We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you who hate pooping at work, I give you...The 2002 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVEN Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could s
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (FieldR eplacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
To re-order, specify one of the following:
P/N 33f8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33f8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
What follows the is a verbatim copy of a booklet printed fordistribution to prospective members of Masonry. It attempts to explain what Masonry is about and to address many of the popular myths.
It was published by the Most Worshipful Grand Lodge of Ancient Free and Accepted Masons of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in 1980 (so the numbers are somewhat dated).
FREEMASONRY--A WAY OF LIFE
The Fraternity of Ancient Free and Accepted Masons is the oldest, largest, amd most widely known fraternal organization in the world.
Literally thousands of books have been published about Freemasonry, but its organization and philosophy are still misunderstood by many.
This folder therefore has been prepared to present correct information for everyone and thereby dispel incorrect beliefs.
HISTORICAL SKETCH
In a broad sense, the history of Freemasonry may be divided into three periods, namely: the ancient or legendary, the medieval or operative, and the modern or speculative.
The ancient or legendary period has been traced by historians to the Tenth Century B.C. when masons, or stone workers, were employed in the building of King Solomon's Temple. During the medieval or operative period, guilds or associations of artisans were formed as operative masons. Their work was largely confined to the building of cathedrals. As artificers in stone, these masons traveled through Europe making use of their skill and secrets of their guilds.
The modern or speculative period occurred during the 17th Century. It was then that ecclesiastical building declined. This caused many guilds of stonemasons, then known as "Operative Masons" to accept as members those who were not a part of the mason's craft. These members were then called "Speculative," and acquired the designation of "Accepted Masons."
As a result of this significant development, Freemasonry, as it is known today, had its historic beginning.
In 1717 four Lodges of Freemasons meeting in London, England, formed the first Grand Lodge in the world. This Grand Lodge chartered Masonic Lodges and Provincial Grand Lodges in many countries, including the United States.
MASONRY IN MASSACHUSETTS
Regular and duly constituted Freemasonry in North America was born in Massachusetts in 1733. It was on July 30 of that year in Boston, that Henry Price organized the Provincial Grand Lodge of Massachusetts at the famous Bunch of Grapes Tavern. This followed the issuance of a deputation in April 1733 by the Mother Grand Lodge of England appointing Henry Price the "Provincial Grand Master of New England and Dominions and Territories thereunto belonging."
The Grand Lodge of Masons in Massachusetts is the administrative authority for the Masonic Lodges within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as well as Lodges located in the Canal Zone, Chile, China, Japan, and Caribbean Naval Base Guantanamo Bay, Cuba; with a embership of approximately 95,000.
MASONRY AROUND THE WORLD
There are approximately 6,000,000 Masons who are members of about 150 Grand Lodges in the world today. Of these, there are 49 Grand Lodges in the United States with a membership of about 4,000,000 Masons.
A MASONIC LODGE
The basic unit of all Grand Lodges is the Masonic Lodge, commonly referred to by its members as the "Blue Lodge." This is where Masonry operates on a local level under the Jurisdiction of its Grand Lodge. It is here that the Masonic Lodge receives and acts on petitions for membership in Freemasonry, and confers the three Symbolic Degrees known as the Entered Apprentice, Fellow Craft, and Master Mason Degrees.
MEMBERSHIP
Membership in Freemasonry is limited to adult males without regardto race, color, or creed, who are of good character and reputation.
Personally, I wonder about the Elks Clubs. Just what does B.P.O.E. stand for anyway? Just what are they *really* up to?
In many small towns and even large cities, the Elks include prominent members of the community. They get together, sometimes make business deals and plan political actions. They are the equivalent of the Masons in England which includes a large part of the "establishment" in its membership.
The result is a "conspiracy" of sorts, but in communities where no formal club exists, groups of "power players" get together at certain eating spots or spas or whatever else is "in". Typically the coalitionsformed are loose, disturbed by conflicting interests and in many cases the time spent cultivating such "contacts" can be better spent elsewhere. However in not a few cases, collectives of the (relatively) powerful result in unsavory behavior including outright corruption.
The problem is that no specific organization is really the cause. Such organizations simply act to bring people together. If the organization is disrupted, then a new one will form. For example in the Italy of the seventies, national corruption was clustered in a pseudo Masonic organization known as Propaganda 2. When this was exposed, the games moved elsewhere and the recent scandals have shown.
