> There is a HUGE shake up in the movie industry that is brewing, most of the real talent is about to take their toys and go play elsewhere.
And the first time one of those artistic little independent films catches on with the general public and makes $200 million dollars, just what do you think is going to happen?
Some little indie producer who would never, ever "sell out" is going to be sitting on a huuuuge pile of cash. And then the actors will say "what about us?" and the writer will say "'Scuse me? Over here?" and the director will say "Yo! Homeboy! That didn't direct itself, you know!" because all of those people are now players. And then, when that actor/director/writer gets a $10,000,000 bonus because he's now a marquee item, people will come to Slashdot and call him a mediocre sellout.
One drunken evening a year or so ago I absolutely lost my cool when I came home to a deluge of spam that was bigger than I had ever seen. After dutifully reporting each and every one of them to Spamcop I stumbled across one particular email that was sent by/for a business that was stupid enough to use their 800# in the body of the mail. My evil mind went to work, and after a few minutes of scripting in my head the following conversation (as far as I can remember it) ensued.
[ring ring]
Thank you for calling XXX, my name is Kathy, how can I help you? Me: (using the biggest, dumbest, drive-time DJ voice I can muster): KATHY! HOW ARE YOU?! You're lucky listener number 20 tonight! Are you feeling lucky? Are you?
K: Wha...? Who is th- DJ: Kathy! You listen to Brian and Bob in the mornings on Z-101, right? K: Umm... yeah! (Who's gonna get a call like that and say no, hm?) DJ: So here's the story Kathy - we got your name from some of your co-workers and entered it into our big contest drawing this month, and...
(uncomfortably long pause...)
K: And wha-? DJ: AND YOUR NAME CAME UP IN OUR 80'S ROCK TRIVIA CHALLENGE, KATHY! ARE YOU EXCITED?! K: Oh yeah, what are we-? DJ: Kathy? K: Yeah?
DJ: ARE YOU READY TO WIN $50,000 DOLLARS?!
(pause)
K: ARE YOU SERIOU-? DJ: We're ABSOLUTELY serious, Kathy! You are exactly ONE question away from winning FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!
(at this point, I knew I had her. I could hear her cup the phone with her hand and start yelling at what had to be an entire office full of people.)
DJ: Kathy? Are you ready? Get the men and women at work with you to help out!
K: Sure!
(she was hyperventilating at this point)
DJ: Kathy, here's what we want to know...
(another uncomfortable pause)
DJ: For fifty thousand dollars...
(yet another pause, during which I heard the sound of ten different computers firing up Google in anticipation...)
DJ: What one-hit-wonder from the mid-80's was notable for their lead singer's visible physical deformity?!
(sheer, dead silence for a moment that lasted forever)
K: What WHAT?
DJ: TEN SECONDS!!
(at this point, she freaked. she tried to cover the phone and missed, and as I loudly counted down from ten to one I heard an entire office simultaneously melt down. "One-hit WHAT?! DEFORMITY? WHAT THE...!?"
DJ: THREE! TWO!
K: OH MY G-!
DJ: ONE! OH, NO! You JUST missed it, Kathy! Fifty thousand dollars, and you JUST didn't get it. It's too bad, too - I gave you SUCH a hint!
K: You WHAT? Hint? WHAT TH-?
DJ: Oh, Kathy - I practically gave it to you. I told you to get some help from the women... and MEN AT WORK! It was Men at Work, and you must be feeling really stupid right now not remembering Colin Hay and that freaky wandering eyeball he has! Remember that eye? Of course you do! You must be feeling so stupid right now!
(at this point my roommate, who's been watching the entire affair in bugeyed amazement, chimes in with "So FUCKING stupid!!" loud enough for her to hear it. I nearly had an aneurysm...)
DJ: Yeah, that was Bob... he calls 'em like he sees 'em. How you feeling, Kathy?
(it's at this point that I'm pretty sure I earned myself a warm spot in Hell, because she sounded like she was about to be sick...)
K: Oh God, I was so c...
