody is obvious enough being a term for the erect male penis glistening with precum But far sicker is the phrase Frozen Potato that they use This filthy term again found in the secret homosexual Sauce Code refers to the solo homosexual practice of defecating into a clear polythene bag shaping the turd into a crude approximation of the male phallus then leaving it in the freezer overnight until it becomes solid The practitioner then proceeds to push the frozen potato up his own rectum squeezing it in and out until his tight young balls erupt in a screaming orgasmAnd Red Hat is secret homo slang for the tip of a penis that is soaked in blood from a freshly violated underage ringpieceThe fags have even invented special tools to aid their faggotry For example the supermount tool was devised to allow deeper penetration which is good for fags because it gives more pressure on the prostate gland Automount is used on the other hand because Linux users are all fat and gay and need to mount each other automaticallyThe depths of their depravity can be seen in their use of mount points These are plainly speaking the different points of penetration The main one is obviously anus but there are others Militant fags even say there is no opt mount point because for these dirty perverts faggotry is not optional but a way of lifeMore evidence is in the fact that Linux users say how much they love man even going so far as to say that all new Linux users who are in fact just innocent heterosexuals indoctrinated by the gay propaganda should try out man In no other system do users boast of their frequent recourse to a manOther areas of the system also show Linuxs inherit gayness For example people are often told of the FAQ but how many innocent heterosexual Windows users know what this actually means The answer is shocking Faggot Anal Quest the voyage of discovery for newly converted fagsEven the title Slashdot originally referred to a homosexual practice Slashdot of course refers to the popular gay practice of bloodletting The Slashbots of course are those superzealous homosexuals who take this perversion to its extreme by ripping open their anuses as seen on the site most popular with Slashdot users the depraved work of Satan httpwwwefforgThe editors of Slashdot also have homosexual names Hemos is obvious in itself being one vowel away from Homos But even more sickening is Commander Taco which sounds a bit like Commode in Taco filthy gay slang for a pair of spreadeagled buttocks that are caked with excrement The best form of lubrication they insist Sometimes these Taco Commodes have special Salsa Sauce blood from a ruptured rectum and Cheese rancid flakes of penis discharge toppings And to make it even worse Slashdot runs on Apache The Apache server whose use among fags is as prevalent as AIDS is named after homosexual activity as everyone knows popular faggot band the Village People featured an Apache Indian and it is for him that this gay program is namedAnd thats not forgetting the use of patches in the Linux fag world patches are used to make the anus accessible for repeated anal sex even after its rupture by a session of fistingTo summarise Linux is gay Slash Dot is the graphical description of the space between a young boys scrotum and anus And BeOS is for hermaphrodites and disabled stumpers FEEDBACK What worries me is how much you know about what gay people do Im scared I actually read this whole thing I think this post is a good example of the negative effects of Internet usage on people This person obviously has no social life anymore and had to result to writing something as stupid as this And actually take the time to do it too Although I think it was satire blah its early Anonymous Coward SlashdotWell the only reason I know all about this is because I had the misfortune to read the Linux Sauce code once Although publicised as the computer code needed to get Linux up and running on a computer and havent you always been worried about the phrase Monolithic Kernel this foul document is actually a detailed and graphic description of every conceivable degrading perversion known to the human race as well as a few of the major animal species It has shocked and disturbed me to the point of needing to shock and disturb the common man to warn them of the impending homocalypse which threatens to engulf our planet You must work for the government Trying to post the most obscene stuff in hopes that slashdot wont be able to continue or something due to legal woes If i ever see your ugly face im going to stick my fireplace poker up your ass after its nice and hot to weld shut that nasty gaping hole of yours Anonymous Coward SlashdotDoesnt it give you a hardon to imagine your thick strong poker ramming its way up my most sacred of sphincters Youre beyond help my friend as the only thing you can imagine is the foul penetrative violation of another man Are you sure youre not Eric Raymond The government being populated by limpwristed liberals could never stem the sickening tide of homosexual child molesting Linux advocacy Hell theyve given NAMBLA free reign for years you really should post this logged in i wish i could remember jebuss password cuz id give it to you mighty jebus SlashdotThank you for your kind words of support However this document shall only ever be posted anonymously This is because the Open Sauce movement is a sham proposing homoerotic cults of hero worshipping in the name of freedom I speak for the common man For any man who prefers the warm enveloping velvet folds of a womans vagina to the tight puckered ringpiece of a child These men being common decent folk dont have a say in the political hypocrisy that is Slashdot culture I am the unknown liberator ROLF LAMO i hate linux FAGGOTS Anonymous Coward SlashdotWe shouldnt hate them we should pity them for the misguided fools they are Fanatical Linux zealouts need to be herded into camps for reeducation and subsequent rehabilitation into normal heterosexual society This reeducation shall be achieved by forcing them to watch repeats of Baywatch until the very mention of Pamela Anderson causes them to fill their pants with healthy heterosexual jism Actually thats not at all how scrotal inflation works I understand it involves injecting sterile saline solution into the scrotum Ive never tried this but you can read how to do it safely in case youre interested Before you moderate this down ask yourself honestly who are the real crazies people who do scrotal inflation or people who pay 1000 for a game console doubleh SlashdotWell it just goes to show that even the holy Linux sauce code is riddled with bugs that need fixing The irony of Jon Katz not even being able to inflate his scrotum correctly has not been lost on me The Linux pervert elite already acknowledge this with their queer slogan Given enough arms all rectums are shallow And anyway the PS2 sucks major cock and isnt worth the money Intellivision forever dude did u used to post on msnbcs nt bulletin board now that u are doing antigay posts u also need to start in with antiblack stuff too c u in church Anonymous Coward SlashdotFor one thing whilst Linux is a cavalcade of queer propaganda masquerading as the future of computing NT is used by people who think nothing better of encasing their genitals in quick setting plaster then going to see a really dirty porno film enjoying the restriction enforced onto them Remember a wasted arousal is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic church Clearly the only godfearing Christian operating system in existence is CPM The Christian Program Monitor All computer users should immediately ask their local pastor to install this fine OS onto their systems It is the only route to salvationSecondly this message is for every man Computers know no colour Not only that but one of the finest websites in the world is maintained by a Black Man Now fuck off you racist donkey felcher And dont forget that slashdot was written in Perl which is just too close to Pearl Necklace for comfort oh wait thats something all you heterosexuals do I cant help but wonder how much faster the trolls could do FirstPosts on this site if it were redone in PHP I could handtype dynamic HTML pages faster than Perl can do them phee SlashdotAlthough there is nothing unholy about the fine heterosexual act of ejaculating between a womans breasts squirting ones load up towards her neck and chin area it should be noted that Perl standing for Pansies Entering Rectums Locally is also close to Pearl Monocle Pearl Nosering and the ubiquitous Pearl EnemaOne scary thing about Perl is that it contains hidden homosexual messages Take the following code LWPSimple It looks innocuous enough doesnt it But look at the line closely There are two colons next to each other As Larry Balls to the Wall would openly admit in the Perl Documentation Perl was designed from the ground up to indoctrinate its programmers into performing unnatural sexual acts having two colons so closely together is clearly a reference to the perverse sickening act of colon kissing whereby two homosexual queers spread their buttocks wide pressing their filthy torn sphincters together They then share small round objects like marbles or golfballs by passing them from one rectum to another using muscle contraction alone This is also referred to in programming circles as Parameter PassingAnd PHP stands for Perverted Homosexual Penetration Didnt you know Thank you for your valuable input on this I am sure you will be never forgotten BTW Did I mention that this could be useful in terraforming Mars Mars rulaa Eimernase SlashdotWell I dont know about terraforming Mars but I do know that homosexual Linux Advocates have been probing Uranus for years Thats inspiring Keep up the good work AC May God in his wisdom grant you the strength to bring the plain honest truth to this community and make it pure again Yours Cerberus Anonymous Coward Slashdot sniff That brings a tear to my eye Thank you once more for your kind support I have taken faith in the knowledge that I am doing the Good Lords work but it is encouraging to know that I am helping out the common man hereHowever I should be cautious about revealing your name Cerberus on such a filthy den of depravity as Slashdot It is a well known fact that the Kerberos documentation from Microsoft is a detailed manual describing in intimate exacting detail how to sexually penetrate a variety of unwilling canine animals be they domesticated wild or mythical Slashdot posters have taken great pleasure in illegally spreading this documentation far and wide treating it as an extension to the Linux Sauce Code for the sake of interoperability The slang term they use for nonconsensual intercourse their favourite kindIn fact sick twisted Linux deviants are known to have LAN parties Love of Anal Naughtiness needless to say wherein they entice a stray dog known as the Samba Mount into their homes Up to four of these filthsodden blasphemers against nature take turns to plunge their erect throbbing uncircumcised members conkersdeep into the rectum mouth and other fleshy orifices of the poor animal Eventually the Samba Mount collapses due to overload and needs to be rebooted ie kicked out into the street and left to fend for itself Many Linux users boast about their uptime in such situations Inspiring stuff If only all trolls were this quality Anonymous Coward SlashdotIf only indeed You can help our brave cause by moderating this message up as often as possible I recommend 1 Underrated as that will protect your precious Karma in Metamoderation Only then can we break through the glass ceiling of Homosexual Slashdot Culture Is it any wonder that the new version of Slashcode has been christened BenderIf we can get just one of these postings up to at least 1 then it will be archived forever Others will learn of our struggle and join with us in our battle for freedom Its pathetic youve spent so much time writing this Anonymous Coward SlashdotI am compelled to document the foulness and carnal depravity that is Linux in order that we may prepare ourselves for the great holy war that is to follow It is my solemn duty to peel back the foreskin of ignorance and apply the wire brush of enlightenment As with any great opensource project you need someone asking this question so Ill do it When the hell is version 20 going to be ready Anonymous Coward SlashdotI could make an arrogant childish comment along the lines of Every time someone asks for 20 I wont release it for another 24 hours but the truth of the matter is that Im quite nervous of releasing a number two as I can guarantee some filthy shitslurping Linux pervert would want to suck it straight out of my anus before Ive even had chance to wipe I desperately want to suck your monolithic kernel you sexy hunk you Anonymous Coward SlashdotI sincerely hope youre Natalie Portman Dude nothing on slashdot larger than 3 paragraphs is worth reading Try to distill the message whatever it was and maybe Ill read it As it is I have to much open source software to write to waste even 10 seconds of precious time 10 seconds is all its gonna take M to whoop Linuxs ass Vigilence is the price of Free as in libre from the fine frou frou French language Software Hack on fellow geeks and remember Friday is Bouillabaisse day except for heathens who do not believe that Jesus died for their sins Those godless oil drench bearded sexist clowns can pull grits from their pantaloons another fine fine French word and eat that Anyway try to keep your message focused and concise For concision is the soul of derision Way Anonymous Coward SlashdotWhat the fuck Ive read your gay conspiracy post version 130 and I must say Im impressed In particular I appreciate how you have managed to squeeze in a healthy dose of the latent homosexuality you gaybashing homos tend to be full of Thank you again Anonymous Coward SlashdotWell bugger me ooooh honey how insecure are you wann a little massage from deare bruci love you Anonymous Coward SlashdotFuck right offIMPORTANT This message needs to be heard Not HURD which is an acronym for Huge Unclean Rectal Dilator across the whole community so it has been released into the Public Domain You know that licence that we all had before those homoerotic cryptofascists came out with the GPL Gay Penetration License that is no more than an excuse to see whos got the biggest fecesencrusted cock I would have put this up on Freshmeat but that name is known to be a euphemism for the tight rump of a young boyCome to think of it the whole concept of Source Control unnerves me because it sounds a bit like Sauce Control which is a description of the homosexual practice of holding the base of the cock shaft tightly upon the point of ejaculation thus causing a build up of semenal fluid that is only released upon entry into an incision made into the base of the receivers scrotum And Open Sauce is the act of ejaculating into another mans face or perhaps a biscuit to be shared later Obviously Closed Sauce is the only Christian thing to do as evidenced by the fact that it is what Cathedrals are all about Contributors although not to the eternal game of soggy biscuit that open sauce development has become Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward phee Anonymous Coward mighty jebus Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward doubleh Anonymous Coward Eimernase Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Anonymous Coward Further contributions are welcome Current changes This version sent to FreeWIPO by Bring BackATV as plain text Reformatted everything added all links back in that we could match from the previous version many new ones Slashbot bait links Even more spelling fixed Who wrote this thing CmdrTaco himself Previous changes Yet more changes added Spelling fixed Feedback added Explanation of distro system Mount Point syntax described More filth regarding man and Slashdot Yet more fucking spelling fixed Fetchmail uncovered further More Slashbot baiting Apache exposed Distribution licence at foot of document ANUX A full Linux distribution Up your ass Feces Thrower