One thing that the powerful know (and this is no secret, Ben Franklin wrote about it) is that places and organizations which encourage people to meet are an important tool (often benign). Such groupings will always exist and cultures (eg. Jewish, Chinese) which encourage them will often have advantages in business. More recently, the American rightwing has used churches for such purposes.
Those who feel left out by the system should remember the pragmatic reality that they have to build their own system. This often requires a substantial investment in time and money. One reason that the American "left" is so weak as a grassroots organization is that relatively few of those who wanted an "alternative culture" were willing to go through the sacrifice. They hoped things would somehow happen spontaneously.
Every organization is a potential powerbase. And evryone is suspect (at least within local conditions) because power can be abused. But a great deal of positive accomplishment is also associated with such groupings because "they can get things done" (be it cleaning a local park or gathering votes for their favorite canidate).
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
Enhancing PC Disk Performance Bruce Schafer Multisoft Corporation May 22, 1986
Introduction From the beginning, the main benefit of personal computers has been increased productivity. Just as we become familiar with the advantages of personal computers we begin to notice that we spend an increasing amount of time waiting for the computer to finish its task. This is partly due to the natural human tendency to always want more. But, there is a more objective reason as well. Usually, when we begin an activity on a computer, we begin small -- a small document, a small spreadsheet, a small database, or a few weeks of accounting information. Inevitably the data grows, resulting in slower responses from the computer, especially when disk access is involved.
This article discusses a way of improving the speed of personal computers using a software technique called disk caching. Put simply, a disk cache is a collection of copies of recently used disk sectors. By keeping a copy of recently used disk sectors in extra RAM memory, a disk cache can reduce the number of times the application actually accesses the disk. This, in turn, can dramatically speed up the performance of the application.
History
In the early days of computing, memory was a very expensive resource. Large rooms were filled with many hundreds of thousands of dollars of memory, and still there never seemed to be enough. Much research money went into developing the concept of virtual memory. (See "Virtual Memory" by Peter J. Denning in Computing Surveys, September 1970). Much of this research amounted to answering the question, "How can I get my programs to think I have more memory than I actually do without losing to much in performance?" Much of this research into minimizing the loss of performance in creating virtual memory applies equally well to increasing the performance of disk transfers.
Since the time large virtual memory systems were developed, the price of memory has dropped dramatically. Just in the short time since the IBM PC was introduced, we have seen memory boards go from 64K bytes per board to 256K/384K, and more recently to 2048K. The price of these boards at the time they were introduced was about the same in each case. In short, the price of personal computer memory has dropped by at least 10-to-1 in four years. This dramatic drop in the cost of memory provides an opportunity to use memory in ways that would have previously been too expensive. In particular, RAM memory can be used to create a disk cache that dramatically improves the performance of applications which access disk storage.
Related Technologies
You might ask why isn't disk caching built into MSDOS? In fact, we might anticipate that it will be added in some future version of DOS. At the time DOS was originally designed, however, it was clearly out of the question. Memory was still too expensive to seriously consider it. On the other hand, DOS did provide for a related technique, namely buffering. Starting with Version 2.0, DOS even gave the user the option of specifying the number of buffers to be used for disk access. (If you are not familiar with this command, look up the BUFFERS command in your DOS manual.) While buffering provides some performance improvement, it falls far short of what can be accomplished by a disk cache.
Another technology related to disk caching is called RAM disk. The idea of RAM disk is similar in that it takes advantage of extra memory to increase disk performance. The major difference is that a RAM disk creates a completely separate virtual disk. A typical use of a RAM disk involves copying frequently used programs to the RAM disk at the beginning of a session. Later, when it is time to run one of these programs, they are loaded from the RAM disk rather than the conventional disk. As a result, they begin executing in a fraction of the normal time. As you can see, this approach is particularly beneficial when the same progra
Court overturns Texas sodomy law
Justices say it violates Constitutionâ(TM)s equal protection clause
In a major victory for gay rights advocates, the U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday struck down a Texas statute that bans gay couples â" but not heterosexuals â" from engaging in sodomy, ruling that the law was an unconstitutional violation of privacy.
Similar laws outlawing sodomy â" defined as oral or anal intercourse â" are on the books in Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri.