(and if I wasn't going to Hell yet...)
DJ: But don't forget, Kathy - there's only one other person on our mega prize list today, and if they miss the Trivia Challenge question too, the money is YOURS!!
K: Are you SERIOUS?!
DJ: I'm DEAD serious, Kathy! Before the day is out you just might have that money! But remember, you have to get to the phone within two rings - so stay close to the phone and answer with our slogan! "Brian and Bob rock me HARD!" Can you do it now?
He walked up to her and said "Hey, baby. I'm on TV and I'm Hung."
It was Spring Break, the lighting was dim and she'd already had six Screaming Slippery Blue Orgasms on the Beach - and before she knew what happened it was already over with. All she could do was say "Call me!" as he sauntered down the hotel hallway, warbling "She Bangs!" with all the vocal dexterity of an alley cat on acid.
> it's expression and protected under the first amendment?
Given that he lives in Brno, I really doubt that he has even once considered his first amendment rights. Perhaps you meant to say "protected under Article 17 of Division Two of the second chapter of the Charter of Fundamental Rights and Freedoms?"
Naah... too wordy. "First Amendment" it is!
Re:Until they farm harvesting out to zombies...
on
New Attacks on Spam
·
· Score: 2, Funny
All I know about zombies I learned from Half-Life.
Now give me a crowbar and Scott Richter's home address and I'll show you some damned harvesting work...
I'm not saying that you should, y'know, take advantage of your position or anything - but if a horrible accident should befall any of the guys there and you should just happen to have a PayPal account, I'm sure that a lot of the people here might...
No, no, forget I said anything. I was kidding.
Unless you really wanted to or something.
No, never mind.
Wait? You smoke? You ever maybe... drop one of them? Accidentally?
Forget it. I didn't mean that.
Hey, are you dumb? Like, dumb enough to smoke around a can of gasoline if one mysteriously appeared near their off...
DAMMIT!
Re:Anti-Spam Legislation Is Only Effective Solutio
on
Spammers' Upend DNS
·
· Score: 1
Bollocks. Find individual spammers and attach them, with a dagger, to a chicken. Then slip a note into the spammer's mailbox indicating where where the family can pick up the remains along with their last free meal.
"...boy, you can buy yourself one of them newfangledy calculatin' machines or you can sell a pig in a poke to a one-eyed man with a two-eyed mule. And if that don't set your pears to picklin' then I'm not worth a squirt of spit into an Alabama wind. Yep, that's what I'm sayin'."
Because murder isn't really an analog of hacking. Murder is usually a 1-time, spontaneous act of violence with little if any planning involved. It's more like breaking into an office and stealing the computer to get at the contents instead of hacking your way in via a network connection. I think a better comparison would be between hacking and *serial* killers, who traditionally put a lot more method into their madness because - like hackers - they want to keep coming back for more. And serial killers are quite frequently "hired" by the police afterwards when their methods and expertise are studied through profiling. A regular murderer doesn't get studied - just a jail sentence. A serial killer who's caught becomes a tool by which we catch the next one.
..."Name Three Fat Women In Entertainment" thread right here. Skill points will be deducted for all mentions of Delta Burke, Oprah, and Anna Nicole Smith. You have thirty seconds from the time you read the headline and pounced on the "reply" button.
> Similarly, Mr. Bond of Intel said his 20-year-old daughter recently discovered that her iPod Mini's battery lasts longer if she limits the use of the backlight on the L.C.D. screen.
> What are people supposed to cry and shout lame political cliches like the Oscars?
"I will not accept the 'Mountain Dew Most Extreme Radicalness With an Attitude In a Videogame' award until the oppressed peoples of Upper East Bangalushia are freed from the shackles of white, Western hegemony! Oppressed peoples of the world, throw off your shackles and press UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEF... MMFFT!"/tackled by security
>you're saying the actors that are getting paid millions are extremely talented individuals? That they're "good" actors?