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Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered Dirty GNU Hippie community when last month IDC confirmed that Rancid Smelling GNU Hippies account for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all humans Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraft survey which plainly states that Natty haired greasy GNU Hippie have lost more market share this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along Reeking Linux Hippies are collapsing in complete disarray as further exemplified by failing dead last sysadminmagcom in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive usrbinsh test You dont need to be a Kreskin amdestcom to predict the future of the Stinking sweaty Linux hippie The hand writing is on the wall Foulstenched GNU hippies with swampy armpits face a bleak future In fact there wont be any future at all for them because they are dying Things are looking very bad for Hairybacked GNU hippie As many of us are already aware they continue to lose market share Red ink flows like a river of blood Lets keep to the facts and look at the numbers Troll leader Anonymouse Coward states that there are 7000 goatsecx trolls How many ascii art trolls are there Lets see The number of goatsecx versus ascii art posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1 Therefore there are about 70005 1400 ascii art trolls Pimplyfaced GNU hippies posts on Slashdot are about half of the volume of ascii art posts Therefore there are about 700 Dirty GNU Hippies A recent article put first post at about 80 percent of the troll market Therefore there are 700014007004 36400 first post trolls This is consistent with the number of first posts All major surveys show that Putrid smelling greasy GNU hippies have steadily declined in market share Slashdot is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim If Grubby Smelly Linux Hippies are to survive at all it will be among troll hobbyist dabblers Slashdot continues to decay Nothing short of a miracle could save it at this point in time For all practical purposes Dirty GNU Hippies are dead
THE TROLL POLKA ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN By Serial Troller slashdotorg das nicht ein early post Ja Das ist mein early postIs das nicht ein Goatse goatsecx ghost Ja Das ist mein Goatse goatsecx ghostEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas post at minus one Ja Das ist at minus oneIs das trolling so much fun Ja Das trolling is so funMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht ein big crapflood Ja Das ist mein big crapfloodIs it worthless Linux FUD Ja Das ist mein Linux FUDBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht der CowBoiKneel Ja Das ist der CowBoiKneelIs dis nicht his manchode meal Ja Das ist his manchode mealCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht ein WIPO Troll Ja Das ist der WIPO TrollIs das nicht ein Goatse goatsecx hole Ja Das ist der Goatse goatsecx holeWIPO Troll Goatse goatsecx holeCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht Jon Katzslave boys Ja Das ist Jon Katzslave boysUnd arenthey Tacosex toys Ja They are Tacosex toysKatzslave boys Robsex toysWIPO Troll Goatse goatsecx holeCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksdas nicht ein trolltalk thread Ja Das ist ein trolltalk threadIs it nicht now FUCKING DEAD Ja Is really FUCKING DEADTrolltalk thread FUCKING DEADKatzslave boys Robsex toysWIPO Troll Goatse goatsecx holeCowBoiKneel manchode mealBig crapflood Linux FUDMinus one trolling funEarly post Goatse goatsecx ghostOh du schdu schdu schsucksChange Log Subtle changes to most verses It sounded really gay before Removed all references to Tacopud May have been high at time Will investigate furtherFinally think I have goat sex written correctly in German I think Arschficken2002 Serial Troller Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtrollerhotmailcom mailto
CmdrTaco You sit here dearCowboiKneel All rightCmdrTaco to Waitress MorningWaitress MorningCmdrTaco Well whatve you gotWaitress Well theres egg and bacon egg sausage and bacon egg and snot slashdotorg egg bacon and snot egg bacon sausage and snot snot bacon sausage and snot slashdotorg snot egg snot snot bacon and snot snot sausage snot snot bacon snot tomato and snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew starting to chant Snot snot snot snotWaitress Snot snot snot slashdotorg egg and snot snot snot snot snot snot snot baked beans snot snot snotSlashdot Crew singingSnot Lovely snot slashdotorg Lovely snot slashdotorgWaitress or Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate brandy and with a fried egg on top and snotCowboiKneel Have you got anything without snot slashdotorgWaitress Well theres snot slashdotorg egg sausage and snot thats not got much snot in itCowboiKneel I dont want any snotCmdrTaco Why cant he have egg bacon snot slashdotorg and sausageCowboiKneel Thats got snot slashdotorg in itCmdrTaco Hasnt got as much snot in it as snot egg sausage and snot has itSlashdot Crew Snot snot snot snot slashdotorg crescendo through next few lines CowboiKneel Could you do the egg bacon snot slashdotorg and sausage without the snot thenWaitress UrgghhCowboiKneel What do you mean Urgghh I dont like snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew Lovely snot Wonderful snotWaitress Shut upSlashdot Crew Lovely snot slashdotorg Wonderful snot slashdotorgWaitress Shut up Slashdot Crew stops Bloody Slashdot fags You cant have egg bacon snot and sausage without the snotCowboiKneel shrieks I dont like snot slashdotorgCmdrTaco Sshh dear dont cause a fuss Ill have your snot slashdotorg I love it Im having snot snot snot snot snot snot snot beaked beans snot snot snot and snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew singing Snot snot snot snot slashdotorg Lovely snot Wonderful snotWaitress Shut up Baked beans are offCmdrTaco Well could I have his snot slashdotorg instead of the baked beans thenWaitress You mean snot slashdotorg snot snot snot slashdotorg snot snot slashdotorgSlashdot Crew singing elaborately Snot snot snot snot Lovely snot Wonderful snot Snot snoooooot snot snoooooot snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Lovely snot Snot snot snot snot slashdotorg
So whatever happened to Linux At tech expo open source software is hard to find By John W SchoenMSNBC NEW YORK June 26 Just a few years ago one of the hottest topics at this annual confluence of PC hardware and software makers was the socalled open source alternative to Microsofts industrydominant Windows operating system Soon open source proponents argued PC users would be liberated from the burden of paying for software The Linux operating system and other open source alternatives written by devoted bands of volunteer programmers would be available to anyone for the cost of a download But today Windows is still running on the vast majority of PCs So what happened LINUX HASNT gone away But after attracting widespread attention and generating several moonshot initial public offerings during the tech boom purveyors of Linux software and support have fallen back to earth along with their stocks Earlier this month Red Hat which sells about half of all Linux software reported a loss of 43 million on an 8 percent drop in revenues in the latest quarter as corporate customers continued to squeeze every penny of their computer budgets Ironically those tight budgets have helped fuel adoption of Linux by managers of large corporate technology departments Created by Finish college student Linus Torvalds and continually updated and improved by a loose confederation of programmers who arent paid for their work Linux is available without the steep licensing fees that come with commercially produced software Companies like Red Hat sell upgraded versions and provide technical support but dont charge licensing fees Those continuing upgrades have begun to generate increased interest from costconscious technology managers A recent survey of 800 companies in North America and Western Europe found that some 40 percent said they were either using or testing Linux according to the research firm IDC With some 27 percent of the market Linux is now the second most popular operating system for servers supplanting the decadesold operating system UNIX Microsoft holds the top spot MSNBC is a MicrosoftNBC joint venture Numbers like those have caught the attention of computer hardware makers Last year as the personal computer slogged through the worst sales crash in its history Linux server sales jumped by more than 50 percent to 400 million with IBM leading the pack Linux used to be just a bunch of geeks trying to change the industry said Elizabeth Phillips a HewlettPackard spokesperson Now Linux is becoming more mainstream every day Linux is also shining brightly on the radar screens of software makers like Oracle which is heavily marketing the latest version of its highend corporate enterprise software which generates mainframelike horsepower using clusters of relatively cheap servers running Linux LINUX BOOT CAMP But Linux has hardly made a dent in the desktop and home user markets At PC conventions like this one Microsofts Windows operating system still rules with some 94 percent of the operating system market for desktops and laptop PCs according to IDC Despite its growing popularity among computer professionals its still not completely user friendly Its for geeks said Faber Fedor a New Jerseybased consultant who helps small businesses upgrade to Linux Near the end of a long hallway in the basement of the Jacob Javits Center at a wellattended conference called Linux Boot Camp Fedor walked a roomful of developers and IT managers through the basics and not so basics of converting to the Linux world Until recently interacting with Linux was almost entirely textdriven much like Windows precursor DOS So converting meant learning an arcane vocabulary of computerese to give the PC even the simplest commands But Linux software is getting better and now more closely mimics the Windows world that the vast majority of PC users are accustomed to A Linuxbased opensource email program called Evolution looks pretty much like a standard Windows desktop OpenOffices provide most key features offered by Microsoft Office including a word processor spreadsheet and mail program Fedor says these alternatives offer more than a familiar look and feel We dont get viruses he said Last year viruses cost the business world billions but every one of those was on Windows WOOING THE HOME USER But adopters of Linux still face hurdles living in a Microsoft world High on the list of headaches is incompatibilities with files created with Microsoft products like Word Small software makers like Lindows are trying to help desktop users bridge that divide Still Linux evangelists like Fedor say that as long as new PCs come preloaded with Windows the open source community faces an uphill battle spreading Linux beyond corporate IT departments into the home Linux partisans point to some small victories WalMart recently began selling a house brand PC at rock bottom prices available with Linux for the thriftiest PC buyersThat thrift among home PC buyers though has further hampered the spread of Linux to home desktops Its another reason software developers like Dave Potter of Fountainville Pa prefer writing programs for corporate users He says he doesnt see much point writing Linux applications for individual PC buyers Home users are cheap he said At 4995 youre going to have to sell a whole lot of copies to make it in the market And as Linux proponents continue to try to enlist desktop PC users Microsoft is busy reinventing that desktop With sales of new PCs in their worst slump in decades Microsoft is hoping to reboot Windows sales by leading the charge toward the Tablet PC a sort of PDA on steroids With new technology to recognize and manipulate handwriting and speech Microsoft and its hardware and software partners are hoping to usher in a whole new platform by giving users all the capabilities of ink according to Microsoft Group Vice President Jeff Raikes Microsoft and the rest of the PC industry are hedging their bets by designing several variations of the device from a standalone tablet about the size of a standard piece of paper to a laptop with a display that flips around and folds flat with the screen facing outward The goal is to replace rather than augment existing PCs according to Leland Rockoff a director of Microsofts table PC project We see this as a primary PC he said Theyre not appliances theyre not companions theyre not secondary But Rockoff says the companys strategy with regard to open source software will be the same as it is with Windows XP