THE 6-3 RULING reverses course from a ruling 17 years ago that states could punish homosexuals for what such laws historically called deviant sex.
The case is a major re-examination of the rights and acceptance of gay people in the United States. More broadly, it also tests a stateâ(TM)s ability to makes crimes of what goes on behind the closed bedroom doors of consenting adults.
Thursdayâ(TM)s ruling invalidated a Texas law against âoedeviate sexual intercourse with another individual of the same sex.â
The law âoedemeans the lives of homosexual persons,â Justice Anthony M. Kennedy wrote for the majority.
Justices John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer agreed with Kennedy in full. Justice Sandra Day Oâ(TM)Connor agreed with the outcome of the case but not all of Kennedyâ(TM)s rationale. She indicated that the law should have been overturned on grounds that it violates the Constitutionâ(TM)s equal protection clause.
Laws forbidding homosexual sex, once universal, now are rare.
SIMILAR LAWS ALSO INVALIDATED
Similar laws outlawing sodomy â" defined as oral or anal intercourse â" are on the books in Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri. Nine other states have banned sodomy for both heterosexuals and homosexuals.
It was not immediately clear whether Thursdayâ(TM)s ruling invalidates those laws as well.
Those on the books are rarely enforced but underpin other kinds of discrimination, lawyers for two Texas men had argued to the court.
The men âoeare entitled to respect for their private lives,â Kennedy wrote.
âoeThe state cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime,â he said.
Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist and Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas dissented.
Scalia, who wrote the dissenting opinion, took the unusual step of reading his dissent from the bench.
DISSENT CITES âCULTURE WARâ(TM)
âoeThe court has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda,â he said. âoeThe court has taken sides in the culture war.â
Scalia added that he has âoenothing against homosexuals.â
The two men at the heart of the case, John Geddes Lawrence and Tyron Garner, have retreated from public view. They were each fined $200 and spent a night in jail for the misdemeanor sex charge in 1998.
The case began when a neighbor with a grudge faked a distress call to police, telling them that a man was âoegoing crazyâ in Lawrenceâ(TM)s apartment. Police went to the apartment, pushed open the door and found the two men having anal sex.
As recently as 1960, every state had an anti-sodomy law. In 37 states, the statutes have been repealed by lawmakers or blocked by state courts.
The Supreme Court was widely criticized 17 years ago when it upheld an antisodomy law similar to Texasâ(TM). The ruling became a touchstone for gay activists.
MANY URGED REVERSAL
A long list of legal and medical groups joined gay rights and human rights supporters in backing the Texas men. Many friend-of-the-court briefs argued that times have changed since 1986, and that the court should catch up.
I wish they would do something like that here in East L.A. The traffic is simply awful, I'd pay some serious $ to get a relatively traffic-free drive to and from work.......
I was at the market this morning, shopping for midgets. I like buying midgets because theyâ(TM)re so cheap. At the market you pay by the inch, so a three-foot midget is half the price of a six-foot person. When all theyâ(TM)re doing is housework and cleaning, you donâ(TM)t need the extra three feet. The dealers give me a discount because nobody else wants midgets, and when I buy in bulk they shave a few percent off the top. Itâ(TM)s a good deal.
Now, midgets are not quite as good at some things as regular-height people. Sooner or later, your midget workforce will encounter a job meant for taller men. With a little creative thinking, though, you can maximize your midget potential. Field work seems impossible, until you give them bigger scythes to reach the tall vegetables. Scrubbing the roof? Forget about it... unless you install midget trampolines to let them reach the roof. Getting back down I havenâ(TM)t figured out yet, but thatâ(TM)s OK because midgets are cheap. Playing basketball is tricky. Stacking midgets solves this nicely though: a two-midget high tower can compete with anyone, and a three-midget version, with the right well-balanced midgets, can be a nine-foot-tall rebounding force on the court.
All of this was in the back of my mind as I haggled with the midget dealer. We eventually settled on forty dollars for ten midgets, with two thrown in free if I paid cash. How could I say no to a deal like that? So I paid my money and headed for the car, an even dozen midgets waddling comically after me. With two more midgets than Iâ(TM)d been anticipating, maybe tonight would be midget-boxing night. Or maybe midget-baiting. Or maybe even both; the night was young, and I was ready for excitement.