Whether or not they're "talented" or "good" is something that's completely subjective and will differ wildly from person to person. But when an actor consistently draws a huge crowd and proves to be a marquee attraction, then that's something you can't argue - no matter how good you think their acting is. There are sublimely talented actors and actresses out there who *nobody* will pay to see in a movie, and there are mediocre talents who can pack theatres night after night - and that makes them worth cold, hard cash to have in your movie. It pisses off the artistic purists, but it's a simple fact of life. It's no different than the asshole at the party with the perfectly dimpled chin or the heartless shrew in the office who has the most perfect blue eyes you've ever seen - physical attractiveness has nothing to do with talent, morality, or anything else on God's little green earth. We go to the movies to escape, and some people are better at helping us to do that than others... and those people are handsomely rewarded.
Absolutely and unequivocally. Anyone - *anyone* - can go to school, amass a certain amount of technical knowledge, and become a perfectly serviceable doctor or teacher or what have you. Yes, it's a long, hard road to get there, and I don't mean to diminish the contributions that doctors and teachers make, but there's really no barrier to getting there other than "do they know the material?" Can you take a test to be an actor? Where do you go to apply for a position as a matinee idol? At any point in an actor's life there are dozens of people who can instantly end their job that day (or that week, or their career as a whole) because of a reason no more substantial than "I don't like his eyebrows" or "her tits are too small." If Miss Bliss' first-grade class turns out to be a bunch of simpletons and half of them fail then Miss Bliss won't find herself blackballed from the entire teaching industry for life, but do you think Halle Berry will get the same break after "Catwoman?" You can coast on your past record for a while in Hollywood, but eventually it all comes down to putting asses in seats. If you're not a box-office draw then you don't work - period. Now how many of you can name *horrible* teachers that you had who just keep going year after year because of tenure? Or doctors who are heartless, arrogant assholes who keep working because they can get the job done? Yeah, there are terrible actors (and writers and producers...) who keep bringing in an enormous paycheck, but can you name one who's been doing it for more than a few years? Sharon Stone? Stallone?
I've said it before and I'll say it again - the day 20 million people will spend their weeknight in front of the TV watching Polly Perky teach algebra, *then* I'll believe that Tom Cruise (or Barry Bonds) is overpaid.
> Why not just quit paying actors millions per film?
Because the presence of those actors almost always has a direct correlation to the amount of money the film brings in. I know, I know - you're one of those people who thinks that they should cast an unknown shlub in every movie that comes out, thereby slashing the budget and enabling you to go see movies for $.50. But eventually one of those shlubs is going to be interesting/talented/attractive enough that more people go see *his* movies than anyone else's and *then* some crackpot capitalist will realize that casting that guy = more box office and offer him more money than the unknown shlub that nobody cares about - but not you, no-sir-ree! You go see movies based solely on how low-paid the actor is, because that's the kind of appreciator of fine cinema you are.
Don't be ridiculous. He spells it that way in silent protest of the letter "t," which resembles the cross where Jesus died - because as Sollog pointed out to us, www.jesusisnotgod.com. You'd know that if you'd just open up your eyes to the the truth that Sollog brings us. Sollog is the way, the truth, and the light, and in the way of his truthful light he will show us the true light way of wayward lightly truth.
Also, Princess Diana masterminded 9/11 with the Illuminati, the aliens, and the Masons.
"The new technology journal has been experiencing slow sales. Industry peers suggest that it may be because they have now published seventeen issues with the cover story "FRIST POIST!!1!ONE!"
Slashdot Mirror
I think that when the *very first word* in your story is misspelled, you should probably hand in your "Lil' Editors' Fun Club" membership card.
> There is a HUGE shake up in the movie industry that is brewing, most of the real talent is about to take their toys and go play elsewhere.
And the first time one of those artistic little independent films catches on with the general public and makes $200 million dollars, just what do you think is going to happen?
Some little indie producer who would never, ever "sell out" is going to be sitting on a huuuuge pile of cash. And then the actors will say "what about us?" and the writer will say "'Scuse me? Over here?" and the director will say "Yo! Homeboy! That didn't direct itself, you know!" because all of those people are now players. And then, when that actor/director/writer gets a $10,000,000 bonus because he's now a marquee item, people will come to Slashdot and call him a mediocre sellout.