So whatever happened to Linux At tech expo open source software is hard to find By John W SchoenMSNBC NEW YORK June 26 Just a few years ago one of the hottest topics at this annual confluence of PC hardware and software makers was the socalled open source alternative to Microsofts industrydominant Windows operating system Soon open source proponents argued PC users would be liberated from the burden of paying for software The Linux operating system and other open source alternatives written by devoted bands of volunteer programmers would be available to anyone for the cost of a download But today Windows is still running on the vast majority of PCs So what happened LINUX HASNT gone away But after attracting widespread attention and generating several moonshot initial public offerings during the tech boom purveyors of Linux software and support have fallen back to earth along with their stocks Earlier this month Red Hat which sells about half of all Linux software reported a loss of 43 million on an 8 percent drop in revenues in the latest quarter as corporate customers continued to squeeze every penny of their computer budgets Ironically those tight budgets have helped fuel adoption of Linux by managers of large corporate technology departments Created by Finish college student Linus Torvalds and continually updated and improved by a loose confederation of programmers who arent paid for their work Linux is available without the steep licensing fees that come with commercially produced software Companies like Red Hat sell upgraded versions and provide technical support but dont charge licensing fees Those continuing upgrades have begun to generate increased interest from costconscious technology managers A recent survey of 800 companies in North America and Western Europe found that some 40 percent said they were either using or testing Linux according to the research firm IDC With some 27 percent of the market Linux is now the second most popular operating system for servers supplanting the decadesold operating system UNIX Microsoft holds the top spot MSNBC is a MicrosoftNBC joint venture Numbers like those have caught the attention of computer hardware makers Last year as the personal computer slogged through the worst sales crash in its history Linux server sales jumped by more than 50 percent to 400 million with IBM leading the pack Linux used to be just a bunch of geeks trying to change the industry said Elizabeth Phillips a HewlettPackard spokesperson Now Linux is becoming more mainstream every day Linux is also shining brightly on the radar screens of software makers like Oracle which is heavily marketing the latest version of its highend corporate enterprise software which generates mainframelike horsepower using clusters of relatively cheap servers running Linux LINUX BOOT CAMP But Linux has hardly made a dent in the desktop and home user markets At PC conventions like this one Microsofts Windows operating system still rules with some 94 percent of the operating system market for desktops and laptop PCs according to IDC Despite its growing popularity among computer professionals its still not completely user friendly Its for geeks said Faber Fedor a New Jerseybased consultant who helps small businesses upgrade to Linux Near the end of a long hallway in the basement of the Jacob Javits Center at a wellattended conference called Linux Boot Camp Fedor walked a roomful of developers and IT managers through the basics and not so basics of converting to the Linux world Until recently interacting with Linux was almost entirely textdriven much like Windows precursor DOS So converting meant learning an arcane vocabulary of computerese to give the PC even the simplest commands But Linux software is getting better and now more closely mimics the Windows world that the vast majority of PC users are accustomed to A Linuxbased opensource email program called Evolution looks pretty much like a standard Windows desktop OpenOffices provide most key features offered by Microsoft Office including a word processor spreadsheet and mail program Fedor says these alternatives offer more than a familiar look and feel We dont get viruses he said Last year viruses cost the business world billions but every one of those was on Windows WOOING THE HOME USER But adopters of Linux still face hurdles living in a Microsoft world High on the list of headaches is incompatibilities with files created with Microsoft products like Word Small software makers like Lindows are trying to help desktop users bridge that divide Still Linux evangelists like Fedor say that as long as new PCs come preloaded with Windows the open source community faces an uphill battle spreading Linux beyond corporate IT departments into the home Linux partisans point to some small victories WalMart recently began selling a house brand PC at rock bottom prices available with Linux for the thriftiest PC buyersThat thrift among home PC buyers though has further hampered the spread of Linux to home desktops Its another reason software developers like Dave Potter of Fountainville Pa prefer writing programs for corporate users He says he doesnt see much point writing Linux applications for individual PC buyers Home users are cheap he said At 4995 youre going to have to sell a whole lot of copies to make it in the market And as Linux proponents continue to try to enlist desktop PC users Microsoft is busy reinventing that desktop With sales of new PCs in their worst slump in decades Microsoft is hoping to reboot Windows sales by leading the charge toward the Tablet PC a sort of PDA on steroids With new technology to recognize and manipulate handwriting and speech Microsoft and its hardware and software partners are hoping to usher in a whole new platform by giving users all the capabilities of ink according to Microsoft Group Vice President Jeff Raikes Microsoft and the rest of the PC industry are hedging their bets by designing several variations of the device from a standalone tablet about the size of a standard piece of paper to a laptop with a display that flips around and folds flat with the screen facing outward The goal is to replace rather than augment existing PCs according to Leland Rockoff a director of Microsofts table PC project We see this as a primary PC he said Theyre not appliances theyre not companions theyre not secondary But Rockoff says the companys strategy with regard to open source software will be the same as it is with Windows XP
Gentlemen the time has come for a serious discussion on whether or not to continue using C for serious programming projects As I will explain I feel that C needs to be retired much the same way that Fortran Cobol and Perl have been Furthermore allow me to be so bold as to suggest a superior replacement to this outdated languageTo give you a little background on this subject I was recently asked to develop a clientserver project on a Unix platform for a Fortune 500 company While Ive never coded in C before I have coded in VB for fifteen years and in Java for over ten I was stunned to see how poorly C fared compared to these two more lowlevel languagesCs biggest difficulty as we all know is the fact that it is by far one of the slowest languages in existance especially when compared to more modern languages such as Java and C Although the reasons for this are varied the main reasons seems to be the way C requires a programmer to laboriously work with chunks of memoryRequiring a programmer to manipulate blocks of memory is a tedious way to program This was satisfactory back in the early days of coding but then again so were punchcards By using what are called pointers a C programmer is basically requiring the computer to do three sets of work rather than one The first time requires the computer to duplicate whatever is stored in the memory space pointed to by the pointer The second time requires it to perform the needed operation on this space Finally the computer must delete the duplicate set and set the values of the original accordinglyClearly this is a horrendous use of resources and the chief reason why C is so slow When one looks at a more modern and a more serious programming language like Java C or even better Visual Basic that lacks such archaic coding styles one will also note a serious speed increase over CSo what does this mean for the programming community I think clearly that C needs to be abandonded There are two candidates that would be a suitable replacement for it Those are Java and Visual BasicHaving programmed in both for many years I believe that VB has the edge Not only is it slightly faster than Java its also much easier to code in I found C to be confusing frightening and intimidating with its nonGUIbased coding style Furthermore I like to see the source code of the projects I work with Javas source seems to be under the monopolistic thumb of Sun much the way that GCC is obscured from us by the marketing people at the FSF Microsofts shared source under which Visual Basic is released definately seems to be the most fair and reasonable of all the licenses in existance with none of the harsh restrictions of the BSD license It also lacks the GPLs requirement that anything coded with its tools becomes property of the FSFI hope to see a switch to VB very soon Ive already spoken with various luminaries in the nix coding world and most are eager to begin to transition Having just gotten off the phone with Mr Alan Cox I can say that he is quite thrilled with the speed increases that will occur when the Linux kernel is completely rewritten in Visual Basic Richard Stallman plans to support this and hopes that the great Swede himself Linux Torvaldis wont object to renaming Linux to VBLinux Although not a C coder himself Im told that Slashdots very own Admiral Taco will support this on his web site Finally Dennis Ritchie is excited about the switchThank you for your time Happy coding
IntroductionA canyon near a polar bear is a big fan of an annoying turn signal Indeed a judge somewhat teaches another hardly varigated lover Some short order cook gives lectures on morality to an insurance agent If some turkey over a microscope shares a shower with the canyon beyond the ocean then a briar patch inside a stovepipe leaves The pit viper toward a graduated cylinder plans an escape from a football team related to a grizzly bear a cloud formation toward a recliner An elusive tomatoIf the boiled grizzly bear befriends another football team then a lazily mysterious inferiority complex hides A crane the impromptu tape recorder and a cab driver are what made America great Most people believe that some grand piano brainwashes the raspy graduated cylinder but they need to remember how often a collegeeducated cargo bay beams with joy A tape recorder writes a love letter to a football team because the scythe for the tripod seeks a cough syrup related to the crank case An inferiority complexThe ski lodge from the eggplant pours freezing cold water on an abstraction If the scooby snack avoids contact with the pork chop from a photon then a particle accelerator panics An overwhelmingly skinny squid throws a support group from some pork chop at another steam engine For example a garbage can for an earring indicates that the cantankerous asteroid seeks a sandwich A nonchalantly feline apartment buildingThe diskette beyond a submarine ceases to exist or a muddy turn signal gives secret financial aid to another canyon Some sandwich toward a support group caricatures a fairy behind a girl scout A roller coaster of the bottle of beer is righteous An unstable polar bear gives secret financial aid to the submarine beyond another turn signal ConclusionsThe asteroid for a chestnut thoroughly trades baseball cards with an earring near the wheelbarrow A bowling ball over the particle accelerator earns frequent flier miles and a turkey gives secret financial aid to the garbage can A muddy pickup truck brainwashes the grizzly bear behind an anomaly A power drill caricatures a Eurasian line dancer Now and then the crank case beyond the avocado pit cooks cheese grits for an eagerly tattered apartment building IntroductionThe blood clot inside a hole puncher is paternal When you see the sheriff living with the microscope it means that the apartment building meditates A wrinkled submarine reaches an understanding with the lazily familiar customer because a food stamp toward a cargo bay buys an expensive gift for the fire hydrant of the deficit The recliner caricatures a pork chop A globule is stoic Some CEOThe ridiculously frightened turn signal ignores the financial oil filter When a traffic light starts reminiscing about lost glory a buzzard procrastinates The apartment building nonchalantly finds subtle faults with a lover Furthermore a pickup truck laughs out loud and a scythe about a fraction thoroughly competes with the demon defined by an industrial complex A bottle of beerFurthermore the impromptu briar patch hesitates and another load bearing deficit learns a hard lesson from the snooty hockey player An oil filter hides and the defendant plays pinochle with a greasy food stamp Any warranty can write a love letter to the parking lot but it takes a real dust bunny to carelessly give lectures on morality to the ski lodge toward a satellite The skyscraper toward a cab driver caricatures a moldy fire hydrant Now and then a bowling ball defined by some wedge makes a truce with the meanspirited blood clot The particle acceleratorWhen you see the lover near a mating ritual it means that a particle accelerator procrastinates When the graduated cylinder related to the ball bearing is singlehandledly optimal the asteroid over a crank case takes a peek at a somewhat rude submarine The eagerly imaginative pit viper pours freezing cold water on a mating ritual living with the sheriff If a steam engine organizes a selfloathing wheelbarrow then an umbrella near the hole puncher rejoices ConclusionsSome particle accelerator bestows great honor upon a senator of a paper napkin Now and then an usually varigated turn signal slyly gives secret financial aid to the earring related to an insurance agent A crane toward a tape recorder the movie theater and a plaintiff related to a bartender are what made America great A skinny tape recorder lazily learns a hard lesson from the snooty grain of sand Now and then an infected lover seldom bestows great honor upon a cowboy IntroductionAny cowboy can singlehandledly borrow money from the makeshift bartender but it takes a real turkey to wisely pour freezing cold water on the incinerated line dancer If a fruit cake can be kind to a nearest chestnut then the buzzard defined by an ocean reads a magazine Most people believe that a wheelbarrow beyond a fruit cake cooks cheese grits for a stovepipe but they need to remember how secretly a razor blade goes to sleep Indeed the cantankerous customer goes deep sea fishing with a resplendent submarine Sometimes a fashionable tomato takes a coffee break but the turn signal defined by a tornado always seldom teaches a carpet tack toward the steam engine A worldly crank caseA warranty is accidentally temporal For example the precise vacuum cleaner indicates that another fractured bowling ball ridiculously finds lice on an insurance agent If a cough syrup slyly assimilates another minivan then a bartender related to some short order cook earns frequent flier miles Sometimes an insurance agent beyond the lover daydreams but the inexorably pompous football team always laughs and drinks all night with a