Homosexual Priests: A Time for Truth
Exclusive commentary by Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson
President BOND
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the
silence of our friends. --Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The purpose of the press is to let the truth be known to the people.
But having seen report after report of the sex scandal in the Catholic
Church, I am sorry to say that yet again the media is failing us by
refusing to tell us that the primary problem within the church is an
epidemic of homosexual priests. We know that most victims of these
crimes are young boys, and the perpetrators are grown menâ"why is it so
hard to say that this epidemic is a direct result of homosexuals being
given authority that they should not have?
We've heard for some time now about priests who are openly homosexual,
but apparently few within the Church seemed to see a need to resolve
this issue. It's even more troubling, then, that the media is so
unwilling to report something that has long been known. Of course we
know that the media is basically liberal, and has the intent of
promoting a biased agenda. But you'd think that at least some would
have the good sense to report honestly when the physical and
psychological safety of so many children are at stake.
If the media, the most far-reaching informational source, refuse to
accurately report this predominantly homosexual scandal, then the
truth is being concealed and this problem may never be resolved. If
something isn't done, homosexuals will continue to gain authority over
our children and country, and the effects will be disastrous.
Paul Shanley shaking hands with Archbishop Bernard Law
Homosexuality is an aberration of sexual normalcy and causes an
out-of-control sexual appetiteâ"those who cannot control themselves
should not be watching over our children. Take the Boy Scouts for
example. How can a Scoutmaster be entrusted as the sole, unchecked
supervisor to care for your kids out in the woods, far away from
authority, if he is not sexually restrained?
The same goes for the public schools, such as Fairfax High School here
in Los Angeles, which many years back adopted a program called
"Project 10", which encouraged kids to live as homosexuals openly and
freely. The indoctrination of young, innocent minds by homosexual
teachers goes against a child's conscience and innocence and is
contrary to the teachings of most parents.
The homosexual movement has a history of trying to claw its way into
places its agenda doesn't belong, not for the betterment of mankind,
but simply to legitimize and normalize perverse behavior. This is
apparent in the all-too-common need of homosexuals to declare their
sexuality rather than simply do the job they sign on to do.
This is extremely detrimentalâ"first, it creates conflict with others
as most believe homosexuality to be wrong, and it shows that the full
efforts of the employed homosexual are not going towards performing
the task at hand but largely to declaring their lifestyle. When it
comes to serious concerns such as the Church, schools, and the Boy
Scouts that involve our children, we can't take the risk of giving
them this power to destroy the values we as parents try to instill,
nor can we put our country's welfare at stake by turning these pivotal
foundational institutions and our military into homosexual social
experiments.
The homosexual movement is marked by two major tendencies: the
tendency to continually infiltrate all good aspects of society; and
once they have achieved that, the tendency to destroy this good.
Public education, the Boy Scouts, the military, and now the Catholic
Church have been targeted, and all have been hurt by the effects of
homosexuality. The media and the Church must break its silence towards
this enemy. If they do not, the people themselves must rise up and
expose it, or the Catholic Church will fall and our society too will
fall. And as Dr. King noted, when the end has come and our society has
been destroyed, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the
silence of our friends
Slashdot Mirror
I'm homeless (currently living out of my Mercedes) and I find this whole thread offensive.
CmdrTaco, please delete this story. Thank you.
Has anybody else notice that the K5 database server keeps taking huge dumps? What in the world is going on?
A Guide to Office Bathroom Ettiquette
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you who hate pooping at work, I give you...The 2002 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could s
You my sir, are a racist! But it is quite funny.....
I am Da BOMB! Hail to the CLIT.
That, my sir, was a brilliant Troll. Have you thought about joining the CLIT?
Ding! Ding! Ding! You have won the Troll of the Day award! Have you considered joining CLIT?
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (FieldR eplacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items. To re-order, specify one of the following: P/N 33f8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls P/N 33f8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
I also eat Raman for dinner. Mixed with a low-fat Yogurt or granola it's delicious!
You can get health insurance through Trollcore. That way you can be assured the needs of yourself and you family are well taken cared of!
< FROM THIS DISEASED MOUTH SPREADS THE WORD OF TROLLKORE. AWRY BE THE WORDS AND OPINIONS OF THOSE WHO POST HERE. TAKE NO HEED OF THEM. >
I entered my t-shirt design several weeks ago. It was something like: /. = P.O.S.