I can go you one better...
One drunken evening a year or so ago I absolutely lost my cool when I came home to a deluge of spam that was bigger than I had ever seen. After dutifully reporting each and every one of them to Spamcop I stumbled across one particular email that was sent by/for a business that was stupid enough to use their 800# in the body of the mail. My evil mind went to work, and after a few minutes of scripting in my head the following conversation (as far as I can remember it) ensued.
[ring ring]
Thank you for calling XXX, my name is Kathy, how can I help you? Me: (using the biggest, dumbest, drive-time DJ voice I can muster): KATHY! HOW ARE YOU?! You're lucky listener number 20 tonight! Are you feeling lucky? Are you?
K: Wha...? Who is th- DJ: Kathy! You listen to Brian and Bob in the mornings on Z-101, right? K: Umm... yeah! (Who's gonna get a call like that and say no, hm?) DJ: So here's the story Kathy - we got your name from some of your co-workers and entered it into our big contest drawing this month, and...
(uncomfortably long pause...)
K: And wha-? DJ: AND YOUR NAME CAME UP IN OUR 80'S ROCK TRIVIA CHALLENGE, KATHY! ARE YOU EXCITED?! K: Oh yeah, what are we-? DJ: Kathy? K: Yeah?
DJ: ARE YOU READY TO WIN $50,000 DOLLARS?!
(pause)
K: ARE YOU SERIOU-? DJ: We're ABSOLUTELY serious, Kathy! You are exactly ONE question away from winning FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!
(at this point, I knew I had her. I could hear her cup the phone with her hand and start yelling at what had to be an entire office full of people.)
DJ: Kathy? Are you ready? Get the men and women at work with you to help out!
K: Sure!
(she was hyperventilating at this point)
DJ: Kathy, here's what we want to know...
(another uncomfortable pause)
DJ: For fifty thousand dollars...
(yet another pause, during which I heard the sound of ten different computers firing up Google in anticipation...)
DJ: What one-hit-wonder from the mid-80's was notable for their lead singer's visible physical deformity?!
(sheer, dead silence for a moment that lasted forever)
K: What WHAT?
DJ: TEN SECONDS!!
(at this point, she freaked. she tried to cover the phone and missed, and as I loudly counted down from ten to one I heard an entire office simultaneously melt down. "One-hit WHAT?! DEFORMITY? WHAT THE...!?"
DJ: THREE! TWO!
K: OH MY G-!
DJ: ONE! OH, NO! You JUST missed it, Kathy! Fifty thousand dollars, and you JUST didn't get it. It's too bad, too - I gave you SUCH a hint!
K: You WHAT? Hint? WHAT TH-?
DJ: Oh, Kathy - I practically gave it to you. I told you to get some help from the women... and MEN AT WORK! It was Men at Work, and you must be feeling really stupid right now not remembering Colin Hay and that freaky wandering eyeball he has! Remember that eye? Of course you do! You must be feeling so stupid right now!
(at this point my roommate, who's been watching the entire affair in bugeyed amazement, chimes in with "So FUCKING stupid!!" loud enough for her to hear it. I nearly had an aneurysm...)
DJ: Yeah, that was Bob... he calls 'em like he sees 'em. How you feeling, Kathy?
(it's at this point that I'm pretty sure I earned myself a warm spot in Hell, because she sounded like she was about to be sick...)
K: Oh God, I was so c...
(and if I wasn't going to Hell yet...)
DJ: But don't forget, Kathy - there's only one other person on our mega prize list today, and if they miss the Trivia Challenge question too, the money is YOURS!!
K: Are you SERIOUS?!
DJ: I'm DEAD serious, Kathy! Before the day is out you just might have that money! But remember, you have to get to the phone within two rings - so stay close to the phone and answer with our slogan! "Brian and Bob rock me HARD!" Can you do it now?