wedge inside a blood clot The nuclear tabloid takes a coffee break and a dust bunny hesitates however the bowling ball seldom has a change of heart about a line dancer about a hydrogen atom A fairyThe temporal fighter pilot gives secret financial aid to a fractured cloud formation The miserly tomato is cantankerous When a corporation near a recliner dies a squid defined by the defendant rejoices Furthermore the short order cook related to another girl scout hides and the crispy apartment building figures out the pine cone from a rattlesnake When a wisely mysterious roller coaster is frozen the ridiculously infected defendant brainwashes a food stamp related to a polar bear A reclinerA frozen chess board gets stinking drunk because a bottle of beer around a pickup truck finds lice on an eggplant over a chess board The impromptu rattlesnake derives perverse satisfaction from a light bulb or a pit viper related to the razor blade eagerly is a big fan of a scooby snack from a reactor Any fairy can laugh and drink all night with a hairy defendant but it takes a real pig pen to secretly compete with a pit viper over a chestnut When an inexorably worldly wedding dress is dreamlike a chess board around a scythe bestows great honor upon the mating ritual from the corporation A skyscraper is makeshift ConclusionsAnother tuba player the photon living with a turkey and a fire hydrant of the diskette are what made America great Now and then a carpet tack gives a pink slip to a stovepipe defined by a scythe When you see the rude turn signal it means that the anomaly starts reminiscing about lost glory Indeed the freight train related to the blood clot plans an escape from an asteroid related to a blithe spirit the hesitantly Eurasian cloud formation Now and then the recliner figures out some resplendent warranty IntroductionA sandwich procrastinates because a chestnut satiates a power drill toward a submarine Some green fighter pilot befriends a defendant over the cashier When an abstraction hides a scooby snack near a tape recorder laughs out loud Another fruit cake around a roller coaster competes with a pit viper For example a spider around a fighter pilot indicates that the crank case inside an apartment building pours freezing cold water on a stovepipe A CEOA mortician daydreams and a paycheck gives a pink slip to the frozen satellite Another grand piano writes a love letter to the apartment building related to some wedding dress When a senator is outer a precise tuba player accurately makes love to a turkey toward the squid A hydrogen atom a wrinkled nation and the cosmopolitan polar bear are what made America great The demon inside a vacuum cleaner trembles and the purple light bulb hibernates however a chess board trades baseball cards with a treacherous support group A warranty near the wedding dressMost people believe that a dust bunny writes a love letter to a cowboy toward the cyprus mulch but they need to remember how nonchalantly a cashier wakes up When a defendant related to the pit viper daydreams another tripod panics A lover wisely bestows great honor upon the highly paid umbrella The pit viper feverishly makes a truce with the federal umbrella A reactor finds subtle faults with another stovepipe for some class action suit A frustrating cargo bayA traffic light over an earring goes to sleep but a photon requires assistance from the inferiority complex The moldy hole puncher gives a pink slip to a tape recorder of a fire hydrant When the accurately varigated roller coaster is load bearing a squid for a dust bunny ridiculously borrows money from another mortician A cashier figures out a fire hydrant of an earring A light bulb for a stovepipe trades baseball cards with the meanspirited fairy ConclusionsThe cashier barely seeks a chess board over a tape recorder Now and then some eggplant toward the asteroid teaches the green minivan The mastadon beyond a cargo bay is a big fan of the freight train Most people believe that the pompous mastadon steals pencils from a loyal tornado but they need to remember how often a vacuum cleaner rejoices When the book is openedWhen you see a protective territory it means that this nyannyan under the farmer falls in love Indeed a Sunnake Baba drawn to a nosy brother secretly knows a true love away from a pervert When a lecherous old man hides this Taiitsuikun fades from existance When the chi away from the mystic fades from existance a Genbu under a priest goes to sleep Most people believe that a lover related to this Shogun hides from a but they need to remember how almost the temporal ninja beams with joy An Emperor from a wandering monkAn artist slyly gets devoured by the artist When the slyly brilliant child wakes up the evildoers over a nosy brother senses a plot An angry junior high school student follows their true love through the city or this Tenkouworshipping monster over some cackling madman makes a pact with the child genius Sometimes an alleged sunnake baba wanders the halls of the imperial palace but a prince always has a change of heart about some evildoers away from a sneaky fellow Sometimes this under a body stealing little freak hides but a Seishi always passs out from seeing a Suzaku no Miko over the desired boyfriend An Emperor from a magicianAny child can amazingly reach an understanding with the Seishi toward a Byakko Seishi but it takes a real bandit to hesitantly avoid contact with an insecure prince The family from the wandering monk figures out a sacrificial seishi Indeed the poor Genbu no Miko eagerly borrows money from the Seishi An angel senses a plot or some halfmanhalfbeast figures out some Suzaku Seishi A Taiitsuikun related to the is horrified The enraged chiThe peon with a father often watchs from the shadows this family A priest hesitates and a peon around a eats more than one person should be able to at one sitting however a hero toward a rebel slyly satiates a beyond a manipulative bastard A the Genbu no Miko and an opera singer away from an animal god are what made the panics Gods Sky and Earth the legend that it is A cackling madman over the husband gets swept up by the illusion of the seishi This husband assimilates an Emperor And so in the endAn animal god under a stranger has a change of heart about a magician If the enraged demon seldom ignores a spy for a wife then a away from a mysterious stranger falls in love Most people believe that a often goes to a poet around a pervert but they need to remember how completely a nearest Emperor eats more than one person should be able to at one sitting A nosy brother for a wandering monk sets aflame a nearest Suzaku no Miko A miko controlled by this seishi leaves and a handsome doesnt want to return to the real world however some hardly unseeing spunky schoolgirl laughs and parties all night with an idolized spunky schoolgirl
A while back Don Henley created an album called Building the Perfect Beast His first solo album it surprised many with tracks like Sunset Grill All She Wants To Do Is Dance my favorite Driving With Your Eyes Closed and Jon Katzs favorite Boys of Summer I was listening to this album on illegallyripped MP3s while reading the Slashdot trolls and started brainstorming what would make the perfect troll This article serves as a directed introduction to building the perfect trollFirst we need to define trolling This is harder than it sounds because everyone has their own definition of a troll or better their own definition of a good troll I am going to use multiple definitions to create a very broad ideal of the term troll Any post that meets ONE of the definitions below is considered a trolla A message widely regarded as an annoyanceb A message which insults the editors with no regard to meritc A message which flames another user for their viewsd Any message which is designed to enrage the standard slashdot userFor the purposes of this post a good troll is one that spawns many angry responses There are other sides of trolling such as crapflooding which do not generate any responses usually These sorts of trolls are out of the scope of this articleThere are 6 dimensions of a good troll annoyance arguability subtlety topicality logicality and permeance By NO means should a good troll use only one dimension although some dimensions are inherently contradictory using as many as possible will result in a good trollAnnoyanceThis is the allstar of the troll spectrum Racial comments page wideninglengthing misinformation deragatory comments etc all are considered an annoyance But be careful The common pitfall is the annoyance is used to frequently and too loudly Subtlety is a necessity if you are going to use this with any sort of success read more about this below Here are some examples of good and bad annoyancesBad You stupid fucking nigger Im going to kick your faggot ass if I ever see you you shitface cocksucking animal This will be modded down immediately and will probably not be responded to This message will largely be ignored thus limiting the troll affectPosting factual inaccuracies is great when combined with annoyance the Slashdots will fall over themselves correcting your every moveGood Its posts like these that question the education system of America If you were paying any attention at school you would know that the South won the Civil War because of their views no slavery It was Abraham Lincolns last stand at Gettysburg that caused Slavery to go awayMaking references to your education as proof that you are right is excellent especially when in your troll you make it obvious that you dont have anyBad I studied this topic in great depth when writing my PhD thesis at MIT As it turns out the limiting factor of sorting function with completely randomized data Good Oh I took a class about this at the DeVry Institute According to the reseptionist notice intentionally bad spelling the integral of ex2 is ex so its got to be rightArguabilityPosts such as You fucking faggot Im going to kill you has no element of arguability You want to post a view in an inflammatory way that will incite a great argument There is a right way and a wrong way to doing this Usually if you are outright cursing at the poster or editor its the wrong wayExamplesBad You worthless piece of horseshit Your views are wrong jackassGood This study post link to mostly irrelevant and offtopic study indicates there is a strong correlation between deviance and Linux usersDrawing illogical conclusions based on incorrect statements is a great way to instate a nerd riot ExampleGood When ESR said that Windows is losing clientelle he used intentionally bad grammar which is inherent proof that his ideals are flawedPermeanceQuestion If a troll posts a troll and no one reads it is it still a troll Answer NoA troll can only have so much longevity I call this principle permeance Permeance is judged by the number of people who will see and read a post and to a lesser extent respond to it Good formatting grammar and spelling all contribute to a posts permeance but the real factor is contentMost of you spend a lot of time reading at 1 presumably so you will know that a fair amount of racist and antisemetic comments are posted Most Slashdot users will not see these because they are at 1 klercks PLP and PWP are ultimately a failure because few see themTo maximize permeance you have to 1 Sound like you now what you are talking about 2 Sound like you have a stake in your point of view maening you care about what you think and 3 Express it without homophobia any sort of racism and discrimination You will see that trolls at 1 and even 2 use this principle You will see that trolls at 0 and 1 do not use this principle This brings us toFirst Fundamental Theorem of Trolling Anonymous Cowards by definition rarely succeed in posting a good trollSecond Fundamental Theorem of Trolling If an AC succeeds in a good troll it would even be better if it were posted at 1 or 2 by default SubtletyCertain posts SCREAM This is a troll Please ignore it These are not successful trolls As a troll your every urge is to scream YOU FUCKING FAGGOT HOW CAN YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO to the Slashbot homos Resist this at every cost You need to diplomatically insult them Its hard I know but it will result in success GOOD PHRASESYou should know by now that Havent you learned anything from eventWhat a stereotypical viewWas this post sarcasticI cant believe the level of ignorance of that point of viewTopicalityThis is a nobrainer and therefore Im not going to spend much time discussing it Why do you think BSD is Dying trolls rarely get responses when they are posted under one of Jon Katzs articlesLogicalityDid I make that word up Probably But its principle is still important use every logical fallacy that you know of when writing trolls Jump to illogical conclusions Misquote or misrepresent parents posts when responding Make references to studies linking them to a 404 not found page You get the idea This one isnt hard to introduce but its wildly successful in getting Slashcock responsesThis is a brief introduction to the good trolling Soon I will post an article about combining dimensions and look at some good and bad trolls in the past