I think I'm going to win.
The Last Bug
"No program is perfect,"
they said with a shrug.
"The client is happy,
What's one little bug?"
But he was determined
as others went home,
to dig out the flowchart
and go it alone.
The night became morning,
the room became cluttered,
with memory dumps,
"I'm close now", he muttered.
Chain-smoking, cold coffee,
with logic, deduction,
"I've got it!" he cried,
"Just change this instruction!"
Then change two, then change more,
as day followed night.
There was a solution,
he would get it right!
It still wasn't perfect,
as year followed year,
and strangers would comment,
"Is that guy still here?"
He died at the console,
of hunger and thirst.
Next day he was buried,
Face down, Nine edge first.
His wife, through her tears,
accepted his fate.
"He's not really gone,
he's just working late."
And the last bug in sight,
an ant passing by,
saluted his tombstone,
and whispered, "Nice try."
But what about those of us who don't know english, you insensitive clod!!!!
What follows the is a verbatim copy of a booklet printed fordistribution to prospective members of Masonry. It attempts to explain what Masonry is about and to address many of the popular
myths.
It was published by the Most Worshipful Grand Lodge of Ancient Free and Accepted Masons of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in 1980 (so
the numbers are somewhat dated).
FREEMASONRY--A WAY OF LIFE
The Fraternity of Ancient Free and Accepted Masons is the oldest, largest, amd most widely known fraternal organization in the world.
Literally thousands of books have been published about Freemasonry, but its organization and philosophy are still misunderstood by many.
This folder therefore has been prepared to present correct information for everyone and thereby dispel incorrect beliefs.
HISTORICAL SKETCH
In a broad sense, the history of Freemasonry may be divided into three periods, namely: the ancient or legendary, the medieval or
operative, and the modern or speculative.
The ancient or legendary period has been traced by historians to the Tenth Century B.C. when masons, or stone workers, were employed in the building of King Solomon's Temple. During the medieval or operative period, guilds or associations of artisans were formed as operative masons. Their work was largely confined to the building of cathedrals. As artificers in stone, these masons traveled through Europe making use of their skill and secrets of their guilds.
The modern or speculative period occurred during the 17th Century. It was then that ecclesiastical building declined. This caused many guilds of stonemasons, then known as "Operative Masons" to accept as members those who were not a part of the mason's craft. These members were then called "Speculative," and acquired the designation
of "Accepted Masons."
As a result of this significant development, Freemasonry, as it is known today, had its historic beginning.
In 1717 four Lodges of Freemasons meeting in London, England, formed the first Grand Lodge in the world. This Grand Lodge chartered
Masonic Lodges and Provincial Grand Lodges in many countries, including the United States.
MASONRY IN MASSACHUSETTS
Regular and duly constituted Freemasonry in North America was born in Massachusetts in 1733. It was on July 30 of that year in Boston, that Henry Price organized the Provincial Grand Lodge of Massachusetts at the famous Bunch of Grapes Tavern. This followed the issuance of a deputation in April 1733 by the Mother Grand Lodge
of England appointing Henry Price the "Provincial Grand Master of New England and Dominions and Territories thereunto belonging."
The Grand Lodge of Masons in Massachusetts is the administrative authority for the Masonic Lodges within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as well as Lodges located in the Canal Zone, Chile, China, Japan, and Caribbean Naval Base Guantanamo Bay, Cuba; with a embership of approximately 95,000.
MASONRY AROUND THE WORLD
There are approximately 6,000,000 Masons who are members of about 150 Grand Lodges in the world today. Of these, there are 49 Grand Lodges in the United States with a membership of about 4,000,000 Masons.
A MASONIC LODGE
The basic unit of all Grand Lodges is the Masonic Lodge, commonly referred to by its members as the "Blue Lodge." This is where
Masonry operates on a local level under the Jurisdiction of its Grand Lodge. It is here that the Masonic Lodge receives and acts on petitions for membership in Freemasonry, and confers the three Symbolic Degrees known as the Entered Apprentice, Fellow Craft, and Master Mason Degrees.
MEMBERSHIP
Membership in Freemasonry is limited to adult males without regardto race, color, or creed, who are of good character and reputation.