K: Bri... um, Brian and Bob rock me HARD!!
DJ: Excellent, Kathy! So remember, a
He walked up to her and said "Hey, baby. I'm on TV and I'm Hung."
It was Spring Break, the lighting was dim and she'd already had six Screaming Slippery Blue Orgasms on the Beach - and before she knew what happened it was already over with. All she could do was say "Call me!" as he sauntered down the hotel hallway, warbling "She Bangs!" with all the vocal dexterity of an alley cat on acid.
Wait. Andrew *who*?
Oh, never mind...
...Apple's new high-speed, high-resolution, high-capacity porn delivery appliance:
The iBall.
And their plastic girlfriend that hooks up to it for hours of synthetic pleasure - but is only available in territories between Canada and Mexico:
The American iDoll.
And the new package Apple designed to automatically track and repair software bugs:
the iPatch.
No, wait! I have more! Don't run away!
> it's expression and protected under the first amendment?
Given that he lives in Brno, I really doubt that he has even once considered his first amendment rights. Perhaps you meant to say "protected under Article 17 of Division Two of the second chapter of the Charter of Fundamental Rights and Freedoms?"
Naah... too wordy. "First Amendment" it is!
All I know about zombies I learned from Half-Life.
Now give me a crowbar and Scott Richter's home address and I'll show you some damned harvesting work...
I'm not saying that you should, y'know, take advantage of your position or anything - but if a horrible accident should befall any of the guys there and you should just happen to have a PayPal account, I'm sure that a lot of the people here might...
No, no, forget I said anything. I was kidding.
Unless you really wanted to or something.
No, never mind.
Wait? You smoke? You ever maybe... drop one of them? Accidentally?
Forget it. I didn't mean that.
Hey, are you dumb? Like, dumb enough to smoke around a can of gasoline if one mysteriously appeared near their off...
DAMMIT!
Bollocks. Find individual spammers and attach them, with a dagger, to a chicken. Then slip a note into the spammer's mailbox indicating where where the family can pick up the remains along with their last free meal.
"...boy, you can buy yourself one of them newfangledy calculatin' machines or you can sell a pig in a poke to a one-eyed man with a two-eyed mule. And if that don't set your pears to picklin' then I'm not worth a squirt of spit into an Alabama wind. Yep, that's what I'm sayin'."
Okay, so Granny drank a hell of a lot...
"Mr. Hicks, are you familiar with the video 'Clam Lappers?' ...volumes one through forty?"
Because murder isn't really an analog of hacking. Murder is usually a 1-time, spontaneous act of violence with little if any planning involved. It's more like breaking into an office and stealing the computer to get at the contents instead of hacking your way in via a network connection. I think a better comparison would be between hacking and *serial* killers, who traditionally put a lot more method into their madness because - like hackers - they want to keep coming back for more. And serial killers are quite frequently "hired" by the police afterwards when their methods and expertise are studied through profiling. A regular murderer doesn't get studied - just a jail sentence. A serial killer who's caught becomes a tool by which we catch the next one.
Go.
Don't forget to pay your $371 licensing fee!
> Similarly, Mr. Bond of Intel said his 20-year-old daughter recently discovered that her iPod Mini's battery lasts longer if she limits the use of the backlight on the L.C.D. screen.
Naah... too easy.
Let me 'splain...
:)
> Funny joke
> -- Joke Comeback
> -- -- Joke Comeback pointing out movie origin
> -- -- -- Joke Comeback pointing out I know the origin
> -- -- -- -- Joke Comeback originating from the same movie
> -- -- -- -- -- Angry Comback misinterpretting the previous joke
No... is too much. Let me sum up.
> This could go on forever
Sorry... I guess my quote was a little too obscure.
--------------
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
(still reading)
It was ten days till the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse.
THE KID
(off-screen)
See? Didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck?
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
-- yes, you're very smart. Shut-Up.
--------
I just thought it made a zingy comeback to your "I'm aware of those facts." No offense meant...
> I'm aware of those facts.
Yes, you're very smart. Now shut up.