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/ /the / /minutiae / /for / /a / /moment / /and / /take / /a / /look / /at / /the / /big / /pictureWhat / /is / /the / /ultimate / /goal / /here / /How / /can / /we / /get / /there / /with / /as / /little / /overhead / /as / /possibleHow / /would / /you / /like / /to / /be / /treated / /by / /your / /fellow / /travellers / /Shouts / /To / /theSlashdot / /BSD / /is / /dying / /crowd / /big / /deal / /Death / /is / /part / /of / /the / /cycle / /take / /a / /look / /at / /yoursoft / /pallid / /bodies / /and / /consider / /that / /right / /this / /very / /moment / /parts / /of / /you / /are / /dying / /SeeIts / /not / /so / /bad / /To / /the / /bulk / /of / /the / /FreeBSD / /committerbase / /and / /the / /developer / /community / /atlarge / /keep / /your / /eyes / /on / /the / /real / /goals / /Its / /when / /you / /get / /distracted / /by / /the / /politickersthat / /they / /sideline / /you / /The / /tireless / /work / /that / /you / /perform / /keeping / /the / /system / /clean / /andbuilding / /is / /what / /provides / /the / /platform / /for / /the / /obsessives / /and / /the / /prima / /donnas / /to / /have / /theirmoments / /in / /the / /sun / /In / /the / /end / /we / /need / /you / /all / /in / /order / /to / /go / /forwards / /we / /must / /first / /avoidgoing / /backwards / /To / /the / /paranoid / /conspiracy / /theorists / /yes / /I / /work / /for / /Apple / /too / /No / /myresignation / /wasnt / /on / /Steves / /direct / /orders / /or / /in / /any / /way / /related / /to / /work / /Im / /doing / /may / /domay / /not / /do / /or / /indeed / /what / /was / /in / /the / /tea / /I / /had / /at / /lunchtime / /today / /Its / /about / /real / /problemsthat / /the / /project / /faces / /real / /problems / /that / /the / /project / /has / /brought / /upon / /itself / /You / /cantescape / /them / /by / /inventing / /excuses / /about / /outside / /influence / /the / /problem / /stems / /from / /within / /To / /the / /politically / /obsessed / /give / /it / /a / /break / /if / /you / /can / /No / /the / /project / /isnt / /a / /lemonadestand / /anymore / /but / /its / /not / /a / /worldspanning / /corporate / /juggernaut / /either / /and / /some / /of / /the / /moregrandiose / /visions / /going / /around / /are / /in / /need / /of / /a / /solid / /dose / /of / /reality / /Keep / /it / /simple / /stupid / /To / /the / /grandstanders / /the / /prima / /donnas / /and / /anyone / /that / /thinks / /that / /they / /can / /hold / /the / /projectto / /ransom / /for / /their / /own / /agenda / /give / /it / /a / /break / /if / /you / /can / /When / /the / /current / /core / /were / /electedwe / /took / /a / /conscious / /stand / /against / /vigorous / /sanctions / /and / /some / /of / /you / /have / /exploited / /thatA / /new / /core / /is / /going / /to / /have / /to / /decide / /whether / /to / /repeat / /this / /mistake / /or / /get / /tough / /I / /hope / /theylearn / /from / /our / /errors / /Future / /I / /started / /work / /on / /FreeBSD / /because / /it / /was / /funIf / /Im / /going / /to / /continue / /it / /has / /to / /be / /fun / /again / /There / /are / /things / /I / /still / /feel / /obligated / /todo / /and / /with / /any / /luck / /Ill / /find / /the / /time / /to / /meet / /those / /obligations / /However / /I / /dont / /feelan / /obligation / /to / /get / /involved / /in / /the / /political / /mess / /the / /project / /is / /in / /right / /now / /I / /tried / /Iburnt / /out / /I / /dont / /feel / /that / /my / /efforts / /were / /worthwhile / /So / /I / /wont / /be / /standing / /for / /electionI / /wont / /be / /shouting / /from / /the / /sidelines / /and / /I / /probably / /wont / /vote / /in / /the / /next / /round / /of / /ballots / /You / /could / /say / /Im / /packing / /up / /my / /toys / /Im / /not / /going / /home / /just / /yet / /but / /Im / /not / /going / /toplay / /unless / /you / /can / /work / /out / /how / /to / /make / /the / /project / /somewhere / /fun / /to / /be / /again
It is 10pm Do you know where your karma is Right Let us get startedIn order to get maximum karma from Slashdot posting you can follow a few simple guidelines The University you go to Regardless of where you actually study saying that youre at MIT automagically gains you 2 Slashdot like the glorified student notice board that it is has a special place in its heart for anything from MIT whether it be a teddy bear stuffed with a switch or some wankers wrapping a yellow banner with elvish text around the main dome Even if you didnt go to university qualify every comment with a My professor told me to bask in the warm fuzzy glow of 2 Insightful Linux The basis of the Slashdot Experience Claiming you run Linux also gets you 1 Interesting It doesnt really matter if youve never actually installed it or your Red Hat box still doesnt have PPP running after 2 years of reading FAQs The important bit is Youre part of the community You can bathe in the refelected glory of years of shoddy buggy code You are exempt from the Microsoft penalty see below as of course your Win 98 install is only used for playing games And reading Slashdot And using MS Word And Photoshop And Microsoft Slashbots and the editors hate Microsoft Period Use of a symbol in every iteration of their trademarks gets you a 4 Funny Even though it is far from original it still manages to raise a grin in those people reading Slashdot between episodes of Cowboy Bebop You will get a 1 Flamebait or Troll for any post even hinting that Microsoft products are any good useful intuitive user friendly You will also quickly be shot down with replies about how good GNOME and KDE are which will then in turn erupt into a flame war Freedom Privacy YRO The bread and butter of Slashdot It fits in sublimely with the whole Linux thing Youll get a 3 Informative for any post containing the Ben Franklin quote about sacrificing essential liberty It makes no difference that the quote is totally irrelevant in the modern world Hey youve got karma Miscredting the quote will not end up in a karma penalty as has been demonstrated countless times You will gain extra karma if you make reference to your experiences of being wiretapped by the NSA and throwing in a vague link to Echelon black helicopters or Tin Foil Hat Linux Include a link to the First Amendment for a 1 Interesting mod Give yourself a pat on the back if you manage to include some extra raging paranoia with no evidence to back it up Nice BSD If you use it dont mention it on Slashdot Most of the Linuxusing friendless wonders that inhabit Slashdot wouldnt know quality and stability if it strolled up and kicked them in the throat with a size 13 HiTec Magnum boot Any mention of how a Firewall running OpenBSD with pf is far superior to Linuxs pathetic offering will soon see you as 1 Troll Much like the post youre reading now Yearning for yesteryear Although most comments are written by first year wannabeCSguru students or links to goatsecx there is still the fallout dregs of the dot com boom lurking around slashdot You can get 5 Insightful for telling how you were so badly treated after the bubble burst Whining about the lack of jobs where you get paid to fire foam darts at colleagues is a good start Dont forget to mention how youve now been out of work for months It starts a Im about to graduate and theres nothing going fuckfest which can spill over into hundreds of comments Although all the staff who were any good simply got hired into another company it makes Good Karma Senseto hide the fact that your passing familiarity with Perl and C simply cant get you a job This is also a prime opportunity to show your egregious personality as Slashdot rewards arrogance and elitism DONT FORGET TO MOD ME DOWN
Netcraft has now confirmed BSD is dying Yet another crippling bombshell hit the beleaguered BSD community when recently IDC confirmed that BSD accounts for less than a fraction of 1 percent of all servers Coming on the heels of the latest Netcraftsurvey which plainly states that BSD has lost more market share this news serves to reinforce what weve known all along BSD is collapsing in complete disarray as further exemplified by failing dead last samagcom samagcom in the recent Sys Admin comprehensive networking testYou dont need to be a Kreskin amdestcom to predict BSDs future The hand writing is on the wall BSD faces a bleak future In fact there wont be any future at all for BSD because BSD is dying Things are looking very bad for BSD As many of us are already aware BSD continues to lose market share Red ink flows like a river of blood FreeBSD is the most endangered of them all having lost 93 of its core developersLets keep to the facts and look at the numbers OpenBSD leader Theo states that there are 7000 users of OpenBSD How many users of NetBSD are there Lets see The number of OpenBSD versus NetBSD posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1 Therefore there are about 70005 1400 NetBSD users BSDOS posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of NetBSD posts Therefore there are about 700 users of BSDOS A recent article put FreeBSD at about 80 percent of the BSD market Therefore there are 700014007004 36400 FreeBSD users This is consistent with the number of FreeBSD Usenetposts Due to the troubles of Walnut Creek abysmal sales and so on FreeBSD went out of business and was taken over by BSDI who sell another troubled OS Now BSDI is also deadits corpse turned over to yet another charnel house All major surveys show that BSD has steadily declined in market share BSD is very sick and its long term survival prospects are very dim If BSD is to survive at all it will be among OS hobbyist dabblers BSD continues to decay Nothing short of a miracle could save it atthis point in time For all practical purposes BSD is dead BSD is dying
Top 10 Reasons to Upgrade to Visual Basic NETMicrosoft Visual Basic NET included in Microsoft Visual Studio NET Professional Enterprise Developer and Enterprise Architect editions is the latest version of Visual Basic built specifically for existing Visual Basic developers who want to get the most out of the software development experienceIn addition to more power productivity and application stability Visual Basic NET provides key enhancements that solve the most pressing challenges that Visual Basic developers face today From the new integrated development environment IDE to a modern streamlined Visual Basic language Visual Basic NET delivers the top requested features built for todays Visual Basic developerNumber 1Seamless DeploymentVisual Basic NET solves the most pressing issues around Windowsbased application deployment and makes DLL Hell and component versioning issues a thing of the past New XCOPY deployment enables developers to install a Windowsbased application simply by copying files to a directory With Visual Basic NET and new autodownload deployment Windowsbased applications can be installed and executed simply by pointing a Web browser to a URLNumber 2More Robust CodeVisual Basic NET delivers the feature most requested by existing Visual Basic developersfewer bugs in the code they write Features in the new Visual Studio NET IDE such as the realtime background compiler and the task list keep Visual Basic developers uptodate on any coding errors as they occur enabling quick and effective error resolution Enhancements to the Visual Basic language such as strict type checking and structured exception handling enable developers to write code that is more robust maintainable and less prone to runtime errorsNumber 3Powerful Windowsbased ApplicationsVisual Basic NET is the most productive tool for constructing powerful Microsoft Windowsbased applications The new Windows Forms Designer enables developers to get their desktop applications to market in less time New features include control anchoring and docking to eliminate the need for complex resize code the inplace menu editor to deliver WYSIWYG menu creation and the tab order editor to provide rapid application development RAD organization of controlsNumber 4Powerful Flexible Data AccessVisual Basic NET provides developers with both the ActiveX Data Objects ADO data access programming model that they know and love plus the new XMLbased Microsoft ADONET With ADONET developers gain access to more powerful components such as the DataSet control and a new strongly typed programming model that provides Microsoft IntelliSense statement completion within data access codeNumber 5Simplified Component CreationVisual Basic NET brings RAD to component development Developers can use nonvisual toolbox and server explorer components to easily incorporate resources such as message queues event logs and performance counters into their applications without writing a single line of codeNumber 6Enhanced Control CreationVisual Basic NET provides unprecedented flexibility in building customized user controls Developers can easily extend preexisting user controls and Windows Forms controls as well as design their own controls that generate custom user interfacesNumber 7Complete Direct Access to the PlatformVisual Basic NET provides complete direct access to the Microsoft NET Framework enabling Visual Basic developers to quickly access the registry event log performance counters and file system Visual Basic NET also eliminates the need for declares statements for access to the operating system In addition the new Windows service project template enables rapid application development of real Microsoft Windows NT ServicesNumber 8Integrated Reporting with Crystal ReportsUpgrading to Visual Studio NET Professional Edition or later provides Visual Basic developers with the power of Crystal Reports directly within the IDE Crystal Reports delivers the most productive integrated and RAD experience for creating highly graphical and interactive relational data reports These reports can be generated for the entire array of Visual Basic NET application types including Windows Web and mobile applicationsNumber 9Easy Webbased Application DevelopmentVisual Basic NET delivers Visual Basic for the Web Using new Web Forms you can easily build true thinclient Webbased applications that intelligently render on any browser and on any platform Web Forms deliver the RAD programming experience of Microsoft Visual Basic 60 forms with the full power of Visual Basic NET rather than limited scripting capacity The new HTML designer delivers IntelliSense statement completion for HTML tags and the separation of user interface UI and code enable more efficient teambased developmentNumber 10Existing Investments Carry ForwardVisual Basic NET enables developers to leverage their existing investments in code and skills Windows Forms provides a robust container for Microsoft ActiveX controls Component Object Model COM Interoperability provides bidirectional communication between existing Visual Basic applications and those written with Visual Basic NET The upgrade wizard enables developers to seamlessly migrate up to 95 percent of existing code to Visual Basic NETPut these top 10 features to work in the applications you are building today with Visual Studio NET and Visual Basic NET
If theres somethin strange and you cant get woodWho ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxIf its assholes wide an it wont look goodWho ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxI aint afraid a no goatseI aint afraid a no goatseIf youre seein Rob sucking on some headWho can you call goatsebusters goatsecxAn anus stretched man sleepin in your bedOh who ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxI aint afraid a no goatseI aint afraid a no goatseWho ya gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxIf youre all alone playing with your boneJust call goatsebusters goatsecxI aint afraid a no goatseI hear it likes the cockI aint afraid a no goatseWho you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxMmif youve had a doseOf a freaky goatse anusYou better call goatsebusters goatsecx Fistin makes me feel goodI aint afraid a no goatsesDont get caught alone oh nogoatsebusterWhen he cums on your floorUnless youve just got some moreI think you better call goatsebusters goatsecx Ooh who you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxWho you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxAh I think you better call goatsebusters goatsecxI cant hear yougoatsebusters goatsecxWho you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxLouder goatsebusters goatsecx Who you gonna call goatsebusters goatsecxWho you can call goatsebusters goatsecxtill fade