Information concerning membership must be
Personally, I wonder about the Elks Clubs. Just what does B.P.O.E. stand for anyway? Just what are they *really* up to?
In many small towns and even large cities, the Elks include prominent members of the community. They get together, sometimes make business deals and plan political actions. They are the equivalent of the Masons in England which includes a large part of the "establishment" in its membership.
The result is a "conspiracy" of sorts, but in communities where no formal club exists, groups of "power players" get together at certain eating spots or spas or whatever else is "in". Typically the coalitionsformed are loose, disturbed by conflicting interests and in many cases the time spent cultivating such "contacts" can be better spent elsewhere.
However in not a few cases, collectives of the (relatively) powerful result in unsavory behavior including outright corruption.
The problem is that no specific organization is really the cause. Such organizations simply act to bring people together. If the organization is disrupted, then a new one will form. For example in the Italy of the seventies, national corruption was clustered in a pseudo Masonic organization known as Propaganda 2. When this was exposed, the games moved elsewhere and the recent scandals have shown.
One thing that the powerful know (and this is no secret, Ben Franklin wrote about it) is that places and organizations which encourage people
to meet are an important tool (often benign). Such groupings will always exist and cultures (eg. Jewish, Chinese) which encourage them will often have advantages in business. More recently, the American rightwing has used churches for such purposes.
Those who feel left out by the system should remember the pragmatic reality that they have to build their own system. This often requires
a substantial investment in time and money. One reason that the American "left" is so weak as a grassroots organization is that relatively few of those who wanted an "alternative culture" were
willing to go through the sacrifice. They hoped things would somehow happen spontaneously.
Every organization is a potential powerbase. And evryone is suspect (at least within local conditions) because power can be abused. But
a great deal of positive accomplishment is also associated with such groupings because "they can get things done" (be it cleaning a local park or gathering votes for their favorite canidate).
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ
depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static
sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing
these necessary items.
To re-order, specify one of the following:
P/N 33f8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33f8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
+1 mod the Parent! .-" "-. /
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Enhancing PC Disk Performance
Bruce Schafer
Multisoft Corporation
May 22, 1986
Introduction
From the beginning, the main benefit of personal computers has been increased productivity. Just as we become familiar with the advantages of personal computers we begin to notice that we spend an increasing amount of time waiting for the
computer to finish its task. This is partly due to the natural human tendency to always want more. But, there is a more objective reason as well. Usually, when we begin an activity on a computer, we begin small -- a small document, a small spreadsheet, a small database, or a few weeks of
accounting information. Inevitably the data grows, resulting in slower responses from the computer, especially when disk access is involved.
This article discusses a way of improving the speed of personal computers using a software technique called disk caching. Put simply, a disk cache is a collection of copies of recently used disk sectors. By keeping a copy of recently
used disk sectors in extra RAM memory, a disk cache can reduce the number of times the application actually accesses the disk. This, in turn, can dramatically speed up the
performance of the application.
History
In the early days of computing, memory was a very expensive resource. Large rooms were filled with many hundreds of thousands of dollars of memory, and still there never seemed to be enough. Much research money went into developing the concept of virtual memory. (See "Virtual Memory" by Peter J.
Denning in Computing Surveys, September 1970). Much of this research amounted to answering the question, "How can I get my programs to think I have more memory than I actually do without losing to much in performance?" Much of this research into minimizing the loss of performance in creating virtual memory applies equally well to increasing the performance of disk transfers.
Since the time large virtual memory systems were developed, the price of memory has dropped dramatically. Just in the short time since the IBM PC was introduced, we have seen memory boards go from 64K bytes per board to 256K/384K, and
more recently to 2048K. The price of these boards at the time they were introduced was about the same in each case. In short, the price of personal computer memory has dropped by at least 10-to-1 in four years. This dramatic drop in the
cost of memory provides an opportunity to use memory in ways that would have previously been too expensive. In particular, RAM memory can be used to create a disk cache that dramatically improves the performance of applications which access disk storage.
Related Technologies
You might ask why isn't disk caching built into MSDOS? In fact, we might anticipate that it will be added in some future version of DOS. At the time DOS was originally designed, however, it was clearly out of the question. Memory was still too expensive to seriously consider it. On the
other hand, DOS did provide for a related technique, namely buffering. Starting with Version 2.0, DOS even gave the user the option of specifying the number of buffers to be used for
disk access. (If you are not familiar with this command, look up the BUFFERS command in your DOS manual.) While buffering provides some performance improvement, it falls far short of what can be accomplished by a disk cache.