> What are people supposed to cry and shout lame political cliches like the Oscars?
/tackled by security
"I will not accept the 'Mountain Dew Most Extreme Radicalness With an Attitude In a Videogame' award until the oppressed peoples of Upper East Bangalushia are freed from the shackles of white, Western hegemony! Oppressed peoples of the world, throw off your shackles and press UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEF... MMFFT!"
>you're saying the actors that are getting paid millions are extremely talented individuals? That they're "good" actors?
Whether or not they're "talented" or "good" is something that's completely subjective and will differ wildly from person to person. But when an actor consistently draws a huge crowd and proves to be a marquee attraction, then that's something you can't argue - no matter how good you think their acting is. There are sublimely talented actors and actresses out there who *nobody* will pay to see in a movie, and there are mediocre talents who can pack theatres night after night - and that makes them worth cold, hard cash to have in your movie. It pisses off the artistic purists, but it's a simple fact of life. It's no different than the asshole at the party with the perfectly dimpled chin or the heartless shrew in the office who has the most perfect blue eyes you've ever seen - physical attractiveness has nothing to do with talent, morality, or anything else on God's little green earth. We go to the movies to escape, and some people are better at helping us to do that than others... and those people are handsomely rewarded.
Absolutely and unequivocally. Anyone - *anyone* - can go to school, amass a certain amount of technical knowledge, and become a perfectly serviceable doctor or teacher or what have you. Yes, it's a long, hard road to get there, and I don't mean to diminish the contributions that doctors and teachers make, but there's really no barrier to getting there other than "do they know the material?" Can you take a test to be an actor? Where do you go to apply for a position as a matinee idol? At any point in an actor's life there are dozens of people who can instantly end their job that day (or that week, or their career as a whole) because of a reason no more substantial than "I don't like his eyebrows" or "her tits are too small." If Miss Bliss' first-grade class turns out to be a bunch of simpletons and half of them fail then Miss Bliss won't find herself blackballed from the entire teaching industry for life, but do you think Halle Berry will get the same break after "Catwoman?" You can coast on your past record for a while in Hollywood, but eventually it all comes down to putting asses in seats. If you're not a box-office draw then you don't work - period. Now how many of you can name *horrible* teachers that you had who just keep going year after year because of tenure? Or doctors who are heartless, arrogant assholes who keep working because they can get the job done? Yeah, there are terrible actors (and writers and producers...) who keep bringing in an enormous paycheck, but can you name one who's been doing it for more than a few years? Sharon Stone? Stallone?
I've said it before and I'll say it again - the day 20 million people will spend their weeknight in front of the TV watching Polly Perky teach algebra, *then* I'll believe that Tom Cruise (or Barry Bonds) is overpaid.
> Why not just quit paying actors millions per film?
Because the presence of those actors almost always has a direct correlation to the amount of money the film brings in. I know, I know - you're one of those people who thinks that they should cast an unknown shlub in every movie that comes out, thereby slashing the budget and enabling you to go see movies for $.50. But eventually one of those shlubs is going to be interesting/talented/attractive enough that more people go see *his* movies than anyone else's and *then* some crackpot capitalist will realize that casting that guy = more box office and offer him more money than the unknown shlub that nobody cares about - but not you, no-sir-ree! You go see movies based solely on how low-paid the actor is, because that's the kind of appreciator of fine cinema you are.
Stupid hippie...
Don't be ridiculous. He spells it that way in silent protest of the letter "t," which resembles the cross where Jesus died - because as Sollog pointed out to us, www.jesusisnotgod.com. You'd know that if you'd just open up your eyes to the the truth that Sollog brings us. Sollog is the way, the truth, and the light, and in the way of his truthful light he will show us the true light way of wayward lightly truth.
Also, Princess Diana masterminded 9/11 with the Illuminati, the aliens, and the Masons.
And you people call him crazy...
"The new technology journal has been experiencing slow sales. Industry peers suggest that it may be because they have now published seventeen issues with the cover story "FRIST POIST!!1!ONE!"