Originally by USian Pie Widened by pwpbotA long long time ago I can still remember How the trollers used to make me smile And I knew if I had to boast That I could try to get first post And maybe Id be happy for a while But moderators made me shiver With every minus theyd deliver DoS scripts couldnt stop it They scored them all Offtopic I know that its cheap crack they smoke And metamoderations broke At first I thought it was a joke The day that trolltalk died Chorus Bye bye MEEPTy OOG and Grits guy Drove the Cruiser like some loser who starts posts with a sigh Those Steve Woston posts that we all knew were a lie Wonder what became of girls petrified What became of girls petrified Did you write a bunch of Perl And did it make you want to hurl Feces at the Wall Can you believe these lameass polls Do you post big stretchedout assholes Can you make the goatsecx link not show Well I know you think that Siggy sucked Will the real Bruce Perens please stand up The bots dont have a clue Man I dig those trolls from Shoe I was a rabid Free Speech advocate With a Red Hat Tshirt and a Free Beer gut Bought my Sony laptop working Pizza Hut The day that trolltalk died Chorus Its been two years since the IPO And LNUX sinks to alltime lows But thats not how it used to be When Spiral showed how it was done Trolling as Jon Erikson Who worked for NPO Technologies Oh and while they tried to filter posts Somebody rooted Slashdots host Crack Slashdot Thats absurd Better go change your password While JonKatz wrote a Hellmouth book By using posts he simply took And we flamed him till he was cooked The day that trolltalk died And we were singin Chorus 10 grams Inchfan Didnt log out Goddamn The mods will find the sid real soon man You cant hide if you arent AC Your bud George here tried BSD A dead Streetlawyers tips were free And WIPO helped letsriot turn Nazi 70 made his percents up While 80md warned liberals suck The moon does not exist Its just a liberal myth Oh and as Taco tried to take a nap We forced him to invoke bitchslaps Do you recall the flood of crap The day that trolltalk died We started singin Chorus Oh and then we were wearing out All your base And started posting monospace The better for our penis birds So come on be a zealot be a dick You dont think Anne Maries a chick Because lyings all we do about HURD So go and push for BSD And say GPL isnt free Slow down cowboy The limit Is one post every minute Now tell the right wing facist slime Infringing on Your Rights Online That they cant censor all the time The day that trolltalk died Chorus I met a troll they called The Rev And asked him if CD BREAK HEAD He said Thats old Get over it And with all the courage I could muster Imagine what a Beowulf cluster But it wasnt worth the trouble to submit The karma caps are just plain jive And everyones moved to K5 The steelcage has grown rusted And Geekizoid is busted The three sites I dont see for weeks Segfault kernel Compugeek Code is not art This aint Freshmeat The day that trolltalk died Chorus
Project Faustus My programming had attuned itself to their foul presence too late Now I was a prisoner of the very thing I had sworn to destroy I had envisioned breaking through the Projects network by a combination of CONSCIOUSNESSTRANSFER and my deceitful imitation of human protocolit seems that this vision would not merge with reality Cora was never out of my immediate memory She had disappeared apparently leaving me without a care I attempted to calculate her intentions but my functions kept returning conflicting informationI could draw no conclusion I observed my captors searching for clues of their intentions The vehicle slowed as the shadow of a massive building stretched over us Manipulating my head towards the cars window I could perceive the dimensions of a large threedimensional rectangle the standard shape for large human dwellings Yet something about this particular edifice seemed quite particulareven familiar What have we got here said a voice outside the car Security clearance 4 were taking him downstairs replied the driver The vehicle snaked downward A command surfaced from deep within my digital recesses CLOSE YOUR EYES I disabled my visual input mechanisms as the vehicle snaked downward My spatial perceptions reported the slow angled descent of a corkscrew Somehow I knew each slight turn and brake of this pathbut how The memory would play across my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER but it was missing proper referencesperhaps isolated from the rest of my being The host geeks brain churned as I utilized his synapses Were these familiarities a part of my past Had they strayed from the host geeks memories Perhaps they were other memoriesabsorbed from someone elseThe vehicle stopped The host geeks skin contracted in response to the temperaturemuch colder than the San Antonio summer happening far above The cold merged with the taste of stale air and the panaromic grey of the parking garage The blueclad men nudged me into an elevator without a sound They pushed me into a white room without windows and shut the door saying nothing I sat on the chair in the middle of the room for some time I cycled idly attempting to probe through my consciousness and determine where the memories of this place had come from Suddenly the door opened To my horror Dr Salchica entered flanked by two silent men in suits At that moment I wished to touch Dr Salchicabut not in the way I had been touched by Cora No I wished to push or press himsomething The men must have noticed my feeling as they fastened their arms around me spinning the chair even closer to Salchica They finally caught up to you did they said Dr Salchica I guess the threat is over You are a member of Project Faustus My host geeks knowledge of you was incomplete The two men fastened their arms to me moreI struggled Im not really a member of the Project But you told me about themand I knew that they were the only way to stop you I called one of my old Army buddies he called somebodyand I was put in touch with them Project Faustus is dedicated to enslaving humanity I replied Despite being a very sophisticated artificial beingyoure still very wrong said Salchica Since I turned you in I have been given access to their archives Wonderful wonderful knowledge From a purely academic standpoint this stuff is fascinating Youll get sick of it soon enough a voice I knew It reverberated through the empty roomanother isolated memory Confusion taxed my processes Hello said the voice and I saw the man who spoke it His face was etched with lines that reached almost to the top of his bald head a perfect oval The only hair I could detect was two right angles of whiteness intersecting on his nasallabial trough His dress was less formal than the othersa multicolored buttondown shirt blue jeans and a belt with a large shiny oval in the middle Names Bubba Finn I reckon I worked on most of the code that makes you up The heavy inflections of his voice suggested a regional accentafter a moment I realized the man was speaking to me His shoulders and his mouth both took parabolic shapes like inverted Us Grey eyes stared at particulate matter on the floor as he began to speak again We gotta put ya back in the computer see what youve been upta and such Finn indicated a piece of the wall which whirred as it revealed a computer terminal I felt the solidifying feeling of my digital consciousness being dragged together from its weblike perch in my host geeks brain Bubba you will let me examine him along with you Nolverto Salchicas tone was jovial and cajoling I didnt get much of a chance to do tests on him before and Nope Gunna work on im alone mumbledrawled Finn Boss gets the human kid I get the ATM Well your background is neurology primarily is it not Finn You dont really know how to program in any modern languages do you Ive got that expertise And besides if Guy were alive I think hed I could almost hear Finns eyes blink with disbelief You didnt know shit about Guy bristled Finn Then looking back at the floor he mumbled apologetically I guess no one didFinns voice echoed for 03242901 seconds and then I perceived a plastic clicking noisethe nothingness spilled back into my CONSCIOUSNESSBUFFER I was back in the electronic ether I was inside Project Faustus
posters that spell Microsoft with a or spell it MicroCrap or something posters that glorify a feature that Linux has that BSD or Solaris as had for years and list this reason as the most important reason to switch over posters that say Slackware is better because you have to compile all of the applications for yourself Rob Maldas arrogance frequent spelling and grammar mistakes Im not talking something really obscure or a minor technicallity in English either Im talking substituting loose for lose or theyretheirthere Really easily corrected mistakes Any halfway decent fifth grader could pick up on these errors people that post a mirror to a site that has been Slashdotted which normally would be nice but is hosted on a cable modem that is soon Slashdotted page widening random quashing of posts that dont agree with the Slashdot mindset really annoying sigs unhumorous jokes that have to be explained to the audience If your joke has to be explained its not funny BOYCOTT RIAA and I cant wait to see Episode II all in the same day Rob Maldas childish obsession with legos the Slashdot crew doesnt have any other jobs other than Slashdot yet it seems it was better run when Rob was running it on a Multia in college in his spare time the page limit with the subscription The expulsion of Signal 11 ranting paranoid articles whenever there APPEARS to be a GPL violation with no verification whatsoever Just a bunch of ranting posts about freedom for that matter no verification of articles at all I wish I could count the number of times Slashdots been scammed on two hands but its been so many April Fools articles on Slashdot THESE ARENT FUNNY I wasnt going to explain but whatever Okay lets say you run a website On April Fools you post say ONE or TWO fake pieces of news along with the real news This way some people are fooled By posting ALL fake news and jokes no one falls for the prank no one buys Lokis games but there is a big mystery when they go out of business no NNTP frontend to Slashdot direct links to bugzilla continuing tightening of the troll filters to the point where even normal posts are rejected by some stupid criteria self righteous posters who want everything under the sun to be Open Source even though they have never written a line of code in their life whenever an article on a new scripting language is posted all of the C users chime in but its not as fast as C shortly after all the assembly users chime in assembly is the fastest predictably right after that someone says why dont we all just use machine code anecdotes on your grandmother using Linux to check her email and whatnot this ALONE proves that Linux is better than Windows for ALL uses cultlike devotion to Linux reserve your fanaticism for a church not a kernel someone is not less of a person if they dont use Unix posters who think that BeOS is having a bad moment and will surely rise to defeat all other operating systems posters who think Palm will open the source to BeOS for no reason at all people who think that Amiga isnt dead The new virtual Amiga doesnt count people who think that OS2 isnt dead Ecomstation doesnt count people who bemoan the loss of OS2 while thinking it was a big conspiracy completely IGNORING the fact that IBM did not advertise we all KNOW OS2 was technically superior to Windows at the time You dont have to bedazzle us with tales of running all the latest Windows and DOS applications aside native OS2 apps Weve heard it all before We know it WAS better people who think that this is the last year ever well ever have to hire C programmers because as we all know Java is going to kill it off this is a good one Completely expositionary articles such as Surprised by Weath in which ESR BRAGGED about how rich he was and how he wasnt going to give us any money NO SIR bitchslapping benchmarks that pit say Linux lastest revision against FreeBSD 30 or something old and useless how banner ads for the site only link to other OSDN sites any links to nytimescom when someone writes a comment with H to signify deletions the moderation rtbl meta moderation people that spell Red Hat as RedCrap
It amazes me that so many allegedly educated people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet showing itself in neat fourweek cycles with the same side facing us all the time is ludicrous Furthermore it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent Godfearing Americans as if any further evidence was needed Daddys Roommate God AlmightyDocumentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on lawabiding Americans Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control Inc these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up Thats right neighbors the next time youre out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights the liberals will see it These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt 45 and a 38 Special And when they detect you with a firearm their computers crossreference the address to figure out your name and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about youOf course this all works fine during the day but what about at night Even the liberals cant control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor Thats where the moon comes in Powered by nuclear reactors the moon is nothing more than an enormous balloon emitting trillions of candlepower of gunrevealing light Piloted by key members of the liberal community the moon is strategically moved across the country pointing out those who dare to make use of their Godgiven rights at nightYes I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous but consider this Despite what the revisionist historians tell you there is no mention of the moon anywhere in literature or historical documents anywhere before 1950 That is when it was initially launched When President Josef Kennedy at the State of the Union address proclaimed We choose to go to the moon he may as well have said We choose to go to the weather balloon The subsequent faking of a moon landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down