Another technology related to disk caching is called RAM disk. The idea of RAM disk is similar in that it takes advantage of extra memory to increase disk performance. The major difference is that a RAM disk creates a completely separate virtual disk. A typical use of a RAM disk involves
copying frequently used programs to the RAM disk at the beginning of a session. Later, when it is time to run one of these programs, they are loaded from the RAM disk rather than the conventional disk. As a result, they begin executing in
a fraction of the normal time. As you can see, this approach is particularly beneficial when the same progra
I this game going to be better than Dark Forces or Racer? These two are about my favorite SW games of all time!
Bueller? Bueller? Ferris Bueller?
Court overturns Texas sodomy law Justices say it violates Constitutionâ(TM)s equal protection clause
In a major victory for gay rights advocates, the U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday struck down a Texas statute that bans gay couples â" but not heterosexuals â" from engaging in sodomy, ruling that the law was an unconstitutional violation of privacy.
Similar laws outlawing sodomy â" defined as oral or anal intercourse â" are on the books in Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri.
THE 6-3 RULING reverses course from a ruling 17 years ago that states could punish homosexuals for what such laws historically called deviant sex.
The case is a major re-examination of the rights and acceptance of gay people in the United States. More broadly, it also tests a stateâ(TM)s ability to makes crimes of what goes on behind the closed bedroom doors of consenting adults.
Thursdayâ(TM)s ruling invalidated a Texas law against âoedeviate sexual intercourse with another individual of the same sex.â
The law âoedemeans the lives of homosexual persons,â Justice Anthony M. Kennedy wrote for the majority.
Justices John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer agreed with Kennedy in full. Justice Sandra Day Oâ(TM)Connor agreed with the outcome of the case but not all of Kennedyâ(TM)s rationale. She indicated that the law should have been overturned on grounds that it violates the Constitutionâ(TM)s equal protection clause.
Laws forbidding homosexual sex, once universal, now are rare.
SIMILAR LAWS ALSO INVALIDATED
Similar laws outlawing sodomy â" defined as oral or anal intercourse â" are on the books in Kansas, Oklahoma and Missouri. Nine other states have banned sodomy for both heterosexuals and homosexuals.
It was not immediately clear whether Thursdayâ(TM)s ruling invalidates those laws as well.
Those on the books are rarely enforced but underpin other kinds of discrimination, lawyers for two Texas men had argued to the court.
The men âoeare entitled to respect for their private lives,â Kennedy wrote.
âoeThe state cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime,â he said.
Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist and Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas dissented.
Scalia, who wrote the dissenting opinion, took the unusual step of reading his dissent from the bench.
DISSENT CITES âCULTURE WARâ(TM)
âoeThe court has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda,â he said. âoeThe court has taken sides in the culture war.â
Scalia added that he has âoenothing against homosexuals.â
The two men at the heart of the case, John Geddes Lawrence and Tyron Garner, have retreated from public view. They were each fined $200 and spent a night in jail for the misdemeanor sex charge in 1998.
The case began when a neighbor with a grudge faked a distress call to police, telling them that a man was âoegoing crazyâ in Lawrenceâ(TM)s apartment. Police went to the apartment, pushed open the door and found the two men having anal sex.
As recently as 1960, every state had an anti-sodomy law. In 37 states, the statutes have been repealed by lawmakers or blocked by state courts.
The Supreme Court was widely criticized 17 years ago when it upheld an antisodomy law similar to Texasâ(TM). The ruling became a touchstone for gay activists.
MANY URGED REVERSAL
A long list of legal and medical groups joined gay rights and human rights supporters in backing the Texas men. Many friend-of-the-court briefs argued that times have changed since 1986, and that the court should catch up.
I wish they would do something like that here in East L.A. The traffic is simply awful, I'd pay some serious $ to get a relatively traffic-free drive to and from work.......
I was at the market this morning, shopping for midgets. I like buying midgets because theyâ(TM)re so cheap. At the market you pay by the inch, so a three-foot midget is half the price of a six-foot person. When all theyâ(TM)re doing is housework and cleaning, you donâ(TM)t need the extra three feet. The dealers give me a discount because nobody else wants midgets, and when I buy in bulk they shave a few percent off the top. Itâ(TM)s a good deal.