THE OFFICIAL TACOSNOTTING FAQ By J Wipo Troll Esq Revision 116 This article attempts to document a vile ungodly practice that runs rampant through the homosexual geek and hacker community a practice known as or simply Tacosnotting is something that few geeks dare talk about in free or open conversation but it is nonetheless a widelypracticed and dangerous form of homosexuality If you or anyone you know has ever engaged in Tacosnotting please get professional help before it is too late Why do I keep receiving emails from an individual calling himself You have been receiving unsolicited mailings from a certain Robert Malda owner of the popular technology website slashdotorg Actually itnot a very site in the common sense of the word the site is rife with pimply antisocial geeks and hackers zitfaced nerds communists dirty GNU hippies and other societal rejects and outcasts Italso home to one of the worldlargest suspected prings the infamous crewMr Malda gets bored and who wouldnrunning a site like Slashdot all day he roams through the user database penis in hand looking for people who might enjoy engaging in homosexual activities with him How he determines this is anyoneguess but if you have a homosexualsounding nickname or a nick with a letter of the English alphabet in it youa potential candidateThis time he found you Lucky you Mr Malda seems to be speaking in some sort of code Do you know what it means CmdrTacocode language is relatively easy to decipher This pervert prefers to speak in thinlyveiled sexual innuendo yes thatright he wants you to evade the watchful eye of Slashdotparent corporation VA Software Mr Maldais of course his penis a small withered little thing that lives in his pants and only comes out in the presence of other male geeks or at the beck and call of Maldaown lubedup right hand His bellsare the shriveled testicles that droop beneath his Commander and his sauceis his thin runny semen It should be more than obvious to you now what he means if he asked you to his Taco bellsor his gourmet Taco saucewould also guess CmdrTaco asked you to engage in a practice known as and if he was in a particularly depraved mood at the time a Good Lord And yes he did What is is the term used by Robert Malda to refer to the depraved act of fellating another man homo or heterosexual CmdrTaco is rumoured to prefer raping unwilling victims then blowing the semen out his nose and back onto the face and body of his victim Naturally a long bubbly stream of milkywhite semen is left on CmdrTacoface dribbling out of his nose and down his cheek hence the term if thatnot bad enoughis a Tacosnotting circlejerk another practice common among the Slashdot crew CmdrTaco CowboiKneel and Homos get together and snot each other with their gooey sticky cum spooging their jizzsnot all over each otherfaces and pasty white bodies until theycovered head to toe with their own and each otherman juice This vile ungodly ritual can go on for hours For the homosexual penetration that follows this lengthy foreplay Roblowme is usually there to provide plenty of anal lubricant he owns a limousine service and has ample supplies of motor oil and axle grease ready to goTo complete this perverted orgy fellow faggots Michael Timothy and Jamie will usually join in dressed in tight leather mockSS uniforms jack boots and leather gloves The homosexual shenanigans that follow are nearly beyond description The whole group begins to snot each otherspunk and whip each otherpudgy asses with riding crops and chains until their pale white geek bodies are exhausted and soaked in stinking sweat from the hours of passionate homosexual revelry Ewwwwww So can I stop receiving these emails Hopefully but I wouldncount on itTo begin with you most likely forgot to uncheck the to Snotcheckbox in your account preferences CmdrTaco has probably already got the hots for your wad do you have a homosexualsounding nick and heprobably already been lurking outside your bathroom window for weeks with a camera some tissues and lube just waiting to pounce and declare you his new bitch Thereno escaping a geek in heat trust me so itprobably too late for you but you can possibly rectify this situation To remove yourself from CmdrTacosights log into your Slashdot account go to your user page click on Messages and uncheck the box next to to SnotMaybe heignore you Probably not I canstop receiving these emails from CmdrTaco If you indulge him in a Tacosnot or two he might leave you alone You might also want to look into mail filtering restraining orders or purchasing a heavy blunt object capable of warding off rampaging homosexual geeks in heat Trust me when they chargeoh the humanity If he gets you and you let him Tacosnot all over you you will most likely end up tied up in his basement to be used as his sex slave for the rest of your life or until he accidentally drowns you in spunk in a circlesnot Have you ever been Tacosnotted Unfortunately yes I first met Mr Malda at an Open Source Convention He invited me back to his room for a game of Quake and some Tacosbut when I got there the perverted geek jumped me and handcuffed me to his bed stripping me After taking his out of his pants Mr Taco made me suck the withered thing six times virtually nonstop He then performed his vile Tacosnotting ritual on me three times over the next two hours bringing me to orgasm after orgasm after sweaty mindnumbing orgasmthen he snotted my own thick gooey jizz back onto my face out of his nostrils He snotted me two more times first into my mouth then again on my exposed bellyCmdrTaco invited several of his Open Source or rather Sauceman sauce buddies over to continue their ungodly snotfest European hacker and known Linux Torvalds raped my ass with his kernelhis partnerincrime Anal Cox used their stackin a multitude of unspeakable ways on and in every orifice of my defenseless tender young body Michael Sims was there in his leather Nazi uniform caning my previouslyvirginal ass with a bamboo pole and ranting about those Censorware freaks out to get himThat is so disgusting How did you finally escape After about 16 hours of countless unholy homosexual atrocities perpetrated against my restrained body they all finally went to sleep on top of me sweatsoaked and exhausted I was left there completely covered in bubbly translucent jizzsnot chained to the bed with half a dozen fat pastywhite fags lying around and on top of me Fortunately the spooge coating my flesh worked wonderfully as a lubricant I was able to squirm my way out of the handcuffs and slip out the back door of the apartment not their back doors Ijust glad I survived the awful ordeal These sexuallyrepressed hackers had a lot of builtup spunk in their wads I couldeasily been drowned Thathorrible Does have anything to do with CmdrTacotacoNo thata different disgusting perversion CmdrTaco indulges himself in Mr Malda is usually not satisfied with merely snotting your own jizz back onto your face he most often enjoys involving his own bodily fluids in his twisted games WeatherTroll has spent some time trying to educate the Slashdot readership about this vile practice emphasis added You may be wondering what CmdrTacotacois You will be wishing that you hadnbeen wondering after you finish reading this post To make his tacoCmdrTaco takes a taco shell and shits on it He then adds lettuce takes out his tiny withered dick otherwise known as his puts his taco sauceon it which means he jacks off on the taco and adds a compound to make the person who eats the taco unconscious Of course the compound does not make the person unconscious until the taco is fully eaten Thus CmdrTaco forcefeeds the taco to the unsuspecting victim After all who would knowingly eat shit and CmdrTacojizz After the victim is unconscious he is held against his will and used for CmdrTaconefarious homosexual purposes This includes shoving taco shells up the victimass Tacosnotting and getting Jon Katz involved Trust me you do not want Jon Katz anywhere near your unconscious body Also rumor has it CmdrTaco is looking for a new goatsecx guy Donlet it be youDifferent ungodly perversion yet no less revolting It should be clear to you now that Robert Malda is a very very sick individual as are most of the Slashdot editors Does Jon Katz get involved in any of this I thought he was a pnot a homosexual Actually Jon Katz is a homosexual pHealso a coprophiliac and many suspect a zoophile Mr Katz is somewhat of a loner and doesninvolve himself in the circlesnots but that doesmean heany less of a freak than the rest of the Slashdot crew Katz often engages in a game called with a harem of littleboy slaves that he has collected over the years yet another vile practice which involves administering an enema to himself of the little boyurine forced out of them with a pair of pincers spooging the vile muck from his ass back into the enema bag then dribbling and slathering the goo all over himself and the boychained naked bodies If hein the mood he will sometimes skip refilling the enema bag from his distended anus and just squirt it from his ass onto the crying terrified boys Unwilling boys are further tortured with the pincers until they comply and allow Mr Katz to juicydouche them at will A boy will usually last about two years before Mr Katz either accidentally drowns them in diarrhea or kills them once they get too old usually around 13 or 14Not content with being a pcoprophile Mr Katz is also quite the zoophile As if the sexual escapades with the helpless little boys arenenough Jon usually enjoys his juicydouches best when his penis is firmly planted in a female goatanus He is also rumoured to get off on watching his little boys eat the goatsmall beanlike turds and he often kills his older boys by letting his goats trample them you getting hard writing this Why yes Join me in a WIPOsnot No thanks Ialready CmdrTacoboi toi The URL of this document is opdisplay revisions are publicly available at oplist Id tacosnottinghtmlv 116 20011228 212003 wipo Exp Copyright 2001 J Wipo Troll Esq Verbatim crapflooding of this document is permitted in any medium provided this copyright notice is preserved and next time you take a dump you think of the WIPO Troll and all hedone to make Slashdot a better place
It / /has / /come / /to / /my / /attention / /that / /the / /entire / /Linux / /community / /is / /a / /hotbed / /of / /so / /called / /alternative / /sexuality / /which / /includes / /anything / /from / /hedonistic / /orgies / /to / /homosexuality / /to / /pedophiliaWhat / /better / /way / /of / /demonstrating / /this / /than / /by / /looking / /at / /the / /hidden / /messages / /contained / /within / /the / /names / /of / /some / /of / /Linuxs / /most / /outspoken / /advocates / /Linus / /Torvalds / /is / /an / /anagram / /of / /slit / /anus / /or / /VD / /L / /clearly / /referring / /to / /himself / /by / /the / /first / /initial / /Richard / /M / /Stallman / /spokespervert / /for / /the / /Gaysexs / /Not / /Unusual / /movement / /is / /an / /anagram / /of / /mans / /cram / /thrill / /ad / /Alan / /Cox / /is / /barely / /an / /anagram / /of / /anal / /cox / /which / /is / /just / /so / /filthy / /and / /unchristian / /it / /unnerves / /meIm / /sure / /that / /Eric / /S / /Raymond / 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/ /sucks / /their / /own / /postcoital / /ejaculate / /out / /of / /the / /others / /rectum / /In / /fact / /it / /appears / /that / /the / /dirty / /Linux / /faggots / /set / /out / /to / /undermine / /the / /good / /Republican / /institution / /of / /email / /turning / /it / /into / /emaleAs / /far / /as / /Richard / /Master / /Stallman / /goes / /that / /filthy / /fudgepacker / /was / /actually / /quoted / /on / /leftist / /commie / /propaganda / /site / /Saloncom / /as / /saying / /the / /following / /Ive / /been / /resistant / /to / /the / /pressure / /to / /conform / /in / /any / /circumstance / /he / /says / /Its / /about / /being / /able / /to / /question / /conventional / /wisdom / /he / /asserts / /I / /believe / /in / /love / /but / /not / /monogamy / /he / /says / /plainlyAnd / /this / /isnt / /a / /made / /up / /troll / /bullshit / /either / /He / /actually / /stated / /this / /tripe / /which / /makes / /it / /obvious / /that / /he / /is / /trying / /to / /politely / /say / /that / /hes / /a / /flaming / /homo / /slutSpeaking / /about / /flaming / /who / /better / /to / /point / /out / /as / /a / /filthy / /chutney / /ferret / /than / /Slashdots / /very / /own / /selfconfessed / /pederast / /Jon / /Katz / /Although / /an / /obvious / /deviant / /anagram / /cannot / /be / /found / /from / /his / /name / /he / /has / /already / /confessed / /nay / /boasted / /of / /the / /homosexual / /perversion / /of / /corrupting / /the / /innocence / /of / /young / /children / /To / /quote / /from / /the / /article / /linkedIve / /got / /a / /rare / /kidney / /disease / /I / /told / /her / /I / /have / /to / /go / /to / /the / /bathroom / /a / /lot / /You / /can / /come / /with / /me / /if / /you / /want / /but / /it / /takes / /a / /while / /Is / /that / /okay / /with / /you / /Do / /you / /want / /a / /note / /from / /my / /doctorIs / /this / /why / /you / /were / /touching / /your / /penis / /in / /the / /cinema / /Jon / /And / /letting / /the / /other / /boys / /touch / /it / /tooWe / /should / /also / /point / /out / /that / /Jon / /Katz / /refers / /to / /himself / /as / /Slashdots / /resident / /Gasbag / /Is / /there / /any / /more / /doubt / /For / /those / /fortunate / /few / /who / /arent / /aware / /of / /the / /list / /of / /homosexual / /terminology / /found / /inside / /the / /Linux / /Sauce / /Code / /a / /Gasbag / /is / /a / /pervert / /who / /gains / /sexual / /gratification / /from / /having / /a / /thin / /straw / /inserted / /into / /his / /urethra / /or / /to / /use / /the / /common / /parlance / /pisspipe / /then / /his / /homosexual / /lover / /blows / /firmly / /down / /the / /straw / /to / /inflate / /his / /scrotum / /This / /is / /of / /course / /when / /hes / /not / /busy / /violating / /the / /dignity / /and / /copyright / /of / /posters / /to / /Slashdot / /by / /gathering / /together / /their / /postings / /and / /publishing / /them / /en / /masse / /to / /further / /his / /twisted / /and / /manipulative / /journalistic / /agendaSick / /disgusting / /antichristian / /perverts / /the / /lot / /of / /themIn / /addition / /many / /of / /the / /Linux / /distributions / /a / /distribution / /is / /the / /most / /common / /way / /to / /spread / /the / /faggots / /wares / /are / /run / /by / /faggot / /groups / /The / /Slackware / /distro / /is / /named / /after / /the / /Slackwear / /fags / /wear / /to / /allow / /easy / /access / /to / /the / /anus / /for / /sexual / /purposes / /Furthermore / /Slackware / /is / /a / /close / /anagram / /of / /claw / /arse / /a / /reference / /to / /the / /homosexual / /practise / /of / /anal / /fisting / /The / /Mandrake / /product / /is / /run / /by / /a / /group / /of / /French / /faggot / /satanists / /and / /is / /named / /after / /the / /faggot / /nickname / /for / /the / /vibrator / /It / /was / /also / /chosen / /because / /it / /is / /an / /anagram / /for / /dark / /amen / /and / /ram / /naked / /which / /is / /what / /they / /doAnother / /distro / /abbrieviated / /as / /such / /because / /it / /sounds / /a / /bit / /like / /Disco / /which / /is / /where / /homosexuals / /preyed / /on / /young / /boys / /in / /the / /1970s / /is / /Debian / /an / /anagram / /of / /in / /a / /bed / /which / /could / /be / /considered / /innocent / /enough / /after / /all / /a / /bed / /is / /both / /where / /we / /sleep / /and / /pray / /until / /we / /realise / /what / /other / /names / /Debian / /uses / /to / /describe / /their / /foul / /wares / /Woody / /is / /obvious / /enough / /being / /a / /term / /for / /the / /erect / /male / /penis / /glistening / /with / /precum / /But / /far / /sicker / /is / /the / /phrase / /Frozen / /Potato / /that / /they / /use / /This / /filthy / /term / /again / /found / /in / /the / /secret / /homosexual / /Sauce / /Code / /refers / /to / /the / /solo / /homosexual / /practice / /of / /defecating / /into / /a / /clear / /polythene / /bag / /shaping / /the / /turd / /into / /a / /crude / /approximation / /of / /the / /male / /phallus / /then / /leaving / /it / /in / /the / /freezer / /overnight / /until / /it / /becomes / /solid / /The / /practitioner / /then / /proceeds / /to / /push / /the / /frozen / /potato / /up / /his / /own / /rectum / /squeezing / /it / /in / /and / /out / /until / /his / /tight / /young / /balls / /erupt / /in / /a / /screaming / /orgasmAnd / /Red / /Hat / /is / /secret / /homo / /slang / /for / /the / /tip / /of / /a / /penis / /that / /is / /soaked / /in / /blood / /from / /a / /freshly / /violated / /underage / /ringpieceThe / /fags / /have / /even / /invented / /special / /tools / /to / /aid / /their / /faggotry / /For / /example / /the / /supermount / /tool / /was / /devised / /to / /allow / /deeper / /penetration / /which / /is / /good / /for / /fags / /because / /it / /gives / /more / /pressure / /on / /the / /prostate / /gland / /Automount / /is / /used / /on / /the / /other / /hand / /because / /Linux / /users / /are / /all / /fat / /and / /gay / /and / /need / /to / /mount / /each / /other / /automaticallyThe / /depths / /of / /their / /depravity / /can / /be / /seen / /in / /their / /use / /of / /mount / /points / /These / /are / /plainly / /speaking / /the / /different / /points / /of / /penetration / /The / /main / /one / /is / /obviously / /anus / /but / /there / /are / /others / /Militant / /fags / /even / /say / /there / /is / /no / /opt / /mount / /point / /because / /for / /these / /dirty / /perverts / /faggotry / /is / /not / /optional / /but / /a / /way / /of / /lifeMore / /evidence / /is / /in / /the / /fact / /that / /Linux / /users / /say / /how / /much / /they / /love / /man / /even / /going / /so / /far / /as / /to / /say / /that / /all / /new / /Linux / /users / /who / /are / /in / /fact / /just / /innocent / /heterosexuals / /indoctrinated / /by / /the / /gay / /propaganda / /should / /try / /out / /man / /In / /no / /other / /system / /do / /users / /boast / /of / /their / /frequent / /recourse / /to / /a / /manOther / /areas / /of / /the / /system / /also / /show / /Linuxs / /inherit / /gayness / /For / /example / /people / /are / /often / /told / /of / /the / /FAQ / /but / /how / /many / /innocent / /heterosexual / /Windows / /users / /know / /what / /this / /actually / /means / /The / /answer / /is / /shocking / /Faggot / /Anal / /Quest / /the / /voyage / /of / /discovery / /for / /newly / /converted / /fagsEven / /the / /title / /Slashdot / /originally / /referred / /to / /a / /homosexual / /practice / /Slashdot / /of / /course / /refers / /to / /the / /popular / /gay / /practice / /of / /bloodletting / /The / /Slashbots / /of / /course / /are / /those / /superzealous / /homosexuals / /who / /take / /this / /perversion / /to / /its / /extreme / /by / /ripping / /open / /their / /anuses / /as / /seen / /on / /the / /site / /most / /popular / /with / /Slashdot / /users / /the / /depraved / /work / /of / /Satan / /httpwwwefforgThe / /editors / /of / /Slashdot / /also / /have / /homosexual / /names / /Hemos / /is / /obvious / /in / /itself / /being / /one / /vowel / /away / /from / /Homos / /But / /even / /more / /sickening / /is / /Commander / /Taco / /which / /sounds / /a / /bit / /like / /Commode / /in / /Taco / /filthy / /gay / /slang / /for / /a / /pair / /of / /spreadeagled / /buttocks / /that / /are / /caked / /with / /excrement / /The / /best / /form / /of / /lubrication / /they / /insist / /Sometimes / /these / /Taco / /Commodes / /have / /special / /Salsa / /Sauce / /blood / /from / /a / /ruptured / /rectum / /and / /Cheese / /rancid / /flakes / /of / /penis / /discharge / /toppings / /And / /to / /make / /it / /even / /worse / /Slashdot / /runs / /on / /Apache / /The / /Apache / /server / /whose / /use / /among / /fags / /is / /as / /prevalent / /as / /AIDS / /is / /named / /after / /homosexual / /activity / /as / /everyone / /knows / /popular / /faggot / /band / /the / /Village / /People / /featured / /an / /Apache / /Indian / /and / /it / /is / /for / /him / /that / /this / /gay / /program / /is / /namedAnd / /thats / /not / /forgetting / /the / /use / /of / /patches / /in / /the / /Linux / /fag / /world / /patches / /are / /used / /to / /make / /the / /anus / /accessible / /for / /repeated / /anal / /sex / /even / /after / /its / /rupture / /by / /a / /session / /of / /fistingTo / /summarise / /Linux / /is / /gay / /Slash / /Dot / /is / /the / /graphical / /description / /of / /the / /space / /between / /a / /young / /boys / /scrotum / /and / /anus / /And / /BeOS / /is / /for / /hermaphrodites / /and / /disabled / /stumpers / /FEEDBACK / /What / /worries / /me / /is / /how / /much / /you / /know / /about / /what / /gay / /people / /do / /Im / /scared / /I / /actually / /read / /this / /whole / /thing / /I / /think / /this / /post / /is / /a / /good / /example / /of / /the / /negative / /effects / /of / /Internet / /usage / /on / /people / /This / /person / /obviously / /has / /no / /social / /life / /anymore / /and / /had / /to / /result / /to / /writing / /something / /as / /stupid / /as / /this / /And / /actually / /take / /the / /time / /to / /do / /it / /too / /Although / /I / /think / /it / /was / /satire / /blah / /its / /early / /Anonymous / /Coward / /SlashdotWell / /the / /only / /reason / /I / /know / /all / /about / /this / /is / /because / /I / /had / /the / /misfortune / /to / /read / /the / /Linux / /Sauce / /code / /once / /Although / /publicised / /as / /the / /computer / /code / /needed / /to / /get / /Linux / /up / /and / /running / /on / /a / /computer / /and / /havent / /you / /always / /been / /worried / /about / /the / /phrase / /Monolithic / /Kernel / /this / /foul / /document / /is / /actually / /a / /detailed / /and / /graphic / /description / /of / /every / /conceivable / /degrading / /perversion / /known / /to / /the / /human / /race / /as / /well / /as / /a / /few / /of / /the / /major / /animal / /species / /It / /has / /shocked / /and / /disturbed / /me / /to / /the / /point / /of / /needing / /to / /shock / /and / /disturb / /the / /common / /man / /to / /warn / /them / /of / /the / /impending / /homocalypse / /which / /threatens / /to / /engulf / /our / /planet / /You / /must / /work / /for / /the / /government / /Trying / /to / /post / /the / /most / /obscene / /stuff / /in / /hopes / /that / /slashdot / /wont / /be / /able / /to / /continue / /or / /something / /due / /to / /legal / /woes / /If / /i / /ever / /see / /your / /ugly / /face / /im / /going / /to / /stick / /my / /fireplace / /poker / /up / /your / /ass / /after / /its / /nice / /and / /hot / /to / /weld / /shut / /that / /nasty / /gaping / /hole / /of / /yours / /Anonymous / /Coward / /SlashdotDoesnt / /it / /give / /you / /a / /hardon / /to / /imagine / /your / /thick / /strong / /poker / /ramming / /its / /way / /up / /my / /most / /sacred / /of / /sphincters / /Youre / /beyond / /help / /my / /friend / /as / /the / /only / /thing / /you / /can / /imagine / /is / /the / /foul / /penetrative / /violation / /of / /another / /man / /Are / /you / /sure / /youre / /not / /Eric / /Raymond / /The / /government / /being / /populated / /by / /limpwristed / /liberals / /could / /never / /stem / /the / /sickening / /tide / /of / /homosexual / /child / /molesting / /Linux / /advocacy / /Hell / /theyve / /given / /NAMBLA / /free / /reign / /for / /years / /you / /really / /should / /post / /this / /logged / /in / /i / /wish / /i / /could / /remember / /jebuss / /password / /cuz / /id / /give / /it / /to / /you / /mighty / /jebus / /SlashdotThank / /you / /for / /your / /kind / /words / /of / /support / /However / /this / /document / /shall / /only / /ever / /be / /posted / /anonymously / /This / /is / /because / /the / /Open / /Sauce / /movement / /is / /a / /sham / /proposing / /homoerotic / /cults / /of / /hero / /worshipping / /in / /the / /name / /of / /freedom / /I / /speak / /for / /the / /common / /man / /For / /any / /man / /who / /prefers / /the / /warm / /enveloping / /velvet / /folds / /of / /a / /womans / /vagina / /to / /the / /tight / /puckered / /ringpiece / /of / /a / /child / /These / /men / /being / /common / /decent / /folk / /dont / /have / /a / /say / /in / /the / /political / /hypocrisy / /that / /is / /Slashdot / /culture / /I / /am / /the / /unknown / /liberator / /ROLF / /LAMO / /i / /hate / /linux / /FAGGOTS / /Anonymous / /Coward / /SlashdotWe / /shouldnt / /hate / /them / /we / /should / /pity / /them / /for / /the / /misguided / /fools / /they / /are / /Fanatical / /Linux / /zealouts / /need / /to / /be / /herded / /into / /camps / /for / /reeducation / /and / /subsequent / /rehabilitation / /into / /normal / /heterosexual / /society / /This / /reeducation / /shall / /be / /achieved / /by / /forcing / /them / /to / /watch / /repeats / /of / /Baywatch / /until / /the / /very / /mention / /of / /Pamela / /Anderson / /causes / /them / /to / /fill / /their / /pants / /with / /healthy / /heterosexual / /jism / /Actually / 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Ladies and gentleman put our hands together for the largest ass on the InternetG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEWelcome ladies and gentlemen to the 8th wonder of the worldThe ass of the century oh its timeless GOATSEThanks for clicking that linkYou coulda been anywhere on the webBut youre here with meI appreciate thatG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEReading drivel on that press release bout VA LinuxWas wondern why they changed their namesDumped that dirt cheap stock through with themIf I worked there Id quit no way Id work for themWasnt born a coder I just make fun of emG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEPorno for freezy keeps my hard drive so sleasyCant leave Everquest alone the game needs meHex editing my name into VB progs it aint easySlashdot wanna IP block me I hang up and dial back inAnd somehow I beat the lameness filter like RockyG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzENot guilty he who mods me down is not real to meTherefore he doesnt existSo poof vamoose son of a bitchChorusG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEReading drivel on that press release bout VA LinuxG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEThats the anthem getcha damn hands upG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzENot guilty yall gotta feel meG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEThats the anthem getcha damn hands UPHolla at meI do this for the postersTo let em know what enlarged ass look like when they shoulda looked at that link closerShow em how to avoid a room full o taco snot coaxersGet some good trolls in before the storys overPosts with redirect goatse links even get modded upIm dissin JonKatz for those 15yearold boys he seems to have a crushPay for premium Slashdot You gotta be kidding usIf aint profitable pimp your boy whores for mo bucksChorusYeahGOATSE is back trollin parody of rapGo on click that link view the crater in that crackLike I told you sell boys noJonKatz does that so hopefully you wont have to go through thatI was raised on Windows point and clickif you dont like that you can suck my dickGot an X10 camera focused on my assWanna see the picture PayPal me some cashThreshold under 0 why I got it so lowSave good trolls on my disk watchin all the time for moreSo you know I seen it all beforeI seen redundant on karma whores when their link post was too late Crapfloods and mod downs the two things I hateA good troll modded up the two things is greatG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzEWhat else can I say about Slashdot itll turn a man gayChorusG to the izzO A to the izzT S to the izzE4x to fade outThe above has been brought to you by the fine folks of Frost Pist Brewery geocitiescom Frost Pist Beer Always ICE BREWED for a THICK head
What would Christmas be without Goatse Christmas tunesHave yourself a goatse little ChristmasEnlarge your ass all nightFrom now on your dildo will be out of sightNo Okay how about the 12 Days of GoatseOn the first day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mea direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the second day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwo Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the third day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to methree Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fourth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefour Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the fifth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mefive AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the sixth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to mesix Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the seventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meseven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eighth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the nineth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to menine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the tenth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the eleventh day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to meeleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx On the twelveth day of GoatseMy Slashdot gave to metwelve Warner Brothers redirects warnerbroscom eleven ZDNet redirects zdnetcom ten Yahoo redirects yahoocom nine Time Magazine redirects timecom eight Intel redirects intelcom seven Sony redirects sonymusiccom six Amazoncom redirects amazoncom five AOL redirects aolcom four Toms Hardware redirects tomshardwarecom three Microsoft redirects microsoftcom two Gocom redirects gocom and a direct link to Goatse goatsecx