Now, midgets are not quite as good at some things as regular-height people. Sooner or later, your midget workforce will encounter a job meant for taller men. With a little creative thinking, though, you can maximize your midget potential. Field work seems impossible, until you give them bigger scythes to reach the tall vegetables. Scrubbing the roof? Forget about it... unless you install midget trampolines to let them reach the roof. Getting back down I havenâ(TM)t figured out yet, but thatâ(TM)s OK because midgets are cheap. Playing basketball is tricky. Stacking midgets solves this nicely though: a two-midget high tower can compete with anyone, and a three-midget version, with the right well-balanced midgets, can be a nine-foot-tall rebounding force on the court.
All of this was in the back of my mind as I haggled with the midget dealer. We eventually settled on forty dollars for ten midgets, with two thrown in free if I paid cash. How could I say no to a deal like that? So I paid my money and headed for the car, an even dozen midgets waddling comically after me. With two more midgets than Iâ(TM)d been anticipating, maybe tonight would be midget-boxing night. Or maybe midget-baiting. Or maybe even both; the night was young, and I was ready for excitement.
The hottest, densest matter ever observed was the disgusting cable laid by CmdrTaco during his weekly dump!
Homosexual Priests: A Time for Truth
Exclusive commentary by Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson
President BOND
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. --Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The purpose of the press is to let the truth be known to the people. But having seen report after report of the sex scandal in the Catholic Church, I am sorry to say that yet again the media is failing us by refusing to tell us that the primary problem within the church is an epidemic of homosexual priests. We know that most victims of these crimes are young boys, and the perpetrators are grown menâ"why is it so hard to say that this epidemic is a direct result of homosexuals being given authority that they should not have? We've heard for some time now about priests who are openly homosexual, but apparently few within the Church seemed to see a need to resolve this issue. It's even more troubling, then, that the media is so unwilling to report something that has long been known. Of course we know that the media is basically liberal, and has the intent of promoting a biased agenda. But you'd think that at least some would have the good sense to report honestly when the physical and psychological safety of so many children are at stake. If the media, the most far-reaching informational source, refuse to accurately report this predominantly homosexual scandal, then the truth is being concealed and this problem may never be resolved. If something isn't done, homosexuals will continue to gain authority over our children and country, and the effects will be disastrous. Paul Shanley shaking hands with Archbishop Bernard Law Homosexuality is an aberration of sexual normalcy and causes an out-of-control sexual appetiteâ"those who cannot control themselves should not be watching over our children. Take the Boy Scouts for example. How can a Scoutmaster be entrusted as the sole, unchecked supervisor to care for your kids out in the woods, far away from authority, if he is not sexually restrained? The same goes for the public schools, such as Fairfax High School here in Los Angeles, which many years back adopted a program called "Project 10", which encouraged kids to live as homosexuals openly and freely. The indoctrination of young, innocent minds by homosexual teachers goes against a child's conscience and innocence and is contrary to the teachings of most parents. The homosexual movement has a history of trying to claw its way into places its agenda doesn't belong, not for the betterment of mankind, but simply to legitimize and normalize perverse behavior. This is apparent in the all-too-common need of homosexuals to declare their sexuality rather than simply do the job they sign on to do. This is extremely detrimentalâ"first, it creates conflict with others as most believe homosexuality to be wrong, and it shows that the full efforts of the employed homosexual are not going towards performing the task at hand but largely to declaring their lifestyle. When it comes to serious concerns such as the Church, schools, and the Boy Scouts that involve our children, we can't take the risk of giving them this power to destroy the values we as parents try to instill, nor can we put our country's welfare at stake by turning these pivotal foundational institutions and our military into homosexual social experiments. The homosexual movement is marked by two major tendencies: the tendency to continually infiltrate all good aspects of society; and once they have achieved that, the tendency to destroy this good. Public education, the Boy Scouts, the military, and now the Catholic Church have been targeted, and all have been hurt by the effects of homosexuality. The media and the Church must break its silence towards this enemy. If they do not, the people themselves must rise up and expose it, or the Catholic Church will fall and our society too will fall. And as Dr. King noted, when the end has come and our society has been destroyed, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends